Ever found yourself at dinner, debating who’s picking up the tab? This week, we’re joined by Nikia as we dive into financial etiquette among friends. From splitting bills to strengthening bonds, it’s a blend of humor and heartfelt conversations. But beyond money, we explore what it really means to support your friends, delving into love languages and the significance of understanding in platonic relationships.
To advertise with us or if you want to shout your bestie out email blackfriendsforeverms@gmail.com
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life (https://click.pstmrk.it/3s/uppbeat.io%2Ft%2Fmoire%2Fnew-life/vZub/Zq6yAQ/AQ/74ea54e8-4ea3-498b-a4eb-796286f9e4e7/4/qc1qvBx_nI) License code: 4LNHLW6CL9FJGMWN
Ever found yourself at dinner, debating who’s picking up the tab? This week, we’re joined by Nikia as we dive into financial etiquette among friends. From splitting bills to strengthening bonds, it’s a blend of humor and heartfelt conversations. But beyond money, we explore what it really means to support your friends, delving into love languages and the significance of understanding in platonic relationships.
To advertise with us or if you want to shout your bestie out email blackfriendsforeverms@gmail.com
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life (https://click.pstmrk.it/3s/uppbeat.io%2Ft%2Fmoire%2Fnew-life/vZub/Zq6yAQ/AQ/74ea54e8-4ea3-498b-a4eb-796286f9e4e7/4/qc1qvBx_nI) License code: 4LNHLW6CL9FJGMWN
Speaker 1:
One, two, three, four. Get your friends about the groove chat. Groove chat groove chat. Groove chat With your passwords in the air Air. Air the devil. He don't like it. Stump that devil, stump that devil. Oh well, oh well. And what did you do, yo? What's up Can? I just get in touch with you. Multiple versions. Multiple versions.
Speaker 3:
Do you have her next verse?
Speaker 1:
though no Yo. What is the next verse? I don't know.
Speaker 3:
She don't like it, that's it.
Speaker 1:
Okay, y'all, let's do it. I am Tizia Black, my name is Shabana Marie and we're excited. Welcome to Get Out of the Group Chat podcast. This is where we talk about everything Friendships, because we want you in community, we want you in friendships, we want you in groups, we want you to be made better, whole the whole shebang and all that. And so we're excited because today we have with us our good friend, nykeia. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey, welcome Welcome. Are you excited?
Speaker 3:
I am excited.
Speaker 1:
Are you excited to be on? Get Out of the Group Chat podcast.
Speaker 3:
Yes, I am. I'm honored and privileged to be here, awesome, awesome.
Speaker 1:
Well, nykeia, we are thankful for you. Like we said before, we are thankful for your friendship. We're thankful for just your constant love, your kindness, your gentleness. You're absolutely amazing. Fake tears this is giving fake tears, all right. It's giving fake tears Okay.
Speaker 2:
Okay, then. Okay, so we're going to get into our game for today. You know so you have to phone a friend, but it's a little bit of twist. You know, when you phone that friend, they have 10 seconds to answer the question. If they get it wrong, you have to eat your mystery meal. Mystery If they get it wrong. You still have to answer, you still have to eat your mystery meal. So are you ready? Question.
Speaker 3:
Oh, please, it can't be the same person. Just to kind of clarify the rules.
Speaker 1:
No, ma'am. Okay, If you've been on our podcast before, it's always a new friend.
Speaker 3:
Yes, okay, a new friend.
Speaker 1:
Yes, you know, we're so close, I mean you go.
Speaker 3:
So she is I gotta print a holo ghost.
Speaker 2:
Go ahead. You got five seconds. One we didn't hear the phone calling. Two, three, four, five, we didn't hear it Do. I hear, oh okay, kamal says I believe in you, I believe in you, I believe in you.
Speaker 3:
Oh, oh, all right, hey, jessi. Jessi, I'm on this podcast and you have to answer a question and you have to get it right within 10 seconds, okay. Or she had to eat a mystery, or I have to eat a mystery item, food item, whatever it is. Please, please, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:
All right.
Speaker 3:
Google, if you yeah, yeah, william can come in too. Yeah, put him on too.
Speaker 2:
All right, so who do we have?
Speaker 1:
Who do we have?
Speaker 3:
So this is Jazelyn and William.
Speaker 2:
Okay, so that's your sister. Okay, all right, sister, are you ready for the question? You got 10 already. There we go. How many different flavors are there in the fruit looped cereal? Mmm, you can Google.
