20: Preparing Kids for Missions: From Cooking to Scheduling

Hey there! Teaching kids to be self-reliant has so many benefits, especially as they gear up for missionary work. I talk about the mom trap of doing too much for our kids and how I've learned to step back. It's all about handing over the reins, from setting up their appointments to handling mission paperwork. I've even got them cooking and sewing! It's all about preparing them for their missions and life beyond. What a ride!

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Transcript

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Welcome to the podcast. So I have been thinking about this episode for a number of weeks. I had listened to. A faith matters podcast and had a guest. Who lives in New York city and she was labeled the world's worst mom. Because she let her son, she dropped her son off. Someplace in New York and she let him figure out how to take the subway alone. And find his way home. So this was back in the nineties. And it kind of blew up. She ended up on the today show and some of these other shows. And they labeled her as the world's worst mom. And so it was fascinating because. It made me realize that. We over-function a lot of times. As mothers. And sometimes we do that in the guise of being a good mom. But, the idea. Behind it is to start to give our kids tasks that help them to develop and grow. And in grow and independence and also incompetence. So when I was younger my kids were a lot younger. I felt like I needed to do the cooking, the cleaning, make sure they read scriptures, pick up from school, make their doctor's appointments, haircut appointments. And then. When they were thinking about going on a mission. My older son, I kept reminding him, okay, you got to do this next. Like you can't wait, you gotta do this. And I was just all over him and managing him. And maybe it's because I'm like getting tired now with my younger ones. I don't know what the difference is. Or maybe it's, I've wised up a little bit, but it's one of these things that I've kind of developed. The ability now. To allow them to get the task done. And sometimes they don't get them done in the way that I think they should or in the time that they should. But they feel so successful when they do. And so there's some soft skills that we can start to help our kids develop, especially as they're preparing to go on missions. Letting them call to make the appointments with the Bishop. Starting the process. When they open, open their mission portals, I would sit in the room. This is my younger kids. I would sit in the room. And if they got stuck and they didn't know how to fill out like insurance information, then I would help. But I never. Got access to their mission portal. In a way that I was in there taking care of things for them. I let them make the appointments with the doctor with a dentist. With the Bishop, the state president. And that helped them feel confident in their abilities to be able to move forward in the process. And so recently my youngest son. I mentioned has been called to Zimbabwe. And. He has to get a visa. So there's all of this independence learning that's going on through this visa process. And I never went through this process because none of my kids served in a place that required this intense of a visa process. So. He's busy finishing up his senior year. And he has all of these visa. Tasks that he needs to get done. And a lot of them are just arduous. He asked me if I would get in and read through the list and help explain a few things to him because he was unsure. And so then number of papers that he has to have notarized. And he's like, what is that? What is notarized? What is a notary. And I realized when would they ever learn about that? Unless, you know, they're exposed to it in some way. So it was like a perfect opportunity to explain what a notary was. And to help him. Understand how to find one. And what forms have to be notarized. Another thing he had request a letter from our Sheriff's office. Basically stating that he's like an upstanding citizen. And going to a Sheriff's office can be somewhat intimidating. But we talked about it. We talked about what kind of letter he needed. And made sure that he understood what he was asking for. So it was very clear. And then I let him go by himself. Because that is a skill that he needs. To be able to have and be able to walk into a Sheriff's office and ask. You know, the right questions to the right people or to ask the questions, to get to the right people so that he can make the request of. from the Sheriff's office. And all of these things help build. Confidence. And their ability to take care of themselves and understand what situations they're in. And the things that they're facing, because the fact is, is that as moms, we will not be with them. On a mission. We won't know all of the different things that come up. I recently saw a lady who had posted about her son had called in the middle of the week. And so it was very startling. And so she was really worried when she went to answer the phone. And Her son was like, mom, how do I turn off a toilet? Because the toilet was running over. And so while they're on video, she was telling him how to turn off a toilet. And those are all skills that they can learn. Prior, but it's funny because there's a lot of things we don't anticipate. And so when I saw her post, I actually made a video for my, my son that's out serving. And I said, I just want you to know this is how you turn off a toilet. Just in case this ever comes up and he on the next PD, he's like, mom, that was so random. And I was like, I know, but it's a skill that, I don't know if we had ever taught you. And so if. If it ever came up, I wanted you to know, you know, how to do it. And so some of the things we can anticipate and that's okay. But some of the things we can. And so it's an opportunity for them to start to do that. Another one that I highly recommend. Is allowing them to make their own appointments and put the reminders in their phone. Or set a remind for themselves, but teaching them how to organize their schedule. So that they can keep track. Of what it is they're they're doing, and then they're responsible and it doesn't need to be on your calendar because if you're calling them to like, Hey, don't forget you have an appointment. Then, what that says is that, that they do not have the ability to manage that themselves. And so it's kind of like when you're driving with somebody and they're like constantly pointing out things to