We Are Forever Whaaat? With Chelsea Barbine

I truly believe there is some goodness in this episode for everyone!  You don't just have to be a mom or dad... we dive into some juicy goodness for everyone in a relationship.  However, have you ever considered that postpartum is more marathon than sprint? Chelsea Barbine, founder of CoreCare Cultivate and podcast host of 'Cultivate with Chelsea,' joins us to unravel the complexities of life after the stork has left. With wit and wisdom, she dissects the myths of 'bouncing back' after birth, advocating for a more realistic and compassionate approach to navigating the waters of parenthood. Whether it’s rediscovering personal identity or maintaining sanity and sleep, Chelsea tackles the tough topics affecting both mothers and fathers, serving up her vibrant take on the transformative experience of raising children without losing oneself.

The road to maintaining the spark in relationships post-baby is less traveled and often uncharted. In our heart-to-heart with Chelsea, we whisk away the curtains to reveal the delicate dance of intimacy and connection amidst the whirlwind of new parenthood. Sharing laughs and personal anecdotes, we broach the subject of keeping romance alive — it's not all candlelit dinners but finding new ways to bond when the baby becomes the center of your universe. Chelsea's refreshing honesty and practical advice offer solace and strategies to couples striving to navigate their journey together, reinforcing the unique bond that grows even stronger through the trials and triumphs of parenthood.

As we wrap up our candid session, Chelsea guides us through the art of self-care and balancing life's demands without dropping the ball on personal needs. We chat about the life-saving concept of non-negotiable "me time" and the power of supportive communities like the Cultivate Crew. As Chelsea eloquently puts it, self-care isn't selfish — it's the fuel that powers the family engine. So, whether you're a new mother or a seasoned parent, Chelsea's infectious enthusiasm offers a reminder that while parenthood may be a wild ride, it's also an endless adventure filled with joy, growth, and, above all, love.

More about Chelsea and how to connect with her:

Unpopular opinion, we are forever postpartum. Yes, forever! Inspired by her own journey of becoming a mama, Founder of Core Care Cultivate, Chelsea Barbine, is on a mission to help women embrace motherhood without sacrificing their sleep, sanity, or self-identity.

Website: http://corecarecultivate.com
Podcast: Cultivate with Chelsea 
Instagram:  @chelsea.barbine

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:33

Welcome back to the show. I'm excited to have my friend, chelsea Barbine joining us today. She has her own podcast, cultivate with Chelsea, and she is the founder of CoreCare Cultivate. She's on a mission to help women embrace motherhood without sacrificing their sleep, sanity or self-identity. However, in our conversation today, it gets pretty juicy about relationships in general, not just talking about postpartum. I would ask that you open your mind and open your heart and have a listen to the entire episode, because I believe it applies to moms and dads and, honestly, people in relationships in general. So have a listen and enjoy the show today. Hello Hi, you have the best energy ever. Oh my God.

Speaker 2: 1:28

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 1:35

He started off my day just like amazing.

Speaker 2: 1:41

So many things to share. Since I sent that message. I really do not need this cup of coffee, but I just love it. It's just having a warm, cozy drink. I'm like, oh my God, I am bouncing off the wall. Shannon and Colin said to me this morning he was like just a minute ago, before I came downstairs he was like it's your song, and I was like what? And he's like this song, this is what dreams are made of, and I'm like you're f***ing right. Anyways, here we are. Here we are. Here we are.

Speaker 1: 2:13

Oh, I love it. I am so excited to have you on today. Ever since I heard well, okay, I'm going to be honest so you have like, your thing is that we are forever postpartum and my son is 23. And so I'm like, isn't that really true? And then I heard your episode of where forever, what Wait? I have a confession that you have.

Speaker 2: 2:45

I know, I know, I know I have a confession. Shannon, I almost posted the title as we are forever postpartum, and then I was like wait, chelsea, you give it away. People are going to be like what, like they're no, so like I had to do like that, we're forever what? And I have to do with the inflection because it's like some shocking for people. As you're saying, please continue. Yes, I get a lot of that.

Speaker 1: 3:08

Yeah absolutely Like. That's that it. I was like, yeah, I was like, is that, is that really true? I mean, it definitely piqued my curiosity and then I listened to that episode and I was like I think she might be onto something here, so tell us a little bit about that. Of course, because that's definitely a bold concept. It's a bold concept in a bold point of view.

Speaker 2: 3:31

Yes, well, at times that Leo, energy. I can be very bold, and so energy this morning because I have to apologize if you're listening. I woke up. I don't know how this came. I do not know what the dream was, dear Lord, but like, if you know, you know the song this is what dreams are made of from the Lizzie McGuire movie. Okay, if you haven't ever heard of it, just go type it in a Spotify or Apple. Wherever you listen to your music, you are so welcome. It was that, plus the hot yoga, plus shouting machine, and like, knowing that this is on my calendar, I am next level. So the bold this is probably going to shine extra bright.

