Fresh Faces: Welcoming the new kid to the group chat!

Join us for our latest episode, as we delve into the experience of being the new kid in the crew. From personal stories to practical tips, we explore navigating social scenes and building solid bonds. Director Kierra Payne shares insights on the joys and challenges of being the 'Fresh Face' in a group chat, discussing evolving friendships and the journey towards deeper connections. Tune in for heartfelt encouragement and guidance on feeling at home in your new crew!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

One, two, three, four. Get your friends about the group chat. Group chat group chat when your past was in the air, air, air the devil. He don't like it. Stomp that devil stomp that devil.

Speaker 1: 0:17

Oh well, oh well, oh my goodness. Welcome back to Get Out the Group Chat. I am Tanzania Black. I'm Shavonna Marie. Help, no new friends Right? We here to help my friends suck. I'm all by myself. I got nobody to hang with. So we're going to help you this season. So stay tuned weekly, alright. So we're excited today because we have our good friend as well as the director of this here podcast. She's on with us. Today. We have Miss Kiara Sheer. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2: 1:01

Miss Kiara Payne in the house.

Speaker 1: 1:05

How does it feel to you know? Go from behind the scenes to in front of the scenes on the podcast.

Speaker 3: 1:12

Oh man, it feels really really different.

Speaker 2: 1:14

It feels, different.

Speaker 3: 1:15

You know I'm used to you telling me what to do, bossing me around behind the cameras.

Speaker 2: 1:20

Just kidding guys, I love 10.

Speaker 3: 1:22

No but it feels really good to be on set with you guys. I love this, we're excited and we're to be on set with you guys, I love this, we love it, we're going to get into it.

Speaker 1: 1:28

Does your bestie know you? Does your bestie know you? Does she know you? Does he know you?

Speaker 2: 1:32

So what are they going to do? So you're going to call one of your besties for the resties and we're going to ask three questions. They at least got to write so you can, you know, win the bff award at the end of the season. Okay, so let's see who are you gonna call. Yeah, who are you calling?

Speaker 1: 1:48

who do you think knows you, knows you best?

Speaker 3: 1:52

it's a good question. Let's see. Look through my contacts here. You got 10 seconds, so I have two options now you know sisters can be besties.

Speaker 2: 2:02

I definitely want to call my sister. I want to know why people are struggling to call a bestie. Maybe because I think the besties be so close in the room.

Speaker 3: 2:11

A few of them are in the room with me oh okay, it's hard to call.

Speaker 2: 2:15

And I'm usually most people besties, so they don't know who to call.

Speaker 3: 2:19

I'm going to call my sister. I feel like she knows me.

Speaker 1: 2:21

Okay, I'm going to call her Lifelong besties.

Speaker 2: 2:24

Huh, lifelong besties.

Speaker 1: 2:26

Got them blood besties.

Speaker 2: 2:27

Right, that's the blood, not the bomb. Your bomb besties are in here.

Speaker 3: 2:35

Let's just hope she answers.

Speaker 2: 2:40

Oh, hi.

Speaker 3: 2:42

Hi sister, how are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you? I'm good. So, listen, I need you to help me out here. I'm recording a podcast right now and I need you to answer a few questions for me, like to see.

Speaker 2: 2:58

Okay, so who do we have on the line?

Speaker 1: 3:01

This is Erika Harmon.

Speaker 2: 3:03

All right. Well, I'm going to ask you three questions. You at least have to get two right so she can win the BFF award. All right, okay, all right. So what is Kiera's favorite color? Purple, wow. And what is your favorite color? My favorite color is red, alright, next. Alright, you got two more chances. Come on now, sis. I need you to come through, sister, alright. What is Kiara's favorite food? Ooh, crab legs. That's right, okay, I'll take that one. Okay, crab legs, that's right, okay.

Speaker 3: 3:47

I'll take that one Okay.

Speaker 2: 3:50

And then the third one what is Kiara's favorite thing to do? Come on, we talked about this. Yeah, that is sleep. What that is sleep? She said sleep.

Speaker 1: 4:09

I think that is why, because her whole emotion changes. So good, that is it Good answer, good answer, good answer.

Speaker 3: 4:20

I believe that is it?

Speaker 2: 4:21

Oh my God. Well, thank you, sister.

Speaker 3: 4:22

Bestie for helping her out. Thanks, sister Bestie. Well, thank you, sis Bestie, for helping her out. Thanks, sister Bestie, I'll talk to you later.

Speaker 1: 4:29

All right, so you get to go on to the next round. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 4:34

At the end of the season we'll see who is the winner of this amazing game Awesome, well, we're excited.

