The Power of Song with Glenda Benevides

Join us as we embark on an auditory adventure that spans the evolution of narrative in songwriting, the serendipitous paths life carves, and the dynamic shifts in personal identity that define our existence. This episode is an ode to the courage and clarity it takes to embrace one's voice in a world often obsessed with categorization and conformity. With Glenda's insight into her creative process, environmental advocacy and the Goddess Movement, we traverse the interplay of personal beliefs and societal issues, and how they inspire the music that becomes the soundtrack to our collective experience.

Learn more about Glenda Benevides at:
W: https://glendabenevides.com
IG: https://glendabenevidesmusic
FB: https://www.facebook.com/glendabenevides
LINKED: https://www.linkedin.com/in/glendabenevides/
YOUTUBE: https://youtube.com/@GlendaBenevides
Courage Book: https://bit.ly/GBGCourage
MUSIC: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/glenda-benevides/39369204 

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:07

Hi guys, and welcome to Language of the Soul podcast, where life is a story. First of all, as usual, I would like to welcome our producer extraordinaire, and I've tentatively given you the title the shroom, the shroom nail lady. Does that still apply?

Speaker 2 0:24

Yes, it still applies. I still have my mushroom nails they're amazing.

Speaker 1 0:30

I am a big fan of not just funky nails but shrooms they're. They're pretty stylized. I like them again with the supplemental content we're gonna have to put your what is it? Bi-monthly nails up.

Speaker 2 0:46

Yeah, I do. Well, I do them. Yeah, I guess sometimes I do them twice a month. But yeah, we'll start getting those up on the Patreon so people can see the designs.

Speaker 1 0:54

Well, that's something we should probably tell listeners. Is that is on the horizon, right the Patreon option? Yep.

Speaker 2 1:01

The Patreon option is on the horizon. We are getting that all ironed out, so it will be smoother for those who want to support us monthly through a monthly subscription or one-time donations and then, of course, eventually, extra content from us encourage anyone who's listening in to, of course, subscribe.

Speaker 1 1:26

That just helps you get notifications when a new episode drops and then, indirectly, it just helps right the whole operation. We're trying to grow our platform and really just get the message out. This is very much a labor of love and, as it's inching toward introducing today's guest, I feel like we share this passion for giving back in a way and giving permission to artists. We've had a lot of indie authors on, and filmmakers I guess independent filmmakers and we're trying to provide more of a platform for people to share their work. But it also just feels like a little bit of a mission just to share the transformational power of story with the world. I think it's one of the more important things one can do. As we say, almost every week we learn more in the narrative realm than the didactic. So in terms of enforcing social change and I will call it evolution, right, individual transformation and then, by extension, evolution of mankind we're just doing our part. So, whether you are in a position to support or not, please do subscribe and then share the links Whenever you get a notification that we've dropped a new episode. We would love it if you could share the link. Okay. So on that front, we do have a very, I think, a kindred spirit on today's guest. I'm very impressed.

Speaker 1 2:44

I'm going to rave about a few songs I've had time to listen to later, but an amazing singer-songwriter, and I'm just going to go ahead and read her bio. If I get anything wrong, glenda, as usual, please set me straight. Glenda Benavides is an esteemed, award-winning singer-songwriter, a healer, an author and an altruist, with a career that spans decades. Her music, described as the soulful synthesis of heart Janis Joplin and Bessie Smith, resonates with power, emotion and authenticity. I would have to agree with that Beautiful, unique voice, and I have a few influences I want to ask you about, by the way, that I heard in your amazing voice a recording academy voting member and grammy considered artist. Glenda's songs weave narratives that touch the soul, captivate audiences with emotionally moving performances and explore the complexities of life, love and personal experience. Beyond her music, glenda is a passionate advocate for environmental causes and the empowering force behind the goddess movement. We're definitely going to be asking about that as well. So that's the bio. How did I do?

Speaker 3 3:57

You did great.

Speaker 1 3:59

I just need a little validation here.

Speaker 3 4:03

No, it's a tough one, you know. I totally get it.

Speaker 1 4:06

That was a tongue twister Sorry, the hardest thing. There was a little tongue twister in there. You did great though.

Speaker 3 4:12

You have a nice, a nice um warm voice and it's it. It flows really well, so it's great.

Speaker 1 4:19

Well, thank you. I'm sure you're very conscious of that. You know it's very interesting. Your speaking voice is quite different, right, when you hear Janet Jackson's little breathy voice. Well, actually she's not a good example, right, but there are. Who's the best example? Where they're, they have a very kind of a voice that you wouldn't really pay attention to in life, but then when the right, they open up that diaphragm Prince would be a great one.

Speaker 3 4:42

Exactly.

Speaker 1 4:44

And all the Jacksons, but I think they were so terrorized. That's why they didn't speak above a whisper, totally, anyway, so welcome.

Speaker 3 4:52

Thank you. Well, you got to. I was going to note that you just got to find self-expression. However, you can right. So if they were suppressed? You know, or you know, in fear, most of their life. You know um they.

Speaker 1 5:07

When they got on stage, they got to just explode, you know isn't that true of a lot of actors and performers of any kind? Really is. It's their mode of expression, because it wasn't safe to express themselves else you know otherwise, to dive right in Right.

Speaker 3 5:24

Right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 5:26

I fall into that category.

Speaker 1 5:27

I think we find ways of expressing ourselves when it's really not safe to in your environment or, you know, society frankly doesn't permit it in some ways. Yeah, so maybe that's a good transition. I mean, there's so much I want to get to, and I'm sure Virginia's got a lot she wants to address as well. But what makes you assuming you identify as a storyteller through your songwriting, which your lyrics are amazing as well? Just my humble opinion what made when did you first recognize that you were a storyteller, if that makes sense?

Exploring Narrative in Songwriting

Speaker 3 5:58

That's really an interesting question. You know, I never really focused on that at all, Like I didn't, I didn't. That wasn't like a poignant moment for me, like, oh, I'm gonna. I never really focused on that at all, Like I didn't, I didn't. That wasn't like a poignant moment for me, Like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to be a storyteller, you know, or I'm a storyteller. I think it came around when people started telling me that and I was like oh okay, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 6:18

So you were focused on the musicianship aspect of it, or?

Speaker 3 6:21

No, I was actually focused on the lyrics, but, being a lyricist and a melody maker, but the thing was I just never thought of myself as that. You know what I'm saying. I just thought of myself as an artist, a musician, you know. And then I do lyrics and you know, like I just didn't even like, oh, I'm a storyteller.

Speaker 1 6:41

Well, do you identify as such now or no? Oh, I'm a storyteller.

Speaker 3 6:44

Well, do you identify as such now or no? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Well, I've integrated more now in that. It's like I think it's being more conscious of oh, this is what I am. I just never thought about it until someone said that.

Speaker 1 6:58

Well, I think you don't have to identify as a narrative storyteller. I do think there's conceptual ways we touch people right, you can touch them intellectually or emotionally or viscerally, and so you'd probably be doing it, but it was unexamined, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1 7:13

And I only go into it because you know this is what the book is about, which there's a whole chapter on finding your voice, and I think we're all different. Right, we're as diverse as the general population, we creatives, but in some cases I think, yeah, it takes a while to get in touch with. Actually, what I'm doing is narrative in some way, and that's not, maybe not all lyricists, but you know, I think that's when you ever, when you hear oh man, the songwriting was so great in the 70s and 80s and it's gone to hell in a handbasket. They seem to be responding to the narrative aspect Gone to Hell in a Handbasket. They seem to be responding to the narrative aspect. Those songs told a story. Have you heard that? Yeah, yes, yes, yeah and it's not a must.

Speaker 1 7:50

I think lyrics can be slice of life-y, they can be conceptual, they don't have to be narrative. How do you feel about that? Do your lyrics lean toward one or the other Meaning narrative and telling a story, or just simply in a less linear, poetic sort of way?

Speaker 3 8:11

just creating an experience, if that makes sense. Yeah, these are great, this is a great question actually, yeah, I go both ways.

Speaker 1 8:17

I really do. There's a quote. Okay, now that we have that out there let's talk about your songwriting.

Speaker 3 8:26

Closer to the truth than you think.

Speaker 1 8:28

Well, I was going to say am.

Inspiration and Songwriting

Speaker 3 8:32

I talking about myself here or you, okay, I love it, yeah, I think I do both. You know, um, I try to, lyrically, I try to make a point or a statement, or in my hooks or whatever, I want to actually send something home. You know, of course everybody's going to have their own experience and their own take on it, just like all of us.

