Life Skills-Younger Kids

In today's episode, we're discussing teaching social skills to younger children. We'll explore hands-on approaches to fostering healthy relationships, modeling positive behaviors, and guiding children through the nuances of social interactions. Join us as we share valuable strategies to empower your children with the social tools they need to navigate the world around them.

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Transcript

Teaching Life Skills to Younger Kids

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:34

Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us today as we discuss teaching life skills to younger kids. To do that today, I'm joined by Rocky and Amy Lawless hey, Hello. Natalie Goonj Hi there. And Cole Smith, Hello. All right. Since we're talking about life skills for children today, I was wondering for our question of the day if you could travel back in time and teach yourself any skill, what would it be?

Speaker 4 0:56

I really wish I knew how to play the guitar and attempted a couple times in life and never stuck with it long enough for it to be a real skill. But I wish I could play the guitar.

Speaker 2 1:06

Yeah, I'm right there with you. Both my brothers learned when they were kids and they're really good. I've tried as an adult and I don't know something about the brain that doesn't do it anymore.

Speaker 4 1:13

Yeah, my fingers aren't as nimble as I think they might have been when I was 11.

Speaker 5 1:16

I think mine is just endurance. I gave up on things and did, for instance, piano playing. I had the ear for it, I, you know, understood it, but because I had the struggle from eye-hand coordination, I just gave up. And so now it's like, oh man, why didn't I have that? You know, train myself to have that skill of just sticking with it and it'll be worth the hard work. But I gave up too quickly.

Speaker 6 1:42

Who knew we were so similar the hard work, but I gave it up too quickly. Who knew we were so?

Speaker 3 1:46

similar. I wish I could play the guitar too. I'm right there as well. I mean, my younger years was all about sports, and you know now I can't run down the basketball court without hurting a knee or something, and I'd love to be able to just sit on the couch with my grandson and play the guitar with him. But I'm glad he's doing it.

Speaker 4 2:02

So I'm going gonna mix mine up and wish I could play the banjo instead so this week we're talking about teaching life skills to younger kids.

Speaker 2 2:12

So, when it comes to life skills, what age do you think you should start and what skills do you think you should start with?

Speaker 5 2:18

again I'm. I'm just gonna go back to knowing the kid. I mean, my two personal biological children were daylight and dark, so what one would have grasped at? Maybe five years old. The other one didn't until they were seven or eight or so. That that's kind of a hard specific answer well, also, you need to start them.

Speaker 3 2:39

You know, even when they're walking okay, so you can think about your own children. And as they're walking, okay, so you can think about your own children and as they're walking there comes a point to where you say, okay, you know, let's keep walking and quit going back down to your knees and crawling. So I mean, that's just really something so simple. But we start that early with with kids, and then we've already mentioned it in past podcasts about how we have to let them see us do things. So they're watching us, especially in those young ages, what we do, and it's just sad when they say something that maybe we've said, and so we're teaching them that young. So, yeah, and that's important too, because that's going to train them for when they, when we do get kids that are 14, 15, 16, and have missed all those basic skills.

Speaker 4 3:27

And I think we as parents underestimate what our kids can learn. I've seen a classroom full of two-year-olds at daycare drop everything and pick up and clean the entire room because a song started playing and they know that once the cleanup song starts they were ready to go, and the expectation at our house was not to clean up the whole room at that age, and so we had underestimated their ability to get things done and even meaningfully contribute not just practice skills but actually be helpful around the house and so starting things like picking up after yourself, even taking your dishes to the sink you know there's lots of skills that we underestimate at what age our children can learn them.

Speaker 6 4:08

I think the earlier you start, the better off kids are and, just like Amy said, it depends on the child what they can handle. But you have to give them the opportunity to take it in and learn. So, like you said, picking up your dishes, brushing your teeth, putting away toys but the expectation has to be there and it has to be repetitive so that they learn it Right, because then you run into where we're at with some of the kids that didn't have that, and so I do.

Speaker 5 4:37

My flaw is getting frustrated with why do you not understand this? You know what is so hard about it. Well, why would they? Why would they understand the importance of this? Because it was never important. And so then, at the age of 14 and 15, you're trying to retrain that repetition, whatever it is that could have been learned at two or three or four. You know whatever that age is. So you know when you think you've got a house full of teenagers, you don't always have a house full of teenagers.

