Hey there, friends! In today's podcast, I opened up about the whirlwind of emotions I felt when my son got his mission call to Zimbabwe Harare Mission—excitement mixed with a touch of fear of the unknown. It's been quite the emotional roller coaster, but chatting with my sister has been a huge help in processing it all.
We also dove into the tough topic of supporting kids who choose not to serve a mission. It's a big deal in our church, especially for the boys, and it's not easy when expectations don't match up with reality. I shared a story about a fellow mom grappling with her son's decision and how it's crucial for us as parents to check in with ourselves. Are we showing unconditional love, or are we letting our fears get the best of us?
Creating a safe space for our kids to talk about their choices is key. I've been there with my own sons, sometimes getting it right, other times... not so much. But it's all about approaching these conversations with kindness and an open heart, no pressure.
To wrap things up, I've got some tips for you, and there's a supportive community waiting to help you through the mission-sending journey. Plus, I'm super excited about an upcoming class that'll give you the tools to prepare your children for missionary service.
Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them: michellesevans.coach@gmail.com
Hey there, friends! In today's podcast, I opened up about the whirlwind of emotions I felt when my son got his mission call to Zimbabwe Harare Mission—excitement mixed with a touch of fear of the unknown. It's been quite the emotional roller coaster, but chatting with my sister has been a huge help in processing it all.
We also dove into the tough topic of supporting kids who choose not to serve a mission. It's a big deal in our church, especially for the boys, and it's not easy when expectations don't match up with reality. I shared a story about a fellow mom grappling with her son's decision and how it's crucial for us as parents to check in with ourselves. Are we showing unconditional love, or are we letting our fears get the best of us?
Creating a safe space for our kids to talk about their choices is key. I've been there with my own sons, sometimes getting it right, other times... not so much. But it's all about approaching these conversations with kindness and an open heart, no pressure.
To wrap things up, I've got some tips for you, and there's a supportive community waiting to help you through the mission-sending journey. Plus, I'm super excited about an upcoming class that'll give you the tools to prepare your children for missionary service.
Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them: michellesevans.coach@gmail.com
Hello and welcome to the podcast. So first off, I just want to follow up. Um, last week. When I recorded, we were waiting for my son's mission call. So he is going to the Zimbabwe Herrera mission. I'm not sure I said that correctly. I probably totally messed it up, but that's okay. And he'll be leaving in September. So that was quite a surprise because. Because I was thinking Arkansas. Or. Maybe California. It's been a few interesting few days kind of watching. What's come up for me. And what's going on. It's been like kind of a little bit of a rollercoaster or there's times I feel really excited. And then I also have a ton of fear. I have. Just the unknown. And I started dissolving into tears. So all those emotions are totally normal. And part of the journey. That I believe that we're here to experience. So when fear has come up in my body, it feels almost like. Out of control and kind of grips my stomach. And my heart. So one of the ways that I have found. To help process. Through is talking to my sister and she just kind of understands and speaks my language. So it doesn't have to be a sister. It could be anybody. Um, but she's also willing to let me vent, talk out all of the things. Even when I'm kind of pouting or being a little Blunt. And she does it without judging or getting defensive about missions or anything like that. And it's kind of like I'm in this boat, that's rocking. And the act of listening. Is her reaching out and putting her hand in steadying my boat. So the reason this works is that your brain is spinning. And putting things into words. It helps you just really organize what's happening inside. And then it starts to create a shift. So that some of that fear can lose its grip and so you can feel calmer. So those are some of the things that have been going on for me. So over the next few months as I get my son ready, I'll be sharing more about that experience. And then, um, like I've mentioned before, I have another son that's serving currently in St. Louis. So this will be the first time I will have to serving at the same time. So I'm sure that that's also going to create some different scenarios, so stay tuned so that we can. You know, kind of talk about those things. So, what I want to talk about today is what, if you have a kid who doesn't want to serve a mission, And so you may have some that do and some that don't, and that there's a huge emphasis. You know, in our church. To serve missions. And especially for boys and. So if you have one that doesn't want to serve, how do you support them? And how do you show up? Because sometimes that can feel really, um, scary. As a mom. So it's interesting. That as parents, we want agency, we want to be able to choose how we teach our kids. And. And what we consider true and current principles. But by dang, when our kids want to make a choice, that's contrary to our vision. It is really hard to watch them exercise. Their agency. So a few years ago, I was watching another coach. Who was coaching a mom and this was live on stage. And her son was trying to decide about going on a mission. And this mom kept saying, um, This same line. She kept kind of circling back to it. I'm free. I'm afraid of, he doesn't go, his life will go off the rails. And. You could start to see this pattern. That she had built in her mind of what was going to go wrong and how much fear she had. For her son about not going and serving on a mission. She also mentioned how he would struggle with the people around him and possibly feel embarrassed or ashamed. Um, when he would tell people that he didn't want to serve. So it was a really interesting to exercise. To see somebody else's pattern that they had created through their life. And so I could see that, um, I could relate to some of her fears. Because I'd had similar. Um, things come up. But ultimately we moms, we don't get to decide if they serve. So the question is what do we get to control in this situation? So we basically get to control ourselves and how we show up. So, how do you want to show up for your son and daughter? And so I think this is a really good opportunity for us to be very conscious of what we're saying and how we're saying it. And one of the ways that we can. Can really understand and uncover what's happening in our mind is asking ourselves good questions. So I do this in a journal form. You can do this with a friend, but it's being able to see like kind of subconsciously what you've got running. And then it helps you clean up. Maybe some of the drama that's coming up inside of you. So you don't project that onto them. So, um, Some of the questions I have is if they decide not to serve. Will it change the way that you feel about them? And when I mean is like, does it change the way that you love them? And will you love them less? Uh, another question is, is your love conditional on them following the path that you deemed? They should. This was a really powerful question. And, uh, somebody asked it to me. And it got me all kinds of work done. Because. I felt like as a mother I knew best. And so they should want to do the things that I, I. You know, think is important. And so anyway, it may heal a little bit of drama for you. But it's a really good to get clear on that. Um, another question is, have you had the opportunity tunity to take away their choice and make it for them? Would you. Uh, I've talked about manuals on this podcast before, but we create manuals and then we expect people to follow them. So this also goes into creating a manual and then. You know, expecting them to follow him. And then I did an earlier episode on psychological safety it's episode number seven. So you can go back and listen to that whole episode. So I'm not going to go into the whole thing, but I am going to just give the definition. Psychological safety is the feeling of being safe to take risks, speak up. Share concerns without fear of punishment. It's a shared expectation that teammates. And here I would insert mom, dad, grandma, grandpa. Well, not embarrass, reject, or punish them for sharing their ideas, taking risks or sort of thing, feedback. So if they're in the decision-making process, Um, being able to be open to whatever that decision is without embarrassing, rejecting or punishing them for sharing their ideas. So the question would be, are you providing psychological safety? While you're talking to them about a mission. And, and I, and I go into that episode, the difference between psychological safety and coddling. So definitely there's a distinguishing factor. So make sure you listen to that episode, if you're curious about it. And another question is what emotion is driving this conversation. So sometimes we have a cleaned up at worst. We're coming to the, our kid and we're talking to them out of love and concern. And sometimes we're coming to them out of fear. And our own. Um, kind of drama and expectations. So this just made me make sure that we are really clear on what emotion is driving the conversation. Um, Another question is what is the problem? If they choose not to serve. So just be really clear in your mind, like what. What the problem is for you. If they don't serve. So that you can also kind of clean. Some of those thoughts and ideas and. Things up. So being the burst. Best version of you starts with understanding what's driving the conversation and.