Speaker 1 8:56

When we listen to other people's music right?

Speaker 3 8:58

We just have a project Right.

Speaker 1 9:03

I mean well you identify and then you project, I think Exactly. You hope the intention comes across. But that does lead me to the question what inspires a song? And I'm guessing that's the same thing you want, meaning.

Speaker 3 9:14

I don't you know, because I'm all about freedom, self-expression and that type of thing, and to me, if you're going to cover your face and your body, and you know, through a religious order. I just didn't understand that and that made me feel like women were being suppressed and I was very angry about that and I wrote a song about that.

Speaker 1 9:51

What's the title, if you don't mind?

Speaker 3 9:53

Just to remember, it's not We've Lost Our Way, gosh, it's been a while I listen to Walking.

Speaker 1 10:00

I'm a fan. Now I mean I'm going to be listening back. Do you have albums or just singles, Cause I did find a bunch of singles.

Speaker 3 10:08

Yeah, I've got several albums, um, yeah, several albums that are out, but I also, um, my, I'm doing singles. Probably for the last two and a half, three years I've um, I had some management that I was working with and they were like let's just do singles and yeah, well, that seems to be the way now, doesn't? It.

Speaker 1 10:25

I kind of miss albums as an experience right Doing the cover art and listening, start to finish and going on that, that ride with the songwriter.

Speaker 3 10:34

Exactly, dominic, and you have to, um, and I, and I actually am going to do an album this next year. So, um, and it'll be theme oriented and we'll be, you know, talking about the world and the planet, so that's.

Speaker 1 10:47

Well, that's just that, just the world.

Speaker 3 10:50

Just the world and the planet. Broader perspective lady.

Speaker 1 10:53

Come on, anyway, the only two I found I listened to, beautifully Flawed and Walking, which are amazing, but I guess I want to pursue. Did you come up with the title about the shrouding? What was that song?

Speaker 3 11:08

Oh, hang on, I have to look it up. No, pressure.

Speaker 1 11:10

I just am fascinated by that because it's such a metaphor, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, even if it doesn't happen in our country as much, right, it's such a metaphor for kind of silencing and erasing the power, right, yeah, the personal power that women have, and clearly a threat to patriarchy, but it's so, yeah, it's painful to look at, isn't it in certain cultures?

Speaker 3 11:36

It really is and I just really felt like that it was an assault. You know, and I know that if you're in that religion or you're in that doctrination, you don't necessarily look at it from that perspective.

Speaker 1 11:51

Because you're brainwashed and you have the what's that called? The syndrome where you identify with the caption.

Speaker 3 11:59

Stockholm syndrome, yeah, stockholm syndrome.

Speaker 1 12:02

I do. I think there's some brainwashing. I don't want to make this my soapbox, but when I hear an extremely right-wing conservative female kind of disempowering women, I think why would you want to be a part of a club that doesn't want you as a member? Does that make sense?

Speaker 3 12:18

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, and it's really sad because you can't see through the smoke, the illusion, and if you you do see through it, you better keep it down, because you may lose your life, absolutely.

Speaker 1 12:29

Um, you know, or your fit lose face with your family or your parents, or they may get hurt, or you know what I'm saying it's weird, it's strong, so codes right, there's such strong social mores and but I think there's a lot of work to be done because people are being stoned, right or?

Speaker 3 12:46

burned or whatever.

Speaker 1 12:48

Yes, Battery acid or sexually mutilated.

Speaker 3 12:51

Mutilated Exactly.

Speaker 1 12:53

And I mean I'm a gay man. So I always kind of check myself and think, okay, you know, as progressive as we think, we are right in the bubble and I try not to live in a bubble, but we all do to a degree but I think there is work to be done. When in Chechnya you have people you know gay people being rounded up and imprisoned and then pretty much disappearing altogether, and then in other Muslim countries you have gay men being hung, it's still happening. So there's a lot of work to be done. Yeah, it's still happening, yep.

Speaker 3 13:22

Because you know it's a deeper conversation.

Speaker 1 13:26

I know, you know what I'm saying. We've got plenty of time.

Speaker 3 13:29

We could go there. I mean, there's levels and layers to things, you know, because there's upsides and downsides to everything. Right, there's a balance somewhere. But you can always see, when you have an organization or a cult and I use that not loosely with religious type of things, because in essence it is the definition of a cult Then you start, then you get to power and control. You get to manipulate people, you get to make people wrong, you get to separate people, you get to start using categories oh you're gay, oh you're this, oh you're that. You know, and we do it across the board. But I'm just saying, when it comes to those type of things, it gets dangerous for people. You know, it's like you can't be yourself and that doesn't work.

Speaker 1 14:21

That's why I feel like there might be, in terms of protecting humanism, right and individual personal liberty there is something that transcends the codes we live by. Right.

Speaker 1 14:32

Because, it's really just consensus. So one definition, just running it by you. One definition I've heard that distinguishes cults from religion is when they encourage separation from family and isolation. But I would say I've come full circle. Of course, in my 20s, like a lot of college students, I had my day of institutionalized religion bashing, but I've pretty much come full circle. Where I recognize the problem is when the word is being used to, like you were hinting at, oppress the populace or usurp power and resources, and it's just a sort of human button that can be pushed. When demagogues use it to rule out of fear, to divide and conquer, as you were hinting at, then therein lies the problem. It has nothing to do with the word itself, which, I would argue too. A lot of the religions share some of the same tenets, the basic ones. Anyway, are we on the same page a little bit?

Speaker 3 15:27

Yes, we are.

Speaker 1 15:28

Definitely Whoa. We dove right in, didn't we?

Speaker 3 15:34

Yeah, but that's me, that might be all of us.

Speaker 1 15:37

So we'll have world peace by the end of this interview. I hope so. That's what we're working towards, right? Okay, well, that might be a transition. It seems like I love what you said, that you didn't necessarily identify as a storyteller, but you're getting in touch with it. But I also like that you said each song is inspired by something different. Yes, do you have any more examples of what might inspire a song? Is it like an image you see during the day, or something maybe you've been carrying around for a while? How do? How do other songs come about? Just out of curiosity, we have a lot of creatives, I'm guessing, as listeners.

Speaker 3 16:12

Yeah, um, you know, I get like I was saying it's different, like so I wrote a song called Cruel Intentions and it was about being in a relationship that you're just you're obsessed with, that you're hooked into and you, just you hang in there. I wait by the phone, you know, until you call, but you don't call. You know we've all been there on some level when we're just like I'm so in love with that person, but they're not treating you, they don't care, you know. Then I wrote a song called Courage or a song called Change, back in 92, when I first really started really designing my life from a, an original perspective, because for like a good 20 years I had done cover material, cover material. And I just I told myself, look, if you want to have longevity in your at that point in life, right, if you want to have longevity in life and make a statement of some sort and share what you believe, then you need to write your own music. And I was on the road at the time and a woman that was a mentor of mine. I'd call her and cry on the phone like, oh, my God, my, you know. And I remember I was in Vegas and it was just horrible. It was like the vortex of hell. And I called her and she yelled so loud in the phone and it was so amazing because that vibration of get your ass home now rang, had to ring inside of me because in my world I would never quit music. Are you kidding? I'm making a living, I'm touring, this is not a problem, right? And I really had to, at that moment, get right with myself on a spiritual level. And it called to me and I literally hung up the phone and grabbed my cojones and went upstairs and quit. I quit my band, and that was the scariest moment ever. And then I started. I moved back home, which was perfect timing because my mom had passed two years later and I started working with her. She was my mentor and and how I worked with her check this out, you guys I went from singer on stage, all eyes on me, happy, making cash, to at home, no cash, living with my parents, okay, cleaning my mentor's house, wax on, wax, off right.

Speaker 3 18:42

And I was like I remember looking in the mirror, going you're cleaning toilets, what is this, right? And I came out of that bathroom and I turned the corner and there she was and she said okay, she goes. Stop, she goes, tell me what you want. And I was like, well, I want to write music, I want to write. And this was like 91, I think 91, 92. And I was like, well, I want to write music, I want to write. And this was like 91, I think 91, 92. And I said I want to write music. And she goes okay, here's the deal, write me a song. It's going to be on television, it's going to be for New Year's Eve in Portland, oregon, downtown. Live Go. You got two weeks, wow.

Speaker 2 19:27

And I was like oh, my God.

