Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror and thought, "Could that be me on a billboard?" That's how the seed was planted in my teens, sparking a whirlwind of self-reflection and candid revelations I'm about to share with you. From grappling with the highs and lows of personal challenges to the soul-searching journey towards a life that shatters the ordinary, I pull back the curtain on the raw emotions and hard truths that accompany the pursuit of self-discovery.
Strap in for an episode that's as much an exploration of the podcasting frontier as it is a heartfelt confessional. I'll navigate the tumultuous waters of finding my voice in a sea of countless podcasters, while also wrestling with life's relentless curveballs—aging parents, financial pressures, and that unshakable desire to make a mark. Through tales of family dynamics and the complexities of carving a niche, I promise you an unfiltered look at the messy, yet beautiful tapestry of human experience.
And let's not forget the soundtrack of our lives—music. It has the power to elevate, to soothe, and to express the inexpressible. I'll reminisce about the timelessness of "Tequila" by The Champs, ponder the weighty issue of words and censorship, and share my dreams of the stage, all while weaving in stories that showcase the undeniable connection between our deepest aspirations and the melodies that underscore them. Join me as I confront the quirks of our shared humanity, and perhaps, we'll find our rhythm together.
Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror and thought, "Could that be me on a billboard?" That's how the seed was planted in my teens, sparking a whirlwind of self-reflection and candid revelations I'm about to share with you. From grappling with the highs and lows of personal challenges to the soul-searching journey towards a life that shatters the ordinary, I pull back the curtain on the raw emotions and hard truths that accompany the pursuit of self-discovery.
Strap in for an episode that's as much an exploration of the podcasting frontier as it is a heartfelt confessional. I'll navigate the tumultuous waters of finding my voice in a sea of countless podcasters, while also wrestling with life's relentless curveballs—aging parents, financial pressures, and that unshakable desire to make a mark. Through tales of family dynamics and the complexities of carving a niche, I promise you an unfiltered look at the messy, yet beautiful tapestry of human experience.
And let's not forget the soundtrack of our lives—music. It has the power to elevate, to soothe, and to express the inexpressible. I'll reminisce about the timelessness of "Tequila" by The Champs, ponder the weighty issue of words and censorship, and share my dreams of the stage, all while weaving in stories that showcase the undeniable connection between our deepest aspirations and the melodies that underscore them. Join me as I confront the quirks of our shared humanity, and perhaps, we'll find our rhythm together.
I'm trying to work through things and process it all. I know everybody. Everybody has a way of sorting through their challenges that bring upon them each day. Some challenges carry longer than a day, others may last. I'm struggling.
Speaker 1:
I'm struggling, I'm struggling, I'm struggling.
Speaker 2:
I don't want to make this into a bitch session to listen to my issues, but maybe if it would be a source of ways to work through issues. I've been told many things about what I should do in life. It was a matter of not knowing how to follow the path correctly. I remember my aunt, my dad's sister, when I was younger she told me she's like you, should be a model. No idea why she ever thought that. I mean I wasn't. I'm sure that if I had that attitude, that personality to be able to pursue that, I don't know. I mean I have no idea. It's just an odd thing for someone to say to somebody, especially to a male teenager. I never really thought much into it so I never pursued it. Obviously I don't know what I wished it. I have no idea. I have never Really met anybody that was deep into that lifestyle To really say how glamorous it is.
Speaker 2:
But how hard could it be? I mean, yeah, you got to look good, you got to carry a persona about yourself. You know you got to. You got to keep yourself in shape of fuck. What do you got to do? Travel and take fucking pictures and pose. That's not challenging. I Mean personal, I personal lies. Yeah, I mean, you got to be comfortable with here. You are in your skin, you got to be, and obviously most of Models is physically fit, which it should be. It should show off what the body can turn to be If you take care of it. I Agree on that aspect of it. I don't Not agree that, you know, we should have Different body shapes and whatever else.
Speaker 2:
This whole fight and fumble over this whole issue of everything with all that, I don't want to get into it now. I don't want to get lost in another rabbit hole ramble at the moment. But it's just a Thought that you know. Fuck, I don't even know where I was. I'd have to. I have to listen back to this and Refigure this all out. I don't are not. I don't know. That's gonna be fun. I hate doing this shit. The editing part is where my my struggle is. I guess is going getting back to it. So I got to get more, more disciplined for this challenge. It's what I'm guess.
Speaker 2:
What I'm trying to figure out is Is the overcoming of a challenge, working the process, no matter what it is, no matter what you're facing. You know, I've been contemplating on what I would like from my life, of what I have left of it. I mean Not saying that I'm gonna die tomorrow. I'm not saying that I'm gonna die next week. I don't know. We know, nobody knows.
