How To Be A Man: Skill

This episode of the Manhood Tribes show, hosted by Don Ross, delves into the critical aspect of skill among the 5 Marks of Manhood (strength, courage, skill, honor, and allegiance) necessary for becoming an extraordinary man. 

The discussion highlights how men, akin to Swiss army knives, are expected to be versatile in their abilities, mastering a range of skills from fixing a leaky faucet to managing personal finances. It addresses the current cultural challenges faced by men, reinforcing the importance of celebrating and championing manhood. 

Don shares his personal journey of skill acquisition through a career shift, underscoring the significance of stepping out of one's comfort zone to learn and grow. The narrative challenges listeners to identify their insecurities around skill and take practical steps towards improvement, including a Manhood Challenge that involves fixing something broken. This episode ultimately calls for men to embrace skill learning, pass on their knowledge, and thereby enrich their communities.

00:00 Introduction to Manhood Tribes Show
00:34 How Manly Are You?
01:06 The Importance of Discussing Manhood Today
02:27 The Three Pillars of Extraordinary Manhood
03:03 Exploring the First Pillar: Manhood
03:40 The 5 Marks of Manhood: A Deep Dive
04:58 Spotlight on Skill: The Essential Mark of Manhood
09:46 Personal Journey: Navigating Career Shifts and Skill Acquisition
12:33 Why Skill is a Fundamental Aspect of Manhood
23:04 Manhood Challenge: Skill

Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly.

Transcript

Don Ross: 0:00

What do a man and a Swiss army knife have in common. I think you're going to like the answer to this one. Let's talk about it today on the Manhood Tribes show, as we continue our discussion about what does it mean to be a man. Guys want to know how you measure up as a man? I've got a great resource for you. It's called how manly are you? And it's a free quiz that you can take to figure out how you stack up against what it means to be a man. And when you take the quiz, you'll also get some free resources to help you figure out how you can get better as a man in the areas where you would like to grow. So go to manhoodtribes.com/manly to download your free. How manly are you quiz today? That's manhoodtribes.com/manly. All right, man. Welcome to the Manhood Tribes show. My name is Don. I'm your host and guys it's really good to be here with you again, as we're continuing our series about how to be a man. It is so important that we have this conversation. You guys know you're out there in the midst of our world right now. And you know that as men, like, we're kind of taking a hard rap right now. I mean, it is kind of, it's difficult to be a man. The world doesn't want us to acknowledge that because they think we've had, you know, Privileged for so long. And that we've been at the top of the food chain for so long that to cry. Anything about things being difficult right now for men is, you know, just to whine about the fact that we've had it so good. And you know, now it's kind of our turn to not have it as good. That's just crap, you know, w we don't need to buy into that if we're not having a good time as men, if it's becoming increasingly difficult to be a man, it's something that we need to acknowledge, because we just want to say being a man is a good thing. It's something that should be celebrated. It's something that should be championed. The world needs men, and it needs men to beat manly. And so we want to talk about what all of that is and why it's a good thing and how we should do it. Well, that's really what manhood tribes is all about. We want to help you become. Come an extraordinary man by building a transformational group of men around you. And we're going to talk about all of those kinds of things and what it means to be extraordinary, what it means to have a transformational group. All those things are important, but we're really just trying to kind of get started by talking about the three things that all men need to be extraordinary. Manhood, comradery, and freedom. You're going to need all of these things. If you want to be the best version of yourself, manhood, you need a vision of what it means to be a man. Comradery, you need a group of men around you who are going to push and challenge you to be the best that you can become and freedom you need means and ways to be able to overcome the major obstacles in your life. All of those things are necessary for becoming an extraordinary man. But as we get started, Here on the manhood tribe show. We really want to talk about that first one in particular manhood. We know that we need a vision of what it means to be a man, because what it means to be a man has been lost in our culture. You can ask 10 different people what it means to be a man. And you're going to get 15 different definitions of it. That's because it's so confusing right now to figure out what gender is all about and what masculinity in particular is all about in our world. So we want to try to give some clarity to that. We want to provide some answers around. What does it mean to be a man? And for us here at manhood tribes, the way that we are talking about manhood is by using what we call the 5 Marks of Manhood. These are the traits that we believe all men should possess in order to demonstrate what it means to be a man. And those 5 Marks of Manhood, our strength. Courage skill honor and allegiance. If you're a man, you should be displaying all five of