Master the Art of Happiness with Tyler Deveraux | Ep. 22

What if your path to happiness isn't as elusive as you think? Join me as I reveal my own journey from judgment to realization—understanding that everyone, including ourselves, deserves happiness. We'll explore how transitioning from mere survival to truly thriving can be achieved by internalizing these timeless principles. Happiness, just like any other skill, can be cultivated and enhanced over time, and I'm here to show you how.

Ultimately, happiness is not just an emotion but a deliberate choice. Let’s make conscious decisions together to live happier, more fulfilling lives, and spread joy to those around us. Tune in, and be ready to make happiness your new principle!

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Transcript

Tyler Deveraux: 0:08

All right, aloha y'all, and welcome to another episode of Own the Outcome podcast. My name is Tyler Deveraux and today we're going to talk about one of my favorite topics, man, which is happiness and how to man principles of happiness, how to actually cultivate it in our lives. And I'm going to tell you why I'm going to talk about this. I'm talking about this right now because, well, because of a need that I see out there and I can relate to that need so so much. Because, well, I'll tell you, when I first started in the multifamily space, I would see things that other people were doing, or successes that they had had and that I hadn't achieved yet, and I would downplay their successes. I would downplay their successes. I would downplay their successes. I would be like, well, they probably had a connection that I didn't have. They probably got gifted something here, they probably came from a wealthy family. And it was my coach who finally sat me down and said Tyler, you're one of the most judgmental mother effers that I've ever met and I'll be honest with you. I was pissed. That was like a trigger for me, because it's the last thing that I want to be. But listen, I almost felt like what I ultimately realized man is what he told me to do, by the way, is he told me to go talk to him. Have you talked to these individuals? Have you asked them what they're doing? Have you asked them how they achieved what they've achieved? And the reality was I had not, and he challenged me to go and ask them those questions.

Tyler Deveraux: 1:22

What I ultimately realized is I almost felt like I couldn't be happy until I deserved it. And since I hadn't deserved it, that played out in me downplaying the success of others. And I'll tell you what I took from those conversations with those people they were absolutely doing things that I had not done. They were absolutely doing things that I hadn't done, and it took me being honest with myself to really see that. And that was a huge turning point in my life, to actually understand that no people have things because they do things differently. It's no different with happiness. By the way. Those who are happy have cultivated principles to have happiness in their life. So today, as we go through these things, I know for a fact that they will have an impact on you, all of them, or at least one or two of them. So take notes of these as we go through and you take from this whatever you want or need to take from this. It's not my job to tell you what you need. That's your job. My job is to deliver the things that I know well, that I know that have cultivated happiness. But it's not from me, man. I will show you things that I've done, but this is from Harvard.

Tyler Deveraux: 2:23

The things that I learned here are from studying Harvard's most popular course, which is how to be happier. Think about Harvard. What do you even call that? Jeez? An Ivy league school. Holy. I obviously didn't go to one of those, okay, cause they wouldn't have made me happy. An Ivy League school, and their most popular course is how to be happier. That's taught by Dr Tal Ben-Shahar, and the principles that I'm going to teach you today are taught from his course how to be happier.

Tyler Deveraux: 2:59

So the question that I would have you ask yourself first off is how happy are you? If you were to grade your happiness on a scale of one to five, really truly being honest with yourself, overall happiness we have situational happiness, but overall happiness, how would you grade yourself and then maybe look at your situational happiness to see if that grade is in line with the reality? See, today we're going to talk about the six principles of happiness. So first, what is a principle? See, a principle is a fundamental truth that you can use to build the foundation of your life. A principle isn't an opinion, it's not a belief. It's a matter of cause and effect. Like, for example, the principle of eating healthy the effect is improved health. That's a fact. The principle of investing wisely the effect is, you see, a return. These things are facts. It's not a matter of, once again, opinion or belief. It's cause and effect. It's factual information.

Tyler Deveraux: 3:48

There's also short-term and long-term things. For example, going and spending $10 on a coffee, there's probably no real effect that that's going to have on your financial well-being, but if you spend $10 on a coffee every single day over the span of 50 years at a 5% compounding interest, well damn man, you lost out on, by the way, by investing in that. That equates to $816,000. That has an impact on your overall financial stability and wellness. So the point okay, the point of having principles in our life is that it shifts us from short-term survival to long-term thriving. And that's what. If you're listening to this, it is. That is the outcome that I know for a fact you want to own is the well then, long-term thriving.

Tyler Deveraux: 4:39

So let's go through happiness, okay, because I want you to think about it this way what do most people and it may sound silly to be like what is happiness? I know what happiness is, but think about this. Maybe the better way to say that is what will bring you happiness? Most people, if I would ask them what will bring you happiness, they would imagine things or say things like money, or this relationship, or this promotion. And then what happens when they actually achieve those things? Well, consistently, throughout all mankind, the answer is the same you return back to your baseline of happiness. So, regardless of what your baseline is currently, by the way, principles that we're going to go through today will help shift that baseline, and the underlining premise is that, well, you can learn actually literally learn to be happier. Just like you learn an instrument, or you learn to golf, or you learn how to invest in multifamily properties, you can actually learn, well, man, how to be happier.

