Passion, Pleasure, and Purpose - A Fun Chat with Patrick Riley

Have you ever caught your reflection and thought it's time for a change? Patrick Riley, a dear friend and today's guest, shares his inspiring story of transformation and self-empowerment. This episode is a deep dive into how life's unexpected moments can be the fuel we need for personal growth and embracing ourselves fully.  

We get into Patrick's journey, shining a light on the magic of affirmations like "I'm worth it" and how crucial friends are along our journey to heal and evolve. It's a straight-up conversation about finding value in ourselves, shaking off our past, and making moves that change our life. Plus, we explore the dance between our daily grind and our passions, and how a steady chase for happiness can shift our view on what really matters.  And the importance of adding a little bit of twerking into your routine :) 

Closing out, we look at ways to ramp up self-love and share insights from our own paths to getting better every day. Patrick and I open up about the phrases that keep us going and the significance of choices that benefit our future selves. Come along for a celebration of the now, acknowledging our emotions, and stepping into the best versions of ourselves.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:33

Welcome back to the show. I am so excited. Today my friend, patrick Riley, is joining us. He doesn't have a podcast, he doesn't have a business, he is just a dear friend of mine. Not just he is a dear friend of mine and I'm very excited to welcome him to the show today. He has a story to share and it's pretty incredible. So I thought it would be fun to sit and have a chat with him and he really inspires me. He has just kind of followed those little whispers and those little nudges that have taken him down a path. That has been pretty amazing and we'll just see where the conversation goes, but he truly, truly, is an amazingly beautiful soul. I'm so happy to have him on the show with us today. Welcome to the show, patrick. I'm so excited to have you with us.

Speaker 2: 1:33

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me, ms Shanan. I'm so excited. Like I was saying, my ass has been successfully shaken, so thank you for letting me have that time.

Speaker 1: 1:45

Absolutely. Everybody needs a little ass shaken. I just did a reel about that the other day.

Speaker 2: 1:51

Yeah, it was like, being very honest, I nearly almost puked during like his dancing because I don't know what happened. I like ate a little something. Beforehand I had pre-workout so I was like, oh, I'm ready. And you know, apparently I was too ready or something, but it was a good class overall.

Speaker 1: 2:12

Well, that's good. You know I've taken his Zumba classes and they're freaking amazing. It was where I learned to twerk for the first time.

Speaker 2: 2:21

It is. Oh, did I ever tell you the story of the first time that I met him? And it was at his dance class? I can't remember, but I went to the dance class and it was the first time I'd ever seen him in person and I, you know, I wore my short shorts. I was on point. I was like I got to wear my short shorts, I got to like have booty pop in, it's going to be, it's all there. And so I got there and I felt really good about myself. And then I forgot the part where he was the instructor and he was and he did all his booty twerking songs. So he ends with the finale of Buttons by Pussycat Dolls and he has the audacity to slide his hand on the mirror slowly at the leg. It was, it was insane, and I was like, wow, I've been outdone, and I thought my short shorts are really doing a lot of work.

Speaker 1: 3:11

That's fantastic. That is fantastic. It was funny. I was taking a workshop last week and she had us twerking and I totally was remembering back to that class that I was at and she said that it actually like it's like good for your sacral chakra to twerk Apparently. Any more twerking in my life.

Speaker 2: 3:34

You should, I know, once you get over seeing yourself in the mirror, it's just you let go and you, you torque it all out.

Speaker 1: 3:40

Yeah yeah, it's pretty funny. You definitely have to not care what anybody thinks. You're first learning how to do it.

Speaker 2: 3:49

Yeah, you just have to remember that everyone else is looking at their own sweaty asses in the mirrors. Yeah, just worry about your own sweaty ass. That's true, that's true.

Speaker 1: 3:59

So you often inspire me and one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on the show is because, well, you inspire me and over the last several years you've just kind of followed whatever your heart desires, I guess. I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. You just kind of like keep taking these leaps and you just go for it. So I don't know, would you share a little bit about that, because not a lot of people do that.

Speaker 2: 4:32

Well, first of all, I appreciate that, and for you to say that I inspire you, that is probably one of the most humbling things I've heard in a long time. So, thank you for that. I appreciate you and that's a lot to hear. I love it. But yeah, I like to look at it as, like you know, I want to wipe this slate clean a lot of the times, because life has a way of making a mess on your whiteboard and you have all these doodles and all these. Like you know, someone comes up and maybe puts permanent marker on it and you're like, well, everything looks insane and I feel dirty, I feel cluttered, or I just don't feel at all because it's just too much. And so there's been so many times that I have had to wipe my whiteboard clean just because, if I didn't, I feel like I was losing myself. I was losing a lot of me.

Speaker 2: 5:35

And, yeah, there was a lot of times I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, oh, I forgot, like I forgot I was there. I actually remember one time, through a lot of like transitions and changes that I was just about to have, I did look at myself in the mirror and I remember saying out loud I'm sorry, I forgot you and it was really. I had a breakdown moment. I, you know, I cried, and I because feelings are great, we love feelings I cried and I just let it all go and that was kind of where I started the journey of like really powerful.

