Can We Stay Friends In Our 30s?

Get ready to spice up your friendship game in Episode 2 of "Get Out of the Group Chat"! 🎉🎙️ Join the party as we tackle the question: "Can We Stay Friends in Our 30s?"  Expect laughs, insights, and a whole lot of fun as we share tips and stories to keep those friendships rockin' and rollin'. Hit play, subscribe, and let's make staying friends in our 30s the thing to do! 🫶🏽

Transcript

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One, two, three, four, get your friends about the group chat, group chat, group chat, wave your passports in the air, air, the devil he don't like it, stomp that devil, stomp that devil, oh well, oh well. All right, let's get into it. I am Tanzania black. I'm Shavonia Marie and we are your host of get out the group chat. All right, we are a podcast. We are new here on the podcast scene and we're super excited because we're going to be talking about everything friendship. Yes, stuff. You'll be talking about in the group chat with your friends. Things that you don't really want nobody to know. Yeah, we're gonna be talking about we are and the reason why is we just want to have other people who Do friendship like us in the sense like we think we do it. Well, yeah, we do. We do amazing. Yes Yes, amazing and we've been taught, you know growth happens best in community and Personally, I've experienced it time and time and time again through the ups and the downs of life Oh, yeah and we want other people to have it to like it's sad watching or hearing stories about people who are just like I don't have Any friends I'm going through life by myself Like my family's not there like they don't have any of that and I just believe Even if you don't have family, the Bible says that God puts the, puts the singles or the lonely in families. And so I believe God does that with friendships and you can have good friends. Even in your thirties. That brings us to our topic of the day. Can you stay friends in your thirties? Can you? Hmm. Is it? Let's talk about it. Does it work? Does it work? I believe so. If you're doing, if you're doing it right, let's, let's start there. And what is right? Who determines what right is? What's right? I mean, obviously I'll say. I'm just saying I kind of do it right because I still got the friends from my 20s still here in my 30s. Yeah, no, I agree. I think I think it is much easier than when you start in your twenties, right? And you bring them into your thirties. Okay. It's a, it's a little bit easier than when, if you're someone who's in your thirties and you're trying to start over and you don't have friends. Um, so, but let's speak to those who maybe you've carried your friends from your twenties and your thirties. It still can be difficult. Oh no. Oh yeah. You got kids now getting married. Even if you don't have any of those things, you got jobs, things you're focused on. You're like growing in your careers and things like that. And so it can get, Difficult. And that's the truth. It can, but if this is your group and this is your community, you work through that, you know what I mean? I think you work through it. I don't know if I think that everybody recognizes how much, I think we said this before, how much intentionality it takes to do that in your thirties. Yeah, that's true. But that's what I'm saying. Like, if this is the group of people you want to grow with. I don't know the people, I don't know that I feel like people be just a little bit passive about it. Just like, yeah, this is my friend, blah, blah, blah. And we hadn't talked in six months. You know what I'm saying? Like, so do you feel like you have that? Do I feel like I have what? That type of friend. This is a group chat. So we keep it funky in the group chat. So I have friends that I, that are much closer that I kind of do life with, live life with. And then I feel like then there's like friends that you would technically consider to be associates. Um, and so I feel like for me, that typically falls in what I would consider to be the associate range. But as far as like close friends, nah, I'm Well, for the most part I'm going to talk to my friends weekly, like, cause what are you doing? You're not going to send a meme. You're not going to send a funny video off of TikTok. I need you to like, so I can't send a meme to you or Instagram. No, I'm saying I have friends who do like, at least that's the least you can do. Right. No, I got you. And there's some showing up in life. I mean, as hard as life is monthly, there's something. So like. We, of course, we have therapists, we may have our spouses or not have our spouses. I just, I, for me, let me just speak for me. I like living life with my friends. Right. And I, I'm, I'm that way as well. Um, I'm trying to see. Um, like where some friends I've dropped, I guess, in a sense, um, Shavonia dropped some friends. Tell us the tea today on Get Out of the Podcast. Shay, Shavonia Lewis will be telling us about how the friends she dropped. Who did you drop, Shay? But, but this is the thing. I think this is the difference. Um, I don't know if I tried to make a community with a group of friends and it didn't necessarily Go like my last group of friends, which all moved and left. Do you feel like you were comparing? Um, Nah, I don't think I compared per se, but I know what good community is versus what I did. So what do you feel like? What did you feel like the new? Community or the new group chat or new group of friends? What