How to soothe your feelings of overwhelm in 3 steps

Hi there, dear friend! Welcome back to another enriching episode of our podcast journey. I'm your host, Lizz Romney, and I’m thrilled to have you here, especially after a brief two-week hiatus. In today's episode, we're tackling a topic that resonates with so many of us: overcoming overwhelm. Whether you're facing chronic health challenges or any other kind of hurdle in life, this episode is crafted with you in mind. Let's dive into the insights and strategies to help you navigate through the fog of overwhelm with grace and resilience.

Episode Highlights:

• Understanding Overwhelm: I delve into what overwhelm really means - the feeling of carrying too much within us, whether it's emotions, expectations, or stress, and how it manifests in our lives.
• The Four Faces of Overwhelm: I explore the four key areas where overwhelm often surfaces:
  • In your body
  • In your moods and reactions
  • In your mind 
  • n your daily life
• Step-by-Step Escape Plan: I share a three-step escape plan to identify, understand, and tackle overwhelm:
   
  • Identifying where your feelings of overwhelm are most pronounced.
  • Understanding the REFRAME method, an acronym for strategies to soothe overwhelm
  • Matching your overwhelm areas with appropriate REFRAME strategies.
• Creating Your Personal Escape Plan: I encourage you to use the provided guide to tailor your own escape plan, ensuring a proactive approach to managing overwhelm.

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• Free Guide Download: Don’t forget to download your free guide.
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Reminder:

• Not Medical Advice: Please remember that this podcast is based on personal experiences and opinions, and is not intended as medical advice.

Thank you for joining me in this empowering episode. Remember, happiness isn't just about chance; it's about designing it intentionally, even amidst life’s challenges. Looking forward to our next episode, dear friend!

Links:

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Happy by Design Happiness Among the Chaos. I'm Liz Romney and I live with chronic cancer. This podcast is all about learning how to be happy while learning how to thrive with chronic health challenges. I'm a mother of three and a wife obsessed with understanding what happiness looks like in the most challenging season of our lives. Through heartfelt conversations, you'll discover how to commit to intentional joy, no matter what's going on in your life. Now make sure you have your favorite drink, because we don't shy away from any topic.

Speaker 1: 0:33

Welcome to Happy by Design. Happiness Among the Chaos. Well, hello there, dear friend, welcome back. I took two weeks off from the podcast because I didn't have a good structure on how to create these episodes, so they were actually becoming overwhelming, and I don't need more overwhelming in my life, and you might also have noticed it changing the intro. When I started this podcast, my idea was to help people that were going through any type of challenges, but I had an impression that I should focus on those with health challenges, especially those with chronic health challenges. But if you are here and you have a challenge that is not health related, you are welcome to stay. Everything I share here can be adapted to any type of challenge and I am grateful that you are a listener. Believe me, I truly appreciate that you are here.

Speaker 1: 1:24

Well, speaking of overwhelm, in today's podcast, I am going to share with you the steps I take to make sure that I am soothing my feelings of overwhelm. Being overwhelmed sucks, it sucks and it makes life so unpleasant, especially when you are sick. Something I always say is that I do not need to make things worse for myself. Life is already very hard with chronic cancer, and that's something I cannot do anything about. But I can do something about the other stuff of my life, and overwhelm is one of those. So what is overwhelm? Well, the way that I understand overwhelm is that this is a pressure. It's the pressure we feel when we have accumulated too much of something within us Too much anger, too much sadness, too much worry, too many expectations, pushing ourselves way beyond our limits. So anything that is too much within us will create overwhelm, since when I am overwhelmed, I feel like a pressure cooker about to explode, or like I am in the thick of a fog, a thick fog that I cannot get out of.

Speaker 1: 2:30

So, when it comes to feelings of overwhelm, and you are starting to notice that this little machivist friend is doing an appearance in your life. You need an escape plan. I have an escape plan that I use to pinpoint where I am feeling overwhelmed and what to do to soothe those feelings. This escape plan has three steps. So step number one identifying where you're feeling overwhelmed. I have identified four places where overwhelm can be saying hello, I am here. So the first place, the first one in your body, then the second one in your mood and reactions. Number three in your mind and number four in your daily life.

