The Family That Plays Together Stays Together

In this episode, we discuss the importance of adults being actively involved in children's activities and maintaining a positive attitude. They emphasize that simply standing on the sidelines won't build meaningful relationships or create positive memories. When adults engage in activities alongside kids, they model vulnerability and resilience, showing that it's okay to try new things or fail. The hosts share personal stories about playing games they initially disliked, but their positive attitude encouraged kids to have fun regardless. Spontaneous activities can lead to lasting memories and deeper connections, often becoming moments children reflect on for years. The key takeaway is that participating with enthusiasm and openness helps build stronger relationships and makes activities more enjoyable for both kids and adults.

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Transcript

Building Stronger Relationships Through Recreation

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.

Speaker 3 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to continue our discussion on how families can build stronger relationships with their kids through a healthy recreation life. To do that, I'm again joined today by Shelly Miner, director of Youth Activities, jenny.

Speaker 5 0:41

Jackson Youth Activity Coordinator.

Speaker 6 0:44

Kale Dabling Youth Activity Coordinator focusing on outdoor recreation.

Speaker 2 0:48

Amy Fry, Youth Activity Coordinator and Pool Manager.

Speaker 3 0:51

Well, thank you guys for joining us. Let's jump into our first question of the day what is your favorite outdoor game to play?

Speaker 6 0:57

Now you're saying game or activity.

Speaker 3 0:59

Either one Ultimate.

Speaker 5 1:00

Frisbee for sure, ultimate Frisbee.

Speaker 6 1:02

I like disc golf, but then skiing and kayaking are up there.

Speaker 2 1:06

I like softball, even though I haven't been able to play in a long time because there's no softball teams that I have found around here.

Speaker 3 1:13

I like capture the flag Again. Way too competitive at that, but I love capture the flag. So how important is it for adults to be involved and have a positive attitude about the activities that we're having the kids participate in?

Speaker 6 1:25

I think that's key. If you're just on the sidelines telling kids what to do, then the object will get done, but if you want to have a positive interaction with them and with benefits that will reap more later, get in the game.

Speaker 5 1:40

Yes, it's absolutely imperative If you're wanting to build those relationships, if you're wanting it to be a good experience overall. It's imperative to have fun and recreation with adults and the kids, and with that is the adults having a positive attitude. If the adults are, well, I'm just going to do this for 10 minutes and then I'm going to go do da da da. Sometimes it's like, well, what's what's the point? If the adult is like, well, this is a ridiculous game. I don't like this. I don't know what's worse the kid going oh well, I didn't know whether it's going to be fun or not. Or if the kid is like, well, that was my favorite game. I guess it's ridiculous and you're not gonna play with me. I'm not sure which one of those would be worse. I guess it's ridiculous and you're not going to play with me. I'm not sure which one of those would be worse.

Speaker 6 2:27

I think it's important to the adult to be vulnerable in an aspect. So like, if we go kayaking or skiing, I'm good at it, I'm really really good at it. But playing basketball, I'm lucky if I can hit the backboard. So when we have our preads and we're playing basketball, yes, I can stand outside of the game and feel proud of myself for being in charge. But if. I want to have a positive impact on the kids, have a better positive impact. It's important to get out there and it's okay for them to beat you.

Speaker 5 2:57

It's okay to lose, it's okay as long as you're playing with them and they know I had kids one time playing basketball and they were kind of picking on me and were like oh, I'm playing like Miss Jackson and obviously doing horrible.

Speaker 1 3:11

But then I made it.

Speaker 5 3:12

I made a three point and that was my first ever three point and all the kids were cheering with me and they were getting to teach me how to do the skills and it was really cool.

Speaker 2 3:27

That is really cool. So my least favorite game that we play with the kids is Ga Ga Ball. I did not like that game. We have two elementary first kindergartners so they've never played. We're teaching them how to play Ga Ga Ball and when they asked me to play when I had them one day after school, I said I don't really like that game. So I don't really like that game, so I don't think I'm going to play. And their faces, it was just oh.

Speaker 5 3:51

Miss Friday doesn't want to play.

Speaker 1 3:51

So I was like but I will play with you and I had fun with it.

Speaker 2 3:53

I smiled and had fun with them and they learned. So it is important to have a good attitude, even if you don't like what you're doing.