Speaker 1: 4:40

Let's go ahead and get into today's topic, which is what show Fresh Faces. We're excited. Let's go ahead and get into today's topic, which is what Shay Fresh faces. And all that means is we're talking about what it feels like to be new to the group chat, you know, to enter into a friendship bubble where the people already are in a relationship. They know each other really well. We're going to be talking about that today. Okay, so have y'all ever been new to the group chat? I feel like everybody had been new to the group chat, but I want to hear about y'all experiences being new to a group chat you want me to go first?

Speaker 2: 5:11

you? Can go first um, I think the main one I I would say that just is fresh, I guess is um not fresh. But coming down to mississippi, um, y'all kind of already had you know my brother and sister-in-law, they all were, you know, in a group already and then once I moved down, I kind of like came in and it was new and it was like 10 of y'all already and so it was just new, trying to get to learn everybody's personality yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:42

I bet. And then, just you know, trying to see who I clicked more with, I guess and it was me, she found out. And actually it was Marisha, and I was like I'm just like that's my bestie though, but no, no me. And you definitely clicked pretty much, I think, because you was always at the house with Britt and Stevon, so it was just like.

Speaker 1: 6:01

Wow.

Speaker 2: 6:14

So I and steve-on, so it was just like wow, so I'm just there. So I mean, you was there so that you know, the proximity didn't be kind of you know, okay, um became besties, don't put your finger up, and so yeah, and so yeah, that was like a fresh, you know fresh group for me, um, a great group for me, like I said, I think that um like.

Speaker 1: 6:24

did you ever feel like, oh, this is going to be a lot, this is too much.

Speaker 2: 6:26

It was Cause, you know, coming from the season of, I keep one or two good ones. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Um, to not being all around all these people.

Speaker 2: 6:35

Right Now I have this yes.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Wow, I'm standing up all night and Shay you remember that one time. This is how you can tell somebody to do to the group chat. I think we're talking about the little prophetic circle and everybody's in there like worshiping the Lord, just like praying, giving prophetic words and Shay just starts talking. And nothing's wrong with talking like glorify the Lord, but she's just like what did you start saying I don't know about?

Speaker 2: 7:02

Shay yeah, she's definitely new to this. No, they was like super holy rollers. I don't know what it was.

Speaker 1: 7:08

We were just praying.

Speaker 2: 7:09

Oh, because it was the kids. We was part of the youth ministry, remember, and so y'all was going in for them, youth, and I think I just I don't know, it was new to me it was new.

Speaker 1: 7:19

It was very funny. So yeah, yeah, so being even on the side of being in the group and somebody new coming to it, like that's an experience all by itself, because it's just like.

Speaker 2: 7:27

So what did you think of me when I came to the group?

Speaker 1: 7:29

you and you was my best friend and all I heard what I heard was words about you, which is why I don't have like a memory or an experience. So it's like, oh, my goodness, I want to be her friend. She moves in mississippi and she's my friend, so I don't really remember the middle ground, like looking at her, like not you though but somebody else in this room. I was like wow, tell me more what was your? Experience. Coming specifically to this group chat, because you know, okay, specifically to this group chat.

Speaker 3: 7:57

So my experience coming to this group chat was it was very interesting, to be very honest. Um, I started out with one person me and my close friend and you know she would invite me to places all the time and I would just tell her.

Speaker 3: 8:12

Like you know, I don't really know if I want to right now, Because at that time I don't know if I was looking for to be in a group, Because I had already been a part of like like a really big friend group already, so coming into a new one that's already established.

Speaker 1: 8:27

Wait, so how you get out of the other one.

Speaker 3: 8:30

We'll talk about that later. Was it your fault or their fault?

Speaker 1: 8:33

Right, We'll talk about that later. Oh wow, Okay. So Kia, whose fault was it in the old group chat?

Speaker 3: 8:39

So it was everybody's fault. It was my fault and their fault.

Speaker 2: 8:42

Okay, no one is like specifically to blame.

Speaker 3: 8:46

Okay, um yeah, no, but me coming into an already established friend group I thought that was. It was kind of scary it was. I just didn't know what to expect. I'm just like you know they already know each other. How in the heck am I going to insert myself into a group of people that already, like, know each other? Yeah, um. So Nakia kept inviting me to places and eventually I gave in because I'm like you know, I might as well just go, try as well go, try us, and y'all end up being some, some of the most amazing take us for a ride.

Speaker 1: 9:14

Okay, so outside of your own like personal fears, with like going into group chat because you've been, like, maybe you know, hurt by one, what were some other things that was just like specifically with this group of friends that you were like, hmm, let me hold off for a moment.

Speaker 3: 9:33

I believe it was the. Again it was a season I was in uh experiencing just with my, my own personal things so your opinion on us was completely yours um go ahead, it's the, it's the.

Speaker 2: 9:49

It's the group chat.

Speaker 1: 9:51

No, okay, because my personal experience, even with the group that I became friends with initially when I came into the church we went to, was that there were, like you know, there were people who were just like, oh, don't be friends with them, they're cults, they're there, so I know that I know other people who I'm in the friend group with now like who've had that experience of being told you, you know, don't be friends with them, right? So I'm wondering if that played a part in you.