Speaker 1: 4:11

Well, hold on we got to talk about Lizzie McGuire for a second because you shared that song this morning in our little group chat and I was like, oh my gosh, one of my daughters loved Hillary Duff and Lizzie McGuire and all the things, and so that took me down memory lane a little bit this morning and what a great way to start the day. So I pulled it up on Spotify and listen to it and it's definitely a, it's definitely a move, and so thank you for that.

Speaker 2: 4:41

You are so welcome. I'm happy to have shared it. Yes, so to your whole questions point of like feeling a little like what is she talking about? You're not the first person, first of all, you know, not a surprise. But also it's not just even mothers who are further along in their journey, it's even newer moms, moms in like the toddler stage, moms, you know, in like that grade school level. They're like what? No, I kind of feel normal, like, I feel like myself, and I think the shift is we actually it takes time but ultimately we do find this, this new normal right After, like we're in this phase I don't know you just kind of like it just becomes the new you where I think we have such a disservice to moms and, honestly, the health and happiness of let's be more bold the world is that we don't prepare expecting moms, especially the first time moms, for the fact that postpartum doesn't ever end.

Speaker 2: 5:54

And then, when I say that again, there's so many beliefs out there, whether you look at it from and it's more so from like the physical dimension right as far as like your body and like your metrics, and like it takes, you know the six to eight week checkup, like your postpartum checkup and then they're like oh, you're cleared, you can go back to working out, you can go back to intimacy I should actually say just sex, because intimacy can be seen as so many different things right, but then it's, you know, kind of like the maternity leave should you be blessed to have I shouldn't even say blessed God, that was awful, but like because so many people don't have it. But should you have maternity leave? There's even stuff out there about. You know, two years is the ideal time between like delivering and then conceiving again. It kind of like gives you, from like a physical, mental angle, the ideal healing process. We'll call it, and I understand that like my belief, like we are forever postpartum is just yet another technical issues, another belief out there. My doubling down on it is because it is the only belief that honors us as multi-dimensional beings, and when I say we're us is like referred to us as multi-dimensional beings. It's that we're beyond the physical right. We're more than just a physical being, and I think your audience very much is open to that or agrees with it already. Like we are a mental, emotional, spiritual and physical being.

Speaker 2: 7:28

Someone even argue that we're spiritual beings having human experience, and I cannot help but believe and feel so deeply in my own truth that I will never think, feel nor act the same way that I did before having my daughter. There's no way. And for that, and in honoring myself as a multi-dimensional self, a multi-dimensional being, there's no reverting back, there's no bouncing back to the Chelsea pre-Francisco that will never. That person will never be, no matter how old she is.

Speaker 2: 8:07

Because I'm always going to worry, I'm always going to think about, I'm always going to be faced with the decisions of prioritizing her over, or really any one, over, myself, right, but especially your children.

Speaker 2: 8:24

And then, even when she dear God, I could cry thinking about it like goes to college or like starts a family of her own, I hope, then then, honestly, per my mom, it just gets more challenging, because then there's just more people to love and more people to worry about, more people to you know, like care for, and it's like, oh, my goodness, I wish, I wish more moms knew that, and I'm like so determined to ensure that that is the new expectation for moms entering into this phase of life, because I think with it there's not as much enduring, there's not as much suffering through the challenges that come with it, and I'm not saying that like this would solve postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, like I'm not saying that at all.

Speaker 2: 9:14

I think that they're very real maternal mental health conditions. But what I think is it's not so much about the mom, it's not so much about the baby it is. It is the preparedness and the support for this new life after birth, which is what postpartum actually means. If we look up the Latin origin, postpartum simply means after birth. There in and of itself is not insinuating that there's any end point to this, how'd.

Speaker 1: 9:41

I do. Well, and when you said that, it really hit me because I was like I said my son is 23,. But then you started talking about you know you never go back, and it's so true because early I still have worries, I still have, you know, and he's an adult. I mean, he lives. He lives with me still, but you know I'm always thinking about what's going on and you know what's going on with him and all of those things. So you don't lose that. No matter how old they are.

Speaker 2: 10:13

No, and what I think for me personally, on my own path, what I have really realized of late. You know, my husband and I our daughter is a year and a half now and we're having a conversation of, like you know, are we ready to try for a second? And even that, like even putting a pause on, like thinking about my daughter right and how that would influence her. I'm also processing this decision even differently for myself, like I look at myself and the decisions that I'm making way differently even for me, and like our relationship it's not even just about my daughter anymore. It's like I have a different understanding of what it actually means to conceive, to carry to birth, to again then have the responsibility of bringing another life into the world. It's like, so like I feel like there's such a resistance until you've experienced it, and then you're like, oh, oh, my God, yeah, yes, how have I never? Yes, why didn't someone?

Speaker 1: 11:27

tell me that before, because the first time you're like you're going in and you have no idea, and so now you have, yeah, so much experience and and I'm still new guys.

