Listen as we discuss the art of co-regulation and its profound effect on the dynamic dance between mother, baby, and birth team. This isn't just about the physical act of giving birth; it's a deep dive into the emotional synchronicity that can turn a labor room from a place of chaos into a sanctuary of calm.
Ever wondered what invisible threads connect a birthing mother to her support system? We unravels this mystery, revealing how the energy shifts with each person's arrival and departure from the birth space. We share stories that illuminate the critical role emotional support plays, not just for the birthing person but for their partners too. This episode doesn't just shine a light on the practicalities of labor—it shines a light on the heart of it. Whether you're a soon-to-be parent or a seasoned pro in the birth community, these insights offer a fresh perspective on the transformative power of presence during one of life's most miraculous moments.
Visit our website, here: https://birthlearning.com/ Follow us on Facebook at Birth Learning Follow us on Instagram at @birthlearning
Show Credits
Host: Angie Rosier Music: Michael Hicks Photographer: Toni Walker Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood Producer: Gillian Rosier Voiceover: Ryan Parker
Listen as we discuss the art of co-regulation and its profound effect on the dynamic dance between mother, baby, and birth team. This isn't just about the physical act of giving birth; it's a deep dive into the emotional synchronicity that can turn a labor room from a place of chaos into a sanctuary of calm.
Ever wondered what invisible threads connect a birthing mother to her support system? We unravels this mystery, revealing how the energy shifts with each person's arrival and departure from the birth space. We share stories that illuminate the critical role emotional support plays, not just for the birthing person but for their partners too. This episode doesn't just shine a light on the practicalities of labor—it shines a light on the heart of it. Whether you're a soon-to-be parent or a seasoned pro in the birth community, these insights offer a fresh perspective on the transformative power of presence during one of life's most miraculous moments.
Visit our website, here: https://birthlearning.com/ Follow us on Facebook at Birth Learning Follow us on Instagram at @birthlearning
Show Credits
Host: Angie Rosier Music: Michael Hicks Photographer: Toni Walker Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood Producer: Gillian Rosier Voiceover: Ryan Parker
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with Angie Rozier, hosted by Birth Learning, where we help prepare folks for labor and birth with expertise coming from 20 years of experience in a busy doula practice Helping thousands of people prepare for labor, providing essential knowledge and tools for positive and empowering birth experiences.
Speaker 2:
Hello and welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast. My name is Angie Rozier, I am your host and we are sponsored by Birth Learning. Thank you for being with us here today. Again, this podcast. We like to prepare folks for labor and childbirth. Not everyone can afford a doula. Not everyone wants to use a doula. A doula is not right for everyone. I think everyone should have a doula. Wants to use a doula? A doula is not right for everyone. I think everyone should have a doula, but not everyone can have one. So please spend some time here getting prepared and using the expertise of a doula.
Speaker 2:
Doulas have this really cool angle and this really cool perspective to help people prepare for labor and birth in every single way Physically, get some tools in place, prepare partners and prepare emotionally and mentally. That's a huge part of it, so I want to talk a little bit about that today. There's something I've noticed for a long time in my practice and I've run across some information and have been studying lately as to the science of why this works. So I won't get to the term just yet, but I will say and this is a cool reason to have a doula or a dedicated support person beyond the pregnant woman and the partner, and that can look a lot of different ways, right, that can be the support person, or the partner can be the pregnant woman's mom, her sister, her boyfriend, her husband, but that's kind of the team that we're talking about and why it could be important to have an additional support person beyond that. Okay, so I've seen this a lot in my practice and I've heard a lot from clients and now I'm starting to understand why they're saying this. A lot of times people will say you had such a calming influence on us, so the pregnant person might say oh, I, just having you there was so calming. Sometimes the partner will say I was, I felt so reassured by having you there. It was just nice to have a calming presence. When I dove in and did a lot of data mining and the records that we keep in our business, it was interesting.
