Hey there Listeners! Well, I’m back after a short three-month hiatus. So I’d like to welcome you, and myself, back to the Shy to Dynamic podcast and also Welcome you to my Season 2! I’m proud to be at Episode 11 of this podcast. Thank you so much to my loyal listeners who want to hear about my journey and to learn how my experiences can benefit you in your own personal journey to becoming dynamic and feeling more important. And feel free to let me know about your own personal journeys as well! I’d love to get some quotes or testimonies from many of you out there.
Like I said before I left, I did get a new job as an Analytics Engineer, and I needed some time to focus exclusively on that and learn how to do that job well… because of course I’ve still got to pay the bills. Last week at work, I received an unexpected shout-out from my boss, so things have been going pretty well thus far!
But over this hiatus, I wanted to kind of give myself time to ponder a little bit about what direction I wanted to go in when I returned to the microphone. What I needed to change and what I needed to keep the same. As with so many things in life, it’s important to step away and take a little sabbatical from time to time. It’s important to think about your mission so that when you come back, you’re ready to take charge. And I think part of my mission is to make everyone believe in their own importance. To inspire people to vigorously believe in themselves and advocate for themselves… because we all matter.
But to backtrack a little bit… Since this podcast’s initial nominal focus was about becoming more dynamic… let’s talk about: What have I done to be dynamic during my time away?
Well, I have tried to be more assertive and talkative at my new job, at least in comparison to prior jobs. I am trying to speak up more, and speak up for myself. On one particular day, I spoke up at an HR session at work. I think the question that was asked was what did I learn during that particular HR training session. For some reason, I was inspired to say that I had learned that I can speak up and not be shy. I immediately thought… and I even said it out loud somewhat apologetically... that I wasn’t sure that what I had just said was relevant… and the moderator graciously assured me that “no, it’s perfectly fine that you said that… because all growth is important”…. You know, she was exactly right… And I was grateful to her for her reassurance.
And then I thought to myself that of course it was important for me to say what I said because maybe someone heard it and maybe it resonated with them. And even if it resonated with no one, it was still fine…. because I am important and my words are important. My importance isn’t dependent upon how much a particular audience appreciates me or my words. I have worth and importance inherently… I was born with importance. As we all are.
Janet Jackson has a song called Special on her Velvet Rope album. In it she says:
“We must learn we're all born, With specialness inside of us, I have the need to feel real special too.”
End quote. You could easily tweak that a little bit to say:
“We must learn we're all born with importance inside of us, I have the need to feel really important too.”
As I’ve gotten over my shyness, I have become so much more confident in speaking up and expressing myself. Now I acknowledge that there are many people who are much more confident expressing themselves. I will probably never be completely confident, but it’s my ongoing self-mission to try to be. I observe other people who speak their minds all the time, and they are kind of my role models and heroes. I aim to be more like them to some extent.
Another major dynamic thing that I did was I decided to drive over 500 miles to go see the total eclipse in Indianapolis! I made a firm decision to do it about three weeks before the eclipse, and I made that goal happen! And by the way, I’ll be talking about my insights from the eclipse in a future episode.
Another way I have also shown dynamism is by speaking up for my own health. I’ve had some lower back pain ever since the beginning of last year – well before I started this podcast – and I have been determined to heal myself and I have worked with various medical professionals to cure the problem. Nothing out of the ordinary, just traditional Western medicine. I’m so determined because it is much more difficult to be dynamic while being in pain constantly! Definitely not impossible, but much more challenging. And by the way, my hat’s off to those of you who persevere thru pain and are still remarkably dynamic!
In my case, I guess perseverance breeds success because my lower back pain is almost all the way gone. So kudos to me for not giving up. And if it comes back, I’ll be ready to fight it again! < punch sound >
Speaking of taking care of your body, the other day, I listened to Case Kenny’s podcast which is called “New Mindset, Who Dis?”. I highly recommend this podcast. He says a lot of brilliant and inspirational stuff. He rarely has guests on his show, but on that particular episode he had on Matthew Hussey. And by the way, I have listened to Matthew’s podcast in the past as well. Both guys have great powerful podcasts. But Matthew said on this podcast episode, and I’m truncating this quote a little bit for conciseness, but he said:
“You’ve got one job… Take care of this [one] human. That’s it. It’s your only job, just take care of this one human [being]…. and give them the best life possible.” – Matthew Hussey on the “New Mindset, Who Dis?” podcast
End quote. That quote is a little out of context here, so what he is brilliantly stating is that the one human being we have to take care of is, of course, ourselves. And that is our one responsibility.