were they not doing that made you feel like? I think you know like the check in. So I felt like in the worst season you didn't show up You know what I'm saying? I had friends further away showing up versus the ones who, who were there. So I think one thing we don't, because the truth is people are different, which means group chats are also different. Do you, do you feel like you gave the expectation, like, hey, when, or prior to this situation, like when I'm going through a rough situation, what loving me looks like is You know showing up like did you give them that? I probably haven't so I that's why and that's why I didn't I haven't I Never spoke to him about it. Never, you know, I just eased my way out the group chat on that one Um, just you know, but it was just I mean still love them about them Yeah, it's just like I know that's not the group or that's not the community that And that's hard though, going through something and then, I don't know if you've shown up for them, like when they've been in their times, and you kind of, even though you feel like you shouldn't have to say it, like, it's great to know that there are people who out there like you don't have to say it. They just know the situation. And I'm a nonchalant person. So maybe that's, I don't know. Maybe they felt like you were unbothered by it, you were kind of good. But it's weird because like I said, I think that's where it was like I had to do my own knowledge. So it's something like. But why the ones that are further away that didn't even really almost know what was really happened just, you know, um, I mean, I'm, I'm, I don't think she cared as to group chat. So, but, um, One of my good friends, she'll be on the podcast later on in this, uh, series, but Taura, she, uh, literally, out the blue, God gave her a word, she sent me 100, like literally, I never really said too much to her about what was going on at that time, I had lost my job, everything like that, um, and I think maybe she knew like that little surface part, um, But, I think, yeah. So, um, And so it was just funny, like somebody who's in a whole nother state showing up for you in some way, in the best way that she could honestly, but those who you were close to couldn't show. And that sucks. I'm sorry that you had to experience that. I can't imagine just going through those tough seasonings and you just, especially when I don't know about you, but for me, like. I'm gonna show up for people. Like if you are struggling, I'm gonna do my best to help you. And even sometimes, that's just prayer, you know what I'm saying? Or hanging out with me, or spending time with me, inviting me over, or, you know, buying me a fish filet meal from McDonald's with a, um, strawberry cream cheese pie, if anybody would like to do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, even though, even though small things matter. And I guess, you know, it sucks. Cause we all want that support, but Everybody wants that support, but they don't get it, but everybody don't give that support. And I think that that could be the difficulty with keeping friendships in your 30s. Staying friends with people is because we want the support. We want people to come to our baby showers, our weddings, all these events. But those day to day, week to week, month to month stuff, like you're not showing up for about, you're not supporting anyone and you won't support. So how would you rate? Hmm, just a teat, guys. Ratings! Ha! I would rate! Ha! Yo! Oh, my friend group's a 10. You asked for the group. The friend group is a 10. It's a 10? Okay. Oh mines is a 10 we're in the same friend group. No, I don't know what God did, but he did his, he did his thing when he, he connected us with the friends that we have. Like, I mean, we have our hard times, our difficulties. We've been through stuff with one another as a group against the world. Like we've experienced a lot of stuff, but we have some great friends and I think it's because, I mean, we can be honest. It's because they know the Lord. Yeah. And that don't mean that every friend group that has people who are Christians, but they know the Lord and not just knowing the Lord, but they allow God to work in their life. So I could say something to you. You could, I could offend you, I could say the, you know what I'm saying, I could say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, but if you're friends with somebody who knows the Lord, the Lord can work on their heart. They, they're not, they're not prideful, they can be merciful in situations. We had a, um, we're in a group chat. We had a friend recently, she got a boo. She got a little boyfriend and, you know, it was different for her, of course, because it was like, you know, the first time she's really had somebody who was absolutely amazing, an amazing man. Right. Um, but for us, it was just like, it was the first time we experienced her going ghost. I mean, disappears giving Casper don't dont answer. And so we all kind of had to make an adjustments in like just little small little. You know, comments were made and I'm just like, what is this? And I think because I had never experienced this behavior before, like for some weeks, I just was like caught off guard and I just like, you know, you just take something and you just be like, okay, we're going to move on cause I love you, but it's something here and I can't identify this feeling. But I can't identify it, but I know that something is wrong. So eventually