Speaker 3: 10:15

I know your personal like fears and self was a factor. But I wonder if you know, yeah, so it did play a part. I did have a narrative.

Speaker 1: 10:25

I just want her to talk about it.

Speaker 3: 10:28

Are you kidding me, taz? No, so it did play a part um to hold back when I initially thought about becoming a part of your guys friend group. Um, I was kind of told, you know, to look out for some things, and it put like a, a blinker on my eye, like a red light. Okay, be alarmed you, they might not be what you think. We ain't recitized you, though. Not they haven't.

Speaker 1: 10:54

We were not legion. I'm just kidding. We were not legion, right, we all?

Speaker 3: 10:58

got some devils to be delivered from In general Right.

Speaker 2: 11:02

Yeah, we ain't the we, ain't all the hiccups and stuff like that, but that's, that's the whole part of community and friendship and it's part of being a human being who's trying to love god and become who he's called you to be.

Speaker 3: 11:13

There's no way you're going to be perfect and be the best person at all times, just because you have the word christian or whatever, that you go to church, and I knew that and I knew that, um, I mean nobody's perfect, but again, just that narrative that I was giving it kind of made me look at you guys like okay, I probably won't ever be a part of their friend group because I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want to be, you know, mishandled. And so it did. It played a part in me.

Speaker 2: 11:37

Have we mishandled you?

Speaker 3: 11:39

No, you haven't.

Speaker 1: 11:41

Gotten on her nerves, bossed her around a little bit.

Speaker 3: 11:43

Y'all don't get on my nerves at all.

Speaker 2: 11:51

I love you guys, guys, and it's been what?

Speaker 3: 11:52

how many years? About six? Well, according to someone here with us, it has been since 2022. Am I right? In my personal opinion, it's been about since 2018 in my opinion, in my memories kiera

Speaker 2: 12:00

really came on the scene like two years ago that is not true. I don't know why she can say two years.

Speaker 1: 12:06

no idea why she is not in my core memory, because I led her in an entire youth ministry and the only memories I have are in photos.

Speaker 2: 12:16

They are not in my brain, so I'm also like she's shown me text messages where I'm like she got into an accident and I'm like checking on her, thank you.

Speaker 1: 12:25

So, I don't know if that was a season of life, because that's possibly what it was.

Speaker 2: 12:29

Because I went through my own traumatic event.

Speaker 1: 12:31

That I kind of blanked out for the most part. So unless you were someone in my life just acting a straight fool or you were really, really close to me, yeah, you were just kind of you know that person is just kind of there. That's helpful, that's nice, but like, oh, nice, didn't make a stamp, yeah, in the trauma, through the trauma that I was experiencing at that moment. So in my mind, you know, kiara has been around for about two years. Really, when we moved to Texas, that's 2020, though, tia.

Speaker 3: 12:57

You know what I think, though? I think that it's really good that we, that you didn't see me then, or like that I was hidden from you. I think if we would have crossed paths, like knew each other how we know each other now, it might not have been as fun, or it might not. We might not have had the same experience with each other, just because of what we probably both were dealing with.

Speaker 1: 13:17

I'm glad that God kind of like that.

Speaker 2: 13:18

It just happened how it happened.

Speaker 3: 13:20

You know I'm glad for that.

Speaker 2: 13:22

So have you had any challenges joining a group chat? I mean being the fresh face in that group chat, If I did?

Speaker 1: 13:30

I didn't know it. So, I'm like, I like the idea and especially back then I liked the idea of making friends. So even when I was told like, don't be friends with them. They had called the first initial hangout.

Speaker 2: 13:44

I did not go to but one of my other friends went, and so he was like I had a good time and so the next time I went I was like I had a great time and I think after that point I just kind of forgot because it was just like this was a vibe, this was a great time and then I continued in friendship, whatever, and evolved so my I don't know.

Speaker 1: 14:02

I haven't joined any new group chats in my big 30 days. And so I wouldn't be against it per se. I'll just say that you know, I already kind of have my own, so it's a lot of responsibility, but I wouldn't mind joining somebody else's. So I didn't have a hard time. It wasn't, I wasn't trying to, but I could imagine it being very difficult. I'll say this Nope, no, I'm not going to say that.

Speaker 3: 14:25

Well, what do you want to say? What do you want to say, Tan?

Speaker 1: 14:27

Let us know I think I already said it. Oh, it was a complete thought. So who are you most afraid, if anyone, of getting close to, or being friends with or being around in this specific friend group?

Speaker 3: 14:40

You want me to be very honest.

Speaker 1: 14:41

I'm true.

Speaker 3: 14:42

It was you.

Speaker 2: 14:44

It's you, it's always you.

