Building Relationships Through- Athletics Part 2

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Transcript

Lessons From Embarrassing Sports Moments

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:33

Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us as we talk about building relationships through athletics.

Speaker 3 0:37

To do that today, I'm joined by Devon Sims, head boys basketball coach, head girls track and defensive coordinator for football team.

Speaker 4 0:45

William Schmidt, coach for wrestling, track and football.

Speaker 5 0:49

Toledo Jackson casework supervisor.

Speaker 6 0:51

Brandon Sanders, athletic director and middle school principal.

Speaker 2 0:54

All right, thank you for joining us today. Let's go ahead and get started with our question of the day. In our last episode, I asked you what your crowning sports achievement was this week, I want to know what your most embarrassing sports moment was.

Speaker 3 1:06

Senior year second game of the season. We are playing against Emeril LaHaye, of course, a bitter rival Going back and forth. Come back in the fourth quarter. We have the lead. We are up by four, but I want to say one to two seconds left with the ball, somehow we have a timeout. Come back out with six players on the court. We get a timeout. Come back out with six players on the court. We get a tech. They knock down both of their free throws, so they're down by two. Somehow they got the ball back, which we found out they weren't supposed to. And then this kid gets a get the ball. He gets the ball at half court, shoots a fadeaway, three going out of bounds hits it and we lose. Oh man, yeah, go, sandy. No, never that.

Speaker 4 1:41

Terrible. So setting the scene Senior night Wrestling duel against our rival school Just classic thing Go out Pretty even matched. Guy Went out Just clearly overconfident. I was going to try and hit him with a bicep toss. It's a pretty cool looking throw in wrestling. You know it was a crowd pleaser. The stands were packed, might have even had a girlfriend in the audience or something like that. So I thought, oh, I'm going to throw this guy, get him in the air and then just ended up getting taken right to my back and I, just as I was getting pinned, I'm looking at my coach on the sideline just heading his hands and yeah, not a good time, that's rough.

Speaker 5 2:17

Okay, back to middle school. My family and I had just moved to Oklahoma and was trying out for basketball. Coach asked me if I knew how to play basketball. I wanted to show him off my skills. Thought I was doing pretty great. Got the ball headed down court. He started yelling what are you doing? At that time I did not know that girls basketball was only half court in Oklahoma where you had three players on one end and you had your post at the other end and you were supposed to pass the ball to them for them to score.

Speaker 2 2:44

That's very confusing. I would have probably done the same thing.

Speaker 5 2:47

Yeah, who's supposed to know that?

Speaker 6 2:49

I actually have two and I'll make it brief. When I was in seventh grade, I was running in the 110 hurdles in a track meet. I was actually winning. I had friends and family up in the crowd and I remember looking up because they were cheering. I up because they were cheering, I thought I was going to win. Tripped over the next to last hurdle, got skinned, arms were pink. All that Ended up getting last. That was the beginning of my embarrassing career, my senior year in basketball. We were playing Randall High School. I tipped in a ball to go up by one with about seven seconds left and we were up by one and then went down the court and fouled a guy and he made two free throws to win, which I went. My teammates said I went from a hero to a zero in seven seconds. So, uh, those are my embarrassing moments.

Speaker 2 3:35

Yeah, mine, I'm pretty tall, so I think people assume I'm gonna be good at basketball, but I'm actually pretty terrible and no one ever passed me the ball because I could not dribble. But one kid actually made the mistake and I made the mistake and he must not have saw me and passed me the ball and I was so excited to get it. I started dribbling and I dribbled down the court and I scored, but it was in the wrong basket. I scored for the other team, so no one ever made that mistake again to pass me the ball. How does sports teach kids to handle conflicts and differences among teammates, and how does that translate into helping them when they get out into the real world?

Speaker 6 4:05

Any kid that I coached they'll tell you this was a topic I'm not even gonna lie. Sometimes I get a little emotional talking about it because I really feel like sports and teams are the ultimate like they prepare you for so much later on. It teaches you how to problem solve. It teaches you how to deal with others people that you like, people that you probably don't like but you have to figure out a way to work hard and work hard together so that you are successful in all of that. I mean beginning in whatever grade I especially think in middle school. Like that you're laying the groundwork. Especially there it trends to your adult life.

