No matter what race you are, what gender you are, or what your cultural background is—there is someone that will always be there for you. When you are going through rough seasons, there is someone who can and will pull you out of those dark chapters. There is someone who you can put all of your trust in. In a world where it seems like we are seriously lacking fathers, there is hope for the fatherless.
In this episode, Justin and Don share their touching stories of parenthood and recognize the one who never leaves—the one who leads and is always present. Let's break down what it means to be a father (what does it take?) and learn about The One who is a father for everyone.
Thebetteryou.org
No matter what race you are, what gender you are, or what your cultural background is—there is someone that will always be there for you. When you are going through rough seasons, there is someone who can and will pull you out of those dark chapters. There is someone who you can put all of your trust in. In a world where it seems like we are seriously lacking fathers, there is hope for the fatherless.
In this episode, Justin and Don share their touching stories of parenthood and recognize the one who never leaves—the one who leads and is always present. Let's break down what it means to be a father (what does it take?) and learn about The One who is a father for everyone.
Thebetteryou.org
Justin: [00:00:00] Hi, everyone. This is Justin
Don: Obrantz. And this is Don Schaefer.
Justin: And this is the Wise and the Wandering podcast, for those who know the way and for those who are led astray. And if you feel like you fall into any of these categories, then you're in the right place. So let's dive in and
Don: what are we gonna talk about today?
Don: Well, I guess we're gonna talk about a father for everyone. Interesting topic.
Justin: Yeah, I think that is the [00:01:00] topic for today. And I think it's so needed In in today's time period and I would say that when I came up with the idea of this title It was to just explain to everybody that everyone has a father.
Justin: Yes, they do no matter where you come from no matter what race you are, no matter what gender you are, everyone has a father. We do. Even if, even if you didn't have a father. Physically, everyone has a heavenly father. Yes, yes we do. I guess, knowing that, why do you think it's so important to have a father?
Don: Well, you know, like you were saying, Justin, everyone has a natural father. And, um, you know, a lot of fathers aren't present, but we were, We all need a father to be birthed into this world, and I think, it's a type, it's a type of what God has meant for us in the spiritual side of things. He's meant it to be in a natural side, [00:02:00] but on the spiritual side, our heavenly father is perfect in all his ways, and he knows how to take care of us.
Don: He knows how to nurture us, but we have a real epidemic going on in our world today of fatherless. Households where the natural fathers are absent and it's causing lots of issues in people's lives Because there's a real purpose and meaning behind the fact of having a father in a household Yeah And I
Justin: think not having that father directly takes that purpose away from that family or away from that household Yeah, I would directly correlate that to not having your Heavenly Father in your life strips that purpose from that life and from that household.
Justin: And I think that, it's definitely so important to have a father for many reasons, but I think there is a difference in Somebody who's grown up in the millennial generation like myself and basically how things were when you grew
Don: up Baby [00:03:00] boomer. Yeah, baby boomer, but ancient
Justin: but there's definitely a difference in terms of Family structure.
Justin: Oh there is and there's a difference in terms of Moral structure, you know religious structure, but I think when it comes to the family structure, there's a lot of people That don't have fathers. There's going to be a lot of people growing up that don't have fathers for various reasons. There's people that the father illnesses, um, There's people that lost their fathers to mental illnesses, diseases.
Justin: Whatever the reason is, I think we're growing up into a society that has a lot of fatherless
Don: homes. Oh yeah, for sure.
Justin: And I think that it's important to note that Even if we didn't have what you're saying a natural thought that we do have A heavenly father. Yeah, we all are children
Don: of [00:04:00] a father. That's right.
Don: That is so true. Because I know we say our father who art in heaven, you know, hallowed be thy name. So we do have a heavenly father, but inside of us, all of us were created with a need for a father. And we have a need for a natural father as well as a spiritual father. And the problem, I mentioned a little bit about the epidemic.
Don: That our society is going through right now. Yeah, you're right, Justin. Things have changed drastically from like 50, 60 years ago. I mean, there's a lot of, uh, single family homes, a lot of, you know, breakup situations. It never used to be that way. I think the family was meant to be a unit and that we were meant to have a father in it.
Don: And there's a role that fathers take play in a household and a lot of the, areas that a father is needed. A lot of people are growing up without that. And I know, uh, this is a Malachi that in the latter days, God is going to turn the hearts of the father back towards their children. That's where [00:05:00]our hope and prayer is that the fathers will realize how important their role is in a relationship, as far as home is concerned, with their children and with their wife.
Don: Everything, you know, God has meant that to be that way. The fact is, I know, like, you look at marriage itself. You know, you look at the role of a husband and wife. It's all set up in our relationship with God. It was the first, uh, basic, uh, organization instituted by God. And from the very beginning, it was a role of a mother and a father having children.
Don: And it was to be the example that. Would fall into the spiritual relationship with our Heavenly Father. He is meant to be our Father. We are His children. And He wants to father us. And wants to be in relationship with us. And that's where our society today struggles with that. In a lot of different areas.
