EP 147| The Power of Positivity: How to Be a More Positive & Supportive Friend

In today’s episode, host Lisa Tarkington is joined by Tara Williams and Jessica Robinson to talk all about empowerment and the importance of women supporting women! Join in this inspiring episode where Lisa, Tara, and Jessica tell stories of their friendship and how they have supported each other over the years. Tune into this empowering episode to learn the importance of uplifting others - particularly women -  and how you can be a supportive friend to be a ripple effect of positive change to those around you!

Chapters:

• 00:00 - Intro & Meet Guests Tara and Jessica

• 3:36 - Introducing Guests Tara & Jessica

• 07:08 - Lisa, Tara, & Jessica’s Friendship Over the Years

• 21:00 - How to Navigate Unsupportive Friendships

• 35:00 - Outro & Key Takeaways 

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Our Guest, Tara Williams’ Information to Connect:

• Instagram

• Connect on Linkedin

Our Guest, Jessica Robinson’s Information to Connect:

• Instagram

• Connect on Linkedin

Transcript

Tara Williams: 0:00

you have supportive groups in different areas and I have a 13 year old daughter, so this really hits home supporting each other and supporting women, supporting women and I explained to her. You have people in different buckets and some are the buckets for this way from you and you put them there intentionally, but then you have buckets of who support you and when you really look at that, how does it make you feel, how do you reflect on it and in the end, you can take action from that.

Lisa Tarkington: 0:35

Welcome to the Confident podcast. I am Lisa Tarkington, your host of this podcast. If you found yourself hitting play on this podcast, it means it was meant for you. My goal is to help, empower and guide you to become a better version of yourself through conversation, advice and tips that are real, vulnerable and authentic. I am excited to have you join this journey with me. I just wanna say thank you so much to everybody that has continued to give us feedback on tips that they've taken away, how they've utilized them into your life, and if you want to continue to share those with us, please do. We'd love to hear them.

Lisa Tarkington: 1:30

So today's topic is going to be really near and dear to my heart. It's all about cheering each other on having a positive change or a positive ripple effect onto each other by supporting one another, and really this is about women supporting women and really everything that we go through together, and why is it important for us to support one another. So, again, it's really important to me because throughout my whole career, I've had lots of women who have lifted me up. I've had a lot of women that have brought me down, and one in particular moment in my career has really been a big, big part of me continuously pushing forward with my nonprofit, which was a bad feedback that I received and we'll dive into that a little bit later today but it's really helped me notice how I need to give feedback to people, how do I need to support people for them to be successful, and so it's just important for us to continue to be there for one another and show up and care for one another. And so today I thought it would be fun to bring on two women onto the podcast who have been there for me all the way in the beginning of my 20s until now, and so I'm gonna share a little bit of our back story history I'm sure they'll have some commentary to it as well and then I'm gonna have them introduce themselves. So Jessica and Tara are going to introduce themselves here in a second.

Lisa Tarkington: 2:54

But these two women I met. So after graduate from college I took a job in Incorporate America and they moved me to Houston, texas, after I got back. I was looking for friends. I had met Jessica first while working in the digital department for a little bit before I had moved. We came back.

Lisa Tarkington: 3:14

I was trying to rekindle and kind of get to be with people again and she knew I was a runner and so she brought up that her and her friend Tara were going to be running 10 miles one Saturday morning and I was like, well, I'll join. And that was the beginning of a very long, amazing friendship. And we'll get into that a little bit more of that in a second. But what I wanna say about that was I don't think that they both of them know how important that day was for me. That was a day of my life where actually I woke up very emotional. I was in a really bad place in my life. I was not in a good space with self-love and self-respect and it felt good to just be around two women who wanted to hang out with me. Tara kind of was forced to hang out with me, but Jessica was kind of the starter of it.

Lisa Tarkington: 4:06

But from there over the years of 20s, we've grown together. We've gone on trips together, a lot of running trips together. Our families have all met. I've watched then become Be Great Moms. They both were there to watch me get married and in between all of that, all the highs and lows of life and one of the main things that we've done these last couple of years because we can't run as much together is we have a Snapchat together and it's funny because I always think it's the young kids that have the Snapchat.