Tyler Deveraux: 5:36

Happiness principles really come down to one basic thing, by the way, if you want to summarize it into one thing, it's working on yourself. The most important thing that you can do to live meaningfully is to work on yourself. That's owning the outcome. That's literally the epitome of it. The epitome of owning the outcome. That's what it is. Your ultimate purpose is to become the ideal version of yourself, man, like, everything else flows from there. So are you truly working on being the ideal version of yourself? And if you don't have principles to get you to the ideal version of yourself, your life is not going to get better. You know, the problems are only. They only follow you, like if you try to ignore problems, you try to avoid them. I promise you they're following you and they're getting bigger as your life gets bigger. So let's dive into principle number one. Principle number one is to focus on present and future gain. Both of these, see, happiness has to combine both pleasure and meaning, providing both present gains happiness and future gains happiness.

Tyler Deveraux: 6:38

So give an example of this A burger. Let's say that, like I go to Shake Shack, I love Shake Shack burgers Like legit. I don't know what they. Burger, let's say that, like I go to shake, I love Shake Shack burgers like legit. I don't know what they do. It's like crack. They're freaking good. That is going to produce me short-term pleasure. It's the opposite effect long-term. But on the flip side of that, a veggie burger, probably short-term benefits, but or sorry, probably long-term benefits. But short-term negative emotions, like I think that a veggie burger is dumb as shit. I hate them, I don't eat them, it's ridiculous. So I could have negative emotions in the present to get me to a long-term benefit. But why not ask better questions, like what is a meal that is both tasty and healthy? And listen, you ask better questions, you get better results. You figure what that is for you. Once again, focusing on present happiness and long-term happiness. It doesn't need to be postponed.

Tyler Deveraux: 7:33

Principle number two is to proactively create rituals or habits. If you will See routines, rituals. They actually free you up to be more creative, which sometimes we think of. A habit or a ritual is like concrete, it's like in a box. No, no, no. They actually allow more space for creativity.

Tyler Deveraux: 7:52

But I'm going to tell you, out of all these people, that Dr Ben uh Ben uh geez. Ben uh Tal Shahal, dr Tal Ben-Jahar geez uh, the most important habit of all the individuals that he studied was gratitude. That's the most important habit that they created, a habit of gratitude. They did a gratitude journal, five things every day that they're grateful for. Those of you, some of you may use our Think Bigger journal and in our Think Bigger journal, well, you list your gratitudes and you can list. The idea is to list six gratitudes Three in the morning, three at night. That's six every day.

Tyler Deveraux: 8:37

See, here's what's interesting about this and here's where this started for me. This didn't start for me when I read this lesson on principles of happiness. This actually started for me. I served a church mission. I served a mission for my church For two years. I dedicated my life to serving others and teaching the gospel. It was awesome.

Tyler Deveraux: 8:57

But I'm going to tell you what happened. I got transferred to an area. It just means I got moved to an area. That was the area that nobody wanted to go to. Like it was clear up North in Northern Ontario, cold. It's called Sudbury, ontario. Some of you may know where that's at, but it is cold as hell. It's far away from everybody else as well, so nobody wanted to go there and the attitude or the energy there was very negative from the attitude and energy of from where I was.

Tyler Deveraux: 9:22

Where I was at and I looked at my, you know, like the group that I was with and I implemented a gratitude journal. That's what I implemented. Before I knew anything really, mindset wise, I knew that gratitude made me feel better and would make them feel better, and I'm going to tell you what it did it completely transformed. Well, I call it a miracle journal, by the way. Every day, your job was to identify and we'd call each other every single day to be like what was the miracle? You saw? We'd call it a miracle journal, which is really gratitude. Things that happened throughout the day that were little miracles that would go unrecognized most days, and it completely transformed me. It completely transformed the other missionaries within that area, and then we implemented it at a. You have that area, then you have a zone level and then you have a mission level and we implemented at a zone level. Same result, mission level same result and listen, as a network level within the multifamily mindset, those individuals who use the journal. Same result.

Tyler Deveraux: 10:22

Gratitude is an absolute principle of happiness. Principle number three is to simplify, to multiply. See, definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement, especially when you know that's especially true when we're on the pursuit of happiness or the achievement of happiness. See, definiteness of purpose eliminates distractions. It eliminates distractions Like what do we actually want to get done? How do we get it done and how do we enjoy getting it done? We've got to simplify it.