Speaker 1 19:29

That's like the universe speaking to you right.

Speaker 3 19:32

It was amazing. She was the best mentor. I just loved her. So you know, I packed up my stuff, came home and I remember I was. I woke up and I was going into doing a meditation and all of a sudden the words came and it said we must look to the wind of the mountains, we must listen to the rain of the sun, we must all breathe for the life that we are all one Change. Change it now, change it before it's too late. And that was that was a song that came out of me. I wrote down the lyrics, I.

Life's Purpose and Unexpected Paths

Speaker 3 20:10

I got up and I thought, oh my god, I need melody, I need a melody, I need music. I got two weeks and so I called a good friend of mine out of out of portland, because I was living in portland and michael Harrison is his name and he does more of like new age ambient kind of stuff. It's beautiful, his music is very popular up there regionally, and so I told him about it and he goes well, come over. And so I came over and I showed him the lyrics. He walked over to the piano and he goes lyrics. He walked over to the piano and he goes ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Right, and I'm like that's it, that's it, and a song was born.

Speaker 1 20:56

Wow, I love that there's so much there. Was it an environmental message, consciously, or was it because I heard a little bit of a metaphor there? Right, it seemed a little bit about personal growth and spirituality and then the planet. Am I reading into it?

Speaker 3 21:13

absolutely correct but I'd have to read the whole thing yeah, it wasn't conscious, though it literally was not conscious I I literally was in a meditation and all those words came to me and I just wrote them down, like you know this is before people were focused on environment.

Speaker 1 21:32

I love it. Yeah, exactly If that was the 90s. You said early 90s. Yeah, you were right on the cusp actually. Yeah.

Speaker 3 21:39

I'm always like, horribly, 10 years ahead of myself. People look at me and go. What are you doing?

Speaker 1 21:45

I have a few stories where it was before my time right.

Speaker 3 21:51

Right Reiki. What's Reiki Right?

Speaker 1 21:53

exactly. Well, thank God, because I am so nostalgic about the early 90s, actually because there was a cultural shift for five minutes right, we've gone back to being more materialistic and consumers than ever, in my opinion. But there was that moment right where the green movement kind of became mainstream, I would say. And then art, like how about art?

Speaker 1 22:15

So you got to have five minutes where, like Il Postino, like Water for Chocolate, Life is Beautiful. A lot of little niche films did really well in the mainstream. So distributors were like, oh my God, there's a market for this. So I was, you know, a very formative time for me. I was in college from probably 19 to 22. And, yeah, everyone in my world was on a path. Yeah, and I kind of missed that, you know.

Speaker 1 22:38

I just need to get back in touch with certain people, I guess. But yeah, very formative, kind of pivotal time is how I would say it. Yeah, but I want to ask you just after listening you are a storyteller, by the way. That was so vivid.

Speaker 1 22:51

And the premise of our podcast is life is story, right, so in retrospect you can see you know, themes that recur and common threads that weave throughout, and even our aesthetics, although they evolve, I would say some kind of sense of aesthetic is a thread that weaves throughout, no matter what. So when you said I ended up back, I mean I identify a hundred percent where you know I had it all, I built it all, then I lost it all. I'm a walking cliche, basically, but I haven't scrubbed toilets, I'll say that.

Speaker 1 23:22

But I am walking a dog and I'm potty training a dog because I love animals. But yes, there are moments where I'm picking up poop with a plastic bag thinking how the hell did this happen? And then my sister became the primary caretaker for our mom. So she wasn't doing her craft, you know her singing, songwriting, she was changing diapers. So we've all been there to a degree.

Speaker 1 23:44

But I would say for me you know I was not to make it about me, but I was distributing project angel food meals in the early nineties, by the way, to AIDS patients, yeah, yeah. But I think for many years I was able to kind of just dismiss that subsection of the population and just say but I'm luckier than that, thank God. So now I'm eating them. They're keeping me like I'm on Project Angel Food. So it's not just spiritual humility but it's compassion. Nothing will elicit your compassion more than being part of a club you were once able to dismiss. So I identified with your story just to. I think it's. All I ever wanted was more spiritual humility. I got what I asked for.

Speaker 3 24:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1 24:27

But also people that end up back under their parents' roof fascinate me. So two people in my life did end up. Do you know what I mean? Kind of working out family dynamics by being back under their parents' roof.

Speaker 3 24:40

Yeah.

Speaker 1 24:41

Did you find there was work to be done there, or was there are no mistakes, right? So how?

Speaker 3 24:45

did you end?

Speaker 1 24:45

up back under that roof.

Speaker 3 24:47

You. Well, I was taking a big leap, so I was losing my income, basically by quitting the band. I was losing my ego, I was losing my you know self on some level and on top of it, little did I know my mother was going to pass away in two years.

Speaker 1 25:08

I think that's what I was keying into, like don't you see a larger purpose behind that? Uh kind of force, yeah yeah, oh yeah, I do.

Speaker 3 25:17

Now, of course, you know, um, if I wouldn't have come home you know my mom was preparing to cross over, I think, because I didn't know it. You know she was fine when I, when, when I came back, but I I since then saw, thought, oh, my goodness, I'm so glad I was there because I got to, I got to have that completion and be there with her Um and um. You know it's so interesting, cause that whole death and dying. You know the stages you go through that's real.

Speaker 1 25:48

It's weird. Ironically, our next guest today did a documentary documentary on the afterlife. Wow, and my mom passed in February, so this is going to be an interesting one, oh, okay. But yeah, anyway, you were saying about death and dying. Sorry, yeah, no.

Speaker 3 26:05

I'm just glad that I was home and I'm glad I followed my intuition and I'm glad I listened to my mentor, because she was the one that screamed in the phone and it shook me and like woke I was, like it gave me the strength to say it's okay, let go go upstairs and say I quit, you know, and, and if I, if I, she hadn't yelled at me, you know, I, I think it, just I would like a kick the can or something, right? Well, that's why.

Speaker 1 26:36

I'm so fascinated because I've often used the wording. You know, when you need to make a change. I call it a crucible right. You need a crisis to serve as an opportunity. The universe shouts louder and louder to get your attention. Yes, so I think your wording is fascinating. She's like a mouthpiece for the universe and then kind of seeing the meaning in retrospect, I think it's very hallmark to say, oh, everything happens for a reason. People don't really, you know, get to the bottom of what that means in terms of quantum mechanics and all that. But and it's human nature to project on the past and try to make sense of it. But I do believe on some level, because time is not linear, right, and it's supposedly a construct of man, it's hard to wrap your brain around. But on some level, maybe her disease had taken hold already to some degree and part of you knew, you know, all particles of the universe are connected in terms of entanglement. So somebody, somewhere, knew that's where you needed to be. And it's not a platitude, you know.

Speaker 3 27:36

Yeah, absolutely it's. You know it's. We're communicating on so many different levels, whether you're conscious of it or not. You know, and I think, um, while you were talking, what came through for me was purpose. You know, if everyone can really take a moment and really ask yourself those questions of what is my purpose? Why am I here? What do I want to do? Not just, you know, glenda, cleaning toilets and you know.

Speaker 1 28:06

Dominic walking his dog Right, picking up poop with a plastic bag.

Speaker 3 28:11

Miss Beauty there gets to do.

Speaker 1 28:15

Well and purpose can look different on different people. You don't have to send a rocket into space, right? Sometimes we're meant to make a difference in our immediate grassroots circle.

Speaker 3 28:24

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 28:25

Yeah, I love that. And I don't know, sometimes we might ask for one thing and we get it in a different package or a different form than we realize.

Speaker 3 28:35

So but yeah, yeah, I think that's part of you know you ask for things, but allow that flexibility for the universe to like really show up and give it to you in ways that is the highest for you. Yes, exactly Because, if you lock yourself into a corner. I need $10,000 tomorrow. Through this, you know it's like, okay, that's really specific, but guess what? That $10,000 is not coming through that exact situation, Right?

Speaker 1 29:05

right, it's always in a different package. And somebody knows better you know, I think that's the balance we all need to strike where we own our authentic gifts and we don't give up on them, right, right. Marianne Williamson says it's a really funny story. I guess one of her practitioners or a friend said well, what if God wants me to be an accountant? What if I surrender to God's will instead of my own ego's desires? And God makes me an accountant? And her answer is like why? Why would he do that?

