This episode delves into the complex emotions that LDS missionary moms experience when their child receives a mission call. Michelle discusses the importance of choosing the right words to support these moms, highlighting how empathetic language can validate their feelings and provide comfort. With real-life stories, practical tips, and expert insights, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to offer meaningful support to missionary families.
Key Points:
Understanding Mixed Emotions: The pride, joy, anxiety, and sadness that come with a mission call.
The Impact of Common Phrases: Why well-meaning phrases like "congratulations" can sometimes feel off.
The Importance of Empathy: How empathetic language can validate a mom's feelings and offer true support.
Practical Language Tips: Alternative phrases to use that acknowledge both the positive and challenging aspects of a mission call.
This episode delves into the complex emotions that LDS missionary moms experience when their child receives a mission call. Michelle discusses the importance of choosing the right words to support these moms, highlighting how empathetic language can validate their feelings and provide comfort. With real-life stories, practical tips, and expert insights, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to offer meaningful support to missionary families.
Key Points:
Understanding Mixed Emotions: The pride, joy, anxiety, and sadness that come with a mission call.
The Impact of Common Phrases: Why well-meaning phrases like "congratulations" can sometimes feel off.
The Importance of Empathy: How empathetic language can validate a mom's feelings and offer true support.
Practical Language Tips: Alternative phrases to use that acknowledge both the positive and challenging aspects of a mission call.
Imagine that your child is opening their mission call. And you have friends and family over. And everyone's super excited and cheering and it's very energetic. And at this is as this excitement kind of swells around you. You start to feel a lump in your throat. And you're proud. And you're excited, but there's also this kind of nine anxiety. And a looming sense of loss. And then somebody turns to you and says, congratulations. Which is meant to be comforting, but it doesn't quite fit. So welcome to the LDS missionary mom podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Evans. And today we're diving into the delicate art of choosing the right words and how we can support each other. When emotions are high. And our words sometimes fall short. As we begin, let's just acknowledge that roller coaster of emotions that come with a mission call. For a lot of moms, the moment that their kids open. The call they're filled with pride and joy, but it could also have a tinge of anxiety and sadness. And uncertainty. And the idea of sending off your child for two years sounded really fun as they were growing up. But now that it's here, It can feel very daunting. So you might feel some immense pride. And their willingness to serve, but also deep sense of loss. At this separation that you're going to be experienced. And that's okay. It's totally natural to have mixed feelings. And there's this pressure to feel excited. And it can sometimes overshot shadow those more challenging emotions. And culturally we're expected to be thrilled and nothing else. But let's be honest. It's not always. That simple when somebody says, congratulations. It may not hit the mark. And so that brings us to the power of the words that we use. Well-meaning friends and family may say, are you excited? Or, you know, congratulations. And while these phrases are intended to be positive, they can sometimes feel a little bit off. And I started to notice this within the last year. As. Friends that I have, their kids were opening mission calls. And they would post on Facebook or whatever. And that was kind of the common theme was congratulations. And when my son opened his call. Back in April. I had a lot of that similar. Sediment. Where a lot of people were saying congratulations, which was really interesting because I could feel inside of myself. That it felt. Just a little bit off. And it doesn't really resonate because it kind of glosses over. The complex feelings that I was, you know, starting to come up for me. And what I noticed is that when I said, and I mentioned something else about. Feeling some of these other emotions. The discomfort that other moms fell, like, why wouldn't you be excited? Also felt a little bit off. I noticed that what happens is, is that we start to not validate other people's. Feelings or like kind of what they're going through. So it's important to recognize that there is excitement. But there's also the sense of loss and concern. By being mindful of our language, we can offer more meaningful support. And so let's just start with empathy. Empathy is the key to truly supporting other moms. And it's about putting ourselves in their shoes and acknowledging their full range of motions. And also not just putting ourselves in their shoes. But not judging the emotions that they're feeling. If they're not exactly the same feelings that you may have felt or somebody, you know, may have felt about sending out a, a missionary. Because it can be very complex. When we use empathetic language, We validate. There are feelings and their experience. And we let them know that there are no not alone and this can be incredibly comforting. When most people are just saying. You know, typical. Congratulations type words. Let's just talk about some practical ways