286. Beyond the Candy Bowl: My 3 Rules for Halloween

Happy Halloween season, dear Insatiable listeners! As we move toward this sweet-and-spooky holiday, I wanted to share how we approach candy in my household — before, during, and after trick-or-treating.

In this episode, I'll explain the three flexible, biology-rooted rules that guide how I handle sweets for my almost five-year-old son, Eça. I also talk about how I approach candy for myself. Because it isn’t just for kids, and the idea that there’s food for kids and food for adults is just a marketing strategy.

Tune in to hear about:

• Why food “rules” need more nuance
• My 3 principles for candy consumption: blood sugar, immunity, & joy
• How to center joy & belonging in your Halloween traditions
• Moderation as a radical approach
• Our Halloween night protocols
• The challenges of intuitive eating for kids

 
Mentioned in this episode:

• Episode 280: What’s Missing From the “Emotional Eating” Conversation with Dr. Deborah MacNamara
• Episode 257: Alcohol, Food, and Body Image: Push Off From Here with Laura McKowen – Insatiable Special Episode
• Episode 234: How to Exercise to Prevent Sugar Cravings with Alisa Vitti
• Episode 233: Quitting Alcohol and Managing Sugar Cravings with Laura McKowen

Connect with Ali & Insatiable:

Join me on January 8th at 12pm EST for "Stop the Quick-Fix Cycle: Why Band-Aid Solutions Make Emotional Eating Worse (And How to Actually Get Results)" to discover why your struggles with food actually make sense and learn a revolutionary framework that transforms how you set goals—no more falling off track with food, plus receive a special bonus only available to live attendees. Completely free. CLICK HERE

Discover Truce with Food, a revolutionary 6-month program that opens just once per year and goes beyond food rules and willpower to uncover your hidden food story, transform your relationship with eating, and finally create lasting change through a proven approach that's helped hundreds find food freedom—registration closes January 20th. CLICK HERE

Transcript

Ali Shapiro [00:00:00]:
Welcome to Insatiable, the podcast where we discuss the intersection of food, psychology, and culture. Thanks for joining me, Eça. Now what? So I wanna ask you, what are you excited about for Halloween? Present. Presents at Halloween? I don't know. What do we do at Halloween? Get costumes. Yeah. What are you gonna be? A ninja turtle. Yeah. And then once you're in your costume, what do we do? Trick-or-treating. Yeah. And what are we trick or treating for? Candy. Yeah. What is your favorite candy? Gummies. Gummies? 

Ali Shapiro [00:00:59]:
I'm your host, Ali Shapiro, an integrated health coach, 32 year and counting cancer survivor, and have radically healed my relationship with food and my body. And for the past 17 years, I've been working with clients individually, in group programs, and in company settings to do the same. Welcome. The information in this podcast should not be considered personal, individual, or medical advice. 

Hello, Insatiable listeners. I am going to do a solo episode here today. A quick one for me on how we approach Halloween candy in our home for our son, Eça, and the three rules we adhere to. And if sugar is something you're thinking about, especially these next couple of months, I'll also include our top 3 insatiable episodes related to sugar in the show notes. Now I know regular insatiable listeners come to me for the nuance.

Ali Shapiro [00:01:45]:
So I need to start with what I mean by rules. Traditionally, food rules are pretty rigid, especially when it comes to nutritional rules. And we also tend to think about them as absolute, meaning, okay, they apply in all situations. So, like, never bring tempting food in the house. Or if you're into anti diet culture, have whatever you want in the house. I think of rules differently. My rules are rooted in biology, meaning here's how your body works. Here's how to best eat to support yourself.

Ali Shapiro [00:02:18]:
And biology, in this case, is physical health, of course. But it's also emotional health, I. E. Belonging. Right? How much do we feel we matter? That's like the heart of my work. So the holidays are meant to cultivate this sense of togetherness. Right? This means I have the safety of a plan, but it's a flexible plan so I can adapt it to real life. Also, while this is how I'm approaching Esa's Halloween candy, this is also how I approach Halloween and more generally sugar for myself.

Ali Shapiro [00:02:51]:
The idea that there's kids foods and adult foods is a marketing strategy. And why I focus on biology is because while all bodies are different, they all share the same biological foundations. So they give us a really great, solid place to start from. And then you can iterate once you have the basics done. And I'm gonna talk about some of those today. So relating this specifically to Halloween candy for our family means we make decisions and that's Carlos and I. We're we're pretty much on the same page with this stuff. We focus on like 3 levers of biology Blood Sugar, Immunity and the Joy Factor in Halloween.

