On this episode of "The ARTwork of YOU," Lori Gouhin shares the profound influence of relationships on our personal growth and journey toward our goals.
From the impact of early relationships on our beliefs and self-esteem to the subtle ways different connections can shape our lives, Lori explores how relationships both positively and negatively affect our paths. She shares personal anecdotes, insightful reflections, and practical tips on identifying and nurturing growth-oriented relationships while setting boundaries in unbalanced ones.
Drawing from her own experiences, she offers relatable anecdotes, thought-provoking reflections, and actionable advice on discerning growth-oriented relationships while establishing healthy boundaries in imbalanced ones.
Join Lori as she empowers us to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections, empowering us to take control of crafting our own life masterpieces.
Tune in to discover how you can embrace transformative relationships and embark on a journey towards personal growth and fulfillment.
Episode Highlights:
- The Influence of Relationships on Personal Growth and Goals
- Identifying Unbalanced and Restrictive Relationships
- Building Growth-Oriented Relationships
- Evaluating and Nurturing Relationships for Personal Development
Thank you for sharing your time with me and remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because YOU are the ARTwork!!!
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Lori Gouhin [00:00:02]:
Welcome to the artwork of you, the podcast where your life is the canvas.
Lori Gouhin [00:00:07]:
And you are the masterpiece. I'm your host, Lori Gouhin, and together we'll explore creativity, self awareness, mindset, goal strategy, and the importance of accountability so that you can paint your life's portrait with confidence and ease. Remember, in the gallery of life, you're not just a spectator, you are the art. So let's grab our brushes and start creating the masterpiece that is you.
Lori Gouhin [00:00:32]:
Hello, my friends. I am so glad that you are here with me today, because today I want to talk about something that is very close to my heart, and that is how our relationships influence us and our journey towards our goals and personal growth. So whether you're 25, 45, or 65, it doesn't matter. The people in your lives can and will significantly shape your path. So let's talk about relationships. Think about it. Have you ever noticed how you're different around different people? Why is that? Relationships shape us, but they shouldn't box us in. And to be clear, I'm not just talking about romantic relationships.
Lori Gouhin [00:01:11]:
Friends, family, colleagues, et cetera. Have you ever felt like you're not quite yourself in certain company? Maybe you're quieter? Or perhaps you're pretending to enjoy conversations that don't actually interest you. These are little signs that relationships might be holding you back in some way. So, clearly, relationships hold a lot of power in our lives. When you think about it, our first views of the world, our beliefs, even our self esteem, are often shaped by our early relationships with family. And as we grow, friends, teachers, partners, and colleagues all contribute to this evolving self image that we have. And some will affirm our beliefs, others might challenge them. And many will help us to see the world from a different perspective.
Lori Gouhin [00:01:54]:
And so I first want to talk about how our relationships influence us. Can you identify someone who significantly influenced your choices or your view of the world? And how did their influence shape you? Was it in alignment with your true self? Because balancing the influence of others with our own inner voice is so important, healthy relationships should support and respect our individuality, not overshadow it. And they should encourage us to be our best selves, not change us into something we're not. And our relationships are not just social connections. They're almost like the building blocks of our identity. And when you think about the people who have influenced you, for better or worse, how many of you have made a significant life decision based on a relationship? It could be anything, a career choice, a hobby, or even your fashion style. This influence can be a double edged sword, because it can sometimes lead to growth, or it can sometimes lead to losing sight of who you really are. For example, the main reason I moved from California back to Pennsylvania while I was in college was for a relationship with a guy that I had only known for less than six months.
Lori Gouhin [00:03:03]:
And now that guy eventually became my husband, and we're still married 31 years later. So I guess you can say it all worked out. And I think that part of that is because from the moment I met him, I always said that I never felt more like me until I met him. And so he helped me grow into who I truly was. But on the flip side of that, another example, and I don't know if you've seen the. I guess it's not new anymore, but the fairly new Elvis movie that was done recently from priscilla perspective. In it, they showed that Elvis basically decided what she could and could not wear. And I was surprised by that.
