EP1 Mini Series: Why Do You Keep Second Guessing Yourself?
Feb 16, 2024Season 1Episode 8
Today marks the beginning of our Mini Series Episodes inside The Dive Podcast. In this brand new series, Taylor Scanlan will be sharing his own personal insights, stories, and tips on helping you become the performer you are destined to be every Friday!
Today we discuss why we second-guess ourselves! Through self-awareness, embracing imperfection, practicing mindfulness, and setting realistic expectations Taylor shows you how to start trusting what you have to offer as an artist with confidence.
For more information, head to our BLOG post on this exact topic!
Today marks the beginning of our Mini Series Episodes inside The Dive Podcast. In this brand new series, Taylor Scanlan will be sharing his own personal insights, stories, and tips on helping you become the performer you are destined to be every Friday!
Today we discuss why we second-guess ourselves! Through self-awareness, embracing imperfection, practicing mindfulness, and setting realistic expectations Taylor shows you how to start trusting what you have to offer as an artist with confidence.
For more information, head to our BLOG post on this exact topic!
Today I'm going to give you three or four tips on how to not necessarily stop second guessing yourself, but how to coexist with this second guessing, and how to make sure that you're in the driver's seat instead of letting your mental or negative habits within the mental game stop you or deter you from taking that next step forward. Because, like I mentioned before, when we're younger and we're looking for that reassurance, a lot of the time it's new, it's fresh, we're not sure. And if we don't have those teachers and people around us to go yes or no, we have to then look within ourselves to go, oh, is this good, is this right? And a lot of it comes from expecting we want others to like what we're doing. So we think, oh, they're not going to like that or that wasn't good, like this person. Comparison comes into the mix when we're thinking about second guessing where it is, when we're just authentically creating from the heart and from the soul and there's no comparing around. You can see how easily it is to stop second guessing yourself as well when I was creating the dive.
Speaker 1:
Each week, if you don't know already, we have a blog post that gets posted. I write up the blog post to do with key problems that are happening right now in the industry. I actually surveyed a whole bunch of people in the industry students and full timers and professionals that are being in the industry for ages to learn and discover about what your problems are, what you're going through as a performer and specifically. I've grabbed and hugged in all of your beautiful questions and answers that were answered authentically and created a blog that is posted. A new blog is posted every single week talking about the topics and the problems that you're actually going through. So today, all about second guessing yourself. I'm going to read a little bit from the blog and give you a few of the key tips four of the key tips out of six and then, if you found any insights or aha moments, I will leave a link in this and you can go and check out the written blog with the other tips to help you stop second guessing yourself.
Speaker 1:
So why do we keep second guessing ourselves, even when we've prepared diligently or made decisions based on careful consideration? You know when you're just stuck for words, you've rehearsed this routine or you've done this, but so many times and then all of a sudden, you get to performing it and you're second guessing yourself. Why does that happen? We just know that for performers it's particularly intense because, whether it's an additional life performance, you've got to remember us as performers. We're very. If you go back and back into the olden times, we weren't performing at eight shows a week or being put on a platform for everyone to see us every other day, sometimes every single day. So know that in our innate body, to be anxious to be put into this highlighted platform, if you want to say, is not normal in quotations, it's something that's becoming normal because you're training and that's what you're learning to do. But know that within our bodies, anatomically and where we come from, it is a lot more than what we are used to. Things like with life performance or auditions, we get that fear of failure coming in. So, things like will we forget our lines? What about voice cracks? What if the audience doesn't connect with our performance? Always a big one. And these questions are just echoing in our minds. If you're a performer out there, if you know what I'm talking about, when you're about to go and perform and your mind is taking over, and know that this is not just for performers, it is heightened because we're performers.