Speaker 2 5:04

You know when you think you've got a house full of teenagers.

Speaker 5 5:05

You don't always have a house full of teenagers, maybe by age, but not in abilities. You know skills, I guess.

Speaker 2 5:10

Yeah, it just occurred to me while you guys were talking that, as we've been talking about life skills, every age has different skills they need to learn. But if you don't start early, like you guys said, then that just compounds the amount of life skills they have to learn and that might be why some kids get really frustrated when they get older. There's just too much like they're drinking out of a fire hose.

Speaker 5 5:29

Right, because we've had the experiences where we got a 19 year old for six months.

Speaker 2 5:34

Oh, that's a lot to cram in in just a short amount of time.

Speaker 5 5:36

It's overwhelming because about the time you just build the relationship you've already lost the time to build and it's even hard. You know, like two years ago we had two seniors that came their senior year and you only. It's not even a whole year, it's nine months, and so you're trying to figure out where that deficit is on top of. So, yeah, it's very important for parents to stick with these things when they're young, you know, for that future.

Speaker 2 6:03

So what is the best way to introduce and teach these skills to younger kids?

Speaker 4 6:07

Well, I think the best way starts with having them do it with you and doing it along with them, and if you can provide that consistent framework and that consistent expectation that this is what we do, children are happy to go along and spend time and do things with their parents. They're probably begging for your attention anyways, and so now you can use that time to help teach them skills, and that can go a long way. Just that consistent expectation of you know, after dinner we do this After we get out a toy, we pick it up before we get out the next one, and any amount of consistency really goes a long way into introducing those skills.

Speaker 5 6:39

Something as simple, as I've seen what Rocky's done with now grandkids. You know we've learned a lot more since we're in the second gen. But you know, if he's doing yard work, if they're interested in helping, and you're at the hardware store, okay, go get you a rake, get a rake their size. Get a broom their size, get a, you know. And then they, it's so much more important. I mean, hey, they're, it puts a value in them, it's so much more important.

Speaker 5 7:05

I mean hey it puts a value in them. You know just something as simple as buying a shorthanded rake gloves.

Speaker 6 7:09

You know when they can participate in an activity that you're already doing and they have ownership and buy into the activity. Then it's no longer a chore. It becomes almost like a game.

Speaker 3 7:22

Exactly.

Speaker 5 7:23

And so when you want to participate in it, when it's not, and we have one kid in our house right now that, developmentally, is behind, but we have noticed the thrill in him for one, keeping his room clean and then he knows if somebody comes to visit the house which is pretty often his room's going to get checked and it's awesome and like like now he saw we've had him for over a year and for some reason he's taken an interest in the yard and so him and rocky were talking about a specific project and without asking he'll come. Can I borrow those gloves again? I'm gonna go working on did you know? Digging that sidewalk, because let's get that sidewalk done and they're working on and uh, so it's cool. At that age he's learning what he missed.

Speaker 5 8:07

It, you know some of those things he missed out when he was a lot younger because of situations both of y'all said well, they take an interest in what you're doing.

Speaker 3 8:14

But then also, it makes it easier whenever you tell them something. For instance, the same one that was following me out there to unload some rocks off a trailer now is playing with a friend in the front yard with toys, and so he comes in and said I'm getting another toy. I said, okay, before you do that, go get one of the toys you already have out there and put it up. Well, so they're a lot more apt to listen now, because they've seen you, they've interacted with you, they've helped you, they've done all that. So they know that what you're saying must be true, even as simple as go put up one toy before you get another one out. So they'll listen.

Speaker 6 8:50

Receptive to that redirection.

Speaker 2 8:51

Exactly, no-transcript. So I'm assuming with younger age groups they're going to need a lot of support and repetition when it comes to teaching these skills. Is that correct? Yes, exactly. So let's talk about chores. Can you tell me about what ages, along with what chores, you would recommend teaching to different kids?