Speaker 4 4:46

You know one story that I kind of like to bring up. This was two years ago. We had had a young man graduate and he just went right from high school into the Marines. And so you know, this is a kid. We're, you know, all wondering how it's gonna go. He gave me his, he gave me his address and I was writing him letters while he was in boot camp in the Marines and he was writing me letters back and just talking about you know all the crazy stuff they had to make him do. It was funny. He got back, we had him come to one of our wrestling practices and just talk to the kids and we said so how was it? He's like you can make it through a season of boys ranch wrestling. You can make it through basic training in the Marines.

Speaker 4 5:22

And so that to me was really reassuring. I mean, if you're able to have the determination, the stick-to-it-ness to get through this, I mean it directly translates to your life outside of high school, and so I still think that's pretty interesting. If you can last a wrestling season, you can get through that.

Speaker 3 5:40

So growing up, I played basketball my entire life. I had two different teams. I had the school route, uil, horseman, palo, duro, as well as the AAU Emerald Gator route. I would tell anyone that the Gator route was just a lot more fun because that's when I got to learn a lot about myself, because I wasn't with my same peers that I was seeing every day in school to see how someone who came from a rich background would handle situations. Or just having those conversations where we're in the hotel rooms or just growing up and just being able to venture out all over the places. Like through basketball and through that route I actually found out that I was a leader and I that I could become uh, that I wanted to become a coach, uh, one day.

Speaker 3 6:20

But I want to go back and, like you said, learning, learning about different backgrounds and other people and how they handle things. And then you go to college and then you meet new people as well and then you become into this world. I mean you don't most people who want to stay in that comfort zone. They're going to stay in the same places and that's kind of hard trying to tell people who come from my background, like man, get out, go see the world. Go get out of Amarillo, go stop going just to Dallas like go and see the world because it's so fun and it's so beautiful. There's not not everybody in the world is just scary. So sports can allow you to do that, especially if you're good at it, especially if you have the team that can go out and help you see the world. It'll change your life.

Speaker 5 6:57

Well, and I think also too, people see conflict as a negative thing, and conflict is not. It's how you handle the conflict. That can be negative, but we all deal with conflict. You all do every day in your life and it's how you handle that conflict will determine the outcome. I think by playing sports, you're always dealing with conflict. You may have a conflict with how the ref may make a call, with your coach, with your teammates, with the fans. How you deal with that teaches you how to handle situations in life, and sports is a great way to learn. How am I going to get ticked off at the ref? I can do that. The outcome may not be great. Or am I going to just breathe, listen and move down court?

Speaker 2 7:40

So what advice would you give to a parent who has a child with a lot of God-given natural talent?

Speaker 4 7:46

I think it is important in this setting that the athlete recognizes the importance of being a team player. I mean, in all aspects of life there's going to be things that you're able to do alone. But if you really I mean you know, if you're trying to make some really big accomplishments, you know you're going to need a team. You know whether that's in a business or whether that's you know you're going to need, you're going to need a team. You know whether that's in a business or whether that's, you know, on the court. I think is, you know, synonymous really. So you know, iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another. If you're just trying to do the whole thing alone, I mean you're not, you're not passing, you're not, you know, to the real world.

Speaker 3 8:26

This one was always a touching one. I had a guy, a cousin, who just had just God-given talent just everywhere Basketball, football, kidding. He did soccer, which was weird from growing up with us, but play soccer and everything he did was great, and the one thing that I can say looking back at his life was just to be be aware and just to listen. I feel like as parents, you have to make sure that you're giving your kids the right directions of people to go to and, even when they're not listening, just making sure they stay with those people. If there's someone that is in the way you got to get them out, if there is someone that is holding them back, I think that's one of the craziest things I've seen is a lot of people who do have God-given talent but they waste it for the most part. Then use it. So as a parent, I would just say just make sure. It is not your fault. That talent was wasted. It was literally we did everything that we possibly could and they chose their direction.

