Building Relationships Through- Athletics Part 1

 Encouraging participation in sports offers numerous benefits, including physical activity, leadership development, and fostering a sense of belonging and teamwork among diverse groups. These early lessons in sportsmanship, responsibility, and perseverance prepare young athletes for future endeavors, both in athletics and life.  Building meaningful relationships in athletics, particularly between coaches and athletes, is crucial.   These relationships foster accountability, personal growth, and lasting bonds that extend well beyond the playing field, helping athletes navigate challenges in sports and life. 

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Transcript

Building Relationships Through Youth Athletics

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:33

Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us as we talk about building relationships through athletics.

Speaker 3 0:37

To do that today, I'm joined by Devon Sims, Head Boys Basketball Coach, Head Girls Track and Defensive Coordinator for Football Team.

Speaker 4 0:45

William Schmidt, Coach for wrestling, track and football.

Speaker 5 0:48

Tolita Jackson casework supervisor.

Speaker 6 0:50

Brandon Sanders, athletic director and middle school principal.

Speaker 2 0:54

All right, thank you for joining us today, so let's start by asking our question of the day we're going to kick off. Since we're talking about athletics, I thought I would ask you what would you say was your crowning achievement from school sports?

Speaker 3 1:06

Well, I'm a basketball guy from Palo Duar High School and actually we were the last team of the 10-district title streak, so that was my biggest big accomplishment keeping that streak going alive. And then also my senior year I went for track and we kept a five-year district streak going on as well.

Speaker 4 1:22

Came from a wrestling family my father and my uncles that did it so it's a pretty big deal going to the state championship my junior and senior year in wrestling.

Speaker 5 1:31

All right, I'm going to go back to middle school Lady Sky Rocket. We were undefeated on our sprint relay team for the seventh grade and eighth grade year.

Speaker 6 1:40

I must not have been as good an athlete as these guys, so my greatest achievement in athletics had to be while I was coaching. I coached at Bowie Middle School in Amarillo and we had a track team boys track team that had won city and track in over 30 years, and we took a group, worked hard and they ended up winning city and repeating the next year.

Speaker 2 2:00

Toledo. You said you're going back to middle school. I'm going back to elementary school and mine's going to sound impressive, but it's really not as impressive as it's going to sound. I was the state champion in fifth grade of the high jump for the state of Wyoming. Now it sounds really impressive, but there's only like five people in the event. But we can leave that part out. I'm a state champion, All right, so let's go ahead and get started. We're talking about building relationships through athletics.

Speaker 3 2:29

So maybe it'd be good to define what is athletics. How would you guys define athletics? I would define athletics when the individual used their physical ability to perform any sports or any task. And while doing that, you have to use more than your physical attributes. You have to make sure your emotional is intact, your mental as well as everything you know from your spiritual, and then use all that to get your best results.

Speaker 2 2:47

All right. Maybe it'd be nice to share a personal story about a meaningful relationship that you built with a coach when you were a kid.

Speaker 3 2:53

I would like to kind of got to give this guy a big shout out. His name is Greg Moreland. He was our coach during Palo D'Or. It was not what he also did to me, just how he treated all of us kids. I mean just making sure that we were held accountable, making sure that we came to practice and we knew the game plan as well as just his understanding he told us he didn't treat us like we were freshmen. He got us prepared for what we were expecting to one day play on varsity and become and be taking those next steps to continue a legacy there. He treated everyone the same, whether you were a star or whether you were just getting five minutes on the team, but through all of that we all just showed each other love. Our relationship grew not only as a team but as peers as well, and he's still one of the greatest coaches to this day.

Speaker 6 3:37

Mine would have to be my high school basketball coach also. His name is Russ Gilmore, kind of legendary. He's a really good basketball coach at Tascosa, went on to Hobbs New Mexico, won some state championships there. But what I always remember about Russ Gilmore is he was tough out there on the court but he also pulled you to the side and would explain to you why he was hard on you and what your life would look like moving forward, the discipline he was given he also, if you hadn't shaved, he didn't like your haircut he actually took the time to come pick you up and take you down to Union Barbershop on his own to make sure you got clean. So, like I said, he juggled being a coach and being part of our personal lives and trying to grow us as individuals and young men.

