Rejection or Redirection?: Embracing Self-Worth and Personal Growth
In this week's episode, Lisa Dawn explores the concepts of rejection and redirection, reflecting on her personal journey of seeking validation from others and the realization that true self-worth comes from within. She shares insights on how to handle rejection, view it as an opportunity for growth, and asks thought-provoking questions to help listeners shift their perspectives. The episode concludes with a guided practice to help release the emotional and physical bracing that often accompanies disappointment.
Rejection or Redirection?: Embracing Self-Worth and Personal Growth
In this week's episode, Lisa Dawn explores the concepts of rejection and redirection, reflecting on her personal journey of seeking validation from others and the realization that true self-worth comes from within. She shares insights on how to handle rejection, view it as an opportunity for growth, and asks thought-provoking questions to help listeners shift their perspectives. The episode concludes with a guided practice to help release the emotional and physical bracing that often accompanies disappointment.
Hey guys, welcome back to this week's episode of the Healed Now What Podcast with your host, me, Lisa Dawn. I've been thinking a lot this week about rejection, redirection, and what it can feel like when things don't go our way. I remember many years ago being surrounded by a bunch of women who I found inspirational and magical and just kind of also had them up on a pedestal. These women always seemed Just out of reach for me. There were many times where I just found myself yearning to be part of their inner circle, yearning to be chosen. But yet somehow it felt that I always fell short of that. So now these were women who had really created something. They were mothers, they were entrepreneurs, they were visionaries, artists, and They used their voice, which perhaps was something I admired the most about each and every one of them. I knew them because they used their voice. They had this ability to draw people in and be both flamboyant and vocal with their needs and wants. They owned themselves. They walked and talked in a way that really showed me that they found themselves worthy, worthwhile, and lovable. And at that time, I just, I didn't recognize, recognize those qualities in myself. And I spent a long time trying to force myself to be more like them the way I thought I should show up. I ignored messages from my body and from my inner being. I wasn't them. I was me, but I wanted so deeply and so incessantly to be more like them. And then I realized over the course of, I don't know, it was probably a year or two in trying to be. More like them. I became less and less like me. I became kind of confused Disoriented and felt even further from my own truth. I was trying to Discover my value through their stories through the way that they showed up But ultimately I realized that this was their way not mine And while they remained inspirational, this was just another way that I was giving my power away, allowing my earlier rejection wounds to lead the way that I felt about myself and how I acted in the world. And then I started to remember different times. that I felt rejected. I remember when I was new in this, um, elementary school, sitting at a table for lunch and everyone seemed to pick somewhere else to sit except beside me. And then all of these other memories started to come up where I, I wasn't the chosen one, but instead of being able to comfort myself during those times, I just ended up beating myself up and braiding myself for what I wasn't. So what was missing in this pursuit was me knowing me and I didn't realize it at the time but this yearning this kind of Jealousy that I was feeling was trying to bring out something in me It was my own value my own self worth I had to learn how to show up for myself when no one was looking and this is the work of expanding our awareness And we can start this process by working through the body, which is ultimately the experiencer of the mind. It's like, okay, what is this fucking body even experiencing? And in those moments of rejection, we can tend to internalize situations and make it mean something about us. about our value, about our worth. So there are a few very helpful inquiries that give our mind something to chew on. It's like, what if I can provide a different experience for my mind? What is the experience that I will create from that? What does validation look like for me? And as soon as I started to ask these questions that I'm about to share with you, and you may have heard this, this mantra before, I'll call it a mantra, but it's more of a saying. Rejection is redirection. Now, this does not mean that Rejection does not hurt or that it doesn't suck when we are not chosen or when things don't go our way. This doesn't mean that we didn't want what we were going after. It just means that the situation is providing me with something different than what I wanted. It's providing me with another opportunity other than what I wanted. So the more that we can see rejection, excuse me, or things not going the way we think they should as life circumstances just showing up, the easier it becomes to just see things as they are. Oh. This person was just emotionally