Speaker 2:
What a lot of people wanted was for things to be made normal In this unfamiliar situation of labor and birth. They just were seeking some reassurance for normalcy. They didn't know right, going in, they're like I don't know what to expect, I don't know what's normal, I don't know what behaviors, what sounds, what, you know what kind of things to expect that are normal and when I should be alarmed about things. So not realizing it like doulas fulfill that role of bringing normalcy to things. I have heard also many times from partners. They're like I was so scared at this part and that might have been right at delivery. It might have been something really scary happening. It might have been something really normal happening. It might have been some pretty wildly impressive behavior from the birthing person. Birth can be wild. Sometimes we get some you know some people like they could have been married or be partners for a couple of decades and they'll never see the kind of behavior from their partner as they do when she's giving birth. Right, there's some pretty awesome sounds and sensations that cannot be replicated in any other time than when you're pushing a baby out, because it can be pretty intense. So a lot of people will say I was so terrified and then I looked at you or I looked at the team, I looked at the nurses. Nobody else was nervous, so I knew that it was okay. So again, that's bringing some normalcy to this.
Speaker 2:
One kind of funny side note I've heard this more times than you would imagine. I think the first time was from my own husband 26 years ago when our first was born. But we'll see this I've heard this from many partners since then is when babies are very close to being born and their head is close to crowning. If this baby doesn't have a lot of hair and they have like a slick skin colored scalp, as that baby's preparing to come for the birth canal and crowning, a lot of that skin on the scalp bunches up so it kind of like squishes their head. It's not like super taut to their head, but that skin on the scalp bunches up so it kind of like squishes their head. It's not like super taut to their head, but that skin on their skull bunches up and it looks kind of funny like bunchy. We have bunchy skin and so numerous partners have thought that they were looking at their baby's brain the actual gray matter it's bunched up in columns, kind of like like gray matter in the brain. So I have heard from several partners like I thought my baby did not have a skull but nobody else was concerned, so it set them at ease. Also, a lot of times and I hear this and it kind of makes me feel sad but I've tried to explain it to people, but sometimes a partner, like a boyfriend, a husband, a partner, will try to help, but it didn't work. Like, whatever they're offering, whether that's a touch, a verbal support they get denied by the laboring person. And I can do a very similar thing and it gets accepted, kind of.
Speaker 2:
So this phenomenon that we're going to talk about, that kind of explains a lot of this, is called co-regulation. So co-regulation is a psychological term that describes how we are each influenced by each other. So in psychology, when they talk about co-regulation, they're kind of looking at dedicated relationships that are close and intimate over the lifespan. So this could be partners, it could be parent-child, it could be close co-workers, close friends. So think about this concept of co-regulation, but it's a neurological and a biological process and response from one human to another. Now you're not going to have very much co-regulation with somebody you have quick touch points with. Let's say, you are checking out the grocery store and you are having an interaction with your clerk there. There might be a tiny bit of co-regulation, but it's not going to be on a deep life affecting level. However, think, can you guys impact each other's lives? Yes, how you treat each other, how you respond to each other, how you look at each other, even on those quick touch points seeing and meeting a stranger is going to have a slight bit of co-regulation on it.
Speaker 2:
But for most intents and purposes, the co-regulation has been studied on close and more intimate relationships or partnerships. So our bodies have a response to this, our emotions have a response to this, our nervous system has a response to this which controls everything. Think of the most. You know. If we think about, the most primary relationship of co-regulation happens between a mom and a baby in pregnancy, right. So this baby is absolutely influenced by the environment that the baby is in. They are absolutely co-regulating in every single sense of the word. So the baby can be tied to the mom's environment, whether that be her physical health, her mental health, her emotional health. The baby is in all that and these two are tied and connected. So we can have again. That's another example of having an influence on each other as humans that are having an experience together. That one, of course, is incredibly intimate as we share a lot of the things there. So our nervous systems are reacting with one another.