Speaker 4 3:59

It also lets the kids know that even if they don't like a sport or an activity or don't feel they're going to be good at it, it's still fun to attempt it and fun to play. There's a lot of things that I'm not good at, but I still have a lot of fun trying.

Speaker 6 4:11

You never know, you might like it. I always thought I would hate disc golf because I can't stand golf so much, and it turned out that disc golf is now one of my favorite things to do.

Speaker 3 4:19

So what would you say is the value of both planned out activities and spontaneous activities?

Speaker 5 4:24

Planned activities can become something to look forward to, or at least to plan for.

Bonding Through Spontaneous Recreation

Speaker 5 4:31

I know, if I know that a family fun time is coming and I know that I have to put my phone away, that's expected and I can send the text out and let people know hey, I'm not going to be in touch and I know that I'm putting it away. But then there are even times at work when doing something and I'm busy and some kids or my boss is like hey, there's some people out there playing nine square and they need a couple more people, and it's like, ooh, yay, and that's just the highlight of my day sometimes. Or getting asked to join in a card game or whatnot. So at home I can also see of, okay, we all got our chores done. Hey, how about we do this, even if it's outside of the planned and the regular activities, if it's, ooh, let's try something new. Or just, hey, for 10 minutes let's play this game. Or floor is lava for 10 minutes, that could be just a little fun experience trying to get something done at the house. And then you're done and you go on about your business.

Speaker 3 5:37

Yeah, I think I remember when I was oh I must have been in elementary school. It was during the Winter Olympics and we were watching figure skating and then just all of a sudden, one of my brothers like took his shoes off and went into the kitchen and started doing a figure skating and then we all ended up taking our shoes off and going in there and doing figure skating routine and it was just the silliest, most random thing ever. But we all still talk about it Every four years at the Olympics. We always talk about it and it's such a cool memory from our childhood. It just came out of nowhere.

Speaker 4 6:05

I think you have to know your kids for sure too. Some kids don't function well with spontaneous, and they just do better with planned, planned activities, knowing what's coming up. But I think it's healthy to have a little bit of both.

Speaker 6 6:16

I feel like sometimes the spontaneous ones, like with josh and those ones get anchored into your brain yeah that you talk about for years and years afterward, because it wasn't planned, you didn't know it was coming and wow, what a surprise that was.

Speaker 5 6:28

That was really fun well, the spontaneous could also go with where they're using their imagination. It doesn't have to be an adult-led thing, but if they have some free time to use their brain, they're bored and like, okay, well, I'm bored, well, here, let's play. Use this paper, and that's how you play that little finger football game. There's so many things that can come out of being bored for a little bit and creating a spontaneous game or activity.

Speaker 4 7:01

There was a time we were taking the kids in the van and the kids were getting bored and so we came up to a stop sign and decided to flip a coin, decide which way to go, and so we would do that. We went all over campus flipping the coin and the kids right heads is right, tails is left. If it falls on the floor, we go straight, or something like that.

Speaker 4 7:19

And so now the kids, sometimes you get in the van and that's what they asked for for us to do to play the quarter game. That was just a little spontaneous thing to keep from boredom One time when I didn't have a quarter.

Speaker 5 7:30

I would come up and I would just say, okay, which direction? And they would all just kind of holler out different ones and whichever one I just heard the most of, I'd go that direction and just kind of a weird trying to kill what 10 minutes or so on the way to a place because we were going to be a little early.

Speaker 2 8:00

And instead of getting out of the van and sitting there being bored or trying to come up with another thing was just a fun way to kill time. So our summers for the staff children are pretty structured I would say the summer temps and come up with activities and then print it out, put it on the wall. Parents knew at this time we'd be here doing this. So one time we had the blue gym and they didn't want to play anything in the blue gym. So I was like you know what? I saw some costumes and some hats and stuff, and so I went and got them out and I was like y'all, go into the aerobics room, come up with the routine, come out and perform it with me. They were a stat, it was hilarious and I got really good video footage for parents.

Speaker 3 8:29

Yeah, Sometimes we have these structured activities and we get locked into them and if we're not flexible then we miss out on cool, fun activities like that. That's a pretty cool story. So how would you say that you use recreation time to build relationships with kids?

