Have you ever observed a sudden shift in a child's routine and wondered what it truly meant? Unveiling the enigmatic signs of childhood trauma, this episode features counseling psychologist Natalia Andoh who brings her profound insights into how these early experiences shape our mental health into adulthood. Together, we dissect the staggering reality that nearly 1 billion children face trauma, emphasizing the urgency for awareness and support.
Navigating the intersection of personal anecdotes and professional expertise, I open up about my path to mental health advocacy, shaped by my own introspections and life's unforeseen challenges. Our discussion moves through the undercurrents of behavior, from the subtleties of a child's shifts in habits to the tumultuous effects on adult relationships and self-development. Natalia provides a keen understanding of the thin line between typical sorrow and significant psychological distress, offering guidance to help identify when professional intervention may be necessary for healing.
Closing the conversation, we shed light on the less obvious symptoms of mental distress that are often overlooked, such as dramatic changes in sleep or eating patterns. It's an invitation to listeners: stay engaged, share your narratives, and join a burgeoning community that champions mental health. This heartfelt episode is not just a listening experience but a call to extend empathy and support to those grappling with the invisible scars of trauma.
Watch the video episode of this on YouTube - https://linktr.ee/konnectedminds
Have you ever observed a sudden shift in a child's routine and wondered what it truly meant? Unveiling the enigmatic signs of childhood trauma, this episode features counseling psychologist Natalia Andoh who brings her profound insights into how these early experiences shape our mental health into adulthood. Together, we dissect the staggering reality that nearly 1 billion children face trauma, emphasizing the urgency for awareness and support.
Navigating the intersection of personal anecdotes and professional expertise, I open up about my path to mental health advocacy, shaped by my own introspections and life's unforeseen challenges. Our discussion moves through the undercurrents of behavior, from the subtleties of a child's shifts in habits to the tumultuous effects on adult relationships and self-development. Natalia provides a keen understanding of the thin line between typical sorrow and significant psychological distress, offering guidance to help identify when professional intervention may be necessary for healing.
Closing the conversation, we shed light on the less obvious symptoms of mental distress that are often overlooked, such as dramatic changes in sleep or eating patterns. It's an invitation to listeners: stay engaged, share your narratives, and join a burgeoning community that champions mental health. This heartfelt episode is not just a listening experience but a call to extend empathy and support to those grappling with the invisible scars of trauma.
Watch the video episode of this on YouTube - https://linktr.ee/konnectedminds
This week on Connected Minds podcast, counseling psychologist Natalia Andor sits with us to talk about childhood traumas. The bad and the ugly. Do stay tuned. What is the one thing that traumatized you as a child? People behave out of a communication from how they feel. From children through adolescents, to adults, to the aged. People go through all kinds of things Based off of the feeling. You're bound to behave a certain way.
Speaker 2:Now I want you to take us through this. What is a child trauma? Hello guys, welcome once again to Connected Minds podcast, and it's me again. Join us today as we uncover a staggering reality Now approximately 1 billion children worldwide between the ages of 2 to 17, have faced a certain form of physical, sexual or emotional violence or neglect. In this profound conversation that we're going to have with the counseling psychologist, natalia Andor, she's going to guide us through how to recognize and support those who may be grappling with the aftermath of trauma. Thank you so much for coming today and being with us. I really appreciate you being in that seat, and what I like is you've made the seat your own.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me, but how are you? I'm well, I'm well. Thank you, how are you? I'm fine, ok, I'm fine.
Speaker 2:I like to believe I'm fine.
Speaker 1:OK, yeah, I'm sure you are.
Speaker 2:Because you do this a lot. If I'm not careful, today's conversation is going to be about me rather than you. Ok, but let's see how it goes. Yeah, so today we wanted to discuss childhood trauma, which, of course, in the end can lead to a lot of mental health issues later on in people's lives Now. So let's take it all the way back to mental health.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:Your understanding and what people can take from your explanations.
Speaker 1:Ok, Any time I have to talk about mental health and what it is, I try to make it very simple and I've said this in a few places, so I'm going to make here the next place that I say it. When you think about your mental health, think about you as a person. The way you think, ok. The way you feel and the way you act, that is mental health. The way you think, the way you feel, the way you act or the way you behave, that is mental health. If your thought patterns, psychologically, how you function, is good, ok. If your emotional well-being, which is the way you feel, is good. And your social skills, which is the way you behave, the way you act. So, psychologically, emotionally, socially, there has to be a fine balance between these three. Once you have these three balanced out beautifully, you have great mental health. Well, your mental health is in the best space. But if any of these has a little imbalance, then there's a problem.