Speaker 4 4:22

Yeah, I've definitely always envied those relationships. When I was in wrestling. I wrestled for eight or nine years and had a different wrestling coach every single year. I don't know if there was just some curse over the sport or something, but no one stuck with the program ever. It really, through that entire time, was my father and my uncle actually, that they were just really supportive of that something that they were passionate about, and they always stuck with us and even did it on their own time. I don't think I ever hardly even missed a meet.

Speaker 5 4:49

I think I would go with Coach Wilson. He was our basketball coach there in Wellington and he was just that kind of guy that you could talk to about anything. He was the coach that he coached science as well, but he was just a coach that you knew you could count on him.

Speaker 2 5:04

So what would you say are the overall benefits of getting a child plugged into athletic activities?

Speaker 3 5:09

I want to say one of the first things that they start to gain Well, one, they're out the house and they're moving around and they're using their like you said, their physical abilities and just staying active. And once you get that, you start building other positivity that come from it. You'll find a kid, another kid that probably can become your friend. You start building those other attributes like leadership, being responsible, learning to listen and all the. I mean there's just many, many, many other things.

Speaker 5 5:34

But it's also like I said, you're just getting involved, you're not just you're not just staying put somewhere On the boys ranch side we have what we call the model of leadership and service and it has six things that it talks about. It talks about safety, belonging, achievement, power, purpose and adventurous. So I think getting kids plugged into sports there's a safety, there's belonging, there's a purpose, there's some power, there's some achievement and adventure. I believe when you can get kids plugged into all of that, a sense of belonging I mean just being a part of a team is pretty cool, regardless of you winning or losing that achievement that you have. It says a lot about sports and what sports covers.

Speaker 6 6:15

And to kind of jump on where Ms Jackson just said, team, when I coached and even my own kids, I always told them this is like opportunity as a young person, to work with people from different backgrounds, different cultures, different beliefs, people that don't look like you, people that aren't from the same neighborhood, and so I feel like it's your first experience on how to come together and have goals and work together to attain goals with people that maybe in your regular life you probably wouldn't do that with.

Speaker 4 6:46

It's kind of interesting in the atmosphere we're on out here. You might not be able to work with a kid that long. You don't know exactly how long you're going to get them. You know you might not be able to train just you know a state champion athlete, but I think you can prepare them for the challenges that life will throw on them after they leave. So I don't know if all the listeners know, but the Cal Farley's mascot is the Rough Riders and I think that's really suiting because I mean it's life is not smooth sailing, I mean it is a rough ride. And so I think, as a coach or you know anyone in this role if we can teach them that there's going to be adversities, there's going to be challenges, but I mean when you get knocked down to get back up, think if we can teach that through the athletic program we've done our job well.

Speaker 2 7:30

All right. So I'm guessing that at different ages you're focusing on different things. So what should parents be focusing on at the different age levels? Let's start at like, from three to five. What do you think is a good thing parents can work on with their kids?

Speaker 5 7:45

Have is a good thing parents can work on with their kids. Have fun, have fun yeah, someone that has coached Kids Inc at that age group. It's just to have fun. Teach kids how to share with others, be patient you know just those little basic skills, but it's mainly just to have fun. I think you sometimes have parents that at a track meet or at a soccer game like they think it's the state championship and it's like your kid is just there to have fun and they really want their kid to be like pay attention to the coach. They're three.

Speaker 3 8:09

They're worried about those snacks more than they're worried about the snacks.

Speaker 5 8:12

Yeah, the butterfly in the field, stuff like that. They're not. The snacks are important. The snacks are very important.

Speaker 2 8:18

All right. What about from age?

Speaker 3 8:19

six to eight, I would say have fun still, but make sure that they're getting the fundamentals down a lot during this age as well as you can make sure their motor skills are as developed as where they need to be with the other kids around. But have fun is still important at this age, I believe.

Speaker 5 8:35

I agree.

Speaker 2 8:35

All right. What about from 9 to 12? Do they like the sport?

Speaker 6 8:39

Kind of the same thing. My daughter, when she was in sixth grade about this age, or actually In this age range she was a good athlete Tell her that. But she played everything up until she was probably fourth grade and then didn't want to play basketball and whatnot and so came back, just left her alone, didn't push her. So I think it's important that parents don't push them, even though you think they could be really good at it or you used to be good at it. Don't push them because you think they should. Let them decide. Let them come back. They might not ever come back to it, but I think it's smart just to don't push them. Let them come back. Let them make their own decisions on what they can play and what they want to play, moving forward.