Ali Shapiro [00:03:35]:
And I know joy with food can be actually complicated because a lot of people enjoy eating their food but don't love how they feel afterwards But when I talk with clients and we really kind of get into things, there's this understanding that often they're not even enjoying when they're binging or overeating. Right? Yeah. The taste feels good, but there's not a holistic sense of joy. So I'm looking for the joy in the process and also afterwards, meaning you don't feel horrible. Right? And not just like guilty, horrible, just meaning like fog, trouble sleeping or an SS case more deregulated and meltdown. Right. So joy equals in the process and the outcome. And this joy is important because this sense of our belonging that comes from shared food traditions influences our biology.

Ali Shapiro [00:04:28]:
Yes. Joy that comes from belonging and the safety, the sense of safety that comes from belonging and how we can rest in that influences our biology. And if you're curious about that, more information on that, listen to episode 280 with Doctor. Deborah McNamara. We get into what neuroscience tells us about belonging, etcetera, etcetera. And of course, we'll link to that in the show notes. So back to blood sugar. Blood sugar determines our hunger, cravings, moods and energy.

Ali Shapiro [00:05:00]:
So for preschoolers, which ESSA is, who are testing boundaries and still learning how to manage big, big feelings, I believe blood sugar balance is the key to survival. It is one of my parenting hacks. In other words, you're not adding any more fuel to the fire here. Sometimes health is what isn't there. According to reputable sources like the Cleveland Clinic, UCLA Health, and others, about 70% of our immune system is in our gut or our digestive system. And so sugar can really tax our immune system. For example, people think about now through winter as cold and flu season. Or is it also in part, a mute low immunity season from all the sugar? And because, come on, it's not all about the food.

Ali Shapiro [00:05:51]:
We're also out of sync with the seasons. People go, go, go with the holidays. There's financial stress. We have election stress this year. And in my opinion, we're still catching up from the COVID isolation over the past few years. This meant our immunity resilience decreased because we weren't regularly exposed to pathogens for our immune system to get stronger. I know the past 2 winters, even starting with Thanksgiving, we've been hit because we were isolated for so long. Right? It's only going to be really the 2nd year, I think.

Ali Shapiro [00:06:26]:
What is time? Right? The 2nd year since things really opened up. I think things really opened up in 2022, 2023. So we're still catching up from that. So if SS starts to show signs of a cold or being run down, Halloween candy will take a giant pause. And then there's the joy that I talked about. So, again, my work is around food as safety, specifically belonging. And this includes allowing food traditions to make us feel we belong and connected to something bigger than that, that can support us. So Halloween is definitely in that category of lots of opportunity for joy.

Ali Shapiro [00:07:05]:
Joy isn't only about food. I actually had no idea decorations were so important. I mean, our neighborhood goes all out. And when we walk to day care in the morning, Esther's always commenting on them and saying, when are we gonna put up decorations? Right? But they I just thought of them as, like, a time suck. I don't have right now. But, you know, I've been saying maybe next year, kid. But now I'm reconsidering that. I think we'll make some with his arts and crafts supplies and put them up outside.

Ali Shapiro [00:07:36]:
We won't do quite the elaboration that many of our neighbors have, but we can enjoy their efforts and we'll make some of our own. But this is a good example of how we can be so focused on the food that we forget to partake in the other opportunities for joy or fulfillment that surround something like Halloween. And if we don't take in that part, we will definitely then often feel like we need to overcompensate with the food. So I share all of this backstory here in this definition of rules because I don't have hard and fast rules. Just these considerations that help me respond to what's emerging here in our little neck of the woods. And again, while I'm focused on ESSA for these rules, I use these same principles, guidelines for me. And also on another note on rules, in my opinion, the reason people seek out rules and try to follow them is to make us feel psychologically safe or emotionally safe. And the fact that if I follow this nutrition rule or fact, I'm being good.

Ali Shapiro [00:08:38]:
And good is most often a stand in for I will lose weight. I won't gain weight. I'll be healthy or my symptoms will clear up. Or good moms don't let their kids eat the dyes and chemicals and Halloween candy. Or good moms don't restrict what their kids eat because they don't want to pass on diet culture. Because health and our relationship to food has become my life's work. I have cultivated a lot more flexibility around any hard and fast rules or belief. This has enabled me to not feel beholden to what others think of as a good mom.

