When we face the unimaginable, where do we find the strength to carry on? Kelci Jager, a Certified Life Coach, Grief Coach, and Registered Nurse, found herself navigating the challenging terrain of grief when she lost her 40-year-old husband to leukemia. Left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life as a solo parent to their four sons, Kelci faced the fear of her children losing her too. Her profound loss is not merely a story of sorrow, but a crusade for transformation as her determination to RISE and thrive became her driving force. With a blend of professional expertise and a deeply personal journey as a widow and solo parent, Kelci possesses a strong foundation and a unique perspective. She is passionately committed to providing support and guiding others along their grief journey.
Our conversation takes us through the raw reality of confronting loss and examining its various stages, including the death of a loved one and personal identity crises. Kelci's insights illuminate the critical role of self-awareness amidst turmoil, underscoring the significance of understanding grief's physical expressions and the calmness found in deep breathing exercises. This episode reaches the core of parenting in pain, as Kelci shares the essential need for patience and self-care when not only grieving her loss but also the need to be able to guide her children through their grieving process as well. Together, we affirm that in the midst of life's darkest storms, there can be a guiding light for ourselves and our children.
Kelci's transformation from grieving to growth illustrates an inspiring picture for all who listen. She recounts the major impact that grief therapy on her and her life and how it laid the groundwork for her passion for life coaching, which ultimately led to the creation of Rise With Grief. She shares with us the organization's offerings, including individual coaching and support groups, all built on the conviction that we can ascend in tandem with our grief. Kelsey's vibrant social media presence, her upcoming book, and a free grief guide embody her commitment to turning the tides of pain into a mission of healing, offering a compass to those journeying through the terrain of loss.
High quality, clean nutrition and beauty products: https://shellyjefferis.isagenix
Thank you for listening to the Words of Wellness podcast with Shelly Jefferis. I am honored and so grateful to have you here and it would mean the world to me if you could take a minute to follow, leave a 5-star review and share the podcast with anyone you love and anyone you feel could benefit from the message.
Thank you and God Bless! And remember to do something for yourself, for your wellness on this day!
When we face the unimaginable, where do we find the strength to carry on? Kelci Jager, a Certified Life Coach, Grief Coach, and Registered Nurse, found herself navigating the challenging terrain of grief when she lost her 40-year-old husband to leukemia. Left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life as a solo parent to their four sons, Kelci faced the fear of her children losing her too. Her profound loss is not merely a story of sorrow, but a crusade for transformation as her determination to RISE and thrive became her driving force. With a blend of professional expertise and a deeply personal journey as a widow and solo parent, Kelci possesses a strong foundation and a unique perspective. She is passionately committed to providing support and guiding others along their grief journey.
Our conversation takes us through the raw reality of confronting loss and examining its various stages, including the death of a loved one and personal identity crises. Kelci's insights illuminate the critical role of self-awareness amidst turmoil, underscoring the significance of understanding grief's physical expressions and the calmness found in deep breathing exercises. This episode reaches the core of parenting in pain, as Kelci shares the essential need for patience and self-care when not only grieving her loss but also the need to be able to guide her children through their grieving process as well. Together, we affirm that in the midst of life's darkest storms, there can be a guiding light for ourselves and our children.
Kelci's transformation from grieving to growth illustrates an inspiring picture for all who listen. She recounts the major impact that grief therapy on her and her life and how it laid the groundwork for her passion for life coaching, which ultimately led to the creation of Rise With Grief. She shares with us the organization's offerings, including individual coaching and support groups, all built on the conviction that we can ascend in tandem with our grief. Kelsey's vibrant social media presence, her upcoming book, and a free grief guide embody her commitment to turning the tides of pain into a mission of healing, offering a compass to those journeying through the terrain of loss.
High quality, clean nutrition and beauty products: https://shellyjefferis.isagenix
Thank you for listening to the Words of Wellness podcast with Shelly Jefferis. I am honored and so grateful to have you here and it would mean the world to me if you could take a minute to follow, leave a 5-star review and share the podcast with anyone you love and anyone you feel could benefit from the message.
Thank you and God Bless! And remember to do something for yourself, for your wellness on this day!
