In this episode, we're allowed a view into the raw and unfiltered journey of Tracy Todd-Heine—a story of courage, despair, and ultimate triumph. Tracy's life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, starting with her birth as Tracy Lian Sinclair, a name that belied the challenges she would face.
At 28, tragedy struck, and a freak accident left her paralysed, shattering her identity as an athletic, marathon-running teacher and mother. The road to recovery was fraught with darkness; Tracy grappled with despair, questioning the worth of her existence. But from the depths of her despair emerged a resilience born of sheer determination. With the unwavering support of her loved ones and community, Tracy embarked on a journey of self-discovery, reclaiming her identity and purpose. Today, she stands as a testament to the indomitable human spirit—a mother, wife, speaker, and author.
Join us as we navigate the highs and lows of her journey, exploring the raw, unvarnished truth of her remarkable story!
Find more information on Tracy’s website at http://www.tracytodd.co.za, or follow her on social media @bravelotusflower.
Her book can be ordered via bravelotusflower@gmail.com, or through her publisher at https://traceymcdonaldpublishers.com
INSTAGRAM & FACEBOOK @castandthecurious
www.curiouscast.co.za
shoutout@curiouscast.co.za
In this episode, we're allowed a view into the raw and unfiltered journey of Tracy Todd-Heine—a story of courage, despair, and ultimate triumph. Tracy's life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, starting with her birth as Tracy Lian Sinclair, a name that belied the challenges she would face.
At 28, tragedy struck, and a freak accident left her paralysed, shattering her identity as an athletic, marathon-running teacher and mother. The road to recovery was fraught with darkness; Tracy grappled with despair, questioning the worth of her existence. But from the depths of her despair emerged a resilience born of sheer determination. With the unwavering support of her loved ones and community, Tracy embarked on a journey of self-discovery, reclaiming her identity and purpose. Today, she stands as a testament to the indomitable human spirit—a mother, wife, speaker, and author.
Join us as we navigate the highs and lows of her journey, exploring the raw, unvarnished truth of her remarkable story!
Find more information on Tracy’s website at http://www.tracytodd.co.za, or follow her on social media @bravelotusflower.
Her book can be ordered via bravelotusflower@gmail.com, or through her publisher at https://traceymcdonaldpublishers.com
INSTAGRAM & FACEBOOK @castandthecurious
www.curiouscast.co.za
shoutout@curiouscast.co.za
Ron: In this episode, we're allowed a view into the raw and unfiltered journey of Tracy Todd-Heine a story of courage, despair and ultimate triumph. Tracy's life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, starting with her birth as Tracy Lian Sinclair a name that belied the challenges she would face. At 28, tragedy struck and a freak accident left her paralyzed from the neck down, shattering her identity as an athletic, marathon running teacher and mother. The road to recovery was fraught with darkness. Tracy grappled with despair, questioning the worth of her existence. But from the depths of her despair emerged a resilience born of sheer determination. With the unwavering support of her loved ones and community, Tracy embarked on a journey of self-discovery, reclaiming her identity and purpose. Today, she stands as a testament to the indomitable human spirit a mother, wife, speaker and author. Join us as we navigate the highs and lows of her journey, exploring the raw, unvarnished truth of her remarkable story. Tracy, welcome. How are you, my friend?
Ron: How is your day looking?
Tracy Todd Heine: It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining after we've had rain and cloud for a few days. Much needed rain, I must say, in the Lowveld the sun is shining brightly. I'm in my lounge, my dogs are lying at my feet sitting here chatting to you. Perfect day.
Ron: Absolutely perfect day! And even if it was raining, I have to say we're so fortunate in the Lowveld that any weather we get looks beautiful with our surroundings. It's not like London where if it's a cloudy day, everything seems dreary.
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: So I've got so many questions that I'm going to be diving straight into them. But what I always love doing before really knuckling down and asking any difficult questions is just get a nice overview of life let's look as far back as we can; Tell me about your childhood. Where did you grow up? What did family life look like?
Tracy Todd Heine: So I had a really happy childhood. I grew up in Pretoria, in the suburbs, spent my life playing in the veld. In my neighborhood I was the only girl, so I became a real tomboy so I could play cowboys and Indians and went on foofy- slides and did crazy things in the bush. Built little forts and yeah, I just had a real happy, carefree childhood. Out on our bikes. From sunrise to sunset.
Ron: Oh, wow.
Tracy Todd Heine: And just, freedom that, we don't know anymore.
Ron: We should have grown up in the same neighborhood because I was the same kid. I was the loner who always spent time in the veld. And
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: I was a little arsonist. I don't know why fire fascinated me. I think this is a it's a kids thing. Most
Tracy Todd Heine: Definitely.
Ron: kids are fascinated by fire and in Gauteng I know what you're talking about. Those velds,
Tracy Todd Heine: The veld fires?
Ron: they get so dry
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: that it's so tempting to set a match to a piece and just watch it burn and then play fire fighter and keep it under control.
Tracy Todd Heine: We did it, too. To be honest with you. And then especially the wooden logs, would burn for days afterwards.
Ron: And it's
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: fascinating
Tracy Todd Heine: you sort of.
Ron: to
Tracy Todd Heine: Oh,
Ron: see
Tracy Todd Heine: absolutely.
Ron: that. It's like it's being in a science class, but in nature.
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: To be honest, I still don't understand fire. Even as an adult, it still
Tracy Todd Heine: But
Ron: fascinates
Tracy Todd Heine: yet we
Ron: me.
Tracy Todd Heine: are still
Ron: You
Tracy Todd Heine: fascinated and attracted to it.
Ron: and your family life. Are you part of a massive family where everybody didn't fit around the Christmas table? Or are you like me where you could literally fit the whole family around the Christmas table?
Tracy Todd Heine: No. A small family. Mum and dad, brother and myself. That's it. We had one set of grandparents that we saw from time to time. They lived with us for a while. Yeah, so a small, family.
Ron: That's almost exactly the same as my family. And you know how rare it is to encounter people like that. Normally, I revel in people's stories of families so big you can't keep track of everyone's lives.
Tracy Todd Heine: Okay?
Ron: And I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: the odd one out, so now I know you're in this same position.
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: We should combine families for Christmas. We should
Tracy Todd Heine: we
Ron: have
Tracy Todd Heine: should.
Ron: a second Christmas together. Okay. And then in that line, if you're looking back to yourself as a little girl, what was your biggest dream to become when you grow up?
Tracy Todd Heine: I think I always wanted to be a teacher. I used to set out my dolls in my room and then pretend to teach them. So I you know, I think I was a born teacher, which is exactly what I became one day. And I just always wanted to be that.
Ron: Oh, wow.
Tracy Todd Heine: I loved school. I loved my teachers. I loved my friends. I loved being at school. Yeah, I always
Ron: I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: loved
Ron: so
Tracy Todd Heine: school.
Ron: happy to hear that, because I think more often than not, because that's that's how life works. We sort of tend to focus on the negatives and omit
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm
Ron: the positives. You
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm.
Ron: hear a lot of negative stories about school and people's experiences at school. It's so nice and refreshing to hear that you loved it and your teachers were great and you
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm
Ron: had friends who supported you and you had fun.
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm.
Ron: That's wonderful.
Tracy Todd Heine: Definitely had lots of fun at school.
Ron: And it's so beautiful - this is a throw forward, not a throw back - but to know that you can still now live that dream of being a teacher, is something that really warms the cockles of my heart. And you get to do it in such an organic way now.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes! A different way. Yeah, my teaching experience has gone from being in a grade two classroom with a maximum of 30 children to, you know, the world, with the advance of technology.
Ron: Isn't it beautiful how life works when
Tracy Todd Heine: It
Ron: you.
Tracy Todd Heine: is.
Ron: When you least expect it. It turns out in such a beautiful way.
Tracy Todd Heine: Definitely.
Ron: Okay. So now let's get to the book because I'll be straightforward, honest. You wrote the book a while ago, and I was part of the publishing process, and it was such a privilege. And I still have your book, and I still have the little kiss that you made in the front with a stamp. And it's so special. But do you know that I knew I do not have it in me to read your book and it actually lay on the side of my bed for YEARS! I am not
Tracy Todd Heine: No.
Ron: kidding
Tracy Todd Heine: Ron
Ron: you. I did
Tracy Todd Heine: Are
Ron: not.
Tracy Todd Heine: you serious?
Ron: I did not have the courage to read it. And I knew that if I'm going to talk to you, I better read this book. So a few weeks ago, I say to myself,
Tracy Todd Heine: My hat!
Ron: okay, this is it. I chose a Saturday and I read your entire book from cover to cover in one day. And I was, as I expected, a complete emotional wreck.
Tracy Todd Heine: I can't believe that you designed the most amazing cover for my book without reading it.
Ron: Oh.
Tracy Todd Heine: How did you do that? And not know
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: my story!?
Ron: no. I had to. I had to because I knew that I was going to be a wreck. But it gave me such a different perspective because you think you know your friends and you think you know the people in your life and you think you know
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: someone's story until you get down to reading from their own perspective, in their own words, looking at life through their eyes.
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: And it turns any concept on its head, no matter what the book is about. And your book, if I had to summarize it; yes, it's about an accident. And yes, it's about being a quadriplegic. And it's about all the dark things that go with that. And it's all the triumphs that come after. But I think through all the difficult things one reads in your book, there's always this golden thread of hope and perseverance and survival and love and support and family and coming out the other side
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: so well done for taking such a difficult - because it's one thing to take a difficult concept and
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: writing about it in a way that pleases people or that omits certain details or doesn't tell the full story, doesn't paint the whole picture. You took this opportunity to write in the clearest language, painting the most detailed picture of your life and what you went through for people to really experience it as though they're there next to
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: you. So well done. Have you always known that you were going to write a book even prior to your accident? Did you feel like writing is something that you're going to do?
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely not. I was a Grade 3 teacher. I never considered that I could even have the qualification to write a book? And I only really considered wanting to write a book after my accident. And my little boy was still so small I realized then how short and fragile life was, and I thought, you know, if if I had died in the accident, my little boy would never have known me because he was ten months old
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: at the time of the accident. And I just thought, I realize I could die at any moment. And who would be there to tell him about his mom and tell him about who she was? And so that's the reason why I wanted to write it. So that's why I started writing it. But it took years because I first had to learn how to use a computer. I had to to learn how to use voice activated technology on the computer. Then all these doubts come in and you think, "Oh, you know who's going to want to read what
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: I've got to say?"