Speaker 2: 11:37

Like I said, my daughter is year and a half and there is still so much stuff. Like I was laughing the other day, I'm like 99.9% sure that my daughter has her first crush. Again, she's a year and a half but she goes to you know daycare two half days a week, just enough to socialize with other beings and like let's mommy get worked on, and like we honestly have a break too, and she's obsessed with this little boy in her class named Arthur. Everything is Arthur, so much so Shannon, today. That's how I got her to school on time.

Speaker 2: 12:08

She was like, just we have a very chill, calm energy in our house in the morning and I'm very much like a morning person, Like I want to wake up and like enjoy a few moments to myself, just, even if it's like a few breaths before the day, and everyone else around me is like I'm interacting with people. And I feel that for her too, Like when we get up, if she wants to read 10 books, dear God, we read 10 books and it's like, okay, what time is it? Okay, now we really have to start the day. So like I always try to start her day off and and that like I don't know, versus like the rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, because I do believe it does kind of set the tone for the rest that follows.

Speaker 2: 12:48

But calmer energy, yes, but we were really behind today and I was like, oh my God, mommy has a nine o'clock yoga, Like we actually have to get you to school and like dropped off by like 850, 855 at the latest so I can book it in there, you know. And I like when my husband could tell like I was getting a little like, okay, breathe, Chelsea, how are we going to navigate this? And he's like, just tell her about like AT or ARTH, Like you know, like he's like spelling out Arthur, and I'm like, oh, okay, I'm like Frankie, do you want to go see Arthur tonight? And she's like Arthur, and like, look at my switch school, school. I'm like, let's, let's go get ready for school. Okay, Like me.

Speaker 2: 13:32

Well, how many minutes before, she was like everything was about you know, her breakfast and taking her time feeding the baby with. Like I was like, oh my God, this boy. And now again didn't think I would have to worry about this at this stage, but now I'm already worried about her. Like, okay, so she likes him. What's happening at school right To um? Does he like her back? Like now, I'm worried about all of this and I'm like, oh my God, what was I thinking? What was I thinking?

Speaker 1: 14:05

Oh, yeah, oh my goodness, at a year and a half already having that crush. I blame.

Speaker 2: 14:10

Valentine's Day I'm just kidding, I don't culinary, like affectionate, you know like we're not like inappropriate, but I do think it's important for her to see like us hugging and like you know, again inappropriate kiss, like we're not trying to be whatever. Um. So I don't know, maybe she just like sees that, like she doesn't watch TV, she doesn't get it from that. I don't know where she's getting it from.

Speaker 1: 14:36

So yeah, so I wanted to talk a little bit about the dads. I know that obviously we talk a lot about moms and you talk a lot of the focuses on moms and postpartum. I know a lot of amazing dads, have a lot of amazing dads in my life that I'm friends with and you know thinking back to like my son's dad after we had my son and just like not understanding, I guess, what I was going through. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Speaker 2: 15:05

Yeah, I just want to clarify. I think I know where you're going with this, but, to answer appropriately, are you asking about where I believe the disconnect happens in the relationship or how like? Can you explain that a little bit more in my following?

Speaker 1: 15:20

Yeah, let's talk about that because I know that after I had Logan sex no, thank you, not interested and there was definitely a pretty massive impact on our relationship because that, that distance, because everything was about my child, you know, and so cultivating that relationship, I think that I think there tends to be a massive disconnect between partners when a child is brought in.

Speaker 2: 15:53

Yeah, no, there definitely is, and I so appreciate the nod of cultivate, because relationships are so important. We again, as beings, like we created this sense of connection, of belonging, and with that I think there can feel a little bit of a like a challenge in the prioritizing of our relationships, especially because that's what we've, what we've had, this bond no matter how long you were together before conceiving and bringing the child into the world there is, I think it really all starts with I'm going to be totally blunt here mom's experience the shifts as soon as they find out that they are pregnant. And I say that not to you know, just credit or say that, like dad's can't join along for the journey and be included in that. I mean, my husband was very much involved. I'm so appreciative that he was and he continues to be. It was a conversation that we had, you know, in the beginning and I really leaned into including him as much as I could, simply because of that knowing of like I don't know you, like you find out that you're pregnant and it's like, oh, my goodness, like again, as the woman you no longer are thinking just about yourself, like in that split second, it's like holy shit. You see those two pink lines and you're like okay, and then it just like that's when, like, your motherhood journey begins.

Speaker 2: 17:32

I do believe you can even argue like a little bit before when you're trying to conceive, because, again, some women are focusing on like how do they optimize their fertility and their health, and dads are typically like the secondary, like let's look at dad, like, let's see, like is that influencing, like a challenge, you know, again, with conception, et cetera, and it typically starts with moms. And once we do conceive and again we find out, there is a lot of initiation that is typically taken on behalf of the mom to learn, to prepare and to bond and I think, for the most part, the dad connection and this instinct doesn't really become like necessary or realized as a need until the baby arrives. And that in and of itself right. There is around a nine to 10 month from a very like ideal perspective, right timeline. That's a huge gap, like moms are already mom mode, to whatever level it is.

