'Strong Like Mom' with Marie Fulmer

Navigating the tides of single motherhood can feel like a solitary voyage, but Marie Fulmer, Founder and Executive Director of Strong Like Mom, is proof that solidarity can be a beacon of hope in the storm. Marie's candid recount of her own transformation from married life to single parenthood unveils the depth of isolation that can accompany such a shift, even in the midst of a supportive community. Her resolve to create a space where single moms could find understanding and connection birthed a movement, exemplified by her establishment of a community that uplifts and empowers.

Marie's story shatters the stereotype of single moms needing pity, instead celebrating their tenacity and leadership. It's not just about offering assistance; it's about recognizing and nurturing the multifaceted roles they play in their families and communities. The discourse of this episode pivots to highlight how we can challenge societal norms to support and empower single mothers in balancing the demanding roles of caregiver and disciplinarian, thus fostering a supportive environment where their indomitable spirit is not just recognized but revered.

Expanding on the concrete ways Strong Like Mom advocates for these fearless women, we share the organization's four-pillar approach: advocacy, education, service, and empowerment. From practical workshops to community meals and support groups, the initiatives Marie has pioneered ensure that single moms—and their kids—aren't just surviving, but thriving. We wrap up the conversation with a heartwarming look at how joy and generosity can snowball into a legacy of community enrichment, demonstrating how the simplest acts of love can effect meaningful change.

More about Marie...

Marie Fulmer, Founder and Executive Director, Strong Like Mom
It all began with an idea and a passion. Marie is a dedicated and tenacious single mother of two, working tirelessly to inspire and support women and children in building a fresh legacy for their families.  You can support Strong Like Mom by visiting their website:

https://www.stronglikemom.org/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:33

Welcome back to the Pure Possibilities podcast. Today we are being joined by my friend, Marie Fulmer. She is the executive director and founder of Nonprofit Strong Like Mom. Thank you for joining us today, Marie. How are you? Oh, thanks so much for having me. I'm wonderful. I'm excited to hear about your nonprofit and all of the amazing things that you're doing. Would you mind sharing a little bit about yourself with us?

Speaker 2: 0:59

Absolutely so. I am a native Seattleite. We grew up. I've enjoyed kind of everything the Pacific Northwest has to offer love, the outdoors. I have two littles. They are not so little anymore, they are 11 and seven and I got married when I was 32 and had both of my kiddos kind of early on and found myself a single mom about almost six years ago, kind of unexpectedly.

Speaker 2: 1:29

I had just the heart to be a mom and a wife. My entire life just felt like that was what I wanted to do and wanted to homeschool my kids. Just had this plan in my head as to what my life was going to look like and poured myself into what I thought a good wife would be and what I thought a good mom should be. And then one day that kind of all got tipped up on end and I just sat there not knowing what was next. I didn't know what to do.

Speaker 2: 1:58

I didn't really know anyone in that season of life that I could ask for help from. I had this amazing community around me of men and women that supported me and loved me, and it was a very full time in my life. I felt so supported but I just felt like there was something missing, and I was in a church community at the time and I just looked around and I thought we're going. I was more than welcome to come into all of these community events and home small groups, but no one quite understood my season of life and so I thought well, where is a group of single moms, where is a group of women that could uplift each other, is somebody who knew what this walk was looking like and that could support each other? And I couldn't find one.

Speaker 1: 2:49

And so I thought I totally understand that. I mean, when I was a single mom my son was really little then and I didn't have any where there was no support for that Right.

Speaker 2: 3:03

Well, I think there's such a I think everyone knows a single mom and there's like, even when I was married, I have single mom friends and it was just kind of like, oh, this is my friend, so and so, and she's got these kids and I would go over and hang out with them and have fun as a friend. But I didn't get it. I didn't understand what their journey and their story looks like from their perspective until I myself became a single mom. And I look back now and think I was a friend and the friend that I could have been at that time. But I just felt like I missed the mark To think of. I went to a friend's house. She had two little boys and I would spend the night and we'd have so much fun and that fed her. But if I would have gone and spent the night and maybe done her dishes or maybe swept her floors for her, just these small things that would have spoken leaps and bounds. Like the relationship is so important but also to see some of the things that would just have helped out a little bit, I think brings a little more value to her. To refer her to say like, oh, you see me, you see that I work full time and that I take my kids to school and we come home and we do homework and we feed dinner and then I put them right to bed, and for someone to see that there's also a need there for some projectality needs. So I just look at it. I didn't know it until I walked it, and so that was the shift for me was like OK, I've been a single woman, I've been a married woman, I am a mom, and now I'm a single mom. And so I'm going to backtrack a little bit to say that I decided I wanted to create a group of women, of single moms, and in that church I was in at the time, there were three other single moms and I thought, ok, well, let's do this.