Don: And hopefully, you know, in this whole segment here, we can explain a little bit, uh, what the roles might be and what sometimes happens without, uh, people realizing it when the father is absent in a [00:06:00] home, but also giving hope for the person who hasn't had a father. Because a lot of people live a very destroyed life because their dad or their father was not there.
Don: For them and they lived their whole life that way and like Justin's saying our heavenly father is wanting to fill that need So there's always hope, you know There's always someone to fulfill the need of a natural father and sometimes people really struggle, you know, and they get into You know substance abuse a lot of different things trying to kill that pain You know, you wonder why people are sometimes addicted to this and that a lot of times there's a pain that they're trying to kill and uh when we get to Having an understanding that yeah, a natural father is there and we're gonna talk a little bit more about that.
Don: But the spiritual father is always there, and that's where we turn our hearts towards him and allow him to work on us.
Justin: Yeah. And I think that's so important to note. And I think you, you touched on something about us being the children of God. [00:07:00] Yeah. And I think the Bible refers to that as adoption.
Justin: That's the process. Yep. Where we're essentially, before we're children of God, we're children of wrath. Because of our sin, essentially, by nature, and then through the adoption process, we become children of God by grace. Yes, yes. This is the way it's explained. And the way this happens It has its own origin in God's love, and its foundation, I would say, in Jesus, um, who is uniquely the Son of God.
Justin: So we're all brothers and sisters in Christ when we're essentially born again or when we've been adopted. And I would say that to have a father is so important because it gives structure to the home, I think, the father is going to provide structure in the home is
Justin: and just like the heavenly father in your life is in charge of the discipline [00:08:00] in your life, the, uh, the father is so important for the discipline in the home. Yes. And I think it's a hard one to talk about because. There's so many different backgrounds, and there's so many different, experiences, and situations, and, explanations for why someone might or might not have a father in their life.
Justin: But the importance here is, like you were saying, to explain the hope. The hope to know that everyone, and I think that's, I think that's something that. Everybody needs to hear but I think it's it's something that's it's uh, too simple to understand Yeah, but it really
Don: is the truth.
Don: Yeah, we all need a father and I think you touched on something here Justin when you talked about discipline in a household because I know the bible says that foolishness is in the heart of the child, but the rod of correction drives it far from him. And I think a father's role sometimes in a household is to bring that, discipline and get a [00:09:00] person walking the path they should.
Don: And I know a lot of times I look at people and I say, I can tell if they're fathered or not by the foolishness of the things they do. Because a lot of times I know myself growing up. My dad wasn't always my best friend, but he certainly kept me from doing a lot of things that probably would have affected my life in bad ways because I had a certain respect and fear of him because he brought discipline.
Don: And I think a father does that in a household, you know, and tries to get the person living the life they should. And also too, you know, it's interesting in life. A lot of people struggle with having a disciplined life. You know, they have a life where they, they're constantly having, not being able to control themselves or whatever it might be.
Don: And I think you learn this at a young age. And I think a father is big because a lot of times, you know, mom, she does a lot for people, a lot in the household. She's the one who runs the household. But, uh, but it's dad sometimes that he lays the law down. He's the one that has the authority. [00:10:00] I think God has given him sometimes a tone of voice.
Don: To, uh, you know, cause I remember my dad, Donald, whenever he said that, I knew I was in trouble. You know, it's just a, just the voice of having him around, you know, kind of scared, scared me straight. A hundred
Justin: percent. Yeah, and that's something that you need. Sometimes you need to be scared into, following the correct paths.
Justin: Talk about some of the, I would say the traits of a good father. Basically between the traits of a good father and draw a parallel to the traits of our Heavenly Father. And show you how those things connect, how those things are, directly in relation to each other. For instance, I think a good father is compassionate.
Justin: I think a good father is selfless. There's a bit of selflessness there. Yeah. I think a good father makes himself
Don: available. Yeah. He
Justin: [00:11:00] makes the time. I agree with that. I think he's present. You know, we talked about in some previous topics here about living in the present. I think a good father lives he's present.
Justin: He lives in the present, but he's, he is present in your life. I think that a good father leads by example and the key word is that he leads, you know And I think if you would draw a parallel You would see that the Heavenly Father is all those things. The Heavenly Father is compassionate.
Justin: Yeah,
Don: he's so completely
Justin: selfless He's he's leading you by example And he's always present
Don: in your life. Yeah, he does wonderful things. And, you know, and that's what Justin is saying is true. Because there are characteristics. Because I know fathers are committed. I know myself. When Shirley and I first got married, it was a long time ago.
Don: But we were quite young. You know, we were quite young. The fact is, I think I was 22 years old when we had our first [00:12:00] child. And, um, Lisa, but we were kids. We were kids and see you have a different perspective and I know myself it took me a while to learn how to be a good father because like Justin saying you have to be committed to the role that you play as father and Having a developing the relationship with the child showing a child that they're loved showing and giving them the protection and knowing that The security of knowing that you're going to be there, all these types of things.
Don: What you do is you instill this. And like Justin mentioned, the example, a lot of times it's easy to say, you do as I say, not as I do, but that really doesn't work in fatherhood. You have to live that role and you should be living that for your child. Because what a child sees is usually what they become.