to use empathy in our conversations. So, instead of saying, congratulations. Maybe you can say, this is such a meaningful step. This acknowledges like the, a significance. Of the moment. Without imposing a specific feeling on them. Instead of asking aren't you excited? Maybe try, how are you feeling about this? And this opens the door for the moms to share their true emotions, whether they're excited. Anxious or somewhere in between. Another supportive comment could be. I can imagine this is going to be a big change for both of you. How can I support you during this time? This shows that you're thinking about their needs and you're willing to help. When my son that's currently serving when he opened his mission call and there was. All these congratulations. I felt so. Wrong the way that I was feeling in the, in the moment, I felt like I should be really excited about it. But I was really, really sad and really frustrated. By all of the congratulations going on around me. And so I had some friends that had, you know, reached out because they knew that this was going to be kind of a struggle for me. And asked me. In genuine concern. How are you holding up? And it was simple. But it showed that they really, really cared deeply about my wellbeing. And they weren't trying to discard. My feelings and thoughts and what was coming up for me in the moment. Another thing that I found was really interesting is that. The way that we communicate with our missionaries now being able to talk to him once a week, my oldest my older son that served. We only got to speak with him twice a year. And the amount of disconnects that it created inside of me. And. Was so powerful. And so it felt so heavy. In the moment. And so many people were so confused. By my emotions. And they were like, yeah, but aren't you aren't you so glad? And I was like, yes. And. I'm also feeling so sad and disconnected from him. And so it's, it was really an interesting time. To be able to reflect that. It's okay. If you're appealing multiple emotions at once. And it doesn't always have to be excitement and congratulations. And no matter how you're feeling that that's. Totally. Valid. And. Having a community is really important and being able to talk to other moms in those situations. My son's friends. Mom's we get together once a month. And we just talk about. The good. And also some of the scary and some of the bad. And so just being aware of. Some of those. Situations. We recently had two missionaries. That were in the car accident up in North Dakota. And our words are really important when we're considering. How to console somebody or trying to offer words. And one thing that I've learned over the years is when somebody lost somebody. And they, and one of the. Very common things that said is. They're in a better place. And when we say that, One of the things that we're inferring is that being with us. Being here on this earth. It's not a good place. And that somehow. They're better off. And it never lands well. my younger sister. Gave birth to twins. And one of them only live 10 days and then he passed away. And she said that one of the hardest things for her. When she lost her son. Was she had a well-meaning Bishop. And he said, aren't you excited? You have a celestial being. And that was like a devastating thing. For him to say to her, Because somehow she was supposed to muster being excited. And it's not a matter of excitement. It's she was so, so sad. And, the grief that she was feeling. I was so intense and then to be told. Aren't you excited? You can see how our words can feel very off in those moments. And so just being aware and being thoughtful about how we are. Showing up to. Empathize with whatever people are going through in the moment. And even if somebody shares. Something about having a companion that may be. Their son or daughter is struggling with. And being empathetic to, I mean, of course they're going to struggle, but not like, oh, I'm so excited that they're going to struggle or, oh, but aren't you so glad because. That's when it starts to feel kind of sick. And so we just want to be mindful. Of those moments so that we can be really aware and conscious of the words that we're using and being very aware of how. The words that we use impact the people around us and other moms and other kids. And I know that like, as my boys have opened their mission calls, And the clients that I've worked with. there was some excitement, but there also was. You know, some very deep uncertainty and also some fear about what's happening. I think it's really important. That we acknowledge some of those other emotions. As we re recap. Let's just talk about some of the key points. The words that we choose matter deeply. There was a talk in general conference. This past April from the newest apostle that he talks about our words matter. And I will link that. Talk in the show notes because it goes really well. With this message. To all the missionary moms that are listening. Your feelings are valid. And having multiple feelings at once. You're not alone. And whether you're feeling joy. Or anxiety or uncertainty or sadness, or maybe a mixture of all three. It's okay. And remember that there's always a community here to support you. That's what I have for you today. And I would just encourage anybody that if this message landed with you, if you could share. This episode, it really means the world to me to be able to help spread the word and support as many missionary moms as we can. All right, everybody have a great day and I will see you next time. Bye bye.