we just had to have that conversation. It's just like, I got grace for you cause you in this puppy love. He's amazing. You're amazing stage. And I really think this man of God is your husband. Um, but you going to have to be a little bit of regular, but if you guys did not have that conversation and I think that's the part that we're missing in society. Even in our culture, it's cut them all, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're not friends after that. You know what I mean? But I think because within our community, I think it's more of. We're not, um, prideful, I guess, to go to one another and be like, Hey, that don't mean it's easy. Cause you should be like, you be to yourself, punk take it, man, she didn't even do nothing, not even that deep, like, you know what I'm saying, but like, you be, and y'all, and y'all, we're regular and we're human just like everybody else. So that don't mean that the feelings don't come, but it's just like, I value this friendship. I value this person and at some point I'm going to have to say something. And I think you said this too. It was like. You know, we should treat the like how marriage just like our friendship because you're gonna fight for that marriage Why would you know a lot of people not gonna like that? I know the people be like, it's not that serious Yeah, I'm in a friendship should be easy. It should not be hard. No, and I'm just like, oh who said that? Did you read the Bible right who said that like literally Jesus is a friend and y'all stay beefing with him, right? Exactly. Stay. Yeah, stay into it. Stay offended Stay mad because he didn't do something that you asked him to do And don't they go back and ask for forgiveness, ask God, you know, you do the same thing. So why can't you do that in friendship? It's just a relationship. It is just a relationship and it requires a level of work. It requires intentionality. And so that's what I want to work nowadays. They're late. We're lazy. You just want stuff to be easy and it's just, and I get it. Cause I'm all about the fun. I'm all about like, let's just show up, have a good time, have some giggles and let's that. But it's just, you got to show up for people even when it's uncomfortable. Kam asked me the other day. I'm going to this 2000s party. Can you come and twist the front of my head? All I can think is this Friday. It's Friday. I want to go home. Like, I am tired. But Kam is my friend. And I went over there to her house. She went over there, y'all. And I had a great time. Tired and all. I had a great time. She is hilarious. We had a great moment. Would I rather went home? Abso friggin lutely. But she is my friend. But Kam has shown up. Yeah. Like, you know what I'm saying? So that's why I think you got to be intentional and show support there because it makes it easy to show up for somebody else when they showing up for you. Cause what if you didn't look at the other side is like, well, the truth is she did fall asleep and did not go to the party. Oh my gosh. She did not go to the party. Write in the comments. Why you ain't go to that party, man. Kam fell asleep. Kam was tired from work too. She was trying to be a good friend and show up to her friend's party and had no energy to give. I ain't even mad. I understand. So understand. Okay. So, um, What type of tips can you give people to like maintain those, those good friendships? So I think first of all, being honest about where you are just in life. So back in the day, maybe y'all had weekly Thursday hangouts. You got more children, a husband, more tasks at job. Maybe you got multiple jobs. I think vocalizing. Hey, things have changed for me. I can now do X, Y, and Z using a calendar. Okay, maybe it's life and got so tough or rough for you. You're like, I'm gonna be intentional once a quarter by monthly Let's do this on this date scheduling things. Hey, what do you have on your calendar for this day? Let's do something and we may not know what that exact thing is But put it on a calendar set out a date and I think when you You're intentional with someone like that. It makes them feel loved. It's kind of like your, like your spouse or your husband or your boyfriend. And he was just like, yo, next Thursday, can you, um, have six to nine o'clock available? I want to do something for you. Right. Yes. Exactly. Putting in the calendar. I am writing it down and I'm gonna make sure that I don't have nothing else that's going to disturb that time because you value that time. You value that person. And so I think that's the biggest thing is that people need you just to be intentional. We can't. We're in our thirties now. You can't just do whatever you want to do when you want to do. We're not having, we're not at Bridget's house all night long watching. Love Bridget. We're not in our thirties or in our twenties watching movies and TV shows and talking great debates and having prophetic circles and praying, allowing God to speak to us. We don't have all those hours anymore. And so you got to be intentional about telling those things ahead of time. So that's another tip. Get people the time sometimes it may work. Maybe I can't hang out with you, you know, tonight and you told me at noon. Maybe, maybe. I might have to say no, and I'm an extrovert. But maybe I can. But if you're like, yo, here's my month. Yeah. Because you should be planning your month anyways, right? Here's my month. These are the Saturdays. These are the Fridays. These are the days