Finding Worthiness in Our Pain.

Hi, dear friends! Welcome back to our latest episode of "Happy By Design: Happiness Among the Chaos." I'm your host, Lizz Romney, and today marks our 8th episode together – a journey I'm incredibly grateful for. This episode is particularly special and personal to me as I open up about a chapter of my life I've never shared before. It's a story about vulnerability, accepting help, and understanding the worthiness of our pain. Let's dive in and explore how embracing our struggles can lead us to happiness.

Episode Highlights:

1. My Leukemia Diagnosis: I begin with the shocking moment I was diagnosed with leukemia and how the treatment, despite being 'just a pill a day,' brought immense physical and emotional turmoil.
2. Feeling Unworthy of Kindness: I share the internal conflict of feeling undeserving of the kindness and support offered by my church community during my illness, plagued by guilt and a sense of unworthiness.
3. Realization of Compassion: A pivotal moment arrives when I recognize the genuine compassion in the eyes of those helping me, leading to an epiphany about the worthiness of my pain and struggles.
4. Validating Your Pain: I discuss the importance of acknowledging and validating your pain, regardless of how it compares to the struggles of others.
5. The Lego Analogy: Revisiting our discussion from episode 6, I liken ourselves to a box of Legos, emphasizing how accepting help is like inviting others to assist in piecing together our broken parts.
6. Embracing Help and Vulnerability: I stress the importance of accepting help with grace, viewing it as an act of mercy towards oneself and a step towards healing.
7. Choosing Happiness in Pain: I conclude with a powerful message about the significance of feeling our pain and how it ultimately leads to happiness, by choosing to embrace and find joy in our experiences.

Special Announcement:

• Instagram Connection: I invite you to follow me on Instagram at lizzromney. Join me there for a glimpse into my 'Happy By Design' life, and let's connect personally. Send me a DM mentioning you're a podcast listener, and let's start a beautiful friendship.

Reminder:

• Revisit Episode 6: For those who haven't listened to episode 6, I highly recommend pausing this episode, giving it a listen, and then returning here. It sets a foundation for understanding today's discussion.

Thank you for joining me on this heartfelt journey. Remember, your pain is valid, and your journey towards happiness is uniquely yours. Embrace it, and let's design our happiness together. See you in the next episode, dear friend!

Links:

• Follow Me on Instagram: Lizz Romney
• Revisit Episode 6: Happy By Design – Episode 6

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi, my name is Liz Romney and I'm obsessed with understanding what true happiness really means, while still embracing life's ups and downs, especially during the downs. I'm a Mama 3 and a cancer fighter, making sure that my sweet family still enjoys life. Happiness was never meant to be only felt when things go right. Happiness is so much more than that. Through heartfelt conversations, you'll discover how to commit to intentional joy, no matter what's going on in your life. So make sure you have your favorite drink, because we don't shy away from any topic. Welcome to Happy by Design Happiness Among the Chaos. Well, hello there, my dear friend. Welcome back to Happy by Design Happiness Among the Chaos. I can't believe we have made it to 8 episodes already. Wow, this feels so unreal. But thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for being here and to listen to what I have to say, and I hope my words make you feel seen, loved and supported in your journey in your life. I'm your host, liz Romney, and I'm going to be very, very vulnerable in today's episode. I think this is going to be a short episode, but we will see. We will see how it goes. We will see where it takes us. So what I'm going to share today is something I have never shared before with anyone. It's a little embarrassing, but I know there are many people there who feel or have felt the same way I felt once, and in order for us to make room for happiness, we need to be honest with ourselves, and I'm going to be that today. I'm going to be very honest with you in about a part of my journey with cancer that, like I said, is I feel a little bit embarrassed about, but I'm happy. I went through it and helped me understand certain things, and I hope that this understanding will help you. So let's get started.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Okay, so when I was diagnosed with leukemia, my treatment consisted well, it still consists of taking one pill a day. That's it. No chemo, no radiation, no surgery, no transplant just one pill a day. But let me tell you that this pill is a killer. It made me so sick the first few months that there were many days I thought I was going to die. It still, to this day, sometimes makes me sick, but not as bad.

Speaker 1: 2:26

Well, when I became sick, the members of my church came together and started bringing us dinner almost every day for two months. They would also visit me, bring me flowers, treats and all kinds of acts of kindness to help us out. Now, the thing that I never shared was that I felt so unworthy of these kinds of kindness because I thought that my struggle, my pain, wasn't good enough for the help I was receiving. I felt guilty that I wasn't going through chemo. I felt guilty that I only had to take a pill every day, and, even though I was very, very sick, I thought that it still was not good enough. Every time, someone would come to my home to bring us dinner or a treat, I always thought what if I don't look sick enough and they think I'm faking it and then they stop helping us? I really needed it, I really really needed the help, but didn't think I deserved it.

Speaker 1: 3:20

There were nights that I would fantasize that somehow my condition was going to get worse and I was going to be worthy of all this help, and then I would feel guilty for thinking that way. I wasn't here really bad place during that time. I was just in this circle of I'm not sick enough, so I should get more sick, but then I felt guilty, because what would I do? That it's just, it was just bad. So one day, though, I noticed something that the people that came to my home looked at me and they were not making sure if I was sick enough for their help. They were, like, let me see a list. Yeah, you look pale today, or you don't look pale enough, or this or that. Right, I noticed they were not doing that. They were looking at me with so much compassion and so much love and all they wanted to do was to help me, and I realized in that moment that my pain was good enough for help.