Speaker 2:
Some people have an idea, based off their terminology, of their illnesses, but us that are healthy in some forms and fashions, I don't. I don't go and visit the doctor so I don't get told the bad news about how my body is and I am very in tune with myself. So I know, you know, that if something's going wrong, I can kind of get a sense of what's happening, which I'm sure that's the same for most people. So I try not to. I don't go to the doctor, obviously.
Speaker 2:
But but this challenge, you know I, this challenge in life, this journey that I'm trying to travel down and get moving with is Is a task for sure. I'm at a point in my life where I Can focus on more for myself, being that my kids are grown and Art in my need as much, so I can kind of break off from them a little more and and be able to focus on what I'm trying to pursue and in accomplish. But I have a quandary with with it all is my parents are now At the point in their lives where they need assistance more. So, in return of Not Having to care for my kids as much, I Now have to care for my parents in replace. So I've been trying to run down this path of self-discovery with myself. The oh fuck, I've been emotional a lot, a Whole hell of a lot, has been not outside the norm. I've always been an emotional person, but it's just. It's weird how little things hit and and spark it. So Bear with me through it to I I I.
Speaker 2:
Then music sets in. I it doesn't matter If I know the song or not, it's a matter of the tune that I can hear, and he know what it sets the, it sets the atmosphere and it sparks. It's just fucking flames, the fucking fire. More so, I Don't fucking know, karen, for my parents it's, it's a challenge, because you're, these are the, you're supposed people that birthed you and raised you and to teach you who you were.
Speaker 2:
In a way, my relationship with my folks was rocky at sorts. I guess Nothing majorly bad Ever came between us, just wasn't a whole lot of communication, and that was more on their part. And I'm sure there are Many of you that have experienced the same in life with your folks. But being the youngest of three and a little younger than the other two, I Was able to get a little more time, I guess. Not that I didn't have more time than my, than my brother and sister, but I, I don't know. I don't know I'm trying to go with that. I don't even know what I want to fucking talk about now.
Speaker 2:
This challenge of life, this journey that I'm trying to travel with this podcast of Whatever it's gonna come out to be is, is tasking, because what am I gonna do different that someone else hasn't already done? And that's where I'm trying to Trying to figure that out. How am I gonna be better than the last? What am I gonna do? And it's gonna drive people to wanna, you know, listen to my latest episode or share my information, whatever. And it's not that I'm not. That's not what I'm striving for. I don't know what it is I'm striving for. Money is one, of course, that comes with everything. If you do something that's popular, very well, obviously we are. We are all natures of, of entertainment, and it's a matter of what way you entertain to be able to become successful and if you have it inside yourself to be able to obtain that success and, with Stan, the outcome of what it brings.
Speaker 2:
So, again, it's a matter of Is this just gonna be a place for, or Reflection and let people listen to Just stupid bullshit, or well, it turn into something else? I, you know, I don't know, I don't so, but that challenge of having to care for your parents, for those of us or you that are out there that are at that stage yet, or getting ready to hit that stage but eventually all of us will help will come to that stage. If you have that relationship with your folks. Some might not, some might not still be alive. So it's everybody's got different stages of where they are in life and this is obviously my stage of what my life is right right now. Not that I'm anybody to anybody out there, but I think we all have a voice and we all want to be heard. It's a matter of who wants to listen.
Speaker 2:
So I'm gonna say some weird crap, I'm gonna have some weird ideas, but most of it's just gonna be my outlook on things. I'm gonna try not to Burn people with problems, because everybody faces problems in life, but I Guess some matter of it's like what challenge are we in in our life and what can we learn from that challenge to be able to share with others? You know, I Don't know. I don't even know if this is what I want to share. Stuck with things and it sucks. I, I foresee things in a little in a way that Isn't plain in favor of where I want to be or what I want to be doing, and that's where it's.