Speaker 1 29:40

Like he gave you the gifts to begin with, you suck at math. Why would he do that Exactly, anyway, but I think we need to, yes, surrender a little bit, because somebody knows better than our finite minds can know what our purpose is, and I'm not that I guess esoteric about it. It is very much. We're wired and sorry, virginia, you've heard me say this a million times, but one of the premises of my book is that we're actually wired to be our best selves for the propagation of the species and we're calling it purpose right, but we're meant to contribute back our unique gifts. Because it's just designed that way. It takes a village, right, it takes a tribe, agreed, but prioritizing it, like you said, what is my purpose, instead of just going through the motions? Prioritizing it seems to be the step that sometimes it takes a major crisis to embrace.

Speaker 3 30:28

It can, especially if you're not listening. You know, or you're not, or you're just not conscious. You know there's no bad or wrong, really, it's just you know, you're not listening, you know, or you're just not conscious. You know there's no bad or wrong, really, it's just you know you're awake or you're not. You know, and it's not. You know some crystal you're wearing around your neck.

Speaker 1 30:44

Exactly, there's a lot of virtue signaling going on.

Speaker 3 30:48

Exactly Great way to put it, Dominic.

Speaker 1 30:51

Well, it's better than not. Like you know, people say oh, they're only doing that because it's politically correct, or I guess we don't even say that word anymore. They're woke, right.

Speaker 2 31:00

And.

Speaker 1 31:00

I'm like yeah, but it's better than not. I still count it as progress if people are marching along with the status quo, if that makes sense and virtue signaling. It's better than the opposite.

Speaker 3 31:13

Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I think what's connected to that, dominic is and Virginia is. Did I say that right? Am I good? Oh God, I'm sorry, okay.

Speaker 1 31:24

She's been called worse.

Speaker 3 31:35

I'm sorry, oh my God. I think it's really about authenticity and not to use that word lightly, but and I that take, which kind of takes me to my music and to my book courage, it really you have to get to that place. Who am I and who am I now, you know, and that's part of that discovery, because who I was you know 20 years ago and who I am now is, on some levels, completely different.

Speaker 1 31:58

Yeah, one hopes right Right.

Speaker 3 32:01

And it's going to be that way for the rest of my life, because we're all growing and evolving.

Speaker 1 32:06

Yeah, you don't really arrive right.

Speaker 3 32:07

Right, you don't really arrive, that's great. Well, you do when you pass away.

Theme of Personal Growth and Relationships

Speaker 2 32:12

I've arrived, that's great. Well, you do when you pass away, yeah, well, and I love what you're saying about that too, because one of the you know, one of the things that I, at least, I see I have younger kids when I say younger kids like 14 to 28. So not really young, but young to me, wow yeah.

Speaker 3 32:30

Yeah, young to me, young to me.

Speaker 2 32:35

Wow, yeah, yeah, young. To me you started when you were six, okay, exactly, but when, when? When I listen to my kids and stuff and talk. It's funny because, like you know, they'll make comments when they see a personality shift or like an ideal shift that I have and they're like wait, that's not you.

Speaker 2 32:50

You don't want you, just you're subscribing to this. And I love the fact that you brought up the um being authentic and being our authentic selves because I think sometimes and I don't when I say everybody, I'm just saying that in general, like there, there are definitely those of the mindset that who you were when you were 20 is who you are when you're 30 and 40 and that nobody can have significant changes. And if, if they do, then obviously the what was that influence that forced them? And I'm going you know sometimes which is what I feel like, at least what I was listening to the lyrics of your, and I was listening um, uh, I think it's walking is is one of your singles that you have out, um, and then I also listened to um, to I burn.

Speaker 3 33:33

I burn, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 33:41

And when I was listening to those I was thinking, you know, it's so speaks to the fact that we we go through I like to call them new stages in our lives, because it's. It's like, at least when I think of my own life and my own journeys, and I mean I've just like you guys, I mean I've and Dominic knows this I mean I've had multiple career changes which I never thought would be my life.

Speaker 2 34:02

I managed to live in LA and I was in marketing and in the fashion world and you know, at the height of my career and I decided to walk away from it to be a mom and literally put the brakes on, was soccer mom and I was like whoa, this isn't me. And I remember my family saying that like this isn't who you are Wow.

Speaker 2 34:19

And yeah, like what do you mean? You're not traveling, you're not going to fashion shows and doing these glamorous things. And when I was listening to your music, and just even listening to you now, it's like, well, that was authentically who I was at that time, because I wanted to be a mom.

Speaker 2 34:32

but that doesn't I mean, it's just one identity and I think sometimes people forget, like we have so many identities to who we are and at each stage of our life is when those identities take hold at that specific time. And I think sometimes we need to have you know when I say as a whole, like you know the ones that don't give people grace of like, hey, you people can change and it's not because they're just changing to.

Speaker 1 34:58

Well, if I could jump in, because I kind of hear a theme here. It does seem like people want to hold you in old roles because it serves them in some way. Right, we're all that way, Like you want the mom, you know you don't want her to reinvent herself and not recognize her yeah. And so it's kind of normal in relationships if you but I've told you this before Virginia like I love the idea, my sister and her partner, they don't say husband and wife anymore.

Speaker 2 35:23

They say life partner.

Speaker 1 35:25

But they've been together 35 years, I think, and they'll say you know, and I agree, society permits you to change the channel. It's easier than ever because, of course, the taboo on divorce has evaporated entirely.

Speaker 2 35:40

And in a good way.

Speaker 1 35:42

But they'll say well, the only commitment we made was to get to know the person, the new person. We grow apart all the time. A lot of people say oh, we grew apart. Even in friendships we grew apart. Yes, okay, but I'm a scorpio. We value longevity, we value right, consistency and yeah we're the best friend you'll ever have.

Speaker 1 35:59

We're very loyal and courageous, and so I remember the first time a friendship ended the this is in the 90s as well. The friend said I'm ending the friendship, like she officially and I'm like, oh, I didn't know you could do that OK.

Speaker 3 36:13

Right, I'm the same way, dominic. Once you're a friend, you're a friend for life.

Speaker 1 36:16

Exactly, I've come a long way, trust me, and I've terminated a few myself now. But I remember it was. She was very like I'm terminating the friendship. Yeah, and I had no category for that.

Speaker 3 36:26

Well, sorry, yeah, I'd love to speak to that too. Dominic, is that like? I kind of bring this up in my book too and I kind of do? It's about alignment. So you know you can love somebody and be, you know, in friendship with them and then at some point, you know, you start to look at who they are and who they're being. Is that in alignment with who I am and what I want?

Speaker 3 36:57

And I had to come to that Jesus moment with myself like about a year ago with a good friend I mean we're talking 20-something years. I've been this faithful friend I mean because that's who I am and I realized it's like Glenda, stop it. Everybody around you A does not like her, and that's fine, because I can like somebody and somebody else doesn't like them, that's fine. I'm not swayed that way. But what I started to realize was that I asked myself the question was she being the friend that I really based on my you know ideals of friendship? Was she really being the friend that I wanted? And it was like no, and I was like ouch you know that hurts.

Speaker 1 37:44

That's a tough realization.

Speaker 3 37:46

Ooh, it was horrible and I just had. And then, you know, as a wonderful partner, she decided she was going to blow up on me for no reason, which she had her own reasons but it wasn't because of me, it was because of her own stuff, and I saw that in the moment, instead of taking on a stance of like, oh her, no, I didn't do that, you know, it wasn't like that. It was like, oh, wow, Okay, that's her stuff and, yeah, I was like that was deep.

Speaker 1 38:18

You got to own your right.

Speaker 3 38:20

Right.

Speaker 1 38:20

Again, I'm so sensitive it took me about 30 years on the planet to separate because I have a very thin skin separate my shit from other people's shit. But I lately again, thank God we learn and grow because my latest approach, being the Scorpio that I am, is there's also seasonal things. So I have a very dear I don't want to say too much, but a very dear friend who's very much a part of my life. But I recognize we needed to step back for a few years, actually a few years, and I had had a few friends that had. I have one friend that wasn't paraplegic for 22 years of our friendship and now she's been paraplegic for another 20. I have another friend that was diagnosed with MS and both of them very much said, although I think they were the ones causing the drama of course right they very much said look, my priorities have shifted and they were able to articulate it Like I just need to focus on my health.

Speaker 1 39:16

And now, having had my own health crisis, I get it, you just. But I don't write these people off. And again, maybe it's the hopeless romantic or the Scorpio in me. I just don't give it airtime and I don't give the conflict attention, and I trust that it's seasonal and it could take three years or five years, but this person will be part of my life, right For good or bad, and I just I'm not going to put any attention on it at this moment.