Speaker 1: 6:14

That is really powerful, like, hit me, like all in the fields. I love that you use the reference of a whiteboard, because a whiteboard we're using dry erase, right, and we can. We can erase and not necessarily erase, but it's not permanent, right. You have, you have the ability to change things and looking at yourself and getting real with yourself and apologizing to yourself is a really beautiful thing.

Speaker 2: 6:46

Yeah it's. I feel like it's important to do, because I don't always acknowledge myself, as it's hard to explain. It's hard to explain. I don't always acknowledge myself as a person. I'm just like I'm in this body and I'm moving about the world and I, you know, I just feel like sometimes, you know, we just go about me, exist and I forget to regard myself as like a human with their own oceans and with their own things and their being, and it's almost like sometimes I have to remove myself from my body and look at myself and be like this person deserves to be kind of, like be kind to as well, like this person deserves grace, this person deserves kindness and this person deserves your attention. So it's weird that sometimes I regard myself as a separate entity like another person in a way?

Speaker 1: 7:32

No, I don't think so at all. I think I think when we can do that, it allows us an opportunity to not really separate but observe as more of an outsider and go. You know, it's like why would you talk to? Would you talk to your friend like that? Would you talk to you know someone you love like that? But we talk to ourselves that way, and so to be able to kind of look at yourself from the outside in allows you that opportunity to do that and create a space. I guess.

Speaker 2: 8:06

Yeah, and that's that's what, that's what really helps me in the end is just like, like you said, the creating space, like creating space for those moments to like, oh, like you can take a pause and just, like you know, recognize these things like it's okay to pause.

Speaker 1: 8:25

It is okay. Yeah, I mean I think it's kind of encouraged, right. You know, just slow down and and take a look and realizing that it really is our life and we do get to choose what we're going to do. And if we're not feeling good within ourselves or with the direction that our life is going I mean so many people, I guess, going back to the whiteboard, feel like it's permanent. You know, it's permanent marker. I mean. I went that path for a long time where I just felt like, okay, well, these are the decisions I made, so this is just how it has to be and it doesn't have to be that way. And so that's really like one of the true, one of the many reasons why you inspire me, because you, you would come to me and be like, um, this is what I'm going to do, and I'd be like, oh, okay, well, that's. You know, I'm sad for me that you're leaving, but I'm super excited for you.

Speaker 1: 9:20

That sounds amazing. I remember conversations and yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:25

I like to keep everyone, including myself, on my toes. Everyone has to be kept on their toes.

Speaker 1: 9:33

You know I it's fun, yeah, when you when you left and before you moved, but when you left working for me. I don't always like to talk about where I work, but you gave me a stone that I still have that I'm showing you, with a little note that I actually read quite often. I don't know if you remember what it says, but it almost makes me cry every time I read it. So I'm going to read it for you. It's the Amazon night for hope and it says affirmation. My life will be an adventure, bathed in the light, and sometimes the dark too, but even in the darkness I'll remember. I'll always have the light inside me, and and it's so true.

Speaker 2: 10:28

It's never been true, ever, Shannon, Like I Wow my powers.

Speaker 1: 10:35

This was almost three years ago that you gave me this I know, and I still have it and I still look at it regularly and it's.

Speaker 2: 10:45

I'm actually so happy that you keep that like. It means a lot.

Speaker 1: 10:50

And when I am having Because we do all go through ups and downs I mean obviously we like to keep our vibration as high as we can and have high energy as often as possible, and I mean you and I are both very similar in that. But there are still darker times and you know bad days, bad moments, whatever, but that really lifts me up when I am feeling down or in a dark place. So thank you for that.

Speaker 2: 11:18

Well, you are eternally welcome. I'm really happy to hear I am. That's all. That's going to be my happy of the month. Oh good, I love that. No, I. It's funny those affirmations are so powerful Like and I learned a lot of those from you too I feel like you remember when I started my what-ifs? Oh, I remember the what-ifs. They came in fast and furious.

Speaker 1: 11:47

And they haven't left.

Speaker 2: 11:50

Good good.

Speaker 1: 11:51

Yeah, no, they are here to stay.

Speaker 2: 11:53

Yeah, I fully believe in the power of affirmations.

Speaker 2: 11:56

I think, as humans, when we tell ourselves these things, especially out loud, I've noticed that me personally, when I say things to myself out loud, it carries somewhat more power, because we just have so many thoughts that go through our head today, like I know that there's all sorts of statistics out there that say it could be 6,000 thoughts a day, it could be 60,000 thoughts a day, and we just know that there's a lot of them that buzz around and so I feel like it gets kind of murky and cloudy.

Speaker 2: 12:29

So when you verbalize it to yourself, it's just so much more powerful. And yeah, I remember when I was going through some really dark periods in my life, I had to say these affirmations out loud and really, really tell myself you have value, you have worth you, and I'd say it all the time to myself. If I got to the brink I'd look at myself in the mirror and just say you're worth it, you are worth it. And it felt corny at the time but it was so powerful because it helped me realize that, like, once again, I looked outside of myself and I was like this is a human, this is a human that's hurting and he needs help, and I would tell myself you know you're worth it, and so it carried me through a lot of times, these affirmations, and I have to really thank you in part for that. So thank you.