Lisa Tarkington: 4:36

But I will say it's kind of a sanity piece for us to continue to support each other, show up for each other and keep each other accountable and also a no judgment zone, and we can give a lot of feedback to each other, either it's personal or professional. So that's kind of my intro into them and they're amazing, like who they've been for me in my life. And so with that, jessica and Tara, I'd love for you guys to introduce yourselves to the audience. So, first off, welcome to the Confident Podcast, the number one podcast in my heart. And so, tara, why don't you start first sharing a little bit about yourself with our audience?

Tara Williams: 5:10

Yeah, so I'm Tara Williams. I am a marketer by profession, but I'm also a mom and a wife and a friend, and I still consider myself a runner, even though I haven't ran in years. But mentioning the Snapchat group who runs the world, I think, is what we called it, so that is also a saving grace for me. But I'm happy to be here and can't wait for our convo.

Jessica Robinson: 5:34

Yeah what about you, jess? I am Jessica Robinson. I am in digital product. I've had roles in marketing public affairs, I'm working with Lisa at industrial companies and now at CBS Health. I am mom of two and a runner still.

Lisa Tarkington: 5:54

Yes, I love that we all say we're still runners and so kind of like the beginning of like all of us meeting and kind of the ups and flows of support. What have you guys noticed like from having, I would say like from our group, like us three like supporting each other? What kind of has like been some notable moments so far for you since we started becoming close in our early 20s I'm gonna say early 20s because I know we're all different ages- so I would say from the first time, you ran with us, so I will I'll mention that 10 mile run.

Tara Williams: 6:26

We were preparing for our first half marathon. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. We had couched to 5K and Lisa ran circles literally around us, so that was a motivating factor for me. But one thing is I mean that was the start of it, but even to this day, as we sit here, I still appreciate that both of you consider me a runner, even though I haven't ran in what couple years due to a fee issues and whatnot. But that's one thing that I think about is no matter where we go, where we are, we're runners at heart and that's just like our core of where we all began yeah, love that.

Lisa Tarkington: 7:08

What about you, Jess?

Jessica Robinson: 7:08

What are the things that happens when you're running? Is that you have to get through it Like it's?

Lisa Tarkington: 7:15

kind of brutal.

Jessica Robinson: 7:17

Um 10 miles is brutal. I can't imagine doing that anymore.

Jessica Robinson: 7:22

But even some of these three miles can be really hard. So what I think we did that first day and did for miles and miles, hundreds, literally hundreds of miles later was we had tough conversations with one another, whether it was about that run and how we get through that or about what's going on in our life. Like that was therapy. We talked all 10 miles, by the way, and every mile after that, um. So I think like that was sort of the unique bond that that we created. You, you have to get through that together. Um, you have nowhere else to go. So the good, bad and the ugly kind of presented itself. Um, so, whether or not we're running, I think that that's kind of the thread that has been constant through how we communicate with one another and show up in that same way, um, regardless of if we're running or not.

Lisa Tarkington: 8:16

Yeah, and I think what was kind of beautiful in all of this? Well, at first I have to share this the first time I ran with you guys I don't think you guys know this, but I've never talked while running and I remember being like we're talking the whole time, but it made me such a better runner and then it made me be like, okay, I'm going to run with them, but I also we call it like our therapy.

Lisa Tarkington: 8:36

Yeah, that's right. Like, okay, we're going to go do this. And it was really cool so, backstreet. We all worked for the same company for a few years together and that was really nice during lunch to have that accountability.

Lisa Tarkington: 8:45

There are moments now where I still miss that right, like, I missed that break of like, okay, I'm going to go and we're not going to talk about work or if we are someone's helping me solve this problem in a, like a different viewpoint, right, um, and the other cool thing about this, I think, is, again, we met all at work, but sometimes we don't always talk about, like, how beautiful relationships from work can be and like we live in a virtual world now where a lot of us are working from home, um, and so it's kind of harder to connect with your coworkers as much, and so you know, when you think back in the day, it was actually a really good appreciation that Jessica and I had to sit next to each other in the workplace.

