From Stress to Smiles: Mastering Challenging Interactions

Step into the heart of human connection with "The Art of Dealing with Difficult People: A Journey of Growth and Laughter," a captivating new episode of ABGW - Amazing, Brilliant, Gorgeous, Wonderful. This time, Cheryl, your compassionate conductor, guides you through the labyrinth of challenging interactions, transforming them into opportunities for personal evolution and joy.

Embark on a path less trodden in trauma and stress recovery, where Cheryl's soothing voice is a beacon, illuminating the shadows and infusing your journey with light-heartedness. Today's exploration tackles a universal challenge: dealing with difficult people. From the relentless boss to the irate neighbour, these characters are woven into the fabric of our lives, but fear not, Cheryl has a trove of strategies to help you navigate these tricky waters with grace.

Meet Alberta, a titan of industry whose life was a symphony of productivity until a mental breakdown halted her relentless march. Discover her transformative encounter with Cheryl, a mental trauma coach and clinical hypnotherapist, and witness Alberta's journey to embracing mindfulness and the myth-shattering truth about multitasking.

In this episode, Cheryl unravels the power of Empathy, urging us to consider the hidden struggles behind someone's demanding demeanour. She shares pearls of wisdom, like giving others (and ourselves) a break, responding with kindness, and using the magic of humour to disarm the most challenging situations. Learn how a simple smile or a shared laugh can turn the tide in your favour, creating connections and defusing tension.

We're reminded of the importance of perspective, from Atticus Finch's timeless advice to the fascinating communication of honeybees. Cheryl recounts personal anecdotes, like her revelation with a colleague named Jenny and the transformative power of kindness with a grumpy café customer, illustrating that behind every 'difficult' label lies a human story.

This episode is a treasure chest of strategies, from finding the silly side of tense moments to the 'no finger-pointing game,' which turns blame into compliments. Cheryl encourages us to seek humour amidst the chaos, as it can transform the direst situations into cherished memories, much like her 'comedy camping adventure.'

Supported by Her Guru, where potential awaits discovery, Cheryl's wisdom is a call to action. Embrace these strategies, be patient with yourself, and watch as your relationships blossom into something truly amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, and wonderful.

Join us for an informative, informative episode brimming with warmth and wit. Please share it with those navigating their own challenging interactions, and stay tuned for more empowering content from ABGW. Until next time, remember that your resilience is not just a trait; it's a powerful force that shapes your life. Goodbye for now, and may your inner strength guide you through every interaction with grace and a smile.

Episode References
Her Guru
http://herguru.co.uk
To Kill a Mockingbird
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Kill_a_Mockingbird
As Good As It Gets
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119822/
Rush Hour
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120812/
Little Miss Jocelyn
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Miss_Jocelyn
Forrest Gump
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109830/
Ego is the Enemy (Book by Ryan Holiday)
https://ryanholiday.net/the-ego-is-

Disclaimer: https://herguru.uk/disclaimers/

Transcript

A simple shift in perspective could transform some challenging interactions into opportunities for growth

>> Cheryl: It. I wonder how a simple shift in perspective could transform some of your most challenging interactions into opportunities for growth and laughter. And you know what? If the key to navigating people lives not in changing them, but in changing how we respond to them? Really? Let's go exploring. Hello and welcome to ABDW. Amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful. I'm Cheryl, your host on this delightful journey towards healing and self discovery. Guess what? You are in a safe place. We're going to start exploring some of the path less traveled in trauma, stress recovery, bringing light to the darkest shadows and joy to your journey.


Today we're tackling the difficult topic of dealing with difficult people

Today we're delving into a topic that is challenging as it is common dealing with difficult people. We've all been there, haven't we? Whether it's an infuriating boss, a stubborn colleague or a grumpy neighbor, it seems like these characters are a staple in the story of our lives. But don't worry, I've got some strategies up my sleeve to help you continue navigating these tricky waters. Have you met Alberta? No. Well, let me introduce you to her. Uh, this episode of ABGW is brought to you by her guru, exploring the potential within. Her guru provides both physical and mental fitness coaching. You can find out more details at Herguru, UK. In the heart of London's bustling cityscape, Alberta was known as a titan of industry, a manager whose reputation for relentless efficiency preceded her. At 44, Alberta's life was a whirlwind of meetings, emails and deadlines. She had never believed in laziness, always viewing herself as a beacon of productivity, a real taskmaster who could juggle multiple responsibilities with ease and poise. Her team at the marketing firm, um, respected her, but often whispered about her, that unyielding expectation that she had. Alberta, however, wore her work ethic like armour, believing multitasking was not just possible but necessary. She was unaware of the stress accumulating within her, a silent burden growing heavier with every passing year. One fateful Thursday, the walls Alberta had meticulously built came crashing down mid presentation. Her mind blanked, her, uh, heart raced uncontrollably and the room spun. It was a mental breakdown, loud and clear, witnessed by a room full of wide eyed colleagues, confused and in denial, swirling within her during the weeks that followed. How could someone like her, always in control, succumb to such a collapse? It was during this turmoil she was introduced to Cheryl, a mental trauma coach and clinical hypnotherapist. What a cool lady Alberta is.


