Ever thought about living life on your own terms, even if it goes against societal expectations? Imagine the family gatherings and the inevitable question - when are you two going to have kids? The answer - never! We are a dual income no kids (DINK) couple, and we're here to share our journey of choosing not to have children. As we march towards our wedding, we tackle the societal and familial pressures, and hold our ground to live a life that's fulfilling on our own terms – no children necessary.
We've heard it all - aren't you selfish? Won't you regret it? What about when you're old? We're flipping the script, challenging these notions, and sparking a candid conversation about the choice to be childfree.
Our life is an adventure, and we're still kids at heart, living it up and loving every moment. We're the fun aunt and uncle to our nieces and nephews, and that's more than enough for us!
It's time to throw out the rulebook and understand that there are different paths to a happy and fulfilling life. We're here to break the stigmas, challenge the norms, and help you navigate your life decisions without regrets.
So, buckle up and join us on this roller coaster ride as we rewrite the narrative and create our own playbook for happiness.
Ever thought about living life on your own terms, even if it goes against societal expectations? Imagine the family gatherings and the inevitable question - when are you two going to have kids? The answer - never! We are a dual income no kids (DINK) couple, and we're here to share our journey of choosing not to have children. As we march towards our wedding, we tackle the societal and familial pressures, and hold our ground to live a life that's fulfilling on our own terms – no children necessary.
We've heard it all - aren't you selfish? Won't you regret it? What about when you're old? We're flipping the script, challenging these notions, and sparking a candid conversation about the choice to be childfree.
Our life is an adventure, and we're still kids at heart, living it up and loving every moment. We're the fun aunt and uncle to our nieces and nephews, and that's more than enough for us!
It's time to throw out the rulebook and understand that there are different paths to a happy and fulfilling life. We're here to break the stigmas, challenge the norms, and help you navigate your life decisions without regrets.
So, buckle up and join us on this roller coaster ride as we rewrite the narrative and create our own playbook for happiness.
So there was a term that I was introduced to earlier this year, maybe last year, I think it was this year because it's really stuck with me ever since from your brother. Your brother introduced me to this term called a dink.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, not a pickleball thing.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, those can get confused because your family also likes to play pickleball.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, we're a huge yeah.
Speaker 1:
For those of you who do not know, stands for dual income, no kids. Yeah and your brother, charlie, was telling us you know, we don't have to worry about certain things because we're dinks.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
So ever since he said that, it's just been a term that's been floating around in my mind.
Speaker 2:
Dual income no dual income.
Speaker 1:
no kids, that's what we are. We do have a fur family. We have three dogs. We have how many cats now? Four and and an outdoor cat and one outdoor. So five total, yeah, and we also have two chinchillas.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so we have kids.
Speaker 1:
Not to say that we're not parents of any sort. We are parents, and some could argue that you know it's relatively the same, but also very different. We are dinks by choice and getting closer to a wedding. Since we're getting married next month, that's a very natural question to ask couples who are about to get married is all right. So, after the wedding, when can we expect kids?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, are you all going to have kids? What?
Speaker 1:
are you all going to have kids and?
Speaker 2:
they're. They're for sure going to start asking that question more and more and more, but I think I don't think so. I don't think they will with us because we've said the precedent, it's not in our books.
Speaker 1:
We've been firm about it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
My parents. I feel like they don't care. I feel like they do. They would want grandchildren, but it's not like I'm their only kid. My sister's always wanted to be a mom. Yeah, and she's made it known since she was little. She's like I'm going to have kids. That's what I want to do, that's what I'm destined to do.
Speaker 2:
And as a kid you didn't say that stuff, Right.
Speaker 1:
No, I've always been a big animal girl, like my pets and everything were my world, and that, just that never changed. Yeah, and I was never somebody who looked at a kid and was like, oh my God, I need it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah. I'd be like and no thank you At the beginning of our relationship that you know that was. One of the first things we talked about was kids.
Speaker 1:
I think that's a very important thing to talk about at the beginning of the relationship, because any relationship.
Speaker 2:
You need to get the big questions out of the way.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, not to say that the person won't be able to like change their mind, because at first you weren't pro kids or against kids.
Speaker 2:
No, I was just kind of middle ground. I mean I was, I was going to have kids. Like in my future I was going to have kids, and that's because that's what we're taught as a society in general. Like you find someone you love, you get married, you have kids, they have kids. The cycle repeats.
Speaker 1:
Um, no, but the bloodline ends here.
Speaker 2:
It definitely doesn't end here, because my brother has kids, my sister has kids and that my bloodline ends here, that that plays a big picture in it too, of the fact that my brother has kids. My sister has kids for me. When you were like I really don't want kids, it never bothered me, like it kind of was you were never hoping that I would change my mind a little bit.