Speaker 5 8:43

Do the activity with the kids. That's really important yeah.

Speaker 6 8:47

Being alongside them, doing it with them, showing them being patient.

Speaker 5 8:51

Whether they're teaching you or you're teaching them or y'all are learning together. Then you can have the discussions, whether you're talking during the activity or after, but you got to be there. That's most important.

Speaker 6 9:03

Yeah, I think it's a good time to talk, to have some of those conversations that may be difficult without some sort of mild distraction. So that is how I let my son know about life over a game of chess and what to expect in junior high and high school, and we talked about those things while we played chess and it was a lot easier for me and him both to be able to accept what we were talking about and I did let him win that day.

Speaker 2 9:29

So me and my husband work out at the sports complex pretty much every day after work and we have a few boys who have asked if they can start to work out with us and it's become kind of a release for them get away from their house, what's going on in the home, and we can have pretty good talks, just me and taking them home back and forth, picking them up for the gym, taking them back home they're able to. You know I'll notice things. Hey, you ran out of the house pretty quick and you know I can ask the questions and kind of process with them their day.

Speaker 3 9:57

Yeah, I think that's kind of the beauty of those activities is that they kind of let their guard down a little bit when you're just doing something side by side having fun, and then you can have those cool conversations with them and you're also creating great memories for the kids.

Effective Engagement in Recreational Activities

Speaker 4 10:10

It's not just building those relationships, but you're creating the memories of the game that you play together or the time that you're working out with each other, and it's those things that they look back on in life that they remember. They call you up and remind you about those.

Speaker 3 10:23

So I often hear kids say things like I'm bored. But when I try and give them different options to do, they always say that's lame or that's also boring. So how do you go about engaging them and encouraging them to participate in different activities? I think with this one.

Speaker 6 10:37

It's all about your approach. So if you have a child that comes to you or is sitting on the couch just staring at the ceiling, going bored, well, why don't you go try disc golf? That sounds dumb. Why don't you go try rigger golf? That sounds dumb, right. But if you go to that child and said, hey, I see you there, you look like you're bored, I got some discs with me. Hey, let's cross tight, let's go try this, like, let's go do something new.

Speaker 6 10:58

And it's about how you approach that situation, your enthusiasm yeah because if you, if you go up to me like, well, you could do this or you could do that, even I would be like, nah, I don't do, that sounds dumb. But if somebody comes to me and says, hey, kale, let's go, let's go try some disc golf, you might like it. No, okay, let's go try it, because they were excited about it. So I kind of became excited about it. It turns out that it was amazing. So you know your approach. I think is very important. On that you could also put a time limit.

Speaker 5 11:27

Hey, I have 30 minutes. You want to come do this this? Or hey, will you come work on this with me for 30 minutes? 10 minutes, and sometimes it will give them just that little bit of shift, like, okay, I can do a 10, 20, 30 minute commitment here. Tell them, hey, if you don't like it after the timer goes off, you're free to go be bored again, or you can keep. If you like it, keep going.

Speaker 5 11:51

There are so many activities that we've tried to offer. One of the biggest one was four corner soccer. The kids love soccer and when you talk about changing it up, they were like no, we just want regular soccer. It's like, no, let's change. So let's play one game like this. If you don't like it, we'll go back and giving them that kind of short. Okay, I can do it for this long. Oh, that's actually kind of fun. Okay, yeah, for the next like two summers. Four corner soccer was one of the biggest things they asked for. Now they're high schoolers. They came back and played it with me recently and we had a blast.

Speaker 4 12:28

I've been doing recreation programs for 35 years and it is hard. You're playing the same games over and over again. So what I've come up with is we utilize all the people that we've hired and all the kids that we've taught and we ask them what do you want to? Can you change these rules? What do you want to add to this game? And it's amazing how much, how many new games we've come up with, just having either the staff or the kids tweak the rules. We had a kid, one of our staff kids, very young at the time, create his own game Battleships. So it was just, it's just. That's what I do. I utilize the staff and the people around me and brainstorm on how to keep things fresh and how to change things up a little.

Speaker 2 13:06

You can also flip it back to them and say, well, if you think that's boring, what would you rather do? And then be willing to participate in what they want to do.

Speaker 3 13:14

So when it comes to activities, is there too much of a good thing? What are your thoughts about how parents tend to over-program their kids with activities?