Speaker 1: 18:47

Deep in it. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2: 18:50

We're almost an entire year before their partner is like we have a baby and it's like, well, that's a lot for the dads to process and I think they also are looking at it, goodness. And again I'm like, oh, I so wish we would have had call. He probably would have been like, well, I'm not doing it for this conversation, but I really would have loved to have his perspective because I know there was a lot throughout my pregnancy he and I would talk about and he would even compliment, like you know, just in such awe, like, oh, my goodness, like just the sacrifice that we moms are making in order to, we hope, carry a very healthy, to term child and also maintain our own wellbeing. And then, like, then we get to the birth, which I know we all look at as like this huge thing, and yes, it is, it's very special. It's also the shortest phase between pregnancy, birth and postpartum of the three and even conceiving for most, and I think even that event in and of itself there is such a, I think, because it is very much the mother birthing and doing the work with the baby. There is this like special bond there and the dad pending the level that he's involved during delivery. That in and of itself, I think can be an interesting dynamic right, they're witnessing and the dads are really. I mean, I remember talking with Colin, like guys, if you want to hear my birth story, I talk about it in my own podcast but like things got a little messy, things got real, Like there was a lot of things that happened and I did not think were gonna happen, and you're kind of like, oh my God, like embarrassed, like oh, you're just still gonna find me attractive and they are just like, holy shit, you are the most powerful human I have ever.

Speaker 2: 20:43

Like it is no matter how your baby comes into the world. Like it is just truly, I believe, a spiritual awakening. If you look at it like that, for a lot of people and I think dads look to their wives you know they're to the moms and it's just like, oh my goodness, it's almost like you. It like I don't want to say it it's almost kind of like a separation, even more beyond that nine to 10 month gap that they're already at and typically which I do encourage, you know, it's the skin to skin with moms. The dads do have it, but for the most part, unless it's, you know, a C-section or things like that and it's, like you know, suggested not to baby goes right to mom, and I'm not saying that that's wrong, I think it is beautiful, that's exactly what we did.

Speaker 2: 21:29

But again, I think it's like it's that, it's that focus, like mom focuses immediately on baby. In that moment you don't really think too much about yourself again, from, like a vaginal delivery, everything is going smoothly, you, they're doing whatever down there and you're just so focused on this baby and from that moment now this baby is in the world and as a mom, instinctually we are so designed to then just put everything into that baby and I think we should right, like there is to again, not a risk compromising our own wellbeing, but in and of itself, like that is the developmental phase of the babies and two from zero to 18 months, it is full blown attachment mode. Like that is what the baby needs. They need to feel safe, they need to feel nurtured, they need to feel that connection, they need to know you're there, like whenever they kind of need, like they need one of the parents there and I think more often than not it is typically the mom, especially if she chooses the breastfeed or nurse or whatever the case may be. And I think when we look at it from a relationship perspective, there is a challenge when it comes to dividing time, I'll say, between caring and forming connection with the baby and connection and even caring in a sense with your spouse. And I actually had a social worker in private practice and therapist, asylia Manila, on my podcast last week and we talked all about rekindling relationship after the baby and she shared something that I thought was so profound, but so I hope I don't butcher it.

Speaker 2: 23:17

But basically connection at the root is like the relationship right, it's like this sense of we are one, we're together, et cetera. And when you have a baby, the only way to discern between the relationship of mother and child, and mother and father, or wife and husband, whatever is intimacy, it's moms don't do that with their kid. So it's like when you're thinking about how to connect with someone differently than how you dads may see that they're observing their wives are doing all this for the baby. They're like let's see, only thing that's different. And I think sometimes it can even seem a little bit like an inconvenience to be like. I just kind of wanna like can you just hold me? Can you make me dinner, can we go on a walk together? When the mom is just like full blown baby energy, baby energy, baby energy.

Speaker 2: 24:12

And that really does continue throughout when the child lives at home. It's always this like this balancing act and I think more often than not it is more so a sense or a seek, a request of connection, not necessarily just intimacy, and I'll be honest, I didn't really think about that until I was talking with Cecilia about that. My husband and I we've even had a conversation about ourselves and I'm like sometimes I'll like come up to me and he'll like hug me or kiss and I'm like, oh, in my head I'm like, oh, my God, does he want to have sex right now? Like I'm like so tired and it's like, oh, I remember that I remember those days.

Speaker 2: 24:52

And like that's not, like he's just like I just want to come up and like hold you, and like that I feel connected to you when I do that and I'm like, oh, but I immediately am like, oh my God, like I'm not even enjoying the moment.

Speaker 2: 25:03

It's more of just like all of these things kind of running through my head as far as like, okay, what time is it? Okay, where is she at? And that's a very different experience, a very different dialogue, unspoken or not, with child versus before Again, because before Frankie, like I wasn't even thinking about her, or like where she was, or like what else you know? Like so I think I hope that answers the question. I think it really does start earlier on, and I think the way that we can solve or at least condense the gap would be to involve partners as early on as you can, and I think also, too, like having conversations ahead of time to understand where the other is at with the change that's about to happen. It's something Colin and I did like God bless him for entertaining my relationship quizzes.