Speaker 3 39:40

Yeah, yeah, and, and you can, and you can also. I'm not saying that you would, Dominic, but I'm just saying one can also walk away. Like especially for those of us that, you know, don't give up very easy. And you know I had to like, really like. Look at what did I really want, and was this person going to partner with me in this way of being?

Speaker 1 40:06

And I knew, if they can't meet you where you are, there's no relationship.

Speaker 3 40:09

There's no relationship, there's no relationship, and that's it. And I, even even in the moment of fire, I even said, hey, look, call me and let's work it out, and nothing like we're talking Exactly.

Speaker 1 40:24

You can't squeeze blood out of a turn.

Speaker 3 40:25

No, and I was even even on the last stand going okay, you know, and we, you know, when someone doesn't reach out to you for four months and then continues on texting instead of calling, especially when that was one of the breakdowns. So I was just like, yeah, that's to me, you know, and every time I would call, for you know, I, every time she would call, I'd always answer the phone, unless, of course, I was totally inexposed, you know. But, um, but you know I was always there. Like she needed something, I was there. It's got to be mutual All.

Speaker 1 41:01

nobody can be pursuing the other. It's got to be mutual.

Speaker 2 41:03

But I will say I understand.

Speaker 1 41:05

I have friends that have divorced their parents, uh been emancipated.

Speaker 3 41:09

I love it.

Speaker 1 41:09

Well, literally they had to. In one case it was a child actress who got emancipated at 16. And still supported financially her mother, of course but then at some point realized this is toxic, to remain on the planet. I need to remove this woman from my life. So I have all the compassion in the world for that. I feel very blessed that, even though you know there's plenty of dysfunction in my upbringing, that I've never had to divorce a parent. I feel very blessed that, even though you know there's plenty of dysfunction in my upbringing, that I've never had to divorce a parent. I feel very lucky, but I actually get it to remain on the planet. Some people have to make those choices.

Speaker 3 41:43

So I do support that when necessary.

Speaker 1 41:46

I feel very fortunate that I haven't had to do that, Virginia. We're going to rely on you to get us back on track here. I do think it's all storytelling.

Speaker 2 41:55

Oh, it is, it is, and actually, yeah, and I wanted to, and actually Glenda brought it up how she has her book Courage, that you know, that you wrote and stuff. And I'm just curious, you know, because obviously these all come from values and principles that have guided you personally, come from values and principles that have guided you personally. So I would just love for you to kind of talk to us a little bit about how that has, you know, influenced that creative synergy that you have and everything that you've been doing.

Journey of Courage and Creativity

Speaker 3 42:24

You know, the book itself was kind of I wasn't really trying to write a book, I'll just tell you a little, get things up and rolling and that type of thing. And so I thought, come on, let's see how hard this is. So I asked myself is there any value in your life's work that you could share with people? And I sat with it and I said, okay, yeah, what do people always say to me? Oh, you're so courageous and I'm like okay, so what does that mean? How did I get through that? And so what I kind of outlined was I started with well, what does it take to have courage? You got to have clarity first. Then you allow yourself to have the courage to do something, and once you have the courage, then you start to build confidence. And then, after confidence, then you can step back and go look, I got confidence in this area. Now I need to make a commitment. Am I going to commit to this A lot?

Speaker 1 43:42

of Cs.

Speaker 3 43:43

Yes. And then once you commit to something, then you're off and running or you can step back and go. You know what? I'm not committed to that. I have enough confidence in that area, but now I'm not going to commit to it, I'm going to do something else Right, and then, after the commitment, then you can stand fully in community. You can develop community.

Speaker 3 44:03

You can be a part of community, you can show up as a leader in your community or just you know someone that's in support. You know, only, you know what I'm saying. So that's kind of really what I. I I started to like lock down on and I thought, okay, well, how did that show up in my life? And so I started designing, like, well, this is what happened to me, this is my thoughts on this, this is what happened to me and here, here's what you can do and that's kind of how the book goes um, and that's kind of how I've been living my life.

Speaker 3 44:33

And, you know, I was fortunate enough to have parents. They were a working class family, so I, you know, wasn't in the right spot. I was in salem, oregon, where all the west coast witches are, yeah, um, and I, you know, I had parents that were super hands-off because they were always working. I was the latchkey kid and I, you know, I just they always supported me and they just, you know, they never thought, well, you know, when are you going to get a real job? Or when. You know, they were always there going awesome, you're so talented, we love you, keep going, you know, but they, they, that was about it, um, and so I think I got to raise myself on some levels and use siblings out of curiosity?

Speaker 1 45:20

No, I don't. And are your parents creatives themselves?

Speaker 3 45:24

Oh wow, interesting. No, they were. They were blue collar workers, you know you know.

Speaker 1 45:30

kudos to them for supporting you and um yeah, that's what I thought too, Well, I have a blue collar Italian American father who was in concrete, for God's sake. Uh, he was. I became a salesman, but he started out when they were first married, laying concrete. So yeah, he gets a lot of credit in my book.

Speaker 3 45:55

Yay, allowing me to go to art school, and uh see, isn't partially supporting me.

Speaker 1 45:57

Yeah, and then I joke you're gonna love this. I joke that he let my mom have a wig shop and a costume shop, you know, for his. In that era it was very progressive of him actually totally to let her have a business you know, that's so funny, that's cool, though she at least had a business oh yeah, no, she was.

Speaker 1 46:13

I give him a lot of credit. Only recently have we realized he was actually pretty progressive for kind of a blue collar guy from chicago. He's from the birthplace of the mafia, you know, mellaro's park, illinois wow but yeah, they were out here in LA and he, uh, she always had a career, so hats off to dad.

Speaker 3 46:33

That's awesome. That's amazing. I love that. I love stories like that to me, that you know. And then you know, for me writing music, it's important to tell stories because so much you know the music has been so prefabbed, so much you know the music has been so prefabbed, you know, so generic. So you know, and I just think you know what you know we really got to get back to. That's why we do art, because we're right, we're telling our perspective, our story, their story. You know that people can learn from, evolve from. You know. Be inspired by you know. Yeah, no, I sorry, I was saying I literally got that. You know. Be inspired by you know. Yeah, no, I sorry.

Speaker 2 47:09

I was saying, I literally got that from. You know the two songs that I listened to and I definitely plan to listen to more because I'm like Dominic, I've become a fan.

Speaker 2 47:18

Thank you, but I definitely feel like you do. You know, convey that profound emotion and universal truth in your lyrics when you sing and you, which is why your music it does it. It's very relatable, it's very much where people can walk away and, and you know somewhere, have an introspective thought of how it pertains to them, and I think that is so important for for growth and that transformation of people well, thank you.

Speaker 3 47:47

Thank you, that's the highest compliment. I really deeply appreciate that.

Speaker 1 47:52

Yeah, I'm sure you get feedback from people that you've completely moved or touched or transformed, but you know that is again the premise of the book, and the podcast is exactly that, like, not that there's one function of art and culture or society, but one of the big ones is, yes, you're self-expressing and it's cathartic for you, the artist, but you hope by extension, the patron actually identifies, like Virginia was saying, and then has their own transformation as a result, and then I call it through the ripple effect. That's how right the codes we live by evolve, the paradigms, thought forms, all of that. So, yeah, I think you're doing it. And, by the way, the word alignment came up for me again when you were describing all those C's that can fall into place, right, and then culminating in community, which I'm equating with giving back right. That's another form of alignment. Did that kind of occur to you? I think you used the word alignment earlier and you meant being aligned with your own intentions and your own purpose and your own.

Embracing Interconnectivity and Self-Expression

Speaker 3 48:52

Yeah, I, I think I think we're all, at this point, being called to. You know, really, take, take that moment and find out what we are, what we're, what we are aligned with, what we want to be aligned with, you know, and set those intentions and, um, you know, walk towards that, you know, play with people that are aligned with you as as community, and then once you can do that, then that kind of spreads out and then other people can get raised awareness and then it's like, oh okay, Cause that's like what I've been doing. It's like, oh okay, because that's what I've been doing. I do things with the Trevor Project and I also work with One Tree Planted and then Environmental Cleanup. I was on that board for a while. He's since passed away, so disbanded.

