Her Next Chapters
This podcast is for moms with an empty nest on the horizon who are reclaiming & redefining their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show we’ll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms, hear from women who restarted their careers, and share tactical tips for a successful job search after a career break.
Her Next Chapters
49. Rediscover Your Career Confidence: Tips for Stay-at-Home Moms Returning to Work
Can a career break actually be an asset? Join me as I share lessons from my journey of reentering the workforce after 13 years at home. This episode is packed with real-life insights and actionable advice.
We'll tackle the often daunting task of reframing career breaks into compelling narratives that highlight your unique strengths. Listen in as I recount my initial missteps during a job interview and learn how to focus on your professional experience and transferable skills. Discover how clarity, life experience, and a renewed enthusiasm can make you an invaluable asset to any employer. Tune in for an empowering discussion designed to help you approach your job search with newfound confidence and a fresh perspective.
Interested in my 1:1 Career Comeback Coaching program? Apply HERE.
Send me an email ---> christina@hernextchapters.com
DM me on LinkedIn ---> www.linkedin.com/in/kohlchristina
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Hi and welcome to Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, Christina ole. I'm a mom of three and soon to be an empty nester. I'm also a certified HR pro who restarted my career after being a stay-at-home mom for over a decade. I created this podcast to connect with moms who have an empty nest on the horizon and are wanting to redefine their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show, we'll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms. We'll hear from women who restarted their careers and share tips for a job search after a career break. So if that's you, you're in the right place. Friend, let's get started. Hi, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapters.
Christina Kohl:Today I want to talk about confidence, specifically when you're reentering the workforce after a long career gap. So many moms who have been primary caregivers, also known as stay-at-home moms, really struggle with a lack of confidence when returning to the workforce, and today I really want to look at ways to change the narrative, starting with a narrative in our own minds, Because if you want someone else to have confidence in you like a hiring manager, your new boss first you have to have confidence in yourself, and it really starts with this internal belief, this feeling that we're not good enough, that our skills are outdated and that our caregiving time isn't valued, and in those things we might internalize. And then, of course, we project that outward as well. So we really need to focus more on believing it ourselves. First and I know for myself I struggled with this when I was job searching a few years back. I am, for those who don't know my story I'd been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years, and this was after 10 years of working in human resources, working my way up the corporate ladder, and I opted out so I could be the mom that my kids and my family needed. And when I was going back to work, I struggled with this identity shift, Like it was hard to see myself as a professional because it had been so long. And when I this isn't really embarrassing, but when I first started going to networking events in fact, there was this HR human resources networking event that I went to and there must've been about a hundred people there and it was speed networking, I think, like speed dating, but speed networking they literally set a timer for three minutes and you had to pair up and each person got a minute and a half to introduce themselves.
Christina Kohl:So talk about practicing your elevator pitch over and over and over again. The thing is, I kept introducing myself as hi, I'm Christina, I'm a stay-at-home mom, I've been home with my kids for 13 years. I worked in HR for 10 years before and I'm excited and ready to get back to that. It wasn't until my speaking partner turned around and he said I bet I can guess how old your kids are. I'm like oh really, you know? Tell me what do you think? He says 13. I'm like how do you know that? And it's because I just told him I've been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years.
Christina Kohl:I was so wrapped up in my identity as a stay-at-home mom and I was leading with that as I'm introducing myself to my peers who happen to be, you know, HR professionals who hire people, and that was my lead, that was my selling point. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years. So it didn't really reek of confidence. And looking back, I mean I realized when my speaking partner I can't remember his name, I wish I could when he kind of called me out he's like I bet I know how old your kids are. They're 13, right? It's like that was really.
Christina Kohl:That wasn't the point of the networking to talk about our kids and being home. The point of the networking was, for me, it was job searching. Right, I was trying to expand my network so that I can get a job. And that wasn't a great sales pitch, saying I've been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years, and so I really had to kind of recognize what I was doing. And one way that helped me, or that I helped my clients that I wish I would have had a coach help me do this but is to go back in time. So take the last 13 years, or for you, if it's been five years, or maybe it's been 20 years. So one of the people I met the other day, it's been 20 years and she's ready to go back to work. So whatever, however long it's been, let's set that time aside for now and let's go back in time to when you were last working, or maybe when you graduated and got your college degree or whatever your schooling was.