Speaker 2:
No, Not really. I always thought you might, I thought you might and I I'm. I still think you might, but I don't like Prefer one or the other. Like I'm a hundred percent. I also firmly believe, like I'm the dad, I don't have to do any of the birthing or having the baby. So like I also just don't think that it's really my place If I, if I did, I wouldn't be with you. And but like if one day you're you're like, yes, I do want kids for some random reason, I'm, I'm the one. You're like, no, we're not having kids ever. Period, I'm more of the I guess. Like if you ever chose to either adopt or or whatever, like I would still be open to it, but I don't, I don't have to have it. Like I'm, I'm a hundred percent middle ground and that's because if I want kids, all we got to do is drive up and see my family.
Speaker 2:
You have a lot we have plenty of kids, children, and everyone says, well, it's so different, they're not yours. And I Guess, yeah, you're, you're right, I don't. I don't know that feeling. I don't thrive to have that feeling, though, and I don't think you do either, and that's the part in me that's like maybe one day we think that we might thrive to have that feeling, because I can't predict the future.
Speaker 1:
But already say that you know, oh, like, don't worry, you're gonna feel it. No, I don't. Every time I go up there I get more turned off to the feeling, not in in the bad way that I'm making it sound. I'll say no, it's more. I really love being the fun aunt. Yeah, fun and.
Speaker 2:
I think that's, that's my thing. Like I've been called uncle chance since I was 11, so like I've been uncle chance since I was 11 and To me that's been so much fun. I'm like I I feel like if I have kids, I no longer get to spoil my nieces or nephews not that I spoil them a lot right now but, second, you have your own family. Like that shit goes out the window. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like my brother buying gifts for Chelsea's kids, that I don't feel like that happens a lot, honestly, like maybe Christmas and that's really it.
Speaker 2:
But as of you know, you and I, every time we go up, I feel like every time we go up there, we go up with something for them, right, like it's it's hand me down stuff or it's it's something that we found at Target or TJ max. It's like I think you like this, or my PlayStation. I'm like here, braden, you can play. Like all of that would go out of the window if we had kids, right, and to me that's fine, like I don't need to have kids. I'm perfectly happy with, with my nieces and nephews and with our life, and the fact is I Wouldn't want to bring kids into the world right now. Anyways, like it, there's so many contradicting Things going on and just a whole another podcast of what's going on in the world.
Speaker 1:
There's just more cons than there are pros for me, yeah, and of course there are many. You there have you and half the person you love most of the time.
Speaker 2:
And they would be beautiful. They'd be awesome. We'd probably be great at it. It's just.
Speaker 1:
No, I mean, I've always not enticing, I've liked kids. I don't have a like a hatred for children. I just I Love being someone that can hang out with kids and, you know, make them smile, buy them things Like it's my goal to be the rich aunt and then be able to give them back to their parents.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, but it's funny because I feel like every time we say it like people look at us like no, there's something inside of you that's going to want a kid. Or like if I say, if I say like you know, I would be open to either. I feel like people look at me like you want kids, then Like you're just doing that because she doesn't want kids. Like no, I genuinely don't give a shit. See, well, I'm on the firm?
Speaker 1:
No, because not only does you know if you choose to go through pregnancy yourself, not only does it take a toll on your body and leave so many women dealing with postpartum depression and, you know, hating themselves and not connecting with their child, but it's also it's something so life altering Just the way that you go about your daily routine completely changes.
Speaker 2:
Can't travel.
Speaker 1:
You can't travel. Can't do certain things Like our attention would completely be away from our pets.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And they're my world.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
In complete honesty, my, my animals are jobs. My job would have to change. Your finances would have to go towards the children. No more you time no more.
Speaker 2:
And people don't like analyze that stuff when they have kids and they don't make a list, I feel, like more than half of the people, they don't like write down. What are all the things that are going to change when I have kids? I don't think they logically think that. I think it's.
Speaker 1:
I love you Tick tock guy who said you know the people who aren't having kids are the ones who should be having them, because they're thinking about these things.
Speaker 2:
I think it's I love you, oh, I love you too. Well, let's make a many us and it's like, yeah, but have you thought of all of these things? And if none of all of those things don't add up, maybe you shouldn't have a kid, at least right now, you know for them, for that, for that couple?
Speaker 1:
Maybe you have it at a better time in your life, for then there's also the question Well, who's going to take care of you when you're older? I think that's why I'm married. We take care of each other, yeah.
Speaker 2:
And.
Speaker 1:
I think if we are both blessed and lucky enough to live up to a certain age where we can move into a retirement home, we admit ourselves also, we won't have kids.
Speaker 2:
Therefore we'll have more savings. Therefore we can afford at home care.
Speaker 1:
If we're lucky. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:
And the whole thing of like well, you won't be surrounded by your loved ones. I'm sorry, but if I'm 70, 80, 90, 100 years old, dying, and I'm not surrounded by loved ones, I didn't do something right in my life. Because you can. You can create more loved ones. It's called friends.
Speaker 1:
It's not even that we have other family members. You have sisters and you have, you know, your nieces and nephews. We're not completely alone. If we are alone, by the time we are on our deathbeds. We did not live life correctly.