In Health, Shelly Jefferis
Speaker 1:
I just knew, like in my, in my, that, in my soul, I knew this was my purpose, that I was going to be able to turn my pain into purpose and create something beautiful. And so I started my company Rise With Grief, because you don't ever get over grief, you don't move on from it, but you can learn to rise with it.
Speaker 2:
Do you get confused by all of the information that Babar does every day on ways to improve our overall health and our overall wellness? Do you often feel stuck, unmotivated or struggle to reach your wellness goals? Do you have questions as to what exercises you should be doing, what foods you should or should not be eating, how to improve your overall emotional and mental well-being? Hello everyone, I am so excited to welcome you to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelly Jeffries and I will be your host. My goal is to answer these questions and so much more to share tips, education and inspiration around all of the components of wellness through solo and guest episodes. With 35 plus years as a health and wellness professional, a retired college professor, a speaker and a multi-passionate entrepreneur, I certainly have lots to share. However, my biggest goal and inspiration in doing this podcast is to share the wellness stories of others with you, to bring in guests who can share their journey so that we can all learn together while making an impact on the health, the wellness and lives of all of you, our listeners. The ultimate hope is that you leave today with even just one nugget that can enhance the quality of your life, and that you will. We all will, now and into the future, live our best quality of lives, full of energy, happiness and joy. Now let's dive into our message for today.
Speaker 2:
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelly and I am your host, and I am very excited to introduce to you today our guest. She is a certified life coach, a grief coach and a registered nurse, and she experienced the unthinkable when her husband, who was 40 years old, lost his battle with leukemia. She was left as a single parent of four boys and as a widow and single parent, it was her determination to rise and thrive, and that has led her to supporting others and guiding them along their grief journeys as well. So welcome to this show, kelsey, so happy to have you. Hi, shelly, thank you for having me Absolutely, and I know this is going to be a powerful, powerful episode and I'm sure you have lots to share, and so I'm gonna just let you start. Take it away Like I can't even imagine going through what you went through. How many years has it been since your husband died?
Speaker 1:
It's been about a year and a half, so my husband passed away in July of 2022. It's been a struggle, to say the least. It's been really, really, really challenging. Nothing can prepare you for something like this, and you can only imagine right. And as bad as you imagine it to be, it's a thousand times worse.
Speaker 1:
So my husband and I have, like you said in my intro, we have four sons and he and I led a very active and healthy lifestyle. We worked together. We were self-employed, we had our own business, so we worked together. So our routine was that we'd get the boys off to school and then we would head to the gym together and we'd work out and then we'd come home and get started on work. For the day.
Speaker 1:
We worked from home, and in December of 2020, my husband and I did our normal workout routine in the morning and he used to love to tell me how heavy the weights he pushed and he flexes muscles and he was a big guy. He was really buff and so he's doing that. I'm kind of rolling my eyes. It's like his normal thing that he does, and he was telling me how excited he was. He had a personal best chest press weight and I was like oh great, you know, I'll stroke your ego. Okay, good job, honey. And the next day he woke up and said my chest hurts. And I was like well, you lifted a really heavy weights Yesterday. It's your probably sore from that. And he was like yeah, you're right, it probably is, but it feels a little bit different.
Speaker 2:
And.
Speaker 1:
I was like, well, I'm sure that's all it is. So a couple of days went by and his chest still was hurting and he was like it doesn't feel like muscles, it feels like the cartilage between the bones of the ribs and the sternum. And he said it feels like that hurts. And I was like, well, that's weird. And so we thought he didn't wanna go to the doctor and it was also during COVID. So I was like, yeah, I'm not like too keen on you go into the doctor either, but we thought it was costochondritis, which is basically like an inflammation of that cartilage between the bones and it can be caused by lifting something from me. So I'm like okay. Like he checked the symptoms perfectly, so we thought it was that and this was about two weeks before the new year, so it was kind of around Christmas time, and he just wasn't feeling that great, but it wasn't terrible. Like he was, like you know, just feeling like a little off and he would take Tylenol and Motrin Burst Chest Didn't think much of it, right, like he's totally healthy.
Speaker 1:
Then, on January 2nd of the new year so now we're in 2021. He spiked a fever and I was like something's wrong. You still have this chest pain, like something's off. It was a Saturday, so his regular doctor wasn't open. I'm like just the urgent care by our house I don't love. So I was like just go to the emergency room Like your chest hurts, you have a fever, like you need to go get checked out.
