Hey there, friends! In the latest podcast episode, I had a heart-to-heart about preparing missionaries for their journey. I shared six essential tips from my own experience with my sons. First up, I reminded them that deciding to go on a mission is a one-time choice—no second-guessing needed! Setting boundaries came next, which is super important for staying true to oneself. Then, we talked about "manuals," those sneaky expectations we have for others that can cause unnecessary stress. Understanding our nervous system was another biggie, knowing when it's just jitters or something more spiritual. Asking good questions is key, too; it shows real interest in people's unique views. Lastly, I urged them to own their mistakes instead of blaming them on Satan—it's all about empowerment.
Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them: michellesevans.coach@gmail.com
Hey there, friends! In the latest podcast episode, I had a heart-to-heart about preparing missionaries for their journey. I shared six essential tips from my own experience with my sons. First up, I reminded them that deciding to go on a mission is a one-time choice—no second-guessing needed! Setting boundaries came next, which is super important for staying true to oneself. Then, we talked about "manuals," those sneaky expectations we have for others that can cause unnecessary stress. Understanding our nervous system was another biggie, knowing when it's just jitters or something more spiritual. Asking good questions is key, too; it shows real interest in people's unique views. Lastly, I urged them to own their mistakes instead of blaming them on Satan—it's all about empowerment.
Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them: michellesevans.coach@gmail.com
Hello and welcome to the podcast. We have a lot of people that are receiving mission calls. And so I wanted to share this episode about. What to teach. Your missionary before they leave. So these are some of the concepts that I have accumulated. Over the years. And when I sent my first missionary out, I had no idea what to teach him. Before he left. And I didn't serve a mission, so I didn't have my own experience to draw from. But from his mission, I started to accumulate a list of things that I taught my next son who went out in 2019. And then some more from his experience. That I taught my current son who left last summer. And then I am in the process right now of teaching these things to my son. Who's a senior in high school and currently working on his mission papers. So we're just going to dive in and. This is a shortened list. So I'm going to give you. Basically six things that I try to teach. And this is aside from the things that are taught at church because of course those things are crucial and important. The first thing is that going on a mission as a decision? And once they get their call. Their brain is going to want to go back into decision-making mode and try to read, decide about going. And when this comes up. They have the opportunity to start to talk back to their brain and tell themselves, oh, I already made this decision. And I'm not going back into decision-making mode. And just having that awareness that this is a high probability, we'll help them understand that when it does come up. And when it's happening. And their brain's main job is to keep them safe and not die. So any time, there's something that is unknown. This kind of stuff comes up. And emission obviously will trigger some of this and the brain is going to want to keep them safe. So it's going to feel very. Almost dangerous. And so they're going to want to go back into like, well, now I have to decide if I'm actually going to go on a mission. So having that awareness. Is very helpful. And the other thing is, is like, as a mother, if this does come up for our missionary, we don't have to assign a meaning to it. Like my son or daughter is wavering in their faith. Or they're starting to question if this is a good idea. And of course this is a good idea. This gives you an opportunity to supervise your brain as well because you're having your lived experience. And remind yourself that this is normal, their brain is doing its job and it's okay. But explaining to them prior to them getting their call, that this may come up and how to handle it is very, very useful. And this is just a conversation I had the other day with my son and. I gave him a few examples. One of he saw it firsthand. One of his friends that left last year. When he got his mission call, then he spent the next month. Trying to decide if he was actually gonna go and what it does is it creates a struggle that we don't actually need to have. We can decide ahead of time. And once the decision's made, then we just keep moving forward. Not letting your brain go back into decision-making mode. So that's number one. The second thing that I teach is how to set boundaries. Now. There's a lot of talk about boundaries out there. But one of the things. That boundaries are not to do. They're not meant to control somebody else's behavior. They're meant to understand what my missionary, my, my currently my son. Is willing to participate in. So this can conversation also involves how to talk to a companion if they're breaking the rules or how to contact the mission president when necessary. And there's always going to be situations that they don't anticipate, but they're being able to evaluate in the moment. And set boundaries. Is a skill that they can really home all their own emission. So one of the things that I hear, sometimes people say, they'll say I have a boundary about this. And. When they are declaring that to somebody, it's a way of trying to get somebody else's behavior to change. And so that's when you kind of know. What you're doing is trying to control them. So if they're not trying to control them, you know, what are they trying to do? It's. You know, being able to see like, okay, I have a companion that sleeps in. And am I willing to participate in this or not? And is this something that I need to contact the mission president or not? But then they get to evaluate it within themselves. So that's how we determine and set boundaries. So that's the second thing. The third is I teach them about manuals. So what manuals are, is our brain writes the most beautiful manuals for people and how you want somebody else to behave. This will show up for them. It shows up for us as moms. When we expect a companion or mission present to act in a certain way. Then we've come up with these manuals in our brain. And then we start to judge them for not being who we want them to be. So I learned this concept from my mentor, Brooke Castillo from the life coach