Don: I know myself, I usually go back to what my dad did. I know my dad changed oil in his.
Don: So if I go to change oil, which I don't do much of anymore, but it was [00:13:00] always Quaker state, why was that? Because my dad did that, right? You know, these are examples that, I think a father shows that household. And it's, and in loving your wife, loving the mother, you know, a lot of your children will grow up and they will remember the relationship that the father had with the mother, you know, and being able to love that mother and cherish that mother, respect the mother.
Don: These are all things that a child will grow up and it'll be a part of their life.
Justin: Yeah. And I think going back to drawing the parallels, you talked about being like your father and using the same oil as him. Yeah. To directly translate. It translates to your Heavenly Father because you want to be more like him.
Justin: The more you get to know him, you wanna be more like him. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. You wanna like the things that he likes. Yeah. You want to dislike the things that he dislikes. Yep. Yep. That's right. You wanna please him. Yep. And I think it's natural for children to wanna please their parents.
Justin: That's [00:14:00] right. So it's, important to note those kind of parallels there because just like. You talked about love, and I think that a parent's love for their child knows no boundaries at all. And I've realized that now, becoming a father, that there is no boundaries there for the love for your child.
Justin: And, You think about things completely differently when you're a father. Versus before when you're not a father. Your whole outlook on life changes. I mean everything, and I think that's another, correlation between God and his love for you. It has no, there's no boundaries there. That's right.
Justin: And people really need to understand that God loves them so much. Mm hmm. No matter where you are in your life, no matter what you're doing. Yeah. God
Don: loves you. Yep. Yep. He's looking out for you. Your father loves you. This is true. Yeah, it's interesting too, you know, getting back to the examples and [00:15:00] stuff.
Don: That's our Heavenly Father really does want to be an example in our life and a lot of getting into his word and whatever you start to realize some of the principles and things that he has shown us and it's done. It wasn't like he put a book together and said, I want you to do this. But Jesus Christ actually came in the world and actually did it.
Don: So we've got a lot of examples of that. But I know, what's interesting to me is, uh, what a, I think a father speaks into the child's life. And that's where fatherless households is tough because I think a lot of what the dad says sticks. Because I know a lot of the words my father, the way I look at things, my attitude towards things, how I see it, a lot of it's all based by what my dad told me when I was young.
Don: And I remember one time with my boy, I was telling him, and I don't know where this is all going, but I was telling him that marijuana was the gateway. to, serious drugs. And he says, nah, it is, it doesn't hurt nobody. And this and that, and I said, okay, you know, this is, this is the way I think, you know, it's a gateway, but it was, um, you know, and I kind of, we kind of let it go, but then he was like[00:16:00] about 10 years later and all of a sudden he starts talking about, yeah, he says, marijuana is a gateway to a lot of the stuff that people get involved in.
Don: And I'm sitting there, where did you hear that? Where'd you hear that? So. What you say to your child, your opinions, what you think is good, what you think is bad, all this stuff, I think from a father, they take it in a certain way. It's almost like a word of authority that flows in that voice.
Don: And I know our heavenly father is the same way, but our natural fathers are important because they need to speak into their child. You know, you need to share, what's right and what's wrong because the child, the kid really doesn't know. And we live in a world right now that's very tough. Because there's so much out there that will lead your child, will direct your child and educate your child if you let them.
Don: And it's so important, as I know, for myself, just share a few stories here, but I used to, take my kids and we'd go to the park and we'd shoot baskets. My daughter, we'd go to the park and shoot baskets. But all the while we were shooting baskets, we were talking about life. We were talking about.
Don: Thoughts of [00:17:00] life for the future all this time, you know, so it's time where i'm pouring myself into the child And it doesn't matter what you do But I think a father has an opportunity to do that and what happens when you do it you get to know your child You know a lot of people they don't even know their children.
Don: I mean they know them by their first name You know They sired a child. They know the child's first name. But as far as what the child is doing Even my grandchildren, I sit down and I ask them, okay, what are your classes like? Which classes are you taking? What do you do in these classes and stuff of that nature?
Don: Just trying to get a feel for what they go through every day. So when they come home in a different way or whatever, or they call me up, I can ask them, so how was your English class today? This night, it means something. And I think a father or grandfather can do this. And I think it's a role that we have.
Don: Yeah, and I think what it
Justin: does is it creates a lasting memory in that, in that child's life. I don't think some people realize how impactful those moments are [00:18:00] and how because just like, It leaves a lasting memory in your child's life.
Justin: It's the same thing with God in your life. When he does something in your life, when he really moves things, when he's moving mountains in your life, and you can really see, you really see like, okay, I know this is God doing this for me. Yeah. Or when he's speaking to you through other people, or when he's just moving in general.
Justin: There's those moments where they create a lasting memory. They do. And you never forget them. And I think it's the same way for the children. They never forget those moments. Oh, yeah, your grandchildren will never forget those moments of how involved their, Grandfather was in their lives and stuff like that shooting baskets draining threes and asking them about their draining threes their
Don: english classes Yeah.