Speaker 1:
So he drove himself to the emergency room. We thought it was just gonna be a quick, you know a quick visit, when it wasn't he. When he was in the emergency room, he really tanked, he took a turn for the worse and he was admitted and after about a week of intensive testing they couldn't find anything wrong with him. Yet he was getting sicker before our eyes and finally they were like well, let's test for leukemia. And they were like it's not this. Like oncologist said I don't think it's this, we're just gonna check it just in case, but I really don't think it's this. And sure enough, it was leukemia. So that started our journey, every single month's journey of leukemia treatment, which is health, it's absolute health. And unfortunately, in the end, he succumbed to the disease and he passed away in July of 2022.
Speaker 2:
I first of all, I wanna honor you for sharing this, and I like feel emotional. I don't know how you're doing it. It feels like it's so. I'm sure it feels like it was just yesterday, but it was not that long ago. Not that long ago, oh.
Speaker 1:
Mm-mm. You know, in some ways it feels like it was a lifetime ago and in some ways it feels like it was just yesterday.
Speaker 2:
And he had. Like you're saying, he was healthy. He had no indication of any illness whatsoever. Right, it just went on so quickly.
Speaker 1:
Zero, zero, like he didn't take any prescription medications. I mean he was like picture perfect of a 39 year old.
Speaker 2:
And I can't imagine and it was just a matter of months. You know I share often that we have to be proactive with our health and do what we can. That's in our control. But it's never a guarantee right, it's never. It doesn't mean you just let yourself go, of course, but you just never know. I think it's just another testament to the point that we just don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. And it's so easy to get wrapped up in our day to day lives and forget the fact that life is so very precious. And I can't imagine going through what you went through. I mean, it all happened so fast and he was so very young. How old are your boys?
Speaker 1:
So our oldest son is 19, and then we have a 17 year old, 14, and our youngest just turned 11 last week.
Speaker 2:
And how are they? How are they doing?
Speaker 1:
You know, I think they're doing as best as can be expected. It's very challenging for all of us. It's not natural for a child who lose a parent so young, and so there's like this whole identity shift, like they're so different from their friends now and there's so many things that their dad, colin he was such an involved father and so there's just so many things that if he was here he would 100% be involved in, and he's not and I try as I might to be all the things I can't replace their dad, and so there's just this huge void that is so palpable and ever present and it is absolutely devastating and heartbreaking. But at the same time, the boys are doing really, really well, considering they haven't let this define them and they recognize it as part of their story, but it's not their whole story. Wow, wow, what do you?
Speaker 2:
think has helped them to? What do you think has helped them to to cope with this and yourself, like what? What can you share? Just maybe just a little bit about what have you done through the whole journey to to help you all come through that?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, um, well, first of all, I'd say the number one thing that has helped my children is my example for them. I, you know, they lean on me and they turn to me as to how to navigate this journey, and so I and I don't take that responsibility lightly. So I lead by example as best I can. I'm definitely not perfect. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and I'll lose it way more than I should, and I'm like, and then, you know, I come down really hard on myself and I'm like I can't do this, or you know this is too hard, or I'm failing it as a mom. But, um, with that being said, those moments are few and far between compared to, you know, the moments where I am thriving, more than just surviving. I am thriving, and because of that, the boys are also thriving.
Speaker 1:
So one of the things with grief and grief can come from any sort of loss um, it doesn't just have to come from the loss from debt, but it can come from divorce or loss of a friendship or, you know, loss of a career, loss of identity, so many things, um, but grief is a natural response to loss and it brings with it so many overwhelming emotions and feelings and its whole body experience. Um, the path to healing involves acknowledging and accepting those emotions and then feelings. And accepting, allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotion section with grief, and to know that it's okay to be sad and angry and scared and it's okay to have feelings of regret and guilt. You have to acknowledge all these feelings in order to process them. One thing that I wasn't aware until I got into this work and I wish I would have known this when my husband was first diagnosed and when he was going through treatment because I suffered so much and I suffered silently because I was not the one that had cancer. So, after all, I didn't have permission. This is my beliefs, right? Not necessarily it was true, but I felt like I didn't have permission to to grieve. I didn't have permission to fall apart. I had to be strong for him, I had to be strong for the kids, um, so I suffered so much silently.
