Have you ever wondered what it takes to truly pursue your dreams? Join us for a heartfelt and engaging conversation with Scott Evans, the charismatic host of Excess Hollywood and World of Dance, as we uncover the transformative power of personal responsibility, authenticity, and high standards. Scott shares candid tales from his journey, including touching reflections on my mother's final weeks and her regrets over not chasing her passions. We dive into the emotional and often terrifying world of pursuing what you love, revealing how fear can actually be a powerful motivator.
In this episode, we explore how embracing fear can fuel ambition and drive personal growth. Scott and I discuss breaking down societal and personal barriers that often hold us back from a young age, and the crucial role that community and collaboration play in achieving success. You'll hear about our own experiences with professional and personal growth, and how maintaining a balance between the two is essential for reaching significant milestones. We also touch on how the perception of selfishness can evolve as we prioritize our own development to better support and inspire others.
Lastly, we reflect on the profound impact of meaningful relationships and the dynamic, evolving nature of our bonds. From managing a business to navigating personal growth, our conversation highlights the importance of authenticity and intentionality. Scott and I share stories of how genuine connections and the relentless pursuit of personal responsibility have shaped our lives. By the end of this episode, we hope to inspire you to raise your standards, embrace your authenticity, and take courageous steps toward a more fulfilling life. Don't miss out on this deeply personal and motivating discussion!
Connect with Me
IG: @matthewpaetz
Start Here to Find Out - What's Blocking You From Making Your First $100k?
Have you ever wondered what it takes to truly pursue your dreams? Join us for a heartfelt and engaging conversation with Scott Evans, the charismatic host of Excess Hollywood and World of Dance, as we uncover the transformative power of personal responsibility, authenticity, and high standards. Scott shares candid tales from his journey, including touching reflections on my mother's final weeks and her regrets over not chasing her passions. We dive into the emotional and often terrifying world of pursuing what you love, revealing how fear can actually be a powerful motivator.
In this episode, we explore how embracing fear can fuel ambition and drive personal growth. Scott and I discuss breaking down societal and personal barriers that often hold us back from a young age, and the crucial role that community and collaboration play in achieving success. You'll hear about our own experiences with professional and personal growth, and how maintaining a balance between the two is essential for reaching significant milestones. We also touch on how the perception of selfishness can evolve as we prioritize our own development to better support and inspire others.
Lastly, we reflect on the profound impact of meaningful relationships and the dynamic, evolving nature of our bonds. From managing a business to navigating personal growth, our conversation highlights the importance of authenticity and intentionality. Scott and I share stories of how genuine connections and the relentless pursuit of personal responsibility have shaped our lives. By the end of this episode, we hope to inspire you to raise your standards, embrace your authenticity, and take courageous steps toward a more fulfilling life. Don't miss out on this deeply personal and motivating discussion!
Connect with Me
IG: @matthewpaetz
Start Here to Find Out - What's Blocking You From Making Your First $100k?
In this episode of the Changemakers podcast, we sit down with Scott Evans. You may know Scott from hosting shows like Excess Hollywood, the World of Dance and Couple to Thrupple, but I know him as a lifelong friend and my brother. We talk about the power of taking responsibility in your life, how being yourself is actually the key to creating the life and career of your dreams, and that reaching for your potential isn't the key to your success, but rather it's raising your standards that changes your life, and not to mention a moment where Scott and I get so vulnerable it brings us both to tears. I hope you get as much out of this conversation as I did. If you do, please like, share and follow so more like you can learn how to live a more authentic life. Enjoy.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to go ahead and kick it off for them and say genuinely thank you for being a part of the changemakers podcast, and the mission that I'm on with this show is to really allow people a deeper perspective into the lives of those who have courageously chosen themselves. And you know what I find is so many of us have a calling and we we know it, we feel it, even if we can't articulate it Right, but there's something in us and everyone explains it, you know, kind of in the same way which is like there's just, it's something in them that they knew that their life was meant for more. They knew that what they may have been doing or where they may have come from couldn't be it. And to answer that call is fucking terrifying and deeply, deeply disruptive. Hell, that call might be scarier than the bill collector.
Speaker 2:Actually, you'd be like I'm gonna put some on it.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna put some next, next week, when I get paid, maybe yeah um but but yeah, that's really what the mission for this show is.
Speaker 1:It is about is um being an example, know, for those who know they have that calling but maybe don't understand how to pursue it themselves, or do understand and just afraid that if they do they end up alone. And if anyone's been through it, I don't have to expand on that part. You know any further because you get it. Yeah, so with that I'm going to kick this off with what really inspired this podcast and these conversations. And it was a belief that I have had for years and I guess I didn't even realize it for a long time. But if you look back, it's definitely been present and it was reinforced this past year. You know, through the experience of mom and some of the things that she shared, going into, you know what became her final weeks and, without diving too much into that story, you know it was a message that she conveyed to me candidly and it was simply that her request was that I never stop pursuing what I actually love. Her request was that I never stop pursuing what I actually love Because in that moment, in reflection of her life, she realized that, as much as she made decisions that she was proud of and lived her life in a very honorable way and took care of those who she cared for.