Speaker 1:
But everyone struggles with self-doubt and in the aftermath of a decision whether it's choosing a career path, what job to do, which way to go in performing arts, ending a relationship, making anything that's significantly bringing change to your life we often find ourselves replaying scenarios over and over again in our heads and we keep thinking to ourselves did we make the right decision and could we have done things differently? Now I believe personally that this can be a good and bad thing when we're asking questions like could we have done things differently? Did we make the right decision? From two ways. So the first way I wanna give you is the potentially negative side. So if you're constantly thinking about going over and over a scenario that's already happened in the past and you're going over and over it and asking yourself did I make the right decision? Could I have done things differently? If you're saying it in a negative context which, as an example, could be you went into an audition, you made a choice and now, after the audition, you're just like going over in your head and you're beating yourself down and you're saying that wasn't great, that was definitely not the right decision, I should have done this, I should have done this, I should have done this. You can see how that is not really a positive way of helping you move forward. It's actually keeping you in that cycle.
Speaker 1:
When we go on the other side of the spectrum, we can ask the same questions but have a different outcome. So how do we do that? If we were going into an audition or a performance or even class and we make a decision, if you're going, just notice if you start to do the talk and the overwhelm of did I make the right decision? Could I have? I should have done this different. I should have done that. Just notice when that comes up and see if you can start to tilt the negative side of the context to something that's more helpful and more forward thinking. As an example, if you're going into an audition and you did something and you can just recognize okay, it's in the past. Now I am just gonna leave it in the past where it is. You can't change it. And now you can give yourself could have I done things differently? Maybe you can reframe it to say what can I do next to improve or make the next audition or the class better? So instead of just putting yourself down and think about all the ways that you will negatively and keep yourself in that circle. Start to shift your mindset towards what can I do now to make sure that the next class? I can improve that 10%, 20%, whatever you want.
Speaker 1:
So know that the root of second guessing ourselves actually lies in a lack of trust, so in ourselves for one, but also in our abilities. So we hesitate because we actually fear the consequences of failure, the judgments of others, like I was saying before, or the unknown outcomes. We become trapped in that cycle that was just talking about, and there's actually a name for this, and it's called analysis paralysis. We get trapped in this analysis paralysis. Where we're if you've ever heard of paralysis is where you can't move your body at all. It's just stopped and none of your muscles can move. So we can actually have this analysis paralysis when we're going over and over on what's happened before and we're unable to move forward confidently because we're just trapped in this cycle. So how do we break free of this cycle and how do we learn to trust ourselves and our instincts even in the face of that uncertainty? How do we do that? Okay, I'm gonna give you four ways. You can do that right now.
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Whenever you're hearing this, you can go straight away and start implementing this to help you out. The first one is if you have a notebook, write it down. Stop what you're doing. Maybe don't write if you're in a car. Mental note cultivate self-awareness. Now, a few of these you might hear. And if you're eye rolling and you're still having the same things happen, be aware of the eye. Roll and notice are you actually implementing any of these? Because if we're eye rolling and we're not like, oh, cultivate self-awareness. If you're actually doing it, you will understand. So if you hear any of these four practices and you're just like, oh, that sounds so basic or generic, know that there's power in that.
Speaker 1:
And if you were a person that's actually putting this into practice, you will notice that a lot of the problems and things you're overthinking can be solved so easily if we just take and step away from that trapped cycle of analysis, paralysis. So cultivate self-awareness. The first step towards overcoming self-doubt is understanding the underlying reasons behind it, with awareness and cultivating that self-awareness. When we think of people that are addicted to something or have any sort of problem that they're trying to solve, they say that awareness is key and when you have that awareness you're able to look at things from a little bit more of an outside perspective. You're not trapped in the cycle, and so awareness is definitely key in the first step to overcoming that second guessing yourself.
Speaker 1:
And just think, take time to reflect on your thoughts. Maybe within this next week you can even write to us in our email info at the divecomau or message us on our socials. And just reflect, even over your past week, reflect on your thoughts and emotions that occur. Are these recurring patterns? Are these triggers? Are there triggers within your week that are actually leading you to second guessing yourself? Remember a lot of our habits and the things we're doing each day today are repeatedly habits. We see a certain place and something triggers in our mind. For example, if you see a coffee shop and you've been there before, automatically your mind plays an image of you being there with your friend. So we're constantly surrounded by an environment that is showing us our past events. So it's very easy to get stuck in that cycle of analysis, paralysis and focusing on the past without moving towards forward in the future. So noticing and within this next week I'm really interested to hear from people notice that. What are the patterns? What's recurring, what's coming up when you go to take that, push yourself that little bit more in class or in the rehearsal room or something in an audition room. Notice, when you're about to go to that next place, what self-talk comes in, and notice if it's something that's you're feeling triggered towards something, or if it's a habit or a pattern that we can actually become aware of to move forward. And by recognizing these patterns, you can then begin to address them more efficiently and effectively. So that's number one cultivating self-awareness.