His point is a little too narrowed down, intentionally I think, because obviously there are other humans we have to take care of or at least help take care of like your children or aging parents… but I was struck by the brilliant point he was making. We have to treat ourselves and our own bodies with respect and value and love and importance! We have to advocate for ourselves before we can advocate for others. We have to focus on keeping our emotions and our bodies in top-notch shape. I don’t mean having sculpted athletic bodies… I mean just taking care of ourselves and going to the doctor to remedy any problems when you notice them and to head off any future problems. Making sure our bodies and minds are safe and healthy is one of the most important parts of being dynamic. It allows you to be able to move around and go to lots of places, and to be able to be seen everywhere. Taking care of your whole self is mad important.
Next, I feel that I have been more dynamic by accepting myself a lot more in the last few months too. That means accepting my own flaws and limitations that I can’t do anything about. But also, it means recognizing my own positive traits, my own exceptional abilities, and my own power! And even my own beauty. Self-acceptance is so important. Self-appreciation is absolutely essential.
As far as some of my important dynamic activities, I also hosted another meetup event for the first time since last year, and that was another smashing success. I hosted it at a local restaurant/ market, and then went to a bar afterwards. Friends came out to support me, and I met new people too. I was able to lead the event and then later another event merged with mine, and I remained in control!
I find that I am continuing to meet new people… and new friends! Recently, I was able to expand my main friend group with three new people! Overall, I am busy doing stuff and meeting up with people every weekend, all weekend, and often during the week! In fact, I’m about to meet up with about 5 or 6 of my friends right now for dinner! This is again something I never imagined for my life, but I always wanted it! And now I have it! What a fantastic turn of events in my life!
I have realized that I am important and that people want me around! A friend told me that “Everyone loves Maxx”! I’m sure that was a little bit of hyperbole on her part, but nonetheless, that comment touched my heart and let me know that I have achieved some success in improving my social life and personal life! And that I am important to people.
Speaking of this, I recently had a recent conversation with my friend, Julia. She was telling me some plans she had made that regretfully I admitted I didn’t remember, and frustratedly, she said “I have told you about this before. You don’t remember anything I tell you.” We continued talking and I basically admitted in so many words that “I guess I honestly didn’t really think it mattered if I remembered those things.” She replied “Well, duh… Of course it matters. You’re a friend of mine and I wouldn’t tell you these things if it didn’t matter if you remembered.”
It was kind of like a lightbulb went off. What I do and what I say actually matters. Even what I remember about people actually matters… Which seems like a simple concept. But it’s one of those simple concepts that you don’t even realize that you didn’t know… until you find out. F around and find out, as they say.
I realized that up till recently I’ve been so shy and desperate for friends that I was focused on trying to get them to think that I was important and that what I said was important. Now I realized I was on the other side now, and that my focus should equally also go in the other direction. My friends also want to feel important and they want me to show them that they are important.
Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a complete asshole. I didn’t consciously think that I didn’t have to try to remember what friends tell me. It was more of a subconscious thing. I just internally didn’t think my opinion or feedback mattered that much to them. I was too busy trying to impress them and beg them to remain interested in my friendship that I didn’t consider that they might be trying to impress me and keep me interested in their friendship! That’s a gamechanger, right?! Well it was for me.
To some extent, we become important when we begin to think of ourselves as important. Which occurs when we begin to learn that we are important. We begin to think of our actions, or lack of actions, as important. When we begin to think our mere presence is important. How we conduct ourselves is important.
And here is where the lesson begins…
I have begun to think of ways to reinforce my own importance. Even in some ways that may seem a little silly. But it just reinforces the concept of my own importance and it puts it out into the Universe that I am important.