Speaker 1: 26:10

No, that's so good because I would say, the expectation of the partner, the husband, whatever, to get on board. They're almost getting on board like right at the birth, right Cause that's when it becomes real for them. And so making it a priority to have those conversations ahead of time and talk about those things that are gonna come up, and if people are like honest and real about this, is how you're actually gonna feel, because what you were saying about you know Colin coming up and hugging you and you're like literally, does he wanna have sex? Like that is so real.

Speaker 1: 26:47

It is so real and it continues on. I mean, I remember when my son was toddling and you know like sex was. You know, is he gonna open the door, is he? You know, and you, just, you don't feel as but that privacy, that just being able to just be with your partner, you know, because you could get interrupted, they could walk in. You can't relax and just enjoy your sexual experience as much once you have kids.

Speaker 2: 27:22

It is really different and I think it's locked the door. But well, yeah, I'm like oh my God, I didn't even think about that. When, like, frankie's out of the crib, like how's that, you know? Right now it's like we have to monitor up and like there are times, guys, bmi, but like we will be enjoying each other's company from like a sexual perspective, and like monitors right there on the nightstand, and I'm like, wait, does that know what you know? And it's like, oh, frankie, you know, and you like play there for a second. You're like, is she? Nope, okay, hold on, I'll be right back. And it's usually me that goes in Cause. I'm like it interrupts the moment, yes, but I'm like I'll be right back. And it's like a runner For years, yes, and I mean thankfully. It's usually because, like her pacifier like falls out of the crib or something like that, you know. But there, when she was going through her sleep regression and she was waking up several times a night, it was definitely. It definitely influenced you know how we spent our time together and what our priorities were when we didn't have her. Oh, my goodness, I was like I'm going to be woken up maybe four times tonight, like I love you and I love my sleep, so I'm going to need this and then I don't want to snap at you tomorrow, you know, and it's, yeah, it is interesting and I think you know. Again I want to go back to and this is at no fault to anyone, but if we think about it, from this whole experience and again this belief, we are forever postpartum, we, when we birth our little ones, I do believe that we rebirth a version of ourselves and not only do we need time and encouragement to connect with this new version, but like so do our partners. Like our values, our beliefs, our boundaries. A lot of that has shifted and again, no matter how long they've known you, they're used to that version pre-baby. So like that is one piece of advice that Cecilia was giving you know in our conversation.

Speaker 2: 29:16

As far as like it's not even about the intimacy, it's like connecting in different ways outside of that, because, at the end of the day, like that is, at least I believe, which strongly influences the pleasure of the intimate connection and that intimate time. You know, it's like people will say, like oh, my goodness, sex with someone that you're in love with is like totally next level than with someone that you're like oh, you know, and it's true. So it's like if you feel that you're on different pages, right, or there's like this unspoken space between the two of you. I don't know.

Speaker 2: 29:52

I like again, to each their own, everyone is their own individual. But like, jumping into bed for me would be like, hmm, sure, maybe, like in this moment, like it feels good, I feel like I'm taking care of you and you're taking care, like great, but like how does it actually feel if we spent time together, right, and then like, and a few nights after we've spent time together, and like we get to know each other a few weeks or, if you want, like wherever you're at? It's like you're getting to know each other again. And I feel like there is an opportunity with this and looking at it as as scary as it sounds, like we're dating again. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:34

You know, I totally agree with that because versions of you and then making date nights a priority and doing all of those things and making the relationship also a priority outside of parenting.

Speaker 2: 30:52

Well, yeah, because think about it like from my perspective at least, if Colin and I aren't together, like there is no family, you know there's no like. So if I don't prioritize time with him, whether it be date night, whether it be, you know, alone time, whether just in general, like going out and being with friends, or that that in and of itself not doing that influences the family unit, you know there is no family without the relationship. One thing that I do think is super important is and this is something to always revisit because, again, like through different phases of our children, growing like RO needs change and just life changes. You know what we're able to do, what we feel up for doing, what we need. I really encourage couples, especially those who are expecting, because the early days, I mean, it's all hard, like it doesn't? You know it's all hard, but I feel like the new born and days can be the most challenging, probably around like month, like three, I would say is when it like really starts to set in. If you're not sleeping, if you are nursing and the trifecta bottle feeding, pumping, whatever it gets to be a lot. Talk through what fulfills you like, what are like the non-negotiables for you and having like the reset, I think, as individuals because if you know what those things are, it's going to be one easier to. I think. Like hold space for, like if your partner needs something you know to like understand, like they're just asking for, like they're just asking for like the bare minimum right now, like let me just you know. Or if, like you notice that they're kind of struggling, it's like, hey, it's a really easy suggestion for you and it doesn't have to be like this long list of things.