Speaker 3 9:23

I think Cole already hit on it. I mean, you can teach them even picking up their room, especially if you get down there with them and do it, for you know however long that might take. And then now they know and being aware of, like Cole said also when he went to daycare to see okay, this song came on. Well, maybe we can incorporate that same song at home. Boom, turn it on and then all of a sudden they're in a cleaning model. You know that's what ages you can start.

Teaching Responsibility and Emotional Regulation

Speaker 5 9:51

I even think of. I mean, you've got younger kids right now and ours are not but even the skill of okay, they're not tall enough to rinse off their place before the dishwasher, but to stand there with them, rinse the place off for them and hand it to them and teach them how to put it in the dishwasher, I mean something that simple. Failed at that when my kids were little because it was easier. We were busy. You know, you're busy, busy, busy and it's easier to just do it. You know, and so you know. Then you go back and see, wow, I wished I wouldn't have done that. You know, in certain areas, because they're going to mimic teaching their own kids what they learned at whatever age, and so you know. Then go, okay, I really messed this situation up, so this might be a good idea you know there's value in doing, and so it comes.

Speaker 6 10:41

I think each family has to decide in their own environment what is best. In my home I was vacuuming at four because I really like the vacuum. I still have to vacuum, it doesn't matter, right, right, I go home.

Speaker 4 10:54

You probably like it less now than you did when you were four.

Speaker 6 10:56

I do like it less, but I know how to do it. Okay, but I think you know a three or four year old should have the responsibility and the chore of putting their toys away. That should be part of their, their daily routine. If you have pets, they can be in the routine of feeding their pets.

Speaker 6 11:12

Right, Everybody can put away toys, you know I have. You know, when my nephews were younger they were, you know, on dust duty. Did they do a great job? No, but they would run a dust rag. So they were in the habit of doing those things. Every home can assign their own responsibilities, but they got in the habit of doing that and so I think there's some ownership in it, and so that carries over. The older you get, the more responsibilities you have that you take.

Speaker 5 11:42

It teaches our kids pride in their activities too. Well, they see the value in it when they see a clean house and how that makes you feel.

Speaker 1 11:49

You know the relaxed mental health.

Speaker 5 11:51

Back to mental health. You keep up with these things, your mental health's going to be better at bedtime.

Speaker 4 12:00

Well, at age one and two, our kids were picking up after themselves. When we remembered to help them and our three-year-old takes our dishes to the sink every night. Our at five and six. Our kids are or four and five. They're helping put away their clothes. You know you can give them here's your pants. Take them to their pants drawer. At five and six they can help fold their clothes, and especially when it's theirs drawer.

Speaker 4 12:20

At five and six, they can help fold their clothes and especially when it's theirs, they are taking care of their stuff. You don't have to add a lot of outside pride for them to have some intrinsic pride when they're taking care of their own stuff. So if you're excited that they're coming to help you, they get excited and start beaming whenever they take care of things. And our six-year-old and our eight-year-old can help cook some things. They learn to make sandwiches. They can run the microwave. If our three-year-old could reach the microwave, she would be happy to run it also she wants to press the buttons.

Speaker 4 12:50

It just takes us lifting her up there every time. But our eight-year-old can crack eggs and we've worked with her on following a recipe and so there's lots of things that you know. Different things take more supervision and doing alongside them and, yes, sometimes it's slower than if I just do it and a lot of times my stress is the barrier to them not getting taught, not their stress.

Speaker 2 13:12

Right, and one thing I think is important that none of you guys have said to not do is bribe them to get their chores or whatever done. I fell into that trap with my own daughters. Oh, if you vacuum the floor, you know you can have a piece of candy. And they were more than happy to go do it. But then later I'd be like, hey, would you go vacuum the floor for me? And they're like that costs one candy.

Speaker 4 13:32

Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 2 13:33

So I think that's a easy trap to get caught up in. But from what I hear you guys saying, if you can be present in the activity with them, if you can be positive about it and engaging, then you don't have to bribe them. Does that sound?

Speaker 5 13:46

Well, and I think, though, as they get older, it's not necessarily a bribe, as much as it is teaching the reward of being able to keep a job. So then there's got to be not necessarily an award, but a, you know, as an allowance or something that then they can start, and that's a touchy, I mean, that's a very hard, you know, it's not just black and white, you know, but something then that can train them, that you know.