those things. And the great thing about each one of those marks of manhood is that you can get better at every one of them. They are things that you can grow and improve in. So you're not stuck just being the kind of man that you are today. Maybe you're wrestling with whether or not you are a man, because you're not sure what one is. Maybe you don't particularly feel like a man. Maybe you didn't have really good male role models or examples in your life. And so you've. I've kind of just been left with sort of a milk toast version of manhood. And so you don't feel very manly, but that doesn't mean that you're stuck there. You can grow and what it means to be a man by getting better in each of the 5 Marks of Manhood. And so that's why we're taking time with one episode on each one of those to kind of dive deep into what those things are, what they mean and how you can go about getting better at each one. And so today we in particular, want to talk about the mark of manhood of skill and what it means as a man to be skilled and why that's something that's so essential to being a man. It's kind of just a general truism in life that men are sort of expected to be a Jack of all trades. Right? We need to know a lot of things about a lot of things. We need to know how to be able to fix the leaky faucet and to read a map, even though we all use GPS these days. W it's still good as a man to know how to read a map, you need to know how to manage your personal finances. You need to know how to shoot a free throw. You need to know how to change a diaper. You need to know how to change a tire, right? There's just all kinds of things that we, as men are sort of expected to be able to show up and do in life. And even if you haven't been taught those things, you probably have found a few examples in your own story of where. You didn't know how to do something, but people kind of expected that you should know how to do that thing. And that probably left you with some feelings of insecurity or embarrassment. And that's the thing, that's the thing about the mark of skill. Is that the challenge was skill is that no other mark of manhood is going to be more revealing of our insecurities. As men than the mark of skill. Skill is going to showcase all the ways in which we don't know how to do the things that the world is expecting us to do. And like it or not, you know, the, the world might criticize us for being men and trying to be manly as men, but they're still going to expect us to know how to do a lot of things. And so as men, we've kind of got to figure out how to rise to that challenge, how to be able to meet the world's expectations for knowing how to do a lot of things. Because the reality is, is that. We as men. W we don't like it when we don't know how to do something right. I mean. I know you guys have faced this, you have shown up in some place where something has been asked of you or something has been expected of you and you didn't know what to do. And you just felt like a fool. You felt embarrassed, you felt ashamed. You tried to just kind of like fake it or talk your way out of that conversation or move on to the next topic or, you know, whatever. But just some way of getting out of the embarrassment that you don't know what's going on or how to contribute. Well, Probably the most classic classic example of that is when we guys go to a mechanic. Right, right. And, you know, the day has really come where most guys don't know a whole lot about cars, even though we kind of think that we should like cars feel like it's, uh, uh, mainly domain. And there's probably some things that we should know about it, but. Cars are getting more and more complicated as the years go on. And there's less and less that we know about it. And we're just, you know, most of us just kind of take our cars to the mechanic to get our old change to every once in a while. And then. You know, on every so often occasion, the mechanic comes back out to us and says, uh, you've got something wrong with this gasket and it's going to need to be replaced. And he's showing you, you know, something either under your car or showing you some part that you didn't even know that your car had. And you're kind of like nodding your head and just sort of going along with what he says, like, you know what he's talking about, even though you don't have a clue what he's talking about, and he probably knows that you don't have a clue what he's talking about. But the point is like, we hate feeling that feeling of insecurity of just not knowing what's going on and not being able to contribute meaningfully to the discussion. I have something that actually involves us something that is important to us and that we probably should know more about and should care more about, but we just don't and it's a reflection of our lack of skill. But it may not just be like, you know, something, you know, as it kind of major and obvious as like not knowing what to do on your car, it might show up with something like, you know, a group of your work buddies want to go play golf and they invite you to come play golf with them, but you've never played a round of golf in your life. You don't know the first thing about, you know, the difference between a wedge and a driver and what you're supposed to do on what part of the whole, like. You don't have a clue. That's okay. But it is revealing of the fact that like you don't know. And so it puts you into that place where you have to decide. Am I going to show up with my buddies and go attempt to