you. And so they're they, they think that they're being helpful, but sometimes it's not helpful because. It, it's sending a message that they don't believe in there, your ability to drive. I mean, occasionally it's helpful. Right. But for the most part, it's not very helpful. And So we want to be able to definitely. Create those situations for our kids. The other thing is obviously cooking is, is a skill that they need to have and cooking with limited ingredients. So teaching them a few basic things that they like. And allowing them to practice it. And then also, if they're leaving the country, Showing them like there's other ingredients that they can use. That can make, you know, certain recipes. So one of the things that I've taught my kids with. Cooking is how to cook rice because I figured as long as they know how to cook rice, they won't. Won't go hungry and that's rice is accessible in almost every country. And that sounds really basic and it is, and that's okay. I've also taught him how to use different spices and what they are for and how you can really dress up a meal and make it taste a lot better. And just some of the basic ones that I use. And I usually send my kids, especially if they're leaving the country, sending them with some spices that they can take with them that they can use for cooking. And I just use the ones that I cook with normally. So whatever you're cooking with normally. Make sure that you give them Some of those things so that they can take them with them. Another thing that I think is a really important skill is how to do some basic stitches so that they can, so on a button. Or if one thing that's been really crazy with all the missionaries. That I've sent out is my boys. They're their suit pants have started to come apart. So I've taught them how to do some basic stitching so that they can sew their pants back together. And they don't run into. Ask for help or rely on other companions. One of the last things that. My son that's actually currently serving recommended. That I teach my youngest son is how to do a basic haircut. And so I have a sister-in-law who cuts hair. And so we're going to. Talk to her and meet with her and how to do a basic haircut for, you know, his companions. And then obviously also having his companions cut his hair. Because that seems to be a very, very prevalent thing out on the mission. All of my kids have been. Given haircuts by. Companions and they've given haircuts and none of them knew. How to do it before they left. And so this my youngest I'm like, okay, that's something that we definitely need to learn. And he doesn't need to go to hair school. He just needs. To be able to. Try and cut a few times so that he kind of gets the hang of like what he's looking for and how to follow a decent haircut so that he doesn't just. End up buzzed. And then the last thing is. How to do laundry. Just kind of a funny story my, I taught my boys how to do their own laundry, starting in about second to third grade. Because I had so many kids, like I could not keep on top of the laundry, so I needed their help. And so it's something that I did for my own. Preservation, but also for their, so that they would have clean clothes. And so I taught him how to do laundry and also how to fold. So I think it was back in 2021. My younger two boys went to a wrestling camp. And you have to do laundry every day when you're at wrestling camp. Because otherwise you can get like a skin disease and you can spread and it can turn into a really, you know, bad ordeal. And so, I sent them with laundry detergent and they, and they knew how to do their laundry. They'd been doing it for a long time. So I knew they were okay. And I think they were like sophomore and freshmen or. Yeah, sophomore and freshman or sophomore and junior when they went. And they were gone for 10 days. And when they came home, the thing that they talked about the most was how many of the kids. Didn't know how to start the washing machine or the dryer, and they didn't know how to do their own laundry. And so they're like, yeah, we spent most of the week teaching these other kids how to do laundry and. And they were. They were proud of themselves that they knew. And they were annoyed that these other kids didn't know. And so it was really funny cause they're like, how come these moms aren't teaching their kids how to do laundry? And I was like, well, not every mom does that. A lot of moms don't want their kids. You know, touching their washing machine or breaking things. And I said, my tolerance for that was just, it seemed to be quite high. And I allowed my kids to learn how to do that. And we went through a number of washing machines, but I felt like that was a necessary skill. And so teaching your kid how to do their own laundry and being responsible for their own clothes. My son, that's going to Zimbabwe. One of the things I said, it's teacher, son, how to do laundry and a bucket. And we both laughed because I've never done laundry in a bucket. And so I said, well, I guess we're going to get out YouTube and you and I are going to learn how to do laundry in a bucket. And luckily one of my older boys has served in Argentina. And he knows how to do laundry and a bucket. And so we're actually going to make it just like a family night. Well, which will be kind of funny. And fun. And we are all going to do some laundry in a bucket. So those are all things that are so good for our kids and imagine them coming in with those skills, like later in life, when they get married. And they know how to do some basic cooking and they know how to do some laundry. And they ha and. They have companions and, but they already know how to do those things. And it just sets them up for success in a way that they don't have to get overwhelmed about those skills, because there's all of these teaching things. that they're going to learn how to do. And. They're going to be, that's going to require them to really expand. But we can help lay that foundation and it really helps them build their own confidence. So, this is a really great time of their life, where they're open to learning. And you get an opportunity to teach them again. You guys. That's what I have for you today. I'd just like to invite you to come and join my missionary mom academy, Facebook page, where I'll be posting a lot of these things and tips. And I also post on there, the weekly episode. And it's a great place that you can ask questions. And we can have conversations. And just connect with other moms. Have a great week and we will see you next week. Bye bye.