Lori Gouhin [00:03:44]:
But I bet it's more common than some of you might think. And I would say that's an example of letting a relationship allow you to lose sight of who you really are. Consider this. Have you ever picked up a bad habit or lost interest in something once meaningful to you? Or even altered a life goal due to a relationship? Think about these changes. Are they in harmony with your core self? Or are they deviations from your true path? Or maybe the opposite is true. Maybe you've picked up new habits and gained interest in something new that you might enjoy that are good for you. Or maybe you're setting exciting new goals because of a new relationship that you have. So it's important to discern whether these influences are helping you grow or inadvertently holding you back.
Lori Gouhin [00:04:27]:
Here's an example that you can do. Jot down five people. The five people that you spend the most time with, and next to each name, write down what you feel you've gained from that relationship and what, if anything, you feel that you've had to compromise on. This simple reflection can be quite revealing about how these relationships are influencing you in ways that you might not be aware of. And remember, the goal is not to resist influence, because that's impossible. The goal is to be just aware of it and ensure that it aligns with your true self and your life's path. Again, healthy relationships. They should encourage us to be our best selves, not change us into someone we're not.
Lori Gouhin [00:05:07]:
It's easy to get swept up in others expectations and desires, especially in close relationships. However, losing ourselves in the process is a high price to pay. A relationship that requires you to change your fundamental self is a relationship you might want to reconsider. I also want to talk a bit about how you might find yourself in unbalanced relationships from time to time. And these are relationships where there's a consistent lack of reciprocity. Or you might find your ideas and identity being overshadowed or possibly even being imitated by the other person. Unbalanced relationships often have a pattern of one person constantly giving and the other taking. If you find yourself always adjusting your needs, continually offering support without receiving any or noticing your ideas and personal attributes being copied or claimed by someone else, these are red flags, and it's important to acknowledge these patterns, even if it's challenging.
Lori Gouhin [00:06:03]:
So, for example, you might have that one friend who, as my husband likes to say, throws up on you, meaning you pick up the phone or you see them in person and they just start talking, generally about themselves or what's going on in their life. And they don't take a breath. They go on forever and ever, never once taking the attention off of themselves. And when they're done, they're ready to hang up or go home. They haven't even asked you one question or engaged in conversation, really, they're just talking at you. So remember, they should be a two way street, a balance of give and take for the most part. And now I understand that. Of course, sometimes relationships become unbalanced, particularly when someone is going through a difficult situation.
Lori Gouhin [00:06:45]:
However, if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who constantly seems to be caught up in one type of drama or another, you might want to reconsider that relationship. Or you might have a friend or a colleague who is continually taking credit for your ideas, imitating something that's unique to you, or maybe your style, the places you travel, maybe the way you speak. Keep in mind that imitation is not flattery if it feels like theft. And also your creative or your professional ideas should always be respected and credited to you. And often this happens because that person is not confident in who they are, often stemming from unworthiness or other limiting beliefs. However, that does not make it okay. You might also find yourself in relationships with restrictive patterns. So, for example, maybe sometimes you feel like you're wearing a mask in certain relationships.
Lori Gouhin [00:07:38]:
Maybe you're not expressing your true thoughts and feelings. This is a sign of a restrictive pattern. It's when we adjust ourselves too much to fit into a relationship, losing bits of who we are in the process. Restrictive patterns in relationships will often manifest as feelings of discomfort, dissatisfaction, or a sense of being stuck. It could be a relationship where your opinions are frequently dismissed, or you find yourself constantly conforming to avoid conflict. Walking on eggshells, as they say. Maybe you're in a dynamic where you're always the one making sacrifices. These patterns can leave you feeling drained, undervalued, and disconnected from your true self.