Ron: Imposter
Tracy Todd Heine: And I don't
Ron: syndrome.
Tracy Todd Heine: even know if I can say it in a way that people want to read it. And because I've always been an avid reader, I loved reading, I always loved words, but didn't ever imagine that I could write myself. Then I actually did an online writing course and another one and went into a mentorship and eventually slowly gained confidence. I had a blog and so, you know, got confidence slowly and then eventually managed to get it into publishable format, as you know, and then went down the road of self-publishing to get it out there eventually.
Ron: That's incredible, because I honestly thought that you were going to say "Yeah, sure, writing was a thing I did for fun!" because one of the questions I had was the writing's so detailed and it offers deep insights into certain experiences and certain timelines. It feels like we're reading excerpts from a diary and yet there was no diary. So my question is, how did you
Tracy Todd Heine: Uh,
Ron: how did that come about? How did you remember such vivid detail?
Tracy Todd Heine: you know, um, I think when you go through any kind of trauma, it's amazing what detail you do remember. And it was a very traumatic time. And and I think I knew that if I didn't if I was not brutally honest and if I wasn't completely transparent, what would be the point of writing the book? You
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: know, everybody knows of somebody that's in a wheelchair or a quadriplegic or paraplegic. They don't really know what it's like inside their lives because those people don't generally let anybody into their life because it's you feel like you've lost all dignity. And it's it's not easy to, like, put all the details out there. But what was the point? I needed... I wanted to bring the people out there into my world to prove to them that I'm not as different as everybody thinks that I am.
Ron: Exactly.
Tracy Todd Heine: And also to create an awareness that this can happen to anyone at any time and that, you know, that we all need to be more aware of it because universally we need to coexist together.
Ron: Hmm. Absolutely. That's the reason for this show and others like it. That's the reason for your book is there's always the aim of connection and community. I think in modern day lifestyles, we isolate so easily and we think that our journeys
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: are unique and we think that we can do everything on our own and by ourselves. And sure, it's a great thing to be self-sufficient and independent. Those those are good qualities, but they can just like positivity, they can be toxic. So it's about
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct?
Ron: having a balance. And
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: you strike that balance. You are brave - funny enough, 'Brave Lotus Flower' - You were brave to invite people in like this because it takes a lot of courage. I haven't even opened up about my journey wholly and entirely on the show
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: because I'm not I don't feel courageous enough to do that. I don't think I trust myself enough or that format enough or people enough to open
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: up in such detail. But you did it. You said, you know what, let's just do this properly and thoroughly.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think we feel judged and we always feel like we're not good enough and we're always putting ourselves down aren't we? And I think for me, especially after my accident, oh, every time I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. Because when I saw myself as so weak and pathetic, because I was this strong, physical, sporty person, and when I, you know, every time I looked at myself in the mirror after that, I felt the complete opposite to what I aspired to be. And I had to learn to love myself again and respect myself again and realize that I was enough. And, you know, so that was a long journey and process that I went through and eventually had the ability to put myself out there, and thought, "I need to connect with everybody, and the only way to connect with someone is to be brutally honest."
Ron: Absolutely 100%.
Tracy Todd Heine: Ash.
Ron: Okay. So this is a good point at which because maybe there's someone listening thinking, huh? Who, where, what? I must read this book. So tell people about the book. Tell us about why you called it 'Brave Lotus Flower rides the Dragon' I know the answer, but I love when you tell it. And just without giving away too much of the book. And I'm also going to be strict about not asking questions that flay the book open. I want people to read the book for themselves. But just
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: give us a nice idea,
Tracy Todd Heine: Just.
Ron: an overview of what the book's about and where the title comes from.
Tracy Todd Heine: Okay. So the title came about when I was doing an online writing course and we were thinking about a title with my writing tutor at the time. And I've always believed that you live up to your name. So believe it or not, the name Tracy in England means 'Brave'. And my second name is Lian 'L-I-A-N' which
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: is of Chinese origin, and it means 'Lotus Flower'. And I think my journey has been very similar to that of a lotus flower because the lotus flower seed germinates in the muddy sediment of the swamp water, and then it pushes up through the murky water to seek the light where it finally blossoms. And I think my whole journey since being paralyzed has been very similar to that of the lotus flower, and then obviously 'Ride' - I ride through life on a battery powered, chin-controlled wheelchair. And 'The Dragon'. So the dragon is paralysis, which I haven't managed to slay, but I've managed to make peace with it, to live alongside it. And the other inference of Dragon in my life is the voice activated software that I use on my computer and used to write the book is actually called Dragon, naturally speaking.
Ron: That's incredible that the whole title of the book presented itself in such a natural way.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: And unlike - because I, from graphic design background, one of the rules is to not make something so convoluted that it needs an explanation. That's the general rule. But with your book title, the book almost doesn't sell itself without the explanation. You want that explanation. So
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: just seeing the book title already compels somebody to pick it up and say, "What is this about? This is such a unique title!"
Tracy Todd Heine: It is a unique title, but I was also worried that it was such an airy fairy title that people would think, "Oh, it's a it's a fantasy novel" or
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: something. And I don't even read fantasy. I don't like fantasy. So if I've seen that title, I don't even know if I would have picked the book up. But I think the fact that you've put me in my wheelchair on top of the dragon. Your design was just brilliant. Just brilliant. Yeah. And I loved that.
Ron: So the book takes us on a journey - doesn't necessarily take into account much of what your life was like before the accident. There's lots of reference to it, and you get
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: sort of a sketch of your life before the accident. But definitely the book focuses on how your life changed, what happened after the accident, what rehab looked like, and then what transpired in your life beyond the accident. Just give us - short of saying "Sell the book!" but do sell the book because I want people to go out and buy it. And what's nice is that you have it available in e-book format. Is there an audiobook?
Tracy Todd Heine: No, unfortunately not.
Ron: I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: It
Ron: going
Tracy Todd Heine: was
Ron: to come
Tracy Todd Heine: just
Ron: sit
Tracy Todd Heine: too
Ron: with you
Tracy Todd Heine: pricey.
Ron: and we're going to go and we're going to record the audio book ourselves. And we're going to do
Tracy Todd Heine: Well,
Ron: it.
Tracy Todd Heine: then we should, because I think there's a need for it. But, you know, to actually do it yourself is just too pricey. And because I self-published it was already a big expense.
Ron: Okay. Well, then it's on our to do list, our bucket list. Its going to happen! But tell us about the e-book and the printed book. What do people have to look forward to when they buy the book?
Tracy Todd Heine: So basically I take you on a journey through my life. And yes, It feels like that started at a specific point the day I was paralyzed from the neck down. But yeah, just the whole journey and how I actually managed to make peace with that dragon and just live alongside it and hopefully give hope and encouragement to everybody out there, because I think one thing in life is that, you know, the dragon that I'm riding, the paralysis dragon is very visible because when you see me, there's this big wheelchair with a chin control and you can't miss me.
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: But everybody out there is riding a dragon in life, just like you are, you're riding your own dragon. And and I think we can learn so many skills from each other just because mine's a physical burden and somebody is fighting a spiritual or a emotional burden. You know what? We can learn so many skills from each other, coping mechanisms. And, you know, that African proverb "Takes a village to raise a child."
Ron: Mm.
Tracy Todd Heine: It takes a community of 'Earth Angels' to enable a quadriplegic like me to live a full, meaningful life. And if I can, then we all can. And I think the lesson is we need each other. We are from birth taught to be independent. You know, you start crawling and walking and running and then you want to start driving. And we are taught to be physically mobile and active and independent. So, yes, I might not be physically able to be independent, but are any of us independent? We are actually interdependent.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: We need each other to function in life.
Ron: That's so beautifully put. Well done. And I love the term Earth Angels. I feel like that's a whole society and an organization that you also have to start. But we'll get to that. Well, we'll put that on the list, along with doing the audio book, I promise! We're going to take a quick break. And then when we come back, we're going to dove into some detail about the book. I've got some questions.
Ron: All right, we're back. And now I want to dig into detail, I promise not to splay open the book too much so that people still have something to look forward to. And I if you saw my list, you would have such a belly laugh at the amount of stuff I wrote down that I thought I was going to talk about, but we would be here until the cows come home. So I'm not going to do that. I just distilled it down with the help of AI - I said to ChatGPT, "There's no way I can choose between these questions. Here they all are, I'm going to turn my head away and you're going to choose the ones I ask!" And that's exactly what I did.
Tracy Todd Heine: Perfect. Perfect. So let's
Ron: So
Tracy Todd Heine: see what AI wants to ask
Ron: let's
Tracy Todd Heine: me.
Ron: see. No, luckily I went through it. It's totally still my questions, They're just nicely ordered. So I admitted to having a - I wouldn't say I had a difficult time reading the book. You know, what the book did for me was remind me of human experience. And like you just said
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: before the break, everyone's human experience and experiences of trauma is sure it's unique, but it's universal in the way it affects us. And my therapist
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: had a very nice way of reminding me to not be hard on myself, because I used to do that. I used to sit and say to her, "What is wrong with me? Why am I depressed? This is ridiculous. I sound like a cliche ask. I'm a
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: I'm a white man. I have all these privileges. I have a family who loves me. I've got so much going right in my life. What's wrong with me? What about the guy living under the bridge? He has more right to be depressed than I do!" And she said to me, "Ron, you and the guy under the bridge don't live the same life, but you both experience trauma the same way."
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm. You also don't live the same reality
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: and You experienced trauma the same way.
Ron: So that was my question is people might find this an emotional journey to read, I think it's very important that they do. How do you feel about the impact of your story on readers? Was that one of the aims of the book and especially those who resonate deeply worth your experiences? Let's say others who are in a similar position read the book and resonate deeply. Was that the aim? Was there 'an aim' with the book? Or was the aim just to be true to you and true to your experience?
Tracy Todd Heine: I think that's yeah, I don't know if there was a specific aim. It was probably a combination, but I definitely didn't want the book to be all doom and gloom,
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: and I think that personality definitely comes through. I definitely still have a sense of humor and that kind of stuff. So I just wanted to be real - true to me and just be real - somebody that people could relate to, whether you are paralyzed from the neck down or not. I feel that I don't have the authority to represent any other quadriplegic out there
Ron: Sure.
Tracy Todd Heine: because our injuries are so unique.
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: The way you become paralyzed, your spinal cord, everything inside your body is so unique that you can't actually... no one injury is the same as the next one.