Ali Shapiro [00:09:14]:
For now, I'm confident in our moderation is the new radical approach to how we're handling SS holistic growth and development. And because we're all bringing our own baggage to what you hear on this podcast, some of you may think I'm too lenient. Some of you may think I'm too strict. And that's okay. Right? You may think my idea of moderation is different than what you would do. And that's great. You do you. Right? I feel really confident in how we're approaching everything right now, which also brings me to another nuance.

Ali Shapiro [00:09:45]:
I'm sharing what works for our family. I am not saying this is what everyone else should do. I often think, Esa and I and Carlos go look for the full moons when they're out. And when I look up at that big sky, I think about how mysterious the world is. And so for any of us to think we know the right path for ourselves forever or for other people is just it's like mind boggling. Right? But, anyways, so this is what we are doing for this this era of Esa's life. We are so lucky that Esa has an uncomplicated health history. The most intervention he's had was a Mucinex for that wicked cold last December that he got at school.

Ali Shapiro [00:10:29]:
And I think Motrin once or twice while teething. I can't remember. I was so sleep deprived. But this makes the flexibility a lot easier. And he doesn't have any challenging behavioral or developmental issues. If he did, I'd probably have to be more strict with his diet based on if the issue could be influenced by nutrition, which a lot of them can. Doesn't mean it's the only thing. Right? That's all we need to say is like, oh, take out seed oils and it'll fix everything.

Ali Shapiro [00:10:57]:
No. Most people are more complicated than that. But I'm sharing all of this because it's easy to want to compare ourselves to others and it's also not fair. We all have different circumstances. I'm offering this episode so you can have a different way to think about rules and to learn from an example of a health conscious family who knows we have to do a lot of things counter to mainstream culture, but we also know belonging or the enjoyment of a cultural holiday is really important. So take what resonates and leave the rest. It's called discernment and that's what I teach my clients all the time. Also, my decision making would have to change if I had other things to consider.

Ali Shapiro [00:11:34]:
Okay? I'd probably have to lean more into blood sugar and immunity over joy. And as he gets older, there for sure will be more complexity. But for now, at almost 5 years old, these are our three rules for Halloween candy. Okay. So let's start with Halloween night. Whatever he wants to eat within reason. Our neighborhood is so fun for Halloween. It is a joy.

Ali Shapiro [00:11:58]:
The neighbors come out, we chat, and it's just like a big block party. For those of you who don't know, I live in Pittsburgh. And you might not know, but mister Rogers is from Pittsburgh. And my sister calls our neighborhood mister Rogers neighborhood. So you get a sense of the kind of revelry and fun that is there. So we'll eat dinner before we go out so his blood sugar is balanced. And now that I'm thinking this through, it's probably I think Halloween is on a weekday, which means he probably is gonna have had Halloween candy at school. So we're definitely gonna make sure he has a balanced dinner before he goes out.

Ali Shapiro [00:12:30]:
Sugar on an empty stomach just often makes you want more sugar and candy. Okay? So when we only look at food through a calories lens, we think, oh, calories are calories. But I'm actually looking at the nutrition that's gonna satiate him. So when we have real nutrition that satiates us, it's easier to weather what sugar does to our blood sugar. And we'll also be walking which helps with insulin control. So it's an actually an ideal environment to eat candy. I doubt he'll want to eat more than a few pieces and I know too much will interfere with his sleep. So even if he wants more than, say, like, 3 or 4 pieces, I'm gonna put the kibosh on that.

Ali Shapiro [00:13:08]:
I'll probably have a few pieces with him if I feel like it and at least one because that sharing communicates we're doing this together. Whenever Essa wants to share food with me, I usually take at least a bite or 2 unless it's gluten. I still mostly stay away from that. Sometimes, if I think it's worth it all to take the hit, I will have it. But while we don't have sugar in the house regularly, Essa isn't deprived of sugar. I make him these spinach chocolate chip muffins for lunch. And I like, again, there's chocolate chips in them. He eats birthday cake at parties.

Ali Shapiro [00:13:38]:
He eats cookies at holidays and when we go places. And 3 pieces of candy for how tiny he is is like me probably eating 1 and a half candy bars or a supersized bag of gummies. So that's going to be how we'll handle Halloween night. 2nd rule, no candy in the morning. There's a general rule that we follow all year round that we don't eat sugar in the morning. So this will be no different than normal, so he won't expect it. And again, I make this decision through the lens of biology, specifically blood sugar. Eating sugar in the morning sets you up for a roller coaster of mood swings, crashing energy and often craving more sugar throughout the day.