Speaker 1:
But after he died and I got into um life, coaching work and and healing myself, I came to the realization that you have to process your feelings in your body. They're not processed in the mind. So when you have an emotion that comes up, you have to find where it manifests physically in your body and then allow yourself to fully feel and acknowledge those physical sensations. By tuning into your body's response to emotions, you can better understand and process them, and I didn't know that. So when I had that tightness in my chest and that pit in my stomach and the tension in my shoulders, I tried to resist it and that just made it a hundred times worse. And it wasn't until I was able to identify what emotions I was feeling and recognize where they lived in my body and practice techniques like deep breathing and gentle movement. I was then able to offer myself compression and understanding in those areas to help release and process the emotion.
Speaker 2:
This is so important, kelsey, and I so appreciate you for sharing all of this, because I think it's so important for all of us and for all of the listeners to be reminded of this, and it's something that I've shared along my journey. I lost both of my parents, and so I can so relate to what you're saying is that you never always know how those emotions are going to come up. However, I learned and knew early on the importance was, like you're saying, to go through them and experience them, because it could be completely unexpected, right when you just your it. For me personally and I'm sure you've gone through this it could be a place that you go, or someplace that reminds you of them, or a song. That's when I get emotional.
Speaker 2:
Many times I'll be driving in, a certain song will come on, and so I think it's just being open and understanding. You just never know when it's going to come, and the importance part is to go through it. The important of that is just so critical to experience those emotions as they come. And I wanted to say to going back to you and being a mom, I hope you give yourself grace, I hope you give yourself patience, because you, from what I can see you're just so calming and your presence is very peaceful, and so that I would just want to give you credit and recognize you for what you're doing and what you have done and what you continue to do, because I'm so impressed.
Speaker 1:
Thank you so much. I mean I do. I'm a work in progress. I preach self compassion to my clients all day long, and but I am human and sometimes I'm not so compassionate with myself when I feel like I'm not as patient with my children as I should be. But but yeah, I basically I mostly am pretty good.
Speaker 2:
Well, and you have to think, right, that that's happens in normal circumstances, right, where none of us are perfect and we're all on this journey and we all get impatient or have our days, and so in a quote, quote, normal situation. We all go through that. So it, I'm sure it's just escalated for you and you know, I guess it's just you've been able to to work through this and I and I know it's like you say, you're still working through it it's not, it's not going to be something that just goes away ever probably at all.
Speaker 2:
And I think that you have, in a wonderful, beautiful way. You have turned this into something positive and great, where you're working with and helping others go through similar experiences. So can you share with us a little bit about what that looks like and what you have created?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so I. So it started. I never planned on doing this. I never set out to be like, oh, I'm going to be a great coach or even really know what life coaching really entailed.
Speaker 1:
But after my husband died I was not okay, obviously, and I found a grief therapist and I worked closely with her and she helped me process those early emotions and overwhelming thoughts and all the things. But then I felt like I hit a brief plateau, meaning that like I was better than I was in the early days, like the really early days of grief, like I was able to get out of bed and I was going through the motions. I wasn't happy, I wasn't experiencing real joy, and so I was like there's got to be something more. Like this is just I wasn't okay with settling for that. I wasn't okay with, like, where my life was and because I had such a beautiful, full and rich life before that and I knew what was possible, and I was just like I was not okay with that and so it's like there's got to be something more. So I I signed up to for a life coaching school and I didn't think like with no intentions of doing this, zero, but it was just so transformative and it helped me so much that I was just like, just knew, like in my, in my, that in my soul I knew this was my purpose. I was going to be able to turn my pain into purpose and create something beautiful.
Speaker 1:
And so I started my company rise with grief, because you don't ever get over grief, you don't move on from it, but you can learn to rise with it. And so, because I was left, I burned to the ground. I was left as a pile of rubble and ash and I'm rising as the whole damn fire. And so I that's why I'm supposed to my company rise with grief. And so I offer one-on-one coaching and I also offer group coaching for those that are bereaved and are grieving the loss of a loved one. And I take anybody, it doesn't matter where they are on their grief journey. So I've had clients where it's been five years and I have other clients where it's been five weeks. I meet my clients where they are and I give them the tools and the knowledge and the self-coaching tools to be able to rise with their grief, and they the knowledge. They don't have to settle for a life that's less than their life can. They can be absolutely devastated and have a beautiful life.