Speaker 3 49:44

But you know, just, my passion is to uplift people, have people listen to the music, read the book, do whatever. Hang out with me, you know, and just find themselves and find their self-expression and their own freedom, and to step into that and say how can I make a difference? How does that work? You know, for me it was like, well, every time you buy something of mine, I plant a tree for you, you know, and I do it through One Tree Planted. So basically, I take money from whatever you purchased and I buy a tree. Right now we've planted about 250 trees. So you know, it's my way of giving back and I get to help you, you help me, I help you, we all give back and then you don't have to go around and try to figure out how to plant a tree or whatever. You know, Everybody has their passion. I mean, I love animals, but I haven't found anything that I would, you know, support.

Speaker 1 50:41

I can give you a dog walking gig. Do you want to be a potty trainer or a dog walker?

Speaker 3 50:47

Sounds great. You can make good money.

Speaker 2 50:51

As I say, and one of the other things I know that you do is the goddess movement, so I would love for you to share a little bit about that, because I know that ties a lot to your whole commitment and community aspect of what you call the five C's.

Speaker 1 51:06

Yeah, oh, she does See, I thought I was being clever. It is called the five C's. So yeah, oh, she does See, I thought I'm I was being clever, it is called the five C's Okay.

Speaker 2 51:11

Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 51:13

I'm sorry I missed that, but you did read my mind I was going to ask about the goddess movement next.

Speaker 2 51:18

That's kind of how we started.

Speaker 1 51:19

If I remember correctly, we started with shrouding right, so I'm guessing it's related.

Speaker 3 51:26

And I think the song is We've Lost Our Way.

Speaker 1 51:28

Ah, thank you.

Speaker 3 51:29

Yeah, I'm trying to remember, it's been a while back, but yeah, the goddess movement, well, it started in my kitchen in Santa Cruz, california, and I was standing in a kitchen doing like I think there was some girlfriends of mine that were there, I can't remember barely, but I remember the moment when my girlfriend turns to me and she goes you're such a badass. And I said what? And she goes you know, you're a goddess, you're such a badass goddess. And I was like what? And I noticed that right away I wanted to push that compliment away and I felt like, oh no, I'm not that, you know. And I said, whoa, that's deep, don't do that.

Speaker 3 52:22

And I realized that to allow people to acknowledge you was huge and for them and for me. So I thought, okay, well, what does that mean for me? What does being a badass mean? Because I noticed sometimes women tend to want to like push away. I'm not a badass, you know. And some do, some go, yeah, I am a badass, and they're, you know, ready to pull out the sword. But I looked at it like this I thought, you know what, I'm going to take this acronym and I'm going to turn it into an acronym and I'm going to redesign it and own, it Sounds like owning it.

Speaker 3 52:57

Yeah, like own it, like what does that mean? And so I went B for beautiful, a for accessible, d for daring, a for I was thinking authentic, authentic, there we go.

Speaker 2 53:14

That was it.

Speaker 3 53:14

Authentic, sassy and sexy, or or you know. So anyway, I redefined it, it's on my website and you can do that for yourself too, and so I thought, well, let me embrace that. So what does that mean? And so then I started a magazine, and then I started a group, then I worked on putting together a two-day workshop, which I did called the Global Badass Goddess Own the Goddess Within. So you know, and that's part of how the book started to come about too, and everything. So that's pretty much the movement as we speak. I haven't done much with it, just because I've been focused in other areas.

Speaker 3 53:58

If that makes sense oh yeah, but yeah, I definitely am all about supporting. I've been with men most of my life. I mean I felt like I was raised by wolves. It was just fabulous, my bands right, but I can cross both lines. So now I've, you know, probably in the last 10 years, really embraced. You know, what does it mean to be a goddess? What does it mean to be feminine? What does it mean to embrace the body that I'm in now and to be able to balance both male and female inside myself?

Speaker 1 54:37

If I could address that. I want to pursue that a little bit because, number one, I see you as you're a walking demonstration of kind, of everything we've been talking about. When you align and you discover your authentic gifts or get in touch with them and then you make the choice to purposefully contribute them back, I mean you are doing that. So it's very clear and I think a lot of our guests right, virginia, we've we've met a lot of kindred spirits that purpose has been put on the front burner and a purposeful contribution like happiness or contentment or whatever it is, like spirit, you know, well-being, inner peace, satisfaction, all these things we seem to be seeking that can be elusive in the material world.

Speaker 1 55:21

Right, contentment seems to hinge on contributing right, but there are people that will come along and say but oh no, it's always self-serving. Even the satisfaction of giving serves the end. Okay, great, but let's not split hairs, right? So I feel like you're the walking embodiment of community and the name of the game is interconnectivity, right now? Yes, so when I hear you talk about integrating the masculine and feminine in yourself which we could discuss those terms for the rest of our session, right? Like what is social conditioning and what the hell is masculine and feminine anyway? And why do we correlate it with gender, right?

Speaker 1 56:02

I just want to ask you in all of this because I have a friend that has a similar branding Like she calls it the regent stage. Instead of saying you're a crone, you're. You know you have emptiness in front of your kids or up and out of the house. No, you actually have a lot of wisdom to offer. As you hinted at earlier. Everything you've learned through your career has been put into your book. She's kind of rebranded the crone stage as the regency stage.

Speaker 1 56:25

I love that, yeah, I think you guys need to be in touch, so I'll give you her info. I think you'd like her and I think she'd love you.

Exploring Gender Identity and Labels

Speaker 1 56:33

But, anyway, I guess what I'm thinking is part of my book is about this moment of synthesizing these perhaps false opposites that we create, these binaries that we create that are actually gamuts. They're really not opposites. So right now, we've talked a little bit about how there's less talk of left and right brain activity. Right, all tasks actually engage both. And then I would say this trend toward embracing all things non-binary, including gender identification, right and sexual orientation. I feel like we're on the right path. Are you hopeful about the future? I guess I took the opportunity when you were talking about masculine and feminine within yourself. Do you see that happening in the mainstream? Are you hopeful about the future? Do you have enough to go on there?

Speaker 3 57:22

That's awesome. No, thanks for bringing this up, because I'm kind of a hot button on that. I get it that people feel like they need to identify and they need to tell you about the identification. For me, it's like look, if you're digging in and you're doing your work and really understanding who you are and consistently evolving, it's a function of being quote being B-E-I-N-G, being Look that up. No, it's a function of that, because I feel that we are all everything, we are all connected to everything, and once you start and this is where the dissension really starts is once you start going I'm this, I'm that, you're this, you're that. It's more of the same, right, it's more of the same of separation.

Speaker 1 58:21

The minute you label things according to the status quo the more you cement them right.

Speaker 3 58:26

Thank you, labeling needs to stop.

Speaker 2 58:30

I was going to say what it makes me think of. So I follow Hermeticism and that philosophy. So it's the whole duality theory of philosophy.

Speaker 3 58:40

Wonderful.

Speaker 2 58:41

The fact that everything is dual, everything has poles, everything's a pair of opposites.

Speaker 1 58:46

That's why I said the word gamut. I got that from the Kabbalah right. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 58:53

It's all about half-truths and the paradoxes that have to be reconciled yes.

Speaker 1 58:58

Exactly, and that's where we're headed in my book, like if Western European Judeo-Christian culture loves to push everything into black and white poles right and against each other and fearful Right, right, oh my God Right. And we're seeing it in politics for sure. Right, let's create these imaginary binaries so we can rule people out of fear and demonize the other, right? Yeah, we need common enemies.

Speaker 3 59:23

Yes, right, how medieval of us.

Speaker 2 59:27

Right. Well, so Dominic knows that my husband and I are different when it comes to philosophies, being I'm definitely more open-minded, more progressive, he's definitely more conservative. But a lot of people always ask me like, how did, how did the two of you guys hook up? And I'm like, well, we're the yin and yang.

Speaker 2 59:45

It's because we are those polar opposites, that we actually bring that balance in our lives and therefore keep us grounded, and I think people sometimes overlook the importance of that and that interconnectedness and being grounded and actually in tune with the universe in that connection of intuition.

Speaker 1 1:00:06

Yeah, I want to make sure I understand a little something that you each said, just for my own purposes, and I think this is a fascinating conversation. It's the one we need to be having. By the way, as a gay man again, I just and in Virginia I don't have a horse in the race when it comes to the war between the sexes. I think so much breath is wasted right Talking about the war. It's like I don't care, I just don't care.

Speaker 1 1:00:30

And so I love okay, two things. I don't want to get too controversial here, but, Glenda, I kind of heard you say that labels may not even be appropriate when you feel the need to define your gender identity or sexual orientation. Are we being forced to pick one Like a pick a pronoun? Is that kind of what we're talking about?