Speaker 1: 4:15

How many times have you felt like that or something similar about your challenges? Felt like you cannot ask for help because others will think that it's not so bad and you shouldn't be complaining because others have it worse. Or that you have felt burdened to others because you have been taking too long feeling your pain and you should be over by now, but you are not. Or maybe you are on the other side of this and desperately want help, but people keep acting like your pain isn't as bad. My dear friend, I feel your pain. I feel the pain that you have because of your pain, and I want you to know that, whatever you're going through, whatever you feel, your pain is valid. Your pain doesn't need to be anything more or anything less to be worthy of attention, compassion and mercy. What the heart aches the most is for someone to say I see you, and sometimes that someone has to be you. So go ahead and tell your heart that you see it feeling all this pain.

Speaker 1: 5:24

When you compare your pain to other people's pain, you will never win, because there will always be someone in a worse situation or someone in a better situation. Comparing yourself, comparing your pain, is denying yourself and it is actually delaying your ability to recognize what you need to be able to carry and endure your challenge in a way that you can feel proud of yourself. If you're fortunate enough to have people that want to help you, always and I'm saying this in capital letters always, always accept their help. You're worthy of help, not because of how big or small your pain. You're worthy of help simply because you are in pain. Accepting help is the most merciful thing you can do for yourself, because it is vulnerable and it is not easy to accept that you cannot do it yourself. You cannot do this by yourself. So please always, always, accept help when someone is offering it.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Remember in episode six how we talked about the URI box of Legos and if you haven't heard this episode, if you haven't heard episode six, I really recommend you pause this episode, listen to episode six and then come back. It's so good, it's such a good episode. So, like I was saying, you are a box of Legos and the pieces are you. When you accept the help of others, it's like you're scoping all those pieces that are dirty, broken, damaged and you say to this other person here I'm trying to make this design, but I cannot seem to figure out how these pieces come together. Can you tell me how, or can you help me? That is accepting help. It's inviting others in your Lego design. So again, if you haven't heard episode six, pause it, go listen to it and then come back. It's going to make more sense if you listen to episode six. So when you come and you tell someone here I don't know how these pieces fit together, help me with my design, help me know what to do or help me put it together, my friend Daddy is making room for happiness.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Accepting help is happiness because you're looking at your pieces and you're saying they deserve to be taken care of. Others are looking at you being brave and even though you are going through a very crappy situation. They see you doing your best on creating a design and when they offer their help, what they really are saying is let me be part of your design, I want to witness your strength. That's what they're saying. You say I want to witness your strength, I want to be part of your design, let me be part of it. So, my dear friend, take your pain, look at it and say you are real and you deserve my attention and I deserve to feel you. Feeling your pain will ultimately lead to happiness, because you're choosing to find enjoyment in your experience of yourself.

Speaker 1: 8:32

Don't let circumstances tell you if your pain is good enough or not, because it is Simply because it is there. Nothing and no one, not even you, determine if your pain is good enough or not to receive help and attention. It does simply because it is there. When I realize these things, when I stop thinking my pain is not good enough because my cancer treatment is not as bad as it could be, I am not the worst case scenario. I'm actually the best case scenario and I let go of that guilt, that guilt of others have it worse than me. I should be worse because I'm getting all this help when I let go of that guilt. It's just, things got better. I felt better, even though my circumstance was not better, even though I still felt very sick and even though I felt like the world was on top of me. I felt the weight of the world.

Speaker 1: 9:33

But I let go of that particular guilt, of that particular feeling that my pain was not good enough. I felt better and I was able to really pay attention to my pain and decide okay, I am in pain emotional pain, physical pain, spiritual pain. What do I need? And that is the invitation I want to give you today. What do you need? Your pain is real, your pain is attention, your pain is your mercy. What do you need? And when you ask this question and you go with it and you find the answer and you give your pain what it needs, again, my friend, you're making room for happiness. You're designing happiness. You're no longer letting circumstances letting you determine if you deserve happiness or not. You're going for it, because, really, why leave happiness to chance when you can design it yourself? Now, that was my vulnerable episode. I hope you found some.

Speaker 1: 10:47

I don't know what's the word here some solace. Is that a word in English, I'm not sure, but you felt something that make you feel like I need to look at my pain. It's time, it's good enough for me to take care of it, it's good enough for me to share with others and it's good enough to receive that help that I need. So, before I leave, though, I want to give you an official invitation to join me on Instagram. I share my life there, a lot of it, I know.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Through these episodes you have seen, I have shared a lot of my life, of my cancer journey, a little bit of my marriage, a little bit of my motherhood and a little bit of my daughterhood. Is that even a word? But it's on Instagram where I share a lot of my life, my day to day life. So if you're wondering how I create a happy, by design life, you can see it there. You can follow me on Instagram and see how I live my life and how I try every day to make room for happiness. So you can follow me, at least, romney. So L I Z Z R O M and E? Y and send me a DM and tell me you're a podcast listener and I will say hi to you and we will become friends. But again, friend, thank you so much for being here and I'll see you in the next episode, and I hope I will see you in Instagram too.