Speaker 2: 4:55

And so we met at my parents' and my parents' basement and there was a total of five of us and all the kids were upstairs playing and having a great time, and we started off just like having conversations and it just grew like the depth of those conversations was heavy. Sometimes there was a lot of tears, there was a lot of just I understand, and the value in sitting across from somebody else and saying, oh my gosh, it makes me tear, like the idea of this journey is really hard and for me. I was just embarking on it, I had no idea what was to come. And to sit across from someone, someone who is now like kind of my second hand woman her name is Megan at Stormlight Mom. She was a single mom of three and she had been through all of what I was about to go through, but to know that there was somebody else there who understood. She couldn't change it for me, she couldn't make it any better, but she could listen to me and let me know. You're going to live through this. It's going to be hard, you're going to be okay, you know that is invaluable and so that is the heart behind what we started was the idea of like.

Speaker 2: 6:05

I think the overall picture of like. Everybody, I think, said you know, like I said, knows a single mom. So we want to help a single mom. You know how do we help a single mom in our community or is there a need? But what I wanted to shift and change was how do we, as single moms, support each other? The shifting that narrative of you know, all single moms are on welfare, all single moms are women in need and they're looking for that next step up, you know, for something like our. You know, don't have clothes Like and shifting the narrative like. We are strong. Women and single moms are already leaders. You know they are the providers for their family. They are the nurturers, the caregivers, the chauffeurs, the cooks, the cleaners.

Speaker 1: 6:50

You know, they everything they handle it all Right.

Speaker 2: 6:54

Yeah, and what I've learned is that, whether you have a present X or not, you are still there like the majority of the time as the caregiver. And I find myself having to balance out that, like when you're married, you have there's the parent. That's like the loving. Oh, like I wouldn't step so close to that edge. And then you have the parent. That's like oh, just go for it. You know like, oh, you know you only live once and like I really want you to experience all that life has to have. And I think that's a really healthy balance for a child to like learn that in between.

Speaker 2: 7:28

And when you're a single parent, you have to figure out. For me, I've had to figure out how to, how to push both. How do I give my kids both of those experiences so they can figure themselves out while only being one person, you know? So there's that leadership role is like I think we look at single moms sometimes at a deficit, like they're lacking something and they need something. Where I look at a single mom and, being a single mom myself, I look at it and say, oh man, you are kicking butt already. Like look at all you're already doing. How can we feed into you, to empower you more, because you're already doing this amazingly hard journey. So how can we teach you and not teach you? But how can we, like, help illuminate some of those giftings you already have? And how do we help your kids see those in themselves and shift that legacy for your kids? And so we're all on the same path. But how do we feed into each other in a much more positive way than I think that society has given single moms?

Speaker 1: 8:30

Yeah, that's amazing because, well, and even going back to you, know what can I do to help you with your dishes or your laundry, or whatever?

Speaker 1: 8:39

you know, and just those small, the small shifts. And you're right, I mean, single moms are strong and to really go down that empowerment path and support. And what else can we do to help you out when you're already doing so much? And you're not weak, you are absolutely strong. I love where you've been going with this and it's so beautiful to be able to really help and support those single moms.

Speaker 2: 9:06

There's such a difference in something we talk about a lot is empowerment versus pity, and I think that as a society we look at some of those things and like how can we serve you?