Speaker 3 1:00:51

I guess I hate that. I mean I'm sorry, but I do. I mean I get it. I get that. You know you're fighting to be seen or you're fighting inside yourself or with others to. It's almost like you're so sorry, go ahead, yeah, just to be acknowledged.

Speaker 1 1:01:05

You know it's like stop, stop, stop or it's almost like you're bowing to or kowtowing to or bending, what do you call it? Like caving to make everybody else more comfortable, right? Right, I think gay men for sure. I can't speak to the entire LGBTQ community, but I think we're very willing to play the court jester to make other people more comfortable. You know to be a novelty and fit into some category. That makes everybody more comfortable, right. But anyway, the thing you said, virginia, that intrigued me was, again, these are kind of unexpected, like I wouldn't have expected, glenda, you to say yeah, pronouns not necessary, but it makes sense. And then, virginia, you said kind of the complimentary idea, the yin and yang. Maybe that is something we need to talk about, because I think women can be the enforcers of our humanity.

Speaker 3 1:01:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:01:54

Matriarchs hold families together. They are serving that role. And then it is just socialization, right, if men are meant to be the warriors and the breadwinners. We've pushed right certain qualities into these categories that might be outdated and maybe we're ushering them out, but I think you're kind of hinting. There still is some value to being the perfect compliment to your mate.

Speaker 3 1:02:17

Absolutely. But I think you know it's the extremes. That's what it is. It's the extremes, it's one overcompensating for something else. And again I'm going to go back to you know the foundation of who you are, and being clear about who you are, because you can be whatever that that applies to you. Okay, fine, be your pronoun, but whatever you know, I don't thought it was a mental illness, but but just be yourself, you know, just show up and be yourself. And if that means you know you're a little bit more masculine and a female body doesn't matter, it's okay. Just love yourself the way it is and show up that way.

Speaker 3 1:02:58

You don't have to shove that up anybody's whatever you know right, and if somebody makes a mistake and they, they, they hear your name and they think you're a female and you don't identify like that, you can just say hey, I don't identify like that, you don't have to like you know, just flip out or whatever. Because to me what that says is you got issues, then you know, then you've got your own inner issues.

Speaker 1 1:03:24

Well, yeah, I think you know the pendulum swings and then hopefully it'll synthesize because, we need to go through this. I think so too.

Speaker 2 1:03:32

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 1:03:34

And I guess it's a maturity thing too.

Speaker 3 1:03:39

You know, I grew up in the gay community, so like I mean, I was seeing drag queens at 16. So you know what I'm saying. It wasn't like a big deal. That's why we think of things now. It's like what? That's exactly right.

Speaker 1 1:03:50

Right, it's a non-issue for us. So, kind of the concerted effort or the it almost seems demonstrative, or a performative, if that makes sense.

Speaker 3 1:04:00

Yeah, and so what I meant by maturity is Great word performative, that's great.

Speaker 1 1:04:04

Yeah, well, it's also a maturity thing in that I think young people especially this generation, by the way feel that because their parents have been over backwards to right, right, make them feel special. I think it's Franny Leibovitz, or is it Anna Leibovitz? I always confound it.

Speaker 3 1:04:22

Okay.

Speaker 1 1:04:24

Anna Leibovitz. I love it. She has this great piece where she said you know, young people do come up to me and say what should I do with my life? And she says I don't really care these kids are. They've been made to feel right by their adoring parents that everybody's invested in what they do. She's like I don't care, just don't be an ax murderer.

Speaker 1 1:04:45

So she has this opinion that they're so coddled, and I share it a little bit. So I do think when young people and there are people in my life and you know, Virginia loves to say I have a horse in the race, right, and I guess she loves it when I say that every week I have a horse in the race.

Speaker 1 1:05:00

I do have some younger family members who, if you don't say the right pronoun, it becomes a big public deal and it's like, yeah, if you were 20 years older you realize you don't actually get to do that. You know you don't get to make people cater to you. But I, on the other end of that, marian Margulis, whom I also love on Graham Norton which Virginia, we were just talking about Graham, this morning, she's 85, I think. And on Graham Norton, she said this morning, she's 85, I think. And on Graham Norton, she said you know, I love language and I'm, by the way, I do too.

Speaker 1 1:05:33

So the pronoun thing was really uncomfortable for me initially. And she said I'm too much of a language lover and grammar is important, and so I resisted it. She said, and then I think it was a trans individual, sat her down and said look, if you can make one person happy by respecting them enough to address them by their choice of pronouns, why not? Right Language is not going to go to hell in a handbasket if you can make one person happy. And at 85, she goes I got it, I got it.

Speaker 3 1:06:03

Yeah, and I think what you're saying is right on, and I also. You know, if you get militant about it and start being offended by everyone that doesn't understand X, Y and Z it's like, well, where's their compassion? Right, you know Exactly.

Speaker 1 1:06:21

And maybe that's the balance.

Speaker 3 1:06:29

I just got to say. If you have that much hot buttons on things, you are overcompensating for something. You need to take a look. And you need to take a look inside, you know, because we all have shadow. We all have shadow self and those are the places that will. If you can go into shadow and work through that, you will release yourself into freedom and you won't need to be a label or a marker, you will just be you.

Speaker 2 1:06:53

I love that Cause I know, like when I used to teach um beginning to writing um at the university, um out here in St George, um, the first, the first class with with the newbie want to write, and children and adults that I had, I'd always tell them I said, before you can sit down and write, you need to go and take a hardcore look at yourself in the mirror. And I told him I said I literally mean you stand in front of the mirror and you just sit there and stare at yourself until you start seeing all of the things that you don't like and then ask yourself, why is that?

Speaker 2 1:07:25

And have that conversation, because that's it's exactly what you're just saying. It's that, it's that shadow self, it's that deep side that people don't. They know it's there, but they want to forget it's there.

Speaker 1 1:07:35

You can't transform it unless you look it in the eye Right. Maybe, that's what writing. Is that the idea that writing will help you transform those negatives?

Speaker 2 1:07:44

or that shadow self. Yeah, for me.

Speaker 2 1:07:47

I mean mean because like, and I'm still learning this um, which is narrative therapy, um, and and I love it just because of the fact I do come from being a writer for over 20 years. Yeah, um, but yeah, I mean when I talked about it in the on the writing side of things, that's it. To me it's like if you don't understand yourself as an author, like truly deeply understand yourself as a as an author, all you're going to be doing is writing. Not that there's a bad thing. I know Dominic and I talk this comes up a lot about, maybe it's you know a little bit the elitist mentality. But you know, yeah, you can write to that. You know typical, you know hero's journey, you know outlines and stick to those tried and true techniques. But if you really want to get into deep, really philosophical Lurie type writing, you have to do that.

Exploring Self-Love and Personal Growth

Speaker 3 1:08:38

Yeah, you have to, and that's a great way to put it. You just have to, you have to go there, and I think that's what makes us a better society, and more you know more with more humanity. That's what makes us a better society and more you know more with more humanity. Compassion and humility is, you know, and sometimes you don't know that you got a shadow, you you know, you just keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result and um, and not happy about it, right? So that's when you stop and go, hmm is it me?

Speaker 3 1:09:14

when you stop and go hmm, is it me? Oh, yes, it is. It's like, well, I keep approaching that from this perspective. And then you start going okay, is that my community, is that my culture, is that myself, or is that my family? And then you start looking from those places and you kind of go, wow, I really bought that. I'm not good enough, and my parents didn't say that, but for some reason that happened when I was 10, when my dad came storming in the room and he was angry at my mom. I decided in that moment I wasn't good enough. Oh, okay, here, let me reprogram that.

Speaker 1 1:09:56

And I call it self-love, right, if we've internalized societal messaging or even negative self-messaging? You know, in the home and we've internalized it in any fashion. That's kind of what we mean by life is story at the top of every episode. There are stories like crabs in the boiling water that we internalize without knowing it. You only need to examine them when the shit hits the fan right and you realize. Actually I don't love myself enough. It was just pride, ego right or it was a form of superficial self-love and not an intrinsic authentic value.

Speaker 1 1:10:32

Right, right, you said it. Well, you are a kindred spirit man. You're gonna have to come on for a part two. I would love it.

Speaker 3 1:10:40

I love you guys. Oh, thank you. These are my kind of conversations.