have some fun with them, even though I'm going to have to kind of act a fool and just sort of fake it till I make it, because I don't have a clue what to do on the golf course. Or do I just kind of like, ah, thanks guys. I don't think I'm going to be able to make it this time. Like I got something else going on, you know, do you opt out because you're just insecure about the fact that you don't have the skills that, you know, you would need to have to participate meaningfully. And what other guys are asking you to do. All of this is hard, but this is what skill does. This is how skill reveals to us, our insecurities and our fears as a man. Let me tell you a little bit about myself and how I have had to deal with skill recently in my life. So here as a man in my mid forties, I have actually had to, or have chosen to make a pretty big career shift here in the last few years. I mentioned before that I have come from kind of a church and ministry background. And most of my career has been in that vocational ministry or nonprofit world, um, and have worked there and I've developed some really good skills in that area. But the longer that I worked in that area, the more that I realized that when I really wanted to do was to be able to reach and connect with men, which is part of what I'm doing here on this show and on this podcast. But I knew that if I was going to do that, I really needed to branch out and try something different. And I needed to develop some skills that my world in the church world was just not teaching me. And so I actually decided to make a career shift from the church and ministry world into digital marketing in hopes that I could kind of learn some of the skills that I needed to really be able to develop this digital platform for reaching mint. I knew that in doing that, I was going to be a fish out of water. It was going to be a place where I was going to be the new kid on the block. And as a, you know, guy in my forties, I was probably going to be working with a bunch of 20 somethings. Who knew a lot more coming out of college than I knew trying to just pick some things up off the internet and get my feet wet in an industry that I was completely unfamiliar with. That's been intimidating. I'll be honest. It's been hard. It's been difficult. And I have managed to be able to get a couple jobs in that field. And you're right. I have been working with, you know, mostly people, a lot younger than me who have more skills than I do. But I have been able to pick up some new skills and it is helping me learn how to be able to do some of the things that I want to do. Uh, to be able to connect with and reach you guys. This is what I really want to be able to do. I just didn't have the skills to be able to do it. So I had to push myself into a place where I was going to learn those skills so I could get better in this area as a man and be able to do the things that I knew I really wanted to do. This is what's hard about skill. Is that any time we want to develop and grow in this area as a man, it takes stepping out of our comfort zones. It takes getting into some places that are difficult and unfamiliar and just being willing to learn. Being able to admit that we don't know all there is to know we've got to show up with some humility and just say, I'm willing to be taught. I'm willing to learn. And I'm willing to admit, I don't know everything that there is to know. And, uh, I need some other people to teach me and to help me get better as a man. That can be a hard thing to do and a humbling thing to do as a man, but it is something that we all need to do in order to grow in this mark of manhood of skill. So. Let's talk a little bit about why skill is even a mark of manhood. What is it about this particular area of skill that makes it something that's essential to being a man? Why do we include this on our list of things that all men need to possess to demonstrate manhood? Well, one of the reasons is, is that men are meant to be depended on, okay. When it comes to the world around us. The world looks to men to be able to show up and have something to offer. When it matters most, we need to be able to come through for those around us. We need to be able to have the skills, to be able to offer something that's going to make a difference. And that's going to improve not only our own lives, but the lives of those around us as well. That can be something as simple as needing to be able to fix something that's broken in your home. To needing to be able to care for those around you when your relationships are in, in jeopardy or in dire straits. Maybe it's just being able to enter into a difficult relationship environment and have the skills to help someone else be able to improve their life. Even though it's not really something about your relationship, that's at stake. Whatever it is from the small things to the big things. Having those skills is something that men need to have in order to be able to offer something to the world. Men need to be dependent on and our skillfulness. Is what makes us reliable and able to contribute to the good of others. Our skills are also what help us as men to be able to master our domains. Right. So as men. We need to be able to develop some level of mastery, to be able to effectively make a difference in the world around us. All men are kind of built with this innate sense of wanting to leave our mark on the world, wanting to make a difference in some way. And in order to be able to do that. Yes, we do have to kind of be a