Speaker 2:
Uh, it's been tough. You know. I, I, this parent challenge has just been a a task and stress bearing issue, but I Put them through hell in some aspects, certain ways, I'm sure. I'm sure they questioned a lot about what my life was gonna become and that answer still hasn't been, you know, solved. I feel it that I it's my duty to to care for them as they've cared for me, just paying it forward or paying it back. I Just trying to figure this. I mean, the challenge for this is the, the finances, the Kate, the, the, the timing of everything. You know the, the whole aspect of the, of the outlook on things Wine is you know you, you gotta, you gotta have some. Don't know to not be too judgmental with shit, but you know what fuck it. Based on your background you're upbringing, your, your Access to resources Will put you in a path for the most part of what your life is gonna be, for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:
Now, not saying that some can't overcome adversity, because it has been done many times over and over. We see it on a daily basis. Those are the special, those are the few, but everybody has it inside themselves to be able to do it, and that's where I'm trying to fucking get to. I'm tired of living a mediocre life, and not that I consider myself mediocre, but not that I want to be in the middle of the limelight of of Celebritarian at all. That's not it. I just want to live a little bit more comfortable life, and If I can figure out an easy way to do it and I can share that with everybody out there, and if everybody can fucking figure it out on their own, then, goddamn, let's figure it out, because we're only on this fucking rock For a short amount of time and none of us know when that time is gonna end for each of us, or when time is gonna end for anything for that matter.
Speaker 2:
I Mean, we know when certain things are gonna end, we know when the show is gonna end or when a song is gonna end, or you know that Because there's set time set to it. You all know what I'm saying, but I forget what I'm saying half the time. Just Jump to the next subject and here we go, down this roller coaster ride of my life in my train thoughts, my my train thought, yeah, my thoughts, my train thoughts. That's for sure, they are a fucking crazy train. But who isn't there? Ain't a single one of us out there? You can't say that. We aren't. Not a single one of you has some weirdness, mentality problem, can't say it. So no judgments, just a few Parents. Oh, and of course, life gets in the way and you know we all got to make money, which is odd, it's. I don't know where is my music, my sounds are gone.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
I, where's my noise? I want noise. It may get real loud real quick, but I this, I can't hear it. I don't hear nothing the fuck. I don't like quiet. Quiet sucks. Gotta be noisy. I need to have the background noise. Come on, whatever Didn't do anything. I thought I hit the part.
Speaker 2:
I don't know. Oh, I did, it's on. It says it's connected. Okay, maybe I just need to change station here. Torn it. Oh, radio, what's time is six o'clock? Goddamn, I guess I'll go out to my mom and dad's Radio play, let's change a. Oh Boogie with the hoodie. Huh, no music, damn you. Can I get it from? Just I Got there so it's not coming up, the little speaker, it sounds like shit. There we go. I'll be back on the Bluetooth.
Speaker 2:
I don't know, I just have a love for music. I don't care what it is if it moves me and it it grooves me. You know, I Think music is important. Everybody should have music, everybody should listen to music. Everybody should listen all sorts of music, everybody. Nobody should be stuck with just one sort of music, because there's so much out there, so many different people that just have this great Mac of being able to One sing, two to be able. You know, those that are able to write lyrics, and that's the. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:
I Always wanted to sing. I didn't know what I was doing and I Never. I Don't know. I was never really confident enough to be able to do that in front of enough people. I guess I have no idea. I mean I tried, like I said, I I Want to get into stand-up comedy. I've got, I Don't even know if it's the stand-up comedy that I want to get into, if I want to be the one making people laugh or if I just want to be on stage in some form or fashion, being it is that I'm given a, a lecture, or I'm not sure. I don't know. We will figure this out. I guess you know. I mean, I've done stand-up and it's fun, I enjoy, I Enjoy bringing laughter to people because I'm, I'm just, I just have that Quirkiness. We're gonna turn, turn. Bonya are down here. Let's see.
Speaker 1:
Oh.
Speaker 2:
Excuse me, go back up, just Step it, I'll see what's next year. I Was this song first day out. I like to intro Is it gonna?
Speaker 3:
hit you ever been inside a federal court room? Nigga you ever went to?
Speaker 2:
trial and fall for your life being broke dear.
Speaker 3:
Something to my spirit. Ass niggas to plug me. They like they could hear me. Look at me not driving German engineering. Y'all want your baby mama, here comes from near me. Kill, roy, everyone. I used to use your ears to hit the road. Hit the old, make them big boy sales. Remember when you had to breathe things me with vacuum seals?
Speaker 2:
try not to have to use your ears on me.
Speaker 3:
Would you know about related to money? I don't know nothing. I used to see them walk to the county. I fuck with bitches. My body can't go from purge in the Cody any further questions. You can take that up with the lawyer. My nigga finger, j money, bravo, low pride, dick Joe, a tell you, red day before school I saw the half bow. How you think I won best dress with no support and have to pay lawyers coming in and not a court? Hey, why no? A DOA need a blessing. We made it out Kentucky. After all that happened, after the pre-trial, after the status, after the impact statements, after the castle, a J R nigga, ain't it a blessing we made?
Speaker 2:
it. I think it's hilarious. I mean I all right, we're gonna talk about this for a second there. It is like damn, when he's gonna come in with it. That was a while.