Speaker 1:
Every single fruit loop is the same flavor. What same flavor?
Speaker 2:
different colors, what it is, one flavor, no, thank you jazz and William, but she will have to eat this mystery meal. All right, so they did not get it right, sorry. So eat that good old heat bar in case. So, baby, and let me know how. I tell you that was a little bite, but I Mean fight.
Speaker 3:
It tastes like a heat bar with case, so it's just Okay.
Speaker 1:
Would you try it again?
Speaker 3:
Oh Hexenol.
Speaker 1:
Well, thank you for participating again. We appreciate you. At least you know that you got a friend, a family member, that's gonna answer at least the bone for you and your time of need.
Speaker 3:
I'm gonna sow a seed in their life because I did not expect her to answer. Wow, cuz she has two kids.
Speaker 1:
She's a wife like yeah, okay all right, let's go ahead and get into the topic today, and that is who's paying the check, nikea? Now you know, you know you got friends. You got the friends that got like money you know, you know all my friends, we are growing it. You know, got money but I can be having money.
Speaker 3:
Really, it's really not.
Speaker 1:
I'm like on my way to be a millionaire. I Wish I received that Alright. So you've heard the situations you know when we go out to dinner, like who's paying the check, that sort of thing. So what is your take on it? Do you feel like we should split the check? Do you think everybody should just pay for individually the things that they got? What is your take on that?
Speaker 3:
So I think it depends on a group of people, so, like if they're my actual friends, I don't mind splitting the check, but if it's like a group of people that I don't know, I don't know y'all close friends or associates, or is it different? Per type of group, I would say close friends.
Speaker 1:
So, but if they're like your associates, you wouldn't be.
Speaker 3:
You wouldn't be interested in splintage, maybe if it's like half and half, like you got five close friends and five associates, maybe I, I may consider, yeah, but it's the close friends that kind of makes the determining order something for $60 and you only order something three dollar drink now, this is a continual thing Now.
Speaker 2:
I don't know about it, even with the clothes for it.
Speaker 3:
I don't know. What do y'all think? I think I'm a coach. I don't be honest.
Speaker 1:
I'm either one or the other. So either I want to be the one to pay for the entire chick or I want to pay for what I ate, because everybody. The truth is, if I go into 13 and I spend $75 on my meal, I don't want nobody else to pay for that, especially when you maybe just got an appetizer in a water I get. We're in the same space, but I don't want somebody else to pay for something and I was out here eating big and good and all of that. So that's kind of how I feel I'm just either I'm going to pay for the chick, for everybody or I'm going to pay for my own food.
Speaker 1:
Now, if you need me to help pay for your food, that's one thing. To me that's not splitting the chick, that's an expectation. I'm helping my friend and I will always help a friend, but we just we have this standard rule that when we go out to eat on birthday dinners and all this stuff, that we just going to split it no, we're not because we ain't eating, we're not eating equally, unless you know how people do that thing, where they get like.
Speaker 1:
Pull out the cards, no, no, no, not that, but you get multiple, you get, you get multiple meals, and then everybody's trying it.
Speaker 2:
So to me that's a split the meal kind of thing Now.
Speaker 1:
But you're right, I have heard the whole thing about, like when people get the cards, so y'all would do that. I would do that. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I would definitely do that. Yep, because you got money, but I'm not there yet. No, no, no, keep playing with me, I'm not my cashier card.
Speaker 3:
See, I feel like if it's a continual thing, like you're putting that situation, to pay, to split the bill, I don't think that's appropriate.
Speaker 2:
So if that person keeps doing that, are you like going to be?
Speaker 1:
Are you staying in the group chat? Or getting out of the group chat Right with that person. I'm going to have a conversation because at this point they're my close friends.
Speaker 3:
So I should be able to say like hey, I noticed that you always want me to pay the high amount. Can we have a conversation? Say the high amount.
Speaker 1:
So to me, this kind of gets into like expectations we have in friendships, because of course, there are people who have expectations that we should split the check Other times. There are people who feel like you know, that's not something that I expect. So in your friendships, are you very vocal about what you expect from them? Or like, are you very vocal about your boundaries? This is the group chat.
Speaker 3:
This is the group chat.
Speaker 1:
Shay or Nakia. Either one of y'all can answer. This is the group chat.
Speaker 2:
Do you communicate your expectations to your friends, I do not, I don't, I'm not where.