Tyler Deveraux: 10:50

You know, pax, my little dude, come home from work and he's needing to do some homework. It is one hour of work tops that he has to do, but he was miserable all day because he kept getting distracted. See, he wasn't happy regardless of the activity he was doing. He wanted to play a switch. If he's playing a switch, he's thinking of his homework hanging over his head and how he may get in trouble. He's not happy doing it. When he's doing his homework, he's thinking of everything. But doing his homework, he's not happy doing it. See, making things harder, it ain't going to make your life easier. Making things harder will not make your life easier. Definite as a purpose eliminates distractions. So my question would be what distractions do you need to eliminate in your life to breed more simplicity, which will lead to more happiness? Right, you got to simplify, to multiply once again your happiness.

Tyler Deveraux: 11:46

Now, principle number four is to take care of yourself. Happiness is created in the mind, but there's absolutely a mind body connection. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, healthy eating habits, both physical um influence both physical and mental health. One of the questions that my coach asked me regularly, which in the beginning I thought it was so funny, but they would literally like send me an intake form before each coaching call. This is the coach I work with currently, and they would ask how often do you exercise? How many hours are you sleeping? Are you eating healthy? These are funny things, but listen, man, if I am getting three hours of sleep for seven days in a row, I am probably not that happy, and that's ultimately why they track it, to make sure that they can keep me accountable to actually these things of taking care of myself, which will breed happiness. Once again, the happiness principles really come down to one basic thing, which is working on yourself To become the best version of you. When you become the best version of you, everything else flows from there. Just remember that. That's the most important principle Now.

Tyler Deveraux: 12:51

Principle number five is perspective. Now, more than anything, they realize that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind. It's not the circumstance or the event that matters. It is what we choose to focus on and our interpretations of that circumstance or event that matters. You know, I was listening to I think it was a Kevin Hart audio book or a book of. I was listening to Kevin Hart.

Tyler Deveraux: 13:19

It may have been a podcast, may have been a book, I really don't know, but he gave this. I can't remember, but he gave this shoulder shrug example, and the example that he gave is how he found out he came into this life. He found out that he was a complete accident. His dad, some of you were complete accidents as well. Okay, now, what's your perspective of it? He said that his dad lied to his mom, said he couldn't get her pregnant anymore because of a bike accident. A bike accident, it was a hell of a bike accident. So when his mom found out that she was pregnant, she cried for months. She stewed. He said that she stewed in anger for months while he was in the womb. At least, that's one way to look at it. His perspective is this Life began with passion and his dad's unrelenting desire for his mom. And even though he was unplanned listen to how powerful this is he said even though I was unplanned, my mom made a commitment to have me and raise me right. That's what he said. That's his perspective.

Tyler Deveraux: 14:24

Y'all, life's a story. This is what he says in it. He says life's a story. This is what he says in it? He says life's a story and it's not only do you get to decide how you interpret each chapter, but your interpretation will write the next chapter that interpretation will lead to. That'll determine comedy or tragedy, fairy tale or horror story. Rags to riches or riches to rags right, it's how you define the story.

Tyler Deveraux: 14:48

So you can't control once again, own the Outcome Podcast. You can't control the events that happen, only your perspective of them. Y'all. We are not a victim of circumstance, we're a product of our perspective. We're not a victim of circumstance, we're a product of our perspective. Like, if you really think about this, if you really think about this, our mind just craves drama. Man, when life is peaceful, our mind will literally search for problems to worry about. How many of you know people that things are going great but they somehow obsess and find a way to fuck things up? It's because they crave drama. Your mind craves drama. Our brains are wired to search for potential threats. So the next time you feel worried, remind yourself of that. Your worries are nothing more than a fabrication of your mind's need to identify those potential threats for survival.

Tyler Deveraux: 15:37

See, true happiness is staying rooted and being here in the moment. Staying rooted and being here in the moment. That's what true happiness is. That's where it comes from. You know, if you were to list out, think about back in the moment. That's what true happiness is. That's where it comes from. You know, if you were to list out, think about back in the day, like if you reflect back something back in the day that you intensely worried about, something that you go back as many years as you need to, but something like that you intensely worried about that. You're like man. I don't know if this will ever, if I'll ever get through this, and what I will tell you is I bet that when you go back and you answer that the things that you worried about actually never happened and the things that you were actually going through, that you didn't think you would ever get through, well, you got through them, and not only did you get through them, you actually realized down the road that it was a blessing, that it was a blessing man, which brings me a blessing man, which brings me to the last principle okay, principle number six which is you need to feel the emotion but remain in control. Please listen to this. You need to feel the emotion. It's okay to feel the emotion, but remain in control.