Speaker 1:So I find that people think that mental health is just always just your mind. Your emotions come to play and that informs your behavior, because a lot of the time people behave out of a communication, from how they feel. It's the reason why one of the questions that any therapist or anybody in the space of mental health or psychology will ask you is how do you feel? Because we know that, based off of the feeling, you're bound to behave a certain way and the behavior usually becomes the problem or the question or the reason why there has to be a conversation. So we take it from how you're reasoning, how you're feeling and then how you behave. That is mental health.
Speaker 2:Fantastic, but a lot of people know you in the media space as well.
Speaker 1:Yes, a lot of people do.
Speaker 2:The many people who watch you, listen to you, are probably thinking why mental health? How did you get yourself into that?
Speaker 1:space. Then when did she become that, or why is she that? So I noticed that there was such a huge gap in conversations around mental health. At some point in my life, I went through a situation that I tried to understand. A relationship with someone drove me to a point where I began to question a lot of things in my mind, and so I felt like no, it has to be deeper than this. I need to understand it better than this. So I actually went back to school just so I could learn and understand why these things would happen to a person. How your, you know how everybody has where. What creatures of habit, children beings Yep.
Speaker 1:Everybody has a routine, or what they call the abnormal.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay. The minute you veer away from that, especially when you veer too far away from that, it's usually because there's a problem, something is not right, something has, you know, moved you and it will serve you you, the person, it will serve you better if you try to understand or find out why, because something cannot be happening in your life when you know this is not my normal and you just allow it to play out and not try to figure out or understand why. And that is what drove me to get educated, to find out things and to be certified as a counseling psychologist. And when I became that, one of the first things I thought I needed to do so badly was to give a lot of education on mental health, how important it is. You know how very crucial it is in our lives today, from children through adolescents to adults, to the aged. People go through all kinds of things. Some know, some don't, some have acknowledged, others have not. But you cannot acknowledge something you don't know.
Speaker 2:Right, yes.
Speaker 1:So the education for me is key. I live and breathe for that at this point in my life.
Speaker 2:But then would you say that after you became qualified, you've understood the situation that you were going through. No, I have, I have totally understood that You've worked it all out.
Speaker 1:I have worked it all out. I have worked my emotions playing out because, again, as creatures of habit, I was familiar and used to a certain way of life and that changed. The change was very drastic, and you know how drastic changes can affect you, because this is not my normal. You know, even when, sometimes you know when you lose someone, when you leave a job, when you go to a new school, when you start a new job, all of these changes, it takes a toll on you. Oh yes, because you're familiar with a certain life, a certain type of people, a certain behavior, a certain something, and then it changes and usually, sometimes, the changes come without any announcements or any. You know, heads up. You don't even know. You sleep one night, you wake up in the morning and drastic change and you need time to settle into the change.
Speaker 1:Transition, for me, is one of the things that affect a lot of people's mental health. They don't even know it, so they can't even acknowledge it and do something about it. Again, it's the reason why I'm all for the education, because anytime you transit into something else, you need your mind to accept that this is my new normal and you settle into it. There are people who transition into things and they never settle in it. Somebody, I mean there's someone. There could be someone who would leave one marriage and get into another marriage, physically but mentally.
Speaker 2:Mentally they haven't.
Speaker 1:They haven't. You know what I mean. Mentally, they are still very much in the first marriage. So transition is something that you don't do just physically, you need to do mentally as well. You need to tell your mind, let your mind know that. Hey, mind, this is what we're doing now. You know, Come to terms with it and you need to give your mind time to settle into it, accept it, and that's how you can live a full, normal, healthy life, Because then again, your mind and your body are in sync and it will affect all of your actions moving forward. So yes, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Before you become an adult and you get to understand some of these things and how they all play out, you have already settled into a routine as a human being. Okay, you know the things you love, you know the things you don't love. You know the things that make you happy, the things that don't make you happy. You know the kind of people you want to hang around. You know the time you wake up in the morning, the time you go to bed. You already have settled into a routine as a human being. Already it's there.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess the routine is given to you by your parents or your guardian. Depends, it depends, and then you just walk into it, yes, and then you make it your own right and you make it your own.