Speaker 1:When she looked back at that time, she couldn't help but recognize the regrets that she had because she avoided so many things out of fear. And I learned in those final weeks that mom was a singer. I had no idea, genuinely, she sang at her own wedding. Again, had no idea. She was a phenomenal artist. And these were, you know, two of many things that she reflected back and said that you know she didn't pursue because she was afraid of being judged. Um, and that was one of the things that she deeply regretted was not pursuing more of her. And that leads me to the belief that I realize I've had for so long, which is that, when it comes to work specifically, I do not believe in working a job you hate just to get by, but to accept that as your path right, accept that as a destiny of sorts, is something I find unacceptable and, as someone who knows me really well I didn't hold many jobs for very long.
Speaker 2:You found out, you hated them huh Real quick.
Speaker 1:right after they said you're hired, I was like yeah, this ain't gonna work. I hate this, this ain't me.
Speaker 2:So I gotta be here when.
Speaker 1:Nah, I hate that. Hate that you know, and this is you know, and that's why I'm one of the reasons why I'm genuinely excited to kick this off with you, because you're someone who I've I've known for many years and I've seen unapologetically pursue themselves and their beliefs and their goals and dreams and did what you had to do to get there, even working jobs. You hated Right, but ultimately, because you knew you were, you were creating something bigger, right? That was just a stepping stone, not, yeah, not a destiny, if you will.
Speaker 1:So, all that to ask this question, brother, I would love to know first, for anyone who doesn't know you right or maybe is aware of you, know the work that you're doing now and and you know some of the things that you've accomplished in recent years, I would love to hear from you how would you describe where you come from, like what was the beginning for you?
Speaker 2:That's such an interesting question. How would I describe where I come from? And I say interesting because it's like it's you really like you throw it out, you throw one off with that. It's you, you really like you throw it out, you throw one off with that. You know what I mean. It's not like how do you describe you or what you do, how do you describe your path, but like where you come from.
Speaker 2:I, I, I was surrounded at a very young age, from where I can what I can remember examples of brilliance, like people who were seemed to be in their flow in walking, in authority, working in community and collaboration with other people, in particular, this group, these groups, this community was Black, and so I was able to see from a very young age and believe and almost assume that whatever I wanted, however I wanted it, whatever my dream was, it was due to me, right, because I was willing to work it out, I was willing to walk that path. I didn't have this idea you know people talk about, like how you know the representation matters is like this thing that people keep saying and this phrase that people rely on or fall back to or iterate in their speeches and all kinds of stuff right, every room you've been in, if there is someone who is not white, if they are black, brown, asian or otherwise, people talk about representation mattering and or how much it matters, and so I had that. From a really young age I had that examples of people seeking with success, purpose right, following in success their purpose. So, um, growing up in indianapolis, being born in new jersey, um, uh, and growing up in indianapolis and for some time, you know, earlier in life, going back and forth, but for the most part growing up, totally growing up, really, in indianapolis, um, I was surrounded by people who were like doing it, and so, um, I remember being booked on this for on my first like gig, stacy pates, your sister, our sister, booked me on this gig where she believes it was a young Reggie Miller I mean our young. She believes it was a young, uh, uh, michael Jordan.
Speaker 2:I believed somehow that it was a young Reggie Miller and for some reason.
Speaker 2:I was like I don't know how I look like Reggie Miller, but I will take it, because I got a day out of school, I got 50 bucks, 50 bucks to play, um and so uh. So yeah, we played this. This. It was like this um, the player intro video for the indiana pacers, like with the thing, the thing that comes on right before the the players come out and I remember being in the car on the ride home with her and I was like this is what I want to do.
Speaker 2:She was like, of course, the gardeners are going to start now.
Speaker 1:Um she was. That's not what she said.
Speaker 2:That's what you're saying I was like that's a weird response stacy you're right, that wasn't very clear. The gardeners are about to start now, literally now in this life. In this memory, I remember saying to stacy this is what I want to do, you know, with my, I want to do this, I want to, I want to be this every day. I remember her kind of looking at me like okay, don't be, don't be weird. But I also remember her very specifically saying then you will, you know what I mean. Then you will.
Speaker 2:And so I had a lot of experiences like that as a kid, where I said something or I I identified something or was curious about something and I was encouraged to go in pursuit of it. I was thrust into afterschool programs that developed my storytelling ability on camera, and we launched a television show when I was in middle school that aired on the MTV2 affiliate in Indianapolis called 360 Degrees. You directed and produced TV for teens, and what I know now is that if we were submitting for Emmys, we were definitely doing Emmy caliber work in middle school and high school as students, but we were talking about everything from teen homelessness to school dating sex.
Speaker 2:We were winning grants from city initiatives to help inform young people about how to have, how to protect their bodies, how, what, what sexual health meant for young people and to help tell stories that you know they couldn't seem to connect with, and so was also getting seeing some success in that I was interviewing celebrities in middle school Do you know what I mean? As they came through Summer Celebration in Indianapolis. I interviewed Destiny's Child in middle school, john Legend, when I was in high school. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2:In order to describe what it was like for me, where I come from, I had great examples of what it meant and what could be found on the other side of pursuing your heart's desire. I also had profound examples of what it looked like to not what it looked like to delay, what it looked like to delay, what it looked like to defer, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want that, and so I and many members of my family made sure that I had and would be out and after this thing as quickly and as soon as possible and as relentlessly as possible.