Speaker 2:
I like this song, the n-word, I Understand the, I Understand the whole history of it all, but I don't understand this, why. I guess, and I guess I don't, really, I shouldn't really care, but I hate the fact of censorship, if it can be said and I'm not saying that, I want to say it, I'm not gonna say it, I have said it, I will admit to that. Don't get me wrong. I haven't intended it to anybody. I've never said it directly at anybody. So you know, I mean, it's just the. I mean we all have forms of racism, unfortunately, and it's just a great end into our brain and our, you know, in our, our Upringing because of society, unfortunately, the fucking dipsticks that sit on TV and talk in those ways, and you know the things that we see, the little things on the fucking pieces of paper of what race we are, that it's just society in itself. You know the, the, the things, instead of asking like I mean I know here, I mean I don't, if there was a question that asked like what your background was, like, what your? You know where you're from. Mine would just be American or be United States, united States, and we can't really say I don't know how. How is it that we took the term American when there's North America, there's Central America and there's South America? Is that how greedy we are as a nation? And I'm not, I'm not downing our nation at all. I love what we have here. I don't know much about anywhere else.
Speaker 2:
I've never personally been outside of Mexico and a little bit of Canada, just a couple steps into Canada, not very far. But you know, I spent some time in the Mexico. For a little bit I experienced the. I experienced life in a way not not a hundred percent, but you know I have an outlook Outside of a lot. I look at things differently, I see people in different ways and it's I try to look at everybody in a light of goodness, as to why they're there, what caused them to be there, to real or relate, and then you can connect and then you can have An understanding between the two, regardless of what your backgrounds are. If you understand how each other works, and that's what all the matters and it's, I think, key to.
Speaker 2:
You know some shit that we do in life, but but you know, back to the word, you know the n-word, and here I am censoring myself with it, but just to be respectful of those that suffered from. You know what, what it is, the meaning, what the meaning behind it is. Obviously, you know we're not using it, it's not being used in that same manner In forms of, in forms of entertainment, of expression, you know, but it's still just. It's wild how we let a word have, have so much power, a thing that's created by someone's imagination. What is up with this station? I think this is more because Cooper listens to a lot of this shit. Cut that out. I like this music, but I want a little more. I want a little more, a little more change of stuff. Let's move from one to another, not just two. It's the same stuff just in different ways, like there are in some hip hop. Let's get to that. I love it. Okay, I also want to hit a little bit of something else. So where is?
Speaker 1:
stations Apple music.
Speaker 2:
Okay, Music hits, Music country. Play the shoes. Top alternative. Here we go Pop pop, pop, pop pop. Let's go with a little bit. What are we into right now? Let's go back. Stations by genre Catalog stations. Stations by genre Top stations.
Speaker 1:
Here we go. How do I make this?
Speaker 2:
bigger so I can see more. Okay, stations by genre. What are we into right now? Let's see, let's see, let's see. Pop, now oldies, what are oldies? What do they consider oldies? Beach Boys there we go. California girls All right, my love for music is very expansive, very growing and ever I don't know, everlasting.
Speaker 2:
I like it all. I haven't come across one that I'm not you know that I'm not, you know I'm not that I'm not pleased with. I'll dabble with it and I'll jump between, I'll get stuck for a while, but it definitely drives your mood and that's what's so wonderful about it. Again, not to bolster at any of my failures or thoughts, but I always had a. You know, I always wanted to get into some form of music.
Speaker 2:
And I don't know, I don't want to put blame on anybody or anything, and a lot of it's my own fault with things. But that's all about what life is figuring out our faults and our failures and growing from it. And that's why I'm just kind of tired of these people that are just blaming everything on everybody else for their fucking problems. It's like get the fuck off your goddamn ass and figure it out on your own. Nobody's got to do shit for you my thoughts, no one else's. I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that have that same thought. They just aren't brave enough to share it on a public platform. Oh well, so be it. Whatever comes from it, we'll see what happens, but I don't think it'll last long. I think enough people are waking up and are aware enough of the stupidity of it all. So we'll see.
Speaker 2:
No, I don't know. I wish they all could be California girls. Well, maybe not. Some of these California girls I've seen are a little wild and wacky. When I was younger see, that's what I grew up with. Listen to this bullshit oh, they wish it could all be California girls. And so my outlook on women, in a way, has been construed in some sense. I have no idea who we got here. Martha Reeves and the Vandals Heatwave there we go. Let's crank it up just a hair. There we go. That way, you all can hear this a little, but not enough. Not enough to get me in trouble, but we'll let it run as long as whatever possible, and we'll see what happens. You know, maybe someone will put me on as their DJ, who knows? I don't fucking know. That was another thing that somebody told me a long time ago, speaking of things that I've talked about, where my rambles run off to the craziness of my mind, and how it works. Oh, is it that you know? Oh, I should be a radio DJ.