Christina Kohl:Let's go back in time and imagine how you would have introduced yourself then when you were still in the workforce and you were busy with all of your different work, projects and all the things you were doing. How would you have introduced yourself then? So, if you are someone who journals, this would be a great opportunity, a great prompt to journal on and to think about. So, when I thought about this, this is how I would answer that question how would I introduce myself before my career break? And granted, keep in mind this is from the lens of today, which was also like pointing to what I wanted to do next. Okay, here it next. Okay, here it is.
Christina Kohl:Hi, I'm Christina. I'm an HR manager for a home builder. I'm leading a team of six HR professionals and supporting 2000 employees across the country. I love mentoring others and helping them be successful, whether they are people in my team, a manager facing a challenge or a new employee joining the company. So that's one way that I would have introduced myself, or that I would you know now, looking back, of course, then I would have also introduced, like you know, I do these things. Like you know, talk a little bit more detail about the type of work that I did.
Christina Kohl:So what I gave you is very high level, but even reading that statement, it just really helps me get in touch with my professional identity and not my mom identity, and I know for myself and maybe you can relate to this after a year or two of being a stay-at-home mom, I really lost touch with that professional identity and it was hard to grab a hold of that again when I was ready to go back to work and that's why I was introducing myself as 13 years as a stay-at-home mom. That was my lead. So I want to encourage you, do that time travel exercise and think about how you would introduce yourself you know how many years ago and can reconnect with that identity, Even if you're ready to do something totally different now. But reconnect with who you were before you were mommy. Go back in time and remember the woman you used to be. Okay, so start from there and then come up with a new introduction.
Christina Kohl:So the way that we talk about our career break when networking or interviewing, we do want to talk about the break. You don't want to hide it, you don't want to pretend it never happened, but you also don't want to tell a whole story around it. Oh my gosh. I posted on this on LinkedIn this past week, so if you follow me there, you would have already read this. But I'm going to tell the story anyway because I know not everyone who listens is on LinkedIn, so I had gotten this interview. I was so excited. It was like I was just starting to apply for jobs and I used my network and tapped into someone that had a second level connection and she contacted her the person she knew and told them all about me and they're like, yeah, she sounds great, have her send her resume over to me and I'll get it to the CEO. And so that all happened and within an hour of me reaching out to my friend, my contact, I was sending my resume to the CEO and then I had an interview request. I mean, it all happened very quickly, so that's all wonderful and great. If I stop the story there, it's like wow, that's really cool.
Christina Kohl:The thing is I went to the interview and this is my first interview, you guys, in like 15 years Not only my first interview as a stay-at-home mom, but it had been a couple of years, almost three years, since I had interviewed for my last job. So we're talking at least 15 years since I had interviewed. And when they asked me, the hiring manager asked me you know, so tell me about yourself. You know kind of the introductory small talk conversation you can guess it I started with. Well, I've been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years. Not only that you guys, I'm hanging my head down. Not only that, I kept going and explained how my son had a lot of medical challenges and he's had multiple surgeries and I've needed to be home to be a caregiver. But his next set of surgeries are like several years in the future. So now is the right time for me to come back to work and I probably said other things about how my experience in HR and recruiting and I'm excited about the role and all of that. But I led with being a long time stay-at-home mom. I led with my son's medical challenges. Led with my son's medical challenges. And what really caught my attention there is when the CEO it was actually the CEO said it. He just leaned back and looked at me and said I'm sorry that happened to you and it just really was like jarring because I wasn't looking for sympathy. I was just surprised that that was his response.
Christina Kohl:Where I was coming from was trying to explain and justify why I was out for so long. I didn't have just an ordinary time as a stay-at-home mom. I had all these extra challenges. I had to do this. Anyone in my position would have done the same thing. Don't you understand? I had to take this time off. Don't you understand? I had to take this time off. I was justifying it and felt the need to explain the why.