Speaker 1:So, on that note too, because I'm sitting there listening and I would love to hear a little more about what do you mean? That you also had other examples who were avoiding and deferring, and whatever that means, their dreams, their goals, their desires, their truths, all the stuff, right, because you know and listen to that. It sounds like you know, you. You were surrounded by a lot of positivity, right. But I also know that there was another truth to kind of much of where you came from and the experiences that you may have had to endure, right. So I'd be very curious, like you know, for anyone out there that believes their current circumstance is the thing that's keeping them from being able to relentlessly pursue whatever it is for them Like, how would you, how would, how would you go about whatever it is for them like how would you, how would, how would you go about?
Speaker 2:you know, sharing your story with that person. Well, I would say, first, I don't know that everyone needs to. That's the way I described what you know, my initial like kind of get in this, getting this thing going, relentless pursuit. I don't know that everybody's dream requires that. I don't know that everyone's passion or purpose or desire or curiosity desires relentless pursuit. But I know that I was up against some major hurdles, some major obstacles that required me to feel like I was, like I'm going after this thing, and that's what energized me, that's what empowered me and encouraged me. So I mean, I think that first I would find a way to describe very clearly what it is you want in your life, to be able to see that thing very clearly in your life. But I think that there are.
Speaker 2:Fear is a big part of this experience. You know what I mean, this human thing, and so I'm not necessarily of the mind of you need to separate yourself from ever experiencing fear, that you need to. I had this. My first tattoo was, I believe, in some Asian language go without fear. It's probably like Tuesday, but I'm just being honest.
Speaker 1:I don't know what it is. Their stories exist.
Speaker 2:It can say Burger King, I don't know, I really don't know, but its intention was go without fear. And what I learned sometime after that was that it's not about going without it, it's about going hand in hand, like, okay, fear, gotcha, you're going with us. You know what I mean. Come along. I'm of the mind and I've shared this with you before. I'm of the mind that fear, the right kind of fear, the right response to fear, keeps you alert, it keeps you upright, it keeps you activated. You know what I mean that paralyzing kind of fear. What we do with fear and allowing us to stop or never go is something different. But yeah, I mean I don't know if I answered your question, but I think that you know that for me, the relentless pursuit was about digging in and consistently checking back in with myself and saying is this still the dream, is this still the desire? Is this still what you want, even though none of it looks like what you thought it would? Right now, are you comfortable with, or good with, continuing to walk this thing out? You know is is what is what you're feeling right now worth the next few steps? Because I wasn't really ever of the mind of like, okay, when I get on, then I will. You know I get on, then I will.
Speaker 2:I never really saw it like that. I needed to feel it. I needed to see some elements of the dream happening. Something had to happen now. Something needed to activate and feel familiar or feel like a part of that pointing to that in some sort of way now. And so, when those things didn't necessarily happen that way, I also had to ask myself the question like are you good If this is what it feels like? This is where we at you good with this, you good with this. You know to try to check, to try to avoid those scenarios where you have to, you have to work a job that you hate. I, fortunately, have not been in a situation where I really have had to work a job that I hate, and if I have, I have put it so far out of my mind that I can't even necessarily recall it that way.
Speaker 1:I love this and what I'm hearing you describe is very, very powerful, which is you're not speaking to circumstances. You're not speaking to challenges as a sign of wrongdoing or failure. One thing that was very interesting in working with people in my own experience like I'm someone who, it's taken a long time for me to develop a relationship with struggle, with challenge or fear, even that I interpret those things now as the green light, the direction, versus you know, doing something and being met with challenge or being met with some sort of feedback or rejection and seeing that as further evidence as why I shouldn't be going in that direction. Right, right and no, and just listening to you, it's. It's apparent to me that from the very beginning, your perspective, your interpretation of the challenges was that they motivated you versus deterred you Sometimes. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes yeah, yeah, sometimes yeah, I mean that they're, they're. You know, living growing up in indiana as a young black boy, you know their challenge. You can't look at as challenge, as never, never go past this, as as like uh, or a boundary, like you can't look at someone saying no or no, this is not for you or you do not belong, as somehow the truth you must live by. And so it was always about finding ways in. It was always about finding some other option. It was always about like, okay, so if this is showing up this way, if this is the, the, the, the no here, where is the yes? And if it's not anywhere here, how do I create it? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I saw examples of that. Yeah, I saw examples of that, like as a kid. You know, reverend Williams, turning this organization Indiana black expo into the largest, longest running cultural exposition of its time was not easy, but I remember sitting in meetings when they were trying to figure out how we're going to pay for this. Well, what sponsor is going to not only bring this person in but highlight them in the way that we believe they deserve, as they're going to this, this as they are, this emerging artist and I'm using those as, like, very specific examples.