Speaker 2 9:18

Yeah, I've heard hard work beats talent. When talent doesn't work hard and so many times I've seen kids with that natural talent they'll rely on it and think that they don't have to do that extra work and then you know that can get them through middle school. But once they get to high school the others catch up pretty quick. What type of advice would you give to a parent who has a child who's maybe really excited about athletics and sports but doesn't have that natural athletic ability?

Speaker 5 9:40

As a parent, be honest with your child, be honest with your kid. I mean be honest with your kid I mean like there may be other things that they may be good at and focus on that. I mean everyone can't be the Michael Jordan, everybody can't be the Jalen Hurst and stuff like that. Do what you can do, have fun with it, help out the way you can help out with that sport. But I think be honest with your child about do what you can do and listen to your coaches and give it 110%. That's all you can do.

Developing Leadership and Community Engagement

Speaker 6 10:09

I think when you have a kid, that is not that athletic like I think what you try and do, it like kind of what Ms Jack said you're honest, but also you remind them if you're going to do this, if you're going to participate, then you need to give your all. I've seen plenty of kids that weren't athletes, and I mean middle school push and, push and push, and these are some of the same kids that were on our silver teams in middle school. I mean they're going off to Oklahoma Pano State and other places because they worked hard, they became a little bit more athletic and they spent a lot of their time not being very athletic, so that outworked everybody. So it can all turn. It's what the kid puts into it and it's it's what the parents do to help get them there also we can go back and see how good I mean.

Speaker 3 10:53

Some of y'all may know this, but how good was, like michael jordan, those kobe brons and tom brady's when they were in middle school because, like I said, I've seen I had multiple friends who were just far behind, but man, it was some suckers that they worked hard to get to where they finished. Now I'm not saying that they went to college and played at the next level, but you do hear those stories. But I think it really determines how much work, how much are you going to put in. So when your friends are all, I mean we're all at the house and we're playing video games and we're on 2K at eight o'clock at night, well, where are you?

Speaker 3 11:24

I know a guy. I'm going to give him a good big shout out. His name is DeAndre Williams from Palo Duro. I know plenty of stories where they've said he woke up at four o'clock in the morning at Hamlet and was at Hamlet Park every day. And if you didn't think that transpired all the way he played, for he was an NCAA tournament. I don't know how gifted he was in middle school. He's fast, he's quick and he used everything he needed to get to where he wanted his goals.

Speaker 2 11:46

I feel like one of the best outcomes of being involved in team sports is the development of leadership and responsibility. What are ways you would recommend to families or even other coaches to help develop these attributes?

Speaker 5 11:57

I think, as a parent, letting the coaches do their job and not getting involved as a parent, because my child is probably totally different with his coaches than he is with me, and so the coaches might see some leadership skills or some responsibilities that he may display there and I think they can work on that leadership and responsibility of teaching. Like I said, I think, just sometime, letting the coaches they see what they see on the field, they see what they see on the basketball court, on the track field. Let them do their job as they teach our young people responsibility and leadership.

Speaker 2 12:31

I think that's a really good point, because sometimes we as parents, we have just this one view of how the kids are and they maybe act a certain way around us, but the coaches see things that we don't always see and they can sometimes get things out of the kids that I know for my daughters. They'll do things for their coaches that they'd never do for us, and I think that's a powerful point you made.

Speaker 3 12:48

As far as how we can recommend for coaches not even just our coaching staff, but all of them. I mean, we got to make sure that we know that we are the leaders. We may ask kids to be the team leaders and stuff like this, but we have to set the tone of our expectations. I hate saying that now Our standards for our teams and for our athletic program and for the families as well as coaches, when we all make sure that, okay, these are our standards, this is what we want to make sure. We got to make sure that, again, accountability and responsibility is put.

Speaker 3 13:16

So again, if we're saying that we're going to be here at eight o'clock, let's make sure coaches, we make sure we're 30 minutes earlier than that. Let's make sure that when we are saying we're going to clean up, is it just one or two people, consistent people, or are we going to make sure we're all cleaning up? When we are saying that we're going to hold everybody disciplined, Are we holding the? Are we not holding the superstars discipline? Are they able to say and do everything? We all have to make sure that this is a family and that whatever we say, we're going to do we all have to be a model consistently with it.

