Everything I Needed to Know About Dealing With Misunderstandings I Learned From Three's Company

 Misunderstandings, especially with kids from challenging backgrounds, often lead to hurt feelings, guilt, and shame, necessitating proactive teaching of emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and empathy. By modeling curiosity, emotional awareness, and constructive problem-solving, parents can help children navigate conflicts effectively and build healthier relationships.  
With help from the Classic TV show Threes Company we will discuss how to help families navigate times when we  misunderstand one another.

Contact:
podcasts@calfarley.org

To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T

To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/

For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/

Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the special bonus episode of Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. Instead of our usual format, we are dedicating this episode to sharing heartwarming, inspirational and perhaps even tear-jerking stories, from moments that bring a smile to your face to anecdotes that tug at your heartstrings. We are here to share stories that might make you laugh, cry or simply fill you with a renewed sense of hope. Let's celebrate the many facets of parenthood together. Now here's your host, joshua Sprung.

Speaker 2 0:33

Growing up in the 80s and 90s, my mom would never let my brothers and I watch the show Three's Company. We were always quickly sent to our rooms or she would change the channel anytime it was on the television in the living room. However, in the summertime, when she was at work and my brothers were home alone, we had free reign over what we watched on television. We didn't have cable, so we would watch whatever we wanted, as long as it was on NBC, cbs, abc or PBS. You know, we watched the normal things. Good Morning America. The Price is Right Days of Our Lives At around 11 am.

Speaker 2 1:03

Reruns of Three's Company would come on and because it was forbidden fruit, my brothers and I would watch it every day.

Speaker 2 1:09

As a kid I never really understood what was so bad about this show, but now, as an adult, I get why my mom banned it, even though it is extremely mild by today's standards.

Speaker 2 1:19

What I found funniest about the show was how every episode had some bizarre misunderstanding. Usually Jack and Chrissy would be in the kitchen and Janet would walk in and she'd only hear a small part of the conversation. She'd misunderstand or think something super inappropriate was going on Probably a big reason why my mom didn't like me watching the show. Other times Janet and Chrissy would be in the living room and Jack would walk in and hear what he thought was the two of them saying something very hurtful about him. He would run out of the house and go mope with Larry Dallas at the Regal Beagle and because his feelings were hurt he would become super passive-aggressive towards Chrissy and Janet, which would in turn hurt their feelings. But because it was TV land and by the end of every 22-minute episode they figured it all out and they either hugged it out or had a good laugh about it.

Speaker 2 2:03

If only this is how it worked in real life. My boss and frequent contributor to the podcast, suzanne, recently shared with me a quote she found on the internet. It was from an eight-year-old girl named Megan, who said I feel bad because I hurt your feelings by accident, and now my feelings are hurt and I don't know how to fix the feelings. Megan's quote is very understandable because it is something we all deal with on a regular basis. I think that the reason the Three's Company story formula struck such a chord with people and was so popular it is so relatable. In our day-to-day relationships with our spouses, friends, families, co-workers and kids, there are often misunderstandings and feelings are hurt unintentionally or by accident. This frequently happens with kids, especially the ones who come from difficult backgrounds, because of their histories and the fact that they have poor social skills and regulation skills. Kids cause these misunderstandings when they say and do hurtful things, often without thinking, and then one of two things usually happens. One, we as parents get our feelings hurt and then we react, get counteraggressive and, out of emotion, say and do something back to the child that hurt our feelings. In turn. It's the old saying hurt people, hurt people. Or two, the child later realizes what they said or did was hurtful and they have big, large feelings of overwhelming guilt and shame. Because they often have never been modeled how to make things right. The only thing that they know how to do is to internalize those feelings, which can cause them more distress. So what can we do about this?

Speaker 2 3:34

First, curiosity is always important when it comes to understanding our children's behavior. Being observant and aware of any changes in the behavior can provide valuable insights into their emotional and psychological well-being. Often, what may initially appear as misbehavior or defiance could be a manifestation of an underlying issue or an unmet need. By taking the time to explore these changes, even in small ways, we can uncover the root causes behind their actions. The deeper the understanding allows us to respond with empathy and compassion rather than reacting impulsively out of frustration or misunderstanding. Here are some key points to consider Recognizing signals Children often communicate their feelings and needs through their behaviors. Changes such as mood swings, withdrawal, irritability or sudden defiance can indicate an underlying emotional distress, stress from school or other social situations, or even physical discomfort, and being attuned to these signals helps us address the underlying issues effectively. 2.