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: So I don't feel that I wrote the book to represent that community. If they can get something out of it that's great, but if not, that doesn't matter either. For me, it was my journey, my experience and my ability to allow able bodied people into my world to give them a window into what it's like. But without wanting that sympathy - I hate sympathy - uhm, more compassion and more awareness
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: and just more, you know, "If she can, I can."
Ron: Absolutely. Beautiful! And it's
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: so striking. It's striking throughout the book, especially when you write about things that people could feel sympathetic about or empathetic about. You don't write it in a way that elicits pity. You write it in a way that puts it plainly and bluntly and paints a picture. It's just like walking through a gallery. If you walk through a gallery with the right mindset, every painting will speak to you because you're going to try and understand it from the artist's point of view. And it's the same with an author, and it's the same with your book.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: If you take in what the author wrote when they wrote it, instead of trying to superimpose it onto somebody else's life, then you get more from the book.
Tracy Todd Heine: And I think that goes for music, song lyrics, poetry, words, authors, painters, artists. If you can experience it through that person's eyes and that person's lived experience, then you've done well, you know,
Ron: Exactly.
Tracy Todd Heine: the author or the artist has done well. Yeah, so thank you for the compliment.
Ron: I've got too many. So I'll try and not compliment you at
Tracy Todd Heine: No
Ron: every
Tracy Todd Heine: please
Ron: at
Tracy Todd Heine: don't,
Ron: every
Tracy Todd Heine: afraid
Ron: bend!
Tracy Todd Heine: got a big head, hey!
Ron: Hahaha!
Tracy Todd Heine: When we load me into the car - so, I have a Ford Tourneo van that has a ramp, and I have to go up the ramp into the car, but I have to tilt my chair all the way back so that I can actually fit into the car. And then everyone always says it's because I've got a big
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: head.
Ron: Uh, well, that's a good trait then!
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: You're still proud! That's a good thing! That reminds me of one chapter in the book, and I'm totally jumping ahead now, but you brought it up, and it's worth having a quick chat about that first experience you had as a quadriplegic trying to travel on a plane. I had so many moments
Tracy Todd Heine: Oh.
Ron: reading that chapter thinking, "Oh, my word, I would have completely - people would have
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: heard me from the start of the day to the end of the day. I would have sent emails to every executive at the airline telling them of this experience!" But you, from what I gather, handled it very well. And you just you shrugged it off
Tracy Todd Heine: It.
Ron: your shoulders and you went about with life.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think the thing is that I already attract so much attention. So if I'm going to make a big scene, then there's going to be more attention attracted, and I don't like to be the center of attention. I don't like everybody staring. And they automatically do because I look different. But yeah, I love flying. I loved the experience. And I wanted my care assistant that was with me to experience it in a positive way. And with me causing a scene, it just wouldn't have been a positive experience for her. So, you
Ron: 100%.
Tracy Todd Heine: know, you sort of like zip it and bite your tongue and worry about
Ron: But
Tracy Todd Heine: it later.
Ron: the irony is and I know that's why you wrote the chapter, because I sat shaking my head so many times during that chapter, it went from the experience with the airline to the experience with the ship and the crew of the ship and the accommodation on the ship. I thought, can this possibly have happened to one person during one trip? And she's the center of attention! They're inviting HER to come and talk!
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes, absolutely. And it all happened. It was
Ron: Oh.
Tracy Todd Heine: it was crazy. But but, you know, there's always good and bad in every experience. And you just think - I mean, I think I put it in the book - when you're sat out on that deck overlooking the ocean, it's the little things the
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: little things that bring you joy and comfort. And you just think this was worth it. The effort was worth it.
Ron: Oh wow.
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm an
Ron: in
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm
Ron: a
Tracy Todd Heine: a nature lover like you are, Ron
Ron: yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: so, you
Ron: It's
Tracy Todd Heine: know, I get a
Ron: so
Tracy Todd Heine: lot
Ron: important.
Tracy Todd Heine: of my joy and comfort and inspiration just from being outdoors.
Ron: I know just recently you guys went to Kruger. Would you say that's one of your favorite places to go? Do you
Tracy Todd Heine: The.
Ron: have a favorite place in nature or is it any place in nature?
Tracy Todd Heine: No, definitely. I'm a Bush girl. I'm a bush baby. I love being in the bush.
Ron: Amen
Tracy Todd Heine: Um,
Ron: Sister!
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm not - I love the ocean - but, if I had to choose between the two, the bush wins every time! I'd rather go into the bush.
Ron: Hands down. Without
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: a doubt.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think animals just watching their behavior and the way they interact teach you so much about life!
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: I love it. I
Ron: A
Tracy Todd Heine: love it.
Ron: friend once said, "But there are animals in the ocean too!" I said, "Yes. I can't sit and watch the animals in the ocean!"
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly. Exactly.
Ron: unless I scuba, but I'm not there yet. So maybe
Tracy Todd Heine: It's
Ron: one day.
Tracy Todd Heine: maybe one day.
Ron: Okay, let me just get myself back on track. I derail so easily. Got so many just so many questions. But let's talk about the initial difficulties because you thought going into this new life that it was rather cushioned. You had a partner who supported you. And I read those chapters and thought, "Oh, wow, how beautiful to have such support." I didn't see coming what came.
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: So without giving too much away, I'm going to ask you about that heart wrenching part of the story where your marriage breaks down and there's a custody battle over your son. How did you navigate those challenging times and what kept you going?
Tracy Todd Heine: I think that was probably the toughest time of my life ever. But having said that, just remember that I'm giving my age away. But back then, there was no internet.
Ron: Mm.
Tracy Todd Heine: There was no social media. Very few people even had a mobile phone. So you know what? Living in the Lowveld, as beautiful as what it is, we're very isolated from the city and the support and whatever. So it was a traumatic tragedy to happen to a young married couple with a baby. So although we had lots of friends and family around supporting us, nobody in our friendship group or family group even knew about a quadriplegic was
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: our lives hadn't been touched by anything similar. I don't even remember seeing a person in a wheelchair before I was paralyzed. And if I did, it was probably an old person. And then you automatically assume, "Oh, but that's the cycle of life you're going to end up. You
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: know, some people end up like that.
Ron: I
Tracy Todd Heine: So I didn't
Ron: mean.
Tracy Todd Heine: I wasn't even aware if people like me could even exist and live. So how can I expect it of anyone else? It was just such a dramatic change from being able to do everything for yourself and being physically active and sporty to not being able to move anything except my head has a huge ripple effect not only on me, but on your immediate circle
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: of people around you. And so
Ron: Absolutely.
Tracy Todd Heine: everything the relationships just crumbled because of the stress and the trauma and everything. And so the relationship just didn't make it through. But I think for me, what was hard is that society automatically assume that I was now useless and worthless because even while I was still in hospital, the headmaster of the school where I taught came very proudly to tell me, "Oh, Tracy, such good news. The Department of Education have decided to medically board you!" And after he left, I thought, "Oh shit, I've just been fired!"
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: Nobody even asked me if I wanted to continue teaching or if I can teach. They just assumed: "You're paralyzed now, you can't be a teacher anymore. You must go and sit at home and feel sorry for your self" So that was the first shock to the system. And then I assumed - I just thought, you know, my relationship with my husband was on such a physical level. We ran together, horse rode together, played hockey together. Everything was so physical. We lived on a farm. I didn't imagine how he would be able to handle it. And, yeah, in the end the whole breakdown of the relationship was all that pressure and then with the custody thing, obviously automatically society assumes, well, she's paralyzed, she can't look after her child.
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: But you know what used to upset me intensely is that the drug addict, the alcoholic mother,
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: they can have their children! The abusive mother can have their children because, you know, the law was on the mother's side, but all of a sudden, when you are paralyzed from the neck down "Oh no no, it's not a good idea to leave the child with her mother, because you know what happens if there's an emergency?" What's happened if there's an emergency in any household? You rely on people. I
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: had to rely on people to be with me. I needed full time care. Yes, I had that in place. So I think for me, that was just the toughest time, the breakdown of the marriage. He was no longer my husband. I've come to depend on him for everything
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: which was a terrible thing as well, because the boundaries became so blurred
Ron: Sure. I mean, but
Tracy Todd Heine: and.
Ron: hindsight's 2020. You didn't know this
Tracy Todd Heine: Is.
Ron: at the time.
Tracy Todd Heine: We didn't know that. And we didn't have the finances and the means to employ people to actually physically look after me, you know? So everybody stepped in and then I woke up one day and I thought, no, I need my friends, I need my family. I don't want them to be my caregivers. And that's where that mindset change came in and I realized I need to employ people to take care of my physical needs so that the other people in my life can still continue with those relationships as they're supposed to be. And I think it was too late, sadly, for my marriage already. And, you know what, I lived a whole life before the age of 30, Ron, because I got engaged at 25, got married at 26, had my son at 27. I broke my neck at 28. And just before I turned 30, I was divorced, living alone in a house with one care assistant.
Ron: That's
Tracy Todd Heine: And I
Ron: crazy.
Tracy Todd Heine: just had that year on my 30th birthday and I thought, what just happened
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: in my life? Just like, wow, I felt like the carpet had been pulled from right under me. And, yeah, I got into a deep, dark place. I got very depressed, definitely circumstantial depression. I,
Ron: Of course.
Tracy Todd Heine: I considered
Ron: That's what I was
Tracy Todd Heine: committing
Ron: just going to ask
Tracy Todd Heine: suicide.
Ron: you saying. Thank you for bringing it up because it's a difficult topic always to bring up, but it's
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: literally written down here and I thought, I'm not going to skim over it because it's so important for other people to hear it. It's not important to talk about it and publicize it and try and do something about it just for the sake of talking about it. It literally is to save another life. Suicide touches all of us in ways
Tracy Todd Heine: All
Ron: we
Tracy Todd Heine: of us.
Ron: never see
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm
Ron: coming. And
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm.
Ron: how did you handle those moments of suicidal ideation? There's a chapter in your book, I saw the picture so clearly of you rolling down the street and deciding this is the day. And then your caregiver comes and runs
Tracy Todd Heine: To
Ron: to.
Tracy Todd Heine: switch off my chair! Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there were many times I just thought, what is the point of my life? I don't want to live. Who's ever going to love me again? We're not meant to go through life alone! I felt so alone. There was this constant tussle between ex-husband and myself over my son. And I just thought, it's not fair on him. I want to see him. He wants to move on with life. It was just such a difficult time and so obviously being paralyzed from the neck down. I can't help myself to a tonne of
Ron: I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: pills and put
Ron: sure.