Christina Kohl:But here's the thing he didn't care, and I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean that he had a problem he needed to have solved. He already knew that I had a career break because he'd seen my resume. He already knew about that. He didn't care why I was out. He already knew that I had a career break because he'd seen my resume. He already knew about that. He didn't care why I was out. He brought me in because he thought I could solve his problem and I might've been able to. But I just did not start that interview off on the right foot. I spent the first couple of however many minutes explaining, coming from a place of um, oh, shame is too strong of a word, but coming from a place of insecurity, we'll say. And it wasn't effective, right, it kind of set the tone for the rest of the interview and it didn't go well. And, surprise, surprise, I did not get that job. So I want you to learn from my mistake and again, if you follow me on LinkedIn, you've already kind of seen this.
Christina Kohl:But the better way to talk about your career break is make it really really brief. No justification, no explanation needed. You don't even need to say how long. So, yes, you want to bring it up, you don't want to hide it, you don't want to be sneaky or anything or be covering it up, and you just want to focus on what you offer. Can you solve their problem? So let me give you a better example of a strong. I already kind of told you my weak example of how I bombed and messed up that interview, but let me give you a better example.
Christina Kohl:So, after a 10-year career in human resources, I took a career break. While raising my family, I've continued to enjoy coaching and mentoring others through my volunteer work and I'm looking forward to using these skills as an HR professional again. In fact, I'm studying to take the SPHR certification in a couple of months to make sure my knowledge is up to date. Can you guys hear the difference? And so what you do is you want to lead with your experience, your professional experience. Lead with that, not with how long you've been a stay-at-home mom, and you'll notice in the strong example.
Christina Kohl:Let me see I took a career break while raising my family. It's less than 10 words, right? There's less than 10 words in that example explaining the career break. There's no need to mention how long they already know. If you're in an interview, They've already seen your break and you're really focusing on your experience and what you've done and how it's relevant, and that you're excited about what's coming next. All right. So no justification, no explanation, no shame, none of that. You just want, you want to exude confidence, right. And then, building on that, what would you say if I told you your career break could be an asset? I'm, I'm going to guess you're a little skeptical. Well, let's, let's chat about that.
Christina Kohl:So, regardless of the reason for your break, whether it was personal, you moved, you had a visa issue, maybe you, maybe you were a trailing military spouse and you just weren't allowed to work in the country that you're in, or you just weren't there long enough. Maybe, like myself, it was some medical challenges of your kids, or maybe you just wanted to be the standalone mom for your kids and be the one with them, seeing all of their milestones and being the one you know, taking care of all the things on the home front. Regardless of the reason, you were coming back to the paid workforce with renewed excitement and energy. That is an asset. I wish sabbaticals were more common and accepted in our country. They're not right, but this is a gift. You've had an opportunity to step away and to come back refreshed and full of excitement and energy and you have so many transferable skills and that clarity of who you are as a person and your maturity.
Christina Kohl:Those are assets and some examples like for me, like I mentioned, there were some healthcare things going on and I was pursuing human resources roles, which includes benefits, medical care, medical insurance and so I was able to tap into that and say, while I've been on career break, I have navigated all of these surgeries, navigated with insurance, getting things covered, identifying a network deficiency, getting that covered, negotiating things, and so, because of all of my experience as a consumer of medical care and benefits, that gave me an asset, that gave me an advantage that I can take that into my employer and relate to their employees. That way I can educate around it because I've lived it on some of these complicated things and I can help design the healthcare plans better. I can communicate around them because I know where the pitfalls were, because I experienced it. I've lived experience that was really valuable and that was an asset to my employers and I used that in my interviews during my career re-entry. Obviously it worked because I got the job.
