should you date a thai bar girl? and more tips about pattaya

How well do you truly understand the dynamics of relationships with Thai bar ladies? Buckle up as we take you on an insightful ride with Mike, who's experienced this reality firsthand, being married to a former bar lady. He peels back the layers of these complex relationships, exposing the pitfalls and the manipulative tactics often employed by bar ladies. From outlining the significance of using a blend of logic and emotions to understanding the cultural and societal dynamics, Mike will guide you through this intricate labyrinth.

But we're not stopping there. Dreaming of a memorable trip to Pattaya, Thailand? Allow us to be your guiding star. We're serving up a platter of practical advice - from respecting the locals to keeping your alcohol in check, and even how you interact with the natives. Discover the joy of trying local street food, venturing into unexplored areas, and keeping an open mind towards the unique cultural experiences Pattaya offers. These pearls of wisdom will guarantee your trip is not only safe but filled with unforgettable moments.

Let's remember, this is not a monologue but a conversation, and we want to hear from you. Got any intriguing tales about Thailand or burning questions you're longing to ask? Reach out to us via email or our social media platforms. And let's not forget, we're here every week with a new episode, so join us on this journey of learning and growth. Until then, stay safe and see you next time!

Transcript

mike: 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to the sixth episode of my Thai Wife podcast. I'm Mike and sadly I'm still doing this podcast without my lovely wife Sunaree. In today's episode we will touch on two subjects Is it a good idea getting into a relationship with the Thai Barolady, and what should you avoid when doing that, and 10 expert tips for Pateha visitors. So, as you know, I'm living in Israel for about 5 years already with my Thai wife, sunari, which is a former Barolady, and it worked great for us. But I heard many disturbing stories about similar relationships that really went south and ended in a lot of pain, frustration and grief for both sides, some because of cultural differences, some because of age gaps, other by pure greed. But I think 90% of those relationships shouldn't have started from the beginning.

mike: 1:07

Almost everyone that have been to Pateha knows that it's a very luring city. However, it can also be a very dangerous city for an even gullible person. There are things that absolutely will happen to you if you are visiting there. You will come back and you will fall for a Thai lady. There is a stigma in Thailand towards ladies that work in bars. Even if they are providing a great income to their families, it's still hard to go back to normal life after they walk the bars. It's difficult for them to get into a serious relationship with the Thai men and find a regular job. So at some point, usually once they cross the 40 mark, when they are no longer the hot young Thai ladies they used to be and that it's getting harder for them to find customers, they start looking for a more permanent solution, and that solution is finding someone that will take them out of Pateha. If a Thai lady is married with a foreign man, all the previous stigma that was attached to her is replaced with respect and validation as success story. I know there are some anomalies for bar walkers that chose to stay alone and they are still working at the bars at their 50s, 60s and even older, but that is really rare. All of those ladies are trained to make you feel good about yourself and to trust them. They will always find a way to get into your heart. If, by sharing a personal and sad story that will bring out the inner shiny white night that want to save this pure and innocent soul that was wrongly found herself in a dire situation, or another known method, is becoming the only person that you can trust, by warning you of all the possible scams and by asking you if you are hungry 3 times every day. She would even offer cooking for you and will be happy to accompany you everywhere if you would just show a slight interest in doing anything else rather than sitting your fat ass at her bar all day and drinking beers. By doing all that, she will bring back to life your inner child that need his mommy to take care of him, feed him and change his diaper.

