Own the Outcome with Tyler Deveraux
Unlocking High Performance and Growth with Alan Stein Jr. | Ep. 21
Unlock the secrets of high performance and personal growth with Alan Stein Jr., a celebrated performance coach and keynote speaker. From his early days as a basketball enthusiast to training elite athletes, Alan shares his transformative journey, offering unique insights into the world of sports and leadership. Learn how Alan’s experiences with future NBA stars like Kevin Durant and personal observations of legends such as Kobe Bryant and LeBron James have shaped his understanding of mentorship, discipline, and excellence.
Connect with Alan Stein Jr.
Follow Alan on Instagram
Get Alan's Book: Raise Your Game
Thank you for listening to today's episode. If this podcast has brought a smile to your face or sparked some new ideas, I'd love to hear from you! Leaving a review would mean the world to me. Appreciate you!
Connect with Tyler on Instagram: @tyler_deveraux
Interested in multifamily investing? Attend one of our events!
Unlock the secrets of high performance and personal growth with Alan Stein Jr., a celebrated performance coach and keynote speaker. From his early days as a basketball enthusiast to training elite athletes, Alan shares his transformative journey, offering unique insights into the world of sports and leadership. Learn how Alan’s experiences with future NBA stars like Kevin Durant and personal observations of legends such as Kobe Bryant and LeBron James have shaped his understanding of mentorship, discipline, and excellence.
Connect with Alan Stein Jr.
Follow Alan on Instagram
Get Alan's Book: Raise Your Game
Thank you for listening to today's episode. If this podcast has brought a smile to your face or sparked some new ideas, I'd love to hear from you! Leaving a review would mean the world to me. Appreciate you!
Connect with Tyler on Instagram: @tyler_deveraux
Interested in multifamily investing? Attend one of our events!
All right, aloha and welcome to another episode of Own the Outcome podcast. My name is Tyler Devereaux. I'm here with Alan Stein Jr. Bro, thank you for being here in office with me. For those of you who don't know Alan, well, you're going to get to know Alan right now. We're going to dive into some of the background history and who you are and who you've worked with and what you've done. But uh, it's incredible man. I'm very grateful to have you in office. Thank you for being here. Oh my pleasure.
Alan Stein:man Been a big fan for a while.
Tyler Deveraux:Love the show and excited to uh, so kind. And then like literally, like you've actually listened to the podcast, you, oh yeah, you know, like you're combing through my book out there. It's like you're a humble, good dude man and it just radiates through you and, dude, you've done amazing, like big things. You have every, every reason to just be prideful and arrogant, but you're just not well, I appreciate that very much.
Alan Stein:Well, first and foremost, as I said, I'm a fan, so I believe in doing due diligence, I believe in doing the work before the work, anywhere you're going to go, but I listen to your show because I really enjoy it. We share a mutual friend in Eddie Wilson, so that episode was phenomenal one of my favorites Masterclass on leadership.
Alan Stein:As we said before, we hit record. I've been a huge Harry Mack fan for years and years and he doesn't do very many interviews. So the fact that you had him on your show and you kept asking him question after question of the same things that I wanted to ask him, I mean I was enthralled. And then we also share a mutual friend in Inky Johnson, who I've got that one queued up to listen to on my flight home from Orlando. I haven't listened yet, but I know I'll be in for a real treat.
Tyler Deveraux:Inky is another one of those dudes, that's just I mean. As good as they come, yeah, and.
Alan Stein:I always want to put myself in rooms with people that excite me, that fascinate me, that I'm curious to learn more about, and you're certainly that person for me. So I'm thrilled to be here in this stunning office in Orlando. You've really built something special, so I'm just here to learn more about you. Share anything I can that will add value to your audience. And yeah, and then we'll move the friendship forward from there.
Tyler Deveraux:Stop dude Appreciate that. Let's talk about what you've done, man. So your background Grew up. Tell them where you grew up and then where you grew up, what you studied and then what you went into, and then we'll get into the speaking stuff later.
Alan Stein:Sure. So I grew up in a suburb of Washington DC, about 30 minutes north of Washington DC, and basketball was my first identifiable passion. Like I fell in love with the game at five years old. And here I am knocking on the door at 50 years old and basketball is still a major pillar and passion of my life.
Alan Stein:And I was a pretty good player, pretty good public school player coming up, but was able to play at Elon College it's now Elon University down in North Carolina. So I was able to fulfill a dream of playing collegiate basketball. And while I was at Elon I started to develop an equal love for the training side of the game strength conditioning, plyometrics, lifting weights and decided that when I graduated in the late 90s that nothing could be better than fulfilling a dream of pursuing basketball performance training. And I dove headfirst. I moved back to the DC area and started working with basketball players and I would help them bulletproof their bodies against injury, help them improve their capacity for work, help them run faster and jump higher, and loved every minute of it. And I got some really cool opportunities in that space that I now draw on as a keynote speaker.
Tyler Deveraux:Well, yeah, because tell them, mention a couple of the. Maybe they've heard of a few of the people you've worked with.
Alan Stein:Well, to put into context, there were two different high schools that I had a chance to work with, and both of these were internationally renowned Nike elite programs. The first was Montrose Christian, which most famous alum is Kevin Durant, one of the best players in the last 20 years by far, and then I worked at DeMatha Catholic High School that has produced dozens of players currently in the NBA. So I really cut my teeth on working with middle school and high school age players and that was a passion for me because, in addition to helping them improve their basketball athleticism, I could also serve as a role model, like I could help mentor them off the court, and that was something that was really important to me. But because they were both Nike elite schools, I had an opportunity to work as the performance coach for Nike and for Jordan Brand and did some things for USA Basketball. So I had a chance to work the summer skills academies with guys like Kobe Bryant, lebron James, steve Nash and I mean you want to talk about just an education on leadership, on team building, on mastery of craft, on high performance.
Alan Stein:So those were some very formative years that I got to see. So what makes my journey unique is I got to work with a guy like Kevin Durant when he was 15 years old before he became the Kevin Durant that everybody knows. And I got to work with a guy like Kevin Durant when he was 15 years old before he became the Kevin Durant that everybody knows, and I got to see what it took for him to climb that proverbial mountain and reach the peak of the NBA. But then I also got to be a fly on the wall for guys like LeBron and Kobe and see what it took to stay on top of that mountain and to sustain excellence and high performance for long periods of time. So I've been able to see the before and the after. I use all of those principles in my own life as a father, as a speaker, as a business owner but most importantly that's the message that I share with every group that I speak with is how they can improve individual and organizational excellence and performance.
Tyler Deveraux:Well, and you have two books that talk exactly about that. Yeah, raise your game and sustain your game. Sustain your game, thank you. So let's that yeah, raise your game and and um, sustain your game, sustain your game. Thank you so. So let's talk about raise your game first. Like with kevin, you said what it takes to go from where he's at at 15 to one of the best basketball players in the world for you know a long time. Oh, absolutely, what is that like?
Alan Stein:if you had to summarize that, well for me, what's what's interesting is, even to this day, I don't really identify as an author. I still consider myself a coach who had enough to say that I put it on paper and put it in book form. Those are the best authors, and really I wrote those books because I needed to read them. I find it both liberating and therapeutic to write and research about the very things that I need to improve. So when I was leaving the basketball space and entering the keynote speaking space, the motivational speaking space, I wanted to figure out what do I need to do to climb that mountain to become really good at my craft and offer immense value for everyone I work with. So that was one of the reasons that I dove into that and I just started unpacking all of these lessons and stories that I had been fortunate enough to learn through basketball. And you know, I found there's a handful of traits that that unite all high performers. It doesn't matter if it's in real estate or investing, doesn't matter if it's in any other domain. There's really three that come to top of mind. Now there's probably a dozen, but the three that stick out the most.
Alan Stein:First is and I know this is something that you and I share is a belief in the fundamentals. It's a lesson that I learned directly from Kobe Bryant the first time I ever met him. When I asked him you know why he was the best player on the planet and his answer was because the best never get bored with the basics like he never got bored with doing the fundamentals over and over and working towards mastery of the simple. So the number one thing that unites all high performers is they don't get bored with the basics and they respect the fundamentals the best. Don't get bored with the basics and think how that applies. The best. Don't get bored with the basics and think how that applies to every area of our life. I know for me personally, anytime I'm not performing at a level that I believe I'm capable of, it's because I've unconsciously started to drift away from the basics. I've unconsciously started to try to skip steps, to try to do something a little sexier instead of just drilling down on the basics.
Tyler Deveraux:What are the basics Like? When you say that, I'm curious, what I agree, by the way, I completely agree, which is why I'm grateful that I've I've kind of developed these basics in my life, yeah, and anytime my life feels in disarray, it is something within those basic structures that I have stopped doing or have not done completely over the last 60, 90 days, something like that what are those basics for you? What would you say those are?
Alan Stein:Well, interesting enough, they're going to depend on what it is that you're trying to improve or what area that you're trying to be excellent in, and they can even somewhat vary depending on vocation. But you know one I'll say that probably unites every human being on the planet and certainly would unite anyone that's trying to improve their relationship, whether it's a marriage, whether it's a significant other, even if it's parent, child or teacher coach and that's something I know you do really well it's the ability to listen Like that is a basic, fundamental skill set. If every person on the planet can get better at actively listening, every area of your life will improve. You'll certainly sell. You'll sell more if you learn how to listen, because you know one thing I learned very early is that telling is not selling.