Don: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's so important and it's really one thing. I wanted to add to that is Doing things with your child, as far as projects and stuff, there's nothing I like more than having a bunch of, you know, young guys or whatever, and working with them. Because [00:19:00] you can father wherever you're at. You know, with young people, you might not be the natural father, but you can father them.
Don: You give them ideas, you give them thoughts. That's where, you know, you talk about fatherless. You know, a lot of times we're not all fortunate enough to have a natural father, but finding people that have a good solid, maybe spiritual understanding or whatever they can speak into you is, is priceless because I know myself, it's the people I hung around with when I was younger.
Don: This is where I learned how to act. I learned what to say, learned how to handle myself. Remember the first day on the job, I didn't know what to do, but I followed the older guys. They showed me this. So, you know, I think as you get a little bit older, you start to realize you're fathering all the time around young people because they need a father.
Don: We need to be fathered.
Justin: Yes. The wandering, I think all need a father. Yeah. And the wise need to be the ones that father the wandering. Oh yeah. And I think that that speaks a lot into life. And I think that speaks a lot into today's climate, that even though you don't have. [00:20:00] Maybe the privilege of having a father yourself, you can be a father figure to somebody else.
Justin: You can. You can. You can fulfill the purpose in your life that you weren't given the privilege of having. Oh yeah.
Don: I think,
I think that's something that speaks volumes because it's not necessarily about what you have, but what you're able to give. And I think it's the experiences that we go through life that allow us to be able to give to others.
Justin: I think it's those, it's those testings and those times that Give us purpose, we were living without meaning, but when we understand things and we start to see why we go through things, it gives us a purpose. When we start to see that maybe we didn't, have a father in our life, or maybe he stepped out on us, and left the family, we can ensure that that doesn't happen again.
Justin: Yep, that is true. And that's maybe easier said than done, but it's an opportunity. Um, living in the present moment. [00:21:00] Understanding your purpose, finding your gift, all these things are opportunities to make sure that you live the life that you want to live. That's right. Not that you don't have to live the life that was just created for you, that you have already lived, but you have the opportunity now to allow God into your life, to allow your Heavenly Father lead you by example and to lead you into the life.
Justin: That you've
Don: always wanted that's true because he imparts things into you You know when you start having that type of life you he imparts things into you and then as a father I'm speaking to the fathers out there. You are on display all the time. It's how you handle situations good or bad It's displayed your children are constantly reading you they're reading you and how you handle things Yeah, mine's only
Justin: two years old and I see that already.
Don: Oh, yeah. I know I'm like I want to Cute little story here. I'd like to tell stories, but I remember one time my boy borrowed my, I had a Suburban and he plays music and he had a, had a band. He took the [00:22:00] Suburban, they went someplace down by Milwaukee and they played music while I'm in bed, this is about three o'clock in the morning.
Don: I get a phone call. He ran out of gas, you know, and it was probably about an hour and a half from where we lived in the middle of winter. So I'm sitting there with my five gallon can of gas going out there And I poured it in the truck, you know, and guys were all there, you know There's about three four guys and I wished them well, you know, and I drove home and Jason my son.
Don: He says The guys couldn't believe the attitude because he, they were expecting me to be crazy mad and, and start saying words. Yeah. Just steaming. Oh yeah. All this sort of thing. But I didn't do that, but part of that is my relationship, like Justin saying, you know, when you have the Lord working in your life, he controls you and you see things differently.
Don: And I was just thankful it wasn't an accident or something like that. Gas is cheap, but I, you know, getting up three in the morning, you know, I'm driving out there. But when I got home, the next day, my boy says, [00:23:00] man, that one guy could not believe just how you managed to handle that. So it made me realize that everything you really do, you're on display as a dad with your family, with your kids, with the people around you and stuff.
Don: You're on display. So to be a good father, and that's where a lot of people, they don't have that opportunity. They're fatherless. That's where a lot of times in life, it's good to find. Good father roles, father figures, it might be a minister, might be a teacher, might be somebody in your life that has good solid principles and plugging yourself into that your heavenly father, he wants to take care of you on the spiritual side, and that's where is a natural father.
Don: What you do is you show by example, your relationship with your heavenly father. We say a lot of prayers before we eat, with our grandchildren, we say prayers before we go to, they go to bed and, uh, we always call upon God for certain needs. So whenever anything comes up, they call us, grandma, grandpa, will you pray for this?
Don: You know, we show the need to bring God into the picture and we explain it with them. And that's where, [00:24:00] you know, even though you might not have a natural father, you need to plug into the real father. The father in heaven, but you also need to find good people around you that can help father you. And that's where a lot of young people today have no natural father, but yet they're not plugged into other men that would be good role models for them.
Don: They plug into their friends, they plug into Facebook, whatever the different social medias, and they get their mind filled with all this stuff. Because they're looking for a voice of a father to speak into their lives and they're not hearing it. It's so true. They're not hearing it and it's it's tough because it's a lonely spot and that's where in our society We mentioned about we are in an epidemic right now of fatherlessness in our society because Fatherhood is a mystery to a lot of people people don't realize how important it is the role of being a father and being able to nurture a family Structure a family, put order inside of a family, helping that [00:25:00] child and giving that child a chance to grow up to be powerful in their lives because what you instill in that child, someday that young boy will be a father.