Ali Shapiro [00:14:16]:
And it's interesting because while Essa definitely has more resilient blood sugar control than me because he's younger, so his biology is just more resilient than me, especially after menopause. His body's also a lot smaller than mine, So he's gonna be more affected by sugar in other ways. Right? So while we're at different ages, I have equal concerns for both of us. I want him to normalize not eating sugar in the morning for the most part. Now again, there's an asterisk on this. We were just traveling to DC via the Pennsylvania Turnpike to a wedding this past weekend. And we stopped and got coffee. Carlos and I got coffee at Dunkin' Donuts and he wanted some donuts.

Ali Shapiro [00:14:58]:
And I told him he could have munchkins. Okay? And I said you could have 1 and he picked out a chocolate one. The woman behind the counter gave him a bonus one. So he had 2 donuts then. Like, I'm like, whatever because it's not our norm. But in general, we I we do not eat sugar in the morning. Our kiddos metabolic health, which includes gut health, is really set during the 1st few years of life. And I want to continue to nurture the strong foundation we've been able to set for him.

Ali Shapiro [00:15:26]:
I also disagree with folks who think any sort of restriction is setting kids up for a disordered relationship with food. I think not supporting your biology and belonging or the lack of emotional safety is what mostly leads to disordered eating, in my opinion. And again, this food guidelines restrictions, we don't talk about weight in our house. I mean, we we might talk about it here and there if, you know, we're talking about the gym or something. I don't know. It's not chronic like it was in my family growing up, but it's not also something that's so, like, we don't talk about it in a dangerous way, I would say. We kind of normalize it when it does come up. So it doesn't feel forbidden or, like, why aren't you talking about that? I hope that makes sense to people.

Ali Shapiro [00:16:09]:
But again, I believe understanding how your body works from a biological standpoint and what will make you feel your best. And then also this belonging or lack of emotional safety is what mostly leads to disordered eating. Now when I say no sugar in the morning, again, as I use the example, the Dunkin' Donuts munchkins, it's not a hard and fast rule. Esa didn't eat any sugar until around 2 or 3. We had much more over his diet than he was. It was pandemic, so we didn't have as many outside influences to navigate. But even at daycare, when they have birthdays that are celebrated and the kiddos bring in, you know, cupcakes or their favorite foods, When he was 2 or 3 up to around 3 years old, I can't really remember again. Did I my memory? It's foggy around this.

Ali Shapiro [00:16:58]:
We asked them to skip giving Esa the birthday treats when he was like 2 till 3 ish. I can't really remember again that that cut off time. But as he got older and became more aware of this belonging piece and it felt like it was more about I want to be with what my friends are doing. We wanted him to be able to participate or feel part of the birthday treat celebrations or the holiday celebrations with his classmates. So he eats those treats at whatever time the school serves them. We're just kind of like, Okay. And we don't freak out about it because we don't have sugar on the regular basis in our home. And he's pretty aware that there's I don't want to say different rules, but a different and different environment.

Ali Shapiro [00:17:40]:
School versus home. And I use and this is just an example, I think, of how important the belonging pieces and why I factor it into our considerations is I used to make him these homemade snacks during school and he really ate them for a while. And then at one point, they got sent home and I said, oh, he's not hungry because we sometimes get worried that Esa isn't doesn't eat enough. And the teacher said, oh, he told the teachers he wanted to eat the school snacks all his friends were eating. Now they aren't the best snacks. They're not the worst. I put them somewhere in the middle. But to me, that belonging piece is so much more important and it tips it over the edge to let him have those snacks.

Ali Shapiro [00:18:17]:
But also, again, in those 1st 3 years when metabolic and gut health is really being set, it doesn't mean we can't make changes. And it's easier if you have that foundation. We didn't have him participate, but now the considerations have changed because that belonging piece is much more important. So this is the flexibility with these levers I'm talking about. Okay. And last rule, we curate what Halloween candy stays in the house. Now I'll probably take a few handfuls of candy to sing for him based on his favorites, which he said were gummies. He also loves chocolate like his mother.