mike: 3:25

A good friend of mine that have few decades of Pattaya experience over me once told me that those ladies are grandmasters of social and emotional intelligence and that most of them can read people in a matter of seconds. If they cannot develop these skills, they cannot walk at those bars and they would find themselves broke very quickly and go back to work the farms with their families. He also told me that many western pharangs don't seem to understand that in most interactions between them and the bar ladies, those ladies aren't the one being used and manipulated by the pharangs. The pharangs are being used and manipulated by those ladies. After I finished my service in the army, I moved to the USA for a year to work in those Malkiosk us israeli love to work at and we used to have a nickname for those people that in first glance we knew we could sell them whatever we want without any effort. They are very easy to recognize. Usually they carry a lot of different bags from different stores they just visited. They look left and right in order to see if there is something else that catches their eyes. They don't try to avoid eye contact and, most importantly, they are very easy to distract and start conversation with. We call them walking ATMs. You just need to push the right buttons and the money was pouring out of them. So most of those ladies that walk at the bars know how to identify the walking ATM better than any kiosk mall salesman.

mike: 5:04

Almost 80% of them are coming from Isan, which is the eastern part of Thailand. The majority of them are coming from a low social economic backgrounds. Many of them are single mothers that got knocked up in their late teens and they left their children with their own parents so they would be able to come to Pataya, make money and provide for their families, and finding a good and wealthy pharang that willing to bring them to their country is just a bonus. I have known ladies that have several quotes on quotes pharang boyfriends that support them even after they go back to their countries. One of those ladies once showed me that the money she received the same month exceeded 250,000 baht and this is just from her boyfriends that aren't in Thailand at the moment. That said, I don't think that all of those ladies are bad. I think they just played the game by its rules and those rules are in their favor.

mike: 6:02

As a pharang, there is only one rule that you need to understand you are a walking ATM and in Pataya, it's ATM hunting season all year long. Once you understand that, the game gets much easier. There is a saying you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl. I don't agree with that. Everyone have different personality. Some of those girls would be happy to meet a nice fang that is willing to ignore their past and make a future together, while some other ladies are born hustlers that want to get into your wallet more than you want to get into their pants. There are many varies that I can think of that will determine if she can be a suitable partner for you or not.

mike: 6:49

After this brief introduction to the game and now that you understand the motivation and you have a general idea of the background, I can start explaining the thumb rules that you need to follow if you are thinking to start a relationship with one of those ladies. Those rules are made from my experience and the experience of people I know personally. They are not in any particular order and shouldn't be taken too seriously anyway. Rule number one understand that you are not her first fang that she is seeing. Remember there is a history for everyone. Those ladies work in the bars for years and easy way to know if she knew to the bars in her note is if she speaks this in English or not. If she does, that means she is doing that for some years already. So don't be surprised if she had previous relationship with other fang from all over the world. Rule number two try to avoid drug addicts, and by that I don't mean if she is smoking some weed. They call it ganja over there once in a while.

mike: 7:53

There is a drug in Thailand that called Diaba crazy drug. In Thai language it's look like a pinkish pill. It's a mixture of methamphetamine and caffeine. It's equivalent of crack in the USA, not only by its availability and cheap price, but also because of the damage it's doing to the Thai communities. It's a big problem in Thailand and in the recent years it's become a real pandemic. There is also a white powder that usually named ice, which is crystal meth. Because I want to be as accurate as possible on this subject, I will read you on the effects and dangers of Diaba from a website named Siam Rehab.

mike: 8:36

Effects of Diaba. Immediate effects of Diaba are light headness, which can be followed by euphoria, increased energy, raised alertness and the ability to stay awake for hours and days. At the time, these effects don't last very long, causing the Diaba abuser to take anywhere from 5 to 30 pills a day. From the initial euphoria and alertness, the user may begin to feel irredible or angry. They may have no appetite and be unable to sleep. Nausea, hot flashes, sweating and dry mouth are all short term effects that can appear during the calm down period of Diaba.

mike: 9:20

The psychological effects of Diaba abuse One of the most alarming effects of Diaba abuse and addiction is the mental health problem which can be associated with both prolonged and even short time use. A person may display extreme paranoia or confusion. Anxiety, aggression and violence are all possibilities, which is why Crime often goes hand in hand with Yabba abuse. Rehab centers also reported many addicts experiencing hallucinations or feeling of bug crawling underneath their skin Due to energy rushes. A Yabba abuser may suffer from insomnia and nightmares as a result of extreme highs and lows. Depression and suicidal tendencies are common. If you want to learn more about Yabba and its effect on the users, I will put this link in the show notes.