Speaker 1:Some people change it. So when we're young, when we are, let me, if I can, give an age range from when you come out of your diaper and you know, you start seeing the world for what it is. You know, this is my mommy, this is my daddy. I can run around the house, I can do this, I can have fun, and all of that All the way till maybe you go to secondary school.
Speaker 1:I mean in Ghana what we call secondary school. All the way till then you usually fall within a routine that your parents will create for you. The time you wake up, in the morning, the time you go to bed, do you brush your teeth before you eat? Do you brush your teeth after you eat in the morning? Do you brush your teeth before going to bed? Do you not brush your teeth before going to bed? Do you do the dishes before going to bed? Do you do the dishes in the morning when you wake up? So this kind of routine we fall into because of what our parents have already defined.
Speaker 1:Exactly. They kind of put us into that routine. Some people stay in that routine, others no. The whole time they were in that routine they couldn't wait to leave it.
Speaker 2:you- know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Because they tell themselves consciously that no, listen, this is not for me. Because there are people who maybe weren't growing up, they are parents for one reason or another maybe not health reasons but could say you don't eat sugar. Okay, you don't eat sugar, we don't eat sugar in this house. But you find that maybe you go to school and one time you taste your friend's snack and there's sugar and you're like, oh my God, this is nice, I can be keeping that. So the whole time you're just biding your time waiting for the moment that you can be fully responsible for yourself, so you can just eat sugar you know, funny, you say that because in this house we don't eat meat.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I don't eat meat, so the family don't Right, now my kids don't Right. But then when they go to school they enjoy the chicken, right, it's okay. So then the little one is always like, yeah, I want some KFC or something, right, but then it's not really in our nature to do that. We still have to give it to them. Yeah, so I'm sure when he breaks free, yes, he's gonna eat all the chicken in the world.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, some people cannot wait to. You know, leave that routine that our parents set for us. Like I can't wait, but some people will actually stay there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And remain there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And they don't eat sugar. And I'm sure you have friends who say things like I don't eat this, I don't eat that, and sometimes you ask them why. That's all, we just didn't eat it when we're growing up. Yep, you hear that a lot Yep.
Speaker 1:Exactly, so they have falling into that routine. We were not given this when we were growing up, so we don't eat it. Yeah, there's no health reason. There's nothing. It's just because my parents never introduced us to it. We never ate it as kids, so I don't eat it. I'm a 50 year old woman. I've never eaten it. I've never eaten it. I don't eat it because growing up, my parents never gave it to me. Do you know what that is? Yeah, do you understand the depths?
Speaker 2:of that, but it should be okay. No, it is okay, it should be okay, right, but this is me just letting you understand.
Speaker 1:It's perfectly okay, right, okay. But my point is that the depths of that is what your mental state has been shaped to accept, not as a person, not as an individual, but by virtue of the family you grew up in.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Jennifer, I'm saying Right, so it's not a decision you made. I'm sure even if you tasted the so-called thing, you would love it, but we were not given that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you've settled into it and it's fine for you. You can be in a group of 100 people eating that and you're not even moved because I don't eat that. Yeah, and your mind has accepted it. That's the training I'm talking about, right, because your mind over the years, has accepted that we don't eat this. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, even as a grown person, when you have your will to eat whatever you want, your mind's training is still very, you know, in its place. Nothing is going to shake that foundation. We just don't eat this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do, but then don't you think sometimes it's a bit more well? Apart from the fact that it could be family related, it could also be cultural, because some people eat frogs, frog legs.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean, oh, there are all kinds of reasons I don't eat it. There are all kinds of reasons. Culturally, some people don't eat certain things, like even in Ghana I know the crowbows. Some crowbows don't eat snails and there are people who don't eat crab. There are so many reasons why people don't eat things and accept it.
Speaker 2:So, for me, what I want to understand from you is that it's absolutely okay.
Speaker 1:It is okay, right, there's nothing wrong with it. I think the fundamental, the bottom line of what we're saying is that you can train your mind to accept literally anything. Yes, it's the reason why some people will say there's no God and they believe in it. They believe in it, they would die on that mountain. You know what I mean. They swear by it because, you see, people don't understand the depths of what your mind can do to you, with you as a person. It's the reason why, again, for me, the conversation of mental health is so important.