Speaker 2: 32:51

Like I remember, you know, being super early postpartum, not working out. I chose to rest as much as I could. But, like a big thing for me and it still is is like I just want to feel like I'm having a this is so, so silly, but a good hair day. Like, if I feel like I have time, if my hair is real dirty, if I need to wash it and I feel like I can wash it and blow dry it without interruption, whoo, I feel like a whole new woman. Or if I have, you know, if I need to like get it in some dry shampoo without like not like overwhelming everyone else in the bathroom as Frankie's going through the tampons and all the you know, towels and all the cli, like all of that. It's like wow, what, what? Like I am so appreciative because I feel like I'm kind of pulled together.

Speaker 2: 33:37

Now. It's very much of like I enjoy yoga, so like that's my, that's my thing. I really try to get there three to four times a week and we balance it out within our schedule. But Colin, his thing from day one was always like I just need to get to the gym, and now it's I want to be able to go golfing with my, you know, with my buddies, and like golfing is like a thing, like, if you know, it is a good, like five to six hour event. So that in and of itself it's like okay, the gym is like a thing right for both of us.

Speaker 2: 34:11

And I think for him, now that Frankie's a little bit older, like that fills his cup, and so it's kind of like an exchange, you know, and it's not to say it always has to be even, but I know that when he is like in it with me, if I'm like, hey, what about going golfing? It's like, oh, my goodness, yeah, that sounds great, thank you, that is a great idea. And then he goes and he does this thing and it's like, mentally, I'm prepared for it. Okay, frankie and I, we got this. He comes back and it's like he is so rejuvenated and I think when he experiences that it's also like, well, what do you need, you know? And it's like this give and take and again, so it's not just like about this time together, it's also supporting each other in time for ourselves.

Speaker 2: 34:56

So I think we as selves, we feel like we have space for that. You know, we feel like we have the energy to input into our relationship and then put into our family. I don't know if you know those listening or feeling like that is helpful at all, but I don't know. I think, just again, it's like we are. We are more the moms, we're more than dads, we're more than caregivers. You know we need to take that time for ourselves. And sometimes, you know, it's the day to day. It's like a quick meditation, it's a quick dance party with the kids, it's running out to a yoga class or, you know, to the gym to lift whatever. And other times we kind of need like a deeper reboot, whether it's golfing, whether it's, you know, going to have like a little spa day or meeting up with girlfriends for brunch or a little getaway. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 35:51

Like sometimes we just we need that and I would encourage that I completely agree with that, yeah, just like start with, like you know, having the conversation of like what are the non-negotiables, what do you really really really need? And then it's like, as you're kind of going throughout, depending what phase you're at in parenthood, revisiting it. It's like nothing is set in stone. You know what I mean? It's like only the conversation boundaries, it's just the thing.

Speaker 1: 36:19

It's fluid, yeah, and continuing to be in tune with yourself. I mean, I talk about finding what feels good all the time, you know, having your feel-good list. But you know, definitely touching on one thing that really hit with me was that you offer to him for him to go golf, you know, and that's, I'm sure, speaking a love language of his, you know, and then in return, you're gonna yeah, you're gonna get that in return, but it's also doing the things that fill us up so that we feel like, you know, when you're going to your yoga, then you feel like, hey, I could also make that offer to him. And then, individually, you're filling yourselves up so that when you come together, you know you're able to show up more for yourselves or for each other in the relationship.

Speaker 2: 37:05

Yeah, like, think about that. Saying, you know, like distance makes the heart grow fonder. So it's like when there is that space that release the time again, it's that reset. It's like you come back and you're like, oh my goodness, and I think a huge piece of it is like the and it's not or we can have both. I do believe, you know, if we so wish, we can cultivate.

Speaker 2: 37:30

You know the lives for moms, I would say postpartum lives that we desire, and it doesn't have to be, we can't, we don't have to choose. You know it doesn't have to be like we're a really good mom and like an wife or co-worker or self or, you know, friend or sister, like there is balance. I think what's hard for us as women is the accepting of the help to do it. Yeah, and I do think one other piece here that is huge, and speaking of help and looking at relationships, this is one thing oh my goodness, I wish everyone knew. Truly, one person cannot be your, all, your, everything. That can be a very hard concept to wrap our heads around, especially when it comes to our spouses. We go through, should you decide again. I'm saying spouses. So yeah, you're married, but go through this huge ceremony. It's like to death, do us part. We're in it through sickness and in hell, and it's like, yes, and that's a lot of responsibility for one person. And I'm not saying I'm telling people go elsewhere, but I'm just saying, specifically, when it comes to the postpartum piece, welcome and even like doesn't have to be family but freaking hire, hire support from others so that it's not just following on you and your partner.

Speaker 2: 39:07

One of the best things and I'm sure you know again it's like pros and cons but one of the best things was we had my mom can stay with us for the whole first week after Frankie was born, and like just that first week. Again, I wish it was, like you know, a little bit longer or we would have had other people kind of come in after. I'm sure we'll have the conversation again now, god willing, with a second. It's going to be different. You think differently, but just simply having someone else there to ask for something, whether it was like to make me breakfast or bring me water, to go grab a diaper or what I, you know, hold the baby.