Speaker 2:
We didn't, because there are tons of people younger than us in our families.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 2:
So we screwed up somewhere. It's that's not effective. I don't think that should be a factor of why, why? Why do you get? Because when I die, I need them to take care of me.
Speaker 1:
Wow, selfish Like that's actually a lot of you know videos that I've seen, because I I'm pretty much on child free TikTok. Now I said once, hey, I don't want children, and now all.
Speaker 2:
I see, are all free. All it's TikTok videos.
Speaker 1:
There's this lady who says the people having children are having them for selfish reasons.
Speaker 2:
I can see how some people would be doing that. I definitely don't think all people are.
Speaker 1:
But if they're like, I just want somebody to love me and to be obsessed with me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, or to do these things, or I want to obsess over them, or I want to make them look cuter.
Speaker 1:
I want to live like take care of me when I'm old.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Like okay, yeah, if that's, if that's how you, that's fine. That's just not the route that I prefer to take.
Speaker 2:
And this is one of those topics. I don't even know why it's controversial Like I don't know why.
Speaker 1:
I have never cared about what any woman chooses to do with her body, whether she chooses to bring it into the world or not. I don't know why it's so controversial, but I don't care. Yeah, it does not affect me in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 2:
It's just wild that like, no matter how many times we say it like yeah, I probably not, it's just like they they don't get it, like certain people just don't understand.
Speaker 1:
I still get asked the questions, like back at my old job before I got this one.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
People would talk about oh, you know, we're doing this, this and this. And then, hayley, when are you gonna have kids? Oh, we're not going to. Oh, you say that now. But just wait. I'm like, I'm almost 30 years old, yeah, and if anything, the more I see children, the more I distance myself from the idea. Also because we've been able to go on so many trips together and just be able to say, hey, we've got our dogs. We can have somebody come in and check up on the dogs. We leave them with food and water and they've got all their toys in the backyard and they have each other. You can't do that with a kid.
Speaker 2:
The thing was you can put the kid outside with some kibble and water and leave. Yeah, it's just wow that like people think that it's. It's like I've heard that it's selfish not to have kids.
Speaker 1:
Okay, Well then call me selfish.
Speaker 2:
No, but like I don't see how that that's at all selfish. Like I'm choosing not to have kids not because I want my life to be the absolute best. That's not the only reason, it's also a reason. It is a reason, but I'm saying it's also the fact that I get to focus when I go up to my parents' house. Right, it's me, you and my parents. They never will have to share their attention besides between just me and you. Right? Like it's not, there's not three other kids that are going to enter. For me that's not a selfish reason at all. I want to be able to have as much possible time with my parents that I possibly can. I want to spend as much time that I can with my brother and my sister and their kids. If I have my own kids, that all seriously goes out of the window, but I think that's what people mean when they say selfish.
Speaker 1:
I don't think they mean it to be in a bad way that it's selfish, but it's. You want things for you. That's what being selfish is. I think it is selfish to bring a kid into the world, in the sense that if you have a kid right now, in today's climate, it's just terrifying. And it would be selfish for me to bring something into the world just for the sake of it being cute and loving me forever, but sending it into an economy that sucks right now, knowing they probably won't ever buy their own home. Honestly, it's.
Speaker 2:
I mean you know the whole gun things and places getting shot up and schools being a target.
Speaker 1:
I say this all the time, but it feels like the lot like when we were in school. That was the last time that school was safe. Yeah, so nowadays it's just OK.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I'm going to have a kid.
Speaker 1:
So I can love you, but once you're out there, Good luck. Good luck. No, so I do think it's selfish in a sense, just not in the negative way we're thinking about it. I have also not wanted children, because I still feel like a child right now. I don't think that it's hit me that I'm about to get married, that I'm almost 30, that this is an appropriate time to have children.
Speaker 1:
My best friend three years ago. She sends me a text. It says I'm pregnant. I freak out like it's a teen pregnancy. I'm like oh my God, what are you going to do? She goes hey, like I'm married.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And I said, oh yeah, right, this is an appropriate time to do that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
I was like are you going to keep it? What's happening? Yes, I'm going to keep it. I'm married.
Speaker 2:
It's time to start a family, and that's the only reason that I'm like, if one day you ever choose to, because maybe your mindset changes from where it is right now then I would be open for things.
Speaker 1:
Very, very slim chance of that. I just love our life right now. I know I love that we can buy and flip houses. I love that we can take cruises, I love that we can fly and see my family whenever we can have impromptu Disney days, but no, I think I just love our life and I don't really want anything to change in that aspect. Give me closing thoughts for the fellow dinks out there.
Speaker 2:
It's kind of like a wrap up of everything.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
If you're a fellow dink, don't succumb to the pressure. I think that's the biggest thing.
Speaker 1:
I would much rather regret not having children than having a child and regretting that I had it.
Speaker 2:
Oh, that's gold right there. That is good, seriously, because you could have really screwed up a freaking life if you chose to have a kid and then you're like, can I return it? No, you can't, and I don't think people realize that.
