Hello my Listeners! Welcome to Episode 8 of the Shy to Dynamic podcast! I can’t believe the number of episodes is nearing the double digits. I can’t wait to reach Episode Magic Number 10!
I hope everyone out there is doing well this week. And I thank you for tuning in again.
So this week I’m going to talk about a bit of a realization that I had several months ago that made me feel much more at peace with my life so far. It was kind of a reframing of my mindset. And remember I talked about reframing in Episode 4… the Denver episode. I actually had a big epiphany that I arrived at by working with a life coach for like five minutes, for free. And this shows the power of mindset coaching or life coaching.
So this epiphany is kind of a strange thing to say, but… You can be years younger if you want to be!... in certain aspects of your life, that is.
There are multiple parts of you. There is your social side. There is your professional side. There is your financial side. There is your physical or athletic side. There is your creative side. There is your emotional side.
All of these sides of you are allowed to have different ages in your mind. The only age you can’t change of course is your physical “real-life” age. The rest of your ages you have the power to change in your own mind.
So I’ll explain. Many of us fall into the trap of saying, “I should be further along professionally than I am.”… or “I should be further along in my love life than I am”… or “I should be further along financially than I am.” There are a myriad of sides of you that can have ages that are not the same.
My example when I talked briefly to a life coach for like five minutes… Her name was Hojeong… I don’t know her last name… I told her that I was not as far along financially as I should be. (And for your reference, “should” is kind of a dirty word in the coaching world…) She said to me “Why is there a rule that you should be at a certain status financially at your age, and who determines what that status should be?” Life coaches often just throw questions back at you and then you kind of talk yourself into your own conclusions. Which is what happened that day.
So after Hojeong’s simple question, I thought… “Wow, you’re right!” She didn’t even say it directly out of her own mouth, but with her help, I interpreted what she said as… “Just because I am 48 years old [which I was at the time] doesn’t mean that I have to be 48 years old financially!” I can consider myself to be say… 32 years old financially due to choices I’ve made or due to certain things that have happened to me, or certain personality traits I may have. I thought to myself that my shyness, my low self-esteem had really held me back and hindered me from making certain advances in my career that could have led to me increasing my salary over the years. Maybe my low self-esteem caused me to make up for what was missing in my life by spending too frivolously when I should have been saving more.
For decades, in our society, there have been certain scholarships or programs for youth that come from an economically disadvantaged background, or someone who serves for years in a lower-paying profession such as teaching may be given forgiveness for their student loans! And more recently, there are neurodiversity hiring programs at many corporations that give people certain allowances for their situation. But no one gives allowances or special consideration for people who suffer from shyness or social anxiety. So in that situation or many other situations, you might have to give yourself an allowance or forgiveness! And based on my short mindset coaching session, I decided to give myself that kind of forgiveness!
My “condition” of shyness and social anxiety had slowed my progress in my professional and financial life. So financially my age was delayed or regressed. And it’s ok to accept that about myself! It provides a reason to forgive myself for having that delay. And once I forgive myself, I can then work diligently to figure how to catch up to where I need to be financially. The previous mindset held me back because I continued to beat myself up for not being where I should have been. The new mindset – changing my financial age – allowed me to move on and work harder to improve myself.
And there may be many ways that many of you out there could be delayed in life.
You may be delayed in finding a life partner or spouse to spend your life with, because maybe you had an emotionally abusive parent or prior boyfriend or girlfriend who brought down your self-esteem and you are just now recovering your self-esteem and realizing that you are truly loveable and dateable. So you may say “I’m actually 42, but in terms of dating, I’m only 31!” You can forgive yourself for allowing circumstances or things that have happened to you to hold me back.
Of course, you will still be confronted by your actual physical age because say you’re looking to start a family, you may have to accept your real age on some level. But if that’s not important to you, then you can just say it’s okay, in my dating life I’m 29 or so. Also, there may be some people who simply aren’t interested in a middle-aged person. But of course, just because you think that you’re 29 in your mind doesn’t mean that you have to date a real 29 year old. You can date someone who is still appropriate to your age, but just don’t let your own physical age deter you from having the kind of relationship or the kind of fun that a 29 year old has, if that’s what you want. As long as the other person is aware of your mindset of course. And that doesn’t mean literally telling them that you think you’re 29 because they might think you’re crazy… but you would just tell them what you’re looking for in a dating partner and the kind of relationship you’re willing to have.
As I mentioned before, in your professional life, shyness and self-esteem may hold you back, like it did in my case. Or maybe an illness held you back from building your career. Maybe discrimination of some type held you back. So you may need to regain those years and effectively live your life and your career as if you’re younger. It’s kind of like living in The Matrix. Your life experience can be all in your mind and whatever you perceive it to be. And that perception slowly becomes your new reality. And again, there are some ways that you will have to confront the reality of your real physical age. If your career involves athletics, well maybe there are restrictions on how much you can pretend that you’re younger. But there are still ways that you can parlay that athleticism into something successful, even at an older age. But you have to work hard to figure out what your path going forward is.