Alan Stein:If you spend your time trying to convince others of your product or service and you're beating them over the head with all the features and benefits, you're not really selling. You're trying to convince them Instead. You need to ask the right questions of the right prospects and they'll convince themselves, and you can only do that by listening. So ask with a genuine intent to learn something, to connect, to engage, and then things will certainly fall into place. So whether you're the manager of a sales team or you're in a struggling marriage, either way, I promise you, if you improve the basic skill set of the ability to listen and being fully present which is not easy to do in today's day and age you'll see everything in your life improve immediately. I agree, man.
Tyler Deveraux:One of my favorite. I dude, I could not agree more with that, one of the things that, well, I'll tell you one of the things that I do, and one thing that I do at home with my, with my family, we play it's called the question game where we try to go, we try to have a conversation with each other by only asking questions, so it's like you're just asking questions, asking questions. It's awesome. When I get in an uber, I will see how many questions I can ask before they ask me one back. Wow, my, my record, bro, is 42 questions.
Alan Stein:Oh my goodness, that is a lot of questions. That must've been a long Uber ride, but, bro, I've learned so much, though, to your point, of course.
Tyler Deveraux:Here's what I've learned more than anything from those experiences is that people are amazing.
Alan Stein:Yes, like people are amazing. Well, something I learned at a very early age and I'm so thankful that I did. You realize, every single person on the planet knows something that I don't, and it's my job to figure it out. And the only way I can do that is by asking questions. I'm talking everyone. How old are your children? Nine and seven. Nine and seven, I promise you. Each of your children knows something about this world that I don't know Now of your children know something about this world that I don't know Now.
Alan Stein:With that being said, I also realize I know things that other people don't know and I believe in paying it forward. You know a quote that I live by is a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. So my job is if I believe I know something that would add value to your life, it's selfish of me not to share that with you. I also believe a compliment unshared is an act of selfishness. If I have something nice to say to you, whether it's I love you, travis Scott Jays, or how beautiful this office is, if I don't actually say that to you, it's an act of selfishness.
Alan Stein:And it's the same thing from a question standpoint. Every person I meet can teach me something and it's my job to be curious and fascinated and humble enough to try to figure that out, and you can only do that by asking questions. And and humble enough to try to figure that out, and you can only do that by asking questions. And I love that questions game and, because I'm somewhat introverted, I'm usually fairly quiet during Uber rides. But I'm going to actually take you up on that. Starting with my Uber ride back to the airport today, I'm going to see how many questions I can get between here and Orlando.
Alan Stein:I sure will, I don't know if I get 42, but we'll see what I can get.
Tyler Deveraux:Bro. I love that, though Every single person what I can get, bro. I love that, though Every single person knows something that I don't know.
Alan Stein:Like, what an amazing way to go into interactions with obviously anybody. Yeah, what keeps you curious? And that's what's fascinating. Like when you look in the world of social media, like there's people that I'm sure we both follow, that we both look up to. They have big shows, big followings, and we just assume they know things that we don't know's why we buy their books and we attend their seminars, and that's true. But do you realize, if you go to one of those seminars, the person sitting to your right and to your left also knows things you don't know. They have life experiences that we don't have. So so lean in with curiosity.
Alan Stein:I think one of the I mean you want to talk about another fundamental or a basic it's staying fascinated. You know, I think that's one of the things that often shuts down dialogue between two people is we make assumptions and we make judgments and in today's political climate that happens all the time, like you say one thing and then I just start making assumptions and judgments that I know everything about you based on your position on one thing. No, lean in with curiosity, with fascination, even if you and I fundamentally disagree on something. I want to know why. Like, I'm curious.
Alan Stein:You're an incredibly intelligent person and I would love to know why you see this so differently than I do. So instead of building a wall and making us adversaries, I want to lean in and go. I would love to learn more about why you feel the way that you feel Now. It doesn't't mean I'll agree with it and that's okay there's nothing wrong with that. But I still want to lean in with genuine curiosity and fascination, and I also think it makes life more exciting. Like, how boring is life if you just think you know everything, which is funny because in my teens and 20s and early 30s I probably thought I did, and now that I'm knocking on the door of 50, I realize how much I don't know.
Tyler Deveraux:But that actually excites me oh, bro, because the more you know, the more you realize you don't know. And then there's this, this learning of, or just this understanding of, like dude, the learning never stops, and so well, unless you stop it right.
Alan Stein:Yeah, the learning should never stop, absolutely so. So I said the first one was an appreciation for the fundamentals. The second is high performers have learned to blend confidence with humility in a very masterful way. Confidence is attractive we can all agree on that and in basketball, confidence is king on the court and confidence is earned in a variety of different ways. I know we share a friend and Ed Milet. I know you've spoken on some stages with Ed, and Ed talks about confidence is keeping the promises you make to yourself. That is definitely one pillar. You know. Confidence is the little voice in your head. How do you talk to yourself? Do you talk to yourself in a kind, empowering, compassionate way, or do you talk to yourself in a very critical, judgmental and harsh way? That will either raise or lower your confidence.
Alan Stein:Confidence comes from demonstrated performance. It comes from competence. You know how the best shooters on the planet are confident because they've been in the gym making hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of shots when no one else is watching. The reason Stephen Curry is the most confident shooter to ever exist is because he's seen the ball go through the basket millions and millions of times, and most of those times have been when no one else is watching, during what we call the unseen hours. So confidence is earned through demonstrated performance. If you want to get good at something, then start working on that craft, start seeing yourself improve, and those are all things that we can improve. Confidence is not preset Before we hit record.
Alan Stein:You and I were talking about discipline. That's another mistake I think people make is they think discipline is kind of like eye color or height, like it's been predetermined. It's not. Even if you have a history of making undisciplined decisions in your finances and your relationships and your physical fitness, you can change that with the very next decision that you make. And it's the same thing with confidence. If, historically, you have not been a very confident person, you can rewire that and start talking to yourself differently.
Alan Stein:However, if we have that confidence and it's earned we have to continually blend in humility, because it's humility that allows us to stay open to feedback.
Alan Stein:Humility is what allows us to stay open to being coached, and I know you guys run an amazing coaching program. Humility is what reminds us that, no matter how good we get, we know we can still get better, which is why when you take a player like Kobe Bryant one of the most confident basketball players to ever play the game, and well-earned, but he still had the humility to allow himself to be coached, still had the humility to say yeah, I'm a pretty good basketball player, but I'm not even as good as I can be. So we have to make sure we continue to have that humility, because if you have all confidence with no humility, you're narcissistic, you're arrogant, you're cocky and no one likes that. However, if you don't have any confidence and you're all humility, you're usually timid, you're weak, you're not very assertive and no one likes that either. So we need to somehow find a nice dot on the spectrum of that's most comfortable and it may differ from you, to me, but it doesn't matter. Each of us needs to make sure we blend confidence with humility.
Tyler Deveraux:It's such a good thing, man, and you know you said, uh, you can form discipline with your next decision. You know we've all started about learning. I'll tell you something I learned from my little girl, marley. I love this little girl. She just has like street smarts, but she just is like intuitive, you know. And she just has like street smarts, but she just is like intuitive, you know.
Tyler Deveraux:And she just wasn't having a good day and she like was pissed. I know she was pissed, sure. And then she runs into her, into her bedroom and I wait a minute and I walk in there, lights are off and I I don't see her. So I'm like marley, I come around and she is by the side of her bed on the ground with a pillow blanket. She wears an eye mask yep, I wear my eyes too. I love it and she's. I'm like, hey, what are you doing? She's like, well, I'm gonna wake up again because I'm gonna start over. Wow, and I was like you don't have to wait for the next day, like you can create your own next day. That is like a thing that she has somehow just determined, like figured out, like I could just come in here, lay down for five minutes and then wake up and it's a new day for me, and it's the next play.
Alan Stein:I love that. There's actually a tremendous amount of genius in that Right. It's like you know what Today did not go the way. I wanted, but today is hours and I can make whatever it is that I want out of that 24 hours.
Tyler Deveraux:That's actually a pretty astute lesson for someone her age to know Question with the confidence and humility thing. Sure, how do you uh cause these athletes that you you've worked with and yourself, I mean, man, you're on stage, you're speaking, you have to be confident. And then how do you blend, like, how do you know when you're leaning too far into the confidence side, or or maybe too far in the humility side? Is that just like intuitive, is it? Is it the competence? By going through it multiple times, what's?
Alan Stein:your thoughts. It's a yes, yes, yes and yes to everything you just said. I do think, um, I'll just speak in the first person from a speaking standpoint. So I'm a huge believer in making preparation, my separation. So I want to always do my due diligence, be as rehearsed, be as prepared as possible. I do all the heavy lifting so that way, when I actually step on stage, I can just be present, I can just have fun, I don't have to worry about did I memorize everything perfectly?