Speaker 1: 3:13

So let's go deep on this. Let's start with in your body. So number one when you're feeling overwhelmed in your body, you are experiencing physical symptoms, symptoms like low energy through the day, or you wake up feeling good, but by 12 or 3, or 4 or 5, you are dead, zero energy. Or maybe your neck or your back are in pain or feel stiff and you have no idea why. Maybe you are more hungry than normal, so you are eating more than normal, or maybe you aren't hungry at all and barely eating. Or how about you're biting your nails or fidgeting around, or you cannot stay still in one place, or maybe you don't even want to move, or maybe you have this surge of energy from nowhere and then it collapses. There are many ways that overwhelm can affect your body. So when you see change in the way your body is functioning and you know you're not sick, outside your typical health challenges and outside the side effects of your treatment, then overwhelm is probably the culprit Number two in your moods and reactions. This is where I see my overwhelm most of the time Not always, but most of the time. When you see a drastic change in the way you react to things, people or circumstances around you, you are probably overwhelmed. Maybe you are getting angry so much faster and a lot bigger than normal. Everyone irritates you and annoys you. Or maybe you are crying for no reason at all. Or maybe you feel numb, like you are just going through your days with no motivation or enjoyment at all. The key here is that you are acting, when it comes to moods and reactions, in a way that you normally wouldn't, or you have been in this cycle for a while, but you weren't like this before.

Speaker 1: 5:00

3. In your mind this is another one that affects me when I am overwhelmed. In your mind means that your mind is being a little bully. You keep having thoughts that aren't fun. Negative thoughts about your worth or negative thoughts about other people, negative thoughts about your health and your body, or even your mind itself. Or maybe you cannot focus and keep zoning out when you are trying to do something or have a conversation with someone, or maybe you find yourself thinking way too much about something, or maybe your levels of worry are so high that you cannot even sleep. You are worrying about everything, like if your kids are going to be traumatized about your health challenges, or if you are going to die even though you are not terminally ill, or if your husband is going to leave you, or if the house catches some fire while you are sleeping, or if someone is going to steal your car. You get it right. You get it. Another one for the mind will be if you feel constant guilt. Maybe guilt. Maybe guilt for being sick, guilt because of financial burden, guilt for not being able to do things you normally would do, or guilt for past mistakes Just guilt. You are overcome with guilt.

Speaker 1: 6:14

Okay, number four in your daily life. When I say your daily life, I am referring to how you feel about your everyday life, your everyday routine. Some of the signs could be your misplacing things like keys, phones, controllers, etc. Or maybe the things you could normally do, considering you have the energy to do them, they still feel like you are climbing a mountain, so you decide to watch Netflix instead or scroll on Instagram. Or maybe the laundry is piling up and you simply don't want to do it or any chart, even though you have the energy to do them. Or maybe the other side of the spectrum you keep doing things in your to do list until you burn yourself out. Maybe you simply rather just stay in bed and let the day pass away because you don't want to deal with anything.

Speaker 1: 7:09

Okay, so that's step number one Identifying where your feelings of overwhelm are showing up. Sometimes it can be in two of these places, but most of the time there's one. That is the main one, the one that is affected the most. So try to identify where this is. So recap, so you can find this in your body, in your moods and reactions, in your mind and in your everyday life. But before I continue, I know this is a lot of information I'm giving you and we still have two more steps. Don't worry, my dear friend, I got you. I have a guide that will give you all of this information so you can actually implement these steps. It's a free guide and I will include the link in the show notes so you can go. After I'm done with this episode, you can go to the show notes, click on the link and get the guide.

Speaker 1: 8:04

Okay, let's move on to step number two. Step number two is the solution. It's the method we will soothe the overwhelm. But step number two is not about applying it. It's about understanding the solution, and I call this reframe, and reframe is in acronym I think that's how you pronounce this word acronym Hopefully. So each letter represents a possible solution to where your overwhelm is showing up.

