Building Trust and Adventure in Family Life

 Today, we're tackling a challenge every parent faces in the digital age: moving our kids from screen time to outdoor adventure. In a world dominated by devices, getting children to engage in real-world activities can feel like an uphill battle. But it's not just possible—it's incredibly rewarding. We'll explore practical strategies to create compelling alternatives to screens, share tips for fostering a love of outdoor adventures, and discuss how these experiences can build trust, foster growth, and create lasting family memories. So, let's dive in and discover how to turn off the screens and turn up the adventure! 

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Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
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Transcript

Parenting Through Trust and Adventure

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the special bonus episode of Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. Instead of our usual format, we are dedicating this episode to sharing heartwarming, inspirational and perhaps even tear-jerking stories, from moments that bring a smile to your face to anecdotes that tug at your heartstrings. We are here to share stories that might make you laugh, cry or simply fill you with a renewed sense of hope. Let's celebrate the many facets of parenthood together. Now here's your host, joshua Sprott.

Speaker 2 0:33

You may be surprised to know this, but when I was a child, I had a drug problem.

Speaker 1 0:37

Yes.

Speaker 2 0:38

I'm sure this is very shocking news, and even more shocking is the fact that it was 100% my mom's fault. And the most shocking part of all is that my drug problem was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. The problem that I had was that my mom drugged me to church, she drugged me to the movies, she drugged me to concerts and plays and she drugged me to soccer practice and she drugged me to family events. Now, I was not always the most pleasant child when she was dragging me places, kicking and screaming, and most of the time all I wanted to do was watch DuckTales and read comic books or play on my Game Boy. So I would grumble and complain the entire way whenever she was dragging me Probably not surprising to anyone listening to this, but probably whenever I got to where she was dragging me, I typically ended up enjoying it. The funny thing is, now that I'm an adult, when I look back upon my childhood, it's all the events that I was drugged to have become my most cherished childhood memories. Not only that, but now I attend church on a regular basis. I love to take my wife out on dates to movies, plays and concerts, and anytime there's an adult intramural activity, I'm jumping right into it and I also look forward to helping plan out extended family activities. But had it not been for my childhood drug problem, I might still be living in my mom's basement content to live out my days, playing video games and binge-watching DuckTales on Disney+.

Speaker 2 1:57

I've always been fascinated how beautiful Cal Farley's model of leadership and service is. If you want to know more information, please go back and listen to our series on the Model of Leadership and Service. We talk about how safety is the core and without feeling safe you won't allow yourself to be drug anywhere. Encircling safety is belonging, achievement, power and purpose. All of these essential needs can only be experienced and enhanced when kids are safely exposed to new and novel activities. It has been my experience that kids are more willing to join into activities that help develop these values when they have a safe, secure adult who's willing and excited to expose them and encourage them through these fresh experiences. Genuine passion is contagious, so if you're excited about an activity, then your kid is going to be more likely to jump into it with you. Which brings me to adventure. I love how adventure wraps around the entire model. I've always believed that adventure is the glue that holds the model of leadership and service together. To me, adventure breeds the hope that today and tomorrow can be different than yesterday. So when we provide and encourage participation in adventure-based activities, we're helping better expand our child's capacity to hope that life can be better. Adventure is also a wonderful conduit to build stronger relationships. When you have shared experiences, you can't help forming bonds, shared memories that you can reflect and reminisce on.

Speaker 2 3:15

Building trust with kids to encourage their participation in new activities is a delicate and rewarding process, and it's achievable. With the right approach, the process can be enjoyable and fulfilling to both you and the kids. So here's how you do it. First, you have to establish trust through consistency. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, so you have to start by consistently meeting their needs and being there for them. Show up when you say you will and follow through on your promises. Trust is built over time through reliable and predictable actions.

Speaker 2 3:45

Next, we need to listen and validate our kids' feelings. Take the time to listen to their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Validate their emotions and let them know that you understand. This creates a safe space where they feel heard and respected, making them more open to trying new things. Create a safe space for open communication by starting to create an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and emotions. This means being present and attentive and putting away all the distractions like phone work and giving them your complete, full attention. Make sure that they know that their feelings are important and that they are valued.