Speaker 3 9:18

What else like that? At that age as well from 9 to 12, you also got to know if your kid is interested in the sport and if they haven't started participating they're behind. So this is the age time where they got to get going. I had a friend who didn't start playing basketball really until sixth grade and he did not catch up until about our senior year. By that time it's kind of too late. So just make sure that around this age they're getting involved.

Speaker 5 9:41

I also think, too, still having fun with the sport, because I think sometimes when kids I'll just use our middle daughter, for example basketball was her sport and we ran with that, but we were doing a lot of AAU summer leagues and it became a job and she wasn't having fun anymore. And so I think we still got to keep in mind, even if that child is good at that particular sport, they still need to have some balance and have fun in other things and not make it a job.

Speaker 4 10:07

I think it's important too to realize that you know it's not set in stone. You can still try new things at that age, I mean nine through 12 parents that enroll their kids in gymnastics or something for a season or you know something that the kid maybe shows some interest in, and then if they try it and they don't like it, well you know, that's it. But this way you know they they're getting kind of a more overall, overall picture of what sports are and, you know, get to maybe pursue some interests that you know they think would be fun.

Speaker 2 10:34

So at about 13 to 15,.

Speaker 3 10:36

Mr Leader, is starting to become a job. Now this age is I mean, especially if you're in school, you're having coaches who are working for it. This is their job, and this time you got to start taking this seriously, like this is something that you want to do. If this is something that you want to get involved in and want to be part of it's time you start learning about teammates and learning about you as an individual. So, yeah, it's time to get going.

Speaker 6 11:00

At this age, I believe this is exactly what Coach Sims just hit on, and this is the time where it gets really intense. You should be striving for kids to be competitive, because if they're in athletics at this point in time, like, hey, you need to compete, you know, just because you're tired or just because you don't feel good this day, like it's almost like it, I feel like it's laying the groundwork also for kids and careers one day, because this is school and if you're in athletics like, in essence, they're your jobs and and so you know it's what. What are you going to do? Are you going to wake up with a headache and just decide you're not going to do anything? Is this going to hurt? And so I feel like this is the time where it picks up and they need to, they need to be competitive and they need to be working hard day in and day out.

Speaker 4 11:43

In this area too, like it really is just kind of trying to prepare them for their later life. You know you might not have job at 13 per se, full time, but you will. You know you are competing and this is something that you're going to treat with the determination that you should be having in your later life. I mean 2 Timothy, 4, 7, fight the fight, finish the race, keep the faith. I mean it applies to all aspects of your life. Are you just going to? You're just going to give up because maybe it's not fun anymore, or are we going to go through? We're going to give it our all and again? I mean I think by this time probably a lot of us had I mean I was putting in probably 30 hours a week on average to sport and everything, and it's just part of the grind, but it prepares you for I mean just for the grind that real life is going to be.

Speaker 5 12:27

No, I do agree. This is the other part. It becomes a job because the life, the lessons that you learn at this age is the lessons that you take into the workplace being on time. You know if practice starts at seven and you show up at seven, you're already late. This teaches you how to take redirection, just like you're going to take redirection from your supervisor. This teaches you how to have teamwork. There's going to be some team members you're going to get along with and there's going to be some team members you don't get along with. How do I work that out? How do I work conflicts out that I have with others?

Speaker 5 12:59

This is a time where mom and dad can't come speak for you. Most of the time you need to go talk to the coach and talk to the coach about, maybe, the struggles that you're having, or what do I need to do to get better, or what, whatever it might be. This is a time where you grow up and use those skills that you learn in sports for life, like we've all mentioned and then, finally, what about age 16 to 18?

Speaker 2 13:21

I suppose?

Speaker 3 13:21

for parents at this age. This is it's. You got two hands. If you have a child that's an athlete and they're as good as the way they can go to the next level. You got to start actually having those talks and those considerations of OK, this is what's going to happen. And then I think one thing that needs to be talked about the sacrifices that it takes to go to the next level. Have worked extra shifts for work just to get their kids to AAU tournament, or parents who are driving their kids 15 minutes just to make sure that they're going into strength and conditioning.

Speaker 3 13:55

These are the times where it is based on not if you're not, you're going to the next level or you're just getting prepared for is your team going to be? Are you going to be part of a state champion team? Are you going to be part of an all district team? Are you just going to be part of a culture that continues to not excel? There's just a lot of sacrifice at this time because you are again being putting yourself into a career where you're leaving a legacy, whatever you're going to do. So, again, as far as what your parents should be thinking on this level is, again, what do you need to do to help your child to continue to succeed, because I mean at this point these last two, three years. This is it for most of them. So what are you doing to make sure that your child had got everything done and what else is needed for them to finish?