Speaker 1:You know how sometimes send things happen, to send individuals, and you'll hear people say, oh, he's been brainwashed. You know what that is. Do you know what it takes for somebody say you, you're over 30 years, so clearly you're set in your ways, the things that you've been doing for the past 30 years. Imagine if somebody met you and in a couple of weeks they can erase all of that and you come back in two weeks and your beliefs have changed and the things that you want, you come to this house and ask for chicken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Do you know what I'm saying? Serious mind games.
Speaker 1:Serious, it's very serious. So your mind has a lot of power. It's up to you, to. You're leading your mind, not the other way around. Okay, you are leading your mind, it comes together, but again, because it's not just psychological. Your emotions come to play and your emotions are not detached from your mind, but they also behave. Sometimes they can decide to be independent and do all kinds of things by themselves.
Speaker 1:There's a reason why sometimes you have, I don't know, a friend, a sister, somebody who will tell you they are in love with some guy, and you look at this guy from top to bottom and question what on God's greeness are you doing with this person? Especially when you know this woman in question. You know the things they believe in, you know the foundation that they have grown up on. You know the things they value. They are values, everything, and it doesn't come together with this guy. They are showing you, Do you understand? Yeah, that is in that case. Their emotions are acting independently away from their minds. They are not in sync. No, no, no, Because if they were in sync, clearly she would know that, based on my values, where I've come from and everything, this is not the guy for me. But sometimes our emotions can act independently. They can decide that oh, forget everybody. Today I'm acting all by myself, and they can still get you to do certain things True.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right Now I want you to take us through this. What is child trauma?
Speaker 1:Okay. So child trauma and it will. First of all, it's about any kind of trauma. Okay, any kind of trauma is a situation that an individual goes through that disturbs them mentally. It stays on their mind.
Speaker 1:So one of the things that I do, because of what I've said to myself that I'm going to do as an individual, and also because I have this foundation that focuses on mental health is I don't like to use a lot of big words and jaguars when I'm explaining things. I want the ordinary man on the street to hear me and understand what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, so I don't like to use a lot of all these big words. That's why my explanation for what mental health was was very simple how you think, how you feel, how you behave. Yeah, it's not something anybody would forget and it's something that you can relate to, because clearly, you think and feel and behave. Yes, so you know what I'm talking about. And in explaining what trauma is, trauma is any situation that any individual goes through that puts a dent. What's a simple way to say a dent? It kind of pokes a hole. It's. You know, for instance, if I took a blade and cut like slits.
Speaker 2:Does it go all the way through or it's just a dent?
Speaker 1:It doesn't go all the way through. A dent. A dent, yes, it puts a dent on their mind, and you know, when you have a dent, well, depends on the thing that has a dent. If it's on your car, you can have them push it right back out, right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but if it is maybe this bookshelf behind you, you can't do anything about it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You just have to throw it out and buy a new one, okay. So any situation that you go through that puts a dent on your mind, so it stays there for a while. If you don't work on it it can be permanent, okay, and that is trauma. Okay, childhood trauma is all the things that children will go through, all the things that will happen to a child that will put a dent on their minds. It can be emotional, it can be physical, it can be sexual, yeah, so many other ways. Okay, it can even be.
Speaker 1:I had, I had trauma growing up as a child and it wasn't even coming from my house. I lost a friend of mine. A friend of mine died when we were in primary school. He got sick and he died. And this is a guy who will go on break and hang out together, you know, in the cafeteria, and be talking all the time and all of that. And that was my first experience of death in my life. And one morning his parents come to the school and tell us that he died, and it took me a long minute to process what exactly that was.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know and for my mind to accept that, okay, this is the situation. This guy has actually died, he's never coming back, but that's also okay. That's okay. You know what I mean? And these are things that were sometimes, when we talk about childhood trauma and also, people are leaning more towards all the physical abuse from step parents and even the sexual abuse and all. But there are so many subtle not so subtle, but so many things that happen, maybe not directly to us, but still affect us.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It may happen to you know the boy who sits next to you in class, but it will affect you and it will stay with you. It's the reason why sometimes, when children go through something or when something happens, I speak to them, and also because maybe I do this now, but when I go home every evening I speak to my children and talk to them about oh, how was school today? What happened? My little girl's best friend they don't even know what that is, but they say her best friend's name. Okay, let me not say it, but she has a best friend, and so every time she comes from school I'm asking her how was school? Did she come to school today? What did you guys do today? How was your teacher today? Did you eat your snacks? I tried to have a conversation to get a sense of how school was for her today, Just so that, based on the response she's giving me her demeanor, whether she's excited on the face or to tell whether it was a good day or not so good day. And some days when I can tell that it was a not so good day, then I probe more and say, oh, but what happened? It was like what happened today. Then she can tell me that. Oh, as soon as I opened my snack today it fell down and my teacher said I couldn't get it off the ground and eat it because then it's contaminated and that and that. Then I know, okay, something was not right. But I always want to find out things from children because sometimes it may not be direct but it may be something that could possibly happen to another child in the school, that can affect your child.