Empathy is all about changing perspectives. So let's start with our first pearl of wisdom

So let's start with our first pearl of wisdom. Give them a break. Because to me, it's so, so easy to label someone as difficult. I mean, I know from personal experience I've been called difficult. And it's not nice because I'm not a difficult person. I don't think so. But have you ever stopped to wonder, uh, what's behind the behaviour that you have decided to label as difficult? Maybe you're judging more than you realize. Because for me, empathy is all about changing perspectives. It's that game change gin mindset that helps us, um, not to judge, but be more realistic. Um, let's remember what Atticus Finch said in to kill a mockingbird, about walking in someone else's shoes. Because isn't it all about perspective? And isn't it nice to know that when we think of perspective, we can think about how things change in nature? Like how honeybees communicate their feelings to each other? Because for me, it's quite fascinating. And it reminds me of a scene in. I think it's the film as good as it gets, where Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt begin to work together to build their understanding. And when they do that, it transforms the relationship. Okay, that kind of brings me back to a similar situation a few years ago. I had a colleague, Jenny, let's just call her Jenny, um, who was. Always. Seemed to be snappy and distant. I remember everyone in the office found her difficult, to be quite frank. And then one day, I saw her alone in the break area, looking rather upset. Um, taking a deep breath, I decided to ask if she was okay. And the thing is, it turns out that she was going through a tough divorce and was struggling to manage her two kids. And the thing is, this revelation changed everything in that moment. What was so, so cool is we started chatting regularly, and I learned so much about her challenges. And one of the things this reminds me is how important it is to give people a break. We get so wrapped up in how other people make us feel or how we think they make us feel. Um, but that's not always the case. We have to remember that people are going through their own issues, and we need to give them a break. But the thing is that, because you never know what they're going through. And the thing is, that means you have to give yourself a break, too. You have permission from me to give yourself a break because you're a human being. You're not a human doing so. Allow yourself to be human.


Killer Cheryl says kindness can disarm even the grumpiest person

So, moving on, let's tackle how responding differently can change the game. So kill them with kindness. So it might feel satisfying to snap back and being mean to someone. But, you know, kindness has the power to disarm. The reason why I'm giggling is because I'm thinking about all the times where I have used kindness as almost like a sword to cut through all the rubbish and completely disarm someone. It's to me, it's like fighting, um, fire with water instead of more. Know mark Twain pull it beautifully when he said that kindness is kind of that universal language. And isn't it nice to know about the behavior of animals in nature? I was thinking of, um, dolphins, how they behave in such a way towards other animals in the sea. I don't know if you've ever noticed it. I was really lucky to notice it when I went on a trip to Egypt and we went dolphin watching and we saw how dolphins will help out other animals. They're not just nice to dolphins. It's really weird, isn't it? Because us humans, we find it hard to be nice to each other. Um, but we're quite happy to look after our dogs and our cats. But other humans, for some reason, we find that really difficult. It's interesting because it's about nature teaching us valuable lessons because we can see them in real life. And when I think of, um, being in contact with that beautiful size of our nature, that simple act that creates such a ripple effect of positive change. And it's so easy to do. It just takes a little bit of intention. Oh, that's just like the time at university when I was dealing with a particularly different customer at, uh, a cafe I used to work at. Sometimes he would complain about everything from the coffee being too hot to the music being too loud. He was actually quite annoying. And I remember one day I decided to just kill him with the kindness. I remember greeting him with the biggest smile, which is really hard for resting. Sad face. Cheryl. And I remember just giving him some extra attention. I suppose I was flirting with him a little bit. And to my surprise, his demeanor didn't change over time. It changed immediately. It was so surprising. He even left a generous tip that day. And I remember him saying something like, you've made my mornings better. And I was like, weird. But the thing is, it was a real life lesson in how kindness can turn even the grumpiest person around.