Speaker 2:But those are the kinds of conversations that I was around as a kid, that I was around as a kid, people looking for the solution, people looking for ways to collaborate, people looking for how not only ways to lift themselves up, but like everyone around them or as many people around them. You know, I learned what it meant to be in community at a very young age and it is something that I'm finding now, as other people are even pointing out to me now. It is something now that is informed, that is informing many of my professional choices, but also how I show up professionally, how I show up in my personal life. I think that I probably focus more on my development professionally than I have personally and now trying to bring that back profession, committed to that path, you know initially, your personal development was required for you to reach any significant milestone I'll receive that and now you are.
Speaker 1:It sounds like you. You've reached a place where your personal life is is coming more into focus, right, and? And you're learning, like you said, how to apply the personal growth that you've acquired, you've earned professionally now, into your life personally. Right, because the success in our personal life is earned as well. Right, and we may talk about personal and professional lives, but they're really just the same life being expressed in two different lanes, right? So there's no way that you can that one can, you know, improve themselves in one area and it not impact the other. Show up, right Now, the key is being conscious of the lesson instead of just the context.
Speaker 1:Right, because it is its principle like, courage in one is still courage in the other, but you just have to be willing to lean in, and it's something you were saying earlier. You know I keep notes around me all the time, but here's one that really stuck out, because we were talking about your interpretation of challenge being something that you saw as like the motivator, the inspiration, like the challenge wasn't a hurdle, it was let's get it, yeah, let's go for it, and I can relate to this what I'm about to say, which is I've written here children who have not been taught to face challenges will avoid all challenges.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And you know, in reflection of my own life, there's a lot of things that I recognize that didn't come, that I received, that didn't come as a challenge to me per se, Right, and I've carried a lot of guilt for that. To be quite honest, you know I've carried a lot of guilt for that. To be quite honest, you know I've carried a lot of guilt for my advantages, for my privileges, and the more aware that I've become that they existed, you know, in my life the more guilty and shame sometimes that I've carried for having them. I even felt that it would be inappropriate of me to leverage them Right of me to leverage them Right. So but in hearing that, and the shift for me is, I think it's the what's the intention Like? Is it, is it just for self, right, or is growing for self with the intention of being of value to other Right? And I think there's a fine line there. And I think a lot of people talk about selfishness, Like I'm afraid to be selfish, but I think there's a big difference between selfish and self-centered.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:I think the world would be a much healthier place for all if we all were more selfish. Right, how, what do you?
Speaker 2:mean how? So we all were more selfish, right?
Speaker 1:What do you mean? How? So Something I'm actually learning right now in business and it's been quite a hard lesson to learn, and I mean this is in real time, like I was journaling about this this morning. So I've recently launched my agency right Momentum for coaches and creators who are currently part-time right Momentum for, you know, coaches and creators who are currently part-time? Right, call it. But you know they they're working a job they hate, but there's a calling inside of them for something bigger, something greater, and what? What I did initially was I took all of my resources finances, abilities, skills, team and for our initial clients right, there's eight of them that we started with. I put all my resources into the client and I, you know, didn't really put a lot of effort into our own development as a company, as a brand, as my own image right, right and what I yeah.
Speaker 1:And what I quickly found was that I was attempting to lead others in doing something I believed in but had yet to do myself Demonstrated success.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and because my initial belief and this is what this is a belief that's now changed for me recently. My initial belief is that if I invested my resources into me first, that would be self-centered, right. Who am I to get gain, have whatever? But what I quickly realized was that by not investing in my own development, my own opportunities, my own progression first, I didn't know how to lead others in doing it for themselves, although I wanted it for them, right, right. So what's quickly changed? Because I had to, because if it didn't, we wouldn't survive.
Speaker 2:Literally, financially, it's not sustainable.
Speaker 1:And what I really was like. Oh, if I was more selfish. Act with intention. Right To grow with purpose, to collaborate with the intention of transformation, not transaction right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And only by going first will I understand how to guide others right. So that shift for me of like, oh, going first is not self-centered. If the intention is to learn something that you can turn and guide someone else, you know to do the same. Give them yeah, right, um, and so that was a big shift for me. You know cause I believe that investing my own resources and, you know, taking advantage of my skill sets was a self-centered act, meaning arrogant, you know, cocky, self-serving, you know, because in doing so you naturally start to gain some attention Right. Gain some attention Right, and I've always felt that attention made me appear as if it was about me, and that was something I was unwilling to accept. But not allowing the growth of the attention or the opportunities to to flow. Naturally, I learned that what I was actually doing is eliminating or severely impacting my ability to support others in a meaningful way.
Speaker 2:And you know, so that's kind of what I mean Robbing yourself or robbing yourself from the experience of, like, experience of learning what's on the other side of this. I think that we sometimes I know that I have feared the success of a thing or even in some ways, pursuing something wholeheartedly, because if I do and it's successful, then what right? And what is this? Like yeah, like then, like then, like what do I do then? What is, what does that mean I am, then, how do I sustain that then?
Speaker 2:And you have all of these things that you talk yourself out of the like if it does actually work, which is ridiculous, but it is true, and I think I think I don't, I don't think I'm the only person that struggled with this or that has struggles with this, um, and so what? I, what I? This is what I kind of went back to, the idea of like am I okay with what is happening now? Am I good with what is happening now? Am I comfortable with what the next step requires? That all of this, like several steps ahead, shit, all of this like trying to figure out a workout, like well, what are they going to say if I and if we win, then what? Or if we make and I'm able to earn, or what like all of?