Speaker 1: 13:31

Very welcome. I guess a question that I have is did you believe it when you would say it right away, or did it take practice and time doing that?

Speaker 2: 13:47

It took a lot of repetitive motions of saying it over and over again. It's funny because I'm in behavioral health now with little kiddos and a lot of what we practice is shaping behaviors. We're shaping out the problem behaviors and encouraging good behaviors or what we deem as healthy behaviors, and a lot of it that I've learned, and just like the little bit of time that I've been doing it, is that it's repetition. It's a lot of I'm repeating myself over and over again to shape out this behavior that could be problematic to them, unhealthy to them, and encouraging these strong behaviors and fall through repetitions all through. You know, oh, we don't touch that, we don't touch that or like it could be, like say this thing.

Speaker 2: 14:41

And so it's funny because I've been noticing, as I've been doing this line of work, that it leads into so much of our other life, of our daily life, of how we should be living, because it is about repetition. It's about, you know, you do have to tell yourself over and over again like I'm worth it. I'm worth it because like we want it to stick, we don't. What happens with behaviors if we don't repetitively, you know, reinforce it or extinguishers, they'll just come back up.

Speaker 2: 15:12

Like they, they pop back up, they don't go away or they increase because that behavior is so normal and it's so comfortable, because that's all that we've known of that behavior. So, and that could bleed over into like self worth in a person, or you know negative thoughts or you know just those types of ideologies within yourself. So I feel like I really had to tell myself a lot that I was worth it and you know I went through. There was some, there was some phases that I had to go through because I, you know, I, I guess I should like start the kind of not the beginning, but like where a lot of it was at and I was back in gosh when I was 26.

Speaker 2: 16:03

How old am I now? I'm 36. I never remember how old I am. I know right, math guys, age math it's not fun.

Speaker 1: 16:14

So that was about 10 years ago. Just a number.

Speaker 2: 16:17

Thank you, thank you, that is so true.

Speaker 1: 16:25

I was going to say we're only as old as we are.

Speaker 2: 16:29

Wow, so true, but it was about 10 years ago when I started having health problems. I was experiencing an assist on my tailbone, which was it, one of the more painful kind of medical procedures you can go through, because it just once it flares up, it's just, it's terrible, it's it's really bad pain and it's really hard to go away and cure. So I had, over the course of gosh, I want to say six years, I had about seven or eight surgeries I lost count after a while, but there's so many surgeries to cure it and throughout the course of that time, I was down on the couch for months at a time. Sometimes, like, there's a time when I was out for a month and a half and I gained a lot of weight, I, I lost a lot of self worth and I thought I was somehow failing myself because I couldn't get healthy, which was, you know, wild to think in bonkers, because I really couldn't help what was happening to me.

Speaker 2: 17:47

But you know, we'd like to have these self sabotaging thoughts sometimes where we tell ourselves, oh, like this is somehow your fault and you're not doing enough to cure it. So I, you know, I, reached a pinnacle in my life where I, you know I had, you know I failed it. I thought I had failed at a job that I didn't really like, have a lot of passion in anymore, but I still thought I had failed and my weight was out of control and all this stuff ABCD. And so this was when I, just you know, started having a lot of intrusive thoughts about you know you know like if this is all that there is to life, then, like, this sucks, I want to do it.

Speaker 2: 18:37

I wasn't thinking of like anything beyond that. I was just like this. I don't want to do the same more. This is terrible and you're terrible. And there is One day that you know I looked. It was that day that I was telling you about earlier. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked sad. I looked, I had you know. I didn't recognize who I was anymore, Not even like appearance wise, but just like. It was one of those moments where you could see your thoughts like on the outside of you. You could see everything you were wearing on the inside was on your outside too, somehow. Yeah, and I.

Speaker 2: 19:20

That's when I had to tell myself I was like, you're worth it and you know it's. Yeah, I just I really had to tell myself you were worth it, Like it's, you can, you can do this. You got this and I had to pick myself up and I had to like practice a lot of grace. I had to lean on people. I leaned on friends, I leaned you included. Absolutely. I had to lean on people because I realized I couldn't do that by myself anymore. I couldn't go through all these surgeries. I couldn't go through, you know, work, strife, and you know, and I also, you know, throw in a relationship issues and then you really have a trifecta of deliciousness, Right, Right. So so, yeah, that's when I really found the power of affirmations and I really found the power in saying these affirmations out loud because, yeah, I just feel like it helped to vocalize this feeling of power and me and the feeling of like your, your person, that deserves feeling like you're worth something. Yeah, so, because I know that, like your heart is, I know your heart is good, I know you're you're a sensitive, squishy little person, but and that's great and lovely, and you and you know, if people are capable of loving you as much as they are they do, then you've got to be doing something right. So that's kind of when. And then, you know, I started it kind of snowballed from there. I started gain control of my weight, I was cured, in a sense of the word. I I my wound finally sealed after so many surgeries and I didn't have to deal with that kind of mental anguishing form. And I feel like when those things started happening in my life and I started, you know, affirming myself again, that kind of helped and ignited me into starting to think about changing and like changes.