Tracy Todd Heine: myself quietly to bed. I can't put a gun to
Ron: But.
Tracy Todd Heine: my head. So the only other option I could think of was, well, I could drive my chair in front of the car or a truck.
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: It was a mission to try and get out of the gates, you know, and managed to convince a care assistant that I was going up the hill to visit a friend.
Ron: I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: And when
Ron: sorry.
Tracy Todd Heine: she
Ron: It's funny. We have to laugh about these. I'm sure
Tracy Todd Heine: switched
Ron: you laugh about it often, thinking I
Tracy Todd Heine: not
Ron: can't
Tracy Todd Heine: to.
Ron: even bloody commit suicide without it being a thing.
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly! I needed help. And then when she saw me going down the hill. I don't know. Thank God. She thought, no, something's up. And she ran after me and said,
Ron: Stay.
Tracy Todd Heine: where am I going , I said just leave me alone! And she could see by then I was in a state. I was crying.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: She switched my wheelchair off, and then she forced me to come back into the house. And she phoned my very good friend. And this friend said to me, she said, "If you ever, ever consider committing suicide again, you phone me. I will come and fetch you and I'll leave you alone next to my pool. Then you can drive your wheelchair into my pool and drown yourself. But how dare you think about driving your wheelchair in front of a truck or a bus? What about that driver
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: of that truck or bus!?
Ron: Isn't it funny?
Tracy Todd Heine: How dare you!?" and I looked at her and I thought, "Oh! I didn't even think about that. How right are you! Like, and I'm not a selfish person in that way. I would
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: never
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: have wanted to impact anyone else's life. But
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: because I was in such a deep, dark hole, I could not even think for a
Ron: Mm
Tracy Todd Heine: second
Ron: hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: how me doing such a selfish thing would affect their lives and their jobs and their families. And after that, I just thought, well, that is it. There's no other way out. And then I thought, Hmm, the pool story... my luck, I'll push my wheelchair into the pool. The wheelchair will sink and I'll float! So that's not gonna work!
Ron: Oh.
Tracy Todd Heine: And then I'll be stuck with no wheelchair either.
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: And then I'm going to be screwed.
Ron: Lord. That's so
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: funny.
Tracy Todd Heine: I
Ron: It's
Tracy Todd Heine: needed
Ron: no
Tracy Todd Heine: to get
Ron: good
Tracy Todd Heine: over
Ron: to
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: laugh
Tracy Todd Heine: one.
Ron: about this stuff. I mean, we can't just be sad and be overwhelmed by these topics.
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: It's a part of life. And how are we
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: going to help other people if we don't have conversations about it and if we can't have a laugh about it? But that friend of yours? I forget her name. Please remind me.
Tracy Todd Heine: Henda!
Ron: Henda! Every time
Tracy Todd Heine: Amazing.
Ron: I. Every time I read about Henda, I just felt this warmth. And I thought to myself, "We all need a friend like Henda!"
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah. She cuts to the chase. She calls a spade a spade, and she doesn't feel sorry for you - if you're paralyzed from the neck down, get on with life. And that's
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: exactly, exactly the type of friend I needed. So she was in my life or is in my life still for the right reasons. And, you know, she's definitely an Earth Angel and Earth Angels don't necessarily have to be those people that are cooking you dinner or doing this or doing that - just not taking your nonsense,
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: you know, putting you straight! You
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: need those friends and your life.
Ron: 100%? No,
Tracy Todd Heine: You know.
Ron: it's it's fantastic. Sometimes therapists come your way without you knowing.
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely. So once again connecting with people on so many different levels. You need to connect with people and they help you through so many things, you know? She's probably not even aware of how much she helped me, even though I've told her and it can never be underestimated the impact of her words on me that day.
Ron: Absolutely. And now that we've spoken about Earth Angels. We've mentioned it once or twice. Please explain to people your concept of an Earth angel and as much or as little as you want to just run through some of the earth angels in your life, because I so want to give them a little bit of light during our conversation.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think for me, an earth angel is a human being that gives selflessly
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: of their time. What is your most precious gift you can give anyone?
Ron: You.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's your time, and they give selflessly of their time to support me in so many different ways. I mean, I've got so many earth angels that help me with my hair and my makeup and my nails and cooking and whatever. I've got my full time care assistants - They are - no amount of money I could ever pay them
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: would be able to repay them for what they do for me, because they give up time away from their own families and their own children and friends to be here with me 24/7, even though they do work shifts, its not easy being away from home. I mean, how
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: many of us want to work in a job where you sleep away from your family and friends, you don't want to do that. So yes, they're willing to do it and they do it with a smile on their faces. And I could not do the job that they do because
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm not the easiest. And and yet they're there for me. So they are my number one Earth angels. And then obviously your family, your close family, my parents, my brother, my sister in law, my nieces, my son, all of those special people in your life that are there because they love you.
Ron: And
Tracy Todd Heine: But.
Ron: the people who choose to stick around in your life. Those
Tracy Todd Heine: The
Ron: are
Tracy Todd Heine: friends
Ron: the Earth angels
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: that
Tracy Todd Heine: she is
Ron: we
Tracy Todd Heine: to stick around,
Ron: have to
Tracy Todd Heine: obviously.
Ron: mention, because they are people who are there for you. When things are going great and as soon as things become a little difficult, they just shy away.
Tracy Todd Heine: Often people do that. But a true Earth Angel won't do that.
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: You know, and that's where I just feel that, there are many. And we live in a beautiful part of the country and a beautiful part of the world. But I have to say that, maybe it helped that I grew up in the Lowveld, but the Lowveld is full, full of earth angels, amazing people. And many of them I don't even know, because they'll give of their money or their talents or whatever. You know, I've been very, very, very blessed and very
Ron: It's
Tracy Todd Heine: fortunate.
Ron: so true. I think that's very true of most smaller towns and cities in South Africa. I guess that's true across the globe. I think in cities, it's very easy to become sucked up in that metropolitan
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm
Ron: lifestyle and being completely
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm.
Ron: independent and ignoring
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: the people around you where we're so lucky, even though we're a capital city, it's still a town, it's a little town. And most people know of each other and there's a support system.
Tracy Todd Heine: That's it - its a support system. So I always said I would never leave my hometown because of my support system. I don't think I'd be able to replicate it anywhere else.
Ron: It's true. I've seen it numerous times. There's this wonderful sense of community where people when you least expect people to be helpful, they go the extra mile and it blows my mind.
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely. It's it's incredible. It often makes me feel guilty to think that I wasn't so aware of people's needs when I was younger before my accident, where I could have helped out physically. And I didn't. I feel that I was actually almost selfish, and
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think most of us are. So those people that give of their time so selflessly. I mean, all of them. And I'm grateful for them. And I think what I was going to say after 25 years those people are still in my life and that says a lot. So obviously
Ron: Well.
Tracy Todd Heine: humans by nature are selfish, I think. If they don't get anything out of a relationship, I don't think they'll stick around. So I must be giving something back in my own way to those relationships to keep them coming back again and again and again. And I think that's so important for us all to realize that relationships are about give and take all the time.
Ron: 100% and we don't always know the ways in which we give! That's why it's so important to tell people when they've meant something to you, when
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly.
Ron: you love them. Because people need reminding and you also need reminding of why you invest in certain people in your life. They bring out parts of you that would not have been highlighted if they
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct?
Ron: weren't in your life.
Tracy Todd Heine: I also read something interesting just this week that said, you know, our lives are so different to what they were supposed to be. We were supposed to grow up in villages where all the people are supportive and help each other. So when the pregnant lady has just had the baby, who's keeping her up all night and crying and got colic and whatever, the rest of the people in the village step in - the mums and the cousins and the sisters help with the cooking, help with the other kids, help with the washing. But now a woman falls pregnant, has the baby, and everybody's wanting to know when are you going to be back at work? You've got to drop that baby with some stranger
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: and
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: you've got to be back at work. And it's just like chaos. And no wonder people are suffering from psychological
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: trauma and tragedy and stuff because it's too much for us to deal with. Life is just going, going, going, going, going. And there's all these expectations on us to be perfect and to do everything! Where that's not how we're meant.
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: We are wired to live in villages with support for each other and be there for each other when the time arises.
Ron: Absolutely.
Tracy Todd Heine: That's what I believe.
Ron: I really hoped that COVID and lockdown would have caused a bit of a global awakening in
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: this
Tracy Todd Heine: it
Ron: in this
Tracy Todd Heine: did
Ron: aspect.
Tracy Todd Heine: it to a certain extent. But I feel that this year particularly, it's gone back tenfold
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: to what it was before!
Ron: Isn't that funny?
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: I just this morning saw a clip. I'm sure you've heard the term, 'Silent resignations' or 'Quiet resignation'. So people they so
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: unhappy and they've been pushed so hard by the organization that instead of just quitting, they silently do only what their job description tells
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: them to do. Instead of going above and beyond and listening to every request and working nine hours that they're not paid for. This is their form of silent resignation. But now, apparently it's a new thing that's rearing its head. There's silent firing where companies up the ante. They don't want to fire somebody because there are all the implications of firing
Tracy Todd Heine: Nooo!
Ron: somebody, that they upped the ante and pushed these people to the brink so that they resign by themselves.
Tracy Todd Heine: The sad thing is, by the time they resign by themselves, there are emotional, psychological wrecks.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: that's the sad part. You know.
Ron: So it is sad that we've gone sort of backwards a bit since lockdown, but I think it'll as with everything, it's kind of like when an ocean has a storm and the waves are crazy, it dies down within a day and things pan out again. But
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: they are countries that lead the way by form of example, where the four day work week is a consideration in some European countries - it's already a thing in Greenland - and time away from work to spend those initial important months with a newborn that you just mentioned.
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: I don't know how that isn't a thing in society. Only people who have not had a child of their own, or who have not seen a child - being born, coming into the world, being introduced to the house, are learning to get to know its parents, learning to get to know its own body - only people who have not seen that would expect a mother or a father to go back to work within weeks.
Tracy Todd Heine: But yes, we expect that. Society expects it. It's what happens. You know, I mean, if you think about it, maternity leave for most people is only three or four months, it's not nearly enough.
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's hectic. All the changes that have happened in a lady's body, in your household. Everything. It's, like, hectic. But anyway, that's just an example that we don't live in the village anymore. We live in the rat race - on the rat
Ron: Sadly
Tracy Todd Heine: wheel!