Speaker 3: 14:46

You're the one and I think, because I look at your personality and I'm like, oh my god tan is so big so like your personality is so big, yeah, and I don't think I've ever had a friend that challenges me the way that you challenge and the way that you just like pull out everything in me.

Speaker 3: 15:03

It was not intimidating, but I just I was like I don't, I don't need that in my life right now. You know um, but yeah, I think I think it was you, but not't I don't, I don't need that in my life right now. You know um, but yeah, I think I think it was you, but not because you're a bad person, it's just because I I saw she's a pusher, just this difference in us and I was scared that we wouldn't be compatible or, like our personalities wouldn't mix.

Speaker 3: 15:23

But we're perfect for each other now.

Speaker 2: 15:25

We're perfect for each other.

Speaker 1: 15:26

So Kier didn't tell this story or how. We became, I guess, more intentional in order to get to where we are in our friendship. So we were at um, we were at our pastor's house and I don't know. First lady was like ask, I don't know, I don't know, maybe she's trying to get our life together. It was like a vision board, ish, kind of I can't remember I don't really know, it was some kind of meeting or whatever, and I don't know what she was saying.

Speaker 2: 15:50

But all I know is we left her house.

Speaker 1: 15:54

Whatever happened in that conversation I'm assuming it sparked something in you- so maybe you can speak to that, and then I'll tell my kids.

Speaker 3: 16:01

You know what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about. Well, tell me, because I went to Jews. So do we so I had told you know Nakia, I was like you know. I think I want to pursue a deeper friendship with Tan.

Speaker 2: 16:16

She was like yeah, you should definitely. You know, you should just tell her.

Speaker 1: 16:20

You should just say something Like thank God she's going to have more friends.

Speaker 3: 16:24

You know, she probably definitely said that no, she didn't. I know Love my friend. No, but so't I know Love my friend. No, but so I was like I think I'm going to do it. So she was like yeah, you should definitely do it. So that night I was, you know, I was driving. I'm like I think this is the moment you know.

Speaker 2: 16:41

I think this is the time I felt it in my heart.

Speaker 3: 16:43

You called me or texted me. No, you were sitting in the back seat. We were seat. We were in my kid's car. We were in my kid's car. Yeah, so we were leaving. We were leaving and in my head I'm like this is the moment right here.

Speaker 2: 16:55

You know, I'm just going to friend pose to her because I didn't know.

Speaker 3: 16:59

I was like what if she rejects me? You know what if she doesn't, what if she doesn't understand my question? She's like I don't want no more friends. You know, I would have cried, and so in that moment. I just she friend posed, I friend posed to you and it was.

Speaker 2: 17:13

It was great you know, the response was a little interesting you was like um, you was like oh, okay so we friend posing out in these no. So let me tell you from my perspective that was my perspective.

Speaker 3: 17:28

I'm just going on about my perspective. That was my perspective.

Speaker 1: 17:30

I'm just going on about my little life at this point I know that kia exists right, she's in with nikea and I'm just going on about my little life and we in the car and she asked me this question about being intentional and fritial, and I'm like for a couple reasons, one being that the pandemic really took me out as it relates to, like friendship. I went through a very depressive season and I got to a point where it's just like I'm good with what I have. So when you're asking me this question, you're asking me a question during a time where I'm just like I was like that whole no new team, friend or person, but like the core of who I am. Don't mind having more people around, don't mind having more relationships.

Speaker 1: 18:11

And mind having more people around. Don't mind having more relationships?

Speaker 2: 18:13

yeah, and I hadn't. Second, I had never had an experience with somebody who were intentional about me.

Speaker 1: 18:15

I only. I have probably two people in my life who's ever asked me, like, who's shown that's a lot, two and a half well, okay, I'm just talking about two. Two that, like, have been very intentional about pursuing relationship with me, and to me that means a lot because I've always been the pursuer out of the people I'm friends with. I'm always very intentional or have been intentional about.

Speaker 1: 18:35

Okay, I was like intentional, by asking people to hang out and checking on people, and I have no problem with that, that's just who I am. But, being on the flip side, it's an amazing feeling for somebody to pursue you and actually, and so the first was Yoshiko. Yoshiko was super intentional. I love you, yoshiko about hanging out with me and that sort of thing. And so the second was Kiera, and I'm just like, oh shoot, oh shoot, yeah. How do you answer these questions?

Speaker 2: 19:03

that's how I feel don't be like 10 and y'all friendposal. Give the people what they need give them what they need.

Speaker 3: 19:09

So, shay, what about you like?

Speaker 2: 19:11

um, never friend post. Um, never, no. So now, since I hear the heart of it, um, I guess I mean nothing bad to friend pose. I mean because, like you said, some people want to be pursued at the end of the day. So, um, I don't think it's bad. Uh, it's just interesting, it's it's an interesting comment, let me know in the comments, have y'all ever like, got friend posed to, or ever? So let's, let's explain what. Explain what a friend pose.