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Number two ready for number two Embrace imperfection. Now, all your perfectionists out there, you're going to be tearing yourselves apart. I am a Virgo and if you're into astrology, virgos are well known for being perfectionists, and I've actually had to unlearn the perfectionist qualities or put the perfectionist category into a hat that actually serves me, instead of being in that cycle of having to be perfect with everything. Honestly, it's exhausting. So if you say, if you're currently a perfectionist, I'm just going to tell you something. It's exhausting. You don't need to be a perfectionist. There's a way to be a perfectionist that is helpful. Just notice that if your perfectionism is harming you or putting you down, and if it isn't anyway, recognize that and let's change it. So, embracing imperfection how do we do that? It can sound easy. It can be a little bit harder to implement, but it's as simple as this.
Speaker 1:
Understand that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process. Understand that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process. If you just came in and were perfect at every single line, every single note that you sang, every dance bit, you did it actually you would look like a robot and it would just be like what that's crazy? And you wouldn't actually be able to relate and be authentic and you wouldn't be able to portray anything authentically. That is you and that's ultimately what we're looking for. And even when you think back when you were a baby, you to make mistakes being a natural part of the learning process. You have to try and walk. How many times did you stand up and fall before you actually started to walk?
Speaker 1:
Sometimes we're going to bring that child, like energy, back to what we're going towards and just go. I've got this in my toolbox. This is where I am today. I'm going to go into the audition and go into the class and present this and maybe you push yourself that little bit more. And if you make a mistake, just know that's a natural part of growth and of learning. So know that the only way to grow is actually through mistakes.
Speaker 1:
So if you're someone that is currently struggling with perfectionism, really I really urge you to try as hard as you can to be kind to yourself and also start to implement ways that you can reflect In a way that is actually positively helping you, instead of fearing the failure and that you're not good enough, because ultimately, perfectionism is just us trying to protect ourselves. We think in our heads that if we do everything right, we do the routines like the choreographer wants, and we do everything by the textbook, we won't be hurt Right or we won't be judged. But ultimately, you're a human. So we need to let go of this. Let's just throw it out of our minds and start to embrace the imperfection. That's number two.
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Number three out of four is Practice mindfulness. Just like I said before, maybe you're eye-rolling and oh, mindfulness, you're kidding me, but ask yourself a question are you practicing mindfulness? And this can be many different things. This is not sitting down in a yogi shala or going to Bali or meditating with monks for hours on end. This is not mindfulness. Could be lovely, but it's not practical for you as a performer.
Speaker 1:
So mindfulness techniques can actually help you, if you've not heard them before, can actually help you quiet the noise and the chatter and the self-doubt in your mind and bring you back to what's really happening in the moment and focus you into that moment. Sounds pretty good, right, and this can come from meditation. This can come from just deep breathing, taking a moment to just step back and go. What am I? What's my breathing like? How am I breathing? Where am I breathing? Generally, if you're breathing into your chest, really short and sharp, you'll increase the anxiety in your body, increase the stress into your body. If you're breathing a little lower and a bit more fuller into the belly, you'll activate the nervous system. That helps you calm down and rest and digest and actually be centered and feel grounded. So just by focusing on your breath is a really cool and key way to actually practice mindfulness.