Speaker 2: 21:32

And you know, I started regarding like monotony in a different way and I I looked at it and I was like, oh is, is your life monotonous or is it consistent? Because those are two very different things and you know, some people think they mean the same thing but they do not. And yeah, I look at monotony as like it is routine, without pleasure, passion or purpose, and three P's there. And if you don't have some, or if you, especially if you don't have all of those things, then you have to reevaluate what you're doing in your life and, you know, start assessing, like well, why am I doing this? Why do I keep on going through this cycle. You know, not to say that consistency is great, Having routines is fantastic in life and you know, wanting to. You know, especially if they're healthy routines and especially if they have those like you know, if it gives you pleasure and makes you happy, if, like you feel passionate about what you do, and if it feels like you're doing something in life, you're like I'm, I'm achieving something, that's your purpose.

Speaker 2: 22:37

Then that's good, but monotony is, I feel, like the antithesis of that. So that's kind of where I I I started breaking that cycle and then I went back to school and I finished my degree and I decided I was going to move down to Seattle and leave my job of 15 years and it was just, it was one change after another.

Speaker 2: 23:03

You know, I, I, my relationship of like six years had ended in a really not great way and I was like you know, we're going to, we're wiping the board clean. The white board is it needs to be cleaned off because it's too muddled, and so all these changes started happening. And yeah, I'm not going to lie, it's good to get the shit out of me.

Speaker 1: 23:24

Yeah for sure, but it's crazy how it's crazy. How well, it's not crazy, but how it all began, with you starting to say positive things to yourself and deciding that you were worth. It's almost like that decision right there like started to heal every part of you, your, your wounds from your surgery, you know, like everything like that started your healing process by doing that and those affirmations and and taking, taking power back of your life and your decisions. And and then it just like started to open this beautiful, beautiful path. And who, I mean, would you have thought, when you were standing in front of the mirror saying those things to yourself, that you would now be in behavioral therapy teaching children the same thing? I mean, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: 24:18

Well, when you say it like that, I turned into like the mind blown emoji. I'm like whoa, that's a big whoa.

Speaker 1: 24:24

Yeah, it's like. It's like we start doing these things and we have no idea where the path is going to take us. And you went from there to here and wow, you know yeah, it's.

Speaker 2: 24:39

It's funny because I, you know, I didn't even realize it until you just said that that like there really was no rhyme or reason to win. All of a sudden I got healed. As to why I was healed? Because we had, like I almost thought like I had the same doctors, the same nurses. That staff was incredible. I loved them. Every time I went into the doctor's office it was like we were having a party. They're like. They're like hey, we're talking about drag race, we're talking about going out to the clubs and all that kind of stuff. It was so fun. I hated being there for the reason I was yeah, but we made it fun, but we made it fun.

Speaker 2: 25:14

And I love that. But we after a while I was like you know, you guys are just like going to be my family, I guess, because I can't get rid of me, and so it was. It's funny that, yeah, you're, I'm almost having like an epiphany moment, that you that, when I started doing these kind of affirmations in this, like really hammering home that like I have value and I like trying to really push some positivity in myself, it's, you know, I'm not going to say there's coincidence. It's definitely a strong correlation there and I haven't really ever thought about that. So thank you for that You're welcome.

Speaker 1: 25:54

Yeah, that's pretty incredible. You know, louise Hay has a book you can heal your life, and you might even just be proof of that right here. You know, I mean that's pretty incredible, I don't I? Mean, I don't know that we've ever talked about that before, because it literally just came to me. I was like, wait a minute, I'm finding, finding your passion and your purpose and pleasure, that we said pleasure, purpose and passion. Yeah, I love that. The three P's yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:23

Like and the fun. Finding the fun. That's what you know, that's what it's all about. For me is finding the fun whenever I can. Yeah, pleasure and passion too, exactly, and purpose right and purpose, yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:40

And like it's. It's funny because I, from that, I birthed so many. That sounds weird to say a birth, but it gave way to so many other different passions that I have in my life. Now that I wouldn't trade for the world, like, I have a spiritual passion of like terror rating, and I have, you know, this really huge appreciation for spirituality and looking at spiritual and energies as like, not only very real but very necessary in life. And, yeah, just spending that time in my life when I started talent, talking to myself positively and I started literally just talking to myself, like and being kind to myself is it.

Speaker 2: 27:22

Just it was this cascade of, like you know, fabulousness.

Speaker 1: 27:27

So I was on a on a call earlier. I'm taking a class from my what if? Lady Marie Manu Cherry, and she's an energy intuitive and, like every course that she offers, I take because this woman speaks my, she speaks my language and she was talking about I took some notes because I'm like I don't want to forget exactly what she said but she was talking about how the divine, god, universe, whatever your beliefs are, they don't care what vibration you're choosing to live in, because you're going to experience whatever you're going to experience. But if you choose a higher vibration, you're going to experience joy and pleasure and passion and fun and all of those things, and if you choose a lower vibration, it's going to be a little bit more complicated and a little harder. No matter what, we're all going to have an experience regardless. So why not choose the higher vibration and have more fun?