Speaker 2:
This is very subtle. It's not something we really choose to do, it just happens and you may find in your life. Are there people who bring you a sense of calm or a sense of energy? Are there people who bring you the opposite? They might bring you a sense of dread or a sense of nervousness or a sense of worry, as you're with other people. This is that act of co-regulation. So, as I've learned about this and I've kind of played with this over my career, every once in a while I call it what do I call it? Kind of like you need a shift, you need a shift in energy in the room.
Speaker 2:
So sometimes if things are getting stagnant like I'm with a couple for my clients during labor for hours right, like hours and hours and we need a shift in something. We need some progress in labor, some progress emotionally or mentally, whatever that might be kind of to just move forward in the labor process. I have noticed when people come into the room that might be a nurse, more often it is a provider. So when a provider comes into the room just to check in, sometimes I'm like, please, if this doctor could just come in and check in, or the nurse midwife could just come in and check in. I think that would be helpful to this situation. Um, and when they do, oftentimes I sense, uh, a shift in energy, so that stagnation kind of wiggles itself free and we have forward progress in whatever way it is that we're needing that. Sometimes I think the especially the laboring person their body's like all right, they're here, they expect something, let's deliver. Maybe not literally deliver the baby yet, but let's deliver some progress. Maybe not literally deliver the baby yet, but let's deliver some progress. So I have seen that shift when a provider comes in at the end.
Speaker 2:
I've also seen it shift when I leave the room. And sometimes I will strategically leave the room in those periods of stagnation to create a shift. If I have a partner who's, you know, kind of just laying low, not doing that support, maybe that's that might frustrate my client, that their partner not doing that support. Maybe that's that might frustrate my client that their partner's not doing awesome support. Maybe they don't want them to be to do awesome support and I'm more of the support role. But sometimes if I make a shift and I leave the room, then that changes the regulation between those nervous systems in the room and that's, you know, your brain and body system and how they feel and feel physically and feel emotionally and mentally, how they interact, how they connect. I can create a shift by just leaving. Sometimes I will strategically leave for 20 minutes and almost always I can guarantee there is a shift when I come back. Maybe that partner has um, is supporting differently and it's more with my client needs, and sometimes something has changed just because there's been a shift in the energy. So that comes back to our term of co-regulation and kind of what is specific to birth, what happens and why.
Speaker 2:
Folks can say that a doula is a calming influence. Like a doula has likely seen a lot of childbirth. They have seen, smelled, heard, felt all of the components of childbirth many times and so when that comes up they aren't nervous. Their neurological system isn't like, oh my gosh, is this normal? Are we worried? Are we in fight or flight or freeze, like what do we want to do? But they're like, okay, cool, this is normal. And then the co-regulation happens between my client and their support person because they sense like okay, she's calm, awesome, this is normal, let's move forward.
Speaker 2:
So sometimes that is kind of a scientific description of why doulas work and we know, going back to some very early doula studies they were done in Guatemala and the simplest form of this study and it had a pretty cool result. Pretty good impact is they had a woman who had had a baby before sitting in the room during labor behind a curtain. So the laboring person didn't have access to this person. They weren't seeing them, they weren't being touched by them, they were not interacting with them, they just knew that they were there and the qualification for that person sitting behind the screen, just sitting there, being in the room, was that they had had a baby before. So just knowing that someone was there who'd had a baby before had a huge impact. Now add that to the interaction and actual support that can be given by somebody who knows what they're doing.
Speaker 2:
So, as we're looking at situations where a doula is not present, can you see sometimes how we have regardless of how many classes you've taken or how well you've prepared for this if we have someone who's nervous, that might be the support person who's nervous, that might be the laboring person who's nervous. They're going to feed off of each other and that can if you can see that can kind of escalate and get to a crux of whatever frustration, panic, anxiety, terror, fear, where maybe everything is normal but there's not a co-regulating neurological system in the room that's going to regulate down. They kind of regulate up. So your, your labor and delivery nurse can act like this for sure. Um, if you have a supportive and a calm grandmother or sister in the room, or the mom of the of anyone, um, as long as their demeanor and their actions is, are calm and confident, then the others in the room can co-regulate to that. Nobody's doing this on purpose, it just happens naturally.