Tyler Deveraux: 16:40

So the Buddhists believe that controlling the mind is the path to enlightenment and the definition of enlightenment? They define that as spontaneous and true happiness. So mind control is the opposite of what you may think, though. It's actually about letting go. See the Buddhist practice, what's called non-attachment. They sit, they breathe, they allow their thoughts to rise and then they pass them on. See, controlling the mind is actually a matter of surrendering to the mind. Pass them on. See. Controlling the mind is actually a matter of surrendering to the mind. This is huge for me when it came to meditation, but it's really allowing it to function as it pleases, while regulating our reaction to it. Really, let that sink. A thought comes in cool, let's throw it away. Okay, I felt that. Okay, boom, once again you can feel it, but then you remain in control.

Tyler Deveraux: 17:28

See, this reality I want to really drill this home this reality of, or this expectation, I guess I should say of the reality of constant happiness. It's unreasonable and it sets you up for disappointment. Life is going to have fear, sadness, anxiety. Trying to avoid all that will lead to unhappiness and frustration. I promise you, a happy person still has a bunch of highs and lows. This is what I want to make sure you understand, somebody, that you see that you think that person is just so, so happy they are. They've chosen to be happy. They have cultivated principles of happiness. It doesn't mean they don't have highs and lows they still have highs and lows, but their overall state of being remains positive. That's what we're shooting for here, so you need to allow yourself to feel the emotion without reacting to it.

Tyler Deveraux: 18:15

You know, the most notable thing, like I mentioned, in regards to meditation, was the point isn't to feel calm, it's to simply feel. I learned this from Gray, a yoga instructor out in Maui, and many of you have seen Gray comes to our peak partnership events and this is one of the things that he said during a yoga session. He says you know, the point of meditation isn't to feel calm, it's to simply feel, to sit idle as the feelings come up rage, fear, sadness, overwhelming mind chatter, whatever it is. Then, regardless of how triggering those things may be, you remain in control. You feel without reacting and you train your mind. That's how you train your mind. In other words, you don't find happiness once you've mastered every challenge. That only reinforces the idea that you're not happy until everything's perfect. Once again, back in the day when I couldn't be happy until I had everything here. That's a recipe for disaster man. You change your life when you can be happy until I had everything here. That's a recipe for disaster man. You change your life when you can be happy right now, even though you have a lot of work left to do. You can be happy right now, even though you have a lot of work left to do.

Tyler Deveraux: 19:20

I'm going to tell you a quote as we wrap this thing up, which is this one I'm going to read Okay, it's from Dr Tal Ben-Shahar. He says. I'm going to read Okay, it's from Dr Tall Ben Shahar. He says who wants to get this happiness? Course, he says, attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination that we deem valuable. Happiness, therefore, is not about making it to the peak of the mountain, nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain. Happiness is the experience of climbing towards the peak. Happiness is the experience of climbing towards the peak.

Tyler Deveraux: 19:57

Y'all, every single one of us listening to this, and myself, who's saying this we have a lot of work to do. None of us are nowhere near the peak. We're climbing a peakless mountain, continual progression. You and I have a lot of work to do as people, as an organization my organizations have a lot of work to do. We're nowhere near the peak, but what sets us apart, what will set you apart, is the ability to be joyful regardless. Please understand that. What will set you apart is your ability to be joyful regardless. Please understand that what will set you apart is your ability to be joyful regardless, something I strive for every day. Doesn't matter what's going on, I'm going to be joyful regardless.

Tyler Deveraux: 20:37

We do that by well by finding ways to experience happiness in the short term and the long term. We do this by proactively creating habits like miracle or gratitude journals, eliminating distractions, taking care of ourselves, shrugging our shoulders, you know, choosing to keep a positive perspective regardless of the circumstance. Sure, feel the emotion, but, my friends, we remain in control by choosing not to always react to the damn emotion, man. All of this, by the way, allows us to be grateful, and when we're grateful, fear and frustration are replaced with abundant possibility. When problems arise which they will, they're absolutely going to freaking arise. We don't get stuck in magnifying those things. Instead, we magnify listen to this please we magnify our gratitude, dude, because we have the unique abilities to solve those freaking problems. That's powerful, yo. Once again, happiness is what sets us apart, both in our ability to experience happiness and our ability to help others do the exact same thing, which is experience happiness.

Tyler Deveraux: 21:43

Happiness is a choice. It's a principle. To live by. Working on ourselves is the cause and happiness is absolutely the result. It's a choice. Y'all I love y'all Choose to be happy. Choose to be happy. It's a choice. You can learn it. I promise you. I love you. I worry about every single one of you all the time and your happiness levels, and I hope that you take these principles, you apply them, and I would love to know how they impact you in a positive way and how they helped you become more happy. If you found value from this, you know what would make me happy your choice to leave me a review and share this episode. Man, share this episode, leave a review. That's how I reach more people and it's all I want to do, man. That's literally all I want to do. I just want to impact as many people as I can, because I also believe a key to happiness is helping other people be happy. Love y'all, man Live always with loha Peace.