You Can't Please Everyone

Season 1 Episode 11 -- We all have varying degrees of the tendency to be a people pleaser.  In this episode, we look at the wisdom and guidance the Bible offers us on this topic.

(This episode is inspired by the book "The Lies We Believe" by Dr. Chris Thurman.)

"Reflect on This" is the podcast version of short email devotionals I send to my family and friends, where I am sharing the things I am learning about the ways and nature of God, through applying my study of the Scriptures to the world around me.
 
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Music credit:
Be Thou My Vision Interlude, by Sarah Bereza
Sarah.Bereza@gmail.com 

Transcript

“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - try to please everybody.” — Herbert Swope

 I have another confession to make:  I have a tendency to be a people pleaser.  

 What are some characteristics of people pleasers?  They:

• Rarely say no.  Have unhealthy boundaries. 
• Pretend to agree with everyone. 
• Go to great lengths to avoid conflict. 
• Fear negative emotions in others. 
• Feel responsible for how others feel. 
• Act like those around them. 
• Hesitate to admit when their feelings are hurt. 
• Apologize too often, even when they haven’t done anything wrong.
  • Here’s a humorous quote from Dr. Chris Thurman that illustrates this quite well:  “‘I’m sorry I can’t help you move this weekend, but I am having open-heart surgery. Please forgive me.”

 But what is the truth that sets us free from being a people pleaser?

• The fear of man drives us to be a people pleaser, and traps us in an unhealthy way of living.
  • Proverbs 29:25 HCSB  The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected.  
• We have a choice to make:  either seek the favor of God or people.  We can’t do both.
  • Galatians 1:10 HCSB  For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.  
• Christ was the perfect example of not being a people pleaser.
  • Matthew 22:16 NIV  They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. "Teacher," they said, "we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren't swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are.
• Christ calls us to live a life of balance between these truths:
  • Don’t seek approval of others. (Galatians 1:10)
  • “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31) and “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18).

 In summary, what does the Bible say about trying to please people?

•  1 Thessalonians 2:4 HCSB  Instead, just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please men, but rather God, who examines our hearts.

 Dr. Thurman, in the workbook, has this helpful summary statement regarding people pleasing:

 If you truly care about pleasing God and not people, you are at times going to get some hurtful (and even hateful) reactions from others.  When that happens, see it as an opportunity to “participate in the sufferings of Christ.” (1 Peter 4:13)  Jesus was the rejected cornerstone (see Matthew 21:42) and more than familiar with the emotional pain of being treated in a hateful manner.  Those are difficult footsteps to follow as a Christian, but it’s important to do so in order to avoid being a fair-weather fan of Christ.  Like Christ, you are to please God the Father and aspire to have His approval.  

 Today, I encourage you to “Reflect on This.”