Speaker 1: 19:39

Yeah, so you know like if a man proposes to a woman right or one proposes a man, are they doing? That too, if a man proposes to a woman, he is saying, hey, I love, I want to be in a committed relationship to you. So we're kind of making up this definition. A friend-posal is when a friend initiates a relationship and they're saying, hey, I want to be in relationship with you, I want to have a friendship with you, and I want us to be intentional about this.

Speaker 2: 20:03

I don't want us to kind of just go with the flow I want us to be intentional about actually building something, and so that's scary because it's just like who's doing that we should be natural.

Speaker 1: 20:12

It should just happen naturally, and sometimes it does, yeah, sometimes a lot of times it does. But sometimes God has called you to be friends and connected to someone and if you don't say, hey, this is where I want this to be or what I want this to go, then you'll stay in that, go with the flow and go to 20 years y'all not even being close exactly.

Speaker 2: 20:28

And that goes back to how we were saying like um, friends but not friends, in a sense, because you it's 20 years later and you really don't even know the connection you really had, because you didn't set those boundaries in the beginning, like how she wanted to be intentional with you. You know what I mean. Like if you wouldn't have did that, you would have went 20 years of her just saying I met you two years ago. You get what?

Speaker 3: 20:50

I'm saying, and if I can be honest, I bring up Nakia a lot because she was a really big connecting point for me and she really taught me the meaning of, like the scripture in order to have a friend, you need to be a friend and so I really didn't understand that until I pursued like someone, like being someone else's friend and not just expecting them to be mine, and so the expectation switched.

Speaker 3: 21:19

you know me friend posing, or asking to be intentional with you, was me trying to friend pose. I haven't friend posed to Shay yet I miss her Her time is here. She doesn't know. Waiting for the haven't friend posed to Shay yet I mess, I mess, I mess, but her time is here.

Speaker 1: 21:31

She just doesn't know it. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for the right moment. She doesn't know it's coming Right, right.

Speaker 2: 21:36

I want balloons, flowers. It's going to be real extravagant and everything.

Speaker 3: 21:41

No, but it really. And, if I can add to the point, I've never had the opportunity to do that. You know me being a part of other friend groups. They are amazing people. I've had some really amazing experiences, but I prayed for you guys before I ever met you.

Speaker 3: 21:58

Like I prayed, I said God you know, I really, really I want to be a part of a friend group that understands me, that loves you. And the answer that he gave me, like he revealed you guys to me and y'all were right here in my face. But because I wasn't willing to pursue, I didn't know, like I didn't know, I didn't see, so I missed out on a lot. Um, but then when I gave it a chance and God was like these are your people, like this is your tribe? Um, it made more sense and I have the prayer in my phone.

Speaker 3: 22:29

I'm not going to read it but, I would love to read it it's very intimate and everything.

Speaker 2: 22:36

But yeah, can you summarize, you know, tangle, that's why you don't?

Speaker 3: 22:41

be, friends, she gon' fool so basically me being I wouldn't say I was a babe in Christ. I kind of was a babe in Christ, but just coming into the world of Christianity and trying to reestablish. So basically me being, I wouldn't say I was a babe in Christ. I kind of was a babe in Christ, but just coming into the world of Christianity and trying to reestablish friendships. Apart from what I knew like drinking and smoking and partying, that was a big part of who I was. So people know me like Kira, turn up, we're going to turn up and being a part of you guys' friend group.

Speaker 2: 23:12

That wasn't the case. So I'm like, okay, you know they're gonna hold me accountable, they're going to pray with me. They're going to be honest with me we're gonna turn up, though, and not in that. No, we're gonna turn up, but not in that way, right?

Speaker 3: 23:20

right and so, um, because that was so different for me, I really had to pray and ask god to help me handle you guys like not not mishandle the friendships and relationships that he gave to me.

Speaker 3: 23:31

So that was what he revealed we're going to be ministers of the gospel. You know they're going to love you, they're going to know who Kiera is, they're going to celebrate you and, like it was just small things that y'all would do, and I'm like, wow, that's what God told me that they would do, and he just kept revealing that over time, over time, over time, it made me more comfortable wanting to get to know you guys, because I'm like that's good, this is exactly what God told me. So I think it's important to have a relationship with God so that when he does put you or allow you to be a part of something that you know already established friend group, yeah, that you, you know you don't miss them and you don't mishandle them.

Speaker 1: 24:09

So you friend posed to me and you had a friendship with Nike as well. But how exactly did you go about like, what did you actually do to like build that connection with me and then as well as with everybody else in the friend group?