Lori Gouhin [00:08:18]:
Think about a time when you agreed to do something against your better judgment just to keep the peace. Or consider a scenario where you're constantly downplaying your achievements to avoid making someone else feel insecure and not good about themselves. And these are classic examples of restrictive patterns. Do you recognize any of these patterns in your current relationships? Often they stem from our deep seated needs or fears, the need for approval, the fear of conflict, or the desire to be needed. Understanding the root cause of why we fall into these patterns is the first step toward changing them. So the key for all of this is self awareness. Do you feel drained after spending time with certain people? Do you find yourself agreeing to things you'd normally disagree with? These are all red flags. And when you find yourself in these kind of relationships, you can start setting small boundaries.
Lori Gouhin [00:09:08]:
Practice saying no to small things, much like a muscle training for your self esteem and identity. We also need to recognize all of this goes both ways. In other words, while we're shaped by those around us, we also impact them. So be honest with yourself about how you're showing up in the relationships that you have. Are you a positive influence? Are you maintaining a sense of balance? Are you respecting others individuality and ideas? So what do you do if you find that you're in need of better relationships? Where are you going to find these people? So let's talk about building growth oriented relationships. These are the relationships that not only make us feel good, but also challenge us in positive ways, inspire us, and contribute to our personal development. I would say they're characterized by a mutual respect, open communication, and a shared commitment to personal development because they're built on the foundation of trust and the understanding that both individuals are on their own journey of growth in this world. Start with self reflection.
Lori Gouhin [00:10:09]:
Understand your values, your interests, your goals, what qualities you seek in others that align with your journey. And this clarity will help you identify and attract like minded people. Be open and vulnerable with people as well, because growth oriented relationships thrive on authenticity. Share your thoughts, your feelings, and your aspirations, because this openness invites others to do the same, and it creates a deeper, more meaningful connection. Practice active listening and empathy. Show genuine interest in others experiences and their views, because this not only fosters connection, but also broadens your perspective and enhances your own growth, offer support and encouragement, celebrate their successes, and be there during their challenges. A relationship that's mutually supportive creates a very strong environment for growth. And this doesn't mean you have to be on the same path in all things with your friends.
Lori Gouhin [00:11:03]:
It means that you support and encourage each other's chosen path. So in other words, you want to balance independence with interdependence. While it's great to have supportive relationships, relying too much on others can stifle personal growth. So encourage and respect each other's independence and individual paths. And so to recap, we want to be aware of the dynamics in the relationships that we spend the most time with. Addressing this when things are not going well can definitely be challenging, but it's also essential so that we can fill our lives with more positive and growth oriented people where the relationships are mutually beneficial. So when you find yourself in a relationship that doesn't quite feel right, ask yourself, is this relationship adding value to my life? Am I compromising my well being or identity? Honest self reflection is key. Set firm boundaries.
Lori Gouhin [00:11:55]:
If they're not respected, it may be time to reconsider the relationship's role in your life. Seek support. Talk to a trusted friend, a coach, a mentor. Because external perspectives can provide clarity and strength to make difficult decisions. Sometimes abrupt endings are not feasible or even desirable, really. So try gradual disengagement. Spending less time sharing less personal information can be a very effective approach. Ending or defining a relationship is never easy, that's for sure.
Lori Gouhin [00:12:22]:
But it's often necessary as a step toward your well being and your own personal growth. Embrace the change as an opportunity to surround yourself with people who value you, uplift you, and support your goals. Because as you let these relationships that are not serving you go, you allow more room for the people that are mutually beneficial to come in. Take the insights and strategies we've discussed and start applying them. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be your best self. And also remember that it's sometimes okay to outgrow relationships. We're all on our own path in life, after all. Remember, you have the power to shape your life through the relationships that you continue to nurture, both good and bad.
Lori Gouhin [00:13:05]:
And if you're looking to dive deeper into this and how relationships can either hinder or help you in the pursuit of your goals and dreams, I'm here for you. You can find out more about working with me one on one on my website@lorigoon.com. That's www.lorigouhin.com.
Lori Gouhin [00:13:27]:
That's a wrap for today. My friends, thank you for sharing your time with me. And remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because you are the artwork. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Have a fabulous day.