Speaker 1: 8:32

Don't worry, in step number three I'll show you how to know which reframe element to use. But let's learn what reframe means. So the first R means rest. The E express your emotions. F, food. R readjust your routine. A abandon expectation. M move your body. And then the last E explore your relationships. Let's remember that overwhelm is the pressure of the accumulation of too much of something Too much tiredness or too much stress, too much unprocessed feelings and emotion, too much bad eating habits, too much on your plate, too many unrealistic expectations, too much sedentary I think that's how you say that word too. So there you go. Or too much of the wrong physical activity, or too much time without connecting with your loved ones, and many, many more. But reframe tackles all that too. It tackles all of them. The key here is to know how to apply them. So we're going to talk about that in step number three, but before I move on, in the guide for this episode there's a list of activities that you can do for each reframe element, once you figured out which one you need after doing step number three. So, my dear friend, make sure you download the guide.

Speaker 1: 9:59

Okay, now step number three. Step number three is about matching where you're feeling overwhelmed with reframe element by asking yourself a few questions. Question number one Now that you know where the feelings of overwhelmed are showing up, describe it in detail, how it's showing up. So let me give you some examples. Example number one In my emotions and reactions. I identified that my overwhelm is showing up in my emotions and reactions, so this is the description that I wrote. Lately, I have been getting very upset with the kids and my husband. I keep yelling at them for not picking up their things or leaving messages around the house. I also get upset by loud noises, even if they're just playing music or having fun. I feel like I have no control over my anger and I have never been like this before.

Speaker 1: 10:47

Let me give you example number two. So in this one, I'm identifying that the overwhelm is showing up in my daily life. So here is the description I feel like my head is going to explode Just thinking about everything I need to do. I don't feel well, but things need to get done. But by 3 pm, energy is too low and I cannot do the thing I want to do. Okay, let me give you a little pause here. All of these the examples, the questions, all of these are in the guide. So make sure you go to the show notes and you download the guide.

Speaker 1: 11:20

Okay, question number two you want to ask yourself, now that you have a deeper understanding of your overwhelming feeling, ask yourself why do I think it is showing up in this area? Okay, example number one remember we said in my emotions and reaction, it's all about getting upset with the kids and the husband, right? So example number one I feel like my family expects me to do everything around the house, even though I don't feel well. I need their help, but feel guilty for asking them to do more than they are used to. These are my responsibilities by. I sincerely cannot do them anymore by myself, and I'm resentful that they aren't noticing how unwell I am. Okay, for example number two remember, this is in my daily life. So I wrote I'm putting too much pressure on myself on getting things done.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Okay, question number three now that you have an even deeper understanding of what is happening, go back to reframe, read each element and choose which one you want to apply and how you will apply. This is the great thing about reframe you can choose any element that you want, but once you understand the details, the deep details of why your overwhelm is showing where it's showing and why you think it's showing there, then you're going to have more understanding to. Okay, I think this reframe element is going to work better because of these reasons. Okay, so, for example number one the reframe element that I chose was express my emotions. I'm going to have a meeting with my family this weekend and tell them how I'm feeling and how I need help. I will be calm and together we can come up with a plan of new chores. Did you see that? So we went from in my emotions to reactions. Right, I'm feeling really overwhelmed in my emotions and reactions and the reason is because I'm upset with my kids. This is how I express it, right, I'm upset with my kids, I'm yelling at them because they're leaving messages around and I don't want to pick up their things, and even though I know the reason why this is affecting me so much is because I know this is my responsibility, but I don't feel well and I need their help and I feel guilty. So which is the reframe element that I chose to express my emotions and ask for help and together we can come up with a new plan, a new chores plan.