Jack of all trades. Like I talked about it at the beginning of the episode, a man is kind of like a Swiss army knife, right? We need to have a whole set of tools around us, a set of skills to be able to do a whole bunch of different things and to show up in a bunch of different ways in places where we can offer something of value. But if we're going to be able to leave our mark on the world, we're going to have to really hone a specific set of skills into becoming more of a master in one or just a few areas. We need to really learn, to be able to be the kind of go-to guy when it comes to something in particular in our world. And that likely is what you do for a living, right? That's probably your vocation, your job, your career, or something like that. Or you realize that something that, that isn't that and your job is something that pays the bills, but what you really want to become an expert at is, you know, singing or deep sea fishing, or, you know, being the guy who knows the perfect kind of rum to go with whatever drink somebody wants, I, you know, whatever, I'm just making up ludicrous ideas. But the point is you want to be able to develop mastery in one or just a few areas where you can be the go-to guy to be able to really contribute. Not only. Only value in the world around you, but excellence to be able to help not only yourself, but others really be able to make significant progress in a particular area and your life and in their lives as well. Now, one of the things that I think is really cool about skill and why in particular is important to what it means to be a man is just the idea that as men, we are meant to pass on our skills to others and in particular, to pass on our skills to younger men. For. As long as there have been human beings on the planet. This is something that men have done almost instinctively. It's something that we've done naturally. Which is to train up other men behind us to be able to one day take our places, to have the skills that we have had and to be able to offer that same kind of skill to the world. Men are meant to pass on our skills now. This has become much more of a challenge in our world today where passing on skills doesn't happen as naturally because men and boys aren't in the same kind of close contact that they once were in our world. I've talked about the idea that men need to live in a sort of tribal community. We need to live with a group of men around us, but for the most part, we as men don't do that anymore. Our society is not structured in those kinds of ways where. Where we have those close knit relationships and especially that kind of tribal interactions where we're working with older and younger men around us on a regular basis. And because of that, most of us don't teach our skills much to other people around us. Even as dads, we find it hard to be able to pass on our skills to our sons. Because the kinds of skills that they need are not the skills that we usually have to offer. Right. They need to learn how to be good in school and they don't care too much at the moment about how to be able to. You know, balance their personal finances or even something like being able to change a tire. They're not really interested in those things yet. Because that's not a part of their world. And so it doesn't the things that they need to know as a man don't really become a part of their world until they are out of our homes until they are kind of really no longer under our instruction. And so passing on our skills become something that we don't do naturally when they're there around us. And it becomes more of a need when they no longer are around us. And it just becomes a much more difficult. And so what we have begun to turn to and our world today is actually how to learn our skills from the internet. Right? Most of us as men, when we don't know how to do something, the first place that we go to is YouTube. It becomes the go-to place for learning how to do a skill. Now look. I don't have any problem with YouTube at all. I learned plenty of things from watching YouTube videos. And it is a great way of being able to develop skills and just learn how to solve some problems that you might not have known how to solve otherwise, you know, I've learned everything from, uh, just how to fix a small thing in my house, like a doorknob to how to build a patio in the back of my house. You know? So like YouTube is a great way for being able to provide those kinds of resources, but. What it does Rob us of is the connection between generations of mint. And so what I want to encourage us all is that when it comes to the really valuable things in life, okay. It's fine. If you need to learn how to, you know, cook a really good dish or how to be able to change the oil in your car. Hey, no problem. Like go to YouTube, go to the internet and find some other experts who can teach you those kinds of basic skills. But when it comes to the really important things in life, and especially being able to pass those things onto others. I want to really encourage you as men to have other men in your life, both older and younger, who are helping you be able to navigate those kinds of things. Older men who are mentoring and coaching you and how to be able to grow in those skills and navigate, navigate those things in your own life. But younger men who you are teaching and training up to be able to learn the kinds of skills that you have as well. All of this is super important for us as men, any really valuable way that we grow as men by