Speaker 2: 39:43

When I went to the bat, like whatever it was, you know, while I wash my hair, it was just so nice to have someone else besides just Connell in there and I think it's very easy, especially in today's world, today's society, because of the way that we are placed locationally, so much further away from loved ones. Again, my mom flew in from two states away, like it's. It took a lot, but because we are so separated from our village, from our communities, there is almost like more of like this isolation piece and it's like the two of us, like we're in it, it's like the teamwork, you know, like two to tango, like you helped make this baby happen, kind of thing. So you're going to help, you're going to carry the weight and again, like that's a lot for just two people.

Speaker 2: 40:31

Like you know, again, frankie is our first, but we still have other things, you know, like he ultimately went back to work, we have a dog, we have a house around the house. Like it was a lot, especially when I was pulling back as much as I was, and I did find that the more I could ask for support from elsewhere. I think one, the better that I felt and two, it was it was easier for us to balance. You know, I was like a couple of. It wasn't. I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but I would just I would take away some of that overwhelm.

Speaker 2: 41:07

Yes, yeah, because it's a lot, but it's also like the best. Thing ever, you know.

Speaker 1: 41:13

I totally agree, totally agree. So I would love to. Obviously, you have the Cultivate with Chelsea podcast, which is amazing, thank you. What else have you got going on that you want to share about?

Speaker 2: 41:28

Oh my goodness, shannon, so much, so much. Thank you for asking. Yeah, I will share my. You know, my big thing when I was expecting Frankie was I was so fearful for the birth and I spent a lot of time preparing for birth. And that is so easy to do, you guys, there is a plethora of resources out there. If you are like curious, I've got the whole list of books that I've read, I've got the podcast that I listened to, the courses that I took, like there's so much information out there. And then I got to this point where I was like, oh my goodness, what happens, like after she's here? Then what do I do? And right, and like there's a you know, still a lot out there as far as, like you know, the baby care courses and the CPR and you know there's just like a lot of information caring for the baby and like preparing for the baby.

Speaker 2: 42:25

And what I was really struggling to find was how to prepare myself for postpartum. And again, at this point I didn't really realize that it was this forever thing. It was just kind of like this concept. But I was like, oh, that's interesting, you know Latin origin, postpartum, after birth Cool, but truly like setting the stone or the God, the framework for connecting with myself after birth and then continuing to care for myself after birth and throughout all the phases of motherhood. So, in again helping moms feel a little bit more at ease with this idea that we are forever postpartum, I have an amazing postpartum preparation course. It's called nested and nourished and it's honestly the four step approach to postpartum with ease. So I cover the non-negotiables, what I believe, following the core care, cold spate methodology that, like, every mom needs to know and like have set up before welcoming their little one into the world, so we dive into the most nutrient, dense meals to have prepped on hand, which is, like one thing I really did not do enough of guys. I should have prepared more food. How to navigate those very short sleep windows. So I have all of my tips for boosting your quality of sleep versus quantity because, let's be real, those eight hours are long gone.

Speaker 2: 43:48

Some moms, even pregnant, are like I'm not even sleeping now and you're telling me that I'm not going to sleep after the baby comes. I'm like, yes, and then diving into really nesting your home beyond the nursery, if you're like me, my daughter room shared for the first eight months, so we spent a lot of time worrying about the nursery and she didn't even use it for like almost the whole first year of life, lol and then rallying your support crew. So, again, thinking beyond just your spouse not that they're not amazing and that they can't do all the things for you, but again leaning into experts having a mental health therapist on hand, finding your lactation consultant ahead of time should you want to nurse or breastfeed, finding a postpartum doula if family isn't in your wheelhouse, or even, perhaps most importantly, having a script to help guide you in being very clear in what you're going to need help for and like helping you just feel a little bit more comfortable and delegating and receiving help. If you are like me and you really struggle with that, there's a lot of like other bonus content that comes with it, but it's truly like my number one postpartum resource that I tell every new mom, any expecting mama I send it their way Like that is always my gift. I really, really believe that if more moms were prepared for it, it would solve so many, so many things. So check out Nested and Nourished if you are expecting or if you know a mom who's expecting and you want to give them a gift that truly keeps on giving.

Speaker 2: 45:18

If you are in the trenches of motherhood, like myself, join us in the cultivate crew.

Speaker 2: 45:25

It is truly a one of a kind.

Speaker 2: 45:28

I call it a postpartum support group because people hear like coaching and they're like what I don't need to coach and I'm like no, you do, you do. Motherhood is a lot and if you know, you're just looking to feel not that there's anything wrong with wanting to just be a mom, but if you want to be a mom without compromising your sleep, your sanity, your self identity, come hang out with us. And it is a 12 week container so, pending when this episode drops, you might be joining a wait list, but know that as soon as it opens up, you will receive an email to join us. It includes weekly mom and meetups, a lot of again, bonus content, sharing my four step care method, which I believe truly has saved me in this phase of motherhood, and daily access to me and the other moms in the group. It's truly like I don't even have words for how excited and honored I am to be surrounded by such an amazing energy and truly have guaranteed mom time every week. I like. I think more moms, more moms need that.