I’m in one particular group text chat with about seven people. And from time to time, one person will suggest an outing of some sort in this wonderfully exciting city of Charlotte, In the past I would perhaps not respond if I couldn’t go or if I wasn’t interested in going. Then I decided that I’m like really important! I decided I will always respond and say either yea or nay… because it matters whether I can attend or not… I’m an important member of the friend group!
Just such a small, maybe seemingly irrelevant thing like that can boost your own feeling that you’re important to the world.
Earlier in this episode, I said I spoke up at work in an HR session and I felt right after I said what I said that it was probably not even relevant. But I tried to always remember that everything I say is important. Just because I choose to believe that! Now that doesn’t mean you should intentionally go out of your way to say every random thought that comes into your mind… I’m definitely not saying that every thought you have is important! You still have to try not to hurt people… or even be too damn annoying or offensive… You still have to put it thru a mental filter first… but once you do that, much of what you choose to say can be considered important.
In your own world, keep finding ways to do little things to do to reinforce your own importance. Create a list of ways to show yourself that you are indeed important. Don’t let people treat you inconsiderately. Do things for yourself. Take your important self to dinner or on a short vacation. If you can afford it, get yourself some new shoes every month because you can tell yourself that it’s important that your feet look fancy to the world. Take a class in something you’re interested in because yes, you are already important in the field or hobby that you are trying to learn about, or you will be.
Another way I decided to reinforce my own importance is by my outward appearance. There have been plenty of times that I won’t check my face to see if I’ve shaved or I will not shave my head and just simply put on a hat. I also rationalize by saying I’m not planning to meet anyone today anyway, so it really doesn’t matter if I shave. But I decided to make a change with that too. I have decided to realize that how I look… my good-lookingness, and even my sexiness, are all very important to the world!
I have now committed to shaving or trimming my hair every other day and always checking my face every morning to make sure my face is shaved and smooth and clean and fresh. And the more I think that how I physically show up in the world is important, the more I will see myself as important! And it’s not just about what other people see. It’s what I think about myself too. I have to impress myself too. I’m not even gonna show up around myself looking a mess, because I’m just that important… even when I’m alone… to myself!
Even though some people don’t like to admit it, we all like it when people are impressed by us. With many people it may not be about looks. But we may want to impress others with our humor or our kindness, or professionalism, or wealth, or whatever it may be. So whatever it is… think of impressing others and yourself as something important to do. And believe that you are important and that it is important how you present yourself to the world. Don’t walk around thinking “Oh it doesn’t matter what I do. No one cares anyway.” The more you think that, the more you will relegate your own life to inferior status. The more you start behaving as if you are important to everyone, the more it will begin to become true. When you feel that what you do matters, people begin to inexplicably sense that for some reason… this person is important! I have seen it happen over and over in my own life. It’s like magic… slow magic, but magic nonetheless.
And there is something very important that I want to convey here.
Remember that what you see as important can become exactly what makes you important. – Maxx Mitchell
If you believe that leadership and influence make a person important, then figure out what type of things you want to lead in. Look at what you are skilled at and look at ways to lead in it.
If you believe that activism and advocacy are important, then join a political campaign or volunteer. You don’t even have to be on the front lines, you can just help behind the scenes. I have a friend, Dan who is a leader in the Human Rights Campaign, which of course is a gay rights organization. Those issues are important to him. And he has made himself an advocate and leader in that area. I admire him for that!
If you believe that accomplishments make you important, then keep aiming for the highest levels of everything you do. Get training or coaching in that area to become an expert or to become very accomplished in that area. Start looking for those opportunities. Ask people to help you find these opportunities.
If physical fitness or attractiveness are important to you, try to become an example of that. Learn about fitness and skincare or whatever, so that you represent that to others. I have a distant cousin who loves fitness. She is sixty years old, maybe older now, and she is forever posting pics of herself on Facebook, in athletic gear at the gym, looking all toned as can be. Fitness and looking in shape are important to her, so she reflects that in her life and she looks like an expert at that!
My sister believes that black representation in the great outdoors is important. Right now, she is creating a book of curated photos that feature black people enjoying the outdoors and nature. The book is called Black Life Outdoors and will be out by the end of the month or early July. I’m excited about the debut of her new photo book, and I put the link in my show notes for you. So because that is important to her, she is becoming an important expert and leader on that topic!