learning from other men and teaching other men as well. This is part of what it means to be a man. And if we want to really develop in the world of skill, we need to actually have those kinds of relationships around us because. We will get better in our skills. The more that we learn from others and the more that we teach others as well. Especially in that last one. You will get better at the skills that you practice at the skills that you have by trying to teach them to someone else. It is just the nature of skill. The more that you have to learn it in a way that you are going to be able to teach it to someone else. Who's going to ask you questions. Who's going to challenge you in some ways that you haven't thought of who's going to push you into some areas that, oh, maybe you didn't consider it like that. It will force you to improve in your skills just because you're having to think at it from angles that other people are going. To bring it to you. So if you want to get better at being a man. You need those older and younger men in your life to help challenge you in the area of skill to continue to improve. Okay. So, what I want you guys to do, uh, as a part of this episode is to really think about how do you need to grow in the area of skill. And probably the best way to think about that is to really find one of those areas where, you know, your insecurity has shown up. Where have you been in a conversation lately where a topic has come across that you've just not known anything about, and it seems like everybody else knows something about it and you felt kind of insecure about it or embarrassed that you didn't know something about it, or where have you seen that other men around you have been able to do something better than you can do it, or just that you didn't really know how to do it at all? Maybe it's kind of like that golf game that we talked about earlier. Whatever it is. I want you to think about that area of insecurity, and I want you to come up with some way of testing and challenging yourself in that area so that you can get better at that skill. And look guys, here's the thing. This is what we, this is what I talked about at the beginning. And every one of these marks of manhood you can grow and get better and skill is probably one of the easiest ones to be able to recognize that you can grow and get better at any skill that you want to. Just with a little bit of intentionality learning and practice. So I want you to figure out where that area of insecurity is for you. And I want you to create a challenge for yourself at how to get better at that skill. And that's actually what we're going to talk about in our next segment about how to develop a manhood challenge around the area of skill stick with me for that. All right, men, welcome to a manhood challenge. My name is Don I'm the host of the manhood tribe show. And my goal is to help you become an extraordinary man by building a transformational group of men around you. And what this group of men is going to do is to help push you and challenge you to become the best man that you can be. One of the ways that that that is going to happen is by encouraging you to grow and the 5 Marks of Manhood, these are the things that we believe. All men should possess in order to demonstrate what it means to be a man. The 5 Marks of Manhood are strength, courage, skill, honor, and allegiance. And for today's manhood challenge, we want to talk about how you can grow in the mark of manhood of skill. Okay. So your challenge for this skill challenge is to find something around your home that is broken or needs fixing or repairing that you don't really know how to do. And to actually go do it. Okay. So figure out what that is. Whether you live in a home that you own, or an apartment that you're renting, find something that is broken and in need of repairing that you don't know how to do and figure out how you're going to do it now. What you can do is just go to the internet, go to YouTube and look up some videos on how to be able to do it. And if that's all you need to do, then tackle it, just get it done, go purchase the tools that you need to be able to make it happen and, you know, figure out what you need, uh, project wise and the time that you need to get it done in and set a goal for yourself to actually make it happen. But if it's something that's a little bit beyond that reach of the internet, or you can get some basic ideas, but man, you could really use some help being able to do that. Find another guy in your life who can help you. It doesn't even have to be a guy who's an expert in this area, but just another guy who's willing to jump into the fray with you and say, yeah, I hope you get that done. Even though I don't really know it, both of you can learn how to do that thing together, or maybe he does have some more expertise than you do and can help teach you and train you and how to be able to learn that skill. That's what I want you to do is to learn the skill that. you need to be able to fix something that's broken and the next time it breaks, or you come across a similar kind of challenge, you will. I have the skill to be able to show up and either to do it yourself, or even to help someone else be able to do it in their life as well, and be a great teacher and a helper for them. That's your manhood challenged for today. Thanks for joining me here for this manhood challenged segment of the manhood tribe show. And I look forward to seeing you over on the show pretty soon. We'll talk again soon.