Speaker 2: 9:17

Let us do this for you? You know where it's like no one needs something, like we don't need something done for us, but what could be helpful is like how can we like it can be the same thing, like how could I like try to think of an example of you know, let me come in, do your nails for you, because like that's a gift for you, like that's pampering you've never had done, as opposed to like you are working, you're working so hard and this is a small thing that could like help you feel better about yourself. You can look at yourself and, you know, feel like you've pampered yourself a little bit and it's like it's. I think there's a difference in how we approach it. It can be the same object, but pity versus empowerment, as to how we're approaching, I mean, a lot of people in life, but single moms specifically for us. So I think there's there's a lot of power in our attitude and how we're thinking about the approach to a position, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 10:14

So what are some of the things that you do to help, support and empower the single moms in your community?

Speaker 2: 10:22

Yeah. So we we have four pillars that we talk about in Strong Like Mom, and one of them is empowerment. I was going to share all four, but I'll highlight empowerment. So we stand on four pillars. So advocacy, education, service and empowerment. And empowerment is the core of our organization and this year we've kind of we're almost six years, we've been around for almost a total of six years, and this year we've launched a different sort of empowerment.

Speaker 2: 10:50

So every month we are, we host a workshop. Each workshop is going to be, is taught by a professional in the field. And so this next month, in March, we're going to have someone come in and teach all of us moms how to do some simple fixes around the house and in our cars. And so I mean, as a single mom, I will tell you firsthand cars terrify me. If my car doesn't run, if there's a noise, I don't know anything about cars, you know like, and so to think like, every time that happens you're like I'm going to have to drop $1,000 that I don't have on hand at the mechanic, and so sometimes it's so simple things that you can get to before it gets to be a real problem. So we have someone coming in to teach us, like how to unclog a drain, like how to fix drywall, how, like some of these very small things that, like, I don't really know how to do, but there's, there's empowerment and learning how to do this Absolutely Someone talking in to talk about.

Speaker 2: 11:46

We have a self defense. We have a woman, a fabulous woman, coming in to teach us how to keep our kids safe on screens, which is such a prevalent issue today. We have therapists coming in to talk about things like boundaries and asking for needs, and just some really. So we have a whole year planned out of these people coming in, and I think what I love about what we've set up is that these men and women are coming in to teach a class to us, a workshop to us, but they've all committed to coming back to teach a class to our kids.

Speaker 2: 12:19

So it's not just that we're going to learn how to do some of these fixes that we don't know as an adult, but we're going to teach our kids how to do them, so that our kids aren't going to be in their 20s, 30s and 40s in their lives and they don't know how to unclog a sink, you know, or dig out those hairballs that are in your you know bathtub, like you know, and they're going to learn how to be safe on screens and they're going to learn how what boundaries are and and things like consent, you know, and like just beautiful things that I think sometimes we didn't learn. I mean, I'm in my 40s and I didn't learn these things when I was growing up. And so one for us to be able to empower these women with this kind of education and then to be able to empower our children with it, I think is just that those are the things that are important to us. So that's kind of how we're doing empowerment this next year with our women.

Speaker 1: 13:12

So I love how you're tying it in with teaching the kids to I mean that's. I don't know that I've ever heard of any. You know any organization. You know any organization doing that and it's so important.

Speaker 2: 13:24

My, my background is with kids, as a preschool teacher and a nanny and a para educator, and so and I've always wanted to, I had always wanted to have children and so it's really important to me. Like we have. You know, we meet monthly. Besides our workshops, we have a monthly gathering. We have oh goodness, you have three right now in three different locations and we're about to start possibly a fourth, and those are just like a community meal. So that's just.

Speaker 2: 13:51

We have host homes that we go to and they make dinner for the women that are attending and they watch their children, and so the women can just gather around and have a community meal together and talk about life and connect. And then we have our. One of those meetings is. One of those meetings is for women and single moms in recovery, specifically because there's single moms. So in recovery meetings there typically is not childcare. So you then have single moms that aren't attending recovery meetings, that would like to, but they can't because they have children, and so we open the doors to have what we found to be the first of its kind in our area a recovery group that is for single moms that we provide childcare for.

Speaker 2: 14:39

So the tie back going to kids are so important to me. It's also because I don't want my kids to grow up and to think, oh man, we were without, like we're going to be without things, right, I mean we're, it's not like my. I shared with you earlier, shannon, that my I always say we're so rich and my son is like we're poor mom, we don't have, we don't have all these other things. And I say Abel, and he says we're rich in community and friendship and I was like there's so much more worth in richness and community.