Alan Stein:I know that I did the work to earn the right to deliver and then, once I'm on that stage, the only thing I care about is adding value to the audience. See, I find that the reason most people get nervous, um, before they go speak, is they're worried about themselves. What is the audience going to think about me? Are they going to like me? We got to take the spotlight off of ourselves and put it on the audience. What can I do to add value to you? How can I, you know, share something that's going to improve your life? It's not about me, it's about you. And that's, you know, that's the foundational mantra of transformational leadership, anyway, is it's not about me, it's about you and when you can learn to take the spotlight off of yourself and put it on others and start lighting other people's candles. That's the type of confidence that I think is really attractive.
Alan Stein:But I also give myself permission and grace to be less than perfect. You know, I've given hundreds of paid keynotes. I'm yet to give a perfect keynote. And you know what, if I do this for the next 30 years, I'll never give a perfect keynote. I mean, I've given some good ones, trust me. I've given some ones I've been really proud of. But you could still go back and watch the game tape and I could have said that a little bit differently. I could have paused a little longer there. I could have, you know, raised the volume of my voice on. So nothing is ever perfect, but life isn't a perfect game. Basketball is not a perfect game. Business is not a perfect game. So I never worry about perfection.
Alan Stein:All I know is if I can show up and say that I was fully prepared to deliver to the best of my ability and I did it in service of the audience and I had some fun while I was doing it, that's a win, because once I say it, I don't control it anymore. So I also don't believe in you know you talk about, own the outcome. I don't believe in giving my power away. Whether or not I gave a good keynote has nothing to do with the audience giving a standing ovation or not. Like I'm not giving them that power Now. I'm there in service of them. So I hope they find it helpful and I hope that it's moving. I hope they took some good notes. But I don't control any of that. All I can control is putting out what I believe would be helpful.
Alan Stein:Now I do my due diligence. I do a pre-event call with whoever hires me. I learned everything I can about the audience what things are going well, what are their challenges, what are their pain points, what are the things they need to know and I really customize the talk for the people that'll be in those seats. But sometimes you get a tepid response and sometimes you get people you know throwing roses on stage. I can't live or die by by people's responses and by outcomes.
Alan Stein:I'm much more of a process guy, which is actually that third pillar If I Cause I know I can go off on tangents. So the first is they focus on the fundamentals. Second is they blend confidence with humility. And third is they trust the process. They don't live and die by outcomes, which is hard because we live in an outcome world. We all want a massive return on our investment. We all want to make sure we study and get a great grade on the test. We all want to make sure we win the basketball game.
Alan Stein:But the juice is in the process and when you can learn to embrace the process, then you win before you even start. And you know I mean even you know my girlfriend is a financial planner, financial advisor, and we talk a lot about. You know it's making the calls to the prospects. That's the process. You don't control whether or not they say yes or no or whether they hire you or not. So don't measure your success based on outcomes and outputs. Measure your success based on inputs. Did you make 10 calls today to 10 prospects? If the answer is yes, then today was successful, even if all 10 of them said no. And that is really hard for people to wrap their mind around. But the law of averages and another word that you and I love is consistency. You make those 10 calls every single day, 365 days a year, and I promise you you're going to start to stack some wins.
Tyler Deveraux:These are congruent, bro, because, like you talk about, the step before this was confidently humble, yeah, and the process is I'm making the calls. The confidently humble part is I'm going to be confident on this call and humble enough that I can go back and think like, okay, is there something that I could have done better? Boom, yes, it's just a little bit better, every single one, and that's what it is. I think a lot of times, people either don't stick with the consistency and you tell me what your thoughts are on this Like they don't stick with. Well, I know that they're not consistent, yes or they're consistent but they're not consistently checking in on how to just get a little bit better, improve it a little bit more. And I know, bro, that you obsess about it, just simply by hearing what you've talked about. Yes, I know you obsess about it.
Alan Stein:Well, yeah, you have, that's where we need to be able to tweak that. But you said something else key um, it just depends on your definition of consistency. See, most people I believe it's time plus consistency will get us almost anything in this world that we want. But that's subjective, because some people like, hey, I've been on a diet for three days and I haven't lost any weight, I've been consistent for three days and you're like, well, yeah, you realize this could potentially take three weeks, three months, maybe three years to get where you're trying to go.
Alan Stein:So, you know, no one goes out and shoots hoops for three days and as a world-class shooter, you got to do that every single day. And it's the same thing. If you're smiling and dialing 10 calls every single day, well, yeah, anyone can do that for a week. Yeah, yeah, some people can do it for a month. Very few people can do that for a year. Almost no one can do that for a career Yep, yep, but if you want so, I've got three children. I'm divorced, so I don't have my kids all of the time, but anytime that I don't have my kids, I start the day by sending them a daily dad thought.
Tyler Deveraux:I just send them a text. I.
Alan Stein:Yeah, and the one I sent them this morning is one of my all time favorite quotes that I learned, probably when I was around their age, and that is if you do the things others don't do, you'll have the things others don't have. But I actually like to change the word a little bit to if you do the things others won't do, you'll have nicer houses and nicer cars and I think my head was in the wrong place, but this applies to everything, like think of the things that you want most in life, whether it's inner peace, it's a fulfilling relationship, whatever it may be, financial freedom. The only way you'll have those things is by doing what most people aren't willing to do. And what most people aren't willing to do is focus on the fundamentals for long periods of time, consistently, like we could end the podcast right now, everyone listening. If you do those things, you will be successful in anything you want.
Alan Stein:Focus on the fundamentals relentlessly, for a long enough time, consistently, and I promise you but most people won't do that They'll give up very quickly, and I can say that through firsthand experience. I can tell you a dozen things that I didn't fully commit to the fundamentals on. I can tell you a dozen things that I didn't stick with it long enough and a dozen things where I was inconsistent, and every single one of those things I didn't achieve anywhere close to what I was capable of. Yeah, so I don't say this in judgment of anybody else. I say this as a practitioner who knows the things in my life that I haven't done very well, but I also know the things in my life that I've done really well, and that's been the recipe.
Tyler Deveraux:That's it, man. I love how you man it's so much gold right there. Like you have you, I want to run through a fricking brick wall. Let's do it. I'll go with you. Like damn, your energy is awesome.
Tyler Deveraux:But it is those things, bro, it just is. It's like if we can drill that stuff home at any point, any level, and even the consistency, bro, I look at. I want to be the best dad in the world yeah, I do, but do you know what? Like what you? One of the biggest takeaways for me, I promise you, from this episode will be what you just said Cool, the daily dad thought. Yeah, I'm, I'm home. I don't do a daily thought with my kids, I don't. It's like what an amazing gift you're giving your kids.
Alan Stein:But you do a questions game with your kids and I'm going to do that now with mine. So it's also just a reminder that every situation is a little bit different. Considering that I don't have my kids half the time, I wanted to find a way to kind of bridge that gap and make that connection when I wasn't physically with them but and make that connection when I wasn't physically with them.
Tyler Deveraux:But that's owning the outcome. Yeah, and it's funny because you say it needs to be processed. It's not the outcome and the title of the podcast is Own the Outcome, but literally owning the outcome is the process. Yes, that's how you do it. You can't control the outcome.
Alan Stein:No, oh, I love that you were able to make that kind of differentiation. Yeah, you can't. But that you were able to make that kind of differentiation, yeah, you can't. But owning the outcome means regardless of what the outcome is, I hold myself fully accountable for that and I'm going to be okay with whatever it is Now. With that said so, people don't think I've completely gone insane.
Alan Stein:I have preferences in life, like, if you're asking me, my preference is to win rather than to lose. That's a preference. But you don't win all of the time. So for me, I need to have solace in knowing did I do everything possible to put myself in a position to earn the right to win? And sometimes I'm not going to. And I own that outcome every bit as much as I own the ones when I win. I own praise just as much as I own criticism, and vice versa, and you have to be okay with that.
Alan Stein:You know, if to me, that's what owning the outcome is all about, it's I own the process and I own the responsibility and the accountability to to how I contributed to that. You know, anytime I don't get a result that I want in my life, in any area of my life. The very first question I asked myself is how was I complicit in not getting what I wanted? Like, how did I contribute to not getting what I wanted? So I just lost? I don't ask what Tyler did, what Strat did, what anybody else did. I asked myself what could I have done differently? So it's kind of that Jocko Willink extreme ownership mentality. It's looking myself in the mirror and saying what could I have done differently in every situation? And to me that's one of the most important questions we can ask.
Tyler Deveraux:Agreed, bro. I'll share an example of this real quick, please. I'm going to ask you one. I just had an investor call like to a group of investors. That brother did not go well. I mean, and you have to understand, this is like what I teach, this is what I talk about. You say did not go well. I mean I, and you have to understand, this is like what I teach, this is what I talk about, this is what you say. Your preparation is your separation. I love that quote, by the way, and I, I like I prepare, I'm a preparer. Yeah, I got off that call. There was one point in that call I like saw myself in, like the camera. You know like I'm, like I see my picture. I'm like, oh, I look, beat up. But I got off that call and I literally immediately pulled up my Evernote and I was like what I would do different? We call them learning lessons. That's what.
Alan Stein:I call it learning lessons.