Speaker 5 14:36

I also think, too, this is a time where parents have to be honest with their kids about their responsibility as well. We have a lot of kids that think they're D1. Are you showing D1? Showing D1 material? You know, and just like I mentioned earlier, you know, if I got to go in and wake you up to go to practice, I got to make sure you have all your stuff for practice. That's you're not D1 material. You know, you're just just getting by Like you got to take some responsibility. I believe you got to focus on okay, this is what I need to do to get to the next level as well, and what that may look like.

Speaker 6 15:10

I guess, sitting next to each other, you read my mind, because I feel like at this age you have a lot of people that aren't realist at times. You either have the kids that think they're D1 and they're not college athletes, or they're NAIA, and sometimes you have the parents that think their kid is a D1 and they are D3, which nothing is wrong with either of that. We tell kids, and I always tell kids hey, wherever you can go, compete and continue on and get as much as your college paid for, that's what you need to do, whether it's D1, d3, nai, whatever, that's what you need to do. Yes, juco, whatever. But I just feel that it is important, just like Ms Jackson said, that everybody is realistic about what they can do if they can go to the next level, or if they can't, they need to just pour their all into what they have while they're here in high school also.

Speaker 2 16:00

So that's what I believe. I think that's an important point. Overwhelming majority of kids who play high school athletics are not going to go on to college, and that's okay. But being honest about that, I think, is real smart go on to college and that's okay.

Speaker 4 16:12

But being honest about that, I think is real smart, yeah, isn't it? Something like two percent yeah, it's two percent of high school athletes end up going to that next level and then another. Even what one percent of college athletes end up going pro or something.

Speaker 4 16:21

So yeah, I think I think it is important to be realistic.

Speaker 4 16:24

You know, and I also I kind of call that 16 through 18, the, the burnout, the burnout numbers, sort of thing. I mean by that time you know you have been going hard to sport and you know a lot of times kids have picked, you know, quote their sport by the time they get to this age. And so I think it's important for the parents to be encouraging of, hey, this is something we put time in, this is something that we've dedicated to, let's, let's not give up just because we're frustrated. I mean, we all know of the athlete that didn't play a senior year, didn't play, you know, quit midseason, just got frustrated to coach, or something. I think that really sets the tone for life. If you look at where they're at now, if those habits follow, follow with you, you know it's not going to be good if you're just your boss says something to you and you know you just storm off during practice and don't come back. So you know you just storm off during practice and don't come back.

Speaker 2 17:09

When it comes to coaching. How important is relationship building with your kids and what are some of the best ways you've seen to build relationships with the kids on your teams?

Speaker 6 17:18

Well, I think it's vitally important. I mean you're asking kids to push and you're asking kids to run gassers and you're getting on kids when they haven't turned in their schoolwork or haven't given effort in school, on the field, on the court, whatever they can take that a whole lot better. I mean you got the hardheads, you got the ones that will do whatever, you got the kids that need extra motivation and I feel like it goes a whole lot easier. They're more apt to listen to you without getting frustrated if you do have some kind of relationship with them. Now, what that relationship is and how you get it, I mean it can just be you are constantly having a conversation with them every day. Every day they walk in hey, how's it going? I feel like the little things like that is what builds in and makes a relationship with so many student athletes.

Speaker 3 18:07

I always go back to being accountable, holding kids accountable. Kids are kids. I mean, I was. I'm not going to sit up here and say I was the greatest middle school kid. I did my dirt, I made some substitute mad. I never, well, I didn't do some of the crazy things, but I've done stuff to where I know that I need to be held accountable. And I will say that from the time where I was in athletics I knew my coaches were going to hold me or my peers accountable and, yeah, I may be frustrated with them or I didn't like it, but now that I'm grown, or just even a few hours later, I knew and understood why they did that.

Speaker 3 18:40

And just that model of consistency even going, starting from middle school and then ending that high school, I mean I'll tell you I got better with it.