Speaker 2: 15:11

You know, there's so much more when we can feed into our kids things that we even didn't grow up. So I've just found that like, yes, that empowerment to women is so important, but if we're going to shift the legacy and the trajectory of where our kids are going, then we feed into them as well. So it's a, it's a both, and we're here to serve single moms. But it's like that analogy of when you're on the plane and they say, put your mask on first before your kids. Like we're going to put our mask on first, we're going to serve and love these women, but we are also then going to serve and love those children. And so it goes through not just serving the moms, because that will pour out into them, but it also goes through serving those kids. So it's a super high priority for us.

Speaker 1: 15:55

Yeah, that's beautiful and what an amazing mission. And the fact that you got all of this started with your friends I assume, your people you know and like right right away, once you found yourself being single and you're like we need to do something about this and well and, I think, an important part of so we were.

Speaker 2: 16:19

We started as a church community group, but something I always like to say is that we're not a faith based organization nonprofit, because we want everyone to have a seat at the table, and faith is not faith. Faith is not a part of what we're doing at these meetings. We're there to love people or there's a lot of women, and so it's really important. There's no like we like to talk a lot about how there's a lot of practicality and we've never had anyone show up that didn't feel welcomed, that didn't feel like they're like who you are is important and that is the most important thing.

Speaker 1: 16:56

So yeah, yeah that's just beautiful, just beautiful. So you do monthly workshops and do you do certain events also, or how do people get involved with? How do people get involved with supporting your organization?

Speaker 2: 17:15

So through. We have a website it's stronglikemomorg, and there's great ways. If you're a single mom and we'd like to know more about our meetings and events, then you can register. You throw your email in and there's a great way that, if you're not a single mom but you want to partner with us, you can hear my story a little more fluidly on our video. I get really passionate about it and so I end up talking really really fast, so just about who we are and where we've come from and other partners that we work with in the community, and so that's our best way of getting connected with listeners and people who are interested.

Speaker 2: 17:54

We do do special events, so we have there's two holidays every year that, when I became a single mom, I realized we're really challenging. One is Mother's Day, and well, there's three all together there's Mother's Day, there is Valentine's Day and then there's Christmas, and so Valentine's Day is coming up in a couple weeks and it's just one of those ones that's a little bit hard as a single mom when you know that you've been, you know, treated in a way on other Valentine's days and you're just sitting, you know, maybe sometimes by yourself, sometimes with your kids, depending on your visitation schedule, and so we really like to highlight those challenging holidays with an event, and so we have a Gallentine's event coming up at the end of the month, at the end of February, where we just get to celebrate moms. We have a wonderful guest speaker coming in to talk about practical self-care and we get a catered, we do catered lunch and we have childcare and we have, you know, fun things for the kids and then we have a professional photo shoot for the moms so we have with them by themselves, but also with them with their kiddos, and so it's just a time also to connect with other single moms, a time where there's the Strong Like Mom team there's seven of us total and we get to get up and share just a little bit about who we are. It's really important for me when we bring on someone onto the team. Everyone that is on our team is a single mom or has been a single mom in their life at some point, and I think that's also the beauty of Strong Like Mom is that we have women who in our group that were single moms but are now married and grandmothers, but they know what it was like to walk that road and how they have something to offer. A woman who's just starting that path that is so invaluable. And so we have moms who are just starting that. We have moms that have never been married but foster adopted kiddos. We have moms which I mean literally that run the spectrum. So there's everyone that works at SLM or I mean we're a non-profit, so we volunteer our time, let it be there. They're authentic to know that walk. So we get to be there at this event and serve and get to know and just be involved. We have that event.

Speaker 2: 20:17

And then Christmas is our other big one, where I'll share briefly about the struggle of how, for myself, when Christmas came around the first couple of years, my son would always say how come there's nothing in your stocking? Why isn't there anything in your stocking, mom? It was like, well, because between us, I stuff the stockings. One, I don't have enough money to stuff my own stocking and two, that's just so much work. There's already enough going on. And there are Christmases that my numerous Christmases that my son has said how come you didn't have anything to open under the tree, mom? And so I'm not the only one. It doesn't bother me at all. My kids had Christmas, and that was. As a mom, that's the most important thing. But to sit back and when your kids get to a certain age and they start to notice that my mom wasn't valued, and then they feel an ownership over that, even though that had nothing to do with them.