Speaker 3 14:13

Here is this, because you've taken care of this and done those so you, you do that a little different, so it's not a reward. Hey, if you'll vacuum, I'll give you this. It's now you vacuumed. Uh, let's go get some ice cream. You might not even say you vacuum. They might say why are we getting ice cream? Man? You just everything that I asked you today you did, and I just want to say thank you. It's not necessarily. This is not a reward. You don't have to even teach that.

Speaker 3 14:40

So, yeah, you have to stay away from if you'll do this, because now you're teaching them. When they get older and maybe even get married, if you'll do this, I'll give you a kiss, I'll give you a hug, I'll give you you've just All.

Speaker 4 14:55

The motivation becomes external, exactly, and they've lost their internal motivation.

Speaker 6 14:58

Well, I think part of our role not just specific to our life skills, although it is part of a life skill is that our role as elders is that we have to teach the generation that comes behind us of what's appropriate as citizens, and part of that is how to be a good human being.

Speaker 6 15:18

And part of that is how to be a good human being, and that is that not every action has a reward that is external. Sometimes you do things because it's your duty and your responsibility. Yes, in the environment that we live in, we do have responsibilities that are well as in a shared home. You're going to have chores, you're going to have to clean up after yourself, vacuum, put away your clothes, mop the kitchen floor, right. But we have to teach those things and as you get older, you'll be responsible for those things because it'll be part of your life. And then there'll be bigger moments that you're responsible for too being a member of the society and the community, being a good human being. But we're supposed to model that as members in this small environment, but as the bigger community.

Speaker 5 16:02

Right and how that transfers into a job. Like you know, I'm sorry. It's so frustrating that you've done everything that you can do and you don't get that bonus. But life is the same way. I mean, we did that skill with our daughter in basketball. I said, yeah, you can be the best person on that court during the workout, but unfortunately you don't get the bonus, the bonus of playing tough as much as you think you. But that's, that's part of that understanding and reminding the skill from very beginning. Hey, you're a part of this and you've got to help, even though you don't get a piece of candy, or you know we don't go get ice cream because you got to do it. It's just, this is what we're doing, this is part of it and this is life. Just like a job. Not getting a bonus, not getting you know whatever.

Speaker 6 16:43

But we can teach that resilience Right when we all work together we can help build their resilience so it's not so overwhelming.

Speaker 5 16:51

You know when again, a certain child continues to have walls, and another wall, and another wall, and you just help, help them alongside speaking of overwhelming.

Speaker 2 17:03

One area that I'm pretty big on teaching is emotional regulation to kids. So how would you suggest that parents go about helping their kids develop tools to regulate their thoughts, feelings and emotions?

Speaker 4 17:13

so one of the things and we actually saw this model that our daycare, our daughter, came home and taught us this was that they gave her the tool of just kind of some breathing exercises, and at that age it was breathe in to smell the flower and breathe out to blow off the candle.

Teaching Emotional Regulation and Social Skills

Speaker 4 17:28

Whenever she's feeling upset, you breathe in, you breathe out and take a little time. And then it became our job to help her practice that skill and we found that play and kind of structured games were a good way to, in a safer environment, dysregulate her so that she could practice her regulation skills. She starts to lose at a game, she's starting to get upset. Let's practice our breathing. Let's breathe in, breathe out and practice that emotional regulation. And then, okay, now when you're out playing with your friends and they do something you don't like, before you immediately start yelling, can you breathe in, breathe out, tell them why you're upset and translate the skill you use with us in this little more controlled environment. Now can you go use it when your parents aren't right there telling you to do it, but your friends are still making you upset. And at four years old, at five years old, those are still things that they can work on.

Speaker 3 18:20

And at four years old, at five years old, those are still things that they can work on. And whatever skill that is, even as they get older, allow them to do that. Don't immediately start yelling at them or anything, because they're not going to hear you for one, because they're in that moment. Allow them to go through that. Whatever skill that is appropriate skill, I should say allow them to go bounce a basketball. Allow them to go, just be alone for a second and then go and and let's now, let's talk about it, or whatever. So, yeah, you can, you can, and if and if it's not appropriate, yeah, then you have to teach them more appropriate skills like breathe in, breathe out.