Don: And what is that father, that young boy gonna know about fatherhood? I know we get around a lot of people have no idea what it's like. A lot of people are afraid to get married. They're afraid of a lot of things because they're not secure. They don't understand the principles of it. That's all they see is the mess.
Don: That's all they see is the hurt and the pain. They're saying, what is life for? But you know, if you get yourself structured and get into an understanding of what father is, especially if you're young. If you're older, You can be the one, you can be the father and mother that you're meant to be. But if you're young, and you're struggling in life, find someone that's got it together.
Don: That's a, that's an adult and plug in. And sometimes even like podcasts like this or getting, you know, different things that you're looking into, what it does, it speaks into your life. , cause everything in life is spiritually imparted in you. You [00:26:00] know, God uses this, this source and this media.
Don: Yeah, to reach the hearts of people. So powerful, Justin.
Justin: Yeah, I think so. And I think that's what we are doing in this podcast. I think we are reaching the hearts of people and I think we will continue to reach the hearts of people. I think in the bible you talked about as far as just raising a child and setting a good example.
Justin: And I think in the bible in proverbs it talks about training up a child in the way he should go. Yeah, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Yeah, and I think that's definitely something That you have to do and I've noticed that with being a father myself as I'm constantly trying to be the best father Yeah, i've been doing that for My son's two years so far that and that's good.
Justin: I feel like I've been doing a good job so far. Yeah, I
Don: agree with
Justin: you, . And it's, it's something that I'm constantly, I'm constantly rethinking my approach to it because I, I don't think you ever fully have it figured out. Yeah. And I would just want to say to [00:27:00] people who are fathers. That you're, you're a good father and you're a better father than you give yourself credit for when you, we talked about this last week, but living in a world of comparison, it's really hard.
Justin: I mean, we're almost our own. Worst critics because we're constantly just comparing ourself to everybody else and maybe you know that person buys Their kids these shoes and they got this house. They got this boat, you know, or whatever the case is We're constantly falling into comparisons. And I think it's important to just understand how well you're doing and to again to give yourself more credit than you have been because you're Heavenly Father thinks more of you, I think, in some cases than you do.
Justin: And just like you're going to be all the things that you want for your child, your Heavenly Father is going to do the same for you. He's going to be a provider for you. He's [00:28:00] going to give you what you need, not necessarily what you want, but he's going to give you what you need. Kind of like what you're saying, it's almost like a supplement.
Justin: He's, he's going to, he's going to be the perfect supplement until you let them in, it's kind of hard when you don't have that supplement. You know, it's hard to get those results that you want. When you're missing that one
Don: ingredient. Yeah, that's true. That's true And what you're saying too is so true is I think there's an inheritance That's passed down and like justin was saying a little bit about the fact that you start to compare yourself to other fathers And some fathers are buying them Brand new pairs of, I don't know, Nikes or whatever they are.
Don: And, and, you know, so the, the father feels like, you know, I'm not really, giving my child a little, because the child's constantly wanting something new or better and this and that. But some of the best things you can give is an inheritance. And this is not saving up a bunch of money and whatever and passing it on to your children.
Don: But it's your [00:29:00] inheritance of your thoughts and the way you see things. You know, the things that you pass down about life, how to live life. Maybe how to save money, how to handle your money, you know, and and how to live properly and be principled Be able to set up your own standards and stuff and some of this is painful you know as a parent and raising children and even when in God because a lot of times, you know in the Bible even says that Jesus learned discipline by the things he suffered, you know So a lot of times as a parent, you have to discipline your children.
Don: That's not easy, because I used to have some children who tell me that I wasn't right in disciplining them, but I knew better than that. And, but you know, they learn, they know that because you love them, you're not just trying to inflict pain and or taking something away or whatever it might be.
Don: And they realize That they have limits because I know what I think a father does sometimes it is builds Boundaries around the household it [00:30:00] builds limits, you know our household. We don't go past the boundaries you go past the boundaries There's a price to pay so when the child is raised that way, you know, and that's where you like Justin's talking about banging yourself up.
Don: See, if you are still alive, I always tell people this. If you're still alive, you still have opportunity. So if you're a father, you still have opportunity. You have a way of changing and doing things in a proper way. And if you are fatherless, you still have an opportunity. You know, if you need a voice speaking into your life, fine.
Don: Uh, someone that has maturity because I know back in the olden days, this is back, you know, in biblical days They used to take the old guys and they'd set them up by the gates You know, and that's where the people would come in and out of the town past the gates But see when they reached a certain age they could sit at the gates and they would always advise You know the young people would come they would give them advice as far as what they It's a thought of things that the young people used to cherish this because there is wisdom because as you [00:31:00] get older you go through the hard things and sometimes you've made mistakes you learn by them.
Don: So when you reach a certain age you have a lot to share and that's where no matter where you are in life as far as a father, you need to realize that there's opportunity to help young people and turning towards your family. But if you're young and maybe fatherless, you need to look for these people in your life because they're the ones that have it together.
