Her Next Chapters

45. Embracing the Empty Nest: A Journey Through College Drop-Off

• Christina Kohl

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This week's episode dives into my personal journey of preparing to take my youngest child to college, where excitement intertwines with sadness. From sorting through school supplies to packing those iconic Ikea bags, I share the highs and lows, the practical tasks, and the poignant moments that make this transition so significant. 

Tune in for a heartfelt episode that captures the essence of embracing new chapters for both our children and ourselves. 

Also, for anyone thinking about starting a job search, or is already in a job search,  I'm so excited to invite you to join a free, three-day virtual challenge starting on September 4th. We'll do a deep dive on how to 

  • get clear on your career goals,
  • build a supportive job search network &
  • confidently talk about yourself.


Sign up by 9/4. 

Interested in my 1:1 Career Comeback Coaching program? Apply HERE.
Send me an email ---> christina@hernextchapters.com
DM me on LinkedIn ---> www.linkedin.com/in/kohlchristina
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Christina Kohl:

Hi and welcome to Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, hristina Cole. I'm a mom of three and soon to be an empty nester. I'm also a certified HR pro who restarted my career after being a stay-at-home mom for over a decade. I created this podcast to connect with moms who have an empty nest on the horizon and are wanting to redefine their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show, we'll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms. We'll hear from women who restarted their careers and share tips for a job search after a career break. So if that's you, you're in the right place. Friend, let's get started. Hi, friends, and welcome to this week's episode. So glad that you're here listening in. I so appreciate you.

Christina Kohl:

This week I'm going to talk about something you've already mentioned a few times, if you've been listening to the podcast. It's college drop-off season and it's back to school season. So I know in our neighborhood, back to school was a couple of days ago. In a few days from now, I'm going to be taking my youngest child and dropping him off and getting him all set up in his college dorm, and I've done this twice before with my older kids. This time it feels a little different because before it was, it was still that whole mix of excitement and positivity and all that the future held for my, for my child and their, their journey as a student and and stepping out into adulthood. All of that was there and, of course, a little sadness because I miss them and I had another. I had other children at home that I was still responsible for and we still had the rhythm of daily family life.

Christina Kohl:

This time it's different because my youngest is now the one that we're packing up all of his stuff to move him into the dorm. He's moving out and I will be honest for those of you who are true empty nesters, my older two kids are still living at home. They're doing college from home but, with that being said, they're very independent. I don't see very much of them. So, no, it's not the same. But when there are nights, when maybe my husband is at a work event and all three kids are busy living their lives and it's just me that I have that sense of like this is the emptiness feeling. And okay, here it is and it's just time to recognize it and figure out how I'm going to.

Christina Kohl:

What's next for me, right, my next chapter and, anyway, the reason I wanted to talk about it today is because my family room right now in this moment, is full of all the college dorm stuff. We brought it all up from the basement today, sorted it all by different subjects, so we've got, you know, the school supplies in one area, the bedding supplies in one area, the um, the laundry supplies in another area, the storage stuff I'm trying to think what else first aid and we just kind of gathered everything and are taking inventory to make sure we have it all. And most of the time I would say 90% of the time I am totally fine with all of this. Like I'm excited for my kid, I'm so optimistic for his future and I'm just so excited for all of the things he's going to get to experience. And then there's that 10% of the time when I think not so much about him but about me and that I'm going to miss him so much, just like I miss my other two when they were gone. And, like I said, this time it's a little different because the rhythm of family life is so different, with with the youngest leaving the nest and sometimes not only so that 90% of happiness and excitement.

Christina Kohl:

And then there's that 10% of sadness or loss. Sometimes in that 10% it hits me physically. So today I went up into his room and he wasn't in the room but the Ikea bags were. He's been packing and putting his clothes in the Ikea bags. There's probably four or five Ikea bags, and if you know what those are, they're the blue tarp kind of rectangular shaped bags that are great for moving into college dorms. They're lightweight and then they totally collapse into almost nothing.

Christina Kohl:

So, anyway, he's filling his Ikea bags and just seeing that, seeing his room with the Ikea bags, it just hit me, hit me in a physical way the pressure in my chest, the sense of loss, and I had to sit and experience that. I had to let myself experience it and I don't share this with him. I had to let myself experience it and I don't share this with him. He might listen to this. So, hey, buddy, if you're listening, I love you, I'm happy for you, I'm thrilled for you. Just know that my mama heart is a little sad because I miss you. So anyway, moms, if you're going through this and maybe you've already been through it, or if it's in your future, just know and I I believe it with all my heart. This is normal, this is perfectly normal. And for him. I just want him to see the excitement, because I am so very excited for him and and I'm trying to give him the space that he needs and deserves, while also, you know, letting him know his mom misses him and wants to hear from him.

Christina Kohl:

So I'm going to probably make this a two part episode. I'm not sure if it'll be all together in one or if I'll do a separate recording, because right now it's all of the getting ready for college drop-off. So I'll come back and record after the college drop-off, even though I'm fully composed right now. I know, based on experience, both when I was a college kid and my mom dropped me off at school and dropping my other two children off, that physical, body, sensation of emotion and overwhelm. It's going to hit me, I'm sure of it, and it'll probably hit him too. It's a significant change, all in all, positivity, all wonderful greatness, and it's what we want for our kids to be starting their own chapters and spreading their wings and coming out from the protection of mom and dad's house and being independent and learning through their own experiences. So, yeah, it's both a hand and I'm not sure I talked about this in a recording, but I don't know if I published it, so I do want to address it really quickly.

