[00:00:00] Hello, my friends,
[00:00:01] Lori Gouhin: I am so glad that you are here with me today, because today I want to talk about our brain and how it sometimes likes to deceive us. And I want to explore some incredibly insightful concepts from the book, You Are Not Your Brain by Jeffrey Shorts and Rebecca Gladding. Because I think that understanding how our brain can sometimes control our actions and thoughts in ways that aren't always helpful or conducive to our well being is imperative for our personal growth and development.
[00:00:28] Lori Gouhin: for being here. And so why do we often feel like passengers in our own minds, and how can we grab the steering wheel, so to speak, to direct our thoughts and actions more effectively? It's about more than overcoming bad habits or negative thoughts. It's more about enhancing your ability to live a more focused and fulfilling life.
[00:00:45] Lori Gouhin: And I want to provide some practical strategies that can help you manage stress, beat procrastination, and silence that inner critic that says you're not good enough, smart enough, or strong enough. So here's an interesting thought. What if I told you that many of your daily struggles the anxiety about tomorrow's meeting, the stress over a comment someone made, or even that irresistible urge to check your phone every five minutes, they're not actually reflections of your true self.
[00:01:10] Lori Gouhin: Interesting, right? These reactions and habits actually often come from automated brain messages that don't necessarily serve your best interest. your brain is an incredibly complex organ, constantly processing tons of information and often taking shortcuts that lead to repetitive thinking and habitual behaviors.
[00:01:29] Lori Gouhin: It keeps pushing us down known paths, even if they're no longer useful or desirable. So how do we navigate this? It starts by understanding that these thoughts or urges are just messages, nothing more. They're like pop ups on a website. They appear and they seem urgent, but you don't have to click on every one of them.
[00:01:47] Lori Gouhin: You can choose to ignore them. And by acknowledging that these are merely suggestions from your brain, not commands, you start to take back some control. This shift in perspective will allow you to see that these brain [00:02:00] messages. Are just that messages and they are often outdated programs that no longer serve you and this understanding is the first step for changing how you respond to them, allowing you to act in ways that align more closely with your goals and your values.
[00:02:15] Lori Gouhin: And I want to make this practical for you. So think of a recent moment when you felt annoyed or anxious or unnecessarily tempted. Got it. Okay. Now recognize that the emotion or impulse. It's just a brain message, not a mandate. Just this small recognition can often shift how much power that emotion or that impulse has over you.
[00:02:37] Lori Gouhin: And now that you know that brain messages are just that, as I said, messages, it's time to look at how they often influence you without your consent. Like having an app on your phone that sends you notifications at all hours. If you don't manage these notifications, they can disrupt your life.
[00:02:52] Lori Gouhin: So think about how powerful this realization can be. Your worry, your guilt, your anger, your cravings, often aren't definitive truths about who you are. They're like old habits of thinking that your brain defaults to under stress or uncertainty. And this is so important because once we see these thoughts as habits rather than truths, you gain the ability to change them.
[00:03:14] Lori Gouhin: So how do we start to change them? It begins with creating a small gap between the brain message and your response to it. in this gap lies your power to choose. So instead of automatically responding to every thought or urge, you pause, and in this pause you can decide if you want to follow through or take a different action.
[00:03:34] Lori Gouhin: And it might sound so simple, but it is incredibly effective, because it's about not letting your brain run on autopilot. And by starting to practice this pause, you begin to reshape your habits, making choices that better reflect your values and your goals. And this is how we start, as I said, to regain control over the automatic programming of your brain and to steer your life more deliberately towards what matters to you.
[00:03:58] Lori Gouhin: And so let's talk about the [00:04:00] four specific strategies now from the book that build upon each other that you can implement after that pause. The first step in gaining control over your deceptive brain messages is relabeling. And this step involves identifying and naming the thoughts and the urges for what they are, deceptive and misleading.
[00:04:20] Lori Gouhin: It's not about suppressing the thoughts or judging yourself for having them, it's just about recognizing them accurately. Relabeling helps you detach from the intensity and the immediacy of your thoughts. For example, if you find yourself feeling anxious about social situations, you might have thoughts like, I'm too awkward.
[00:04:38] Lori Gouhin: No one wants to talk to me. In relabeling, you recognize this as a deceptive brain message rather than an absolute truth. This thought is a product of anxiety, not a fact about your worth or your social skills. And so here's how you can practice relabeling. Number one, notice and name. Start by simply noticing when a thought arises and name it.
[00:05:00] Lori Gouhin: Say to yourself, This is just my anxiety talking, or this is just my craving for a distraction. Number two, be specific. The more specific you are about what you're experiencing, the easier it is to manage. So instead of vaguely dismissing a thought as a negative thought, identify it as a maybe fear of failure, or an urge to procrastinate.