Don: They're the ones that have. Good direction and, and it's by example, if a person is broke and they're telling you how to manage your money, I wouldn't listen to them, you know, or if they're divorced three times, they're talking about marriage. I don't think I would listen to them, but there's a lot of good, stable people with good advice.
Don: And I think that's where a fatherless situation, these are what we should be looking for because it's priceless. You can't put money on that. And
Justin: that's so true because there's a lot of people out there that. I have no wisdom in anything and they're trying to tell you and direct you and guide you on what to do and they have nothing to offer you.
Justin: And I think it's [00:32:00] also just important to note that, when it comes to questioning your ability as a father and stuff like that, in general, in life, as long as you give it your best. As long as you just, in any situation in life, you identify what's right, what's wrong, you do the right thing, and you do it, you know, you give it your all, you do your best.
Justin: Yeah, yeah. You'll never have to second guess yourself. That's true. And if you're giving it your best, and you're allowing God to work into your life, Yeah. Then he's going to do the impossible. You can do what's possible and you can give it your best, but he's going to do the impossible and you're going to be blown away.
Justin: And it's with that combination of being the best father that you can be, if you have that opportunity or being the best mother that you can be, being the best parents that you can be, but also having the opportunity to allow. God to work his, you know, to work himself in your life through those ways, through that structure, like you're talking about, through that discipline, allowing God to be at the center [00:33:00] of everything is going to ensure that everything works, that the family operates as it should, and that everything is rooted in God itself.
Justin: You know, everything, everything has a foundation. That's the One of the biggest principles of a father in a home is there's the father really creates a foundation for the home and without the father, the home is without the foundation. And if you don't have a foundation in a home, the home is pretty much swept away and, you
Don: know,
Justin: tipped over.
Justin: So I think it's just always. Important to acknowledge what's going on around you, what you're allowing into your life, who you're allowing to speak into your life, who you're allowing to speak into your children's lives, because you have to protect them. You have to be a protector. Your Heavenly Father is a protector for you.
Justin: He'll never let you be stranded out in the desert. You might be wandering now. But you're not going to be wandering forever. Yeah, he's [00:34:00] going to protect you He's going to shelter you just like you would protect and shelter your own children. That's
Don: right. That's right and One concept I know and
Justin: I think we have belief and we have that innate Um, natural reaction response to things because we're made in the image of
Don: God.
Don: Yeah. Yeah, we are. We are. And, and as you were saying there, Justin, a lot of times you feel like you're all alone. You know, it was a hard concept for me to realize that God is present all over the place, you know. There's a lot of things I don't want him to see, but this, but he's present all over the thing.
Don: But, uh, like Justin was talking about building a solid foundation, that's That is true, too, because it gives you security, you know, and that's where a household that is solid, you know, where the mother and father love the Lord, raising their children well, there's a security, you know, and a lot of times people have been raised without that security.
Don: And it's, it's, you know, it is, uh, A rough situation because what happened is happens sometimes and I'm hoping that it's not happening to you, but we see it a lot out there There's [00:35:00]generational curses It goes from one generation to the next because it's a learn type habit a learn type understanding Because you came out of a divorce situation Maybe a fatherless home.
Don: Therefore you don't understand the importance of having a solid relationship. And I, you know, I talk with a lot of people from time to time, and I tell them, you need to wipe that out of your mind, you know. I mean, when you say your I do's, and when you bring a child into the world, that's a responsibility.
Don: You don't sit there and walk away from that sort of thing. I mean, you might have experienced it, you might have been a victim of that situation, but you can stop the generational curses. This is the end of this, you know, my household is going to be solid. I'm going to build the foundation. You take accountability.
Don: That's right. If some bad situation, if the finances fall apart, am I going to leave the household, you know, or whatever the circumstances are, you know, I'm not leaving, you know, I'm, I'm a part of this. I am going to be your dad, you know, no matter what the circumstances are. You [00:36:00]might not like me a lot right now, but someday you're going to be appreciative to me.
Don: And one thing I know, and I always tell people is, rules without relationship causes rebellion. You know, so I tell fathers that if you're going to set up a bunch of rules for your family, they better know that you love them because they're going to rebel. Bel against you. Yeah. And I often mention too, that kids don't all of a sudden decide one day that they're going to rebel against their parents.
Don: It's usually because they don't feel the love. Yeah. If they feel the love. So true. They know. So as fathers, you know, if you're in a household, what you need to do is you, every child, every person, you're a wife, everybody needs to know that you love them. Then it becomes very easy to follow the directions that you might be giving them because they're, they're not gonna decide to rebel against someone.
Don: They know has their back. Somebody that know cares about them is going to be there for them is committed to them is going to be consistent in their ways. You know, not wishy washy. They're going to be [00:37:00] solid. It's a foundational develops a level of trust. Oh yeah. There's nothing more. Comforting in that.
Don: That's where I, myself, it's hard because I didn't, I wasn't raised in that type of household. It's hard for me to fathom to having a shaky household where you don't know if mother and dad are going to be there the next week. Yeah, because it's easy to not do
Justin: those things and it's easy to just not care and to allow your children to be raised.