Christina Kohl:And then you know, there's other things that whatever you have done whether it's within your family or in volunteering or other things what you don't want to do is just like be highlighting all the normal things that every household has to do. We all have to budget, we all have to meal plan. We all have to, you know, all have to meal plan. We all have to make sure everyone's got clothes and make sure the house is clean, and all of that. Those are all things that we all have to do. So those aren't necessarily competitive advantage, right, Because every household has to do those. So I wouldn't necessarily be showcasing those. And if you don't have things, then that's okay. But it could be an opportunity while you're in your job search to start volunteering and start getting those new accomplishments and new skills through volunteer work, which will be twofold, right.
Christina Kohl:We've talked about strategic volunteering on the podcast before, but it'll allow you to meet new people. So expand your network. It'll allow you to try on new things and find out what you do and don't like. It'll allow you to enhance your skills and maybe have some current work experience. Even though it's not paid, it is still experience. Unpaid experience is experience, so there's all kinds of things you can do there and then bring that into your new workplace and into the interviews to ultimately sell yourself to the new hiring manager. And then bring that into your new workplace and into the interviews to ultimately sell yourself to the new hiring manager.
Christina Kohl:And then this one oh my gosh, this is the ultimate reframe of a career break. So this is one of the moms from my son's preschool class. We connected on LinkedIn and so I had seen her changes when she went back to work. She was out of the workforce for I don't know seven to 10 years and she left. I don't know the details, but she left like at a vice president level.
Christina Kohl:What her LinkedIn profile said, like in her about section, was that early retirement it is everyone's dream. Well, I got to live it. I retired early and have enjoyed myself and have done all kinds of wonderful things, and now I'm kind of at the point where I want to re-engage, I want to get back in and contribute on a regular basis because I've had my fun and I'm back. So I know I'm not telling the story exactly right, but hopefully you get the gist. So I know I'm not telling the story exactly right, but hopefully you get the gist.
Christina Kohl:Talk about the ultimate reframe. Like I said, I knew her outside of LinkedIn and I know that she was a stay-at-home mom to her son and her daughter for several years. She didn't mention that. She mentioned like hey, look at me, I'm living the dream and I'm voluntarily coming back because I want to be engaged again and contribute in a professional environment. So talk about, like I said, the ultimate reframe. So, rather than let it hold you back, look for ways that it's made you better and, of course, I don't know you personally, Maybe I do, In which case, give me a call, we can talk about it. But, yeah, look for ways that your career break has added to your skill set, has added to your perspective, because I'm sure it's there if you take some time and think about that and I think I've said this before in the podcast, but regardless, I'm going to say it again.
Christina Kohl:So the thing about confidence is that only one person needs to believe in you. And when I first heard that, I thought, yeah, I know, I just need one person to give me a break. Right, I just need one person to take a chance on me and hire me so that I can prove that I can do the job. But that's not the one person that needs to believe. But that's not the one person that needs to believe Before that can happen. The one person who needs to believe in you is you. Once that happens, once that shift happens internally, then things are going to be able to change externally. But until you have that internal confidence and belief in what you offer and that you are an asset and that any employer would be lucky to have you, until that shift happens internally, things aren't going to change externally. Because why would I, as a hiring manager, as a recruiter, have confidence in you if you don't have it in yourself? So that's where the work begins.
Christina Kohl:All right, Well, I hope you find this helpful and learn and given some tools of how to talk about your break with confidence, how to reconnect with your professional identity, how to turn your career break into an asset. Like be thinking about those things and, again, journaling. It works, it helps me. I know it helps me get clarity. So if that's a tool for you, or maybe it's talking to a friend, or if you want to talk to me, you know where to find me in the show notes is. You'll find my email and we can schedule a call. I'm happy to help you.
Christina Kohl:All right, Well, I hope today is helpful, as always, and if this resonated with you at all, it would mean the world to me if you would rate and review the show. It really helps other people find it. If there's someone you know who could benefit from this content, please share it with them. That would mean the world to me and hopefully help them as well. All right, Well, with that, thank you, as always, for listening. I so appreciate you, each and every one of you. All right, have a great day and we'll talk to you next time. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit home for you and, if you haven't already, be sure to connect with me on LinkedIn and say hello so I can personally thank you for listening. Until next time. Remember, your story is uniquely your own, and your next chapters are ready to begin.