that I have. I like that. Maybe I can get a couple friends together. Because we're in the same, we probably got the same group chat, right? Exactly. Let's, let's, let me give them this date so I can be intentional. It's not about somebody just being a good friend to you. And you got to get out of there. Like we got to start being selfish. It's not about just you having a good friend. You got to be a good friend, which is why we created get out of the group or get out of the group chat because you got to be a good friend too. We don't never put, we always them haters. I got sucky friends. They do that. But what are you, what have you been to those friends? You know what I'm saying? That's good. No, I like that. Um, so what would you, what would you suggest? Um, I think it's almost the same as the time part. You know what I mean? Like, um, and being intentional. Like you even said, uh, told me number, number the days, you know what I mean? Like the Lord said that number your days, right? You're right. And so, um, I had to be intentional in 2024 of like making sure I put, you know, Hey, I'm hanging out with this person. Hey, I gotta do this. Um, mm-Hmm. You know what I mean? So I've been a little bit intentional with that part, uh, to be a little better friend. Um, so yeah, I would say the time, um, making sure you check on people. I am horrible, kind of, at checking on people. Shay said she don't be one check on a folks she don't be one hear no bad news. That's me, I'm sorry. Which, God's gonna hear her in 2024. But I get it, it can be a burden to bear. I think even just to that really, really fast. Yeah. Learning to take the news and know that God is, because that person trusts you, God is entrusting you with that information to pray for it. And then when you pray for it, literally release it and trust the God with the prayer. It's just a little bit of something to take to help you. I took that tip. Let me know in the comments, you took that tip. But yeah, that was a good one. Hear the negativity. Yeah. I mean, and make sure you're okay. Make sure you can take it in those moments. Yeah. Take, take the information. Yeah. Pray, pray for them. Pray it through. Right. And let it go. Yeah. Let God. Cause I, yeah, I, I Try to uh, bring the fun. I don't want the fun to be snatched from me That's why I said pray and let it go. So we just got off the phone. God, she just told me She just lost her job and her husband ain't treating her right and her kids is failing in school So God, I thank you that you are helping them even now We thank you that you are giving peace in the household that the children are having good grades and I thank you that this is Your daughter and you care about it. You gonna take care of it. We just thank you for these things in Jesus name. Amen Is released. That is God problem you heard her when she said it to me and I just said it to you. You done heard it twice, God. And you already knew about it before then. Help the children. That's a good one. I got you. Help the children. Alright, I got you. That was really good y'all. I hope that helped y'all, like it helped me. Right, it, it, that helped, that helped me. Talk about it helped me. Alright, now we're about to get into our friendship stories. Listen to this. So, Okay, let me see what it says. When I invited them all to my birthday and nobody arrived. Turns out they got together elsewhere that same day and just decided as a group not to show up. Ain't no way. Ain't no way bruh. Not on the same day now. I'mma just get out the group chat. Ma'am. The truth is you ain't even in it. That's crazy. That means she wasn't part of that group chat. They had a second group chat and that's what he'll talk about going to the other place. That's literally how that went. And I think to me, it's, it makes me wonder again, what she do to these folks. Because not only did they not show up, but they said, we're going to show up somewhere else. And how she know? That's what I'm saying. Somebody, somebody messy in that group. Right. That's disrespectful. Out of all the days. And they put that on. Now, if you're watching, ma'am, get out that group chat because there's no way they showed up somewhere else the same day, the same day. That means it was intentional. It was, it was intentional. It was trying to hurt you. Yeah, they wanted to hurt you. And the question now is, why do they want to hurt you? Did she hurt them? No, hurt people hurt people. Or do they not like you? We don't talk about that. Sometimes people don't want to be friends with you because they don't like you. Maybe you're not likable or maybe they just don't like. Yeah, that's good. Because, yeah, cause I can see you just want for you to not to find that. Go find you somebody else, man. That likes you. That likes you. That want to be friends with you. That will show up for you. You. Okay. Yes. So yeah, get out of the group chat home girl. All right. So we're so excited that you guys joined us for this episode. It was good. We hope that y'all are getting friends in your 30s, staying friends in your 30s. And even if you got to start new. Yes. Even if you got to start all over again, we hope that, you know, you be a good friend. The Bible talks about being a good friend and then you getting good friends because of that. So be a good friend to others. Yes. Okay. And that's a wrap on get out the group chat. All right. Make sure you guys go ahead and subscribe, like, and comment and we'll see you next time.