Speaker 1:You know, back then, when I lost my friend in school, I don't think that any of my parents would have even noticed that there was something wrong with me or I was going through something. It was in my mind. But here's what I did I regressed. You know, I'm growing up, I'm a very happy child. I've always been, and I play a lot and I'm running around carefree, you know. But during those moments I became quieter because there's a lot on my mind. I was trying to process the whole situation. I won't play as much and I wasn't learning as much and I wasn't doing so well in school. Now I can think about it and link it, because I know what I know now, but back then I didn't even know what's going on. Yeah, yeah. So trauma, childhood trauma, consists of these things. Okay, it can be physical, emotional, sexual. It can be things that affect them directly or indirectly.
Speaker 2:I had a friend who said that while we were busy studying, one of the teachers used to kiss her.
Speaker 1:On the lip.
Speaker 2:On the lip. Yes, now she said this, I think about 20 years later. But then I was like, wow, how do you feel about that? And she said, well, I didn't know. You know, at the time I didn't know. I wanted to find out more, but obviously it's not my field. I wanted to find out whether she enjoyed it. Like, did she talk to somebody else? What was going on?
Speaker 1:Interesting.
Speaker 2:It's very interesting I really wanted to find out. How can parents lay the carpet for kids to speak more about problems, not just the good times that they have, problems that they face or things that they see? Look, I've seen certain marriages where, to a point, I didn't even want her to get married because there were knives and the pillows yelling all the time, curses, plenty things so you would find that for somebody like you who has seen that you would grow up and you don't, you don't want any noise in your space yeah you don't.
Speaker 1:You don't want that, because the slightest noise or any kind of aggression will take you back to that place and that's the way it always is. And it's a good question you asked me. I think parents need to be more observant because you know hmm, again, I can't blame parents too much because we're the same people running around trying to make things happen. You know we're gonna have to pay your fees and feed you and the extra curriculus and all of that. People are doing two, three jobs in Ghana today just so they can give their children good lives. But what's the point when, in the end, this child that you're running around like a headless chicken for doesn't make it to the end?
Speaker 1:yeah and I don't mean they are physically going to leave this ass, but what if they do that mentally? You know what I mean. So we need to pay attention again. Routine, creatures of habit. You know what your child is like by the time. For anybody who's had children, you know this. By the time your child is about three years, four years, you can tell what they are like. This my child likes. Maybe they are autistic, they like to color or draw, or they like to just watch television, or you would know. You would know what they like or what they tend to do more.
Speaker 1:So you can tell if something changes, if anything affects them, especially mentally, something will change with the routine. It's the first time to look out for why has something changed? Why? What's the change? What's the change about? If they have it, if there's, if they are the kind of child that will run to meet you at the door every time you come home and they don't. They don't do it the one time that you came home. You need to question why. Why, unless they are sleeping, why haven't they come to meet you at the door today? And maybe you just see them sitting down quietly. Maybe they don't like watching television, but you see them watching television more. You know there's always a change, that they're always the signs, but it's because we really don't pay attention yeah and we feel like a lot of these things are normal.
Speaker 1:But no, they are not. The minute something changes with your child, if you're an observant parent, you would know, you can tell. You can tell that something is off. Sometimes there's nothing, sometimes it's just they had a bad day at school. But you should probe, you should find out why. You should always find out why, because sometimes it's nothing, but other times it could be something big.
Speaker 2:But you would never know until you ask questions so how does the trauma appear later in the child's life and how does it look like?
Speaker 1:okay. So you have a lot of adults who usually for anyone who was traumatized as a child, it plays out in their adult relationships and I don't mean just romantic relationships, I mean any kind of relationships and you find that they maybe people pleases. They are overly nice, they want to make sure everybody's okay all the time they are do it. They will take of themselves to give to other people because they are looking for a certain level of acceptance that they never got growing up or whatever situation that traumatized them took away from them. So they become people please us. They walk the face of this earth just looking to please okay, or they coil in and become very unfriendly, very difficult to get through to right you know, there are some people who are just so difficult to get through to like you can't.