Speaker 2: 28:33

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 28:34

Make it a little bit easier on ourselves.

Speaker 2: 28:36

A thousand percent.

Speaker 1: 28:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:38

And you know it's funny, because those, those vibrations I mean all of them are necessary. It's just where we choose to stay longer in we, you know, because lower vibrations and experience in those motions are really essential to the human experience. We need to feel sadness and sorrow to realize what makes us happy. We need to experience stress in order to show us what motivates us. And, you know, we need to experience all those like lower points in order to shine a light on why those positive things are better to stay in. Because you know who wants to stay in those kind of like those murky, crappy territories? No one. But you do have to go through it to kind of I don't say to like, you know, harden the shell, but it really does. It shows you what the other side is like and why you want to be there.

Speaker 1: 29:35

Well, you also really need that contrast to know what you want in your life, because if everything was perfect all the time, then you would never think, you would never get anywhere and you wouldn't grow and expand and do all those beautiful things Boring, but, yeah, you know. So we do need to have, we need to have the obstacles, we need to have the contrast, we need to have this add, you know, feelings and feel through those feelings and not not push them down and push them away. We absolutely need to feel through them but, like you said, it's it's how long we stay there. The other interesting thing that she said was she was talking about resistance and how it is giving us information and to lean into our resistance. So when you're feeling really strong resistance to something, it means you should really go towards it. I was like, yeah, because I have some things that I feel like I block. It's like okay, allow it in, allow it in, and I just thought that was. She said that the resistance gives you more information.

Speaker 2: 30:38

That's where your introspection really needs to kick into overdrive.

Speaker 1: 30:42

And you'd be like, oh why, and to get curious, she's always like get curious, get curious about it. You know, get curious about it. And I was like I don't know, it was totally a conversation I needed to have for here tonight, and so you know, the universe does its thing for me.

Speaker 2: 30:58

Yeah, it's both fun and terrifying as hell to really take a look at yourself and say why am I doing that? Because, you know, sometimes we just want to have fun and we just want to have, like, have the yahoo's out there. But man, if you take a look at yourself, sometimes it's hard, but it's good, it's you. You've found the good bits too. You find the, the juicy bits, and you really discover yourself and you're like, oh, like that's why I'm feeling like this, like yeah, and also and this is where, like you know, I very much so endorse therapy and so I want that to be my future line of work and it's my current line of work.

Speaker 1: 31:36

But I've been in therapy for years. I totally it's not a bad thing. You know exactly.

Speaker 2: 31:44

You gotta talk about it, and I'm a life coach. So there you go Exactly. And yeah, you have to. You have to really dive into those, those juicy bits of your part, because when you discover a part of yourself you never knew about before it's you feel like one of the most powerful people in the entire world. You're like I, I don't know. It's like solving a ribbits cube or something.

Speaker 1: 32:10

I totally agree, 100%, 100%. Yeah, it's. It's kind of. It's interesting how we go through life and we we lose who we are or don't even really know who we are. And I mean I've spent years, I mean you've seen me do my thing. You know you've often referred to it as a glow up on my end. You love a glow up and we love a glow up, and you know it's like I didn't, I didn't know who I was, you know, and now I mean just like you looking in the mirror and saying those affirmations, and now you're in behavioral therapy. You know, like I didn't know that the path that I was on was going to lead me to where I'm at. I was just. You know, we follow those little breadcrumbs and those little badges and the little whispers that that take us down a path and end up being surprised and delighted.

Speaker 2: 33:04

Yes, yeah, I I find that, like, the more I I ask myself a lot of questions, the more I am surprised by what I find. And yeah, sometimes it's good, sometimes bad. Sometimes I find out, wow, you are, sometimes you're a little too sassy and you sometimes your clap box might not be appreciated by everyone, and but then sometimes I find out that I am softer on the inside than I I want to be, or or I tell myself I need to be, and so, and when I figure out like that, like, okay, like you know, I do have a softer part that needs to be respected and honored and you know it, it helps me respect that part of me and it helps me respect, like you know, the pieces of me that you know go into this really cool, fabulous 18 layered cake of Patrick 18 layer cake of Patrick.

Speaker 1: 34:06

I love it, I love it.

Speaker 2: 34:11

It's delicious. I don't know what flavor it would be, but it would be amazing. Heart, german chocolate heart, oh gosh, I don't even know. Maybe like a raspberry filling or something, or custard. That'd be weird together, actually, yeah mind. As soon as I said it, I was like no, no, take it back, no they don't make. Oh, this is why I'm not a baker.

Speaker 1: 34:43

So what would you say if somebody was feeling like they were in a dark space and feeling a little bit lost and stuck? What would you, what advice would you give them?