Speaker 3 18:57

Uh, you know, there we've got one kid that um gets just really really upset as soon as he hears a certain voice, whether it's uh and I'll just throw out some different voices, but this specific one is his mom's voice and he gets really dysregulated. And so, just a skill that I said because, uh, I know he likes the rain and he always says something about it's rainy. I like the rain, I like the smell, whatever. And so, as you're talking to your mom, think about the rain dripping down, going down the window going down. You know the sounds that it makes, the smell that there is. See if that doesn't help calm you. And he actually came back and said wow, that worked. I was able to sit there and not get dysregulated during the conversation. And still has, you know those moments, but still he's working on those. So we have to teach appropriate skills. If they have an inappropriate skill, that could hurt them or something like that.

Speaker 5 19:52

One thing that has helped me the last six years, that we've learned so much in our training, you know, is about how the brain works. So you know years ago how the brain works. So you know, years ago when there was an emotional breakdown, you didn't look at it as that because you were looking at the behavior problem. You were looking at disciplining a behavior problem and not so automatically. You know a discipline, you know a physical discipline. Go do this, because you did, you know. And so through the years and just learning for us learning the skills to deal with certain things that you don't think about. So you know again. We'll just use a grandson for an example. He's gone through lots of trauma in the seven years of his life and in one of the training, you know, he was born right before we came here.

Speaker 5 20:35

So all this stuff we've learned, you know it's really helped and I remember one time just being in a restaurant and him just totally losing it.

Speaker 5 20:44

You know he wasn't verbal enough for us to understand what was wrong for him to be, but I learned just enough even at that time that instead of taking him out and spanking him for his behavior, I took him outside and of course he's already just wore me out but I just held him as tight as I could and just kept on it's okay, I love you and just kept holding him and kept holding him, and kept holding him.

Speaker 5 21:05

It took a long time but I could see that it made a difference, and not just calming him, but just that security he felt. But I had to be consistent with that every time I was around him, you know, every time that came up, and sharing that with our daughter and some of those little skills that we had learned that you know. So that was a big game changer for us is learning the reason behind and looking for the reason. You know, not only I mean you have to look for it, to learn from it, you know. So looking for why, instead of just disciplining it because it was a behavior problem.

Speaker 3 21:41

So now he's a perfect child.

Speaker 2 21:46

One of the things I think is important for regulation skills, too, is you teach them in times of calm. The worst time to teach someone a regulation skill is when they're actually having an emotional breakdown. So if you can take those intentional moments just to teach the kids the what did you say?

Speaker 1 21:58

smell the flowers blow out the candle right.

Speaker 2 22:01

Then hopefully they'll be more likely to use it in a time when they are stressed out. So I think teaching basic social skills along with regulation kind of go hand in hand. So what would you recommend caregivers do to start building those basic social skills?

Speaker 3 22:15

Being present, not just saying use the old term, go to your room, be present. Because if you're present then there's the chance that you can talk, that you can be social. If they're not present, go to your room. Now they're not present, there's no chance to use social skills, so you have to be present. And again, I mean we've said it all through this it's all about a relationship.

Speaker 6 22:38

Well, I think, especially with younger kids, teaching social skills is really apparent in how we model appropriate social skills.

Speaker 3 22:46

I agree.

Speaker 6 22:47

Especially with younger kids. They really do pick up on what we're doing, and so if we're modeling what we want to see in our younger kids, then that's a good point.

Speaker 2 22:58

I think if you want an honest assessment of what you are, look at your kid. They will tell you what you actually are like. I think that's it.

Speaker 5 23:05

Yeah, and something as simple as when they get to the age we have is when they're interviewing for that ELP, that life skill mentor that they're going to work with, and having to do a phone call first to talk to this person to ask for an interview. We talk to them person to ask for an interview. We talk to him first and say, okay, this is kind of what you need to say when you get on the phone. It's okay, just breathe, they're not going to yell at you, they're not going to you know, and just that simple talking through that with them. Or don't just say, go clean up your room. I mean, it's one of the things we've assumed with 14 and 15. Okay, you know how to clean your room, but oh no, so you have to go back like they were three or four years old. Okay, this is what I'm talking about. Or is your room done? Oh, yeah, it's done. Come here, let me show you what I'm talking about Again. It's the being present and enforcing it and showing and reminding.