Justin: By other people, if you are a parent, if you're a father, if you're a parent in general, and it's easy to just kind of not get involved. It's easy to not be present. It's comfortable sometimes to not do those things, but your character is more important than your comfort. And I think that should speak through more areas of your life than just parenting, but definitely in parenting.
Justin: And I think building proper character is something that you have to do for your children. Building proper character is what [00:38:00] your children are going to judge you by. Like you're talking about being rebellious or not, your children are going to judge you, and they're going to, they're going to respond according to their judgment on you.
Justin: That's for sure. And you're constantly being looked at and viewed, but you're constantly being judged, too. Because Your kids aren't dumb. They understand what's going on around them. You taught them in your ways to be smart. You taught them like you, so they think just like you. So they're looking at you and they're observing, but they're judging.
Justin: Because they're looking at the way you respond to things, and now they might be able to understand on how to respond better than you are. So your job is to really go out of your way to build that character. Because it's not about your comfort. It's about, like you said, Breaking generational curses. It's about doing things.
Justin: Maybe grandpa did things differently and your kids are looking at The family and they're at, let's say they're at Christmas and they're seeing grandpa just going off and they see dad [00:39:00] just going off and they say, well, that's just what the family does, but he just gets all angry and just starts yelling at each other, but you can be the one that completely leaves.
Justin: breaks that cycle. You can be the one that builds the character and shows them, leads them by example so that you can turn things around in your family. Oh yeah. And I think that's a good opportunity for people because they'll understand. Generational curses, but it starts with changing your habits and changing your character and fully leading by
Don: example.
Don: Yeah, and that sometimes is not easy. And
Justin: also starting with taking accountability, taking ownership for how bad things have gotten up until that point to allow the change to take place.
Don: Oh yeah, yeah. Not an easy chat and task sometimes. Cause I know as Justin talks, I keep thinking of situations, but. I remember one time, I had a couple that, their daughter, uh, she was a teenager.
Don: They used to have to lock her bedroom door to keep her inside the bedroom. [00:40:00] And one time she crawled, it was an upstairs bedroom, and she crawled out the bedroom and jumped off the, uh, the porch roof. And she actually fractures her back and had to have a back brace on. But they come to me and they said, well, Don, you know.
Don: What should we do with our daughter? And they were looking for some, uh, profound answer or something that I could tell them, a formula or whatever. I told them, I said, what you need to do is you have to make sure that your daughter knows that you love her. Because for some reason, she's not getting that.
Don: She's not getting that message. And a lot of times the problems and struggles that cause fathers to give up is easily solved. And it's usually Because we do parenting classes once in a while, and a lot of people get excited because they think it's things for the kids to do, but when they get into the class they realize it's all about them, you know, it's things they need to do, because it is all about them.
Don: Your child, will respond to the way you treat them, you know, and [00:41:00] if you don't treat them and show that you care and building, have the character as Justin's saying, and treating them in a proper way, They're going to respond to that. They are a lot of times I see kids and they're a direct image of their household.
Don: The way they act and what's going on with them, their personalities, all that stuff. I tell parents, I can usually tell what's going on in the household by talking to your kids, you know, because kids, a lot, a lot of times they are a billboard for what's going on at home, you know, and that's where the role of.
Don: Fatherhood is ever so important in a household and I hope that, you know, what Justin and I are talking about a little bit gives you an understanding of, the role that an opportunity that we really have because a lot of our society today really doesn't look at it this way and we are struggling, you know, we are not meeting those needs.
Don: When I see kids doing what they're doing today in these big cities and stuff, I know where the problem is. The kids are a problem, but it started before the kids.
Justin: Yeah, we definitely have a parenting problem. [00:42:00] I think it's, I think it's kind of easy at this point to see that there is a parenting problem.
Justin: And I think that it's a hard thing to admit, but it's, something that you just kind of Have to acknowledge you have to admit. I mean the first step to changing anything is to acknowledge that there's a problem in
Don: general Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I say that
Justin: it's tough to be a parent It really is it is tough and that's something to acknowledge too.
Justin: It is tough, but it's time to assume responsibility Yeah, it definitely is time to assume responsibility we nobody wants to be accountable. Nobody wants to be responsible. It started with, you know, these parents that were bad parents that allowed their kids to go. in all different paths because they weren't assuming responsibility.
Justin: It's about time that we, we change things so that we take responsibility head on. We don't worry [00:43:00] about what other people are doing. We don't worry about how it affected us when we were kids and we were growing up and how it looked like in our own families when we were growing up and how we were treated by our parents.
Justin: We just assume responsibility. We take it head on. That's right. We give it our best effort, and we just keep moving forward. You never give up. You never abandon your child. You never leave your child, because that's what God does for you. He never gives up. When you mess up, He's still there for you. That's right.
Justin: When you need a place to stay. He's got the show for you. When you need the direction, when you need the guidance, he's going to direct you. He's going to guide you. And when you need the love, no matter what you did to offend him or upset him, he's
Don: still going to love you. That's right. He's, he's going to be there for you because I know like they said in Bethlehem, he had, they had no place for him.