Tyler Deveraux:Love it, learning lessons from the call, and I busted out an entire framework of what I would do different on the call. And then what I did is I put it into work immediately and I wrote an email, a follow-up email, to all those investors of hey, this is what I did wrong on this call, this is what I should have done. Here's what it is Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I just like answered questions that they had, but like in a compact way. And, bro, it was crazy for me because in that moment getting off the call, I didn't immediately jump into the Evernote. What I immediately did was like, holy shit, I've been there you go down this negative path, right, of course.
Tyler Deveraux:But then it's like what can I do better? And you ask am I going to be positive or negative right now? Am I going to be solution-based or victim-based? What am I going to do? And then you dive in and, bro, to see the response from the email back was like how powerful.
Tyler Deveraux:And I say that because a lot of people listening are individuals that I've trained and they think that sometimes, well, I think lots of people are like this, where they just think that all of a sudden, you reach a level where your execution is flawless and anybody that was on that call it was not flawless, like my marketing team Feedback God bless them, because they're investors on that deal. They call me like that is the worst call I've ever seen you have. They didn't tell me that right after. It was like two days after. I was like bro, I know I say that and I preface that because, bro, you are in great shape, you've been extremely successful, you have massive charisma. You just speak with this confidence and you're magnetic. But have you seen challenges in your life? And I know it's a, of course, but what is a challenge that you've seen that you've owned the outcome of Well first and foremost, I just really respect your vulnerability in sharing that.
Alan Stein:And the cool part is and we only have this gift with hindsight and with humility, you may look back and go. That was one of the most valuable calls that I've ever made, Bro, Because it didn't go well and I learned a massive lesson Because, generally speaking, we don't learn a whole lot when things go really well. We only learn when things don't and we have the humility to look at the feedback and to say what can we do differently. So every successive call after this is looming you don't make the same mistakes you made on that call will benefit from the fact that you had kind of an off day, and just remember, everyone does. It's funny because I said that to my girlfriend one one time. I got off stage and I just said, for whatever reason, I just it just wasn't my best performance and I said you know what, but I'm, I'm going to be okay, Cause even LeBron has an off night and she's like did you just call yourself the LeBron speaking?
Tyler Deveraux:And.
Alan Stein:I was like no, I didn't mean it that way. I just mean that no matter how good you are, people have off days, they have off moments and we have to give ourselves that type of permission to have that. Um, one of the first and I guess we'll call it failures that I remember um was as a college basketball player. Um, when I went to Elon to play basketball and this had been a lifelong goal of mine to play collegiately and yes, it's Elon college, it's not Kentucky, it's not Duke, it's not Carolina's not Carolina. So I had to temper my expectations and I got there and I played a decent amount as a freshman and then I caught what I now call the complacency bug. I lacked the humility. I thought I had arrived. I told myself you're a freshman, you're playing a lot, you're just going to ride this out for the next four years. Like, why would you not be a four-year starter if you start as a freshman? And I got lazy. I spent more time with my fraternity than I did in the gym. I stopped coming in and working on my game and, like every good college coach does, they try to out-recruit their current players. They try to bring in better players than they currently have, and our coach did that. The next class brought in better players. Not only that, my class all was still working on their game.
Alan Stein:I was the odd man out, I was the black sheep. I thought I was good enough and come back my sophomore year and everyone had made massive progress and I hadn't. So the natural result is I don't play. I don't play very much and I didn't take that very well. I didn't like sitting on the end of the bench with my shooting shirt on.
Alan Stein:Now I'm at a distinct fork in the road. I have two options. I can have a bad attitude, I can blame the coach and I can be mad at the world, or I can actually get in the gym and work on myself and earn time. Unfortunately, I took the first path. I decided to blame the coach. I decided to work even less than I was working before. It was everyone's fault but mine and did nothing but make excuses. And I did that for the rest of my college career. I hardly played at all for my last three years of college and it was all because I had an awful attitude. I made excuses, I blamed, I complained, I didn't put in the work Now, similar to your call not going well. As embarrassing as that is, for me to share that, because that is the exact opposite of what it is that I preach and teach today, both on stage and on page. Going through that has made me who I am today.
Alan Stein:I have massive empathy and compassion when I meet people that have bad attitudes, because I had an awful one when I was that age. You know when people think they've've arrived, when they think they don't need to do the work, when they blame, complain and make excuses. You know I lean in with empathy and compassion because I was that person at that time. Now, thankfully, I can look back with some maturity and go, boy, that the 20 year old Alan was a knucklehead.
Alan Stein:My parents tried to talk sense into me. I didn't listen like, so I, I owned that and and that outcome that I got was not the one that I wanted, but I owned that outcome. I was the reason that I did not play very much uh in college and I can look back on it now and and I've forgiven my previous self like this is not something that keeps me up at night. That is, that is an older version of me and I've given that guy some some permission to be less than perfect and I've moved on from it. But now, when I meet players and I meet entrepreneurs and I meet people that are in a similar predicament, I can speak with the zealot of a recent convert, because that is exactly who I was.
Tyler Deveraux:What a beautiful answer, man. I love that you shared that one, because I was fully expecting you to say that. Then I shifted and I came back as a starter and it's like yeah, but I love that you shared that one and then I love how you tied it into. That's what, that's now your uniqueness to be able to connect. You know? Yeah, I met, I got. Do you know who Rory Vaden is?
Tyler Deveraux:of course I do love, big fan bro love Rory and I actually just recorded episode with Rory and Rory helps with the brand I love as a person. I freaking just love this dude. He is and brand builders group is phenomenal.
Alan Stein:I can't wait to listen.
Tyler Deveraux:Yeah, they're so, they're so good.
Tyler Deveraux:I mean he said I think he got this from somewhere else, but he said you're most uniquely positioned to help the person you once were, to serve the person you once were. Yes, and it's like man I've heard that so many times but like hearing you say it you didn't say that, but you said that, right? Yeah, it's this reminder of like, okay, what are the things that I have went through that I have failed at? Sometimes we think that our failures disqualify us, and hearing you say that it's actually our failures that uniquely qualify us 100%.
Alan Stein:Well, same thing, please don't don't ship me a dad of the year award, because I send out a daily dad thought there were times when my children were younger that I was not near as present physically or emotionally as I probably should have been, you know, and same thing. I can look back on that now and and learn from that. See, it doesn't do any good to beat myself up over something in the past because I can't change it. Yeah, anything that has happened in our past, the factual, factual components of that we can't change Now we can change our relationship with that. You could go literally from saying that was the worst investor call ever to that was actually the most valuable investor call ever because I messed up. So, looking back, as much heartache and pain as I went through through not playing through three years and sitting on the end of the bench with all of my friends in the stands feeling embarrassed that I wasn't playing, making excuses, blaming, complaining it was everybody's fault but mine. Going through that is what has allowed me to have certain perspectives on things now. So I wouldn't change that for anything and it's important to remember that.
Alan Stein:And there have been times in my life where I have not been very financially disciplined. I've made some really poor financial decisions in my life. Now, thankfully, I've hired the right people around me to help coach me in course, correct, um, so I also have empathy, uh, for anytime someone is struggling for something in in that in their life. Now, for me, I've always identified with being an athlete, so physical fitness and wellness has always come fairly seamless to me, like I've always been in pretty good shape so. But when I meet someone that that is their struggle, I just remember that you know what, financially, I've made some really bad decisions, exercise some poor discipline. So, even though the domain might be different, it just reminds me that, hey, everybody struggles in some area, and we all do at some point, and that part's okay. So lean into others, be compassionate, you know, show some humanity.
Alan Stein:And and to me that that's the most important part, if you were to ask me one of my superpowers, aside from consistency, it's that I care Like I care, like I really care. I care about myself, I care about others, I care about doing a good job. I care about you know one of the things I loved in your book the lesson your dad taught you about leave everything better than you found it. That's one of the things I preach to my children all the time and it's one of the things that I try to live by. And the moniker of this that I laugh at all the time because I put it on social media is making sure you always return your shopping cart when you're done at the grocery store. There we go.
Alan Stein:Like, don't abandon it in an empty parking space for someone else to put back. Yes, like if you were of able body, then put the cart back. Yes, you know, don't leave a mess for someone else to clean up, and you'll appreciate this story. So Jay Billis of ESPN is a really good friend and mentor of mine. He was kind enough to write the forward to my book.
Tyler Deveraux:I saw that, by the way.
Alan Stein:Every year he holds the Jay Billis uh skills Academy down in Charlotte. It's actually coming up in a couple of weeks and I go down and work at every year. I don't worry about pay, it's like a volunteer position, just to help give back. And one of the unique things Jay does at the beginning of camp there's a hundred aspiring college basketball players is he brings out the building service people, he brings out the janitors and he introduces them to the players and he says do you understand that these people?
Alan Stein:Their job is to make sure that you have a clean and safe gym so that you can pursue your dreams, and we will not do anything that makes their job any harder. In fact, this gym will be cleaner when we leave it than it was when we got in. I want this to be the easiest week of work for these people, because they sacrifice during the unseen hours to provide an environment for you to pursue your dreams, and we will not take advantage of that. So this is these are their names, this is what they do, and this will be the easiest week they've ever had, because if you see trash on the ground, you pick it up. I don't care if it's yours. You see a Gatorade bottle you pick it up. You see a towel you pick it up. We leave places better than we found it, and when I read that in your book, like the hairs on my neck stood up, because that's something Jay has always preached and I think it's a really important lesson Bro.