Speaker 1:
If you haven't, or really new to it, you can also just be simply present with what's around you. I find I've got a really cool practice that I love to teach whenever I'm teaching yoga or even some dance classes, and it's a way to bring you into the center moment. I'll see if I can remember it from the top of my head. But basically you sit down, you have your eyes open and we talk through five of your senses and for each of them we just add, for example, with our eyes as our, what we can see. I want you to notice five things that you can see in your peripherals. It could be the computer, you guys, there's a lamp, it could be a plant, one, two, three, four and my shirt. And you just start by going through these five things in your peripherals that you can see. Then, from there, you would go four things you could hear. This could be near or far, wherever you are. And then you want to go three things that you can touch, you could be touching. I can touch my jacket, I can touch my hands, I can touch my hair. So remember that meditation doesn't always have to be super still and not moving. You can do a bit more of a movement, my meditation as well. So you've got five or three, two, you could taste two things or smell two things in your environment, and then one either smell or taste one thing. And just by going through those lists you're awakening all of your senses and bringing you into the present moment. So you have a little bit more time or something. Maybe that's something that you want to start doing in the morning, just going through your five senses, looking for those different key things, focusing on a few breaths. Honestly, you'll be good to go and notice what happens if you start doing that on a regular basis.
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The fourth and final tip out of six because if you want to get the others, you can head to our blog, which has all of what I'm reading today out. The fourth one for today, to leave it for today is set realistic I put it in quotation marks realistic expectations. So sometimes we overthink and we project exactly what we want, but it's not necessarily what the universe has in store for us, and I'll explain this a little bit. So with unrealistic expectations, we can often set ourselves a stage for disappointment and self-doubt, basically. So what do I mean by that? If you are currently first year in full time or you've just gotten your first job or whatever, let's just make it for you, the performer. If you just start a full time and you have a goal by the end of six months you want to be in a musical you can already see how potentially I don't want to say unrealistic, because it happens for everyone and everyone's going to be different.
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I don't want to say that's not possible, but it's about setting goals in a way that are going to propel you and support you, instead of building something so high without the proper training or without the steps to get there. But it's also just giving yourself a way of, instead of striving for perfection, like we were looking about before, to focusing on progress. So it's not about perfection, it's about progress, and that was a massive shift of what I went through personally, being a performer, I always wanted to be perfect. I wanted to get the best routine, I wanted to make it the best I possibly could, but what actually happened is I got really exhausted and I got really tired from trying to be perfect all the time. It's so exhausting, trust me, and it actually just, yeah, didn't end up serving me in the ways that I thought it was going to serve me, and so I started to focus more on progress, and when you start to lean towards progress instead of perfection, you can actually propel faster, and I saw in my career it actually started to go much faster because I wasn't focusing on being the best singer or the best dancer or the best performer. I was focusing on progress, my own progress.
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With this progress we can improve ourselves incrementally, incrementally. Don't know if that's what it is today. By increments we can improve and we can reflect and be our best cheerleader and celebrate our achievements, no matter how small. Something I got told when I was a bit younger was to celebrate the small stuff. Notice that if you have never done mindfulness, for an example, and today or after this you go and do a one-minute breathing practice, you've got to celebrate that. And I'm not saying go out and then get smashed or buy a yacht or whatever like super crazy. You just want to give yourself whatever brings you that. Oh you know what. Well done, like. I actually didn't do that before and now I am. This is good Progress. Remember. All these small actions actually create the big goal that you're looking for. So that is the four steps out of six. So today we've learned how to cultivate self-awareness, how to embrace imperfection, how to practice mindfulness and what that can mean, and how to set realistic expectations.
Speaker 1:
I hope you've enjoyed today's live. I have really gotten more out of it as well. Every time I'm learning more things about myself and progressing, as we've just been talking about. If you have liked today's live. Please give us a comment, a message me on through the dive if you have any questions about your performing career mentally, physically, emotionally. Share your wins, share your lows and let's come together as a community. If you want to check out a few more steps that you can take two other bonuses of what you can do to stop second-guessing yourself you can just head to our website, click on blog and scroll down to the blog that says why do you keep second-guessing yourself, and you can read what we spoke about today in more depth, as well as gain access to other free resources on our website and links to our podcast and all of the other goodness. I hope to see you soon.