Don: So he had to be born in a [00:44:00] manger. And that's the way a lot of times in our lives, we have no room for God, but as Justin is saying, he is there for us and God really does. Want the best as far as your household's concerned. He's wanting the best in all situations. Yeah, he's really the perfect father He is he really is and and that's where his word and his direction Is valuable, you know If we give him time we give him time and get give him an open need there and that's where yeah I think there's a lot of hope out there.
Don: I know, I'm going to throw a plug in here. I'm planning a four tape series called Raising Positive Kids. But it deals with, the different, segments of a child's life. And it talks about, what they need when they're young. And what the, when they're old. Sometimes what happens a lot of times is a child will become a teenager and what they needed when they were one or two years old was lost.
Don: there for them. And, uh, that's where we try to bring light to the fact that fatherhood from the very beginning is a very important thing. But there are things, you know, even if you or your children are teenagers, that can't be done for your child. But it, [00:45:00] like Justin said, it's a hard process for you as a father because it requires a change of life in you.
Don: And, but, but there again, God is the one that helps and makes those types of changes. So when we open up our life, because myself, I wasn't ideal as a father, but when the Lord came into my life, it gave me a different outlook. You know, because I started to realize, like Justin was talking about, the accountability, the responsibility.
Don: Building foundations. I started realizing all of this, the example, everything that I was doing, that I had sponges that was taking it all in. I had two kids running around, they were taking in every part of me. When I spend time with them, when I didn't, they know this, they feel this. You know, and that's where I know, a lot of people don't have a two parent household.
Don: And that is, it makes it rough. But it's not impossible because our Heavenly Father is always there. And that's why I always encourage being plugged in to sources that will feed you with the proper thoughts and to realize that [00:46:00] you are loved. The Bible tells us that God created us to love us.
Don: You know, he wanted a creation that he could love, and as soon as we open up our arms towards him, we give him an opportunity for that. He wants to be the heavenly father that takes us as a child, by the hand, and goes for a walk, and be able to share his thoughts, his understanding, someone who loves him.
Don: And, uh, and he loves us. And that's the beauty of a beautiful relationship. And this is something that we can have in the natural. If we take our time, you know, as fathers, to take our time with the children, is something that they need. A lot of kids don't have any identity. The father speaks into them.
Don: It's what you see in your child. Some parents will never compliment their child. Your child's beautiful. Begging for compliments. Some people don't kids never know that they look good because their mother and dad never tell them they look good You know as a parent you need to speak into your child and tell them how wonderfully they're made And all the good [00:47:00] things that they do and encourage them because they don't want to be that otherwise They're going to find their identity with other groups and social media and all this stuff and some of these identities are not good You know and that's where I think a role Of a father in a fatherless society sometimes needs to be looked at, you know, God is there for us.
Don: Yeah, because
Justin: it's the, it's having the identity of the father and molding the identity of a good father in someone's life or in a child's life that allows them to have their own identity as well. I know. It helps build that identity is what you're saying, right? Because if you don't have, if you don't have that standard that's leading you, then you're, you're going.
Justin: A stray in all different areas of your life, trying to find identity. I think that's one of the biggest problems in the world today is that young people are trying to find identity Anywhere in any place that they can and I think it directly correlates with The lack of [00:48:00] fathers in the house and the family structure itself.
Justin: Yeah And I think that something that, it's, it's something that needs to be structural though, is in, in terms of religion, you think that religion is needed in the home to provide structure for the family.
Don: Okay, well, my personal opinion, I think it can help, you know, I think, I think there is an order in that, and I think getting involved in church activities and stuff like that.
Don: I think that's good. It creates a structure and teaches a family and gives them a, how would you say, an understanding of who God is. What God is wanting to do, all this stuff. I know, uh, everybody needs their own spiritual moment. Everybody has their own moment with God opening up their own lives.
Don: I mean, just being a part of religion will teach you some natural things as far as how to live life. But God is looking for a spiritual moment. And I know one thing, too, that's sometimes lacking is the [00:49:00] father's approval. A lot of times, young kids, they need to have The approval of their dad. Mothers are great.
Don: They love them. They take care of a lot of needs and everything. But they wait for the dad to say, Well done. Well done. You know, and some people are adults looking for approval from a father. Someone to say, You're okay. Well done. You know, I appreciate what you're doing. They're constantly and some of the things that they get involved in, they're constantly looking for some type of approval, but they're just not getting it.
Don: And a lot of it is trying to get it from their dad, but the dad is just not giving it. He doesn't know it's there. And I know the approval that we're all looking for some days from our heavenly father, and God wants to give us his approval in our life. But the natural father, Needs to be able to give that approval to and a lot of times they don't know this They don't realize it because being a father is a great mystery in the society They don't know they don't know how important it really is in a lot of [00:50:00] areas a lot of areas
Justin: Well, I think that wraps it up
Don: for today.
Don: This was a good one. Justin. I think so,
Justin: too Hey, we're glad you guys found your way here today, and we hope you can join us again next week for another good word Until then,
Don: stay blessed by the best. See
Justin: you guys.