Ali Shapiro [00:18:54]:
Carlos doesn't really like a lot of sugar, but I love chocolate and so does Esa. And if there's like organic or no diet options or healthier choices in his his bag, we'll choose those. Right? And they'll just sit there in the cupboard for when he asked for it. And he can have one or 2 if he isn't sick or showing signs of getting sick. And Esa tends to be pretty good at regulating himself to 1 or 2 pieces of any candy or sugar he has. We try to get him to eat something nutritious first so his blood sugar is better balanced, but that doesn't always happen. Like if he comes home from school and is like, can I have I mean, he's never I don't think really done this, but Oh, I know an example when this happens? We go out to eat and this restaurant has those like green Andes candies chocolates. I hope you all know what I'm talking about because they're delicious And whenever we go into the restaurant, he's like, can I have chocolate? Can I have chocolate? We're like, after dinner And I know the intuitive eating and anti diet folks say, hey, serve the chocolate with dinner But that's not how we're rolling I can see the case for that But for me, I want his blood sugar to be balanced.

Ali Shapiro [00:19:57]:
And again, there's a lot of things we say no to with Esa, so it's not just food. So I don't think he's like, my parents aren't letting me eat chocolate. I think he's thinking, I don't always get my way. And whenever he asked for, say, like, a second piece of chocolate or candy or whatever it is of sugar, Carlos and I do always check-in together to see how overall regulated he is. Like, he he's tired and loopy. We go up to bed with no sugar. If I didn't sleep the night before, not that I eat a lot of sugar, but if I was thinking about it, I make extra consideration because I really wanna get a good night of sleep. But if he's well regulated.

Ali Shapiro [00:20:33]:
Right? He slept well. He's just not having an emotional day. Maybe he's not in a developmental leap. We'll give him a piece of chocolate or 2, especially if it's in the afternoon and not directly before bed. Esa already falls asleep late, which means Carlos and I are extra sensitive to not adding to an already late bedtime for him and by extension for us. Remember, chocolate has sugar and caffeine, which can keep those tiny bodies even more wired. So and I wanna bring this up because I've been talking to a couple of people lately who have found that intuitive eating is really challenging for them. And I just wanna normalize that for people who've had challenges with the intuitive eating framework.

Ali Shapiro [00:21:16]:
Until raising a child, I figured we all intuitively knew as kids how to eat. And then for those of us who struggled with food, that intuition was, like, tragically interrupted. But I no longer believe that kids need a lot of support and guidance with how to regulate themselves from their emotions to food. And intuition is based on pattern recognition. And I think our food supply is designed to interrupt that pattern recognition. So we eat more and more and food companies sell more. This is known. So I'm not saying anything most of you don't already know.

Ali Shapiro [00:21:54]:
But I think this idea that, yes, we want to trust kids around forcing them to eat or not eat. But kids also need boundaries. They also are challenged to manage their emotions. Like I said, one of the things we're actually, like, working on is making sure Es is eating enough because all he would want to do is play, play, play. And then, you know, we'll put him down for bed and he's like, I'm starving. So I view it as our job to be like, okay, we breakfast together, you eat lunch. Right? This this regular foundation of predictability sends a signal of safety to his body So I just share all that because I don't think intuitive eating is as easy as it sounds. And I don't think kids know their bodies right off the bat.

Ali Shapiro [00:22:40]:
The same way I didn't know my kid, Esa, right off the bat. I have had to learn him. And I think each of us have to learn our biology. Of course, that gets interrupted from diet culture, from the food system, from stress, from extreme restricting, for sure. But it's a skill set. This is why we have guardrails in our home around Halloween candy and sugar in general. And for the rest of the candy, we'll find a way to get it out of the house. My dad loves Halloween candy.

Ali Shapiro [00:23:11]:
So when he comes over, we have a big stash in the freezer for him. My mom, actually, it's she's getting like ice cream. My dad's birthday is coming up. It's the day after SS. She's like, will you guys buy the ice cream and just bring it over? Because she's like, it won't last in our house. So we have some stuff for my dad in the freezer. Last year, I took it to the gym. So we'll just find a way to disperse of it because I do not like to waste food, even if it's, you know, candy.

Ali Shapiro [00:23:41]:
So that's how we approach Halloween candy in our home. Yes, I know Esa is going to probably be eating some horrible dyes and probably even high fructose corn syrup. And I know his body is resilient and can handle these occasional hits because the joy, fun and belonging of it all is really important, too. And what keeps us wanting to be healthy isn't health for health sake, but so that we can enjoy life. Okay. That's it. That's all I got. I hope all of you have a happy Halloween season.

Ali Shapiro [00:24:19]:
And to my dear Esa, my miracle kiddo, who made me believe some things are destiny and who will turn 5 right before Halloween. You are one of the greatest loves of my life. Happy birthday, and happy Halloween, kiddo.