Speaker 1: 46:34

For sure.

Speaker 2: 46:35

I wish that was around when I was pregnant, I know. My mom tells me that all the time she's like child where was your, my mom's like, where was your podcast? I was like mom, I was, I was an infant. That's where the pod gets.

Speaker 1: 46:50

So, going back to nested and nourished, you would recommend that for people who have recently gotten pregnant or farther into their pregnancy, at what point would you recommend that?

Speaker 2: 47:02

Great question. I suggest towards the end of your second trimester, because that's like when you're really kind of getting into like I don't know, at least for myself, that's where I was at. I felt anything beforehand would have been a little too much. It's designed to be a four-week course. Should you wish to like space it out.

Speaker 2: 47:20

It's a lot of information I do provide. You know, in-depth education as far as like those pillars of wellness, from a nourish, a sleep, an environment, and then a support angle of like how they do help moms and their overall well-being. And then I have several strategies to support those pillars of health for moms to kind of play with, to try out, and everything is you know, do what feels right for you. And then they have like a little bit of a tracker at the end so then they can kind of reflect on the learning. So it's very integrative. So I would say, you know, hit it up when you feel like you're getting, you feel comfortable and you're ready for the birth. And then you're like, okay, now I'm like ready to really lean in and like prepare myself like mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, like what's about to take place after.

Speaker 1: 48:10

Perfect, and then the Cultivate crew would be. How far after birth would they be like? Technically would be a good starting point for that.

Speaker 2: 48:22

Such a great question. I want to help all the mamas out there. I'm like it's really it's kind of a hard question to answer because right now in this group we have moms who are expecting their second and they have a toddler, and like we're coaching through all the worry that's coming with welcoming a second into the world and like, oh my goodness, I just another mom who was on the call a couple weeks ago I'm like pretty sure, guys, she has had her third baby since we last chatted and she was working through a lot of stuff expecting a third. So it's like we have moms in there who have, you know, four kiddos and their oldest is eight, their youngest is one. Like it's just, it's such a collective group and a collective group of women and some are in the very early days, postpartum, like their little one maybe two months old. So it's really ranging from, I would say, all different stages.

Speaker 2: 49:15

But what I'm finding so beautiful is there are such synchronicities in what we all are, All are experiencing. It's just unique to our own situation. Group coaching is so powerful. If you haven't experienced yet, I highly recommend checking it out. It's wow how one person can be in the hot seat with me and we're doing this one on one exchange and we're coaching and we're getting deeper, deeper, deeper. And then, like another mom, like off again. Everyone's like on off camera, on off mute. It's like, show up as you are. They're like, yeah, like this. I'm telling my husband this as soon as we get off the call and I'm just like God, I love it. I get goosebumps. It's so juicy.

Speaker 1: 49:56

I don't think that answered your question, but no, I totally did and I think that that's that's amazing, because you you have those different levels of motherhood and so you know somebody that's newer in their motherhood journey can also learn from the mom who is on her third child, you know, and just being able to be in that container together and have that mom time, that dedicated mom time every week, where you know you're going to be able to fill your cup a little bit.

Speaker 2: 50:27

Yeah, I think a lot back to like thank you. I think a lot back to like the early weeks with Frankie, you know. Again, I think it's like that second, third month where, like, things get to be a little bit more challenging. Your spouse goes back to work, you're still on leave or you're off work. You're like kind of finding yourself like okay, this is the routine, okay, like I'm feeling, like I'm ready to kind of step back into the world in a sense. Right, but sometimes leaving the house is not ideal and like you don't want to worry about your appearance, you don't want to think about packing the diaper bag, you don't want to think about packing three different backup clothes. You know, it's like the feeding, then like the nap thing. It can be a lot.

Speaker 2: 51:04

So that's why I love that. It's virtual, it's just you truly show up as you are on camera, off camera, whatever. We do a nice little meditation in the beginning, kind of like grounding ourselves in. Then we do a little bit of reflection, so whether it's, you know, you're just kind of processing in your head, you're journaling in a notebook or on your phone, and then it's an open share, and then we all take something to like kind of propel us forward within the next week to marinate with until we come back together to meet the next.

Speaker 1: 51:38

So it's a juicy, juicy little group. I love it. I love it, so I will put all of your contact info in our in the show notes so people can connect with you and of course, listen to the Cultivate with Chelsea podcast. So thank you so much for spending time with us today.

Speaker 2: 51:58

Thank you, I was so excited for that. That's a great start to the day.

Speaker 1: 52:03

Me too, thank you, it really, really was so thank you, have a beautiful, beautiful day, thank you.