Speaker 1:You just cannot get through to them and sometimes you wonder but what is wrong with you? You know, and most of the time some of them have not even linked it to whatever it is that happened to them when they were children. Okay, I think these are very basic examples for for an adult, some people, to become very reckless. You know, they live very reckless lives. They really couldn't be bothered. They are doing all the reckless things just if it's a man, for instance, he decides that of me, I'm just going to womanize them. I have unprotected sex all the time. Do they're living on the edge, just reckless living. It can play out that way as well, again, depending on what the trauma was when they were growing up but then that sounds like that's all the ways that things play out.
Speaker 2:People are either careful or carefree yes, right, yes and then what you're saying is either way could be because of a certain trauma that a person has been in. Yes, yes, if that's the case, then we're all traumatized.
Speaker 1:You see, there's always a threshold, there's always a level that we all, every human being, at some point is careless in their lives and at some point is also careful or too careful in their lives it it's.
Speaker 1:It's it's a way of life, but there's a level that you cross that makes it not normal. Do you understand if there's a certain person that you know or have been with that has been careless all their lives, all their adult lives? You know what I mean all the adult lives they have been careless. That's a problem. It's not. It's. It's not normal. You cannot be an adult, have responsibility, maybe have a family, and be careless all your adult life. It doesn't sound normal to you no, it doesn't.
Speaker 2:But then can't that be the person's? Maybe that's that's who they are.
Speaker 1:No, there's an underlying there's always underlining it cannot be who they are. It cannot be who they are, because I mean, it could be who they are, it could be, but again, there's always a threshold. Carelessness has comes in different levels.
Speaker 2:You know, I know people who are very careless again with everything again it comes in different levels.
Speaker 1:Okay, even an extremely careless person when they are having a baby again, it depends on the sex. When they are having a baby, or when they have a baby, a child, for the first couple of months, they are not so careless okay, okay you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:They, they know, they know where to draw the line. Even as a careless person, they know where to draw the line. But in a case where they don't know where to draw the line and they are still being careless, even when it comes to very important milestones, that's a problem, that's a. That is a problem, you know, because everybody, every now and every now and again, you, you, will slip a little to the side and then slip right back to the side. It's just a way of life. We all do it right. But when it goes beyond a certain level, then it's a problem and it's a big problem.
Speaker 1:And then, when it comes to romantic relationships, it plays out in romantic relationships a lot, because then, for a woman, if they had any kind of trauma, what it depends on the kind of trauma, if it was physical trauma, where they were beaten all the time as a child, they are always very they're always either very careful with you, them, their man, as in want to do, they want to get everything right, because in their minds, if they don't, I will, there will be some sort of punishment for that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so their minds. It would take us back to what I mentioned about training your mind. Their minds have accepted that if I do wrong, there's always a punishment for that. So they go through their life thinking that I need to get everything right. So they become some sort of perfectionists, sort of because they need to get everything right, because if I don't, there'll be some sort of punishment for that or they rebel and they do everything wrong. So you're with this person, you do everything for them and you're trying to get the best out of them, but you never get it. Because they are just rebellious. They're just I really don't care, whatever I do, I'll get punished anyway. So I really couldn't be bothered, do you understand? Yeah, and that plays out a lot in a lot of romantic relationships.
Speaker 2:There's so much I wanted to open up. There's a lot I wanted to say, but I think we'll need another episode.
Speaker 1:We definitely do.
Speaker 2:But anytime you know the conversation is about mental health, it takes out a lot of my energy.
Speaker 1:It does.
Speaker 2:Yes, because it's a worldwide issue.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:And anytime you speak to someone on the phone, they are going through something you know yeah. So it's very dear to my heart.
Speaker 1:But going through something, it doesn't mean that your mental state has been affected. We all go through things, you know. It's not so much what you go through, it's how you deal with the situation. And once you know that this is what I'm going through, then there's nothing wrong. If you can identify, I mean, sometimes some people will cry and be moody and because they are going through something, maybe they lost a job, maybe they lost a parent, maybe they are unwell, they got a diagnosis that's not sitting well with them. So you know why you're feeling that way. There's a reason why I'm sad because I lost my job. Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2:But the problem is, I'm sad because Some people. That's how it starts.