Speaker 4 23:56

Well, this morning, while getting ready for school, we had a not atypical experience where things did not go well and had a hard time getting our kindergartner out the door this morning. But it gave me a chance in the car to apologize for how I had handled it and, without any prompting, as soon as I was done apologizing for how I had handled the situation, he apologized for how he had handled the situation and so you know, if I had said hey, you really owe me an apology for how you talked to me this morning, we could have continued the fight.

Speaker 4 24:25

But since I apologized because I knew I hadn't handled it the way I wanted to handle it, he was very quick to model that also.

Speaker 2 24:33

All right. So safety is a core skill that younger kids need to be taught. So what are some key safety skills younger kids need to be introduced to and taught about, and how would you go about teaching those?

Teaching Kids About Online Safety

Speaker 4 24:42

I think there is the skill of understanding your own personal boundaries and being able to express when someone's making you feel uncomfortable, and knowing who your trusted adults are that you can talk to about that and then also setting with your kids. There's the difference I heard this the other day the difference between secrets and surprises. Secrets are things that you plan never to tell and your secrets are almost always an unhealthy thing. If someone's asking you to keep a secret, a surprise is something someone doesn't know yet and you're excited to tell them eventually, and that can make a big difference whenever someone's asking someone to keep a secret, because that can be a big way in which kids become vulnerable is adults taking advantage and asking them to keep secrets and helping them understand why that feeling you have when this doesn't feel good.

Speaker 4 25:27

this why are we keeping a secret is right, that this is not a good, safe thing to be doing and we call that the uh-oh feeling.

Speaker 2 25:35

Yeah, and you should always listen to your uh-oh feeling. If something feels wrong, then you're right to listen to it.

Speaker 5 25:40

And I even think about hot and cold, and don't touch this and don't touch that. And you try to show them. But the sad part is when they have to learn the hard way and you tell them and they come up behind you and touch the oven door. I mean you know those things, a lot of it, unfortunately. You can try your best to teach, but they're still going to, they're going to, still have those accidents, they're still going to, and then it's working through the accident, like okay, it's, I mean you're not going to do that anymore, but you know. And then go on the other side of it Cause some of those you can't they're going to they're going to do it.

Speaker 5 26:13

I mean, they're going to do some of those things.

Speaker 2 26:16

So, speaking of safety, how important is it to start teaching our younger kids about online or digital safety?

Speaker 4 26:22

It's unfortunately getting earlier and earlier. My third grader has a Chromebook from school that she does schoolwork on. I mean, that's all she does on it right now but they're being exposed early and earlier to the expectation of being online. I think every single one of my kids could grab my phone and start a show on Disney on on any streaming network if they wanted to, and so making sure that they understand that there are safe and unsafe ways to use technology. That, yes, because you're not going to be able to convince them it's bad. They've already experienced too much of the good about the technology and online and the internet. You can't convince them that the place that has all the games in the world is also bad for them, but you can teach them them that it has both, that there are good parts and there are bad parts and how to identify how to be safe versus unsafe online.

Speaker 3 27:06

And it is vitally important to teach it, though the caregiver's parents have to know how important it is to teach it. There's three kids in our youth group that are having not having to, but they're choosing to tell lies to their parent because there's a predator on the other side that is bribing them and now actually asking for money because they did something that they shouldn't have done on social media. So it is so important to teach this. And then that goes back to the safe feelings of coming to your caregiver, to your parent, to your trusted adult. They're going to be more vulnerable with online digital safety if they don't have that relationship where they know that they can come to you about anything.

Speaker 3 27:46

I've messed up, and again, that's modeled because we tell kids and I tell them way more often than Amy does that I've messed up, I'm sorry, and so I have to apologize. I did it two nights ago with two of the guys because I was frustrated with one kid, so I took it out on two others. I pulled the whole home in and said hey, I just want you to know I'm sorry, I handled this wrong, and when you do that, you're creating safety to where they will come to you if they do something that they shouldn't have done on the Internet or wherever. So it's so important.