[00:05:22] Lori Gouhin: Number three, you can also write it down. keeping a journal close by can be an excellent way to do this. And finally, number four, use neutral language. So instead of saying, I'm anxious, say, I noticed that there's anxiety.
[00:05:34] Lori Gouhin: This language shift can help create distance between your true self and the misleading message. So for example, let's imagine that you're about to give a presentation and you start thinking, I can't do this. I'm going to mess it up. Relabel that thought. This is just a fear of public speaking. It's a common feeling, but not a predictor of my performance.
[00:05:54] Lori Gouhin: And by doing this, you acknowledge the feeling without letting it dictate your actions. When you [00:06:00] consistently practice relabeling, you'll start to see that these deceptive messages lose their power over you. They might still appear, of course, but they won't control your actions or your emotions as strongly.
[00:06:11] Lori Gouhin: And this shift is the first important step towards the deeper change that you're looking for. The next step is reframing, and this builds upon the awareness that you developed in relabeling. It enables you to shift in how you perceive and react to your thoughts and feelings. Reframing is all about changing your perspective on the deceptive brain message that you've identified and you've relabeled.
[00:06:34] Lori Gouhin: So it involves altering your emotional response by seeing these thoughts not as truths, but as opportunities for growth and learning. And so why reframe? Reframing is essential because it allows you to break free from the emotional grip that negative thoughts and impulses can have. And by changing how you view these thoughts, you can reduce their impact and empower yourself to make better choices.
[00:06:55] Lori Gouhin: Here's how you can practice reframing. Number one, challenge the validity. In other words, question the accuracy and the helpfulness of the thought. For instance, if you relabeled a thought as fear of failure, now challenge it. Is it really true that I fail at everything.
[00:07:10] Lori Gouhin: Number two, look for the positive. Try to find a positive angle or a lesson in the thought. What can this fear teach me? Perhaps it shows that I care deeply about what I'm doing and I want to succeed. Number three, adopt a growth mindset. So shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Instead of seeing challenges as threats, view them as opportunities to grow and improve.
[00:07:33] Lori Gouhin: So for example, reframing critical feedback on your work can be seen as valuable information to help you improve rather than a personal attack. And number four, visualize success. Instead of imagining worst case scenarios, visualize handling the situation successfully.
[00:07:49] Lori Gouhin: This can help shift your emotional response from anxiety. To confident. So here's an example. Imagine you're nervous about an upcoming job interview, or maybe a podcast interview, [00:08:00] or maybe a talk or a presentation that you have to do. Initially, you might think I'm not qualified and I'm going to embarrass myself after relabeling.
[00:08:08] Lori Gouhin: This is self doubt. You can then reframe it by thinking this nervousness is normal and it's actually a sign that this opportunity matters to me. I will use this energy to prepare thoroughly, turning my nervousness into a driving force. Through reframing, you begin to see that most negative thoughts are not obstacles, but rather misguided attempts by your brain to protect you.
[00:08:30] Lori Gouhin: And by consistently practicing reframing, you transform these thoughts from barriers into catalysts for resilience and action. And you start to respond to life's challenges with a proactive rather than a reactive mindset. Reframing will not only change how you interpret your thoughts, but also how you feel and respond to them, which dramatically shifts your behavioral patterns and your overall outlook.
[00:08:52] Lori Gouhin: The third step is to refocus, and this step involves actively redirecting your attention away from these deceptive brain messages to a constructive or meaningful activity. It's where you put the insights that you gain from relabeling and then reframing into action. Refocusing is about choosing where to direct your mental energy.
[00:09:13] Lori Gouhin: It's not about avoiding your feelings or your thoughts.It's about making a conscious decision to engage in an activity that keeps you aligned with your goals and values. Despite the presence of deceptive brain messages. And so why refocus? This step is so important because it shifts your behavior from passive to active. And while relabeling and reframing deal with your internal responses, refocusing is about changing your external actions.
[00:09:39] Lori Gouhin: It helps you build new habits that are in your best interest rather than being pulled by habitual negative thoughts. And so here's how you can practice refocusing. Number one, choose an engaging activity. So select an activity that requires concentration or provides fulfillment. This could be anything from reading a book, engaging in a hobby, exercising, or [00:10:00] working on a project.
[00:10:01] Lori Gouhin: Number two, set a time limit. Initially, you might find it challenging to maintain focus away from the deceptive brain messages. So start small, maybe five minutes of focus activity, and gradually increase the time as your attention span improves.
[00:10:15] Lori Gouhin: Number three, acknowledge the effort. It's important to recognize and appreciate your effort in refocusing, regardless of how small it may seem. And this acknowledgement reinforces the positive behavior. And number four, be patient, but also be persistent. Refocusing takes practice. If your mind wanders back to the deceptive thoughts, gently guide it back to the chosen activity.