mike: 10:18

So, for your own safety, try to avoid people that are using it, especially the bar ladies. Also, if there is some kind of drug bust or something like that and you are with a Thai person that have drugs on them, they can tell the police that it's yours and you will be in a huge trouble. The last thing that anyone that visit Thailand wants is to be arrested and charged with drug possession. Thai gels are some of the toughest gels in the world. Rule number 3 Try to avoid alcoholics.

mike: 10:52

When a lady walk at a bar, one of the ways she can make money is by making you pay for something that called a lady drink. Basically, if you want her to sit with you in the bar, you need to pay for her time by buying her a drink. Usually it costs almost double than the drink you ordered for yourself, but make sure to ask her how much a lady drink costs before you order it. The lady can decide what will be her lady drink. So not all lady drinks are alcoholic. Some of them are just soda mixed with some coke for the color, but many of the ladies prefer just getting beers or sank some soda. So because of that, many of the ladies that walking the bars are drinking a lot of alcohol on a daily base. A lot of them are functioning alcoholics and even when they stop walking there, they will still keep consuming alcohol every day. My wife Sunari suffered from this problem and it's a real struggle for us. Although she managed to lower the number of beers she drinks every day, she still cannot go through a day without drinking at all. The alcohol problem can lead to a lot of stress in a relationship and can obviously lead to health problems and even death. I knew a bar lady that died from liver deficiency at the age of 33. If you are suffering from alcoholism yourself, it won't do you any good to stay with another person that also suffered from that.

mike: 12:18

Rule number 4, if she stole once, she will steal again. 95% of the ladies that walk at the bars will never even think about stealing money from you. Yes, they will make you pay for almost everything, but they will never steal from you. If somehow you find yourself with someone of the other 5%, just leave. Don't trust someone that steals from you. It means that they don't respect you and that if they have a chance, they would do everything in their power to take whatever they can from you without even thinking about you for a second. If you catch someone that steal from you, don't give them a second chance. They will definitely do it again. Also, if you find out some girl is stealing from you, tell her that you are aware of her stealing and go speak with the bar owner or the mama son. They will repay you immediately and would also kick the one that stole from you out of the bar. Now, whatever you do, do not I repeat, do not get physical with her. Do not hit her. If somehow police get involved, you will be the one to blame.

mike: 13:22

Rule number 5, try to use your brain, not your heart and your dick. Whenever you feel that you begin to fall in love with a Thai lady that you met recently, stop and think. If you are not a Thai lady, you will be a Thai lady. If you begin to fall in love with a Thai lady that you met recently, stop and think if she is really good for you. It doesn't matter how hot she is or how good in bed she is. Try to think if she is going to be a good partner. Believe me, I know it's not easy, but a good relationship needs to be built on good foundations. Which leads me to the next rule. Rule number 6, have something in common. If you don't have at least few things in common with your Thai girlfriend, it's going to get really boring really fast. But if you have shared interests like movies, books, animals or some hobbies like golf, pool swimming or bowling, there will be something to lean on after the honeymoon period. I find it extremely important to have shared values also, like honesty, loyalty and respecting the elderly.

mike: 14:36

Rule number 7, have something in common If she is still working in the bar. You are not her boyfriend, you are her customer. Also very self-explanatory, but I have spoken with many friends that told me. So what if my girlfriend is working in the bar? She is loyal to me. All the ladies that work in the bars work there for money, and the best money you can make is by going to show time with customers. If you are really interested in being with her, you need to help her find another way to provide for herself, or just tell her to go stay with her family and support her financially yourself. Rule number 8. Love takes time. If she loves you after the first week, it's bullshit. If it's too good to be true, it's probably is. I'm not going to elaborate on that. If you don't get it, you're just dumb.