Christina Kohl:

Both and I can be both thrilled and happy and proud and excited and sad, and missing my kid at the same time. So, holding both of those, both things are true at the same time. There's just so many things in our lives that are both and, and I just wanted to share that in case you're thinking that you can't be one, or that you have to be one or the other. You can be happy and sad. I mean the simplest terms of emotions. You can be both happy and sad at the same time. So I'm in the middle of a both and with college drop off for my young sweet boy. All right, well, I'll record again after we do the drop off and let y'all know how it goes.

Christina Kohl:

Hey, everyone, I want to take this opportunity to tell you about this exciting challenge that I am hosting. It's on the secrets to landing your dream job, even with a career break. So I'm putting this together for people that are starting their job searches or maybe you've been in a job search for a while and just aren't getting a lot of traction and really it's some of the fundamentals, some of the foundational things that you need to be successful in your job search. So it's a three-day challenge. On the first day we're going to focus on career clarity and life design, so really like what is the right role for you at this current stage and season of life. And then on day two, we're going to jump into your network how to activate the network you already have as well as expanding your network. I don't know about you, but networking the whole idea of it just sounds kind of icky and uncomfortable and awkward, and I really want to show you and teach you the natural networking method for how to network with ease and build genuine relationships without feeling awkward or forced. On day three, the focus is going to be how to talk about yourself in these networking conversations, whether it's in a job interview or just you run into someone at the grocery store and I've talked about this stuff on the podcast before, so if you've been listening for a while you might have an idea of what we're talking about here but really it's your elevator pitch and we're going to be focusing on that. On day three, on how to take your expertise and package it into a compelling and memorable elevator pitch. So, putting all three of those together, it's really foundational to anyone's job search. And, of course, the lens the focus will be on those of us that have had a career gap.

Christina Kohl:

So I invite you to join. It is completely free. It is my gift to you in this community. So, if you're listening in real time, this episode is going live on August 21st. The challenge starts in two weeks, so September 4th, 5th and 6th. It's going to run for three days and it'll be live virtual calls and you've got a couple of weeks to sign up. You can sign up all the way until September 4th. There'll be a link to sign up in the show notes and you can also find information about it on LinkedIn. If you go to my profile, you'll see it there. And, yeah, please join. We're going to have a Facebook group and we're going to have activities and know that you'll be part of the community. You won't be alone in this. There'll be others there. And, yeah, I'm just really excited to be able to offer this. So sign up and I can't wait to see you.

Christina Kohl:

All right, with that, we're going to switch back to the episode. I cut in here in the middle of the before drop-off at school and now we're going to go to after drop-off and let you know how things turned out. All right, back to the show. Well, hey, everyone, it's Christina here, Just wanted to give you a brief update.

Christina Kohl:

Well, it's been a week since college drop-off happened and everything went smoothly. You know a little stressful at times trying to pack everything in and to get there on time and squeezing it all into the car. We have an SUV with three passengers and all of his stuff, but we made it and got them all moved in, got the room set up probably 90% of it set up and of course, we did the target run, like you know, got a few more things and spend the day with his roommate, which you know he's a great guy and they've got a great connection and friendship started, which is wonderful to see. And unfortunately I did not take pictures. I took a picture of my son and his roommate and part of the room, but I didn't stop to take pictures of us, which I'm kind of disappointed by. But I didn't cry. I kind of thought I would, but I didn't cry.

Christina Kohl:

I was just so immersed in happiness and getting him set up in his own environment and just really focused on the task at hand and making sure that everything was functional and that we knew where things were and everything looks great. And he's just so excited and I'm so excited for him and he's just so excited and I'm so excited for him and I thought maybe the drive home would get me, but no, I just have this confidence and assuredness that he's where he needs to be, and it helps that he's only a couple hours away, hour and a half in good traffic, and we know that we're still going to see him and talk to him, and, in fact, we've talked. I think I've had three conversations with him in the week that he's been moved in. Where it did hit me, so it wasn't on the goodbye and it wasn't on the drive home, it wasn't even once we got home. It was that night when I was locking up the house to go to bed and making sure all the doors are secure, and usually when I go to bed, even whatever time it is, oftentimes he's out with friends, and as I'm going to lock up, I'm like he's not here, he doesn't live here right now, he's in his own place, and then it hit me his absence and overall, though, it's been pretty. It's pretty rare, I mean, I get overcome with that emotion every now and then, but oh my gosh, what a gift it is to hear from him and to hear how he's plugged in and all the orientation activities, the welcome activities and he's loving his classes. They just started yesterday and it's just really a neat gift and I miss him, but I'm so, so excited for him at the same time.

Christina Kohl:

So back to that both, and so I hope, if you are dropping your kids off at college, I hope it's a smooth transition for you as well. And there's something I wanted to share. I saw this I forget where I saw it, but something, a phrase, a statement that goes something on the lines of a mother's job is to raise her children so that they don't need her anymore. And the hardest part of the job is accepting success. And that's so true it has helped me over this past week that he doesn't need me for all the little things anymore. Right, you know he's still going to call. We have a relationship. That's the point is that you raise them so they don't need you, and I think that's what's made this transition easier is just seeing my kids thrive in their own lives and still being welcomed to be a part of it. So that's the true reward.

Christina Kohl:

So, again, if you are sending kids off to school, just know it's going to be okay, things will work out. There might be some hard times, but things will work out, and they're going to look to you for support when they need it. Hard times, but things will work out and they're going to look to you for support when they need it and your love's going to follow them wherever they go. All right, well, anyway, that's my update on our college move in and transition for our family and sending our youngest off to school. And, yeah, for everyone sending kids off to school this season, best of luck as we start a new school year. All right, my friends, that's it. I will talk to you next time. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit home for you and, if you haven't already, be sure to connect with me on LinkedIn and say hello so I can personally thank you for listening. Until next time, remember, your story is uniquely your own and your next chapters are ready to begin.