Speaker 2: 34:59

I would first tell them that you know people in those spaces, myself included, and they feel very isolated and feel very. You do feel alone and sometimes people need to be alone to process things. But if you, once again, if you stay in those spaces for too long, it can really do more harm than help. Processing is great, introspection is amazing, but if you bring in like a negative space for too long, it leads to, you know, a wealth of really bad things anxiety, depression, all that kind of good stuff, not good stuff. And so I like to let people know that if they're experiencing those dark spaces, that they're not alone, that they do have a cheerleader, Even if it's not necessarily something that they want in that time, because they want to be alone. They, you know, if you feel like you have failed, if you feel like you are not worthy of attention, love someone noticing you, then it's hard when people do notice you and when people do want to pour attention to you, because you might think it's false, you might not trust it. But you I like to you know, let people know that I'm there and whether that means you know saying, just simply saying hi, like I'm proud of you for what you've done here at A, b and C, or if it's just saying like, you know, I think you, I like your book choices, or it could be anything like it could be something, but you just let people know that you're there in in small ways, whatever you can, and then once you, you know, kind of have your in a lot of what I do is you know?

Speaker 2: 36:49

The reason I wanted to go into like therapy is I feel like I am a really good listener and everyone has a story to tell. If people think that they are boring, or they, you know, I talked to a lot of people and it's funny, because the funny thing about listening is that you hear a lot of insecurities that people can't like say and kind of like word vomit up and a lot of people say, oh, I'm like. If I ask if I meet someone new, I'll be like oh, like, tell me your story. Or you know like, where are you from, what do you like, what are you all about? And I hear many times people say I got a story, I'm boring, or like I'm very vanilla, I don't have anything and I'm like. Well, that's not true at all. Everyone's life is unique and I mean every stranger. Hearing your story is hearing it for the first time. That that was the first story that they will ever hear. For the first time because, like yours, is a unique story to tell.

Speaker 2: 37:44

So I listen and I like to listen to people talk, and a lot, of, a lot of that is the healing part I feel like for people that are going through those dark periods is, you know, it's okay to lean on your tribe that you built around you and it's okay to vocalize what's going on and usually like saying these things out loud. You know, just like affirmations, saying things vocally is extremely powerful Because, once again, we have all these thoughts buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz around our head. You know thousands of them per day, but you know it's not until we say something that it really it can become very, very real. And so if you vocalize where you're at and what's really eating at you and what you know, and if you can, if you have the ability to just be a little bit vulnerable, it doesn't have to be a lot. You don't have to pour yourself out, because that can be really hard and not everyone is in a space where they want to be vulnerable, but if you can just give a smidge to someone that you feel like you're close within life, or that you know someone that maybe has like reached out to you. They maybe texted you and said, hey, how's it going? Like that's a boring text, but it shows you that someone is paying attention and so you know, look for those, look for those signs in your life of people that want to hear from you and don't be, don't be afraid to say say something, but be vocal, like, be vocal about it and just make sure you say something.

Speaker 2: 39:19

I think that's where a lot of work starts, including saying something to yourself. I mean me personally. A lot of my work on myself started by vocalizing what I needed to hear and what I deserve to hear from someone. And you know I may have heard some of those words from other people, but not in, not in the same way, because you know I was. I was in a space where I wasn't being incredibly vulnerable about every bit and piece of everything that was going on, like people knew that I was going through struggles and people knew that I was like in a spot that were like tight and uncomfortable and I wasn't at my peak, patrick, but but you know they were still, like you know, trying to give me words of encouragement. That was nice and I I I appreciate that. I took that in, but it, you know, I started being vocal with myself too, and that's where the power came. So I think that's a really long answer. No, it was wonderful.

Speaker 1: 40:17

I appreciate that because you're spot on with that. Do you know what I mean, Like when we I mean you're teaching me something here right now, you know just really vocalizing. How do I feel? What am I feeling? What could I do for myself? How can I show myself some more love? Am I being honest with myself about what's going on with me, truly, and then feeling like I can actually, even if it's just a little bit, open up to somebody and take the mask off, you know, and really really be vulnerable to just share just a little bit, so that I don't feel so alone? You know, I think that's really really helpful advice. Thank you for sharing that. I think that'll be really impactful, Really inspiring.

Speaker 2: 41:02

You're amazing, oh gosh. I, like I said, I like to be squishy on the inside and I get a lot of feelings and it all pours out.

Speaker 1: 41:19

You're amazing. You're amazing, Patrick, and I'm so happy that you are in my life.

Speaker 2: 41:26

I'm happy too, shannon, I am not kidding, I am. It's one of those things in life where you know, at one point or another you are my boss and you know there's some jobs where and I've experienced this a couple times where you leave your boss and you're like good riddance, like please if I could never see you again. I wish you well in life, but like I wish to not see you and I'm so lucky that, a I didn't feel like that towards you. B even better, I got you as a friend. Like how blessed am I in friggin life to get that? Like I don't know. I appreciate that, thank you.

Speaker 1: 42:05

And I'm also glad that you didn't feel like you didn't ever want to see me again. And and we get to get together and have lunch or coffee or whatever.

Speaker 2: 42:17

even if I only remember to take pictures of the food and not us, I believe I did that that was my favorite and it's funny because I didn't realize that until you like brought attention to it and I was like oh, I read myself out. It's okay. The food was delicious. I totally get it I can't?