Speaker 3 18:47

I can tell you my senior year where it's OK. Now we need to make sure we're focusing more on, we're taking care of what's going on in practice and not having to handle having to worry about your misdemeanors and what you did in school. Those are wiped away by my junior and senior year because as the level got higher, the more I knew I needed to make sure I was on my P's and Q's, for not only me but for my teammates as well. So I didn't have to be an ISS and miss a game, or I didn't have. I wasn't waiting on to see if I was going to pass a class that was already being taken care of, but it was just that model, consistency of being held accountable. So, again, how you do that, it's multitudes of ways, but just making sure you gain those relationships with a kid and they'll do anything for you. When a kid knows that you love them, you care about them, you do, they'll, like you said, they'll run through a wall for you.

Speaker 4 19:32

Yeah, just just to add on that. I've used this quote before and I mean I'll use it again. Theodore Roosevelt. He said people don't care what you know until they know what you care. I mean so you can. I mean you can have the best strategies you can have, not, you know, looking for the long-term for them, then you're just really not going to get, you're not going to get the performance that you're looking for. I think the more amount of time you can spend, the more amount of quality discussions, even things not about sports, other interests that they have, I think those are things that's going to build a relationship between the two of you and just really allow for some of that synergy on the court that coaches look for.

Speaker 5 20:12

Relationship is key to all that we have and you definitely see it out here on campus. Our coaches are not just a Monday through Friday. Let's do Friday night lights, let's do the basketball court or the baseball diamond. You will see our coaches that will go up to the home check on the kid, see what's going on. So that relationship is key. It's just not I only care for you when you're at the complex. I care for you when you're outside the complex, when you're struggling. I want to be there to help you.

Speaker 2 20:36

Yeah, I think that makes all the difference. Would you guys be willing to share a personal story about a meaningful relationship that you built through athletics?

Speaker 3 20:44

I work at boys right, so just stepping outside is building a meaningful relationship. I think one of the coolest things about being out here is, once you know you gain those relationships, you don't even have to go to the homes. These kids come to you and sometimes you want your personal space, sometimes it's like all right. I mean, you see that bond, you see the growth of not only through those kids but through you, and it makes yourself better. One story I will share is just how I have at least I can say, more than 15 kids numbers, former athletes and who still call me to this day just to check on me or just want to hear my voice or just want to like I feel like I'm that old coach now.

Speaker 1 21:26

I just want to hear you Sorry.

Speaker 3 21:28

AD, I just want to hear you. Sorry, ad, but just knowing that that's what life is right now. It's more than us winning gold balls now. It's more those meaningful relationships that you know that's going to last a lifetime.

Speaker 5 21:41

You really don't know what kind of relationship you may be instilling in a kid. You don't know what you may be doing for a kid, but I've coached Kids Inc for several years and I had a young man that was on my track team for like three years in a row. Didn't think I was doing anything special, just being the track coach. He came up to me last year doing cross country and I heard Coach Jackson. Coach Jackson. I turned around looking to see who was talking to me and he comes up to me and he's just like gave me this big hug and he was like I enjoy running so much because of you. You were very encouraging, he said, and I was not the best runner and I know, that he said but you always put me in, you always encouraged me.

Speaker 5 22:21

You didn't say, hey, let's set this one out. You still told me to get in there and do my best. You ran around the track with me and it was just really cool to see him come up and say all those positive things when I just thought I was out there just having fun with the kids.

Speaker 6 22:35

Kind of along the same lines as everyone else, like you don't realize what you've done until you know I coached 11 years in Amarillo and those guys I'm old, so a lot of those guys are, you know, late 30s and whatnot right now. And so I mean they have their own families that you know, they have careers and whatnot, and so I always find a whole lot of pleasure out of running into these guys and they have their families and I get to talk to them and they remember stuff you know the gassers and the snakes and all that but they can do it with the laugh and they can impersonate me. And then the best part is when their kids have heard about me and they, oh, this is the guy that made y'all do this, and so so I always enjoy those conversations and I really feel good about what we've done with kids when I run into them and we have the walk back.

Speaker 4 23:26

Yeah, it is definitely always good seeing seeing some of your athletes that make it like I'm not haven't been in it as long as these guys at all. But even having kids that maybe come from a tough situation don't have parents of their own that are in their lives and saying, hey, would you escort me out during senior night, where the parents usually do Stuff like that really gets to you emotionally when they kind of view you as that older mentor role and stuff like that. It's more than a coach. I mean, you're kind of part of the family and I think that means a lot.

Speaker 2 23:59

All right. Well, thank you all for being such a good sport and joining us today. And remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you remember to get them back.

Speaker 1 24:07

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. Get them back. Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.