If integrity makes a person important to you, then make sure you are showing integrity in all of your actions. And even look for ways to show the younger generation how to display integrity.
If you believe family and legacy are important, then make sure you are meaningful in your children’s or nephews’ or nieces’ lives, so they will always remember you and what you taught them. Invest time in kids so they will know that they are important, and so also hopefully they will invest time in you later. It’s important that you be well loved and well taken care of into your old age because you are important.
And for goodness sake, when you do start to do these things, talk about them! Post on social media. Not to brag, but just to let people know. Unless of course, part of your integrity is not to promote yourself at all. But you won’t be seen as important unless you tell people about what you’re doing. Being proud of your activities and accomplishments is not arrogant… or rather, it doesn’t have to be arrogant… it’s just letting your light shine. It’s just inspiring people, and people need inspiration. It’s just what you deserve because you are important in this world. When my cousin that I mentioned before posts her pictures at the gym, I would sometimes get a little tired of seeing them… but I didn’t see it as bragging… I saw it as being an inspiration to others. And what’s more, she is inspiring to other women who are in their fifties and sixties who might believe that there’s no need to work out at this point in their lives. I know that for a fact. I have a female friend whom I’ve shared my cousin’s Facebook pics with, and my friend has said that by the time she turns 60, that that’s what she is gonna look like!
As for me, trust me, when I hang out with my nephew and build those memories with him… or with any family member or friends, I post it because I’m proud of it… and I see my life and experiences as important. I see my presence in his life and their lives as important. I started a little tradition with my mom to explore some of the suburban towns around Raleigh when I visit her there. That probably wouldn’t occur if I didn’t exist, and that makes me important! I post those pics too!
When I go on trips and see places, I post that because I’ve enjoyed those experiences and I want others to enjoy them as well. When I post pictures of places I’ve been, I often get feedback of “Thanks for sharing these beautiful pictures.” Or when I post pictures showing off my social life, I’ll get responses saying “You are really living life to the fullest!” Even if it’s just as simple as sharing beauty or showing people places they’ve never seen, it’s important and my desire to explore new places is important to the world! Also, I post pics when I hang out with friends because I want to show that if a formerly shy, timid person can arrive at the social life I’ve always wanted, then any of you all can do it too!
I saw a quote from a writer on Medium.com. His name is Moreno Zugaro. He said:
You have to advertise yourself. If people can’t see you’re a man of value, they won’t give you a chance to prove it. – Moreno Zugaro 6/5/23
End quote. Of course that applies to women too.
Here’s something else to think about.
Sometimes you may want to give some importance to things that are not even directly important to you.
I went to a meetup event recently and I ended up talking with someone that I had spoken to several times before. He is a gentleman about my age. When I saw him again this time, I noticed that he stiiiill has braces. He’s had them ever since I first met him at meetup which was probably a year and a half ago. His mouth is full of metal. It’s kind of cute.
I was curious and I asked him what had influenced him to get braces at this stage of his life. He admitted to me that he didn’t really care much about the layout of his teeth, but he heard several times over the years that people were a little put off about his teeth. He said something to the effect that there were clients or potential business partners that were less likely to work with him because of his teeth. He said that the major issue was that one tooth was positioned a little higher than the others, so unless he smiled really widely, it looked as if a tooth was missing. That made sense because people can deal with crooked teeth, but when it comes to missing teeth, that is often a dealbreaker. Now I’m kind of wondering did people tell him this literally, or if he figured it out indirectly somehow… I wish I remembered what he said about that! But in a nutshell, because of this feedback he got about his teeth, he decided it was best to go ahead and get his chompers straightened out once and for all.
I thought this was a very powerful statement and it really made me think. He was basically saying that although he wasn’t personally concerned about his teeth, he recognized the importance that his dental appearance meant to others. He recognized that to some people, when he showed up with bad teeth, that he was basically telling the world that he didn’t think his physical appearance really mattered.
I know some might say that he should have said “Screw those people!” who were bothered by his teeth because they are shallow and superficial, and that’s understandable if you feel that way. But this gentleman’s choice to get braces was his recognition that his ability to increase his financial prosperity by getting more clients and live a more financially comfortable life was important to him! And that HE was important enough to deserve better financial opportunities for himself and his children. He realized that he had to take good care of himself and his children because he and they are all important! So ultimately investing in improving his teeth, which he didn’t personally care about, was worth the time and expense if it would lead to him having the opportunity to gain more wealth and take better care of the important humans that he is in charge of… himself and his children!