Speaker 3:
I used to be.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I do you what?
Speaker 3:
I'm not where I used to be.
Speaker 1:
So you're not neither one of you are very vocal about your expectations. No, Okay, do you think that's fair?
Speaker 3:
No, it's not, yeah, it's not. She said nobody knows what you expect out of something.
Speaker 1:
So then, what kind of? What inhibits you or prevents you from, prohibits you from?
Speaker 3:
I know the answer to your question.
Speaker 1:
No, what prevents you from just being vocal and stating those expectations?
Speaker 3:
I don't like conflict.
Speaker 1:
Me too. So you think stating your expectations is going to cause conflict?
Speaker 3:
In some cases right.
Speaker 1:
Okay, give me an example of what that would look like.
Speaker 3:
So like what if the expectation is?
Speaker 1:
what if the expectation is like hey, like you know, you're an amazing friend, I would like for us to hang out twice a month. That's an expectation.
Speaker 3:
Okay, okay, that's true.
Speaker 1:
So do you feel like there'd be conflict there?
Speaker 3:
No, so then, but what would prevent you?
Speaker 1:
from asking a friend for something like that.
Speaker 3:
Okay, never mind go to say that.
Speaker 1:
I just don't think we think that deep into it Like okay you don't see it as hey, this is something I need to express, Right, right.
Speaker 2:
So I'm not an expressive type person. Yeah, I mean, as you can do. Well, I don't.
Speaker 1:
So you're equating expression and expectations.
Speaker 2:
I mean, I don't expect much either. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:
Like, but the things you do expect. Do you express that I don't know In a way that's easily understandable?
Speaker 2:
Sometimes I think I do Sometimes, but it's hard. Why is it?
Speaker 1:
hard, is it?
Speaker 2:
pride.
Speaker 1:
I'm happy that the people spoke up because I believe it's pride.
Speaker 3:
It has to be pride.
Speaker 2:
It's a little bit of pride there and a fear of rejection.
Speaker 1:
Fear that it won't be accepted or you won't be understood, and that makes me sad because, honestly, how do you properly move through a friendship if someone doesn't know how to love you? Expectations are simply giving somebody a manual on how to love you, and so it's unfair to them because you want them to be successful in something and you haven't given them the manual for.
Speaker 2:
I'm getting healed right now, guys, that's true.
Speaker 1:
No, think about it. Can you imagine being in a friend group of I don't know five to eight people, Nobody's giving out their manuals, and you trying to look? I'm trying to love all y'all, but I can't love you unless I know what that looks like. And so you put yourself in a predicament where you can't be loved well, and then you're not giving people the opportunity to love you well.
Speaker 3:
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:
That's really good yeah.
Speaker 2:
Y'all taking notes in the comments.
Speaker 3:
take some notes so what do you feel like you guys? What's your love language?
Speaker 1:
My love language is gifts, whether it is my now, it's two showing up for me. I don't even know if that's a love language, but that's big for me. And by showing up for me I mean showing up to something that I may plan, or a birthday, that sort of thing. But in real life, something, if you want to take my heart and just huh, is gifts and not gifts. I'm not talking about diamond rings, watches, that sort of thing, but very intentional gifts, and this gift could cost you $3.00. But being very intentional, so that's for me.
Speaker 2:
I'm more quality time. Yeah, it's always time Like with my mom and dad, like even with like cause I'm a daddy's girl and so shout out to Pops, but it wasn't like the money that he gave or the things that it was, literally was just the quality time, like coming to my game, me and you just going out to eat, and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:
So it was more quality time. And then X of service, that's my other one. What about you, nakeya?
Speaker 3:
Mine's probably gifts or. X of service Cause I love food. So if you buy me, like Starbucks, gift cards, or torches, or my new found favorite place, the Indian place. If you guys ever just want to, it's about $30, but you know it's worth it, probably about 36.
Speaker 1:
But just yeah, you got this kind of this food gift, kind of love language going on. So do your friends know you love languages? Yes, now I know it. Yes, I am aware, but do you feel like, in general, when you came into a friendship, did you stay those things?
Speaker 3:
Or did you just kind of?
Speaker 1:
hope that time would tell the story.
Speaker 3:
No yeah.
Speaker 2:
And I think honestly, we took the test, I think, as friends.
Speaker 1:
We did take the test, but I mean even outside of our group chat or our group, like do you do that with other people?