Speaker 6 13:22

It's a good one. I think with anything there can be too much of a good thing. You want to leave them wanting more. If you do, I'm going back to disc golf again. But if you do 18 rounds of golf, I'm having a great time, I'm done. If I do 36 rounds of golf, I'm not so happy about it anymore. Right, and you need that break. You need that time off, and it goes along with the over-programming. You need time to sit down and not have something going on.

The Power of Family Recreation

Speaker 4 13:46

You need to learn how to be bored. And these kids these days do not know what to do when they're bored. Obviously, that was the question before, and it's something that's when their creative side should come through, and that's what we did when we were kids we would go outside and create a game.

Speaker 6 14:00

And find something to do.

Speaker 4 14:01

Yeah, so these kids, these days don't do that as much.

Speaker 5 14:11

And it's hard to teach. Having some free time to not be focused in what other people want to, that gives them some of their own choice too, of their imaginations to go wild, whether they want to play a game, whether they create a whole new world in their mind and write a book, and it could be just a little colored book, a 10-page color book. But things like that, where they get to let their mind go because they're bored is very important.

Speaker 5 14:36

There's so many things that we have in this world that are created because somebody was bored and they had a little bit of time to think about. Hey, there's this problem. I wonder if I could do this, this or this to fix it. And they did.

Speaker 6 14:50

Too much of a good thing can be overwhelming. I had a dream of being on the US ski team and there was a few years that I lived and lived and breathed skiing. I actually tried out for the us ski team. Turns out I'm not as good as I think I am, but I learned a really good lesson. And then, because I was put on this earth to ski I mean there's other things, there's raising my family, there's being with my wife and doing what I do for cal farley's, but skiing is why I was put here and when I decided I wanted to be on the us ski ski team, that's all I did. It was my whole life, year round, and it took away everything else that I loved and wanted to do. And because it was, get up re-ski, go to bed, dream about skiing, get up re-ski to the point where it consumed me. And so when I didn't make the US ski team.

Speaker 6 15:34

Thank heavens I went back to skiing for fun and for exercise and realized that I love skiing and I do not want to be on the US ski team and so having too much of a good thing, you know, ends up taking too much out of your soul, almost.

Speaker 3 15:49

So what would you say is the best outcome for a kid or family who incorporates recreation into their routine?

Speaker 6 15:56

Oh, the family that plays together is the family that stays together. That's good.

Speaker 5 16:00

A good balance of individuality but also family dynamics. You incorporate recreation into their family routine and so you work on those relationships. You work on the balance and kind of the predictability of hey, this certain evening it's just expected, but I want to hang out with this friend or that friend. Hey, can I bring them over to join with us, because that's just kind of in the routine. I enjoy doing this with my family. Anybody who has more than one kid knows that every kid is individualized. I have twin nephews and they're very different, so people get to be their own. But then come together and have fun and build the relationships together.

Speaker 4 16:47

I think also that if you're playing with your kids and playing with the family, it shows the kids that the parents can also have fun and they're not just put on the earth, as Cale would say, to work. You know, they can sit on the floor and play Legos with me, they can go out and kick a ball, and it also provides the family and the kids some time to be physically fit. I mean, it keeps you a little more in shape, gets you outside, gets some sunshine.

Speaker 2 17:14

It's just that relationship building again. So growing up, my dad loved to play volleyball and we loved to play volleyball. Our family loves to play volleyball, so he would. When I got into high school he was like, let's go outside. He built a volleyball court for us, so we would play volleyball. Well then we'd have neighbors that would see us and they'd come over Well eventually, half the high school was coming over Friday nights to play volleyball.

Speaker 2 17:35

Cars were lining the streets and it was a big party, volleyball party and so it just brought friends and family together. They invited their family and it became a big thing Every Friday. That's awesome.

Speaker 3 17:45

Play volleyball. Well, thank you again for actively seeking us out and listening to our show, and I hope it gets you encouraged to get out and have some fun with your kids. If you'd like to contact us to ask a question, our email address is podcasts at calfarleyorg. I'll leave a link in the description. Also, if you haven't already, please follow and subscribe to the show and leave us a five-star review. And, as always, you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you remember to get them back.

Speaker 1 18:09

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.