Tyler Deveraux:I love that you just shared that, because I mean, I don't have hair, it would stand up.
Alan Stein:Hair on your chin's standard, bro.
Tyler Deveraux:How powerful man to bring them out.
Alan Stein:I love that so much, but also another lesson is that it honors people that do work during the unseen hours. Yeah, you know, one of the things I do during my keynotes, um is I always acknowledge the av team because, as you know, as a keynote speaker, how important the av team is now, at most events and I know you run hundreds and hundreds of events the people that are sitting in the seats usually don't even know the AV team is there unless there's a technical issue.
Tyler Deveraux:Like, their job is to stay.
Alan Stein:Think about that their job is to stay invisible.
Alan Stein:In fact, the measure of their vocation is that a certain number of people at an event don't even know that they exist, which means they make a massive contribution to the success of the event.
Alan Stein:But they do it during the unseen hours. They do it when no one's watching and I think, as leaders, it is so important that we shine a light on people that make contributions during the unseen hours. It's the people in the company that aren't customer facing but make massive contributions and as leaders, we have to acknowledge that and we have to praise it, because that which gets praised gets repeated, and I know as a keynote speaker and I know you know this the AV team is kind of our lifeblood. Like if the AV team ain't on our side, we're in for a tough event and those people make such a massive contribution. So I love that Jay brings out people from the background. Most of us aren't even aware that there's building service people there sweeping the floors and cleaning the toilets and stuff, and we need to be aware because they're doing a thankless job and I believe we should always be saying thank you to people that do thankless jobs, that's so good I'm so I need to go.
Tyler Deveraux:I'm so excited to go back and relisten to this episode, like I'm a big note taker cool. And I felt the same way with eddie, by the way, when I was listening to eddie's podcast I can't remember if we said that on here or in the beginning, or behind the scenes, oh eddie wilson is yeah, that episode was one of my favorites, bro, and went back and I relistened, like right away, and took notes, and this is one of those.
Tyler Deveraux:This entire time through it's like I find myself wanting to, but I'll go back and relisten. There's so much gold that you're sharing and things that I want to implement. Things that I want to implement man. It's just powerful.
Alan Stein:Well, let's talk about another word that I know you love because it's in the book it's execution, which is a synonym for implement, and I love that you just went there, because that's why you're so good at everything you do. It's not just the taking notes Almost everybody takes notes, but most people just take them and file them away and do nothing with them. So we have to take the notes and then we have to execute or implement what it is that we learned, and to me, that's what's most important. See so many people. They get excited about going to all these seminars and conferences and they have binder after binder and notepad after notepad, but then they don't execute. And it reminds me.
Alan Stein:So, as I said, I'm I'm 48 years old and I remember as a child, the PSA was always knowledge is power, knowledge is power, and I've come to learn that that's. That statement is incomplete. I'm not going to say it's false, but I'm going to say it's incomplete. Knowledge is not power, it's implementation of knowledge. That's where you get power from. Knowledge in and of itself is completely worthless If you don't do anything.
Alan Stein:If I read your book cover to cover and I don't change any of my behaviors, then in essence, all I did was waste my time reading the book.
Alan Stein:I need to read your book, take notes and say this is something I'm going to put into action, and then, if you want to make sure that you put it into action, then you need to take advantage of accountability and you need to recruit an inner board of people to hold you accountable to doing the things that you say you're going to do. So if you do pull a piece of gold out of this conversation and you take a couple notes, I recommend you ask a couple people whether it's your wife, whether it's Strat, whether it's someone else you work with and say this is something I'm going to implement for the next couple of months. Will you hold me to this? Will you hold me accountable on the days I don't feel like doing this, on the days that it's inconvenient? Will you still give me that extra nudge? And I try to have people in my life that hold me to the fire to do what I say I'm going to do, and then I try to be that person for other people as well and try to hold people accountable.
Tyler Deveraux:Bro, I love that added step. So it's actually one of the questions that I had on here for you, which I haven't even looked at, my stinking list. I've just been riffing with you, I've just been we're just getting warmed up, buddy, but it's that it's like because you preach the brace basics, you preach, you know, um um consistency, but it's like how do you, how would you say, how would you help somebody understand how to stay motivated or consistent? I guess is it motivation is?
Alan Stein:else Like. I think motivation is somewhat overrated in society today.
Alan Stein:And I think discipline is kind of under underrated to me. I would rather have discipline than motivation. So most people assume because I am high energy. Uh, they assume that I'm always motivated and I gotta be honest, I'm not. You know, I I'm a morning person. I tend to do most of my physical activity, from a workout standpoint, early in the morning. That's just my own preference. But if you think I'm motivated to get up at five every morning and work out, I promise you I'm not.
Alan Stein:I probably, if I had to put a number on it, I'm probably motivated to do that about a third of the time. The other two thirds of the time I do it anyway because I'm disciplined and because I want the result that I know laying that brick is going to do, and I use that analogy all the time. That's really, in essence, what's the process is. The process is not worrying about the wall. The process is focusing on each individual brick, because you do realize if you lay every brick exactly where it's supposed to go, the wall just takes care of itself. You don't have to worry about the wall Exactly and you can own that outcome. You just have to focus on the bricks.
Alan Stein:So so, so to me, when you are feeling motivated, ride that wave, use that. That's an extra, that's some extra oomph behind you. But when you're not motivated, don't use that as an excuse not to act or implement or execute. That's when we actually need to lean on discipline. And you know what? What I found? And I love doing things in threes, if you haven't noticed, there's kind of a three-step formula, um, to change any behavior or habit.
Alan Stein:The first is I want you to be incredibly precise about just changing one thing. The mistake many people make and I imagine when someone leaves your seminars and they got 12 things that they want to do differently and they try to implement all 12 things the next morning, it's just too much. You know, I'm a self-diagnosed quote nerd and one of my favorite quotes of all time is if you chase two rabbits, they both get away. You just figure out which one you're going to go after and go after that thing and grab it by the tail. So don't go after both, pick one. So, first and foremost let's say, for the sake of argument, someone listening to this wrote down four things that they really resonated with that you and I shared that they want to consider changing. I suggest you only circle the one that you want to go after first. The first rabbit, yes, so pick one. Second is make a commitment to do that for the next 66 days. Um, there's a ton of research out there on building habits and changing behaviors and james clear has done a brilliant job of that, especially in atomic habits. But the best research I've seen says it takes around 66 days to start to change a new habit or behavior.
Alan Stein:I like 66 days, first of all. It's easy to remember. It's somewhat arbitrary, it's it's enough of a stretch that 66 days is not easy, but it is realistic and I like, like that, that medium ground. So, as much as I embrace technology, I'm kind of old school. I literally print out excuse me a paper calendar and I get a big red Sharpie and when I tell myself I'm going to do something, I put a big red X every day that I do that thing and my goal is to get 66 red X's. Now, in full humility, I rarely can get 66 in a row. I have an off day, I miss day 13. I just didn't do the thing I said I was going to do. So my goal is to never miss two in a row. So if I miss that 13th day, I want to make sure that next day has a big red X on it. And the goal is in 66 days, how many red X's can I get? You get 62, 63 X's out of 66 days. That's pretty consistent and you should be very proud of that. So step two is do it for 66 days and then the third step is, as I mentioned before, recruit people that are going to hold you accountable to that. Have someone that's going to check in with you and text you or call you or see you at the dinner table that night and say, tyler, did you do the thing you said you were going to do? And I can promise you this, if you, if, did you do the thing you said you were going to do? And I can promise you this, if you, if you focus on one thing, you make a commitment to yourself to do it for 66 days and you keep track of it, and you have people that love and care about you holding you accountable to that, I'm telling you, man, it's, it's crazy, and and and.
Alan Stein:One other piece of research that I think you'll appreciate. On the pick one so there's a gentleman named John Berardi who, a a couple decades ago, started a company called Precision Nutrition and he did this just massive research study and he found that when the average person focused on changing one behavior at a time, they had an 85% success rate, which is pretty good. In the second group, where the people split their attention and tried to change two things, percentage of success dropped down to 40%. And in the third group, where they tried to change three or more things, percentage of success dropped down to around 4. And in the third group, where they try to change three or more things, percentage of success dropped down to around four or 5%. So just by diverting your focus off of one thing and turning it into two or three, you go from an 85% success rate down to four or five.
Alan Stein:Those aren't very good odds, dude. Now that's not to say it's impossible, and for someone as remarkable as you. I'm not saying you couldn't do it, I'm just saying all of us should have the humility to say I'm going to focus on and go after it with reckless abandon for the next 66 days. Yes, and I'll bet my money that you'll change that habit. Yes, bro, I I hope everyone.
Tyler Deveraux:I hope y'all just listen to that because, dude, I believe in. I love everything napoleon hill puts out, like all of his stuff, and one of my favorite books ever is I don't know if you've read this one, but outwitting the devil if you read no, I haven't bro, okay, adding that to my list unbelievable book.