Of course the principle of treating yourself as important extends to so many other areas. You may be more concerned about how you present yourself to the world energetically rather than physically. That was my issue a few years ago. I knew I was shy and I knew that was a problem for me in terms of how well I could flourish in my life. I knew I wanted to be more confident, and social, and dynamic. I knew deep inside that I was important… even though I didn’t feel too confident about that at the time. So I set it as my goal and I invested in books and research to figure out how to improve my life because I know I was important enough to be more important!
So think about what’s important to you and what you have to share with the world, and how you can make that make you important! Whether it’s thru Instagram or Facebook posts, whether it’s thru youtube videos, or even in a podcast like the way I have chosen to do, or writing a book, or teaching a class! In what ways can you show that your knowledge or skills or life experiences are important. Even if just a few people think that what you’re sharing is important, at first it’s all about showing yourself that you’re important and the rest will build from there.
When you are looking to find a relationship, set standards for what you want. Because who you end up dating and possibly spending your life with is important. Finding the right person to co-parent your children matters.
I was having a conversation recently with two female friends and one of them was talking about dating and how both people in a relationship have to have their needs met and she said “I’m important. And I matter.” A few minutes later she added “We’re all important in our own right.” I found it amazing that she said those exact words after I had already decided the “We are all important” and “We all matter” would be two main key mantras of this very episode that I was already writing. There goes that synchronicity again that happens so often in life.
But it reminded me that I needed to include that in this episode too. Recently I thought about getting into a dating situation with someone who flirts with me a lot. But then I thought of all the ways that he and I are not at all compatible. I realized I was considering something that wouldn’t be a good fit just so that I could have someone new in my life. But I decided that who I involve myself with is actually really important. I need to forgo something temporary and subpar to leave myself open for something long-term and more in alignment with my desires and values. Which is really tough to do! It’s really tough to give up something in advance with the hope that you’ll find something better. But it’s worth it because it's important and I’m important.
And because everything I do is important, And I’m going to start viewing this podcast as super important. Not just a hobby I want to do to fill up my solo time… but something that’s actually truly meaningful. I’m going to view my words as important. I’m going to even get better at promoting this podcast because it is important. Because it will help at least a few people and inspire a few people, and then more people. If I start seeing this endeavor as important, I will invest more time and effort into it… because I know that it is meaningful. I know that it has purpose. If I navigate it with a sense of importance, it will have importance. The energy I direct into it will cause others to feel that energy and they will see it as important!
And with that, this concludes this episode about you guessed it… importance! I have dedicated this episode to Philadelphia, which is definitely an important city in the history of this great nation. Philadelphia is often referred to as the "Birthplace of America." It was a central location during the American Revolution. The Declaration of Independence was adopted there on July 4, 1776. The U.S. Constitution was drafted during the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia in 1787, which laid the foundation for what America is today. Additionally, as we all know, Philadelphia is important in American culture… Liberty Bell, Philly steaks, Motown Philly, and all that.
So… if you have enjoyed this episode, and you’ve gotten something useful out of this episode, then please give me five stars and write a review. These ratings and reviews are really important, y’all. It will allow my podcast to grow and blossom, and hopefully the sky’s the limit! And my self-assigned job is to inspire you to do the same. Also please pass this podcast along to your friends or family or anyone you know that could benefit from the words I’m speaking as well! And please contact me and let me know your important viewpoints and all your successes!
Thank you AGAIN for listening and participating in this endeavor, my endeavor, our endeavor.
As always, remember to show up and DELIVER for yourself today and everyday, and create a NEW important and dynamic version of yourself!
Episode 11, the Philadelphia episode, is now DONE!
And P.S., remember you are smart, you are kind, you are <punch sound>. Yeah, I didn’t want to say that word yet another time. I said it exactly 100 times during this episode! Exactly 100 times and I didn’t even plan that! There goes one of those amazing life alignments and coincidences again. I’ll talk about that subject on a future episode. Bye!