Speaker 2:
That's beautiful. That's beautiful and, like you say, this has become your mission, your purpose and you know it's. I mean, it's so hard to think, you know what you had to go through, but you're using it now for good and impacting so many people's lives and it's just wonderful. Wonderful what you are doing and I know we're going to share. I will share in the show notes, but how can people reach you or contact you, kelsey?
Speaker 1:
So my website is risewithgriefcom and blog on there. You can learn all about my programs. I'm going to sign up for my free grief guide, my weekly emails that I send brief tips and insights on social media. I'm pretty active on social media and I'm constantly posting things that I would think would be helpful for anybody that's grieving. I can be found on Instagram, kelseyjaker, or on Facebook. It's Kelsey Jaker. I'm also in the process of writing a book, so I'm super excited about that. Hopefully that will be done by the end of this year and, yeah, they can email me Kelsey risewithgriefcom.
Speaker 2:
Well, that's wonderful. You're writing a book we will just we'll have to have you back for sure and share when that time comes. And again, you're impacting so many lives. This is such a needed.
Speaker 2:
I don't want to say service, but just support people feeling like I remember going through it was more so after my dad died and that was more recent and going through just that phase of just I couldn't, I don't, I couldn't come out of it.
Speaker 2:
So I can understand to a point, even though obviously yours was much more extreme. But just being able to have that support system and people to talk to, and people to cry with and to grieve with, and to understand that there's not really any normal about it. Everybody's going to experience it differently, but you can be there to guide them and to hold their hand and support them and I just think that's it's priceless. So thank you so much for what you're doing and I really appreciate you sharing, kelsey I mean, it's a you're a strong woman for sure, and I can't wait to see everything that you do and this is going to be such an important message for our listeners and for anyone who has or is going through any kind of grieving. I encourage you to reach out to Kelsey because you can hear she's just a beautiful person and so calming and will be so supportive in whatever it is you're going through. So what would be some lasting tips you want to share, kelsey, just to help those who might be going through something similar?
Speaker 1:
We have some, some little nuggets. A lot of times, grief can make you feel like you're going crazy. I thought I was going crazy after my husband died. It's very important to seek for support and allow others to help you, to lean on your people, whether that's family, friends or even online communities and support groups. Talking about and finding other people who understand what you're going through becomes crucial, and knowing that you're not alone and in realizing that what you are experiencing is normal and that you aren't going crazy, and also to make sure that you take care of yourself. When grieving, it's very easy to become apathetic and not care enough or even have the strength to care for yourself. But eating well, getting enough sleep, moving your body whatever that looks it could be a walk, it could be dancing, it could be swimming, whatever it looks for you makes such a difference in how you feel, because it expands our bandwidth, which then gives us the space and capacity to process our emotions in a healthy way.
Speaker 2:
That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, because that is such a critical reminder and so easy to let ourselves go in going through something like this. And that is such an important reminder because that you're right, that's what's going to help us. It's not going to make everything better, but it's certainly going to help through the process Absolutely, wow. Well, thank you, kelsey, again so much. I really appreciate your time.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, thank you, shelly, I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I really appreciate you and, like I said, I just honor you and all that you are doing and thank you for what you're doing and I can't wait to see all the lives are going to impact. Thank you so much and thank you everyone for listening. Have a wonderful rest of your week and, as always, do something for yourself and your wellness on this day and each day, and until next time, have a blessed week. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
Speaker 2:
I hope you gained value and enjoyed our time together as much as I did, and if you know someone who could benefit from today's episode, I would love and appreciate it if you could share with a friend or rate and review words of wellness so that more can hear this message. I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and if you have any questions or topics you would like me to share in future episodes, please don't hesitate to reach out to me through my contact information that is shared in the show notes below. Again, thank you for tuning in to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelley Jeffries and I encourage you to do something for you, for your wellness, on this day. Until next time, I hope you all have a healthy, happy and blessed week.