Tyler Deveraux:Okay, it is all about. He calls it drifting and like it's. The title was weird for me so I didn't read it for a long time but he's literally interviewing the devil, and I know that sounds weird, but I'm telling you it is in so insightful and it is. He calls it drifting, which is just you're not definite in your aim. You're drifting through life, you're drifting through the activity you're whatever it is, and so he talks about definiteness of purpose and how definiteness of purpose eliminates distractions. So you stay hyper-focused. Q4 of 2023, I hit zero of my targets for Q4. Zero Because I had way too many targets, like what I've learned about myself. I'm an unrealistic optimist and that's been a beautiful thing for me, sure, but this humility of checking back in, I'm like, well, that's too many focuses and divided focus, divided results, it's like scattered focus, scattered results, it's like no, you got to hone in on the one and then you build upon those ones.
Alan Stein:Absolutely yeah, James Clear calls that habit stacking habit stacking. So then, yeah, once you changed, you have the relentless focus on the one, and then there's going to be something that you can stack on on top of that. Yeah, absolutely.
Tyler Deveraux:That's so good man. I love the 66 days thing as well. I have this in my office. I have this um, it's a big ass calendar. It's Jesse, it's there's big ass calendar.
Alan Stein:I know Jesse.
Tyler Deveraux:And I put like any anything that is a big event I put on there, but I am absolutely implementing that. Which is the x like yeah, because I there are things, specific things that I want to do every day and did I do it? X. I want to see that. That's such a beautiful visual and, as weird as it is, that will motivate the shit out of me absolutely seeing it.
Alan Stein:Well, you know, when we were talking about our, our mutual love of, uh, harry mack, and I mentioned that I, I study both stand-up comedy and I study, study hip-hop as a way just to become a better, better at spoken word, better at what it is that I do. I'm not trying to be funny and I'm certainly not going to be a hip-hop superstar, but I'm just fascinated by that. And there's so many stories in both of those domains, like even to this day. Jerry Seinfeld is 70 years old and he writes every single day.
Tyler Deveraux:Does he really Every.
Alan Stein:Every single day, every single day. I had read and I cannot verify this, but I did read and I think it was a legitimate source that, in kind of the prime of his career, lil Wayne, hip hop rapper Lil Wayne, wrote a song every single morning for a decade Now. The overwhelming majority of those songs were never released. No one ever heard them, but it was the mere exercise of if I want to be, as he says, the greatest rapper alive, then every single day I'm going to write a song. Now, some days they're going to come out to be mega hits, some days they might be somewhat duds, but I'm going to do that every single day.
Alan Stein:You know, the story that I close with on stage most of the times I give a keynote is about the first time I met Stephen Curry and he wouldn't leave the gym until he swished five Fritos in a row. Swish, yeah, like that was his ticket to leave the gym. You know, no matter what I just did for the last two or three hours, I can't leave until I swish five in a row, which, of course, anyone listening to this, if you've ever shot a basketball, you know that's a pretty high standard. You know it's a perfect shot and he wouldn't leave until he swished five in a row. I'm not saying everyone has to adopt that standard, but I think every single one of us needs to have a clear-cut standard that is in alignment with who it is that we're trying to become and we need to make sure that that's what's key that the standards are in alignment.
Alan Stein:Do the beliefs that you have? Are they in alignment with your behaviors? Because lots of times those things splinter. We all say what we want and we talk about that, but we don't live a life that is congruent with that. We all say what we want and we talk about that, but we don't live a life that is congruent with that. And you know, as we mentioned before, some of the times when I'm not getting the results I believe I'm capable of, it's because I've been unconsciously drifting away from the basics.
Alan Stein:Well, a secondary to that is sometimes, when I'm not getting the results I want, it's because what I'm saying and what I'm doing aren't in alignment. They're starting to splinter and and I don't want to be that person to me, that's the definition of integrity is I do what it is that I tell others to do, I you know what I share on stage and on page and what I preach and what I teach. I'm living those things in alignment. I want to make sure that the person you're talking to right now while the mics are hot is the exact same person you'll talk to when we hit stop is the same person. If someone bumps into me later today at the airport, they're going to get the same person. Now it might not be as on as I am right now, because I don't give a podcast interviews when I'm just walking around the airport, but everything else I want to make sure is synonymous to me.
Alan Stein:One of my biggest fears would be that I say or do something that is not in alignment with what I preach and I believe and that's still going to happen, because I'm not perfect, sure, but I want the vast majority of what it is that I do in this world to be in that alignment, the consistency.
Tyler Deveraux:I love the grace and I love the consistency that's confidence, like when you have. I love how you said that doesn't need to be your standard, but you need to have a set of standards what is the standard? And to have a set of standards what is the standard? And then you live by it. It's like whatever that is, and when you do that, your confidence will. It's it will naturally increase. Yes, but, like you said, when you set a standard or you say a certain thing, you don't do it. You call it a performance gap, right? Yes, exactly, which I love it. And then you talk about how you close those, which is acting inconsistent to what you say. And that's as simple as it is. Yes, what are my standards, what am I going to do? And then do those things.
Alan Stein:Yes, well, no, I'm so glad you're going in this direction. But what I think is really important for folks to understand I guarantee there's someone who watches you, listens to you, follows you, sees what you're doing now and they're brand new and just starting out and they want to adopt the you have right now. When it's like, hang on for a second, you probably need to go back and say, hey, tyler, what were you doing 10, 12 years ago? That was the first rung of the ladder that allowed you to get here. See, that used to happen when, when I was in the basketball performance space and I'm working these events for kobe and lebron and I'd have younger performance coaches say like, hey, alan, what do I need to do to work for nike? And I'm like well, I can't tell you what I'm doing now. I can tell you what I did 10 years ago to slowly earn the invitation to work for Nike. But if you're not willing to go back and start with what I started with, then you're looking to skip steps, you're looking to skip the fundamentals. Now I will say this if I can share something with you that will help your learning curve, so, instead of it taking you 10 years to do it.
Alan Stein:You might get there in five, but you still have to be willing to go back to the starting line. You know you can't. You're a baseball player. You don't start on third base, like. You got to earn the right to get around to third base, which sometimes is a single, and then someone else knocks you forward or you steal a base but no one starts on third base. If you want to get third base, you got to earn the right to get there, and it's the same thing in any of these.
Alan Stein:If someone is looking at you and saying I want to be the investor that you are, well, they got to look and study your history. What did you do when you were at their level? And to me that's what's most important and I try and do that in every area of my life Like when I first got in the speaking game, of course, there were speakers that I mean I put on a pedestal and said, my gosh, these guys are absolutely amazing. But I was very diligent in making sure I understood. How did they get started? What did they do when they? I know what they're doing 20 years later, but if I think I'm going to go from zero to being on these huge stages in three months. I'm delusional. So what did you do to get started? And what are the things now? And what? What tripwires did you hit? Or landmines did you step on that I can avoid to make it a little quicker for me?
Tyler Deveraux:Yeah, absolutely, which is why people should read your book Hopefully read my books, because they're full of things that they can do to shorten that learning curve and listen to your podcast, bro, the Raise the Game podcast. Like, 100%. Yes, all of those things are. I don't even need to tell anybody that, like, if you don't even need to tell anybody that, like, if you don't know that by this point, by listening to this shit, you ain't paying attention.
Alan Stein:It's like bro, it's the gold, you spend your superpower.
Tyler Deveraux:One of your superpowers is simplifying it. Oh, thanks, I believe sometimes execution is challenging because we don't know what to execute on, but you simplify it in a way like just that analogy. You used to use the baseball analogy. I loved how you said it could be a single and then somebody knocks you to second.
Alan Stein:That's probably not the right terminology, cause I don't know baseball as well as you do, but I mean a teammate hits, a teammate gets a single which moves you over to second base.
Tyler Deveraux:I know exactly what you're talking about but the beautiful thing is, sometimes that's what it is. Sometimes you get a double, sometimes you need a teammate to get you to second. Yeah, like, sometimes that's what it takes. Of course. What's crazy is sometimes you get a single somebody else and maybe you got somebody second. Somebody else gets you to second, but you feel like you didn't earn second. Yeah, see, in baseball you never feel like that right but in life sometimes we feel like that, right.
Alan Stein:Well, you're so thankful you've got a guy behind you in the lineup that's able to knock you forward, because that's the name of the game. Well, speaking of what you just said, another one of my quotes that I love and I don't mean my quote like I came up with it, but I heard it somewhere Complexity undermines execution. So that's the reason, and this is the tagline of my speaking business it's simplify success. I have a huge neon sign above my head back in my office. I'm all about simplifying success, untethering from the things that don't serve us and getting rid of all the white noise and the things that are distracting us, and simplifying it. But the more complex we make things, the harder it is to actually execute, which, again, is why I love your book.