Speaker 2 13:50

Something I've always found fascinating is how communities rally around a team. Do you see this as an opportunity to help get kids plugged into their communities, and how do you see this as a win-win for?

Speaker 3 13:53

both the community and the kids. I mean, we see this even from bigger cities, all the way to smaller towns. I went to a six-man clinic and you can tell just which ones who are all in for their teams and how impactful sports is. If kids, if you can, if kids go to a game and they see that their people, their community is around them, supporting them, that's just going to make them want to do more. If you've been to a opposing team to their home field and if their whole crowd is all loud and screaming, you know a sense of like dang, this is what we have to play against. I mean. So that just builds that extra, like you said, a win-win. Not only do you see that going all the way around as far as the school goes. If a kid sees that the community is there for them and the community is working with the teachers and the teachers are working for the kid, that's just all three. I call it the triangle system of how community makes a kid grow, but everyone has to be involved.

Balancing Sports, Family, Academics, and Life

Speaker 3 14:39

Everybody has to be a part of this, for this to all work.

Speaker 6 14:42

Well, I have a prime example of that kind of what you were talking about, coach, and this weekend at team camp I mean it's a small group of people there to watch kids play, but I was really proud of the girls' community came and supported and I mean it didn't matter if a girl made a layup, they were cheering like they shot the game-winning three of the game and so I felt like, and our kids played really well and I felt like I could look at them. They were excited when they did something well and they got that applause and the support from the people in the stands and so it is important that your community is involved and there for the kids.

Speaker 2 15:21

I think Cal Farley has a pretty famous quote that says if a kid hits a home run and no one's there to see it, does it really matter? And I just think that what you said is so important that the kids really do care. They're always looking to see who's supporting them. I think in a previous podcast we talked about this a little bit that a kid who has that secure attachment they have 30 plus positive adult interactions a day, whereas a kid who has insecure attachment has less than like eight positive adult interactions a day. And I just see a community pouring into kids like that as just such a great way to give them that security of attachment. So to have a successful team you have to have a good culture in the locker room. So how do you develop that and how does that translate to kids in life outside of sports?

Speaker 4 16:02

Going off of what Coach Sims said, if you're the leader as a coach, you're going to be in that role, and so it's important that you're leading by example in that. If you're, I mean I tell the kids that I coach. If I'm not going to expect something that I wouldn't do myself, you know, if I expect the kids not to cuss, then I'm not going to be cussing in the locker room, even if you know ref calls, a bad call, whatever, I'm going to keep level headed. If I'm expecting them to be level headed, I'm expecting them to give it their all. I'm going to be giving it my all. I'm going to be making sure that I've got a plan. I'm going to be making sure that I'm running it to the best of my ability If I'm expecting them to run to the best of theirs.

Speaker 3 16:35

I think not translates in a locker room. It's just everywhere the way us coaches, as we dress, the way we can talk to each other, the way we talk to other coworkers. Our kids see that and we can't ask again, can't ask for them to do something and we do differently. So we have to be on time, we have to make sure that we are busy as we are. We got to try to make sure we get our work done, turned in, and if we ever and I think this is one of the hardest things as coaches when, when you are tired or if you are a little lost or you don't think, besides pouting about it, maybe you go to your ad and probably ask for help, or you go to somebody and ask, like, for just a break, heck, take a day off. But I mean that's, I mean that's realistic for for anybody. But it does translate.

Speaker 4 17:13

Everything you do, everything you do, translates back to your locker room, to your, to your kids only thing I'd add too, is it can be pretty hard as a coach if you got a kid that does something out of line. Just if we expect the kids not to put each other down, then we need to make sure that we're not putting the. You know, if we you don't need to take an athlete to the sideline and just you know, give them some instruction. You know, tell them something they can work on, that's great. But I mean, if you're publicly putting kids down and stuff like that, I mean what, what the kids see they'll do, they're seeing you get on the kids and screaming at them, then well, that's the attitude you're going to have with the whole team.

Speaker 2 17:45

Yeah, we have a coworker here. He always says culture eats strategy for breakfast. So you can have the best talent, you can have the best plans, but if you have that negative culture in your locker room a lot of times, you can have the best team and still lose everything because of that.