Speaker 2:that stuff we will deal with that stuff when we do that stuff. This stuff right here, this stuff right here, this stuff right here this stuff right here.
Speaker 2:Let's get to that. Let's get in this and let's make this feel the best we possibly can, and maybe even finding ways to implement little guardrails, or little not guardrails little touchstones, so that once we get this, let's check in with ourselves and figure out how do we feel. Let's check in with our team and figure out how do we feel. Let's check in with our viewer how do you feel? Right? Are as many of our intentions still in alignment with how we started this thing, or have they grown into being something even way cooler? But are we still all on the same page? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Are you a coach who has been struggling to do everything yourself? I mean all of the content, the emails, the marketing, not to mention, every time you open your phone, there's a new social media strategy that someone is pitching that just makes you feel like you'll never be able to keep up, when all you really care about is helping people in a meaningful way while building the kind of coaching business your family can depend on. I'm Matthew Pates, the founder of Momentum, a growth agency that specializes in helping coaches, just like you, break through your first 100k. If you're a coach who is tired of trying to figure it all out themselves and you just want to build a business that works, then I'm going to encourage you to click the link in our show notes to take your 100K coaching assessment to find out if you're ready to unlock your six-figure potential today.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I mean I think I understand what you mean when you say selfish versus self-centered. I think that my whole job, the majority of my career, has been about amplifying the voice, the work, the dream of other people. And you know, I've grown to find a way to describe what I believe my purpose on this planet is, which is to be a reflection of the love and the light that has been shown to me in my life, so that someone may become more comfortable, more bold in themselves, so they go in relentless pursuit of their dream. Do you know what I mean? Like that is that's my statement, Like that's my and I'm that. Like I got that clear about it, I got that granular about it. Like the things that I say yes to, the things that even Couple to Thrupple, like don't get me wrong, it's a dating show on Peacock you can stream all 10 episodes.
Speaker 2:Now Get it. It's a dating show on Peacock that I did not because it would be like this huge hookup show, but because I wanted to see what would happen when people were able to be open and honest about what they want in their relationship, what they see for themselves in their relationship or how they wanted to show up for their partner in their relationship. What happens if we could be just that honest? I don't give a damn if they end up in polyamory. I don't give a damn if they end up swinging. I don't give a damn if they end up in serial monogamy or get married or split up. That really wasn't my concern. I wanted to know what happened when people were able to challenge the idea they thought about a thing or the idea that was given to them about a thing, and they started to define it for themselves and so.
Speaker 2:I wanted to amplify that intention on an inherently queer television show because it had never been done before, and that's the filter that, like even that. You know what I mean. It was about how do I boost, offer my energy and experience to boost the desire or the intention of other people?
Speaker 1:You know, it's interesting that you you describe it this way, because one that that has been my experience as a friend and a brother of yours for many years now, and it actually, yeah, I almost asked this on the hype that we were on this past weekend, but I intentionally had a gut feeling. I was like Nope, stop. Like save this stop.
Speaker 2:Save this, Wait for the podcast.
Speaker 1:Save this, just in case there's an opportunity. And I was going to ask you because you're obviously someone who, in my opinion, you've always been unapologetic to yourself. You've always been unapologetic about your joy, your light, your energy, your everything. You walk into a room and the room lifts, and it's always been it's so strange to hear you say that and you say that to me.
Speaker 2:You've said that to me before and I always feel like it is so strange because I feel like I struggled for a very long time and still do, at like being myself, that like I have sometimes a real crisis of or conflict with you're doing too much. You reel it in, but I can't help it Like I'm too much. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll tell you this I don't know what your experience of that is, but I can tell you why. Why I say unapologetically, you has been my experience is because I genuinely cannot recall one moment where it felt that whatever energy you were bringing to a room or a conversation was performative. It always felt pure, even when it was the most like there was nothing performative in the energy, and that's what I've always admired, because me walking into a room when and I'll be 100. I remember many a night where you know we go out dancing or whatever. This is one in particular. I forget what city we were in, but I don't even remember the club and I remember the moment. And we were with a group of your friends and I came to hang out and, you know, went to this dance club and we were dancing and your presence gave me permission to be bigger, to dance more freely, and and I remember specifically because where we were was, uh, in my recollection it was a predominantly black club. And here here I am, like the white guy right.
Speaker 2:With all of the other other.
Speaker 1:But for me there was a lot of, like you know, desire to fit in and insecurity, and I know many can relate to that for different reasons, and but I remember it was like, oh, because you, like I was under your wing in that experience, I felt free to like just fucking go for it, whatever that was, and it was a great time.
Speaker 1:And, you know, and it felt like I wasn't the only one you were given that permission to, and that permission wasn't you saying, hey, it's OK, do it. That permission was you were doing it, and it was like you either got to be yourself here, whatever that looks like, or you're going to be really uncomfortable. Right, because there is no mask and that's what I've experienced with you, no matter where we are, what we do, and it's something that I've always admired, because your presence disrupts other people's mask. Right, and I don't say mask is in that they're they're doing something wrong or or deceitful, hiding, but it's they're afraid to be their truth, whatever that truth may be. Their truth, whatever that truth may be, and your, your energy, disrupts that, that guard that so many have.