Alan Stein:Now, I'm a novice when it comes to any type of real estate investing, but but the premise it's very early in your book is that most people would hear that multifamily investing is. Is this really complex, hard, like there's no way I could do that, I don't have the money to do it, it's going to be way too much work, when in fact, those are just stories that we're telling ourselves. You break that down and make it such a a simple and digestible concept that anyone is capable of doing it If they're willing to do those things, and that's why that resonates. And the beautiful part is, people should read that book, not just who are interested in multifamily unit investing. Those principles apply to anything in life, and that's what I think we should all be doing is finding these let's just call them truths, if you will and then learn how to execute, and the more simplified we can make things, the better off we'll be.
Tyler Deveraux:I agree, bro. That's when I go to an event, when I listen to a speaker like yourself, when I listen to you. You mentioned inky, one of you and whoever it's like I'm not looking for this complete game changer, I'm looking for this one little thing. And you mentioned inky and and you mentioned starting at like. Where did they start? I asked ink that question. I was like bro, because I look at Ink, he's one of the best speakers in the entire world. Absolutely, I look at him as a communicator.
Alan Stein:Talk about wanting to run through a brick wall.
Tyler Deveraux:Yeah, yeah, anytime I talk to him.
Alan Stein:Yes.
Tyler Deveraux:Like love that dude. But I asked him like how did you develop it? Because you're such a great storyteller and how you, he's amazing storyteller. And then how he drills a point home like how did you? And he's like every single day, when I would drive to, wherever I was driving to, I would pick a billboard, find something and I'd give a speech about it while I'm in my car. I was like that's what you did. He's like, yeah, and then what happened is then, all of a sudden, I got asked to give a speech and I felt confident to give a speech. Wow. And it was like wow, that's a simple thing to implement, but guess what it's going to take. Definite as a purpose it's going to take, instead of getting distracted with music or whatever it is, it's like that's, that's what his routine is, and you're big on routines, oh.
Alan Stein:I'm huge on routines. Yes, no, I'm huge on routines, Absolutely Well, and that just reminds me. It's kind of this adage of you know how you give a really good talk, you give lots of really bad talks leading up to that, but you go back and you unpack them and you unwind them and you learn what you did.
Alan Stein:You know uh, I don't do it quite as much now because, thankfully, I'm speaking more now, but when I first started, I filmed every single talk I gave, even if it was just on my iPhone, and I watched it back. And you want to talk about humility, bro? I mean, that is the biggest piece of humble pie when you watch yourself on film and it. I mean and here's what's cool, though, I could still go back and watch some of the first keynotes I ever gave in 2017. And if I watched them right now, they would probably make my stomach turn. But that was part of the process, that's part of the journey, and at that time, the 2017 version of Allen Stein Jr was doing the very best he could at that time. So once again, I give him grace and I give him permission.
Alan Stein:But here's the coolest thing the keynote that I'm going to give next week. If you and I watched that three years from now, I hope I have the same stomach ache. I hope that I've made so much progress between next week and three years from now that what I'm about to give next week looks Bush league, and yet next week will be the best that I'm capable of. So we should all be so hungry and thirsty for growth and improvement that anytime we look in the rearview mirror we're like, well, what was that fool doing? And that's okay, that is a good thing. I don't want my best keynote to be in the rearview mirror. One of the coolest quotes.
Tyler Deveraux:I ever heard.
Alan Stein:Yeah, someone was interviewing Denzel Washington and they said something along the lines of what's the best performance you've ever given, and he paused for a second and he said that's easy, it's the next one.
Tyler Deveraux:Hmm.
Alan Stein:It's like wow, and you're talking about Mount Rushmore of all time actors some iconic characters and iconic movies, but he doesn't want to solidify any of those as being the best that he's ever done. His answer was the next one, and I've kind of stolen that mindset from him. Anytime someone says what's the best keynote you've ever given, I say it's the next one. And it doesn't matter if the next one is for a crowd of 50 people at a small mom and pop retreat or it's for a massive Fortune 50 brand at their annual conference. All of that is irrelevant. My performance, the next one, will be the best that I'm capable of giving, so good man.
Tyler Deveraux:I love that so much because I just had a unique experience where I'm redoing a bunch of my curriculum stuff oh cool, trainings and things like that. I haven't watched the other ones that I did, like a bunch of my curriculum stuff oh cool, you know, trainings and things like that. So I, I and I haven't watched the other ones that I did and I recorded those in 2020, 2021, right around there, and so so I look at like some of these that I'm replacing now and I look back as I'm watching them. It's like reflection, I believe, is actually one of god's greatest gifts. This is literally what I believe.
Tyler Deveraux:Because I look back, I get so focused on the. I don't celebrate big things. I really don't. I celebrate small little things all the time, but sometimes you don't look back. And what it forced me to do? I guess my point. I looked back and I was like damn, I've progressed. Yes, like I'm more confident, I carry myself different. I've progressed. Yes, like I'm more confident, I carry myself different. But if you were to ask me that before watching some of those, I'd be like man, am I as confident? Do I carry myself? Because with life comes challenges. There's always challenges at any turn and sometimes we can get so stuck into it that we don't recognize the fricking massive growth that you've had because of the challenges. And then you look back and you're like, damn. I believe it's. One of God's greatest gifts is the ability to reflect.
Alan Stein:And that's the part that we need to put our perspective on. Don't worry about how bad we thought we were back then. That's just the starting point, one of my favorites. We need to look at the ground we've covered now and where we are now, but still, as we said, be proud of that, and there's nothing wrong with having a little pride in your current performance. Just don't let that make you complacent. That's it. Just know that, yeah, the ground that I've covered from there to here. I need to make sure I cover an equal amount of ground moving forward, and we only do that by being purposeful, by leaning in, by studying, by practicing, by rehearsing, by being open to feedback, by watching the film back.
Alan Stein:I've got a new speaker reel that's coming out soon. So, in order to put that together, I've been watching hours and hours of my recent keynotes to pull clips from it. And it's the same thing. It's less cringeworthy than it was, you know, eight years ago. But there's still portions where I'm like you know, I could do that a little bit better, like Alan, you know I could do that a little bit better. Like Alan, you know, as you've noticed, and your listeners certainly have noticed, I have a very fast rate of speech.
Alan Stein:I kind of think fast and I talk fast and I've learned that when I'm speaking I have to learn to slow down, I have to lean into the power of the pause, I have to give things a moment to land Like I'm naturally kind of high energy. I have to learn how to take it down a couple notches and not put sugar on top of sugar. So these are all things that, again, it's the reason I study someone like Harry Mack, or study watch 8 Mile and see what B-Rabbit does, because I want to learn as many different ways to become a more effective communicator as possible. And it's not all through energy and brute power and talking fast, I have to learn how to slow down. And through energy and brute power and talking fast, I have to learn how to slow down.
Tyler Deveraux:And those will be things that I can look forward to working on. Yeah, and that's what's I love that you said that that's like a great way to end, that is like looking forward to working on them, not like and one of my biggest takeaways, bro, from this episode there's so many, but like from this episode is one of the I can't remember some portion. I don't even know how long we've been talking. I should probably pay attention. I just get going. Well, you get going. I listen, I freaking love it, but it's like you said something along the lines of your relationship with the past and and and your perspective of that. Right, so if I reflect back, sometimes it could hold me back, or I can reflect back and change my perspective of it, my relationship with it, which gets me to this next step, which gets me to that next level, and then that's shit, dude, that's exciting, oh so exciting.
Alan Stein:Yeah Well, let's look at time for a moment, if we have time. So we have the past, which are things that have already occurred. These are the things that are in the rearview mirror that, as we have established, are unchangeable, things that have already occurred. These are the things that are in the rear view mirror that, as we have established, are unchangeable. But through the power of hindsight and, hopefully, increased emotional intelligence and some life experience and wisdom, we can change our relationships with those things. At the time, I thought being benched as a college basketball player was the worst thing to ever happen to me and I lived a pretty sheltered life. So at that time it probably was about the worst thing that had happened to me and it was a big deal at that time, like that was my ego, that was my identity, like it really shook me up. But I can look back on it now and go that is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Same event nothing that I shared with you factually has changed, but my relationship with it can change. So that's on this end.
Alan Stein:Then, on the other end, we have people that spend a lot of time thinking about the future and, unfortunately, worried about the future, anxious about the future? Here's something really important for your listeners to understand the future doesn't really exist. It only exists in language and in our mind. You can never be in the future because once you're there, it's no longer the future, it's the present moment. So it's really, it's hypothetical, if you will. So a couple of thoughts on that, and one you'll think this is a. Hopefully you'll think this is as funny as I do. When I was in college, there was a local bar and it had a neon sign and it said free beer tomorrow. And I came back the next day thinking I was going to get free beer and you're like no, it still says free beer tomorrow. No matter when you show up, it's always going to be free beer tomorrow.
Alan Stein:I know it's a pretty genius sign, but that's the same thing with the future. Now, I believe in preparing for the future. I believe in working on ourselves to become the type of person that we want to be 5, 10, 20 years from now. But we can never actually be in the future. So the future is 100% hypothetical. So if it's going to be made up anyway, I believe in trying to assume the future is going to work out in my favor. I believe in trying to assume the future is going to work out in my favor. Why not? You said you're an eternal optimist. Me too. Why not be optimistic? You know, whether the future is good or bad is completely out of my control and I'll just deal with it when I get there. So in the moment, why don't I just assume that things are going to eventually work out, even when I'm going through tough times? So we've got the past, we've got the future. I believe we need to learn from the past, we need to prepare from the future, but most of our faculties and most of our mental and physical and emotional energy should be on the present moment, should be on what's right in front of us. You know the reason. You and I have no idea what time it is is because we are both fully present right now. We're both fully engaged and really enjoying this conversation, and it's like time just disappears.