Speaker 2:
You know, when I think what stopped me from that is, I mean because I knew people and that was what that was. What was weird is I was trying to get into different things and I just I don't know what it was I didn't chase things enough as I had wanted to when I was younger, for some reason, other than pussy and drugs, and I really didn't chase a whole lot of a whole lot of women back then. I don't not trying to be degrading and that's not my, you know. Look at it at all. Again, it's a, it's a downside of my upbringing, the things that I, the things that I were exposed to in a way, if you want to say, I mean, we're all exposed to shit in our lives. It's just all a matter of what we allow it to overtake of us and are we? Are we adult enough to figure that out on our own? But that's, you know, we're the cause of our own issues and I understand that. And I just hate the fact that I am the cause of my own issues because I am my worst fucking critic. I am harder on myself than anybody is, and it's, it's a fucking, it's just tough.
Speaker 2:
We listen here, little Richard, all right, good galley. Miss Molly, sure, like a ball. Oh yeah, it's a good station. Good old music here. Hmm, all right, I don't know, I keep rambling and I keep moving to different shit and whatever else. But matter of the fact is is it's my brain, it's my podcast, and fuck it. Have at it, pick at it, do with what you want from it. I don't give a fuck. There are some give a fucks that I give a fuck, and this is not one of the give a fucks. So the main factor of the matter is is someday I'm going to be dead and it ain't going to fucking matter.
Speaker 2:
Oh well, is it going to have any ill effect on my offspring and their offspring and whatever else my generationals from here on out could be? Who fucking knows? But it may not. Oh, I don't know why I have a, why this old music is so resonating to me. I don't know it's, I just love the sounds.
Speaker 2:
You know the, the, the innocence of it all. You know this was back when things were really just like, when you had to watch your words a lot more than you do nowadays, and I get that people get upset over words. Again, here we go with words, you know, and I get that people get upset with words. I understand it. But if you go get the whole meaning behind the words and where the words stem from, and you got to understand it all. But yes, words can be construed and words can be thrown in ways that it'll hurt your feelings. Okay, the fact of the matter is, are those words going to be taken out and are they going to be? Is it going to be a followed through with action? That's the fact. Okay, I can go say I'm going to kill somebody when I'm driving down the street in my car, maybe on the phone with somebody, because somebody cut me off. Oh, I'd kill that motherfucker. You know people say that. You just say it. Am I going to do it? No, sorry, I don't have it in me. I'm not a killer, you know I don't. I've what have I? What have I killed? Let's think a bird, maybe a deer when I hit it with a car. A person? No, have I had thoughts? Sure, everybody has thoughts, and if not, maybe I am a little weird. It's the same with suicide. Everybody has thoughts. It's just a thought. It's the matter of it. That's where my thought it. I'm not with it. I may talk about it and joke about it, whatever else. I know it's a serious thing. I Know people. I've known people that committed suicide. I was close with people. I had relatives that done it.
Speaker 2:
I Get the tequila. The song is so simple. Tequila, three fucking words, and how it's so simple. This, this song, is so fucking simple. It's. It's amazing.
Speaker 2:
I'm curious as to how much money this, the song, made it. And you know in what the, the champs, did with the rest of what the rest of their career was. I don't know a whole lot about the champs, but Tequila there's the first one a minute and almost the song in total was what? Two minutes, two minutes and some change, just shy. Yeah, just a little over two minutes long. So it's kind of funny, but it's one of those things. You just hear it, you know. Okay, I know this song. I've heard this song millions of times and I know that. I know the words and I can sing them on cue. It all leads up to it. It's coming up right now gives me plenty time to talk to Kila.
Speaker 2:
I Sit in front of a window in my room in my house. It faces the street, so I Leave the blinds open. I'm in a voyeurism, I guess, of people wanting to look at me. I don't know, I Don't close my blinds in my house. I have one blind closed to Maybe sometimes three Tequila. That is the third one at the end. Two minutes and 1215 seconds, whatever it is. What's? Just the old brass, the horns. I think that's what gets me is listening to the old horns, and some of the vocals of these old songs are good, so I Don't know what I'm just now. I'm starting to fucking really just stupid ramble and get off complete subject. So I think I cut it off here and come back another night. No, what, I didn't accomplish anything really stupid, right Peace.