Speaker 3:
No. I don't have any other friends outside of the group chat.
Speaker 1:
You do have other friends. I do, I do. Why would you sin in it? I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to watch it as her friend.
Speaker 3:
I'm sorry, I just Please don't, Because I consider everybody to be in the group chat even though they're not in it.
Speaker 2:
I'm sorry, like my idea is over.
Speaker 3:
I don't know if I express it to my other friends.
Speaker 2:
Wow, that's a. So that's the homework you can kind of do. Huh, Wow, she said.
Speaker 1:
Wow, I've changed my life. Today, this is your opportunity.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I'm not. Do I know this? Have you not been?
Speaker 1:
stating your expectations to your friends and your loved ones. This is the time to send a text message, and let them know exactly what you need and then, if you're going to be fair, ask them what they need in return.
Speaker 3:
This is your message given by Tanzania Planner. I'm so sorry. It has to be reciprocity right. So it has to be like a given a Not a given a take, but it has to be like you have to assess to see what or what's your love language is and how to make them happy with their love language.
Speaker 1:
Absolutely so. It's always, and that's kind of what we kind of preach here on the podcast. It's just friendship is not just about you obtaining a good friend, but it's about you growing as a friend. And that's just one of those big things that we want you guys to take away Expectations is about you receiving the expectations of the person you're friends with and then you also sharing your expectations. That's fair. It doesn't make you a bad person to be upfront and say what you need. It's really actually just really really healthy.
Speaker 2:
So yeah, so we're going to get into this friendship story, okay.
Speaker 1:
This is where we tell you crazy stories that people out here in the world be having, and we just want to know your thoughts. You think this person should get out of the group chat, or how should they deal with the fact that maybe they've been kicked out of the group chat?
Speaker 2:
So it says, got pretty sick and was in the hospital for a week. Not one of my friends and a small group of supposedly close friends reached out to see if I was getting better. They never visited, didn't even so much as get a text from them. We hung out almost daily for the past two years and they knew I was in the hospital. When I finally got better I decided it was time to get some new friends. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 3:
Oh, I agree. I'm not going to be in the hospital room for a week and you ain't come visit me and I'm hanging out with you daily. Right, that's grinding a little bit.
Speaker 2:
That's not even a sociable behavior. Yeah, like that's, are you my enemy, right?
Speaker 1:
But to me. It's always odd when it's like it's not just one person, if I'm not mistaken it's always a small group of people. So how is it that there are multiple people in your so-called friend group not showing up? Now, one of them, okay, but when there's like everybody kind of is agreed to not show up or not to like connect, this will make you wonder.
Speaker 2:
Because even in our group I feel like if one person don't come or like you, know what I mean.
Speaker 3:
Like somebody else to come through yeah, everybody go mute. Yeah, everybody go mute. Like this is a real, live story, real, live, real live, real, really happy.
Speaker 2:
Wow, like even with y'all.
Speaker 1:
I am privileged.
Speaker 2:
I remember, I remember, oh, I got like asthma attack or something like y'all really like came up to the hospital. I was like only for asthma attack.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I don't know if we weirded out, but I feel like if my friend in the hospital are supposed to go, yeah, I don't know who made the expectation, but I feel that in my soul yeah. You're supposed to go, or text if you can't go, or something, yeah, but let's be real.
Speaker 3:
If you're in the hospital for at least five days, you're in inpatient, which means that there's something seriously going wrong. Usually, if you're in the ER like, you're only in it for like two days or you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:
Like it's a limited amount of time, yeah, so you're being.
Speaker 3:
If they see they have to upgrade you, that means that it's pretty serious and they didn't even text A week.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, they didn't even text.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you don't even care about my life.
Speaker 2:
So, ma'am, if you're watching, please get out of that group chat immediately Now and get some better friends, because I'm going to tell you this that wasn't their first time showing their colors.
Speaker 1:
There's no way, y'all great friends need to go to hospital and they disappear. Yeah so make sure you pay attention to the flags, make sure you pay attention to people really, really like you and care about you, and I hope you ain't never split a check with them either. That part Awesome. Well, thank you, Nakeah, for joining us. We appreciate you, we love you, we love your opinions and all that. Go forth and do everything the Lord has called you to do Out with you.
Speaker 2:
Yes, yes yes, you're always All right. So that's a wrap on get out the group chat. Please like, subscribe and share this. All the things, yes, and we will see you next time. Peace and hair grease. Peace and hair grease.