Speaker 2 4:20

We also have to practice active listening. Active listening goes beyond just hearing words. It involves fully engaging with your child and what they're saying. Show interest through eye contact, nodding and verbal affirmations like I understand and tell me more about that. And reflect back what they've said to show that you're paying attention. It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated about this. We also need to avoid immediate judgments or offering solutions. When a child shares their feelings, resist the urge to jump in with solutions or judgments. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective. Statements like I can see why that upset you, or it is okay to feel that way. Show empathy and validation. This helps them feel that they're heard and taken seriously rather than dismissed. We also need to make sure we validate their emotions. Validation is key to building trust. Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don't fully agree with their perspective. Say things like I understand that you're feeling nervous about that or trying something new or it's okay to feel angry about that Now.

Speaker 2 5:19

Validation doesn't necessarily mean you agree with everything that they say. It means that you respect their right to have those feelings. We also need to ask open-ended questions. Encourage your child to express themselves more fully by asking open-ended questions. These questions can't be answered with a simple yes or no and they invite a deeper conversation. For example, you can say what makes you feel that way or how can I help make this easier for you.

Speaker 2 5:44

We can also show empathy and understanding, putting yourself in your child's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and experiences. Phrases like this must be really hard for you or I can remember feeling the same way when I was your age can help bridge the gap between your experience and theirs. We also want to reassure and support them. We need to reassure our children that their feelings are valid and that you're there to support them. Offer comfort and encouragement, letting them know that it's okay to feel uncertain and scared about new experiences. Your support can give them the confidence to take those first steps.

Speaker 2 6:17

We also need to be patient and non-reactive. Children may test our reactions by expressing extreme emotions or opinions, so we need to stay calm and patient, showing that you can handle their feelings without overreacting. This builds a sense of safety, knowing that they can share openly without fear of negative consequences. We also need to make things fun and engaging for them. Kids are more likely to participate in an activity if it's fun and engaging, so incorporate elements that interest them, that make their experiences enjoyable. For example, if they love music, find ways to include music into the activity. The goal is to make the experience appealing and enjoyable. We also need to be a good role model, so we need to show enthusiasm and passion for the activities ourselves. Genuine excitement is contagious. When kids see you enjoying an activity, they're more likely to want to join in, participate alongside them whenever possible, turning the activity into a shared adventure. We also need to celebrate small wins and acknowledge and celebrate their participation in any progress they make, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement boosts their confidence and makes them more willing to continue and celebrate their efforts and achievements. To encourage ongoing participation, we also need to establish a routine. Establishing predictable structure and routine will help kids know what to expect and what's expected of them, and then they're more likely to actually cooperate. Consistent schedule provides a sense of security and makes it easier for them to engage in new activities if they know what to expect.

Speaker 2 7:45

We as adults need to be patient and persistent. Building trust and encouraging participation takes time. Expect resistance and be prepared for it. Don't just give up after a few rejections. Keep encouraging them and gently but firmly. Persistence pays off and over time they'll become more willing to try new things.

Speaker 2 8:02

So you may be wondering what does it mean to drug kids into activities? Maybe I should start with what it is not. It is not getting into power struggles. I had established in a trusting relationship with my mom, so she was able to drag me places with less resistance because of that trusting relationship. However, I do think it is possible to strongly encourage our kids to branch out of their shells in kind but firm and encouraging ways. And the way to accomplish this is to first establish and build trust. We build trust by meeting their needs and showing up consistently. We build trust by not giving up after a kid rejects our offer to try something new. They may say no every time you ask them something, but if you stop asking then you might miss a time when they finally do say yes. We build trust by slowly dosing activities.

Speaker 2 8:47

Start small. If your ultimate goal is to get a kid to go on a trail ride, first, maybe drive by a horse barn and point out that there's horses there. Then you can stop by the horse barn and see if you can maybe pet the horses. Next you can arrange a time to stop by the horse barn and see if they'd allow you to feed the horses. Eventually you might even get to the point where the kid is the one asking to go on a trail ride. So we build trust by establishing and enforcing predictable structure into routine. When kids know what to expect and what is expected of them, they are more likely to cooperate with our expectations. Having a consistent daily schedule whenever possible will help build that trust.

Speaker 2 9:21

When it is followed, I think it's even harder for us parents today because, left to their own devices, kids will probably choose to only play on their devices. Parents today must be even more aware and proactive to facilitate activities for our kids to join into. Aware and proactive to facilitate activities for our kids to join into. It can be very easy for us to fall into the trap of being content that they're just being quiet or not bothering us when they're glued to their electronics. We may rationalize or justify letting them off the hook because we think it's just going to be easier for us, the reality is that it may be easier in the short run, but in the long run, when we fail to give our kids new and novel experiences, we're robbing them and ourselves of these shared experiences that are the building blocks of a real and true relationship.