Speaker 3: 24:24

Just start showing up. I started to show up, I started to make myself more vulnerable, not being afraid that if I share something that you know you guys would take it and do whatever with it. Just allow it like being myself. So, yeah, me just showing up when I would be invited to things and not staying isolated like I wanted to, because I can't stand when I invite somebody to wear something and they don't show up.

Speaker 1: 24:49

And I get it. You got things to do, place to go, but it's just like ma'am that's why she only know you for two years. If I invite you somewhere and like I do it about two to three times and you don't ever show up to any of them. The likelihood of me inviting you to somewhere again is slim to none. Not because I'm mad, but I'm human too and I can handle so much rejection. So just head out there when you know, you're trying to be friends

Speaker 3: 25:11

with someone and I also had to get over the fear of if I show up like, do they even really want me here? You know, because I'm here on behalf of someone else you know and it's like do they want to pursue friendship with me? Do they want to? You know, even though this is what I want, the answer could be.

Speaker 1: 25:30

The answer could be they don't know they never considered it and not. And sometimes it's not until we're actually in your space and we're enjoying you. Then I'm like, oh, she's pretty cool. Oh that's a good time, Like. So maybe you walked in the room and I'm just like oh, Nakia brought her friend, Right. But by the time you leave the room it's like oh, she's pretty cool, Nakia, make sure you invite her again, Right? That's amazing.

Speaker 3: 26:02

So I think it's okay. Or if you never show up, you never know. Yeah, that's so true, but I think that's like that's another challenging thing for people who are looking to become a part of a group, a friend group, or make new friends.

Speaker 1: 26:11

It's like I don't even know if they want me because, you know, have you ever been in a room where somebody you can like, you can feel it you can feel like you can walk in a room and know someone does not want.

Speaker 2: 26:20

But that's good, though, because now you can move on to another group.

Speaker 1: 26:24

You get what I'm saying. Now I think I understand a little bit. I've had some very interesting experiences with people really who, after they've kind of known me for a while, will say to me oh yeah, I didn't really like you know I initially met you like I felt like you were too happy or I felt like you're this or that.

Speaker 1: 26:39

So now, when I initially meet people, their words of what they said they initially felt when I met them and I am being myself I could. I sometimes find myself being the quieter version of myself, especially when I initially meet people, because I know what people have said about their initial meeting of me. I can be be too hyped, too excited, too loud too much laughing. And it is me Right.

Speaker 2: 27:01

But I kind of see what she's saying, but I don't think I would ever.

Speaker 1: 27:04

I don't think I would.

Speaker 2: 27:05

I ain't saying this good advice, I'm just telling you my experience. I don't think I would ever stop being Shay at the end of the day, like that's just who I am, that's how God made me. I feel like so it's just, I'm gonna give you all of it, whatever group setting I'm in, I'm gonna give it to you. We at church I'm gonna act the same.

Speaker 1: 27:25

I just I don't know, so don't yeah, so so I know you hear this a lot. Yeah, it bothers me. I know it shouldn't, I'm trying to figure out. Does it bother you? Okay? So the similarity between our personalities, even though we're completely different and you'll know that, but the similarity is that we both play a lot, okay, we both laugh a lot, correct? Like you know, I'm saying we can. To some people's eyes, we can do the most, and I've heard people characterize that as like being childish, right, correct. Does it bother you that people feel?

Speaker 2: 27:57

like we're childish in our personalities if god didn't make me this way, I would have probably chilled out. Obviously, god made me this way. I'm not dumbing down nothing. I'm not even at a big age even at 35 years old, you're gonna get the best of shivana marie lewis I just can't, I can't like yeah I can't.

Speaker 2: 28:19

I think I think what it was too like. I think I was always quiet and shy and, like you said, I think like younger age and not giving my full potential, and it's like I'm not about to do that, like well, I agree.

Speaker 1: 28:33

So I can't really hold on the fakeness too long but I do find myself because all the words like initially when walking to spaces like you and I can't invite me. Well, y'all invited me to the little event. Y'all little organization, y'all used to be a part of, but y'all don't be going tomorrow y'all used to like invite me to the events and I'm like super quiet, like I am quiet until I figure out.

Speaker 1: 28:56

You dance that night, I am quiet, I notice that you're out, that this is a safe space for me, and until then, like I'm not gonna give you me because, yeah, I hate to fight somebody because they said something crazy to me.

Speaker 2: 29:07

You know what I'm saying. That's not what God want for me. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I don't know first face or not. I feel like I just can't. I don't think it's got to be you. Yeah, did you have trouble being you?

Speaker 3: 29:19

I don't think I had trouble being me. I think that I was just faced with trying to find where I fit in and trying to I don't really know how to put it. I wasn't, I wasn't afraid to be myself. It just took a little time for me to get out of my shell and okay, you know, let you guys see the crazy, fun side of me question did the did the front puzzle happen before after wakanda?

Speaker 1: 29:50

it was definitely after you okay, so then that that's why I thought what I thought when we were playing in wakanda.

