In this episode, I delve into the sensitive topic of when it's appropriate to reach out to a mission president regarding a missionary's circumstances. I share my insights on navigating different situations, underscoring the urgency of taking action if a missionary's safety is at risk. I recommend jotting down the details to evaluate each case objectively, steering clear of unconscious "manuals" filled with expectations, and embracing a 24-hour waiting period to sidestep decisions made in the heat of the moment. Drawing from my own journey, I highlight the significance of forthright interactions between missionaries and their mission presidents.
Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them: michellesevans.coach@gmail.com
In this episode, I delve into the sensitive topic of when it's appropriate to reach out to a mission president regarding a missionary's circumstances. I share my insights on navigating different situations, underscoring the urgency of taking action if a missionary's safety is at risk. I recommend jotting down the details to evaluate each case objectively, steering clear of unconscious "manuals" filled with expectations, and embracing a 24-hour waiting period to sidestep decisions made in the heat of the moment. Drawing from my own journey, I highlight the significance of forthright interactions between missionaries and their mission presidents.
Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them: michellesevans.coach@gmail.com
Welcome to the podcast. So I'm not sure when it became a thing, not to contact the mission president. Because it's something that has come up multiple times in my coaching practice. And maybe it's because our missionaries don't want us as involved because they're trying to find their own independence. But, you know, whatever the reason is, I want to make sure to touch on this topic because it comes up in my program. So I know there's other moms that are trying to decide, what's the best course of action. One of the things we talk about in my program is knowing when to involve the mission presence and when to step back. So I wanted to come on and do this podcast. If it's something that you're wrestling with, that you have some help so that you can kind of decide what it is that you want to do. First off if you're a missionary is in danger. There is no reason to wait and see, for sure. Just reach out to the mission president. Because frankly, he probably doesn't know. But other than that, these are the guidelines that I use to help my clients be able to really see what's happening and what they want to do. First off you want to be really clear about what's going on and what it is that you want to contact them about. one way of doing that is just to write it down. And write down all the facts and sometimes when you're first writing it down. Some of your thoughts are integrated. It's helpful to just kind of do a brain dump where you're just writing everything down and then you want to separate. Out your thoughts from the story, maybe that your brain has created. To fill in the context of what's happening. And then another thing is our brains. Make these, we write up these most beautiful manuals for people around us, including mission presidents. So what that looks like as we come up with these ideas of what things should look like. You know, like these mission presidents should contact us when our missionary arrives or they should contact us. If our missionary, you. It was in a dangerous situation or they should contact us. If our missionary is sick. So we write the most beautiful manuals. And then a lot of times we don't give them the manual one. Or we give it to them and they don't follow it. It's a way of us trying to exert control over a situation that we may not have control over. let me give you an example that has nothing to do with a mission and one that does. When my sons were in high school, they were on the wrestling team. I don't know the first thing about coaching wrestling. The technical and moves the logistics of getting them into tournaments. Getting them there. Transporting them, all this stuff. But in my brain. I started coming up with things that I thought that coaches should, or shouldn't be doing. And occasionally I mentioned these things to the coaches. But for the most part, I didn't say much. But then I was annoyed that they didn't follow this manual that I had written in my mind. And this just happens subconsciously. And it's not a problem. It's just helpful to know that they exist and it's helpful. To be able to see that our brain has written a manual for somebody or something. And if you have a manual, then consider asking. Yourself, if you had all the control in the world and you could have this person. Do something against their will. Would you. And this helps put things kind of in perspective. And so that you understand that sometimes. Our ideas. Sound good in our heads, but sometimes there's a whole nother story. That's happening. Or context that's happening that we're totally unaware of. The second example. When my first son served a mission, he had a mission president that was native to the country that he was serving. And he's, he was struggling with some of the president's decisions. And he expressed his discomfort to the mission president. And I thought this is where my manual got involved. Then the mission president should listen to my son. But here's the thing. I only had one side of the story, no matter what, there's always two sides. And it actually gave my son the opportunity to figure out things with the mission president. He got to ask a lot of questions. Which was a win win. And I was able to drop the manual for the mission president. For that situation. And when our brains come up with manuals, they feel really real. And sometimes we can see that we have one in, sometimes we can't. Which is the benefit of having a coach help you because we hold up a mirror so that you can actually see kind of what's creating, but no matter what, if you do have a manual. The one question you can start to ask yourself about that is. What do I hope will happen? And what is my motive for reaching out that way? You have a very clear picture of what it is that you're up to. Another. thing to consider. Is that if they aren't in imminent danger, What about. Giving yourself at least 24 hours before doing anything. This allows you space to access whether or not you're in a stress cycle, which is the fight flight freeze or what I like to call people, please. Which doesn't access the highest logical part of our brain. When you're a give yourself a cooling off period. Or like a timeout. Then it's a gift to you, and it's a gift to the mission president so that you come at the situation from a really clean place. So when I'm in a stress cycle, my normal response. His fight. Sometimes it's flight and freeze. It can be a combination of those things. But I have what I call a Hulk or a momma bear that comes out. And basically what happens at lays waste. To everything around me. And after that happens and I've regained some of my logical brain. I have this huge mess to clean up. Where I may have said or done something that really isn't in alignment with who I am as a person. And that's why putting ourselves. In a timeout. Is helpful because that way we can cool off. And we can regain control of our logical brain and we can. move forward. Away from that stress cycle. So the last thing is it's always important. To trust your intuition. If you have a nagging feeling or warning to get involved. Don't ignore that and try and explain it away. And just go ahead and reach out in like the kindest manner that, you know, how. And you're moving forward in your best self. And it's okay that some of these things may happen. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you? Like the manual is something that we create subconsciously. Everybody does it. That's you see it very often in marriage counseling. Where one. Spouse. Or both spouses kind of write a list. Of the things that they want the other spouse to do that is writing out a manual. And then you get to decide. Whether or not, you want to do those things on the list, but if you're resentful towards them, then of course you don't want to do them. So those are just A few. brief snapshots. Of some of the things that we cover. And. The stress cycle, I'm going to actually do an episode. That's going to go into a lot more depth and I have a really great guest that is going to come on. She's an expert in the nervous system. And so make sure you watch out for that because she's really going to help you be able to distill what's happening. And we have identify, so that it's really helpful for you. And all of this applies just in regular life, not just with visit mission presidents. Coaches teachers. Other human beings that we rub up against. It's very helpful to be aware of all of these things. If this is all interesting to you and you're interested in taking the next step. My group program closes this week and it won't open again for at least a month, but probably two. And I do have a few one-on-one spots where we can deep dive into helping you integrate these tools and show up in a way that you respect. And those links will be in the show notes. Of today's show. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me and have a great week. We'll see you next time.