Speaker 1:That, like I can't be, a certain way, because I don't know how other people are going to take it and you come in and you're like I, I'm just gonna come be me and let you figure out how you want to respond to that, while simultaneously, while simultaneously, it not being conflict yeah like you know and and I think that has been you know, something that I've witnessed in, been taking note of and learning from, I mean literally since the day that we met, and you know, I've seen you rise to the occasions and in my experience I've I can't think of one time that I witnessed fear in you, even if that's, even if it was there, like and maybe being more you as your response to fear, which I think I mean. If there's one gift I wish anyone could ever receive, is to have someone like you in their lives that shows them that response to fear can be be more of you instead of be less of you. Yeah, and so the the. The question that I had on the that came to me on the hike was I almost asked you, I was like do you, do you view yourself as an amplifier? And you answered that question. Because what hit me was although, when you come into a space, you're not afraid of being the center of attention, but the attention is never about you, you're always amplifying what is close to you.
Speaker 1:And I actually heard there's a gentleman who I look up to in the entrepreneur space. His name's Daniel Priestley and he is the author and creator of a concept called key person of influence, and he has this beautiful analogy when he talks about the key person of influence is an amplifier, and what he says he relates it to the city of Paris. And he says a key person of influence is the Eiffel Tower. And he said the Eiffel tower in Paris doesn't actually make a lot of money, right it the tower itself, like it's a few euros to to go up and you know the, you know, go to the top and do all that thing he's like. But the Eiffel tower itself is really, you know, economically, a loss leader for the city of Paris, right, but what it does is it amplifies the value of everything close to it.
Speaker 1:You may come to see the Eiffel Tower, right, but you, you're going to the restaurants, you're going to the hotels, you're going to, you know, the museums and all the things that surround the Eiffel Tower, and that is what makes the bulk of the revenue of the city and those kinds of things. So the Eiffel Tower brings people in, but it's never about the Eiffel Tower, and that's genuinely how I see you and, quite frankly, it's one reason why I enjoy spending so much time with you is because your presence gives me the permission to be more me and allows me to not just like be it but actually explore what that even is Right, like you're a safe place to, to to figure it out. Right To test some shit, to say some shit, to dance in a new way, to to sing a little louder or even at all Like, and that's the part that every time we leave each other's presence, I'm like I know a little bit more about who I am authentically now, because I spent time around Scott today, because I spent time around Scott today, whew, whew.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you're going to rename this podcast. Whew to tears and some shit.
Speaker 1:Tears and tequila.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, okay, that is a really. That is a really. I can't even look at you. That is a really. I can't even look at you. That is a really kind thing to say and I love you so much, truly, truly, truly. So. The fact that that is your, has ever been your experience in our time together is really cool to me. It's really meaningful to me.
Speaker 2:I was just describing our relationship to someone, a mentor of mine, and how you have been my big brother. Right, you've been, you are literally my big brother, you are my brother. And the part that is and maybe this isn't unique to our experience, maybe siblings have this kind of experience often but because we are not blood brothers, there isn't this like inherent, necessarily this inherent hierarchy of like I'm the big brother and I'm always the big brother and you do what the big brother says, but that we're the kind of brothers that alternate or shift big brother to little brother, little brother to big brother. Like I'm constantly learning from you to hear that you are constantly learning from me. There are times where I have felt like we shift in, like how we approach our relationship, and so brother can shift into like today you're the big brother and I need you in this way, or today you're the little brother, I need you in this way, or today you're the little brother and and you need in this way.
Speaker 2:I don't have any other relationship that's like this, and I've never done podcasts quite like this, and I say that to say that like I want you to be aware of. I don't know if every interview you do for this will have this same intention or will have elements of this throughout, but you're identifying someone. You're calling out someone's impact, someone caught. You're calling out someone's impact. You're giving name and face to someone's how they have touched or moved in a way that has shifted. You talk about change-making. It is a powerful, powerful thing, and I think that people are going to be totally thrown off by it, because I think it's.
Speaker 2:it's unlike anything I've ever done before, that is for sure, and I, just I, I hope that you will continue to just hold space for people in conversation this way, cause I think it's, I think it's pretty fucking. You're going to ruin a lot of mornings and make and make a lot of afternoons and nights, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, I deeply appreciate that and you know, the thing that, the thing that I want to do differently with this and it's not about different comparison to other, but the thing that, the thing that I really want to do differently, right, I love, I'm inspired by people who have achieved levels of success in their life that are uncommon, and it's not about the status, it's not about you know, the, the clout or any of that shit. What I'm genuinely inspired by is knowing that, the amount of courage it takes to achieve anything meaningful in your life and when I say meaningful, I mean we all get to define what that means for ourselves. And the reason why I am really encouraged to speak with people who have achieved meaningful things is because it's really easy to view and want to talk about those surface level milestones, right, what's the, the accolades is? It's a better, that's a much better term. And what I genuinely care about is the person's like story right, their truth. And you know, having had the experience now and the great fortune to meet people at all varying levels of call it success, right, what that has given me is a perspective and you know, even I shared this with you before, like when I was escorting right, the, the demographic that we're hiring. You know, the the time, the boyfriend experience, as it was so eloquently put in their marketing. It was so eloquently put in their marketing, you know it was that service catered to those who were in the financial elite, the 1% as many would call it.