Ron: so. And that's
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: why I love that you bring it full circle and say we still have a little bit of village life in places like the Lowveld
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: and you can see it in your day-to-day, and I'm so happy that you have these earth angels. Speaking of, there's one chapter in the book, and you've already mentioned how much you love flying. I loved when you wrote about the experiences with micro lights and helicopters, but the one the one I want you to talk about is the one where the flight turned out a little bit more interesting than you anticipated.
Tracy Todd Heine: Ah. You mean when I went banana
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: shopping!?
Ron: yeah, that one!
Tracy Todd Heine: So I was feeling down in the dumps for the umpteenth time. And a friend organized a flight for me with a mutual friend in a helicopter. And I thought, "Oh, great, that's just what I need. I love flying!" And, you know, we were flying above the Hazyview area, just looking down on the farms and the water and the wildlife and it just so beautiful. And then all of a sudden I said to the pilot, I can smell something burning. He looks, he says, "Hmmm, no, it all looks okay.
Ron: Typical
Tracy Todd Heine: And then.
Ron: casual pilot.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah. then all of a sudden there was this alarm that went off and the engine cut. And I said,
Ron: I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: "What's
Ron: not.
Tracy Todd Heine: happening? Are we going down? Are we going down!?" And he wasn't answering, I said, 'Are we going down!?" And he said, "Yes!" Anyway, he managed to get that helicopter down via auto rotation - he was very skilled. But we basically crash landed into the banana plantations in Hazyview! And I remember the farmer coming along on his quadbike to see if we are okay because he was sitting on his veranda after church and he saw the helicopter going down in this banana plantation!
Ron: Can
Tracy Todd Heine: So he
Ron: you
Tracy Todd Heine: came
Ron: believe
Tracy Todd Heine: roaring
Ron: it?
Tracy Todd Heine: down his quad bike and they had to actually cut down one of the banana plants to get my door open. And he gets the door open and he said, "Come, let's get out." And I said, "Um, I can't get out. I am paralyzed. I can't get out!" "Oh," he says, "Okay, just wait here!" Off he goes to fetch his bakkie - his double cab. They managed to pick me up and literally throw me in the back of that double cab,
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: but we survived. It was hectic. It was scary. I had a friend's daughter who was busy writing matric in the helicopter with me. They'd gone overseas and the daughter was staying with me so she could learn for matric and and write exams, and here I've got it on a bloomin' joyride on a helicopter while she's supposed to be studying, without their permission. And my
Ron: It's
Tracy Todd Heine: son
Ron: Murphy's Law.
Tracy Todd Heine: and my son, he was four years old at the time, was also in the back of that
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: helicopter.
Ron: I forget he was with you!
Tracy Todd Heine: And as we were going nosediving down I looked back at him and I just said, "Chaddy, I love you. Just hold on!" and after we were all down and there was dust all around, he says, "What just happened, Mum? Did we crash?" I said, "Yeah!" He says, "Oh, good! Now I can tell my teacher about news on Monday!" 'Cause every Monday at school they had to tell news and this poor child had nothing to tell. Now
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: finally he had something to tell.
Ron: oh, oh. Good on you, Chad,
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: for finding the golden lining.
Tracy Todd Heine: the funny thing is, the teacher didn't believe him True as nuts she phoned me.
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: "Is this true!?" I said "It's true!" Yeah.
Ron: Flip. Does he still remember that to this day?
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely. I don't think any one of us will ever forget that day. It was a miracle. It was a skilled pilot. So I'm one of those cockroaches, Ron! I just don't die. They come back again and again and again.
Ron: it is funny. It's just so Murphy's Law that you would have an accident and then you would also, just like happenstance, have a crash in a helicopter. Like, who does that happen to?
Tracy Todd Heine: Well, the cockroach of the Lowveld! I'm one of those that just don't die, you know? I mean, so it was the car accident, and it was a helicopter accident. Then I got COVID - that Delta version where a lot of people very sadly died and, well, it didn't take me. I landed up in hospital, but, um. Yeah, I'm still here to tell the tale
Ron: But
Tracy Todd Heine: again.
Ron: yes, but I mean, it's it's worth a laugh. And it is very funny because it's ironic. But have you ever turned that on its head and said to yourself, maybe people are fortunate for having you around because no one around you dies when these things happen. You didn't lose anybody in the car accident. You didn't lose anybody in the helicopter accident. And no one around you got COVID as a result of you having COVID and died as a
Tracy Todd Heine: It's
Ron: result.
Tracy Todd Heine: very.
Ron: Am I right?
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly, exactly. So I don't know. But the interesting thing is that after the helicopter accident, one of the pilot's patients told him that he needs to stay away from me because I attract death!
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: Can you can you believe it? Yeah. So I found that very strange.
Ron: And yet you don't. You've
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: never
Tracy Todd Heine: it
Ron: attracted
Tracy Todd Heine: was
Ron: death.
Tracy Todd Heine: not actually death, but maybe bad things. I don't know.
Ron: No, I don't think so. I think life happens. Life is always going to happen. There will always
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: be car crashes and there will always be helicopter crashes and people usually die. But
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly.
Ron: for some reason,
Tracy Todd Heine: But, you know,
Ron: you survive
Tracy Todd Heine: some.
Ron: and you keep inspiring people around you.
Tracy Todd Heine: But some people say it like, can so many things really happen to one person? And I also start thinking like, really like, when is this going to end? But, you know, is life exactly what you're saying? I
Ron: It's
Tracy Todd Heine: don't
Ron: life.
Tracy Todd Heine: believe that, you know, that there's any destiny or anything like that. I just believe
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: that life happens. And sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. And we just have to go with it.
Ron: It's
Tracy Todd Heine: It
Ron: what
Tracy Todd Heine: is
Ron: you
Tracy Todd Heine: what
Ron: make
Tracy Todd Heine: it
Ron: of
Tracy Todd Heine: is
Ron: it. Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: absolutely as such, like have been reckless or gone out of my way to get into those situations - I've just been living,
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: you know?
Ron: Absolutely. No, I still I'm still having a laugh at the fact that you taking this matric on a joy ride thinking, "Oh, no, nothing will happen. No one will know."
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah. And then I had to phone her mother because she was too traumatized to write her exam the next day, I
Ron: And
Tracy Todd Heine: had to
Ron: of course.
Tracy Todd Heine: phone her mother and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, but this is what happened!" She eventually got an opportunity to write her exam, and all turned out okay. But, you know, I felt very guilty because we actually should have had the parents permission.
Ron: No, of course. But you know what? It's again, it's life. Because
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: otherwise we normally would go through every day ticking all the boxes and doing everything right, and all we really living then?
Tracy Todd Heine: And I think we don't go around thinking; "What can go wrong!?"
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: We're just thinking, "Wow! What an opportunity! We got a guy in a helicopter! Who
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: gets those opportunities!? Let's
Ron: Who
Tracy Todd Heine: go.
Ron: gets those opportunities?
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: Yes. You were probably
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: thinking that you were probably
Tracy Todd Heine: it.
Ron: thinking if I ask her parents for permission, not only does she have to study, they'll also be worried about her being in a helicopter. She's going to love this experience. It might be the first time she goes up in the air.
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: I
Tracy Todd Heine: it
Ron: want
Tracy Todd Heine: was.
Ron: to do this for
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah,
Ron: her.
Tracy Todd Heine: absolutely. So, you know, I think that's what's the beauty of life is we well, I think maybe if you're not one of those constant worriers - that's the 'o' not with an 'a' - but you just actually live life and grab every opportunity. And you can't be thinking about the negative stuff, what could go wrong because, you know, worries like in a rocking chair, they say, you know, it goes on forever.
Ron: I love that. Yes, it can go on forever.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah,
Ron: You can spiral. I
Tracy Todd Heine: exactly.
Ron: saw the most beautiful thing a few days ago about regret and about how regret is the single most senseless thing that anyone can have. Because you will always
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: be presented with choices in life and
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: you will never, ever know. No one will ever know how the other choice might have turned out. So having regret
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly.
Ron: is completely senseless.
Tracy Todd Heine: It is. But for some reason, we do. We torture ourselves. We punish ourselves. And we always live with those things. But I agree with you 100%.
Ron: It helps. It's these tools and, you know, it's tools that are everything. Emotional coping mechanisms,
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: the good ones, not the bad ones. Although what's 'good and what's 'bad' in life, hey, you can get really deep with this. But if you have these skills, if you can turn a thought on its head and you can look at something from another perspective
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: that's already so many steps ahead of somebody who doesn't choose to see the bright side.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct! Correct.
Ron: And that then brings me to the question of this whole journey of self-discovery. It was it was thrust upon you, and
Tracy Todd Heine: But.
Ron: you accepted it with - well, initially not with grace, but as we all learn, we learn grace.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct?
Ron: We learn acceptance.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: And it was profoundly moving. And how did you, in those dark moments, find hope and resilience?
Tracy Todd Heine: You know, I think for me, probably my son, you know, the sad thing is that as a parent, you are expected to be the strong one and the one to carry your children through those times. But yoh, that little boy, he carried me through so many hard times when he used to look at me, I could see all he wanted was for me to be his mom. And
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think that's where I got my courage and my strength from just because I needed to do it for him, you know, and then also for your loved ones. They look at you, you can see they still want you to be here. And I think things happen in your life and make you think back. But - a story; One of my close friends, her daughter was involved in an accident. And she said to me the whole way to the scene of the accident, she said, please God, don't let my daughter be like, Tracy, please, please don't let daughter be like Tracy. And then her daughter actually died. And she said to me after she said, I wish I never said that because
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: I'd rather have my daughter like you than not at all.
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: And that's was a wow moment for me. And I thought, okay, you know what? That's exactly what my parents feel. It's exactly what my son needs. He needs me. He doesn't need me to do physical things with him. He needs me to be
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: there for him.
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: Listen to him. Talk to him. Guide him. Love him.
Ron: But I mean, physical things - I just initially
Tracy Todd Heine: Overrated.
Ron: during. Yeah,
Tracy Todd Heine: Perforated.
Ron: well, it's overrated. It is. Most of the things that we think we should or ought to be able to do are overrated.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: But just in terms of your current physicality, I thought to myself somewhere during the beginning of our chat today, how remarkable; The last time you and I sat and had a cup of rooibos, I noticed that you had to much more frequently - then than now - much more frequently you had to take a moment to get a breath. I'm guessing that was for your diaphragm to relax or contract in
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: order for you to be able to speak naturally. And
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: already since
Tracy Todd Heine: So.