[00:10:37] Lori Gouhin: Over time, it will become easier. Here's an example. let's say you're working from home and you find yourself distracted by thoughts, urging you to check your social media. Instead of following this urge, you decide to refocus by setting a timer for 25 minutes during which you concentrate solely on your work. After the timer goes off, allow yourself a 5 minute break to check social media if you still want to.
[00:11:00] Lori Gouhin: This method is often called the Pomodoro Technique, and it helps keep your brain engaged and trains it to resist distraction. Refocusing also empowers you to take control of your actions and align them with your long term goals. So over time, as you continue to practice this step, you'll find that the deceptive brain messages lose their power much more quickly, and your capacity for focused, intentional action grows. This not only improves your productivity, but also your overall satisfaction with life, as you're spending more time doing the things that truly matter to you.
[00:11:32] Lori Gouhin: Refocusing seems to be where. As they say, the rubber meets the road in terms of changing behavior, it actively strengthens your ability to resist old patterns and forge new ones, creating a more intentional and fulfilling life. And the final step is to revalue. This step involves reassessing the importance and relevance of the deceptive brain messages after you've relabeled, reframed, and refocused.
[00:11:58] Lori Gouhin: It's about truly understanding the [00:12:00] insignificance of these thoughts and these impulses and the broader context of your life intervals.
[00:12:05] Lori Gouhin: Re evaluating is so important because it's about seeing these deceptive brain messages for what they really are distractions, not directions And so why should we revalue?
[00:12:17] Lori Gouhin: This step is so important because it consolidates the gains from the previous three steps. By revaluating, you not only change your immediate response to deceptive brain messages, but you alter your long term attitude towards them. So over time, this will reduce their frequency and intensity as your brain learns they are not valuable or useful.
[00:12:39] Lori Gouhin: And so here's how you can practice revaluing. consider the real impact these deceptive brain messages have had on your life when you followed them. Are they helpful or harmful? How do they align with your values and goals? Number two, minimize their importance. Realize that just because they're A thought or an urge feels strong, it doesn't mean it's important.
[00:13:00] Lori Gouhin: You can choose to de emphasize its importance in your decision making. And number three, reflect on changes. Regularly reflect on how your life has improved by not acting on these deceptive messages. Notice the positive changes and reinforce your understanding of their true value. And number four, educate your emotions.
[00:13:20] Lori Gouhin: Teach yourself to feel differently about these impulses by consistently reminding yourself of their irrelevance or their harm. Over time, your emotional reactions to them will start to shift. So here's an example. Imagine you've always had maybe a crippling fear of public speaking, which you've relabeled as nervous excitement.
[00:13:41] Lori Gouhin: Reframed as an opportunity to grow and focus your energy into preparing effectively. Now,you see this fear not as a terrible threat, but as a misfiring defense mechanism that's far less significant than your goal of sharing your knowledge and connecting with your audience. And by practicing revaluing, you change the [00:14:00] emotional and practical significance of the deceptive thoughts and behaviors in your life.
[00:14:05] Lori Gouhin: This leads to a profound shift in how you view, and react to challenges and stressors. Over time, the thoughts that once might have derailed your day will barely cause a ripple in your emotional state. They become like email spam, right? Easily ignored and quickly deleted. Revaluing really does truly transform how you perceive and react to internal and external stressors.
[00:14:29] Lori Gouhin: It will lead to more profound and lasting changes in your behavior and your thought patterns. It solidifies the new habits and mindsets you've developed through the other steps, and it ensures that they stick and continue to benefit you. So to wrap it up, I know this was a lot of information. I encourage you to start small.
[00:14:46] Lori Gouhin: Pick one deceptive brain message, one negative thought or negative urge that you frequently encounter, and apply the four steps. It could be anything from self doubt to procrastination, it doesn't matter. Just practice recognizing it, reframe your view on it, shift your focus to something more productive, and finally, diminish its significance in your life.
[00:15:09] Lori Gouhin: Also, remember, changing deep seated habits and thought patterns, it's not an overnight task. It's an ongoing process. But with every step you take, it's a step towards a more controlled and fulfilling life. You have the tools. Now it's up to you to use them. I'd love to hear more about your experiences and progress as you implement these strategies.
[00:15:28] Lori Gouhin: So let's keep the conversation going. Feel free to share your stories and successes with me as you apply these steps in your daily life. If you would like support and accountability around implementing what we discussed today, you can learn more about my personalized private coaching by reaching out to me on Instagram at the artwork of you.
[00:15:48] Lori Gouhin: I'm also at Laurie Gouhin on LinkedIn and Facebook. or you can go to my website www.theartworkofyou.com.