Speaker 1:But the thing that was most interesting to me was in those experiences. What it really was was an opportunity to meet and like, see people for the person Right and I had many in that that life tell me that the reason why they chose to invest in these experiences had nothing to do with the physicality or the sex or any of that stuff, but for them it was the one relationship dynamic that they knew going in what it was. It was understood and clear. There was no fear of, you know, someone trying to climb the ladder and achieve something, you know, through them or because of them, but rather it was. You know, it was an opportunity. Many of them would say it's like I actually just get to not perform, I can just talk, I can just be, I can just share and it not be anything. So it was actually much more of a therapeutic relationship than it was a physical Right, and I bring all this up to say, you know, again, having gotten to know people who were in, in, you know, the public eye, what I learned was about the human being that was behind the, the fame or the persona, and, without fail, there was triumph and tragedy and, without fail, there was triumph and tragedy, and you know things that they just wish the world understood Right, and that was the part that really, like, lit me up.
Speaker 1:Like, those are the things I wanted to know more about and, you know, the, the intention behind this podcast is not to, you know, showcase people that you know others may know right, in some way, shape or form, but rather showcase the human being behind the hard work and the sacrifice and the commitment and the. You know, the, the example that change-making isn't about changing the world, it's about changing yours. Period, right, because we, you know, and something on that note that you know, is another thing that you've you've represented for me and when I do my best to observe kind of a theme in your life right as an outsider, as an observer, that you seem to do very, very well is, you know, we've talked a lot about goals and milestones and what we want to achieve and our visions in life, right, but I actually don't hear you share or speak into that a lot. But what I do hear and what I do see that I think is even more powerful than pursuing potential is one way to describe our vision or goals. Yeah, is you never speak on achieving a lot Like, uh, it's never about reaching your potential, but it's always been about raising your standards.
Speaker 1:Raising your standards. And when I look at your life, what I noticed and what I see is a man who is ruthlessly committed to raising his standards, and you've done so. It's never like, like I'm here, you can't sit with me. It's I'm here, now, let's, let's go Right, like you never leave people behind, but instead you, you hold them accountable to raise their own Right and you allow them the space to grow into that right Without judgment. But I've also noticed that, as uncomfortable and as heartbreaking as it may be and is at times, you don't wait for them to figure theirs out. You hold space for them to figure it out, but you don't wait. You're going to continue to raise your standards in hopes that at least this is how I I imagine, in hopes that those who you really care about do the same.
Speaker 2:but it doesn't have to look the same no, I mean, it never, almost never, is the same, like right like this is there are six people that have my job in America. You know what I mean. Like don't get me wrong. Look, there are a lot of people that do some some semblance or that, that, that there are properties of our, of our jobs, our careers that overlap, but as far as, like, do what I do the way that I do it for the you know what? All of that, there aren't a whole lot.
Speaker 2:I say that to say that there isn't always I'm not ever looking for someone's path or even their energy necessarily to match mine. What I think I am adamant about is that your intention, though, is in alignment. It doesn't have to be the same in alignment, it doesn't have to be the same, but I think that, while people get clear on that, it can be unpredictable. People's behavior can become unpredictable, and it can be fertile ground for me. This is just me being 100% honest, and maybe this is not the place for this but, like Always, the place for that. Right, it can be hurtful what happens as a result of people figuring their shit out, and things that can be said, things that can be done, things that can be misinterpreted. While some people are figuring portions of their thing out, while people are trying to bring their personality and their purpose into alignment with the pursuit of the passion I did not mean for that to sound so illiterate, illiterate, illiterate. I say that.
Speaker 2:I say I'm saying that to say that, like there are sometimes, and to speak to that in particular, I have been in very sensitive growth periods, what feel like they're like super fertile ground, which means that, like anything that is planted while in this period of my life will grow the good and the bad, and so I sometimes get super protective of that space while I'm trying to water and nurture this thing to see if it's going to be the thing that that pokes the ground.
Speaker 2:So I think that 100 for me, there is an element of like I love you. That doesn't mean I have to be all on you in order for that to be love for me, but also I understand that the life that I have, or the life that I'm creating, is my responsibility and I really have to. No one else is going to protect that the way that I'm going to protect that. No one else is going to hold that the way that I'm going to hold that and it's not. There's no shade, it's no love lost, but like I'm really trying to make sure this is good and we all have those experiences with people where you're like you're not in a place right now where you're going to manage this well, so I'm not going to hand this to you. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I absolutely do. I'm not going to require this of you, because we still, you know, figuring some shit out, and once that portion is, still you know figuring some shit out, and once that portion is done you know what I'm trying to say Once that portion is done we still right here.