Finding the silly side in difficult situations is a lifesaver for couples

So let's add a bit of humour to our strategy, shall we? Finding the silly side in difficult situations, for me is such a big lifesaver. And laughter isn't just, uh, a medicine for the soul. We already know that it's a powerful tool to build the relationships that we want to have. I remember Charlie Chaplin knew the value of a day filled with know. Apparently on his film set he used to be cracking up all the time. And you think most of his movies are silent. So can you imagine how many takes they would have had to have taken just to stop all the laughter and silliness that was going on? It kind of reminds me of, um, the film. What's the name of the film? The film with Jackie Chan and Chris Rock in rush hour. That's it. Rush hour. Rush hour. One, two and three. And, um, I remember at the end of the film, they show all the outtakes, know, maybe Jackie Chan hurting himself as he was doing a stunt. Know them two cracking up. And I remember there's a, ah, moment where they're filming and Chris's phone rings and it's his mum. And he hands the phone to Jackie Chan and you see Jackie Chan talking to the mum saying that they're still filming and that they need to call him back at 07:00 p.m. How mad is that? So it just shows you that even when we are professional actors like Chris and Jackie are, we can still look at the silly side of things. And that is just, to me, a perfect example of finding joy amidst all the seriousness of our work. Amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful, helping women just like you who are unhappy, perhaps even with your supposedly quote unquote good life. This is a mum and daughter duo, not, ah, pulling any punches as we explore trauma recovery and ideas for building resilience. So you work smarter and definitely not harder to create a transformational life, a life you love more often than not. You know, let's take a moment because this kind of takes me back to a similar situation I had with my late aunt, who I love dearly. My aunt and I used to argue a lot, um, when I was growing up, very similar age, almost like a big sister to me. And I remember one day during a particularly heated argument, I remember we were on a trip to Bath Spa and we saw a dog walker with a dog walking. Um, yeah, the dog had a sock on its head. And, um, we couldn't help but burst into. I mean, we kind of looked at each other and then we burst out into laughter because it was so absurd what we were seeing. And I remember that moment taught me that you can notice the silly side of things, intense situations. And it's funny because now whenever my partner and I have, uh, an argument, which we do a lot, um, one of us recalls a comedic scene from Jocelyn. You probably know her as little Miss Jocelyn. She's a Nigerian heritage female comedian. She's so, so funny. And we end up laughing and giggling instead. Because finding humour has become our secret weapon to diffuse the tension that we have. And it's curious. Just take a moment. I wonder what would happen if you had a kind of secret weapon that you used, um, comedic secret weapon that you used with your partner to diffuse any tensions in the home. How different would your life be?


No blame approach can help shift blame culture from blame to collaboration instead

All right, let's shift, uh, a gear a bit here and talk about how we can approach conflict. Maybe, as I said before, and, you know, pointing the finger is such a natural reaction, especially when we feel that maybe we're under attack, but you know, that it's also not helpful. Um, and I personally try and think about this a lot, taking that no blame approach, because I know that when we do that, it clears the air and it leads to actually better know. It kind of reminds me of what Eleanor Roosevelt said about consent and feeling inferior. Um, because to me, those are both powerful reminders that we need to look for better solutions. We need to remember that we're dealing with other people that may have similar issues to us. And did you know octopus can taste with all their tentacles? Imagine that perspective. Can you imagine being able to taste twelve different things at the same time? To me, it's a beautiful illustration. The power of seeing beyond our biases and just accepting situations for what they are. That's a bit like, um, a time a few years back. Um, my family planned a big reunion. And as you can imagine, organizing such an event is stressful. And, um, it kind of know with the blame game starting. And I remember my cousin Mike then suggested we play the no finger pointing game. Anytime someone started to point the finger of blame, they had to compliment the person instead. And it turned into a fun challenge. And surprisingly, um, it made our planning sessions more productive and less accusational. And I try and deploy that now. Whenever I want to scream at someone, I try to think of a way to compliment them instead. Because to me, it's a simple yet effective way to shift my mindset, and maybe even yours, from that blame to one of collaboration instead. So changing that blame sort of culture that we have in society to one that's much more productive in collaborating with people to get the things that we need and they need. What is that again? Two plus two equals five. Everyone benefits from avoiding blame.


