Have you ever felt the weight of family expectations crushing your own needs and desires? In this enlightening episode, we explore the transformative power of setting boundaries for self-love and emotional well-being. Drawing inspiration from a heartfelt conversation with a friend who needed to alter her family dynamics for her mental health, we unpack the complexities of defining acceptable behavior in relationships and the critical role boundaries play in maintaining balance. Special attention is given to the unique challenges faced by those from cultures with strong family expectations, offering strategies to overcome guilt and prioritize self-awareness for identifying personal comfort levels.
By embracing the bravery and resilience required to stay true to oneself amidst traditional norms, this episode provides key steps for establishing effective boundaries: identifying your needs, communicating assertively, keeping explanations simple, and setting consequences. Discover the profound benefits of healthy boundaries, such as increased autonomy and peace of mind, and how they can positively influence others in your life. Empower yourself with the knowledge that you deserve respect and kindness, be inspired to fill your own cup first, and understand how doing so allows you to better support your loved ones. Connect with me on Instagram to share your journey and insights!
Have you ever felt the weight of family expectations crushing your own needs and desires? In this enlightening episode, we explore the transformative power of setting boundaries for self-love and emotional well-being. Drawing inspiration from a heartfelt conversation with a friend who needed to alter her family dynamics for her mental health, we unpack the complexities of defining acceptable behavior in relationships and the critical role boundaries play in maintaining balance. Special attention is given to the unique challenges faced by those from cultures with strong family expectations, offering strategies to overcome guilt and prioritize self-awareness for identifying personal comfort levels.
By embracing the bravery and resilience required to stay true to oneself amidst traditional norms, this episode provides key steps for establishing effective boundaries: identifying your needs, communicating assertively, keeping explanations simple, and setting consequences. Discover the profound benefits of healthy boundaries, such as increased autonomy and peace of mind, and how they can positively influence others in your life. Empower yourself with the knowledge that you deserve respect and kindness, be inspired to fill your own cup first, and understand how doing so allows you to better support your loved ones. Connect with me on Instagram to share your journey and insights!
Instagram: @jacendamarie
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Hi, loves, welcome to the Journey to the Soul podcast. I am your host, jacinda Villa, a spiritual life coach and holistic health coach. Every week, we will be diving deep into all things purpose, wellness, spirituality and creating the life that you dream of. This space is meant to be safe and transformative for you to dive into the deepest parts of yourself. I will share what I have learned from my journey along this path years of research and mentors along the way. Having spent many years living life out of alignment and afraid to go after my dreams, I know firsthand what it means to take the first step down, living a life authentic to you. We are on this road of self-discovery together. It is time for you to live the life you imagined. Hello, beautiful souls, welcome to another episode of this week's podcast.
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Another episode of this week's podcast. I hope you had a beautiful weekend. I hope it was nourishing for you and you are enjoying the warmer days that are approaching. The summer solstice is just a few days away and you could definitely feel it. It has been particularly warm where I live in Nashville has been particularly warm where I live in Nashville, so I am just kind of not spending as much time outside during the middle of the day and I actually craved a slower weekend as well. So that's really what I'm doing this weekend is just spending more time with myself to nourish myself. There's been a lot of socializing in the last couple of weeks of my life and I am definitely an introvert and I need to fill my cup up by myself and doing things that make me feel grounded and relaxed. So I just have the weekend to do that and to bake and to read and to cook and to go out on a walk when it's not too hot. So I hope you guys are enjoying the soon-to-be changing of the season as well.
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This week's episode is actually inspired by a conversation that I had with a friend a few days ago and she was sharing with me something that she's been going through. She's been going through an evolution and came to the realization that she needs to change certain dynamics in her family for her emotional well-being, and we were discussing the importance of creating loving boundaries and what that looks like. I know so many people struggle with this setting boundaries for ourselves and for our well-being. I know I struggled with this for many, many years myself, and a few key things about boundaries is that boundaries are essentially defining what is acceptable behavior in a relationship, what is acceptable behavior in a relationship, what you are okay with, behavior that makes both parties in the relationship feel safe. And boundaries are so essential for your well-being and for you to have positive relationships. They are necessary.