If you are 42 years old now, and you missed your shot at being a pro basketball player, you probably can’t say just you’re 25 years old athletically, and hope to become a pro basketball player. But if you want to be a famous professional actor at 42 years old, maybe you can. There are many actors who hit their stride later in life. Such as Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, Melissa McCarthy, Kathy Bates, Viola Davis, Bryan Cranston, Ken Jeong, Steve Carell, and the list goes on. They could have said there’s no need to keep auditioning for big roles because I’m getting too old, but they didn’t, and now they have spectacular careers!
The key now is to spend all your time obsessively figuring out how the heck you’re going to get your “delayed age” to match your real age!… if that is indeed what you desire to do. You’re going to have to put in the hard work to get yourself to where you want to be. Do all the introspection and research and effort that it takes to get you there.
I found a great quote from Daniel Chidiac, in his book “Who Says You Can’t, You Do”. He says:
“Coming to realizations about where you are in life due to past events, decisions you are making now, and how it can affect what you create next, is the greatest knowledge you can obtain.” – Daniel Chidiac
Amazing words, Daniel. Many options can open up to you when you change your age in your mind, which is simply a metaphor for reframing your thinking and forgiving yourself for the things that you allowed to hold you back and moving on with a powerful youthful mindset that will allow you to accomplish your dreams.
And I can bring this back to myself by announcing that I will be starting a new job next week as an Analytics Engineer. This came about by seeking the answers, changing my mindset, and forgiving myself. This all happened because I chose to participate in a coaching program to look for a new and better job. (Or maybe the Universe led me participate in that coaching program.) This program is honestly how I came to really learn what life coaching or mindset coaching really was. One of my first hang-ups when I joined this program was wondering “Am I too old now to get back into the analytics and data science field that I really want to be in?” I interviewed for five or six jobs, but I didn’t really believe in myself and my ability to get those jobs. I believed that I was too old now to start over and that my skills that I learned were out of date and no one was gonna hire me.
Then at the end of last year, two things happened. The perfect role landed in my lap and I was asked to interview for it. It involved doing exactly what I wanted to do and even offered all the benefits that I specifically wanted. But I didn’t realize it at first. And then something clicked in my brain. I looked again at the job description, and I realized that this job was absolutely mind-blowingly perfect for me. And at that moment, I decided to really go for it. I decided that I was not too old to be valuable to a new organization. In my mind I’m still a 30-something year old data engineer! I said to myself that regardless of me being 49 years old in the real world… regardless of how long I’ve been out of the field, I am good enough, I am smart enough, I am competent enough. What’s more, I am confident enough, brave enough, and most importantly DYNAMIC enough to take a chance and leave my stable job, and start over at a new company! I was reverting my professional age back to 35 years old and I decided to go into the interview confidently, and if I got the job, I would learn and grow to be at the top of my professional game, and maybe even go into management! I forgave myself for being too shy to speak confidently during interviews in the past and I forgave myself for leaving my data science career in 2016 and pursuing something that didn’t pan out. I decided to start over, and regain those lost years!
But first I had to get the job. I had to do well in the series of interviews. I prepared myself to speak confidently about my past experience and my knowledge. And when I didn’t say everything perfectly during the interview, I just let my new dynamic personality shine! And of course, as you already know… I got the job! <applause> Thank you.
After the first interview, with the hiring manager, he literally said he liked my personality! That’s not something I expected to hear. The panel who interviewed me next said that although it had been a while since I’d used some of the key skills, they felt I’d be able to quickly get up to speed. So I translate as that they thought of me as YOUNG and dynamic and capable of succeeding! Exactly!
That’s because I changed my professional age in my own mind. The mind is a powerful thing that we often don’t use to its capacity because we don’t realize all of your options. Most people would never realize that they can create a new age for themselves in their minds. And then that will allow them to open their minds and open their horizons to opportunities and abilities that they had not believed that they could achieve before, because their real physical age held them back psychologically and emotionally.
So how can you allow yourself to be years younger in a certain aspect of your life? And then how can you catch up to where you quote-unquote “should” be in that area of your life? You will definitely need to hustle and work at double (or triple) speed, but you can do it when you forgive yourself, change your mindset, and really go for it!
And because you’re working at lightning speed, your success will arrive before you know it!
So that’s what I have today on this topic of reversing your age or reverting or regressing your age. And this week’s episode is dedicated to the city of Dallas. What does Dallas have to do with changing your own age? Absolutely nothing, that I know of anyway. But I enjoyed Dallas the last time I went there. There is lots to see and do there… especially when you combine it with the whole Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex! I was probably in my thirties when I was there last, so in an homage to this episode, I will make it a commitment that when I go there again, I will relive it as if I’m in my thirties again.
And on that note, this concludes the Dallas episode. If you have enjoyed this episode, and if you’ve gotten something valuable or useful out of this episode, then please give me five stars and write a review. Also please pass this podcast along to your friends or family or anyone you know that could benefit from it as well!
If you like, please contact me at one of the contact options listed in my podcast description such as Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter … or visit my cool website! Even if it’s just to say hi or to leave a comment!
As always, remember to show up and DELIVER for yourself today and create a NEW dynamic version of yourself.
Thanks so much for listening.
Episode 8, the Dallas episode, is now done!