unavailable. Yep. Okay. Got it. Ah, yeah. Them not choosing me for this job was actually perfect. Ah, no one sitting beside me at the lunch table feels okay. It becomes less about our value and more about redirection. How is this working for me? We just get better at handling things and noticing a lot sooner when life is offering us something else than what we expected. So we can begin to start getting curious and asking about our rejection so that we can get to the truth of what is really going on. And some of these questions that I find so helpful for myself and so many, so many people, so many clients, is What is coming to me from these moments of rejection? What am I learning? What is the opportunity? Is it an opportunity to learn? Is it an opportunity to reparent a wounded part of myself? Is it an opportunity to regulate my nervous system? Is it an opportunity to spend more time getting to know myself? Is it an opportunity to see where I might be placing my own self worth and validation in the external? Is this an opportunity to discover where my wounds are still active? And then from that place, how can I internally validate myself right now? What can I give to myself right now to validate how I'm feeling? What kinds of words can I give myself? How do I want to be feeling right now? And I promise you that When you sit with yourself and you love and validate yourself to a point where your self worth, your self belief, and your self confidence is so high that And if I were to take you and put you back in those same situations, those same previous relationships that you thought you once wanted, you'd be like, wow, this actually just doesn't interest me at all anymore. Why am I even here? Because we change. How we perceive things changes. when we get to know ourselves. And this is amazing and huge noticing how we've changed, how our values and standards have changed simply by loving ourselves more and getting curious about what's behind our beliefs. Because our wounds, our attachments, and our stories are what keep us stuck in the same painful patterns. If their feelings of rejection are still present, that usually means that there are still needs that haven't been met. And if I'm not feeling rejection, it means that I've internally validated myself to a point where I just don't feel the same way anymore. I've recognized that this is a redirection. Not a rejection. And of course these things can be still disappointing because we have invested time and energy into something. We're not talking about not being able to feel something. We're talking about the extent to which it takes us down. We're talking about not sacrificing our emotional, physical, or mental health for long periods of time. We're talking about how the setbacks can be another life experience that just allow, we just allow to come into our lives to teach us something and then we allow it to go. We can begin in the mind through inquiry and then we can support our bodies through the process. And we do this by realizing that we are the one thing that can and will always be there for us in hard times. Now, this also doesn't mean that we don't want or need others. It means that we can choose others and we can choose to get to know ourselves. It means that we can stop self abandoning. We can still fight for things and work for things, but we'll be maybe less attached to the thought that if those things don't work out, that we will be lost. We can allow ourselves to enjoy our experiences, but not to be completely torn down by them when they don't go our way. When we start asking these questions, what is the wisdom? What is the opportunity that is coming from this? What needs of mine are not being met that I can meet now? So let's also just get into the semantics of this. You know, everything is peachy when things are going my way, when I get what I want, what I've set my intentions on, but of course it's those times when something doesn't go the way that we thought it was going to go, that suddenly there's an issue. That's when something is unfair or shocking or disappoint, disappointing or just unpleasant. But yeah, we're totally content when things are going the way that we like. And it's almost like the one thing keeping us from being okay. is our mind telling us it shouldn't be this way. It's our belief in it that can suddenly also cause our body to brace. So let's do a little bit of a practice here. So, and this statement can be triggering for a lot of people, but let's go into it. So let's try out this statement. Everything happens for me. Now the trick to this is to approach it like there is a question or an invitation to be curious. So this is an invitation to get curious about how this could be beneficial for me right now. It can invite you to ask what you're being spared of right now. So you'll notice that this question doesn't force anything. It can just be an inquiry. It can open us to a different perspective. How is this working for me? It also invites the wisdom and the transformation that comes with the understanding that nothing should ever go wrong in our lives. Who else feels this way? Nothing should ever go wrong in our lives. And when we can truly understand that things are always gonna go wrong, we become way more human, way more comfortable with not being perfect. But then we also have this ability