Speaker 2: 29:56

Right.

Speaker 1: 29:56

So I knew that I had to invite you to it. But I'm just like this is interesting because we're not that close, and I'm happy that you were, because now we are, now we have those pictures in our memory Right, right, right. But I remember thinking back then like I know I have to invite her, but like she not really that close, she close to us, right.

Speaker 3: 30:15

And you know what? What? Did you think about being invited to it? I was excited first of all. We have to show that picture of Wakanda, though we was fine.

Speaker 2: 30:22

I was excited.

Speaker 3: 30:22

That was a really dope experience. I just thought that, okay, you said you felt like you had to invite me, so I'm like, maybe, she do feel like she have to.

Speaker 1: 30:34

I'm so glad Because you had to have been a part to some extent.

Speaker 2: 30:39

She was in that group text, so she had to be. But why would I have invited you?

Speaker 3: 30:43

Because you knew Tan Huh, you knew, you knew that you loved me and everything. She was coming to a lot of stuff though during Wakanda. Maybe you were starting to show up. That's when she physically showed up. That was 2022.

Speaker 2: 30:54

Remember Wakanda oh 22.

Speaker 3: 30:56

Remember Wakanda.

Speaker 1: 30:57

Oh, okay, it was November. That ain't the year you met her.

Speaker 2: 31:01

That's not the year she met me. That's the year of your memory, but yeah, that's not the year you met her.

Speaker 1: 31:06

Okay, so did you feel like, why'd she invite?

Speaker 3: 31:08

me to this. I didn't, I just, I was just excited to be there. That's all that matters here. That's all that matters.

Speaker 1: 31:16

Okay, so then before we end this episode. So what would be your advice both of y'all? Advice to someone who is trying to make a new friend or they're on the verge of about to join a new friend group. Maybe they have a connection, like you did when Ikea entered in. What would be some advice you would give to them?

Speaker 2: 31:39

I would say just be yourself. That's one thing, Because if you're not yourself, they can't tell. You know, do they want you part of this group, not part of this group? So yeah, just be yourself, Go in there and command the room. At the end of the day, Girl command the room.

Speaker 3: 31:55

Come on, command the room. I'm just saying you know. But yeah, okay, I think I would give them the advice of, like Shay said, don't be afraid to be yourself, don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and, just you know, allow yourself to explore and to discover new, new things about yourself through new people, because, you just never know, everyone has the ability to bring out something different in you, and so if you stick to what's comfortable you will never have, you will never see different layers of yourself falling off I didn't even know that I was capable of helping doing podcasts.

Speaker 3: 32:30

But here I am, season two here I am helping with that and I think just the ability to come away from. If you're already a part of a circle and you're like I feel like I need to transition. You know, don't be afraid to step away from those people. You can still love them, but God might just be trying to open up a door for you to advance and go further. So those people that were your besties in high school or your besties in college, you know they might not have the capacity for where God's trying to take you in the future.

Speaker 3: 33:05

So if you find yourself, not wanting to be a part of a friend group because you're scared or you're fearful. You know, just trust God, because I promise you he will definitely put you in the right circle.

Speaker 1: 33:18

That's cool. Definitely put you in the right circle. That's gone. That's meant for you.

Speaker 3: 33:22

That's good. You miss 100 of the crab legs. You do not eat that is so true?

Speaker 1: 33:24

okay, don't ever eat the crab legs. So I say all that it's really 100 shots.

Speaker 2: 33:29

Shoot your shot with these people.

Speaker 1: 33:31

Be okay with some people may not be interested in you, but for every no you get. That's getting you closer to the yes, to the people who really do want to be in community and friendship and a part of your group chat. Yeah, that's good, that's good.

Speaker 2: 33:41

All right, so this segment is called friendship stories, all right. So I'm gonna read a story and I'm gonna tell me your opinion. Okay, me and my friend went out for the night. I sometimes like to make a fashion statement, but this specific night I was unsure if it looked okay or not. I asked my friends and they all said that I looked great. We took a photo and posted it on social media. By the time we woke up the next day, I was being flamed all over the internet. I texted my friends and said why didn't y'all tell me it was cute? And they responded with if you like it, we love it. It what?

Speaker 1: 34:19

are y'all thoughts on that one? I'm gonna say this I just I do not think she should get out of that group chat, okay. Okay, I have been friends with people where I have not liked something and I have told them that it was not cute. Now, me liking it is my personal opinion, so you can only go so far with that, so I can say that's not cute. But if you think it cute, then that's really all that matters, which is why I understand the statement.

Speaker 1: 34:45

If you like it, I love it. So I've been there. Where I didn't seen a friend, I said that's just not cute, ma'am. The glasses kick snack right and years later why you didn't tell me I was looking like that I did so for the friends who made the decision to tell you you look great.