mike: 15:33

Rule number 9. Avoid age gap as much as possible. Most of the Farangs that I met in Pattaya are going with ladies that are much younger than them. If it's only for fun, I get it, but if you are going to get into a relationship with a Thai lady, do yourself a favor and don't do it with someone that could be your daughter or your granddaughter. Not only it's fucking ridiculous seeing an old, obese, bald Danny DeVito pinging like Farang, wobbling in the streets hand in hand with a gorgeous Thai lady. Try imagining him going back to his country with her. A lot of eyebrows will be raised. There is no fucking way. There is anything in common between those two besides his wallet. Couples that have a smaller age gap will find more things in common between them, they will more likely do things at the same pace and would most likely succeed to stay together after the honeymoon period. Also, there is a greater chance it would look like a normal and accepted relationship to your immigration officer if you do decide to bring her to your country, instead of you looking like a child smuggler.

mike: 16:44

Rule number 10. Be a man. If you take care of her, take care of her children as well. As I explained before, many of the ladies that walk the bars are single mothers that left their children with their own parents so they can go to Patayana provide for their families. If you are in a serious relationship with a Thai lady that have children, don't neglect them. Yes, they are not your children, but you are staying with their mother. Please do whatever you can to make them feel wanted. They already been most likely ignored by their own father and don't have much going on for them in their own life. Be a man, treat them like they are your own children. If you are moving with their mother to your country, try to see if there is an option to bring them as well. Not only it will be tremendously appreciated by her, you would also help them a lot by giving them a chance to go with their mother, giving them a father figure and a functioning family.

mike: 17:44

Rule number 11. Thai women tend to be very jealous. Be careful. I don't know if their fault for this lies on the TV dramas they watch all day on their phones or there is some deep cultural reason for this, but I have never seen anything as intense as a Thai woman's jealousy. Maybe not all of them are like this, but the one I met were fucking crazy. Be careful. They will be very suspicious of every phone call you answer to. They will check your phone when you sleep and will do whatever they can to make sure you are not seeing anyone else. I've seen many couples that get into physical altercations because of their jealousy issues, and by that I mean if Aran gets smacked by his girlfriend at best and getting a beer battle smashed on his bald head at worst. So, in general, just be careful.

mike: 18:39

Rule number 12. She will treat you the same way she treats other people. If she is very nice to you but very mean and derogative to everyone else, stay away from her. It's an act and it will come back to bite you on your fat ass. I have seen this many times on my visits to Pattaya. Again, it's part of the game, but try to observe the way she treats everyone else around her and if she is being a bitch to them, prepare yourself because you are next. For conclusion, I do think that it's not a bad idea to enter a relationship with a Thai bar lady, but it really depends on who you are and what are you looking for, and who is she and what is she looking for, and if there is a real connection between you two more than just sex and financial benefits. Bar ladies are as normal as any other ladies out there. Yes, there are more things you need to worry about before you commit to a relationship with them, but generally speaking, I do believe that, like any other relationship, it does worth at least trying to see if it fits you before you automatically reject it because she works in a bar. Please share your stories with us. We would love to read them. If you have more rules that you can think about, share them with us as well.

mike: 20:02

Now to our second subject of this episode. Many of you guys have been to Pataya at least once in your life, but as someone that have a lot of experience about it. I want to share with you some tips and tricks about Pataya. Tip number one both taxi and grab taxi apps. Do you remember the times you would get out of the bar with a lady or two and you want to go back to your hotel room to make an after party slumber party and you start looking around for a motorbike taxi with the orange vests to take you back to the hotel? And then you have to hug a drunk in order to lower the price from 150 baht to 100 baht just for him to take you from outside of walking street to your hotel in Soibocau. It's really inconvenient and pretty expensive to spend that much money for such a short ride. So in the past few years those apps began to offer similar services for a much cheaper price. Also, it's using GPS, so you don't have to do anything more than a push of a button in the app to take you to the pre-configured location your hotel, for example. Also, many times you would find that it's better to order a car taxi with those apps, which is much safer than motorbike taxi, and it's still cheaper than the price that the motorbike taxis with the orange vests offer. Those apps are great. Personally, I prefer Bolt taxi just because I find its user interface much more friendly. Those apps don't offer their services all over Thailand, but I know for sure they do offer them in Bangkok, pattaya and Phuket.