to respond to everything that comes our way. Things happening for me Not to me means I get to choose how to respond to what is happening in my life. I don't get to choose what happens to me. I get to choose how I respond to what happens to me. So if we take that statement, not as something we're putting on ourselves or others to get over something quickly, which would be bypassing, but we take it as an invitation or curiosity. How does this work for me? It's an invitation to go a little bit deeper. So let's do a little mini practice with this. Now, of course, if you're driving, maybe just come back to this so you can really be here with the practice and you can just get yourself maybe even just a little more comfortable than you were a moment ago, whatever that looks like. And once you find that comfortability, feel your feet on the floor. And you can do that by just pressing them lightly into the floor and receiving the support of the floor. And now just allow your mind to show you something that's. not going your way. Now this can be something big or small. It could be current or past. It could be something that you're still hung up on. Something like you just can't get over this thing that didn't go your way. Just give you a moment to call that up. Allow your mind to show you that's something that's not going your way. And now notice the parts of you that restrict against it. Notice the places where there is pain or discomfort or pressure. or just feels crappy or unpleasant in response to this. In other words, notice where you're bracing and once you locate that, notice from that bracing how you may be living from that place. So maybe you get a flash of a behavior that comes from that bracing. Perhaps you're shown what you're drawn to, what TV shows you like to watch or things you like to do from that place of constriction. Maybe you're shown what you like to eat from that bracing and just spend some time there. A few more moments to notice how you may be living from that bracing and now see if you can locate a part within you that doesn't brace. So we're still thinking about the same scenario and let's just get curious and see if there's a part. Of you that doesn't brace, is there a place within you that is actually okay? with this thing that is not going your way. See if you can locate that within you. Where is this place in your body that actually feels settled? It feels relief. It feels open. And just notice how there are parts of you that indeed can be experiencing two different things at once. So there is a place within that has the capacity to be okay. with this thing that's not going your way, a place that believes that this is happening for me. Notice that this place that feels safe and settled is not contingent on the thing. It feels safe and centered anyway, maybe even kind of relieved or okay with this. Now, once you locate the place, the invitation is to put your hand there just as an anchor, and then ask the question out loud. How is this good for me? How is this good for me? And with that question, notice that we are not telling you it is good for you. We're not telling you to accept it. We're just getting curious about this part of you that actually feels relieved. How is this good for me? Now, depending on how big or small this is, And where you are right now within this experience will depend on the kind of feedback you get. Now I want to say that it's actually not up to you to find the answer. We just ask the question, we witness ourselves, and we wait. for what wants to emerge. It will show you how it wants to show you. It will give you the experience in your body of how this thing is good for you by the way it felt inside. And so as humans, we want, we tend to want to make sense of it or receive an answer in a logical way. But the fact that there could have been a place in your body or perhaps not in this moment that actually felt calm, that felt settled, that felt a certain amount of okay with this has in fact given us a new perspective, an okayness. Perhaps it's just enough to begin telling you a new story of how life is working out for you. And I want to say that even just the practice of this can lower your adrenaline, your inflammation. And even from that place, you may be even able to breathe a little easier and change the way you relate to the things that happen around you. and how they impact what is going on within you outside of the story that your mind wants to make of it. And so I'll leave you with these quotes. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be someone who hates peaches. I love that one. It's true. And this one. Today's rejection may become tomorrow's acceptance. Okay friends, that's all for this episode. As always, thank you for sharing this space with me and we will see you again next week. As always, thank you so much for listening. Life is busy. So it means even more that you're carving out time in your day to be here. Listen, we've got so many great episodes coming up, so please make sure you subscribe to follow along on Apple podcasts or Spotify. And for those of you who like to watch your podcasts, we are now uploading them to YouTube. And if you appreciate these episodes, please do us a favor and leave a rating or a review and share it with anyone you think could benefit. See you again next Wednesday.
