On this episode of "The ARTwork of YOU," Lori Gouhin shares an enlightening approach to reexamine our past and reframe the way we think and speak about it.
She explores the malleability of memory, the power of reframing, and the role of forgiveness in reshaping our past experiences. Through practical examples and insightful reflections, Lori encourages us to consider the impact of our own life stories and how we can transform our perspectives.
Listen in as she unravels the complexities of memory, gives practical examples on how to reframe and learn how to embrace the power of intentional and purposeful growth.
Join Lori as she helps you reframe your past so you can live empowered in the present and create a bright future for yourself.
This episode will challenge you to reconsider your past, reimagine your future, and unleash the masterpiece within you.
Episode Highlights:
- Memories are not fixed, but influenced by emotions, beliefs, and current perceptions
- Personal narratives and stories about our lives evolve over time
- Techniques for Changing the Perception of the Past
- Practical examples demonstrating how to reframe negative thoughts about past events
- Exploring the journey of forgiveness and its liberating nature
- Empowering oneself through changed perspectives on past events
Thank you for sharing your time with me and remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because YOU are the ARTwork!!!
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Lori Gouhin [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the artwork of you, the.
Lori Gouhin [00:00:04]:
Podcast where your life is the canvas and you are the masterpiece. I'm your host, Lori Gouhin, and together we'll explore creativity, self awareness, mindset, goal strategy, and the importance of accountability so that you can paint your life's portrait with confidence and ease. Remember, in the gallery of life, you're not just a spectator, you are the art. So let's grab our brushes and start creating the masterpiece that is you.
Lori Gouhin [00:00:32]:
Hello, my friends. I am so glad that you are.
Lori Gouhin [00:00:35]:
Here with me today.
Lori Gouhin [00:00:36]:
Because today I want to talk about the past and specifically how you might be able to change it. Because we've all been there, right? Holding on to our memories and stories like little keepsakes. But really, when it comes down to it, those memories and stories can sometimes be more like anchors, holding us down and keeping us from moving on. So I want to explore how changing your thoughts and perspectives can, in a very real sense, change your past. And you might be thinking, change the past? Isn't that impossible? Well, let's talk about it and see how our understanding of our past isn't as fixed as we might think. It's actually more complex and malleable than it might initially seem. So first we need to understand that memory is actually always changing. First, we need to understand that memory is actually always changing.
Lori Gouhin [00:01:26]:
It's not like a video recording that precisely captures events. And did you know that every time you recall a memory, you reconstruct it? And this reconstruction is influenced by your current emotions, beliefs, and even by the very act of remembering itself. So, in other words, we all engage in selective memory from time to time to some extent. And this means unconsciously, we highlight certain events and minimize others based on our current beliefs and emotional states. For example, if we're feeling down, we're more likely to remember negative events, which then in turn reinforces our current mood. And our past perceptions are also reshaped by our present experiences and knowledge. For example, have you ever revisited a childhood place and been surprised at how different it seemed? As we grow and change, our understanding and our interpretations of past events can really shift dramatically. We all create these personal narratives and stories about our lives, and they're not fixed, they evolve as we do.
Lori Gouhin [00:02:28]:
So how you interpret and integrate your past experiences into the story of your life significantly influences your identity and your self perception. Our emotions play a crucial role in how we remember the past. Emotional events are more vividly remembered, and this can be both a blessing and a curse, because it can keep joyful memories alive, which is great but it can also prolong the pain of traumatic memories. And your perception is so heavily influenced also by your cognitive biases. And these are mental shortcuts that your brain uses to simplify information processing. And it can lead to distorted perceptions, especially of the past. For instance, the hindsight bias might make you believe that you should have known how something would turn out, even though there's no way you could have predicted it. And we also tend to remember information that confirms our preexisting beliefs and attitudes.
Lori Gouhin [00:03:21]:
And this selective perception can also reinforce negative views of your past if you're not careful. And it can also affect your current worldview, making it almost like a self fulfilling prophecy. And so it's important to realize that our memories can sometimes be inaccurate. Each time you remember something, you reconstruct that memory and you incorporate your current perceptions and understandings. And that means that your perception of the past, it evolves over time. False memories can form, and details can be unknowingly fabricated or altered. And now, this doesn't mean that your memories are necessarily unreliable, but it highlights the complexity of how we store and retrieve our memories. And two people can experience the same event but remember it very differently.
Lori Gouhin [00:04:05]:
And this is because our memories are not just records of the event, but they're a mix of fact and interpretation. And I don't know about you, but my mom and my sister and I often remember things very differently from each other. Sometimes the three of us will have a completely different memory of a shared experience. And sometimes maybe two of us will remember it in a very similar way, and one of us will remember it completely differently. So your perceptions of past memories are also often influenced by how you communicate about them. Meaning, the language that you use, the stories you share with others, and the feedback you receive can all reshape your perceptions of what actually happened. This can even include being influenced by cultural or social context. The values, the beliefs, and the norms of our society can shape how we interpret past events, sometimes even subconsciously.
Lori Gouhin [00:04:56]:
So your social interactions and the opinions of those around you can definitely shape your perception. And social conformity, for instance, can lead you to perceive events in a way that aligns with the views of your social group. Ultimately, understanding the role of perception in your interpretation of memories is, as I said earlier, about recognizing that they are somewhat fluid and change throughout time. It involves acknowledging that your perceptions are not fixed truths, but interpretations shaped by various factors. And by becoming aware of these influences and questioning your automatic perceptions, you can gain a deeper and more nuanced understanding of your past and yourself. So that's a lot of information. What can we do with this information, and how can we use it to, in essence, change our past? One technique that can be really useful is called reframing. And reframing is a technique that involves changing the way we interpret and give meaning to events in our lives.