mike: 21:46

Tip number two don't be afraid to buy your food from street vendors. Generally, they offer the same food that you can find in all the Thai restaurants, minus the food poisoning. The street vendors always sell fresher, cleaner and much cheaper food than the restaurants and, in my own opinion, it's ten times more delicious. Also, if you don't know what a specific vendor is selling, don't be shy to ask him. 99.9% of them are extremely friendly and would happily explain to you what they are selling. By the way, if you don't eat spicy food, don't be shy to tell them. They will gladly make you a non-spicy version of whatever they are selling.

mike: 22:28

Tip number three don't be afraid to try new venues and areas you have never been to before. Many of the farms that I met usually stays at the same hotels and go to the same bars and restaurant for years. I think they are missing a lot of what Pattaya have to offer. It's a big city with many cool venues. You may find yourself enjoying more by meeting new people discovering new places to eat and seeing more of the city. There are great places all over the city in Jom Tien, nak Lua, thucom area and the dark side. So get your ass out of the same old chair you sit in for years in Bilabong Bar in LK Metro and start exploring.

mike: 23:11

Tip number four don't brawl with the locals. This is something that I would suggest not only when in Pattaya and Thailand, but I would argue it's best to follow everywhere you visit in the world. Unless you are in a life or death situation, do not start brawling with the locals. I have seen it happen more than a dozen of times A big drunk pharang that is feeling entitled to scream at a much smaller Thai man, or slapping a Thai lady for some unknown reason. Normally, within 15 seconds you will see a swarm of Thai men surrounding him, take him down to the floor, kicking his face in and breaking his legs. It's not that they hate pharangs, but they hate disrespectful, aggressive pharangs that acting like they are better than them. So just be respectful in any interactions you are having and don't act like entitled piece of shit, unless you want to spend your vacation in a hospital, drinking Tom Yum through a store and shitting in a bag. And remember it doesn't matter how big and strong you are, you cannot take on 15 people, so just don't do it.

mike: 24:17

Tip number 5. Don't drink too much. Tourists that come to Pattaya tend to enjoy the party environment a little too much when they stay back home with their 9-5 routine. There is no way they are consuming as much alcohol as they do when staying in Pattaya. I will admit, when I'm there I also tend to drink way too much, so I'm not judging anyone, but I do know that it's unhealthy and that if you are not used to drink that much on a daily base, you are getting really fucked up, and no one wants to be the sweaty, drunk, loud pharang that is embarrassing himself by being obnoxious and puking in the street. So it's ok to let go a little bit when you are on your vacation. Just don't overdo it. Know your limits.

mike: 25:04

Tip number 6. Don't be scared of lady boys. They will not rape you, unless this is something that you are interested in. Some of the best time I had in Pattaya was in mixed bars that had few ladies and few lady boys. Most of the lady boys are really friendly and funny. Sitting with them is like sitting with your best buddy that for some reason have boobs and try to show them to you all the time. So next time a lady boy is coming to sit next to you in a bar, don't act like you would turn gay just by talking to her. Let her join you, buy her a drink and politely explain to her that lady boys aren't your thing. I assure you she will not get mad and you might have a good time just spending the evening talking and drinking with her, or you will end up with a cock in your mouth. Up to you.