Finding humour in the midst of chaos can transform difficult situations into happy memories

Let's move on to how we can find humour in the midst of chaos. So finding comedy in chaos can, to me, can transform a really difficult situation into something that's not only just bearable, but enjoyable as well. And I'm thinking of situations where I've been sitting with a client and it's been really tense because they may have felt as if they're not entirely sure what they want. And I know that just me bringing something random sometimes into the situation that humour reduces the stress and brings a new perspective. I'm thinking of, um, times here where I've been on um, holiday, I've been on a vacation and just changing my view of something has just completely changed how I've interacted in that situation and how I felt. I'm thinking of um, the film Forrest Gump and how humor is literally interwoven into the fabric of every challenge forest faces. Interestingly, that reminds me of something in my life, um, when I was with my husband and we had this disastrous family camping trip. I mean, anything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. And I remember my husband suddenly starting to narrate our mishaps like it was some sort of comedy show. Um, it was funny because the tent had collapsed. Um, we'd accidentally flipped all our pancakes into the mud. And it was funny because he found a funny spin on every disaster. His humour that day was so contagious. And soon, uh, we were all in fits of laughter and giggles. Um, it's funny because this trip, which could have been remembered as a complete disaster, is now fondly recorded as a comedy camping adventure. It's all good. And it shows us how finding the comedy in chaos can turn even the worst situations into such happy memories. Cheryl's office was a stark contrast to the corporate world Alberta had been accustomed to. It was serene, a space that seemed to slow time itself. Initially, Alberta was sceptical. How could talking and listening help someone who had always been a doer? But the thing is, Cheryl's approach was different. She listened, truly listened, and gently guided Alberta towards understanding her own mind. Through sessions with Cheryl, Alberta began to unravel years of self-imposed pressure. She learned about the dangers of chronic stress and the myth of multitasking. Cheryl introduced her to mindfulness, the art of being truly present in the moment, whether at work or at leisure. It wasn't an easy journey. Alberta struggled to let go of her old self, to embrace the concept of a new her, uh, of doing one thing at a time. Yet, as weeks turned into months, she began noticing changes. There was less chaos in her thoughts, fewer moments of overwhelming anxiety. She began to understand that being present in what she was doing, regardless of the task nature was the key to true productivity and peace. Alberta, uh, transformed her approach at work. She encouraged her team to focus on single tasks to make moments for themselves. The change was palpable. The office became a place of calm efficiency, a testament to Alberta's new philosophy. The story ends on a Sunday morning. Alberta, once unable to sit still without thinking of work, is now found amazingly enjoying her garden, the sun gently warming her face. She's not planning her next project or checking her emails. She's simply sitting there, savouring the fragrance of her blooming roses, the chirping of the birds and the soft whisper of the breeze. In this moment of tranquillity, Alberta smiles a genuine, contented smile. She has found her balance, embracing the power of being present, a lesson she would, uh, have carried on in every aspect of her life. Isn't it interesting? Because one of the things that I particularly found useful having met Alberta is the realization that we all need mentors. Um, I really, truly do believe that. Especially after reading Ryan Holiday's ah, book ego is the enemy, where he talks about the need of us all having people that we're looking up to, people who are roughly at the same level as us, and people that are looking up to us to make sure that, uh, we keep our egos in check. And I remember when I first started as a hypnotherapist I felt completely out of my depth. In fact, I kind of felt a bit like a fraud. Uh, and then I remember reaching out to a more experienced acquaintance. I'll call her Dr. H for advice. And we met and we still meet regularly. We used to meet every month and she would share her experiences and strategies with me. I remember calling them wisdom sessions in our Google calendar. Um, and I just remember finding them incredibly valuable for me. I believe that they are not only help me improve my practice, but also help me boost my confidence. And isn't it good that a real life lesson in the power of seeking wisdom from those who have walked the path before us? And there we have it. We've gone through seven strategies to help you handle difficult people with grace and humor and a bit of wisdom. And remember, every interaction is just another opportunity for growth and real connection. So go ahead, try these out. Be patient with yourself and watch your relationship start transforming. Until the next time, keep taming those lines and finding the joy in every interaction.


ABGW explores trauma recovery and resilience with this episode

Thank you for joining us in our journey exploring trauma recovery and resilience. Helping you create a life you love more often than not. I really hope this episode resonated with you because we all know difficult people, so please share this inspiration with your friends and stay tuned for more empowering content from ABCW. Amazing. Brilliant. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Remember, your resilience is not just a trait, it's a powerful force that helps shape your life. So as we part ways for now, may your force be with you, guiding you, and strengthen you every step of the way. Bye for now. Close.