E5: Instant Results in BDSM

We're so used to instant everything, but how does that impact our dynamics, play partners, friends and other relationships? In this episode, we'll talk about this issue. So tune in, download the episode and enjoy.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to Doms R Us. How may I take your order? 

That kind of sounds silly, doesn't it? 

Hi, this is Red, and welcome to Deeper with Red, the podcast. Want to talk to you today about... instant gratification and how damn spoiled we actually are. 

I know, half of you just turned off right now. You're not interested, you don't want to hear, and that's fine. But for those of you who are sticking around, 

I want you to think about something. We live in a world... in a society where everything is so... instant. Like everything. It's insane how fast we get damn near everything given to us.

We don't like waiting on a meal to be prepared. We don't like waiting for a show to start. Used to be... you would go out to a restaurant and you'd wait 10-15 minutes just to get a seat, and then you would wait another 20 minutes for your meal, and you would take an hour for the [00:01:00] meal and have a wonderful time. Now it's run through the drive through quick in and out, and you're done. 

You used to go to the movie theater and watch a movie, but you had to sit through all the damn opening credits and scenes and previews, and you finally got to see the movie, but it was a whole thing. You had to drive there. You had to go through that. Now we just put it on Amazon Prime or any of the different streaming systems that are out there. And we're getting so used to everything being handed to us.

Unfortunately, that mentality has also seemingly transferred into the kink and BDSM lifestyle. And I'm not just talking about in dynamics, although it's really, really big in dynamics and relationships, but in play and finding play partners, and engaging with other people. Everything has got to be so instant. There doesn't seem to be a lot of stomach left for getting to know somebody. [00:02:00] Taking time.

If you say hi to somebody and they're not instantly ready to jump into play. They lose interest pretty quickly. If you say hi to somebody and have a conversation or two and you're not ready to jump in to be their dominant or their sub or whatever the intended or desired dynamic is, then you're not serious. You can't truly want what you say you want.

We've gotten so used to everything being instant. The problem with everything being so instant though is that... in reality... what used to be a really damn good meal has turned into a fast food feast that is not good for you, usually tastes like crap, and half the time you're not getting what you ordered.

Think about that. Half the time you go through a drive thru at any of the fast food chains, you look in the bag, you're not getting everything you ordered. You probably got somebody [00:03:00] else's order. And if you did, it's just thrown together, the packaging is ridiculous, something's missing, you added extra pickles to your burger and there's not a damn one on there.

The point is... you're getting food, but you're not getting anything of quality. You're just eating. 

And if that's how we're treating our relationships, whether it be our dynamics, or our play partners, or even our friends within the lifestyle, or just in life in general, if that's how we're treating our friends, they're just food, and we don't invest enough time and energy to make it a fucking meal? To make it something that you can savor and enjoy and experience? Then what are we doing? Why are we wasting our time? 

The instant gratification when you apply it to relationships [00:04:00] and interactions with each other just builds a lot of empty, garbage calories in our soul. And we become unable to actually do the things that we want and need to do within our relationships. And that's if you even got the damn order right to start with. 

You thought you were getting that daddy dom, but you didn't take time to find out whether or not that was part of the menu. Or you're ready to be the most mastery of masters, only to find out that the person you're trying to take on as a slave has no idea what that even means.

When it's all said and done, these things cause nothing but trauma. They cause nothing but hurt. We all walk away feeling just horrible. That same really nasty, bloated, gassy feeling you get from eating a really bad [00:05:00] meal from the drive thru, that's what's feeding our souls in our relationships.

Take your time. Get to know the people that you're engaging with. Find out who they are. Find out if what looks to be on the menu is what you're actually getting. It's okay. 

You do not have to rush this. And no, it's not gonna be instant. Not if you want something of quality. If you want an experience. If you want a good, hearty meal that truly feeds that soul, there's no way that can be instant.

You're not gonna just add water and have the perfect dynamic, perfect play partner, or even the best friends. 

So think about that as you go through your journey. Are you investing yourself in other people? And are the people that you're investing in, are they investing back in you? [00:06:00] Truly does matter. 

I hope that helps. Thanks for hanging out, and we'll see you on the next one. 

Thanks for tuning in to the Deeper podcast. I hope that you not only enjoyed the episode, but maybe something new jumped out at you. Hopefully something that changed your perspective and maybe has you thinking a bit more. I'd love to hear from you. If you have comments, show ideas, or questions, please check out the show website at deeperwithred.com. Click on the feedback tab and send a message there. You'll also find other episodes, related materials, and even ways to show your fan support right there on the website. So we'll see you there. Until next time, whenever or wherever you can, Go Deeper!