Alan Stein:That's what being present is, and that's another basic, fundamental skillset that I think most human beings, myself included, could really work to improve. And that is being more present more often Doesn't mean you're. You don't have to be a Tibetan monk. You don't have to be present every moment of every day for the rest of existence, but can you be more present in 2024 than you were in 2023? Can you be more present in June than you were in May? Can you be more present today than you were yesterday? These, these are my kind of yardsticks that I'm trying to improve, because I believe that the only way to maximize not only high performance and execution, but also fulfillment and peace, is to be as present as possible, as often as possible, and it's it's it's one of my greatest joys when I am, but it's also, arguably, my biggest challenge. Every single day of my life, like no matter how many reps I get, being in the present moment is still really, really challenging.
Tyler Deveraux:It takes focus, it takes like an intense, like desire in today's distracted world. It just does, bro, I love how you said the future is just that, it's the future. It's not real. So if it's not real, it's all made up here anyway. Why not make up something?
Alan Stein:positive. Yeah, when you step into the batter's box, why assume you're going to strike out?
Tyler Deveraux:Why not assume you're going to hit a home run, of course.
Alan Stein:Both of them are completely made up. You have no idea which one's going to happen, so why not lean into the more favorable one and then, if you do strike out, you deal with it at that time. This is not I'm not talking about being delusional. Don't suffer for it beforehand, exactly Cause then you only suffer twice. That's something I've done more times than I can count in my life. I was so worried and anxious about something Nine times out of 10, when that thing finally arrived, it wasn't anywhere close to as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Tyler Deveraux:Yes.
Alan Stein:And so there's no reason to suffer twice. And you know as sure as I'm saying these things to you right now, these are the same things I have to remind myself of, because I'll still catch myself. One of the most important parts and I heard you say this almost verbatim and it's a line that I use, that's why I knew we were kind of brothers from another mother is none of this stuff that I'm sharing is coming from a place of mastery. None of it. I haven't mastered any of this Now. What I can say, with a huge smile, is I've made progress in many of these areas and I'm proud of the progress I've made. I am so proud that the 48 year old Allen is not the same as the 18 year old Allen. There we go. That would have been a waste of 30 years. So I'm I'm proud of that, but I'm not anywhere close to mastery. These are things that I'm getting better at.
Alan Stein:Some days, I do a great job as a father, as a keynote speaker, as a podcast guest. Some days, I do a great job with being present someday, and you know what? Some days I don't. And I'm I what. Some days I don't, and I have to learn to be okay with those days. This all comes back to owning the outcome, because the good days and the bad days, I don't put that on anybody else's responsibility list. That is all up to me. Now I don't I can't control what the world throws at me. The world's going to do what the world's going to do. But I am 100% responsible for my response to what the world throws at me, and that's the only part that I need to worry about. So we don't control almost everything in this world. I'm of the believer. The only things we control are our own effort and our own attitude. So for me, that's the things I try to double down on.
Tyler Deveraux:And when.
Alan Stein:I don't get my preferences in life which happens a lot then all I can do is change my response, and that is where I put most of my time and attention in these days. At this stage and age in my life, is being very thoughtful and intentional in my responses.
Tyler Deveraux:So good man, so good. Like I'll tell you what I just took from that is, when I'm in a struggle, when I'm in a challenge, when I'm in a, when I'm in a perspective like the world's throw whatever it's it's, you know it's going to throw at me. Like, what I just took from that is like I'm in a perspective like the world's throw whatever it's, you know it's going to throw at me. Like what I just took from that is like I'm going to start asking myself attitudes and actions. That's what I control. So where's my attitude? Where are my next actions?
Tyler Deveraux:And faith, confidence means with faith. That's literally how you break down that word. It means with faith, and faith comes from projecting the best case scenario into the future. Fear is the opposite. Fear is projecting the worst case scenario. So, like, where is my attitude? Is it projecting best case or worst case? And then, what are my actions that I can do right now? That one thing that you mentioned, that one thing that I can do right now to take the next step to making that a reality. You're bringing the future closer to the present and making that today.
Tyler Deveraux:Absolutely, bro, you are a stud man I have thanks, brother damn, dude, this was fun, but, dude, I feel, this whole time I've been like literally I want you to hear what I'm saying like this whole time I've been so grateful, like just feeling grateful. I'm like this is what I get to do today. Get out of here dude like.
Alan Stein:Well, that was one of my biggest takeaways from the eddie wilson uh episode was was gratefulness, and the lessons that he learned, I think was from his mom yes, on being grateful, especially with the passing of his sisters, and like but but still be grateful. And that is a choice that all of us have to make. And there's so many times where I understand we're feeling low, we're feeling discouraged, we're feeling low, we're feeling discouraged, we're feeling disappointed. In that moment it is hard to find things to be grateful for, but they're still there if you look, and what I like to tell people is, in that moment, still give yourself some space and some grace, give yourself permission to be in a low mood, give yourself permission to have the woe is me attitude just for a little bit, and then, when you're ready, to kind of come out of that and then you'll be able to look back and, like I said, you know you're going to be grateful that you had an investor call that didn't go well.
Alan Stein:I'm certainly grateful that I was a knucklehead in college who had a bad attitude about not playing, getting a lot of minutes, like. Those are things that we can eventually be be grateful for, and gratefulness is a choice. Optimism is a choice, you know, and, at the risk of sounding like a motivational speaker, like success is a choice, amen, because all you have to do is choose to do the things that you and I have been talking about. And my favorite part of this entire conversation is I don't even think you've looked at your note page once.
Alan Stein:No, like you do diligence and we're prepared and we have just been sitting here the entire time, fully present, having a fun, engaging conversation that I'm confident everyone watching and listening will benefit from. But I certainly know I have. I'm better for this and this was. This was a lot of fun.
Tyler Deveraux:Agreed, bro, one thing about being present like it's it's it's crazy that you went there right now because, as you said, that I'm literally. You said the gratitude part and I don't know why this came to me. Bro, I've like this. This is how I prayed my entire life, but I've never thought about this is a lot of times we sit down to pray in. I'm pretty spiritual, so I sit down to pray in. Well, I pray all the time, but it's like a lot of times people will pray just when they need something.
Tyler Deveraux:But I've always been taught to pray no matter how you start your prayer. This is how I've been taught my whole life and I never really even I swear to God never even thought about it until you just said this is you start with the gratitudes, no matter what is going on, no matter what you're praying for, you start with what you're grateful for. I've never even thought about that. It's just something that I was trained to do, but it was. It was unconscious. Yeah, like unlocking that conscious portion of that, like that just lit me up, yeah.
Alan Stein:And there's always something to be grateful for, no matter how tough times, no matter how tough things can get. There's all you just got to search for it, just like. I believe there's always a reason to be optimistic. Yeah, and a lot of people confuse. They think being optimistic means you're not being a realist, that you have this pie in the sky Pollyanna attitude, and that that's not.
Alan Stein:I believe optimism is nothing more than believing that the future is bright. The future can be whatever it is. I make it and not make it based on controlling outcomes, but make it on the thoughtfulness of my response to everything that's going on around me. So to me, that is the most liberating and empowering mindset someone can have. Is that, ultimately, you have your outcomes and you've got the events that are going on, but it's my response to them. That is the missing part of the equation. I think it was Jack Canfield that originally said it's like a events plus response equals outcomes, e plus R equals O, and the only part of that we can manipulate is the R. We can't control the events, we can't control the outcomes, but we can control our response to them, and I'm at a point in my life.
Alan Stein:That's where I'm trying to outcomes, but we can control our response to them, and I'm at a point in my life that's where I'm trying to focus most of my faculties, because what most people do is they bellyache, complain and whine about the events, and this is what's going on in the world and I don't have any control over that. Correct, you don't, but you control how you respond to that, and that, to me, is where we should put most of our energy.
Tyler Deveraux:Brother. Thank you so much, man, for improving who you are consistently so you can share who you are today and I can't wait to see who you are three years from now. Like you mentioned, and, brother, any of y'all out there if you don't already follow, go follow Alan. You should definitely buy his books. Not even a question. We'll put all those links in the show notes and then any of you who have a stage you do events. This dude needs to speak on your stage.
Alan Stein:Yes, please.
Tyler Deveraux:Dude for real though. So I don't know if you have. I'm sure you have a link.
Alan Stein:Yeah, if everyone just goes to alansteinjrcom. That's kind of the hub, the website and Speaker Real are getting a reface as we speak. I don't know when this episode will release, but it'll be out very soon. But yeah, as you and I said, man, I love to be on stage, I love to share, love to pour into others light other people's candles.
Tyler Deveraux:So that would always be an honor. Love it. Thank you so much. Yes, sir, thank you. Yeah, hey, go share this episode, go follow, go leave a review and live always Peace.