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Sometimes, boundaries also differ from person to person, from culture to culture, from relationship to relationship. So, although you might need to have stricter boundaries with one person, that might not be the case with another person. But in order to set boundaries, in order to really put that into motion in our lives, it requires self-awareness. First, we need to be able to identify what we are and are not comfortable with, and this is something that so many of us were not taught from a young age, because many of us come from families or had an upbringing where there was no boundaries, where everything was okay to say or do regardless of anyone else. We grew up where perhaps expressing our needs was bad or considered selfish. This was something that perhaps we were brought up to believe or were explicitly told, and as I was having this conversation with my friend, I was having this conversation with my friend there were so many things that I understood and resonated with her because, particularly in this situation, in our culture, in Latin American culture, it's very common for you to basically put your family first in everything that you do. There are certain expectations in like the Mexican culture, for example, about how children should be with parents, how they should care for them and certain things like that. So there are certain expectations with my culture in particular and we were discussing that, but this could range from person to person, of course.
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If you feel like you need to set boundaries with someone in your life, do it. It is so important for you to be okay and this is something that we're going to discuss in today's episode of why it is so important, how this can be detrimental to our well-being and why it is so necessary. And when we think about setting boundaries, we may feel a lot of things come up. We may feel guilty, like we are letting the people we love in our life down. What will they think? What will they say? Perhaps we avoid doing it because we know there will be some backlash or confrontation on their end, know there will be some backlash or confrontation on their end.
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There's a few things that I want you to keep in mind as you're listening to this One is that it is not your job to solve anyone's problems your mom's problems, your sister's problems, your brother's problems, whoever it may be. If trying to be there for the people you love is inhibiting you from setting boundaries that you know are needed, I would encourage you to look at why you are avoiding them. Many times it's because we want to help those we love, but if it is at a detriment to ourselves and our needs, that is not love and we are doing it for the wrong reasons. Number two you can't help anyone unless you help yourself first, and I'm pretty sure I have discussed this in another episode at some point, but in this scenario it is so key. If you are a recovering people, pleaser, this may be particularly hard for you to wrap your head around. To wrap your head around.
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If we have grown up our entire life putting someone else's needs above our own, we slowly deplete ourselves. It is inevitable. In order for you to help the people around you with the best ability, in the best possible way that you can, you need to be okay first. This is mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Empty cup. Boundaries are a form of self-love. It's a way of filling your cup. If you really want to help the people in your life, you can do so much more by focusing on being the best version of yourself. If not, you will always be pouring from a cup that is half empty. If not, you will always be pouring from a cup that is half empty. And wouldn't you rather be able to give 100% of you to the people in your life that you actually want to make a difference, in than from a cup that is only 50% full?
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If you are tuning into this episode, it's because perhaps you intuitively know that something needs to change with someone. Perhaps you have reached a preface with your family dynamic and it drains you more than adding lightness into your life. Or this can be with a friend or a colleague, it can be anyone in your life, and many times this is something that has been happening in the background of your life until you finally can't take it anymore, until you realize how much it is actually draining you and affecting your well-being your well-being. It's not uncommon for there to be someone in the family who is more aware of these dynamics and how they are toxic, someone who is more open or perhaps more spiritually evolved, they can see clearly how this is not right or healthy for anyone. If this is you, it is because you have been given the gift to have this insight and to see the world through a different lens. Many times, it is these people who are meant to help break generational trauma, which is what most of this is. You are meant to show that there is another way that, as a family, you can have a healthy relationship. Where you speak from the heart, where you take in the feelings of those around you and speak kindly, where you honor each and every person and their needs, where you understand that you are all different and what you need and desire will be different as well. You will learn to honor these differences in each other.
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The biggest thing about establishing boundaries is that this path of doing so is not easy. Family dynamics are so intricate for so many different reasons. Our family is our first deep connection to this world. This is where we first experience what it is to feel love and belonging. This is where we learn those things for ourselves. When we talk about putting this into practice, it really takes bravery and resilience, because doing something that is different than what is normal in these situations will be uncomfortable for your family. As an example, let's say you decide to start being mindful of your time with them because every time you are around, they don't respect your life choices and disrespect you. This will most likely make them feel uncomfortable, like they are being attacked in some way, like there is something wrong with you and not with them. And again, this comes from what they know to be true their lived experiences. This is where this reaction is coming from, and this can lead them to say things that are hurtful to you. They can lash out in some way.