Speaker 4 28:17

Please hear how important it is to teach that it's so important, please hear how important it is to teach that and then also making sure that you're able to be non-anxious when those problems do come to you, so that they know this is a safe place. If your reaction is big and explosive and scared, exactly and that's probably the last time you're going to find out and if you can stay calm and safe and comforting and willing to look for ways to help them, then they can keep coming back.

Speaker 5 28:41

I think one time I mean some too as they get older, because of course we've got the older kids and in this situation is making them understand, you know, because they'll come in and complain why is our Wi-Fi so stupid? Why?

Speaker 1 28:52

is there so many restrictions?

Speaker 5 28:54

Why every time I do this it gets on, you know. So then you have to go back and say this is why it's for your safety. If we don't have a way to catch this and we cannot see every single little thing that you do or say or receive or whatever on your phone. So there has to be those safety things involved so that when something does come it gets shut off so it doesn't continue. So it's retraining their mind of it's not just a punishment, it's not just a rule, rule, rule. Why are all these rule, rule, rules? Explain, you know, sometimes you have these rules because somebody else messed it up and there's now we got a safety issue. So and then retraining them to understand that's there for this safety reason, not because we're being mean and we don't want you to enjoy how to use your social media.

Speaker 6 29:44

I mean you know it's having those conversations of being honest and explain to them why I think there's a flip side to the digital safety too for our younger kids is that we talk a lot about brain development in our organization is that they just don't have the capacity to understand the full scope of what a digital world means.

Speaker 6 30:05

On one sense that, yeah, there are. There are predators out there that are just looking to take advantage of any opportunity that that may be there for one reason or another. It could be as simple as I want to get somebody's financial information or I want to do harm and, and whether it's a third grader using a Chromebook for school or a 16-year-old who is posting on social media, the opportunity is there for our kids to be vulnerable and we have to be able to share that information age appropriately, that they understand that there are risks available and all we want to do is make sure that we keep them safe and prepare them for what's out there. And, to your point too, rocky, the idea that we have to also share with our kids that we're in an environment where we're all learning together and mistakes will happen on both sides. But if we're sharing and we make sure that it's safe, then we're going to get to a good place and hopefully that's where those relationships are built.

Speaker 2 31:04

So I think there's a role of supervision that comes along with teaching. Safety, too, is that a lot of times, adults and parents use these technological devices as a substitute for a relationship or interaction interaction. So I think we need to be very present with our kids when especially when they're younger, but also when they're older and see what they're actually on, so that we can provide some boundaries and guidance for them. The last thing I want to talk about is time management. I think this can be an area that's a hard concept for our younger kids, but I think it is important that they start to learn time management skills younger ages. So what are some ways that y'all would recommend to help teach those time management skills?

Speaker 6 31:41

I'm a big fan of routines. I like schedules and routines.

Speaker 2 31:45

Me too.

Speaker 5 31:46

Using a timer? I mean I don't know just. Or, like Cole mentioned, learning from the daycare situation. Playing the song. I mean there's that amount of time that a song plays. You know what can you accomplish until the song's over.

Speaker 6 31:59

You know just, you know the basic understanding of an alarm clock, or when this commercial's over, or you've got this much time between the TV show.

Speaker 5 32:10

That's how I vacuum. Yeah, commercial break.

Speaker 4 32:12

One of the things for time management is helping them understand their own priorities and how those fit in with the family or home priorities. We have to do these things first. If you want to do this fun thing next, let's get this done right away, and if you can be consistent on that, it becomes an internal expectation of their own. Like I know that if I come in and do this, then I get to do this for a longer and more enjoyable amount of time.

Speaker 4 32:36

And if I come in here and that was the breakfast argument this morning it evidently took 40 minutes for us to heat up my son's pancake correctly this morning because the way I was touching the microwave was wrong, but it ended up costing him all the fun things he likes to do in the morning before he goes to school, and it wasn't a consequence or a punishment I tried to give him. There was just no time left in the morning. It was then time to go by the time we were done with breakfast.

Speaker 2 33:01

Well, I want to thank you all for joining us today. I hope you learned some super skills to help your younger kids. So join us next week, but until then, remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just remember to get them back.

Speaker 1 33:15

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.