Speaker 1:Yes, some people, that's how it starts, but let me stress on this you see, once there's a reason why you're feeling the way you're feeling, it's not so alarming, okay. Once there's a reason, I lost my job, I lost a parent. The only time it becomes a problem is when you stay in that state for too long, because naturally naturally, when you go through something, you react to it. Hmm, once a parent, you lose your mind. I lost my dad during COVID in 2020. And, yeah, that was tough, but I didn't stay in that place for too long. I did all the things I had to do in that moment. Think about it. I did it, but I moved out of that state because in that moment, I know, I lost my dad, I lost my mind in that moment, you know.
Speaker 2:Lost my dad.
Speaker 1:Yes, In that moment. But I knew that I was losing my mind because I lost my dad. But it was for that moment. And then it got better.
Speaker 2:I accepted.
Speaker 1:I went through the stages of grief, accepted this is it. Okay, I moved on. The minute you stay in that space for too long, then it becomes a problem. You lost a job. Oh my goodness, what am I going to do for the next couple of weeks? It's going to be tough, this and that, but you know you need to find a new job. No, so you set out to try to find a new job. That's not to say it will be easy. You may get a lot of rejections and stay home for the next two or three years, but you don't stay in that space because you lost a job. If you're not getting somebody to hire you, you think about ways that you can employ yourself and make some money, because at the end of the day, you will have bills to pay. If you have kids, you need to take care of them. Life is still happening. Yes, you need to find a way to move out of that zone and make things happen.
Speaker 1:The minute you stay in that space for too long it's never the reason the duration then becomes a problem, okay, okay. But once you know there's a reason why I'm doing this I don't know, I woke up this morning and I had a headache, or my boss called me and sent me I don't know some funny email about something that's not going well. I am anticipating that these people want to fire me any minute. Now, you know it takes a toll on you that whole day. You're not exactly yourself, okay, and now anxiety sets in. So in the next couple of weeks, even as you're working, you're anxious, but it's normal because you're anticipating a sack. Okay. But once that period, you know, pans out, you're back to your normal self again.
Speaker 1:If you're staying in that space for longer than you should be, then it becomes a problem, right, okay. So always, anytime you're feeling anything different again, creatures of habits. You know yourself, you know what you do. You know the time you go to bed. You know the time you wake up. You know. You know on a good night I'm supposed to have a full night's rest. The minute anything starts interfering that you find that you're waking up at 1 am. Now you can't sleep again. What's wrong? You can't identify why. Nothing has happened. You haven't lost a job, you haven't lost a family member, you haven't lost anything. Everything is intact in your life. But I can't sleep. I'm waking up at midnight or 1 am and I can't sleep again till 6 am, and then now, when I get to work, I'm dozing off. There's something wrong.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's where you, that's where the difference is. I give tapas in medicine. You talk to them. Yes, then you know there's something wrong.
Speaker 1:Once anything affects your routine and you can't tell why, there's no reason, you can't point out any exact reason why then there's a change in this routine, then there is something wrong because you know things play out mentally by affecting our routines. That's how things play out mentally. Physically, when something is wrong with you, then you start feeling a pain in some part of your body. Yes, you see certain signs and you know. But mentally things play out by affecting our routines. That's how things play out mentally. It will just start affecting your routine. You can't sleep anymore, you start eating, more or less, and it's drastic, and let me stress that it's drastic. That's how you know there's something wrong. If there's a change in appetite and you're still eating, but maybe you're not eating so much, it's normal. But if it's drastic, okay, you find that sometimes in the whole day you're not even hungry the entire day. And even when now you have to remind yourself to eat, when you remind yourself to eat, you don't even know what you're going to eat. Nothing. You don't fancy anything. You don't fancy anything. Even your favorite food you don't fancy, and it's for an extended period. That's how things play out mentally.
Speaker 1:Okay, a lack of sleep, a change, a drastic change in your sleep pattern. You find that you can't sleep as much anymore. You're eating so much more than you normally would, or so much less. So it's always drastic and it happens, and there's no reason why. You haven't lost a family member, you haven't lost a job, nothing has happened. Your life is just the way it is. But then there's this drastic change. That's how, mentally, things play out. Usually it means that there's a root cause of something you haven't dealt with. Swept under the rug. Swept under the rug, swept under the rug and it's playing out.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Look, guys, if you are not part of our family, please subscribe and become part of the family. Give this, because there's somebody out there that needs to hear it, and stay connected.