Lori Gouhin [00:05:55]:
It's about looking at the same facts through a different lens, not changing the facts themselves. And this is especially powerful when you're dealing with the past, as it allows us to shift our perspective from a negative or unproductive view to one that's more positive and empowering. And at its core, reframing is a form of cognitive restructuring. So it involves challenging and changing our automatic thoughts and beliefs and attitudes about our past events. And it's about asking, is there another way to view the situation? When our initial framing of an event is negative, reframing helps us to find a more positive or neutral angle. So it's not about lying to ourselves or denying the reality of what happened. It's just about finding a perspective that empowers us. So let me give you some practical examples of what that might sound like.
Lori Gouhin [00:06:46]:
For example, if you had a job loss, your negative framing might be, I lost my job and that's a disaster. You can reframe that to this is an opportunity to explore new career paths and find something that aligns better with my passion and skills. Or maybe you've had a relationship that ended in the past, and your memory of that is that breakup means that I failed at the relationship. You can reframe that to the end of that relationship gave me a chance to learn more about myself and what I truly value in a partner. Maybe you've received criticism in the past and you think of that like that criticism means I'm not good enough. You can reframe that. That feedback is valuable tool. You can reframe that to that feedback is a valuable tool for my personal and professional growth.
Lori Gouhin [00:07:38]:
Maybe you've had health challenges, and your thoughts on that are my health challenges limit me to what I can do, and you can reframe that to. Navigating this health challenge has taught me resilience, and it's given me new perspective on what's truly important in my life. So the language that we use to describe our past, it can significantly influence our perception of it. And by consciously changing the words in the story that you tell yourself and that you tell others, you can create a more positive memory. So instead of saying I was hurt by them, you might say, I learned to be stronger because of my experiences. Instead of saying I suffered a lot, you might say I overcame many challenges. Rather than saying I was betrayed, try saying I learned to trust myself. Instead of saying I was broken.
Lori Gouhin [00:08:30]:
You might say I'm rebuilding myself stronger. And by becoming aware of this internal and external dialogue and actively changing it, you can, as I said, change your memory to be a more positive experience. And if you have trouble doing this or you're resistant to this, you might want to think of it like looking for the silver lining. In other words, find something positive in a seemingly negative situation. Focus on what was gained rather than what was lost. You can also try changing roles. So try to see the situation from another's perspective. And this can provide new insights and lessen the and this can provide new insights and lessen the emotional impact of past events.
Lori Gouhin [00:09:19]:
Doing this helped me immensely in healing some of my past childhood traumas and memories. You can also try scaling down. So, for example, if a past event feels really overwhelmingly negative, try to scale it down and ask, all right, how much will this matter in 510 20 years? And so this isn't about deciding who is right or who is wrong or anything like that, but it's just about understanding the flexibility of your perspective and acknowledge. I acknowledge the fundamental truth that we can't change the events that already happened. The past, in its factual form, is unchangeable, of course. However, the way we perceive, interpret, and remember these events is always under our control, and that's where our power lies. Each of us has a story about our life. The narrative is powerful, and it shapes our self esteem, our expectations, and our future.
Lori Gouhin [00:10:23]:
So now think about your own life story. Are there chapters you feel? And so now think about your own life story. Are there chapters that you view negatively? Can you rewrite those chapters to highlight strength, growth, or learning? Again, changing your perspective doesn't mean you're denying the pain or difficulty of past events. It's about choosing to focus on aspects that empower you and about moving from a victim narrative to one of a survivor, or even possibly a thriver. And mindfulness can help you to detach from your habitual interpretation of the past, because, in essence, they are kind of those thoughts and those memories become habit. We tell the same story in the same way time and time again. So being present will learn to let go of that constant replaying of the old stories, and it'll allow us to see things in a new light. So if you find yourself often arguing with your past and how it should have been because you believe it should have been different.
Lori Gouhin [00:11:26]:
I encourage you to rethink that, because your past actually no longer exists. The only thing that exists are the thoughts that you have about it and what you are making those thoughts mean about yourself and about your life and about others. It's those thoughts that are affecting you now, not your past. And before we end, I want to take a moment to talk about forgiveness. Because sometimes that's an essential part of giving new meaning to your past memories. And forgiveness is often misunderstood, because forgiving doesn't mean you're saying what you did was okay. It's not about condoning hurtful actions or inflicted trauma. It's about liberating yourself from them.
Lori Gouhin [00:12:05]:
A journey inward, where you confront the pain, you acknowledge it, and then you gently release it. And it's a series of. And this doesn't always happen in an instant, right? It's a series of moments. Each one is a step towards a lighter, freer self. It means, I'm not letting this hurt control me anymore. And I once heard someone say it's like unloading a backpack full of rocks that you didn't even realize you were carrying. So it's for you. It's not for them.
Lori Gouhin [00:12:41]:
And so while we can't change past events, we can change how we view them, how we let them define us, and how we integrate them into the story of our life. It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs about what those events mean. And I encourage you to reflect on this. Maybe start a journal. Talk about it with friends or family, or just think about it and get curious about it in your quiet moments. How can you apply this understanding to transform your own past? Because the power is in your hands. And, well, perhaps miraculously, the power is in your mind. So changing your past again, it's not just about moving on.
Lori Gouhin [00:13:19]:
It's about moving forward with intention and with purpose. About learning, growing, and changing your perspective. Remember, the past is part of your story, but it's not the whole story. Your future is unwritten and it's waiting for you to seize it. So I'm looking forward to hearing your insights and your experiences about this. So please reach out to me and share.
Lori Gouhin [00:13:59]:
That's a wrap for today, my friends. Thank you for sharing your time with me. And remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are, because you are the artwork. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Have a fabulous day.