Ron: then, just listening to you now, if someone else was talking to you and didn't know that you were quadriplegic, they wouldn't have guessed it.
Tracy Todd Heine: Oh, that's a compliment. Thank you, Ron! Because, you know, in the early years, people used to say "Oh, you can talk again!" I'm thinking, "Oh, I could always talk!?" but you don't realize how labored it looks
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: at times. And yeah, you know, the body is an amazing thing. It
Ron: It
Tracy Todd Heine: adapts
Ron: is. But
Tracy Todd Heine: but
Ron: so
Tracy Todd Heine: I mean
Ron: is your
Tracy Todd Heine: you.
Ron: resilience because you were the one who took so many decisions along the way to be relatively able bodied, if you know what I mean. If I can put that in quotation marks
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm.
Ron: for you to be able to choose the right chair, to choose to be able to get around in life by having a chin activated chair, to choose Dragon software, to choose
Tracy Todd Heine: She?
Ron: to still be a teacher, to choose to still do things with your son as physically as you possibly can. To invite people around, to not isolate yourself from society to seeing people in physical environments and encouraging them. I remember that chapter that you wrote about the police constable who came up to you after a speech that you did. It was one of your first speeches, I think.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: where your dad still went with you? And
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: the motivational music was playing as you went up on the stage the first time. I can only imagine the butterflies and
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: how these policemen came to you afterwards. And I thought it was so funny
Tracy Todd Heine: But
Ron: when he said, I want to shoot you.
Tracy Todd Heine: Shoot you! Absolutely. And I thought about that yesterday. I did a talk yesterday for a small company at that exact same venue. But the interesting thing is, is that you're I think.
Ron: But let me just clarify, because I think somebody listening to this is probably going to themselves "What!? A cop
Tracy Todd Heine: Oh,
Ron: wanted to
Tracy Todd Heine: yes.
Ron: shoot you!?" He meant with his
Tracy Todd Heine: Okay.
Ron: camera. His
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes,
Ron: camera
Tracy Todd Heine: it is
Ron: he wanted
Tracy Todd Heine: given.
Ron: to shoot a photo.
Tracy Todd Heine: But that's just South African lingo, isn't it?
Ron: So
Tracy Todd Heine: You know,
Ron: funny.
Tracy Todd Heine: that's the way we talk. Yeah, so fortunately, he didn't want to shoot me with his gun. Yeah, I think the interesting thing is that I'm getting out there and just sharing so much, and you get hope and encouragement in lots of different little things every day. So for me, it's a mind-war I must say, you wake up some mornings and you've been lying in the same position for so many hours, you just want to move you can't even have a sip of water. Now you've got to wait for somebody to come and move you, give you a sip of water, get you out of bed. But it's a conscious decision that I make that today I'm going to try and be positive and I'm going to try and, you know, live life to the full. And it sounds like a cliche, but
Ron: No, no, no, no,
Tracy Todd Heine: sometimes
Ron: no. It's the furthest
Tracy Todd Heine: it doesn't.
Ron: thing from a cliché. No.
Tracy Todd Heine: Sometimes it doesn't last - you're in the shower and I'm already crying.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: And other days you get to the end of the day and you're getting ready for bed and you think, "Wow, today was a good day. And what was different? Nothing, really. I'm still paralyzed from the neck down..." But it's all about attitude. It's about the way you see things. It's about your experience of the day. It's about relationships. It's about everything that affects all
Ron: Mm
Tracy Todd Heine: of us every day,
Ron: hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: you know? And I think just being more aware and being more mindful of looking at the positives instead of the negatives does eventually pay off.
Ron: But also it's a conscious decision to make your brain and your body as healthy as possible because that expression, "A healthy body houses a healthy mind" is so true.
Tracy Todd Heine: And you were saying earlier about the choices and the decisions that you make? I think what I learned early on is that it's my responsibility to continue taking care of myself and my responsibility to make myself happy. I realize that, yes, I'm paralyzed from the neck down and dependent on all these people, but they're not going to shower me if I don't want to. They're not going to feed me if I don't want the food. They're not going to give me my medication if I say no. So it's up to me to take responsibility for my own well-being
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: and tell them, "Do it now. I want to have water now. Feed me now. Shower me now. Do this. Give the orders. And then the other thing is, is that taking responsibility for your own happiness, there's no one else that can make you happy.
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: So I needed to create an environment where my friends were happy to come into - fake that smile if I had to force it onto my face. Because who wants to come and see a miserable person every day!?
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: They don't. They'll run. And I needed them to come and visit me. So I needed to put that smile on. And eventually, I think it just diffuses into your heart and
Ron: It
Tracy Todd Heine: soul.
Ron: does.
Tracy Todd Heine: And then it feels real,
Ron: It
Tracy Todd Heine: you know?
Ron: does. It's "Fake it till you make it!" And
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: few things are as true in terms of that expression as putting on a smile, because it's been proven over and over again scientifically that those muscles that contract into a smile physically signal to your brain to release serotonin. So just by faking a smile already, your brain's hormonal state and chemical balance improves.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct!
Ron: And
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: you're a living example of that. You know that to be true. I've tried
Tracy Todd Heine: I
Ron: a few
Tracy Todd Heine: know that
Ron: a few
Tracy Todd Heine: to be
Ron: times
Tracy Todd Heine: true.
Ron: this past week. It's been it's been one of those weeks where I find myself frowning more than I'm smiling. And in those minute, those moments, I'll just I'll slap on a smile whether I'm smiling about a cup of tea or something funny that I just received from a friend on a message and focus on those things and they proliferate.
Tracy Todd Heine: But I mean, even out in public, you smile at a stranger.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's amazing what you get back. And that's what was so hard with COVID. You couldn't connect with people.
Ron: Oh, yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: You could barely see their eyes if they wore glasses, and now they've got a mask over their smiles. I found it incredibly difficult to connect with people.
Ron: I can only imagine.
Tracy Todd Heine: But I think lots of people found it difficult. So, yeah, I think facial expression says a lot, and unfortunately I do wear my heart I must leave. So if I'm annoyed or irritated, I can't hide it very easily. But
Ron: No. But if anything,
Tracy Todd Heine: that's
Ron: I'd
Tracy Todd Heine: also
Ron: prefer
Tracy Todd Heine: not a bad
Ron: that
Tracy Todd Heine: thing.
Ron: of persons. I prefer that of people. Because I'm the kind of personality who will always look to myself for where the problem might lie - if I see somebody's in a strange mood or a bad mood, or they might be pondering something. I'm always going to assume something I did or said wrong,
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: and
Tracy Todd Heine: And you shouldn't.
Ron: not everyone's like that.
Tracy Todd Heine: I
Ron: Other
Tracy Todd Heine: know.
Ron: people will just go about their life and realize that person has an issue and they're dealing with it. But
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: I internalize things very easily, so
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: I'm much more comfortable around a personality like you, where I know exactly where I stand. I know Tracy will tell me if I did something
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: wrong.
Tracy Todd Heine: No, I will!
Ron: That's great.
Tracy Todd Heine: that's why I don't like it when people put me up on a pedestal because, you know, when you're up there, you can give good orders. And I've already got a good knack of getting giving orders.
Ron: But to just get back to that thing of being able to rely on people to give you a sip of water or help you shower or take your medication, that takes a modicum of courage. And you have to convince yourself to do those things and do them frequently. You can't be the kind of person who feels bad about asking people for help, because
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly.
Ron: then you're going to be left in situations
Tracy Todd Heine: But.
Ron: like that evening with it's such a nice chapter in your book, The Mosquito, where
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: if you didn't ask for your helper it to come in, apply a mosquito repellent, or
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct
Ron: just
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: put on
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: a fan.
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: It
Tracy Todd Heine: mosquito
Ron: would drive
Tracy Todd Heine: would
Ron: you
Tracy Todd Heine: have
Ron: mad.
Tracy Todd Heine: had my body would have been the mosquitoes playground for the night
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: and then suffer the consequences the next day. So absolutely, I think that's very difficult for most people. We don't like to or know how to ask for help. We don't know how to do it. And we don't like to and we feel embarrassed to do it. And it's ridiculous. We should all be able to ask for help every day from everybody
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: because actually everybody out there needs to be needed.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: They're waiting for you to ask for help! They don't know how to help that. I wanted to step in and help because
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: they feel, oh, they don't
Ron: You
Tracy Todd Heine: wanna offend
Ron: don't want to step
Tracy Todd Heine: you.
Ron: on toes? Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly. But we all want to be needed. We want to help. And so I have the perfect life and lifestyle, an opportunity to encourage people to help. And you know what? They probably get way more out of it, out of their gift of help that they've given me than what I've actually got out
Ron: So
Tracy Todd Heine: of it in that
Ron: true.
Tracy Todd Heine: moment.
Ron: That is so true. And that's
Tracy Todd Heine: Hmm.
Ron: just one of the many things that I found while reading your book. It's something that you didn't even intend for me to take away from the book. That's the nice thing about how a book can be subjective to every person who reads it. Every person takes something different away.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's subjective and it's submersive because you've managed to submerge yourself in my life within the pages of that
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: book I
Ron: For
Tracy Todd Heine: think.
Ron: that time that you commit
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: to reading. I remember
Tracy Todd Heine: Which.
Ron: you joking at the launch that this was your 'gut wrenching book', and you promise at some point to do a romantic
Tracy Todd Heine: Urgh!
Ron: author
Tracy Todd Heine: novel
Ron: of heartthrob
Tracy Todd Heine: novel.
Ron: novel, even though
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: you hate
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm still
Ron: novels!
Tracy Todd Heine: keen because, you know, that book "Me before you"?
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: To me, it was a lovely story, but it had such a terrible ending.
Ron: I
Tracy Todd Heine: And I'm thinking,
Ron: have not seen it. Do you know why I've not seen it? Because
Tracy Todd Heine: because
Ron: you
Tracy Todd Heine: I've
Ron: warned
Tracy Todd Heine: got to say
Ron: me
Tracy Todd Heine: the ending.
Ron: against it tonight. You warned me against it? I knew that if Tracy doesn't approve of this movie, I have no interest in it.