Speaker 2:
So, kind of the I'm going to call it the biggest nervous system in the room sets the tone for the room or influences the room, and biggest doesn't mean literally the largest person in the room or the largest body, but it's whichever nervous system comes in and takes charge, kind of. So we expect that to happen from a provider. That's why I've seen so many times when that quote unquote biggest nervous system in the room walks in. We have placed that title upon a provider, a doctor, a midwife, like all right, they're here, something's going to happen.
Speaker 2:
A big nervous system in the room is going to be the laboring person. Of course. That's who everyone's focus is on and their nervous system is under a lot of duress during labor. Sometimes, right, some people labor beautifully and gracefully. Others labor a little more haphazardly and there's no right or wrong. It's just how it is in each situation for each person. But we can have an impact on that nervous system by being that calm space right, just like being that calm, relaxing, steady nervous system, so meaning the biggest nervous system in the room.
Speaker 2:
I have seen times where the doula is the biggest nervous system in the room on the team and they can. Whoever's the biggest nervous system that just means they exert the most power on the room is oftentimes going to set the tone for the room and influence all of the other nervous systems. So watch that as you kind of prepare for the labor process, make sure there's a calming presence that may be your partner. Your partner may be incredibly confident in you, calm about supporting you, calm about their reactions to anything you're going to experience, and they may be very confident in the process and knowledgeable about it. Sometimes the nurse will act as that biggest nervous system in the room. Nurse will act as that biggest nervous system in the room. So anyway, that's kind of an interesting scientific description as to what I've seen throughout my career as to why doulas work, why a calm, supportive presence, someone who's focused on the well-being in every single way works in the room.
Speaker 2:
This is also something to realize. If there's not that connection, right, if people are approaching this in fear, even if there is a quote-unquote big nervous system in the room exerting influence, if it's not trusted, if this is coming from a person who's not trusted, or they're offering information or doing things that are not trusted, that can also cause, like a deregulation, right. So we're kind of at odds there where there's some fight or flight components going on that could be in the birthing person or in their support person, their support partner as well. So there's a lot of nuances. And to our human interactions and we've talked about them today, specific to birth, but you could take these specific to relationships as you're dealing with family members or children in your life. Partners, for sure, like realize that we are co-regulating, and in the psychology world they talk about co-regulation among long-term dedicated relationships, but we can have them happen on micro levels as well. So kind of a cool concept, um, but you have a pace setter. There's a pace setter, um. So it says like, you know what, you're okay, I'm okay, everything's okay, um, and and somebody who can kind of kind of instigate those shifts that, um, hopefully, are going to be for the positive and for the better, um, and create a safe space in that room. And our nervous systems are smart. They're there to protect us and they can detect when we're safe and can kind of regulate that. So consider that as you prepare for your birth is to have a calmly regulated nervous system. And who's going to be that biggest nervous system? Who are you going to allow to be that biggest nervous system? Who's going to bring some steady normalcy to the situation? And maybe you know, for your situation you're going to need somebody extra from the outside, somebody who is comfortable with the setting, whether that's in a hospital or comfortable with the process, however birth decides to go, because birth is big, birth is bigger than any of us and it can go lots of different ways. So I hope that is a little blip about co-regulation. That helps you understand a little bit of the nuances of support during labor and how it works. It's kind of a cool thing.
Speaker 2:
Thanks for being with us here today on the Ordinary Duelo podcast. My name is Angie Rosier, I am your host and we are sponsored by Birth Learning. Go check out our website at birthlearningcom. We've got childbirth classes for sale there. They're pre-recorded. You can join them in your pajamas on your couch Also breastfeeding prep classes as well. You can also make an appointment to have a consultation with any of us. We can spend some time with you in your specific situation. We'd love to offer our expertise, our years of experience, to help you in your specific situation, because your situation is important. Thanks for being with us here today. I hope you have a good one and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula podcast with Angie Rozier, hosted by Birth Learning. Episode credits will be in the show notes Tune in next time as we continue to explore the many aspects of giving birth. Thank you.