Speaker 1 1:10:44

Well, I hope you feel that way, because I think what came up today is really valuable. We will end it with you, you know, if you have any final words of wisdom you want to impart to our listeners, or, of course, your links are going to be in the description, but anything you want to, end on and impart to our listeners knowing there will be a part two for sure.

Speaker 3 1:11:05

Yeah, I would say, you know, you guys just take the adventure. Yeah, you know, take the time. I know we're all busy, worried whatever's going on in your life, but I would just say, take that moment and ask yourself those poignant questions. You know who am I, what do I want, where am I going? And then wait for the answer. Listen to your higher self, Listen to that inner voice and start to notice that is that your voice, or is that what your friends think, or your family or your culture? And then start to dispel those myths and really take the time to love yourself and find out the best way to do that. And that could be a massage, that could be counseling, that could be written therapy, that could be anything. But just I would say, just take that opportunity to really make that difference for yourself in a very evolved, loving way, and then you can share that with others and life will really free up.

Speaker 1 1:12:09

Beautiful. I love it. And you didn't give specific rituals right about how to let go of certain things, so it's different for everybody.

Speaker 3 1:12:17

Right, it's different for everybody and you just have to, you know, like I said, get quiet, really find that out, get curious, quiet and curious. Those are good ones, I love that.

Speaker 1 1:12:28

You've got to be curious.

Speaker 3 1:12:30

Right.

Speaker 1 1:12:31

Do you feel, like I do, that the pandemic was a big, large-scale opportunity to?

Speaker 1 1:12:36

yes, look at within and did everybody take it, that's my question yeah, well, you know, maybe not well I have like we're back to our old tricks, like right, there was a moment and maybe some good will come of it. But but really, in LA it was the best demonstration. Like the metaphor is you know, the air quality was beautiful suddenly because there was no traffic, and like where am I living? Is this at the LA that I grew up in? Zero traffic, beautiful air quality, but then you know, when the restrictions lifted, like hmm, a little more smog, a little more traffic, but everything is back to right the same.

Speaker 3 1:13:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2 1:13:15

Well, I wouldn't say it's back to the same, because I was just down there, as you know.

Speaker 3 1:13:19

Right right.

Speaker 2 1:13:20

And I even and it's funny that you mentioned that because I made that comment, I'm like this reminds me of the California when I was younger, versus the California I left, just because I could actually not just maybe kind of make out the fuzzy outline of the mountains.

Speaker 2 1:13:33

I could actually not just maybe kind of make out the fuzzy outline of the mountains I could actually see some of them, like actually see them, which was so weird and bizarre to me, and it wasn't like a parking lot on the freeway. There was actually movement on the freeway, but yeah, no.

Speaker 1 1:13:44

That was a fluke. No, the air quality has improved. I will say it has. Yeah, in my lifetime it was mostly incinerators, by the way, the invisible stuff is the toxic stuff, but in LA the visible smog was largely the incinerators and yards. So in my lifetime, yes, the air quality has improved immensely. I think the traffic was a fluke. When you're here, because it's pretty bad, I joke like we need an earthquake.

Speaker 3 1:14:09

No, carnage, just one little earthquake. Trust me, it's coming.

Speaker 2 1:14:15

Yeah, but going back to what you're sayingic, I think you know where. You know things are starting to go back to normal. Change is hard and and it's it's I. I say this every day when I get up, especially when I've had my disagreements with a friend, my spouse, my own children, um coworkers. I always tell myself you know, every day I wake up and it's always a choice and it doesn't matter, like even though I said this is my commitment to X, y and Z. The point is is, every morning I have to make the choice to keep that commitment and, and I think sometimes people forget, like you know, you get, you do get introspective and you think of these things and then it's literally, it is a conscious effort, because if it was easy then we'd all do it.

Speaker 3 1:15:02

Right.

Speaker 1 1:15:03

Tell me we are going to wrap it up here, but tell me if this relates um, I think it's Dan Millman, in the laws of spirit, wrote, and it goes back to what we were saying about relationships right, my only commitment is to get to know the new person. If we feel we've outgrown one another, right, the only commitment is to get to know the you know, adjust, make those adjustments. But it sounds too light. He says in the law of spirit that just every you know, you just have to recommit and say I choose this.

Speaker 1 1:15:32

I don't have to go home to my wife, but I choose it, and so in that spirit, my, my sister and her partner, as that's how it initially came up they actually write a love letter to each other every year and just recommit. And here's what I love about you. Now it might be entirely different than when we were 19.

Speaker 2 1:15:51

Yeah, like you said, it's a new season, it is, it's totally your new people, right, it's like shedding skin every what?

Speaker 3 1:15:58

seven days or something, yeah.

Speaker 1 1:16:02

Well, on that note, so promise to come back on. And then again, virginia, is there anything we didn't get to that you really want to talk about today, or shall we? No, I?

Speaker 2 1:16:11

think I think we got to a lot of what what we wanted, so definitely I will um reach out to you and we'll get you back on glenda oh, I love it.

Speaker 3 1:16:21

I this is definitely. I feel like you guys are kindred spirits and there's lots to share and talk about, so I really appreciate you and for doing this work too. It's like. Thank you it's not easy, I know.

Speaker 1 1:16:34

Um and I've just it feels great there's a lot of positive. You know positive energy Can't do it forever without monetizing, but um that's right it just feels great. There's a lot of momentum behind it. Yeah, anyway, you have two new fans. I will be living your music. I really just love it. I we'll talk about it next time, but I do have some influences that I heard that I wonder I want to ask about.

Speaker 3 1:16:58

Cool. Yeah, I'd love to hear you guys' opinion, definitely, because sometimes, when you're so close to yourself, you don't know what people are experiencing or what they think. I mean, I've heard a variety of things, so it's interesting.

Speaker 1 1:17:12

Here's the review for now. It's awesome, it's awesome, it's awesome, it's awesome.

Speaker 3 1:17:15

Thank you yeah. Well definitely check out Lulu White. I think you'll like that. That was actually written about a real woman in the late 1800s. She was a woman of color and she was the richest woman in New Orleans and she had a thriving business in the 1800s, so that she's pretty badass.

Speaker 1 1:17:37

Was she a madam yes, she was.

Speaker 3 1:17:41

I feel like the story I'm.

Speaker 1 1:17:42

Do you tell me, god, we need to wrap this up? But tell me if you've heard this story? Yeah, there was a. You know how Australia basically was largely colonized by prisoners from England and they just dumped them there, right?

Speaker 3 1:17:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:17:55

I'm going to get the story a little bit wrong, but supposedly on one of those long journeys to Australia they would stop off and make some money right by taking the female prisoners and pimping them out in the West Indies or wherever it is. They stopped off but eventually one of the women was like I'm going to be in control of this and she became the madam and she became one of the largest landowners in Australia by continuing her business. I don't know her name.

Speaker 3 1:18:23

I love it. I love it and I think that you know, here's the inspiration for everyone to leave on. When you're looking back in time, you know and you see key situations with women of color, of any, you know, just women in general, where they had no real rights. You know you couldn't vote. You know there's all these things that we forget as young women. Now we should, we should really honor that and realize hey, if they can do it, what am I doing?

Speaker 1 1:18:57

You know so history is never what you think, right? I don't know Lulu White. I'm going to listen to the song and I'm going to research her, but I'm always blown away by. Even right after emancipation and you knowamericans were very involved in politics. They had really powerful positions in their communities, right, and then we did away with that over time so there's always an inspiring example if you look back, if that makes sense yeah, absolutely somebody that was before their time, yep, anyway.

Speaker 1 1:19:28

So lulu white, that's the name of the song. Yeah, lulu white. Okay, I will check it out, mine, all right. Well, thank you guys, and we'll go to my Yep, anyway. So, lulu White, that's the name of the song. Yeah, lulu White. Okay, I will check it out. All right, well, thank you guys, and we'll do a part two.

Speaker 3 1:19:38

Yeah, you can go to my. Oh, I was going to say you could go to my YouTube channel. It's youtubecom slash channel, Glenda Benavides Awesome, so that you can see music videos too.

Speaker 1 1:19:48

So if you wanted to do that, you could Absolutely, and we'll put that in the link as well. I mean, we'll put that in the episode description.

Speaker 3 1:19:54

Okay, I think you have all my stuff. Right on Well. Thank you so much for your time.

Speaker 2 1:20:00

Thank you.

Speaker 1 1:20:02

Okay, and to our listeners, remember life is story and we can get our hands in the clay, individually and collectively. We can write our own story. See you next time.