Tracy Todd Heine: You know, the difference is, Ron, is that the majority of people can relate to that story and the reasons for what he did. In the end, they can relate to it because they all say, "Oh, they'd do exactly the same." But I want to say there are positive outcomes to a story like that, and you can turn it completely around. But obviously, the author had never been touched by disability in
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: the same way that I've been touched by disability. So it's impossible for her to write a book like that. And that's why I feel it's my place and I need to write that
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: book. But oh my word I'm finding it tough. The writing journey is tough. I don't know. Yeah,
Ron: I take
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm
Ron: my
Tracy Todd Heine: struggling.
Ron: hat off to you? I wouldn't know where to begin with a book.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah. It's not easy. And you know what? Each of us have got a story to tell. Every single person's got a story to tell.
Ron: Yeah, but I'm not even referring to the - I mean, writing your book was one thing, and I'm sure that was a dragon for sure. But writing a novel like this would also be a completely different type of challenge. Where do you find time to keep inventing an entire universe, an entire plotline that isn't rooted? Well, it's rooted in reality. But it didn't really
Tracy Todd Heine: It's
Ron: happen.
Tracy Todd Heine: rooted in reality yeah, you've got to write from your own personal lived experiences... It didn't happen. But I think if you look at it, there's not a story in this world that unless it's fantasy or something like that, science fiction, it's all happened.
Ron: Sure.
Tracy Todd Heine: We've related to it somehow
Ron: True.
Tracy Todd Heine: there are only so many storylines in the world and all of them are drawing all of the stories and the movies are drawing from the same storyline, and they just adapt it slightly or change it slightly.
Ron: So
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: true.
Tracy Todd Heine: yeah,
Ron: That's
Tracy Todd Heine: it does
Ron: why
Tracy Todd Heine: happen.
Ron: the for movies like Harry Potter and Star Wars that seem to be mainly of fantasy are
Tracy Todd Heine: Because
Ron: truly
Tracy Todd Heine: that's a total
Ron: relatable.
Tracy Todd Heine: escape. But they are truly relatable as well. And that's why they're successful. Because if they weren't, then, you
Ron: It
Tracy Todd Heine: know,
Ron: wouldn't
Tracy Todd Heine: Max is
Ron: touch people.
Tracy Todd Heine: agreeing with us here, I don't know If you can hear him barking in the background, that's my Great Dane barking.
Ron: Oh, cute. No, he can bark all he likes - likes we need animals in our lives. So now that we've spoken about you possibly going to write a second novel, no pressure or 'a' novel - a second book is what
Tracy Todd Heine: Yes.
Ron: I should say.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: What do you feel you need to address in society? Because in the book you speak about those first experiences as a quadriplegic in public spaces such as the airport and the ship. And you've had many instances since then, and I always have a
Tracy Todd Heine: Even.
Ron: giggle at you when you post about assholes parking on the disabled spots
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: at malls and shops.
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: What do you feel like you want to be your contribution to society, specifically pertaining to the disabled community?
Tracy Todd Heine: I think just to create an awareness that it's actually not my paralysis, even though I'm paralyzed from the neck down, its not my paralysis that disables me. It's a world out there, a physical world of barriers. Because we've got to now fit into this world that's specifically designed for able bodied people. So
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: steps, broken, elevators, broken lifts, not being able to get in and out of buildings. It's the physical barriers, public transport that aren't kitted out for people like myself. And if we could all start thinking along universal access and access for everybody, then it doesn't matter. Even if you had to go for an operation tomorrow and both your legs are out of commission for six weeks, you could still go out into the world and operate and do what you need to do because the barriers aren't going to be there to stop you from doing it.
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: So it's not only about permanent disability, it's about temporary disability in times of sickness or operations or injury or whatever.
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's it's the mums that are pushing their prams. They could much easier go up a ramp than up steps.
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's - so it's universal access. I think if that can change - and I realize I can't change a world, but if you can just change the people's thought processes around you
Ron: Absolutely.
Tracy Todd Heine: and the people that I come into contact with and they will start thinking - already friends are starting to build homes and saying, "Oh, we must put a ramp instead of steps, because Tracy needs to be able to get in here." And that for me is the biggest compliment in the world
Ron: 100%.
Tracy Todd Heine: because I just think, wow, and it's not only about me, it's about you. When you get to 60 and you suddenly break a hip, you're also going to need that ramp,
Ron: Mm hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: you know? Yeah.
Ron: And would you say that since the time of your accident through to now, have you seen a proper uptake of awareness in terms of people being
Tracy Todd Heine: The.
Ron: disabled, whether permanently or temporarily?
Tracy Todd Heine: It's
Ron: Do
Tracy Todd Heine: a
Ron: you
Tracy Todd Heine: difficult.
Ron: see that in society?
Tracy Todd Heine: People begin to say, oh, definitely,
Ron: Not
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm.
Ron: not not that they are more people who are disabled, but that society becomes more aware of people with disabilities
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm
Ron: and becomes more accommodating.
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm. I think it is slowly happening, but it's a very slow process. And I think especially in a third world country like ours, where we have so, so, so many needs, we've
Ron: And.
Tracy Todd Heine: got such a contrast between the first world and the third world in our country. I mean, our rural townships are hectic, difficult
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: for anybody living
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: with a disability. And I've been there. It's so tough. you can't even - all well you have a great wheelchair like mine - but if the roads and the pavements or whatever are not there, no power to charge the wheelchair, that person is not going to be able to get around. So
Ron: No.
Tracy Todd Heine: there's a huge need, but all I can do is try and make a difference within my own little small circle and in my sphere. Obviously social media helps a lot, but, um. Yeah, I think if every one of us just make a difference in our own little circle, our families, our friends, our communities. Yeah, it does have a ripple effect, I believe, long term, eventually.
Ron: 100%.
Tracy Todd Heine: I mean, that's how change has come about all through life. I mean, back when women couldn't even vote, now they're voting. You know, there's so many things that have changed and it's through small things
Ron: Yes. And
Tracy Todd Heine: and
Ron: persistence.
Tracy Todd Heine: correct persistence.
Ron: That's wonderful. And while you were talking, I thought about
Ron: how
Ron: you can relate the privilege of being able bodied because It's not a trigger word yet in society, there is such a thing as able body privilege and
Tracy Todd Heine: Definitely!
Ron: it's not a negative thing. People need to understand that when in society we refer to privilege. We're not shooting you down for having
Tracy Todd Heine: No.
Ron: the privilege. We are asking you to be aware of what we don't have.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correctly
Ron: So
Tracy Todd Heine: correct.
Ron: a disabled person refers to able bodied ability or privilege just to help make society aware of the fact that they can't get up a set of stairs or park close enough to the shop to not struggle getting out of their car that kind of thing. So
Tracy Todd Heine: So.
Ron: when we're talking about white privilege, we're not we're not alienating white people. We're not
Tracy Todd Heine: Not
Ron: wanting
Tracy Todd Heine: at
Ron: to say
Tracy Todd Heine: all.
Ron: anything bad about white people.
Tracy Todd Heine: No.
Ron: We're saying that in this society, in this century, still, believe it or not, there's still so much white privilege that we are not even aware of that people of color suffer
Tracy Todd Heine: Every
Ron: as
Tracy Todd Heine: day.
Ron: a result from.
Tracy Todd Heine: Every day. You know, just an example of this last week. We all know in our country Jo'burg's been without water, a big part of Johannesburg, they haven't had water for 8 to 10 days. You know, my care assistant was doing my makeup and while Jacaranda(FM) was on, and we're listening to this, and she said, "You know they're complaining about not having water for ten days." She said, "I've never had water in my home my whole life." And I said, Yes, you are so right, and I'm so sorry.
Ron: Hmm.
Tracy Todd Heine: You know, people feel entitled to have things when there are people are out there with nothing and we live in the same country.
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: So yeah,
Ron: And it's
Tracy Todd Heine: that's
Ron: the same
Tracy Todd Heine: what
Ron: with
Tracy Todd Heine: whatever
Ron: me as a
Tracy Todd Heine: it
Ron: member
Tracy Todd Heine: is.
Ron: of the. Yeah. And it's the same with any other thing, any other minority. I'm a
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly.
Ron: member of the LGBT community
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly.
Ron: and people still have the audacity to say stuff like, "Oh, why do you still need gay pride? People have gay rights." I'm like, "Okay, sure. Where I live, there are gay rights, but there are still countries where people are put
Tracy Todd Heine: Oh,
Ron: to death for being
Tracy Todd Heine: for
Ron: gay.
Tracy Todd Heine: being gay. Abso-bloody-lutely. And it's so wrong. How dare we choose for others who they can and cannot love?
Ron: Yeah. So
Tracy Todd Heine: How
Ron: it's
Tracy Todd Heine: dare
Ron: it's
Tracy Todd Heine: we?
Ron: again, it's incumbent upon me as somebody who is privileged, I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: privileged to live in a country where I have rights as a gay person.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: I'm
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: privileged
Tracy Todd Heine: use that
Ron: because
Tracy Todd Heine: voice.
Ron: I'm a white person in this country.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: I'm privileged just because I'm being tolerated in this country could have been really bad.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: We could have been chased away from this country. We could have had the reverse of apartheid. We
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: could have been legislated against. And that hasn't happened. So just
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: that in and of itself is a form of privilege. And it's not trying to make ourselves feel guilty for having these privileges. It's not about trying to feel more or less of a human being than the next person. It's just about being aware of the challenges that others face that you don't face.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct. Correct.
Ron: And that's what you're doing through your work. And I'm so proud of you for just you do it in such a delicate way. You're always putting a message out there that people pick up on without them
Tracy Todd Heine: She?
Ron: feeling like it's being forced down their throat. So well done for that.
Tracy Todd Heine: Thank you. Thank you. Because I don't like people preaching to me about anything on any topic. So I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be that rah rah. You must. You must. You must
Ron: Yeah.
Tracy Todd Heine: No - you don't 'must'. But just listen to what I'm saying and think about it. And maybe that will change your mindset just a little bit. And so that's how it happens. One mindset at a time. Hey Ron? Same
Ron: Hundred
Tracy Todd Heine: as you
Ron: percent,
Tracy Todd Heine: in your work? Mm
Ron: hundred
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm.
Ron: percent with
Tracy Todd Heine: Mm
Ron: every challenge in life. But
Tracy Todd Heine: hmm.
Ron: I mean, I think number one at the top of the list and that's kind of why I wanted to do this show in the style and the fashion that I'm doing it; humour is the easiest way to reach another human being.
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: And I find that you do that so easily.