Speaker 1: 13:51

Okay, for example number two abandoned expectations. Remember, in example number two, we said that the re Sorry, the over one was showing up in my daily life. It feels like my head is going to explode just thinking about everything I need to do, and the reason why this is feeling like that is because I'm putting so much pressure on myself on getting things done. So what I'm going to do? What reframe element I'm going to choose? Abandoned expectations. I know I want to be an energized woman, sorry, no, I know I want to be the energized woman I used to be, but I am not. I'm burning myself out trying to be that woman. I'm going to create a list of the things I do every day and eliminate things from that list that I can no longer do. I will remind myself that it is okay to have new expectations of myself and I can choose to live a more balanced life, considering my health. Did you see how that went from? I'm recognizing that my overwhelm is showing up in my everyday life, in my daily life, because I have all these things I need to do, because I'm putting too much pressure on doing them, but because I'm choosing abandoned expectations. I realize that I cannot do the things I used to do and that I'm putting too much pressure into my expectation to be the woman I used to be, but I am not because of my health. Do you see how all this comes together? Okay?

Speaker 1: 15:31

So question number four optional but recommended select one to two supported reframe elements, meaning you can use multiple reframe elements. So if you feel that one element is not enough, you can choose the second one. So, for example, number one remember she was feeling in her emotions. She was I say she, but it was me. It's a whole thing I keep going with. I keep changing she and me. But you get it right. You get it. So let's just skip with she. Okay, let's just skip it with she.

Speaker 1: 16:08

So she's feeling it in her emotions and reaction. She was yelling her kids and husbands husband, one husband and she realized that she needs help. She created her reframe. Her first reframe was express her emotion where she met with her family and say, hey guys, I'm not feeling well and I need help. Her second reframe was explore my relationships. So she wrote, or I wrote, or whatever. My family and I need to spend some quality time together. For the next month, I'll set time apart every Friday to have a movie night in our living room. We'll make popcorn and let the kids choose the movie they want to watch. Did you see that? Just imagine yourself and put yourself in these shoes, right In the place of this person you went from.

Speaker 1: 16:57

I'm yelling at my kids, I'm yelling at my kids and my husband. We're having a really terrible relationship right now. I don't feel good about the way I'm reacting. They probably don't feel good about the way I'm reacting. This is all accumulating. So the reason why this person is feeling her emotion is because she's not feeling well and in her and her reactions, because the fact that they're her kids, right, are not cleaning up after themselves or all these things, is creating too much emotions of what resentment, right of I cannot do this anymore. So she once goes and says I'm going to express my emotions. She went from okay, guys, I need help. I need help to a second part. I'm going to connect connect with my family more. After we created a plan for chores, we're going to still nurture our relationship.

Speaker 1: 17:49

See how we frame could change this person's overwhelm. It will suit it, it will make it. It will make it calm down, it will keep it. Obey, okay, with sample number two, what other supportive reframe this person can use? So first one was a benjon expectation. She has too much on her plate and she's going to make a list of the things that she can no longer do in her during the day. Just keep the things that she can actually do because of her health, and then, and and then she's going to choose a supporter element which will be readjust her routine. See how those two can go together, abandon her expectations of what she can do and then create a new routine, just so she wrote now that I know what things I really want to focus on. I'm going to create a new schedule that will match my energy levels with my focus things.

Speaker 1: 18:40

You see how this plan, how this escape plan, comes together, this process that I just will create that escape plan that will suit your feelings of overwhelm. You can try many combinations of reframe, reframe until you find a sweet spot, okay. So, like I said, in the guide, you're going to find many, many suggestions of activities you can do for every reframe element. So you get that okay. So now that you know the three steps, it's time for you to create your own escape plan. You need to sit down and put all of this together.

Speaker 1: 19:20

In the guide I provide for this podcast, you have a place where you can put all of this together, answer the questions and how you're going to apply reframe.

Speaker 1: 19:29

Take a moment to think about where do you want to reduce your overwhelm and apply it. I can give you all the steps that you need, but they will not work until you apply them. Because really, my friend, why live happiness to chance when you can decide it yourself? So before I go, let me ask you a question have you subscribed to the podcast? If you are enjoying the episodes in the podcast. Don't forget to subscribe and that way you can get an alert when I drop a new episode. But if you want to go the extra mile, take a screenshot of this episode, share it on instagram stories and make sure you tag me at least romney. That's lizzromney. Now, before I leave, I need to remind you that I am not a medical professional or a therapist, and everything I share here comes from my experiences and opinions, so none of this should be taken as medical advice. I'll see you in the next episode.