Speaker 1:I do, and actually that leads me to something that I want to apologize for. And for years, as you know, as as you have, you know, continued to commit and take responsibility for, for your life right and and achieving your dreams and your mission. There was definitely a long season and not that long ago, I mean within the last couple of years where there were times that I got really upset and even offended by, you know, sometimes the distance between us and communication, right, and when I look back on it, the times in which I was the most hurt was it was all rooted in fear of our distance, mean I was losing our relationship, right, and I was interpreting the distance as there being distance within our relationship, which which is what you know, the pain that I was feeling. But as I sit back now and reflect from a different perspective, what I realized was the times where I was most offended were also the times I was not taking responsibility for my own and those who were taking responsibility for their own, and growing yourself being one of the main ones.
Speaker 1:The pain was. It was the fact that, again, I made it about me. I made your, your life, your dreams, you pursuing your goals about me, your life, your dreams, you pursuing your goals about me. And the apology that I believe I owe you is in times where you know I made you know comments or kind of passive aggressive statements around you, know you're not calling back or texting or those kinds of things, and when I look back on it now as I sit here with you know messages on my phone that I've not responded to, there's a transition, and it's not that the people aren't worthy of response that's not a draw but but they are and you get to them Right.
Speaker 1:But when you are committed to and committed to your responsibilities, there's different levels to that lack of love or care or respect. And if anything, it has taught me that, again, given permission, that to take responsibility for your own is a courageous act, and it's courageous because that inevitably means you're going to disrupt relationship dynamics that probably you care about deeply. But you cannot take responsibility for those and you have to allow them to navigate whatever it is for them in hopes that they reflect and and see the. You know, the deeper truth behind the experience is not one of you know, disconnect or you don't belong here or any of that, but rather if you are not one who is actively taking responsibility for your own, then you simply won't understand the act of taking responsibility for mine.
Speaker 2:Or sharing you know or sharing that or sharing that.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, man, I think it, it it is um, it. It's like it's all learning right, it's all about trying to figure out the best way, the better way, the truer way. Some, I think learning from you, know the situation. So we're not doing the same shit over and over and over. And so you know I love you and I apologize. You know what I mean. I am sorry for not being there and not making sure that you knew and felt that brother connection always. So we out here and I love you and we still at it. So you know what I mean Ain't never going to be nothing. But.
Speaker 1:Well and this is again an acknowledgement, more than anything else, to continue not that you wouldn't, but to continue to relentlessly pursue you and allow others you and allow others, allow it to inspire others. Right, because that's what you ultimately do, no matter where you go. And you know, I think that is the thing that you know so many. You know they never reached that point. They get to the fear, they get to the challenge and they start to retreat to make others more comfortable right themselves.
Speaker 1:You know right 100 honest and and that's something too that again you just you've always represented and and I know we're coming up on time here and one thing that I want to ask, because I really want people to maybe hear what comes. I want people to hear what comes through, and I don't even know what it's going to be. But you brought up something earlier and that's where this question stems from, so I'll ask the question and then I'll connect the dots. Okay, but in your life, in your professional, personal, what was?
Speaker 2:what would, what would you define as your big break? That moment where I haven't had it yet Love. I haven't had it yet, nope, still still working at that.
Speaker 1:Still working at that.
Speaker 2:How would you define a big break. I don't know Cause I don't. I don't have an experience I have. I can't say that I've experienced a big break. I think my life, my career, has been incremental, one small step in front of another small step. I've not had like a big splash onto something like oh snap, right, like everything is kind of like one thing has informed something two steps ahead or you know that kind of thing. So I haven't had, I can't say that I have had. When I think about someone a big break, I think about something where it seemed like they went from something super obscure or almost nowhere to like they're everywhere and life has totally changed. And in this moment you don't everywhere and life is totally changed.
Speaker 1:And in this moment, um you don't think your life has totally changed yeah, but I think that my life has totally.
Speaker 2:It didn't it 100. My life has totally changed. But like being raised as a single, being raised by a single, a single mother in the midwest, now living in, uh, tarzana, cal, california, you know what I mean. Like it is, yeah, my life is totally different. But also my life is exactly what Two Steps Ago informed you know it's not some major explosion from being a 16 year old and then turning 17 and being like boom, here's my first single. I'm a multi-platinum recording artist or I did this movie and now every director wants to work with me. Like it's literally been this slow burn. It's more how I would. I would describe my life and it is exactly what I wanted.
Speaker 2:This is why I look this oh, anthony is getting getting mad at me. Fair Well, I ended on this. But no, we can come back to this. Unfortunately, I have to cut this session short but, I, would like to return to this conversation. If you are open to that, I'm open to that.
Speaker 1:No, 100%, and I'll just say this again that's just proof that your focus has never been your potential. It's always been raising your standards.
Speaker 2:We out here, baby, like it's about, like how we can be taking authority in our own life to create the best life that we possibly can. And I know that that takes work, I know that it takes time, and I know that that takes work, I know that it takes time. My expectation is not some boom, but that it feels like a nice little garden that is growing and maturing. You know, you walk through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to trim it Shape it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fertilize it, you know, nurture it. I love it Well brotherurture it.
Speaker 1:I love it. Well, brother, I love you, I appreciate you. And yeah, go raise standards.
Speaker 2:Fuck yeah, baby Change making we out here.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Come on now.