Tracy Todd Heine: But I mean, South Africans, we're always making fun of situations, aren't we?
Ron: It's how we get through.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's how we get through otherwise never get through! Anyway.
Ron: So thank you for writing the book the way you did, where you infuse dark moments with humor. I found myself laughing as much as I was crying, and it
Tracy Todd Heine: Get.
Ron: was such a wonderful journey to go through with you. So thank you for inviting us in the way you did. Please tell us where we can find the book. How we can order it. Is it still available? What are the avenues people must take to get your book?
Tracy Todd Heine: It was available in all bookshops, the
Ron: Sure.
Tracy Todd Heine: big bookshops. But, it had a limited edition, so my publisher still has copies. And I've also got personal copies so anyone can just get in contact with me. Ron, you can put up my email address,
Ron: Perfect.
Tracy Todd Heine: but it's easy. It's 'bravelotusflower@gmail.com' so they can get in contact with me and the e-book can be downloaded off the web as well.
Ron: Wonderful. And you have a website. I've visited it just
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: before we chatted and I thought to myself, "Wow, this is beautiful"
Tracy Todd Heine: I have a website. The unfortunate thing about my website is the contact page keeps giving up an error and I cannot find a person in I.T. that can help me sort it out. I don't know
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: what
Ron: well,
Tracy Todd Heine: this
Ron: I'm glad
Tracy Todd Heine: is.
Ron: I brought it up, because I'm going
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah,
Ron: to sort it out for you. Don't worry.
Tracy Todd Heine: maybe you can. Yeah,
Ron: We
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: will.
Tracy Todd Heine: would be awesome.
Ron: We will get to the bottom of that. We'll
Tracy Todd Heine: Thank
Ron: find the
Tracy Todd Heine: you.
Ron: root and we'll rip it out!
Tracy Todd Heine: But my email address is on my website as well.
Ron: That's
Tracy Todd Heine: So.
Ron: the most important for now! Okay cool,
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: so you've got physical copies of the book. There's an e-book available. "Brave
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: Lotus Flower Rise of the Dragon".
Tracy Todd Heine: And then copies are also available on my publisher Tracy MacDonald's website.
Ron: Wonderful. I'm going to put links to both in the show notes and your email address. So before we go before we wrap up, I always ask, is there anything that we haven't covered that you were hoping that we would talk about, that you wanted to elaborate on a little bit?
Tracy Todd Heine: No, I don't think so. But I'm allowed to just say one little love story?
Ron: Yes! Whoa - you must!
Tracy Todd Heine: because. Because my life before my accident, I believed in fairy tales, and I thought my life was going to be a fairy tale. And then it was a fairy tale. I had a husband, a baby, a job and everything. And then I broke my neck and my fairy tale tragically ended. But then my fairy tale came back again because I found love in my life again. And I know that people can read about it in the book. But you know what? For all the people out there that feel that they can't find anyone to love again. If I can, you can. So quickly. And
Ron: No,
Tracy Todd Heine: I.
Ron: don't be quick about it. Actually, I wasn't sure about whether I'm going to ask you the question or not because I promised that I wouldn't give the whole book away. But I'm glad you brought it up, so I'm not the one giving it away! It's the happy ending to the book, in a way.
Tracy Todd Heine: It's cool
Ron: And.
Tracy Todd Heine: in a way, but also I just feel that it's a story of love and hope that needs to be shared because we're not meant to live alone on this planet. And that's hard. And after my accident, I was alone for many years and craved to have a male love in my life. But I just assumed that no one would love me and ended up being - long story short, I'm not gonna give all that away, but I ended up on a dating site and I know people said "Tracy, paralyzed from the neck down. What the hell are you doing on a dating site?!" Well, anyway, that was an experience in itself. Ended up meeting amazing people.
Ron: Now.
Tracy Todd Heine: But
Ron: I just
Tracy Todd Heine: once
Ron: want
Tracy Todd Heine: this.
Ron: to I'm sorry to interrupt you, because there's a note here that I wrote about where I literally exclaimed various forms of profanity when I read the paragraphs in your chapter 'Sex and The Single Woman' - I thought, "How, in this society, can we still put people through that?!"
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah, absolutely. But it happens, let me tell you. But anyway, I'll leave that up to people to read. But
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: yeah, so I met one very special man. And the one thing we had in common is we both loved running. So I was a marathon runner before my accident. The one regret - and I know we spoke about not having regrets - but the one regret that I did have in my life is that I never got to run the Comrades marathon. Anyway, he offered to run the Comrades Marathon on my behalf. We became very friendly. We just chatted. He lived in Port Elizabeth. I lived In Mbombela. So, yeah, we became friends. And so he trained and he ran the Comrades Marathon on my behalf. And I saw him on TV coming across the finish line with this big poster that said for my friend Tracy Todd
Ron: Oh.
Tracy Todd Heine: and I cried my eyes out that day! Anyway, a month later he flew all the way to Nelspruit to come and deliver the medal. And that was just the start of this wonderful relationship. He basically ran off with my heart and yeah,
Ron: But listen,
Tracy Todd Heine: in April.
Ron: I just want to put some emphasis on what he did, because there might be people listening overseas who have no idea what the Comrades marathon
Tracy Todd Heine: Oh,
Ron: is.
Tracy Todd Heine: yes.
Ron: The
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: Comrades
Tracy Todd Heine: he
Ron: Marathon
Tracy Todd Heine: ran.
Ron: is one of the most grueling things that you can put your body through.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct. He ran 90 kilometers from Pietermaritzburg to Durban. With my poster, he ran all that way on my behalf.
Ron: And
Tracy Todd Heine: And
Ron: he still
Tracy Todd Heine: it's.
Ron: stayed in touch with you during the race.
Tracy Todd Heine: During the race. And I mean, he had an old Nokia cell phone that he had to tap like three times, you know, to get a C, you know, that old way of typing!
Ron: Oh,
Tracy Todd Heine: No
Ron: my
Tracy Todd Heine: smartphones.
Ron: word. The funny thing is, it's like riding a bike. If any of us had to do that again, we'll remember exactly how to type using those phones.
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly. So yeah, we kept in touch and at one stage he said to me, "Oh, my quads are gone. I don't know if I'm going to finish this." And I said to him, "Do it for this Quad." And that carried him through the race. He finished the race. And, you know, it was just a beautiful moment. And then when he brought the medal, we spent four days just talking nonstop in person. And then he ran off with my heart. And we had like a long distance relationship for a few years. And in April 2016, we got married. So, yeah, I've been married almost eight years and it's been the best thing in my life. He's been the best. And, you know, people say, "Wow, he's a fantastic man, he's a hero!" and whatever. Yes, he is, but I'm enough. And if I wasn't enough, he wouldn't still be around after eight years. In fact, we've been together since 2010, you know, because that's when he ran the race for me. He wouldn't still be around if I wasn't enough.
Ron: That's exactly it. And it's exactly when you thought that you might just as well stop looking. That's when the right person came around.
Tracy Todd Heine: Exactly. And if I can find love - love is a renewable resource, we get
Ron: Yes.
Tracy Todd Heine: brought up on these bloody fairy tales that tell
Ron: Hearable.
Tracy Todd Heine: us you can meet a Prince Charming, and then that's going to be the end of it. Real Life's not like that. It
Ron: But
Tracy Todd Heine: doesn't work like that.
Ron: it
Tracy Todd Heine: I
Ron: still
Tracy Todd Heine: mean,
Ron: takes a village.
Tracy Todd Heine: it still takes a village absolutely. And, so love is a renewable resource and to have that love in your life and not take it for granted and keep working on that relationship is the best thing ever. You know, we need that in our life. If I can, anybody else can.
Ron: 100%! So, here's to Roy Sexy Legs
Tracy Todd Heine: My
Ron: for being
Tracy Todd Heine: sexy
Ron: your
Tracy Todd Heine: legs!
Ron: hero!
Tracy Todd Heine: He's my hero, but
Ron: and
Tracy Todd Heine: I think
Ron: we love
Tracy Todd Heine: I'm
Ron: him for it.
Tracy Todd Heine: his role model.
Ron: It's wonderful. I mean, it's the most organic, beautiful love story, one of the most that I've ever heard. So thank you for capturing that in the book as well, because you wrote it so beautifully. I was a blubbering mess. Honestly, every chapter had me a blubbering mess. I'm not even going to try and deny it, you
Tracy Todd Heine: But not tears of all
Ron: know,
Tracy Todd Heine: doom and gloom.
Ron: it's tears of joy. It was so,
Tracy Todd Heine: Great!
Ron: so beautifully related. I could relate
Tracy Todd Heine: Thank you.
Ron: to every chapter. The whole book
Tracy Todd Heine: Yeah.
Ron: is on
Tracy Todd Heine: So
Ron: such
Tracy Todd Heine: that
Ron: a human level.
Tracy Todd Heine: I think we can leave this on that happy note of love and joy and
Ron: Absolutely.
Tracy Todd Heine: just don't give up. And life is worth living no matter what.
Ron: Absolutely. So thank you for being in our lives. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being such an inspiration. I want to ask this final question that I ask of everybody, because I know that you'll be able to give a beautiful answer. What could everyone do right now in this second to make the world a better place?
Tracy Todd Heine: You know what, pick up the phone and phone someone you love. And if you can't do that, put your arms around the person closest to you and just hug them. Because that's the one thing I miss most in life. I can't put my arms around my people around my tribe and tell them how much I love that I can tell them. But I want to show them with that hug. A hug is the most powerful nonverbal action, and that's probably the action I miss most in my life, is being able to hug my son, my husband, my parents, my family, my carers, my earth angels. My community, my loved ones.
Ron: That is the perfect thing for people to do. On behalf of Tracy Hug all the loved ones in your life today. Make a point of it.
Tracy Todd Heine: Correct.
Ron: In fact, we're going to print you a few T-shirts and you're going to that's become that's becoming part of your promotion. Hug your loved ones. Hug someone today. We can
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: do a really cute T-shirt, that
Tracy Todd Heine: Absolutely.
Ron: "Hug a dragon!" So
Tracy Todd Heine: For sure. For sure.
Ron: thank you, my friend, for all the time you gave today and for opening up the way you did in your book and in this conversation. I love you dearly and I wish you only the best.
Tracy Todd Heine: Thank you for this wonderful opportunity and I'm so proud of you and keep doing what you're doing. And I love you most.
Ron: I will. Because you're an inspiration. I'll keep doing it.
Tracy Todd Heine: Cool.