Nurturing Real-World Engagement for Kids

Speaker 2 10:02

One of my favorite Cal Farley's quotes is what's good for kids is sometimes hard for adults. I think it is only harder, though, in the short term. If we stick with them, then they will eventually stick with us. You may be surprised to know this, but in today's digital age, encouraging our kids to engage in real-world activities is more challenging than ever, and the fact that it's 100% our responsibility as parents to ensure that it happens. Despite the allure of screens, fostering a proactive and engaged lifestyle for our kids can be incredibly rewarding for both them and us.

Speaker 2 10:30

So here's some ways that we can do that. We need to be vigilant and intentional. In a world dominated by digital devices, it's easy for kids to get lost in their screens. So, as parents, we must be vigilant and intentional about creating opportunities for real-world engagement, and this means actively seeking out activities that interest our kids and planning ahead to make them happen. We need to lead by example. Kids learn by observing us. If we want them to value and participate in activities outside of their devices, we need to lead by example.

Speaker 2 11:00

Show enthusiasm for family outings, for hobbies and social events. When they see us getting excited about these activities, they're more likely to get excited as well. It's good to establish technology boundaries. Set clear and consistent boundaries around screen time. This isn't about being restrictive, but about creating a healthy balance. Designate tech-free times and zones in your home where the focus is on interaction and engagement, and encourage your kids to be present in the moment. We, as adults, also have to create compelling alternatives. Offering compelling alternatives to screen time could be anything from outdoor adventures, sports, arts and crafts to family game nights and reading together. From outdoor adventures, sports, arts and crafts to family game nights and reading together.

Speaker 2 11:38

The key is to find activities that capture their interests, imagination and providing a fun, engaging break from their devices. To do that, you have to plan regular family activities. Make family activities a regular part of your routine, whether it's a weekly movie night, a monthly hike, a seasonal tradition or baking together. These shared experiences create lasting memories that strengthen family bonds. It's also important that we encourage social interactions. We need to encourage our kids to spend time with their friends in person, arrange play dates, sign them up for group activities and support their involvement in clubs and teams. Social interaction is crucial for their development and helps them build a meaningful relationship outside of the digital world. We also need to be persistent and patient, understanding that transitioning from a screen-heavy lifestyle to a more active one is not going to happen overnight. So we have to be patient and persistent. There will be resistance, but don't give up. Consistency is the key. Keep offering and encouraging participation in those real-world activities, and we have to emphasize the value of these shared experiences. We need to help our kids understand the value of these activities. Talk to them about the fun and meaningful moments you've had together and how these experiences can strengthen your bond.

Speaker 2 12:46

Highlight the joy and satisfaction that come from spending time together and trying new things and you have to make it a family effort. You have to involve the whole family in the planning and participating of the activities. When everyone is engaged and everyone is excited, it creates a positive and supportive environment. Each family member can take turns suggesting and organizing these activities that foster a sense of ownership and enthusiasm. Then you need to reflect and adapt, see what is and isn't working. You have to be open to adapting your approach based on your kids' interests and their feedback. The goal is to create a dynamic and enjoyable family culture where everyone feels involved and everyone feels valued, knowing that this is a process, not an event. Do not expect this to go smoothly right away. In the short term it may actually get harder before it gets easier, but if you stick with it in the long run it will be worth the effort.

Inspiring Adventure Through Parenting

Speaker 2 13:35

I'll close with a short example of what recently happened in my home. Our Sunday school class was holding an ice cream social and we had to force our kids to come. They grumbled and they complained the entire way to the event. Interestingly though, as soon as we arrived they saw some of their friends. They saw the food, the ice cream, which is the best way to a teenager's heart. They saw that my wife and I were right there with them, so it wasn't long before they were chowing down on ice cream sundaes and hanging out with their friends and having a great time On the car ride home, one of my daughters, out of nowhere, made the comment.

Speaker 2 14:06

you know that wasn't as lame as I thought it was going to be. I don't know about you, but I took that as a super high compliment. So I would encourage you not to be complacent in your life. Strive to find new and novel adventures to get into and get passionate about them and, most importantly, drag a kid or two with you on them.

Speaker 1 14:23

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.