Speaker 2: 21:14

So this last Christmas we did an event where we had a shop for mom event, and so we had moms drop their kids off for three hours and they got to go do whatever they wanted.

Speaker 2: 21:26

We have background checked childcare volunteers.

Speaker 2: 21:29

We have, like, our safety precautions are through the roof, because kids are my priority as well and we had funded gifts where they got to come in and pick brand new, high quality gifts, which is also really important that we don't take donations of like leftovers.

Speaker 2: 21:45

We want our moms to know that, like, good gifts are what we receive and good gifts are what we give. And so those kids got to pick gifts and got a whole bag of I think it was like eight gifts inside a bag and they got to decorate a card and give those gifts to their moms on Christmas. And so it was, and then the emails that we got thanking them because their kids were so excited, and so you can even hop on. We have a Facebook page at Strong Like Mom and our social media strategist puts up a story like when they send the emails. She'll post those stories there so you can read firsthand like what an amazing gift it is for those kids to have that ownership over something and to feel like they got to show their mom how much they love them. So that's just that's in our events during the year. That is a priority for us is just how do we love those moms and make sure that they know how important they are to us, but also to their kids?

Speaker 1: 22:42

Yeah, and how impactful for the kids to be able to do that. Oh my gosh, I love what you're doing and so, oh, I love it. Well, is there anything else that you would like to share?

Speaker 2: 22:58

I think, well, we have an amazing opportunity so I will share.

Speaker 2: 23:01

We have run almost six years.

Speaker 2: 23:03

The first five years were out of my pocket, like as a single mom, so if there was anything we did I would raise, like the funding would come through me raising funds.

Speaker 2: 23:13

And I've heard, statistically, at five years nonprofits either tank or they take off. And so at five years we really started to like gain ground and take off, and so we were able last year to partner with the Gates Foundation, which triple matches everything that we bring in and we're able to raise $32,000 total and the amazing gift it is that we are able to match with them one more time and so if we are able to raise $10,000 in the next probably 60 days or so, that would bring in a $40,000 total. So we would actually be able to use this money to do things like a single mom's retreat where we could bring our kids and bring childcare and bring someone to cater food for the moms and just really start to like take the idea of caring and serving our moms to such a greater level and so that's all through donation. So that would be a huge connection for us to be able to do that, and then that's kind of the only other thing that we're kind of working at right now.

Speaker 1: 24:19

Yeah, that's incredible, that you're able to partner with them and that they'll match. And, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 24:25

Yeah, it's huge to be a mom. That was like scraping how single mom life is, when you're making sure all the bills are paid and then I'm trying to make sure that we have enough for snacks.

Speaker 1: 24:35

So that's incredible that they are matching and supporting, and so I'll put some notes in the show notes of how people can connect and support if they would like to help with that, with that fundraising for you.

Speaker 2: 24:50

Wonderful, that would be great. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 24:54

Yeah, absolutely so. One question that I love to ask is what is your?

Speaker 2: 24:58

favorite quote? Oh, my goodness, I have so many, so many, but my most favorite is a Bob Goff quote and it says when joy is a habit, love is a reflex. And I found that to be in the season of life. Life is always hard and challenging, but when you can find joy in just some of the simplest, smallest things, it is just overflowing, you know, and then love just spurs from those little moments. So that is it.

Speaker 1: 25:30

That's beautiful, and you know I'm such a strong believer in finding joy and in the day, wherever you can, throughout your day, and it really does bring out the love, doesn't it? It sure does. You have so much passion and such a beautifully kind giving heart and I absolutely love what you're doing and it really just shows I mean, you just shine and light up when you're talking about your I will say I give because I was greatly given to.

Speaker 2: 26:04

you know, like I think that when people have poured into me for many years and I think that that is really the foundation of why it then forced right back out again Absolutely. Thank you so much, shannon.

Speaker 1: 26:16

Yeah, thank you so much for being with us today. I appreciate you taking the time and sharing your story and we will do our best to help support your beautiful, beautiful mission.

Speaker 2: 26:28

Thank you so much I know.

Speaker 1: 26:29

Thank you.