Speaker 2: 42:36

the conversation was so amazing and you know, yeah it's true, you know it's funny, I forget to do that so often. I, you know, I call it living the moment, but I do like forget to take pictures so often. And so, um, and you know, sometimes my friends are my, my partner. He'll give me shit and a lot of times he'll say you know, you post this, you didn't do this. I'm like I was enjoying the experience in the present, and that should mean more.

Speaker 1: 43:07

Yeah, I think I go through periods of time where sometimes I take a ton of pictures and then other times I don't. And yeah, it's a really trying to focus on being in the moment, because it's important. It's where the magic is, in the moment. Yep in the present moment and in the micromoments. In the micromoments.

Speaker 2: 43:29

Is it okay if I ask you a question? Sure, do you have like a favorite, like personal quote that like really like strikes within you, like brings brings forth the emotion?

Speaker 1: 43:43

That's a great question. There's a couple. One that I remind myself often is what's going on with other people has nothing to do with me. And then I add to that and what's going on with me has nothing to do with other people. I use that a lot when something comes up like maybe somebody didn't respond to my message or whatever you know, and I'm like they've got their own stuff going on. You know, like it's okay and that's been something as I've kind of gone into my learning to be a little more independent and less codependent. That's been a huge, a good reminder for me on a pretty regular basis. That's probably one that I pull the most. I love that.

Speaker 2: 44:30

Often I feel like there was a moment in my life that shifted I feel like a lot of people go through this when you realize that you don't have to worry about everyone's opinion so much, because if you do, it usually welcomes so much more stress in your life than pleasure or passion or purpose.

Speaker 1: 44:49

Well, yeah, and usually there are things going on with other people. You know, I mean, honestly, people are really not thinking about other people most of the time. Do you know what I mean? Like, obviously we reach out, we do those things, but it's like our insecurities that we have about people judging us and doing all these things when they're really not paying any attention because they have their own shit going on. You know, you can totally make a fool of yourself and maybe somebody would laugh for a second, but it's just a second and it's fine and you move on and nobody's going to remember it tomorrow, you know no, it's like being in dance class and looking yourself in the mirror.

Speaker 1: 45:34

You know twerking away and twerking away.

Speaker 2: 45:39

Everyone's worrying about their own sweaty asses.

Speaker 1: 45:41

Yeah, for sure For sure you worry about your own sweaty ass. What's your favorite quote?

Speaker 2: 45:46

I know, I know I have more and I just can't think of them at this particular moment, but one that has stayed with me probably since the beginning of my wiping the whiteboard clean moment was oh gosh, let me make sure I don't my present self is someone my future self would be proud of. I think about that quite often. I had a fun little story. I remember when I was nine years old and there were. I was in third grade and I was in the class and I was doing some sort of assignment and I remember some teenagers from the local high school close by came over to help out the kids. I think it was dental hygiene or something really weird Also useful, but weird.

Speaker 2: 46:48

I remember thinking wouldn't it be cool if my future self walked in the door right now? I bet he'd be amazing. I remember thinking that I bet the 18-year-old me is going to be so cool. I remember that has stuck with me throughout my entire life. I don't know why. I will never forget that moment. I just remember thinking of myself in awe. I was like I bet he's going to be a superhero. Basically, I love that. I love that. I know it's not weird, but it's something so strange. It's a strange moment to stick with me forever, but it has it really stuck with me throughout my time of transitioning in life and making all these huge changes because I realized and this is kind of like into the conversation we just had I realized that I needed to stop worrying about making everyone else proud around me and I really wanted to make myself proud. I regard my future self really in high regard. In a weird way, I currently think my future self is going to be a badass. I think he's going to be an amazing there.

Speaker 1: 48:01

Your current self is a badass too.

Speaker 2: 48:03

Thank you. I feel like my future self is also going to be a badass, maybe a little more badass. I hope that I can make this really cool person that's going to be amazing and doing things that are worth purpose and intention and passion and all this stuff. He's happy. I hope that he looks back and he's thankful for the person I am right now and doing the hard work and making things happen in my life and setting him up for success. I want to set him up for success because it's one of those things again where I'm looking at myself almost as a separate entity. I'm like that's a human and he's going to be amazing and that's going to be me.

Speaker 1: 48:43

Yes, I love it. I love it. That's amazing. There's another quote that I cannot remember exactly how it goes, but it talks about how people will not be. It's about choosing authenticity over fitting in, and how people will fit in and not speak their truth and not be authentic because of the rejection. Again, I don't remember exactly how the quote goes, but it's like they'll give up their authenticity just to fit in Quickly too because it's hard to figure out sometimes who your authentic self is, because it can be scary to do the introspection.

Speaker 2: 49:27

It can be scary to do those really hard questions and look at yourself and look at your insecurities and analyze them. That's scary to do. It can be one of the most terrifying things to do in life because we go through phases of monotony or consistency or what have you and we don't realize that we're developing into a different person that has completely different ideologies, is acting completely different externally to everyone around them and is reacting to their environment different than you used to.

