Embrace Your Self Worth in the Swipe Right Era

Ever found yourself in a spiral after realizing the person you're dating is still swiping right on others? We've all been there, and it's the emotional minefield of modern love that we're unpacking on today's episode.

Together, we tackle the heart-racing moment of discovering your new romantic interest is active on dating profiles, and why your first instinct to block and delete might be doing more harm than good.

This isn't just your average chat about dating woes; it's a deep dive into the psychology behind our reactions and how to preserve self-worth amidst the competitive world of digital dating.

Join me as I redefine the game of love, shifting the perspective from a battleground to a celebration of self. I shed light on why over-investment early on can signal misalignment and how to maintain the joy in dating. In the labyrinth of love, walks us through attachment theory, illustrating how our childhood bonds shape our approach to adult relationships. And for those seeking the secure attachment style—the "holy grail" of emotional connections—we're revealing the path to achieving it. Strap in for an episode that's as educational as it is emotionally empowering, providing the tools you need to navigate the complex currents of connection in the hyper-connected era.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Did I give it away? Or was it persuasion? You are in my space. I I, oh wait, I don't care what you say, I'm loving it this way. I'm hoping that you stay. I I, oh wait, it's only you. Was it your wish? You're in my space. I I, oh wait, I don't care what you say, I'm loving it this way. I'm hoping that you stay.

Speaker 1: 0:43

So, ladies, what do you do? When you've matched a guy, you've hit it off, you're talking quite often. You're maybe even like making plans to go on, not just one day, but maybe like multiple dates, holidays, whatever. But something has told you to check their profile. You ever check their profile. You've seen something a little bit different and you know that they're still active and talking to other women. Or he's told you he's like hey, I'm still considering other women. What do you do Now?

Speaker 1: 1:17

For some of you, the most automatic and natural response is to get upset, right, to get upset and maybe block dilly, move on, um, all of these things that, yes, you know, sound great in a love song. Yes, sound great when you're talking to your friends and like you're venting with each other and you're egging each other on. But in the long run, like this is, it's gonna hurt you. It's gonna hurt you in terms of how you view love and how you're going to build the stamina of dating in this world, because there is a lot of competition. Like I'm not going to lie to you and we're not, and now you know we're so connected in this world where we can, you know, message someone in the middle of Colombia if we wanted to, just you know, with our eyes closed. So there is a lot of competition. That doesn't necessarily mean that your worth is hanging in balance, depending on whether they keep looking or not, but what it does mean is when you feel that pinching feeling and when you're feeling like, oh okay, you know, maybe this isn't going anywhere, maybe they're not serious about me, just know that that is an indication that you are in misalignment and that you're no longer having fun with this.

Speaker 1: 2:26

The dating game is supposed to be so much fun. You know it's supposed to be an arena, it's supposed to be a celebration of who you are. And I always feel, you know, when you do feel that plungy feeling and you're thinking I'm going to block, delete, and how dare they? You know you, you have. That's a big sign that you've over invested you've over invested very early into the game because you're genuinely just getting to know each other.

Speaker 1: 2:52

If she was on the other foot, how would you feel if they felt like, wow, block, delete. How dare she, you know, how dare she consider other options? You wouldn't like it. I'm sure you wouldn't like it, because what that means is this person is already trying to control your experience. Just remember, when you're in the, you know you're on the app. So you're talking to this person like we're all trying to find the best for ourselves and ultimately, we all want the best for ourselves. We hopefully want the best for other people. So, whether that's with you or someone else, it shouldn't matter. Right, it shouldn't matter at all.

Speaker 1: 3:29

But I'll tell you, those that get the most triggered by this are people with, or have, a big element of anxious attachment that doesn't need to be healed Now with attachment theory. You know this. These are guidelines that I call them. Them guidelines in psychology, which really teach us about relationships. You know how we form bonds, how we formed bonds in our childhood and how they represent and replicate themselves in adult relationships, even with someone with a secure attachment style which is like the golden would we call it the holy grail of of attachment styles, because it's supposed to be what everyone is supposed to aim for. There will always be underlying attachment styles, always, particularly if someone who's now got more of a secure attachment style has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, they will have an underlying attachment style where, depending on the kind of dynamic of relationship that they're in, could triggered right, no attachment style is ever fixed, but it's so good to know what your predominant style is and see exactly how that is showing up in your relationships. So what I put together in order to help you with this is another free quiz.

Speaker 1: 4:41

I've got a brand new free quiz. I'm so excited to share it with you. It's in the link in my bio slash profile, depending on where you're watching me. It's bio for share it with you. It's in the link in my bio slash profile, depending on where you're watching me. It's bio for Instagram and profile. If it's TikTok, just go ahead.

Speaker 1: 4:53

Find out what your attachment style is, find out how it's showing up in your life and what you can do about it, because you can change it. I feel once you have the awareness, it's like any kind of phobia. Once you give that phobia, that fear, awareness, it already starts to lose power. So just doing the beginning work is already going to put it, put you more in a position of power and more in a position where you're taking a lot more control in your dating life, but particularly your dynamics, once you do actually match with someone and you're building on that relationship with that person in order to get to a more long-term commitment. So I'll leave you guys there with this beautiful free treat. Like I said, link in my bio slash profile. Go and do the quiz on how your attachment style is affecting your relationships and let me know what you get like. Drop me a dm, let me know what your results are. I'm leaving you in my life. I'm leaving you in my life. I'm leaving you in my life. You.