mike: 25:53

Tip number 7. Take a day off once in a while. Yes, yes, I know you planned this vacation for months and you don't want to waste any moment of it, but I've seen pharangs that go full on power for a week and then get burned out and sick, and then they have to spend half of their vacation at their hotel room with a thermometer up their asses, sweating and shitting the liters of alcohol and spicy food they ate for the past week. Relax, buddy, you're not competing with anyone. If you're feeling like you're starting to get a little burned out, take a day off from partying, go and watch a movie at the central festival, or just stay by the pool at the hotel for a day. Believe me, a day of relaxing and reflecting back on your depraved acts of the past week will charge back your twin turbo motor for another week of partying.

mike: 26:45

Tip number 8. Don't leave your drinks unintended, especially in the clubs. You remember that in the introduction to the first part of today's episode, I told you that pharangs are the victims in Pataya. So here's another example. It's not that common, but it does happen. Some people may try to drag you and rob you by putting ruffies or ifenol in your drink. That will make you feel extreme drowsiness and then black out, waking up a few hours later with your pockets empty, feeling desecrated. An easy way to avoid that is don't leave your drink unintended. If you have to go to take a piece or dance with a gorgeous lady that is smiling and winking at you for the past 10 minutes, don't come back afterwards and keep drinking it. Just order a new one. It's cheaper than losing all your belongings and needing to go to your embassy for issuing an emergency passport because you were stupid enough to carry it to the club. 99% of the times I heard it happened, it was in the clubs and not the bars. So be wary.

mike: 27:55

Tip number 9. Book hotels in quieter areas so you can get good sleep. I know when you are planning your trip to Pataya and doing all the necessary bookings while you fantasize about all the perverted things you are about to do there. It's very tempting to book your hotel room in the middle of the action like LK, metro, soy 6 or even somewhere near Walking Street. Don't do that. Not only those hotels usually more expensive just because of their location, they are also in very noisy areas. The proximity to the action doesn't worth that. There are far better hotels that offer much more for the same price, or even cheaper, in quieter areas without all the club music traffic and drunk people screaming all night long. Those hotels are still in a walking distance from all the interesting areas, but far enough so you don't hear that. And if you have issue walking or just prefer being lazy, you can use the taxi apps I mentioned before. It will cost you a maximum of 50 baht to get wherever you want in Pataya.

mike: 29:02

I will mention two hotels that I really like. I'm not getting anything for doing so. Those are just hotels that I like. The first one is KTK Pataya Hotel and Residence located at Pataya Klang Soy 12, a very luxurious hotel that offer many room options. It has two pools, gym, a restaurant, a massage shop and a bar, all on site. All of that for a very reasonable price compared to the things it offers. Also, it has a bus shuttle that going 12 times a day to the main areas in the city free of charge. Another hotel I would recommend is the Corner Lodge. It's, without a question, the best value for money you can get in Pataya, even though it's extremely cheap. It doesn't feel that way. The rooms are nice and cozy, with comfortable beds. It has everything on site a pool, a restaurant and a gym. It's located at the end of Pataya Thai Soy 10, so it's a little bit remote, but I consider it a class and, as I said before, it's still a maximum of 50 baht to wherever you want to go. There is also another bonus if you choose to stay there. It's located a walking distance from one of the best lunges in Pataya, the telephone bar, which I will tell you more about in the future episodes, tip number 10.

mike: 30:28

Pataya can be a family friendly city. In the recent years, there was an attempt to turn Pataya to a more family friendly tourist destination. To make it happen, the city officials pushed the red light activities to specific areas and out of the main areas like Walking Street and Nakrua. The attempt was kind of successful and those areas are almost free of those activities. There was also a lot of money invested in family friendly attractions like water parks, new shopping centers like Terminal 21 and many other places that are very easy to find if you are interested in them. So if you are visiting Thailand as a family with children, don't pass on Pataya. You can have a great family friendly vacation over there without ever interacting with the red light areas.

mike: 31:21

Well, I think that's enough for today. Don't forget to contact us with any questions you might have or any interesting stories and advice you want to share with us. Your email is mytaiwifepod at gmailcom. You can also contact us via all social medias. Thank you for listening. We are uploading a new episode every week, so hope you keep listening to us. Stay safe, bye, bye.