Speaker 2: 50:03

You just go through the motions of life and you just don't realize how you're changing and then, when you do, finally look at yourself and you say, oh, I changed. That duvied person I used to be, or that person that had these goals or these dreams, or just the person that laughed off criticism, they changed. That's hard to look at, and why did it change?

Speaker 1: 50:31

Yeah, I totally agree with that, because I went through when I had started my life coaching certification course. I was doing a deep dive into my stuff and actually I go back before that. I had this life that people would comment on and, oh my gosh, your life looks amazing and you look so happy. This was literally just a couple of years ago. I was like, well, it looks amazing, but I feel like shit and something's still not right For me.

Speaker 1: 51:00

I found that it was because I wasn't really getting honest with myself about where I was and how I felt and what I wanted and the life that I really truly desired. I felt like I had a mask on and I wasn't really being my true self, really diving into all that stuff and getting really honest and clear and forgiving myself for choices I had made in the past and things that I had done, and forgiving people who had hurt me intentionally or unintentionally. That was all pretty massive for me to make a shift. And now I'm just me. It feels really good to not feel like I have to put on a show. Not that I had to put on a show, but I didn't feel like I could be who I am.

Speaker 1: 51:54

I don't know if that makes sense or not. That makes complete sense.

Speaker 2: 51:59

I'm also very glad that you forgave yourself, because I think all versions of Shannon are worthy of forgiveness, Once again looking at yourself as a separate entity. That Shannon deserves it. Every version of you deserves it.

Speaker 1: 52:16

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 52:23

I'm glad I've known every version, but I know this version today.

Speaker 1: 52:26

Thank you, unmasked, unmasked, the unmasked, shannon.

Speaker 2: 52:33

And she is fabulous.

Speaker 1: 52:37

Thank you. This has been so much fun. Thank you so much for coming and chatting.

Speaker 2: 52:44

I can't believe, so much time has gone by already Is this what happens?

Speaker 1: 52:48

This is exactly what happens.

Speaker 2: 52:50

Wow. Time is a construct. I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I'm here. I can't believe I'm here. I could talk forever and I always tell myself you can't talk that much.

Speaker 1: 53:06

You're a better listener and then the moments like this happen, I can really talk a lot Surprise.

Speaker 2: 53:13

Well, in all fairness, we haven't really talked since Christmas other than on Marco Polo, that's true.

Speaker 1: 53:22

I'm glad I'm here.

Speaker 2: 53:25

There was some juicy conversation that I remember there was. That's true. We won't talk about that here.

Speaker 1: 53:34

We'll leave it there. Better left Well. Thank you so much. This was amazing and your words of wisdom and being vulnerable and opening your heart up to us is so appreciated.

Speaker 2: 53:50

I'm glad you're here. Thank you, michael. I just want to say thank you to all of you For your incredible work and I'm glad that we're here. Thank you, michael, it's been a pleasure. I'm glad you're here, thank you. Thank you, I think it was a pleasure and I remember, like, just listen to me and this is like throughout all of life. I I feel like I've told you this before, but I can't remember why I said it exactly like this. I really appreciate you being one of those humans for me that could listen and help me.

Speaker 2: 54:24

So I appreciate you and I love every part of you.

Speaker 1: 54:32

Thank you. You are so very welcome and you are very, very dear to my heart. So thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 54:39

It's been fun. Yeah, oh, my goodness.

Speaker 1: 54:42

This has been fun. Thank you so much for joining, patrick, and I wanted to circle back regarding a quote that I had mentioned and I didn't have the quote specifically on me. I knew the gist of it, but I couldn't remember the exact quote, so I'm going to share that with you. It's from Mark Groves at Create the Love. He says we have two fundamental needs as humans authentic self-expression and belonging. But if our authentic self-expression threatens belonging, belonging wins. Think about that. I'll say it one more time we have two fundamental needs as humans authentic self-expression and belonging. But if our authentic self-expression threatens belonging, belonging wins.

Speaker 1: 55:27

That quote really hit me the first time I heard it, because so often we don't feel like we can live in our authenticity and be who we truly are, at our core when we're around people, because we don't want to be teased or ashamed or not fit in and feel like we don't belong, feel like we're different. And the truth of the matter is we are all beautiful, unique, different souls. And do you really want to be like everybody else? I sure don't, and you know what. Everybody doesn't have to like us. But the important thing is that you honor yourself and you are in integrity with yourself and value who you are at your core and take off your mask and be your true, authentic self so people can get to know the real you.

Speaker 1: 56:22

The other thing I wanted to mention again is the aha moment that Patrick had during our conversation. It hadn't really occurred to him that the healing his physical healing happened after he started showing himself some love and pouring into himself and speaking kindly to himself. And it kind of hit me during our conversation when he was talking about that. I just kind of put it all together and it's so true that our words are powerful, our thoughts are powerful, and he literally healed himself from my perspective and, I believe, his perspective now too. So I think he was really onto something with speaking it out loud and really utilizing his voice and reminding himself over and over and over again that he has value and he deserves to be treated kindly and with love, because we all do. Just a little reminder for you. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day. Much love, bye-bye.