Speaker 2 4:27

An empathetic response, instead of just jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst. Approaching behavioral changes with curiosity allows us to empathize with our children's experiences. It's important to listen actively, validate their feelings and assure them that it's okay to express themselves openly. This creates a space safe for them to share their concerns and fears without fear of judgment or punishment. Three we can avoid blame. When we understand the reasons behind their behavior, we're less likely to resort to blame and punishment. Instead, we can focus on problem solvings and finding constructive solutions together. This approach encourages accountability while fostering a supportive relationship based on trust and mutual respect. Four seeking professional guidance. In some cases, persistent or severe changes in behavior may indicate the need for professional intervention. So consulting with teachers, counselors or healthcare professionals can provide an additional insights and support to addressing complex issues affecting your child. And then five, teaching emotional awareness. By modeling curiosity and emotional awareness ourselves, we teach children the importance of understanding their own feelings and those of others. This skill helps them develop emotional intelligence, which is crucial for navigating relationships and managing conflicts effectively for navigating relationships and managing conflicts effectively. In essence, curiosity not only helps us decipher the reasons behind behavioral changes, but also strengthens our connection with our children. It enables us to approach parenting with empathy and understanding, paving the way for healthier communication, problem solving and emotional growth with the family dynamic. The principles of Sama and the assisting process, which we discussed in an earlier podcast please go back and check that out for some really great information are also great tools to support kids through these misunderstandings and hurt feelings. When you take their concerns seriously, they are more likely to be open and willing to try and make things right. When you use the Assisting Process or the Principles, you can join their concerns and follow the issues to their root, and once we understand what the root is the misunderstanding, we can help lead them in a more beneficial outcome. Another big part of our job as parents is to be proactive in teaching our children regulation and social skills. These skills are critical because they equip our children with the tools that they're going to need to navigate conflicts and misunderstandings effectively. So here's some key aspects to consider Teaching emotional regulation Help children understand and manage their emotions, teaching them techniques such as deep breathing, counting to 10, or taking a break when they feel overwhelmed or upset.

Speaker 2 6:49

By learning to recognize their emotions and respond to them in healthy ways, children can avoid reacting impulsively to tense situations. We can also teach them conflict resolution. Teach our children how to resolve conflicts peacefully and constructively. Encourage them to use I statements to express their feelings and perspectives without blaming others. Role, play different scenarios with them so they can participate, learning actively, finding common ground or negotiating solutions. You can also teach empathy and perspective taking. Fostering empathy in children by encouraging them to consider other people's feelings and perspectives, help them to understand that everyone experiences emotions differently and that their actions can impact others. By practicing empathy, children develop a deeper understanding of social dynamics and are more likely to approach misunderstandings with compassion.

Speaker 2 7:33

We also need to teach communication skills such as active listening and assertiveness. We need to show them how to express themselves clearly and respectfully using Thank you. Guide children through the process of problem solving step by step. Encourage them to identify the problem, brainstorm possible solutions, evaluate the pros and cons of each option and choose the best action. By empowering children to take an active role in finding solutions, you build their confidence in handling challenges independently. We also need to make sure to teach them to set boundaries and teach respect. Teaching children about personal boundaries and the importance of respecting others will help them understand that it's okay to say no and assert their own boundaries in a respectful manner. We have to encourage them to recognize and respect the boundaries of their peers and family members to maintain positive relationships. We also need to support children in developing positive social skills through playdates, group activities and structured social interactions. We need to encourage them to practice sharing, taking turns and cooperating with others, and provide them opportunities to learn how to make friends, solve conflicts and navigate difficult social settings. By actively teaching and reinforcing these skills from a very early age, parents empower their children to handle these misunderstandings and conflicts with resilience and maturity. These skills not only benefit the children in their interpersonal relationships, but also lay a strong foundation for their emotional and social development throughout life.

Speaker 2 9:05

Lastly, I think it's important to teach redos. Making redos a normal part of a daily life is a valuable opportunity for both children and parents to repair misunderstandings and strengthen relationship. A redo is, when you have a kid or us as adult, redo a situation that where we messed up. It's a good way to learn from our mistakes. Redos allow children to learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment. When a misunderstanding occurs, offering a redo gives them a chance to reflect on what went wrong and how they can approach the situation differently the next time. This process encourages self-awareness and growth. It also helps build resilience.

Speaker 2 9:39

Resolving conflicts through redos helps children develop. They learn that it's okay to make a mistake and that conflicts can be resolved with patience and understanding, and this builds their confidence in handling challenges and setbacks in the futures. Misunderstandings can also strain relationships, but redos offer an opportunity to mend them. By acknowledging mistakes and actively seeking to make amends, children learn the importance of empathy, forgiveness and reconciliation, so this fosters stronger bonds and trust within the family. Redo's also provide a structured way for children to practice emotional regulation. When emotions run high during a conflict, taking a break and then coming back to try again helps the children calm down and approach the situation with a clearer mind. This promotes better decision-making and communication skills.

Speaker 2 10:23

As parents modeling the use of Redo's demonstrates healthy conflict resolution skills to our children. By admitting our own mistakes and demonstrating a willingness to make things right, we teach them the importance of accountability and humility in relationships. Incorporating Redo's into our daily routines creates a positive, supportive environment at home. Children feel more comfortable expressing themselves and taking risks, knowing that mistakes are part of learning and growth, and this encourages open communication and strengthens our family dynamics. Implementing Redo's effectively involves setting clear expectations and boundaries, offering guidance and support during the process and emphasizing learning and growth over blame and punishment. By making Redo's a regular practice, parents empower their children to navigate conflicts constructively and build healthier relationships both at home and in their interactions with others.

Speaker 2 11:11

So if you're around my age or older, I hope you enjoyed reminiscing about the late 1970s, early 80s television classic. If you're younger than me, you probably have no idea what Three's Company is, so you might be a bit confused. So I apologize, but I would highly recommend checking out the show because it really is hilarious and a great way to learn about navigating misunderstandings. Just don't tell my mom. I told you that. So until next time, remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you remember to get them back.

Speaker 1 11:40

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.