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Boundaries can trigger a lot of things. For people, it might be a mirror of something that they are avoiding in themselves, something that makes them feel uncomfortable, and these are the moments where you need to be strong and hold your ground. You need to not take these things to heart and stay true to you and your needs in what you believe is true and right for you. You know what that is. No one else knows better than you. No one can tell you that what you're doing is not right for you. If families, or anyone for that matter, are not shown that things can be done in a different way, that is more conscious and heart-centered. They will never do that. By you being brave and choosing to set loving boundaries, you are showing them this. Otherwise, they only know what they know. You need to lead by example example, even if it's hard. You were given this gift of awareness for a reason. Something I want you to keep in mind as well as you work on establishing boundaries is that, regardless of what you are doing and how you are making these changes into your life, don't count on them to change. You can do the best that you can by lighting a different path to have loving relationships, but don't count on them to change. Simply focus on why you are doing this. Focus on you and your well-being.
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Many times, we want our families to see reason, but it is not up to us. When that happens, relinquishing control over that is one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves, because they need to come to the light on their own time and terms, and this is applicable to anyone. We can't change people. All we can do is show another way and hope that, with time, perhaps they will see another way. Even when you feel like nothing is happening in this regard, nothing is changing Know that you are planting seeds for the future, even if it's not with your immediate family, for your children. Again, you are setting the example of what is and isn't okay. By you staying true to you and your path, you may be expanding them in ways you can't see and, if they are meant to, in their own time, they may slowly come around, but many times we can't really see the impact that we have on the people around us. You just need to keep being the light to a different way.
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I'm going to share with you four easy steps on how to set boundaries. The first thing is to identify your desired boundary. You need to be able to define it. Number two is communicate. You need to be able to say what you need. Once you know what it is you want or need out of a relationship, perhaps it's not having certain things be said to you because they're disrespectful to your parenting. Perhaps Now you need to say that to the other person. So you need to say what you need to say. You need to be assertive and you need to assert your needs as a form of self-care, because this allows them to listen and just be clear and straightforward. Stay calm and collected, because they will feel your energy and it's so important that, again, we do it from a place that is from our heart, because that is truly where it's coming from. It's for your personal well-being. Your energy will do so much more for the situation, even if they don't reciprocate in the same way.
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Number three keep it simple. You don't need to over over explain or say too many things you really don't need to explain at all, and that is a huge thing for a lot of people. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life choices, but if you feel like you want to and it could benefit the situation, then do so and focus on what you would like the situation to be, not on what you don't like. Say, I'd like for you to perhaps not talk about these things when your child is in the room, or something like that. It can be whatever you need it to be. Number four set consequences. Say why it's important to you and if they don't abide, tell them what that consequence will be. Or you don't have to tell them a consequence. You can have a consequence for yourself. Perhaps that person in your life continues to not respect your boundaries, and a way for you to do that is for you to not spend as much time with them and, as a consequence, they simply won't see you as often as they'd like to. You can choose to say the consequence, if you'd like, again in a loving way. If you can't respect this boundary, I'm just going to have to be mindful about how much time I spend with you.
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What are the advantages of healthy boundaries? It gives you autonomy over your life. It allows you to feel a greater sense of peace, which improves your mental and emotional health. It helps keep your cup full by avoiding burnout. Cut full by avoiding burnout. It's an expander for the people in your life. In time, it could help influence their behavior. You develop a deeper sense of compassion for people.
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There are many different kinds of boundaries that you can set, and what we discussed here is really more emotional, mental and time boundaries. But the step for setting boundaries, for any kind of boundaries, is essentially the same thing. You want to define them, you want to communicate it in an assertive way, keep it simple and set consequences, and I know this is not easy for most people for a lot of reasons, but sometimes it is so necessary for our emotional well-being for our emotional well-being. So if you are tuning into this episode, I invite you to think about if there are any relationships in your life that really aren't nourishing you, that perhaps bring you down, that demean you, relationships that perhaps are not filling your life up in a positive way. Do you think that putting a boundary down may help the situation? It may help you feel more at ease and peaceful. I really invite you to look at these parts of your life.
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I hope that this episode comes to you at a divine time and, if you do need to set boundaries, know that you are so capable and so worthy of being respected and treated in a way that is loving and kind, and that you are simply here to light the way for those that you are setting boundaries with. You are showing them a different path. So be resilient, be fearless as you do this, because you are truly expanding their level of awareness. I will talk to you all in my next episode. I'm sending you so much love and light. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode, and share this message with any friends and family. I'd love to hear your takeaways, so share them with me by leaving a comment below or heading over to my Instagram at Jacinda Marie, I am sending you all so much love.