Speaker 1: 35:02

I see why they told you that that should have lied. No, they should just say do you like it? You know right? Yeah, ultimately you know to an extent they did lie. But I understand why. Because you can tell somebody so long that ain't cute. But if you realize that your friend like to wear 12 colors at one time, you just that's who you are and I'm so sorry that the internet had to find out this way, but I don't think you should get out of that group chat.

Speaker 1: 35:21

If anything, make a space for them to, for them to be able to say, hey, we don't think that looks cute, and you respond in a way so they know they can be honest with you.

Speaker 2: 35:28

That's good but, yeah, I had the experience trying to tell these folks no, the wig is not cute so get out the group chat or stay in one.

Speaker 3: 35:35

You know it depends on if that has ever happened to her before. You know if it's been something consistently, you should probably get out that group chat, sis, because they are not willing to tell you the truth.

Speaker 1: 35:45

Because she said she was trying to make a fashion statement Okay, well, that's an exception.

Speaker 3: 35:50

That's an exception. But I agree with Tan. You know she doesn't have to get out the group chat. I think her friends probably should just be a little more honest up front. Just hey, sis we don't like, we don't like that. But if you like it, you know, go ahead, do your thing we're going to support you either way.

Speaker 2: 36:04

Gotcha, I would say yeah, for that part. I'm not leaving a group chat for get out your feelings. Uh text your friends and make sure you let them know. Hey, be honest with me.

Speaker 1: 36:27

Yeah, just say that before. I would like, if y'all honest with me.

Speaker 2: 36:29

So at least I know that I'm about to be flamed If I choose to say yes, yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:34

But then why didn't they feel safe to give you the answer?

Speaker 3: 36:37

she understand flame me all the time in my face. I didn't flame you, kiera. I love it, though. I love the outfits.

Speaker 1: 36:46

I have seen it already a lot it was the same concept like the sweatshirt and that's the truth with the hat, with the earrings.

Speaker 3: 36:56

I was just in a season where I just wanted to do that Me too.

Speaker 1: 37:00

I dress like a home person, remember you had the little.

Speaker 2: 37:04

Back in the day, you had the little. What's the little shoes? Jesus shoes. You're laughing too hard.

Speaker 3: 37:10

You're laughing too hard on this. What you got, shay, tell us.

Speaker 2: 37:14

Jesus shoes. I know in the comments.

Speaker 3: 37:18

Somebody have a picture?

Speaker 2: 37:20

what Jesus shoes are you talking about right here and now?

Speaker 1: 37:23

yeah, like crockish so it ain't the crocks y'all be wearing not the crocks y'all used to wear where you put your little toes between it and it shepherds those are very fashionable.

Speaker 3: 37:31

Though she loved them. Those were very fashionable, they were never fashionable. I was played by every friend. I'm trying to help you.

Speaker 1: 37:37

No, it's not help. Please don't throw that away. It's. Somebody bought me a pair of women again, which is why I understatement I like it. I love it, because if I like something, yeah, no, no. If y'all would have told me this outfit was ugly, I would not have cared, because I was going to wear it Right Exactly.

Speaker 2: 37:54

Don't be mad at your friends, be mad at the internet or just be mad at yourself for trying to make it faster.

Speaker 1: 37:58

Be bold in it, because maybe you still think the outfit is hot, even though the internet hated it right Kanye West be around here dressed like who did what and when and is not selling it and somebody like it, right?

Speaker 2: 38:09

right, alright, that's the end of this episode. Fresh faces. Make sure you like subscribe. Make sure you like subscribe and comment.

Speaker 1: 38:17

And share.

Speaker 2: 38:18

What about? Like five ten people Listen out for our podcast on every platform and yeah, so let's do this.

Speaker 1: 38:27

Miss Kiara, do you mind giving them your socials before we head out of here? Sure.

Speaker 3: 38:31

So you can follow me at Kiki underscore Shante on IG and you can also follow my fitness page.

Speaker 1: 38:38

Go add fitness At Fierce underscore Temple Fitness. You know I'm here for all on IG and you can also follow my fitness page at fierce underscore temple fitness.

Speaker 3: 38:41

You know I'm here for all the motivation, fitness tips, everything you need.

Speaker 1: 38:45

Come find me and if you want to be a part of our close friends and we mean like legitimately our close friends on Instagram all you gotta do is DM us and say I want to be a close friend and we will add you to our close friends and you can get the inside scoop on what we're doing on the day to day. You can get the inside scoop on what we're doing on the day to day. You'll get all the feed on what we're doing next with the podcast. All the good stuff will be in our close friends on IG, so go ahead and follow us there and make sure you guys, if you want a shout out with your best.

Speaker 1: 39:14

We got the details below.

Speaker 2: 39:16

So, yeah, that's a wrap on today. On today, awesome. We'll see you guys next time.