school. A perfect example. An example that I've seen lately. Is when. I'm in the missionary moms, Facebook group, and a mom will write something like all moms everywhere should be teaching their kids how to talk. Because right now, my. My son has a companion who doesn't talk and my son is suffering. So, do you see how she has a manual for all the moms? Being able to teach their kid how to talk. And she's also got a manual she's written for her son's companion and how he should behave. And so. We also do this. It shows up a ton in our marriage. And. So we have these pretend ideas of how we want our partner to. To show up. And then we resent them when they don't. And a lot of times we don't even tell them the manual. We just get mad when they don't show up the way we think. So we create these manuals in our brain. And this is totally normal. But knowing that we have a manual going is very powerful awareness. And then we can decide if we want to keep that manual, or if we want to allow the people in our lives to live the way that they see fit. So here's a question. That I asked myself, or I asked my missionary. Is if I, or they could control this person and have them do what they want. Would I. Or would they. And what this does is it helps bring in perspective. Because sometimes we think we know what's best, but every person has agency. So it's just. Other awareness tool, and it's very helpful to just be able to understand that it's something that our brains do, and there's nothing wrong with us. And when we do create a manual, we don't have to judge ourselves. Or if somebody has a manual for us, that's also good to notice and we don't have to judge them for it. It's just a normal thing that people's brains do. Okay. So that was the third. So the fourth thing I teach them about is their nervous system. And I have a whole episode about learn nervous system. But we mainly talked about ours as a mother. But teaching them about their nervous system and. What is what's happening? When it gets into fight. Flight freeze or people please mode. And how that's just a dysregulation. And how they can calm their nervous system down. Without bulldozing themselves or this situation. I also teach them. How to have their own integrity and their own back and that it can be done in a very kind way. And the difference between nervous system dysregulation and promptings from the spirit, because I want them to have a very distinct and understanding of the difference between them. So that they know how to distinguish those things. And I think that's really important and being able to expand their nervous system. So that they are. Their nervous system. Doesn't get tr. Triggered. Maybe quite as often or buy things that used to come up, but don't anymore because they've taught themselves how to regulate. And I give them really good examples of. Like fight examples, flight examples, and frees examples and people please. Examples. But that could possibly happen. That has happened with their brothers or with some of their friends so that they are aware of them and so that they can see when they're coming up and how. To also be able to calm their nervous system down. All right. So that was number four. So number five. And this is something that I've talked about in other episodes. I just think it is. Definitely worth mentioning again. Is how to ask good questions. When they're teaching. Or even having a conversation with anybody. And be genuinely curious about their response. So I went over this in other episodes, but not in the aspect of them asking good questions to their investigators. But it's very helpful so that they can really see. Where their investigators are at. And to also understand. If the concepts that they're teaching. Are kind of sinking in. Or if they need to be retaught in some other way. So an example of this. I was teaching. Primary a number of years ago. And I asked the class when we started, how was your week? Okay. This. In this situation was a terrible question. Because they wanted to tell me exactly what happened during their week. And it took 10 minutes. Trying to get them back to the lesson that I was trying to start. So that was a really bad question. And I still chuckle to this day. But a better question during a lesson is what is this idea of, you know, whatever they're talking about, what does it mean to you? And then be very curious and open to whatever comes up for them because everybody's lens that they view things through. Has a different interpretation. And so what they hear and what their brain makes it mean is different than what actually came out of your mouth. So teaching my missionaries, how to do this has been, it's a skill that they learn and they keep learning and they get to know. They're investigators on a lot deeper level, because then they're not just talking at them, but they're also listening and very, and honing their listening skills so that if. If they took a concept and they didn't quite understand it. And so their brain interpreted a different way that they know that they can reteach that concept. And that sometimes it takes time for our brains to be open enough, to actually be able to hear what's being taught. Okay. And so there's, this is the last thing. That I'll share with you on this episode. Is that. I teach them not to blame Satan for their mistakes. Now, I'm not saying that he doesn't exist. But if they're blaming him for them sleeping in or for them not getting. The work done that they're supposed to. Then, what they're doing is they're giving away all of their agency and power. And choice to Satan. And so if they own their own life, they have power to overcome Satan. and we can not give him the more power than he deserves. So I teach them how. Blaming Satan for things or mishaps that come up in the world it's creating a very. powerless situation because then we assume that we cannot create something different. And so. Just to stop giving him more power than he deserves. And that's a, that's a concept that I teach, but it's also something that we talk about. At leading up to a mission and then on a mission. If I see if I start to see that coming up, then I just try to remind them. That. We don't need to give him any more power than he deserves because we're on the winning team. Being on Christ team. is the most powerful place to be. that was what I have for you today. I still have space in my April missionary mom academy that starting on the 16th. It's eight weeks. So go to the link in the show notes and book a call with me. We can talk what's happening for you and go over how I can help you. Thanks so much for joining me this week and I will see you. next week. All right. Bye-bye.