Speaker 4 18:00

I could maybe share a brief bit of history that I thought was pretty good. Do you all know about the actual Rough Riders? So that's our mascot. But you guys know the original Rough Rider group early 1900s, led by Theodore Roosevelt actually. So at the time the US was at war with Cuba and just wasn't able to make any advances. I mean, it was an island, it was hard to get to.

Speaker 4 18:21

So Theodore Roosevelt ended up putting together an elite group of soldiers that he called the Rough Riders. Now I think it's pretty interesting because he didn't just get you know your average band of military, but he thought the more diverse he could have the group and he picked people from all these different backgrounds. So he picked a lot of people from Ivy League schools that he went to when he went to college, picked people that he recently freed slaves. He had fighting with them. He had cowboys, he had Indians for their horsemanships.

Speaker 4 18:47

Because he brought in all these people from these diverse backgrounds and used all those talents, they actually did the first successful land invasion and ended up winning the war with that. So I just think that's so symbolic when it comes to Boys Ranch and who we are, because we've got kids from such a diverse amount of backgrounds, but we're able to come together, rally together, pull off our strengths. You know some kids are really great leaders, some kids are really great followers. You know we just pull in all these positive attributes and I think that's what makes you know, that's what wins Wins not only you know the battle, but the war of just trying to get these kids to be become better young men, young women too.

Speaker 2 19:23

So it seems like kids today are super busy and sometimes it feels like maybe they even have too much on their plate. Can you give some examples of how you've seen kids successfully balance their sports, their family life, their academics and their other responsibilities?

Speaker 3 19:35

You're gonna have to make a sacrifice somewhere in there. So somewhere as far as your peers are all going out to the movies and having fun and stuff like that. I mean, are you going to take some of that time away? But just make sure you're not taking the important stuff away, those family times away, your academics and, like you said, it balances sports. I mean you probably have to sit there and actually get an agenda, talk to your parents, talk to your coaches about what you should and what you can do.

Speaker 3 20:00

But some of that fun stuff, depending on what you're trying to do in life, some of that fun stuff you are going to have to take away and sacrifice it. But as far as your school and your family life, do not take those away. There are so many times where I can only imagine where I wish I can go back and just have those moments with my family, Because when those times are gone, you're in college, You're a grown man. I promise you, if you have a dad in your home, he ain't trying to bring you back in. So just enjoy those times.

Speaker 5 20:23

I think, as a parent, I would probably want to find out exactly why is a child trying to keep themselves so busy? What are you trying to avoid by just filling your time up? I think also, too, like Coach Sims was saying, you're only in high school for a short period of time four years. You have the rest of your life just to keep yourself busy with all other kinds of responsibilities. I think you have to stop and think what's important at that time. Sometimes that may mean a kid missing a baseball game to attend grandmother's birthday. You know, and I know, that's hard for kids because they're like the team's counting on me, but your family's also counting on you as well too, and so I think we have to find that balance as parents to be able to say to a kid I know this is important to you right now and I know it may feel like it's the end of the world if you're not at that basketball game, but I promise you you'll be okay to be able to attend this family function.

Speaker 6 21:12

That's exactly right, I think. The word is you have to prioritize Like it's same thing. Number one might be your sports this week, but next week might be something with your family life, or it might be academics you have standardized tests the next week. So I need to focus on this, and so I think, to success, successfully balance all that stuff in your life, they need to learn how to prioritize, and it's a good thing to know moving forward, because throughout life, you're going to have to prioritize.

Speaker 4 21:40

good thing to know moving forward, because throughout life you're going to have to prioritize. Yeah, like Mrs Jackson was saying, I feel like when you're in high school everything is just so important, like every even little decision. So sometimes it does take the logical brain of a parent to say, no, we need to go to your aunt's birthday party, or no, we need to. You know, you got the ACT tomorrow morning. We're going to be going home from this tournament a little bit early. You know it seems like a big deal, but you do look back and you know it is the right decision. I think parents, like Athletic Director Sandra was saying, they have to prioritize for the athletes.

Speaker 2 22:10

sometimes All right. Well, thank you all for being such a good sport and joining us today. And remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you remember to get them back.

Speaker 1 22:19

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you, thank you.