Lisa Tarkington: 9:22

That's how we I got to meet you, and then we, um, we all just kind of like evolved in that sense too. So that's, that's really cool. So when we think about like women supporting women, do either of you guys like remember when that became like a really big deal when you were working in the workplace?

Jessica Robinson: 9:40

For me, it honestly only became vitally important in the last couple of years. So I think, for for my twenties and like early in my career, it was surprising to me I didn't understand why you needed some of these like women oriented conversations. I was raised. We're all equal. You can be the president if you want to be. Yes, we know that that's not completely true. Yeah, um, now that you see what unconscious bias and everything else looks like, um, there's a lot more to uncover there. Um, but it became, it became clear to me when I needed it most, like after having kids, was my, my personal experience that, um, what spending how you spend your time with the people that are really going to give back to you and support you in the way that you need it. I didn't really need that until probably the last three, four or five years. Yeah, what about you, tara?

Tara Williams: 10:43

Yeah, and thinking through that. So there's, you have supportive groups in different areas and I, um, I have a 13 year old daughter, so this really, you know, hits home supporting each other and supporting women, supporting women and I explained to her you have people in different buckets and some are the buckets for this way from you and you you put them there, um, intentionally, but then you have buckets of who support you and you know, when you really look at that, how does it make you feel, um, how do you reflect on it and and in the end, you know you can take action from that. So I think about the different support groups I've had over the years in corporate world and now in the role that I'm in now, and, um, you, you take on I don't know, it's just, it just feels different when you have a woman supporting you, because they also understand the hurdles, um, you know to your point. So they understand where you're coming from and there is unconscious bias and it. I've gone through that training and it's really interesting to go through that and experience what we have and what biases we have, Um, but then being on that other side.

Tara Williams: 11:56

So I think, just having someone understand where you're coming from and then just being your cheerleader, whether it is um a run or an interview, or just like what outfit should I wear? I remember I sent you to a snap a while back. It's like what boots do I wear? And you're like they both look great, but you know those would look better. So it's just, that is just something just so small, yeah, but to the person it means so much.

Lisa Tarkington: 12:22

Exactly. Well, and, as you guys were talking about that, I just kept thinking about like it's needed in different times in our lives. Right, and we'll get into the evolution a little bit more, but, like, when it first started, it was more of um, like backstory, of like, when this women supporting women thing kind of came out to society, was that we wanted more of those equal equality right, we wanted those things, we wanted women, and I'm picturing now of like you're on a ladder and you're pulling each other up, right, like that's what we wanted, and I think the movement has just um, has a lot new arms and legs to it. But I think now the biggest thing that I've taken away from it is like you have to make it your own of like, what does that mean for me and what does that look like at different times? Because you're right, just like when I was younger, I didn't. I had a mentor that was a woman, um, but I didn't know what I needed her for, right, because I didn't know who I was right.

Lisa Tarkington: 13:15

And I think that as you get older, you start to like figure out, like, oh, what? Like to your point, I need the buckets, like, okay, these are the girls for this and these are the girls for that or these are the men for that right, and like here's all of the different buckets for it. So, um, love that very much, and so I'm going to like segue us for a second to think about. Like, so we've had some pretty monument moments where we've had to support each other, right Like um, from a professional standpoint, like I've changed my whole career, you both have changed different um companies. Um, jessica, you became a mom in the last couple of years. Tara, like you got grown kids now which is insane because they were like babies when we met.

Lisa Tarkington: 13:54

And I got married right Like all different like uh moments, but I think when we chat the most about like the moments, we always think back to like all the different things. So I'm going to have, like, I'm going to put a photo up on the screen for us and this is the first photo we ever took together. So, uh, for those listening in, it's a photo of us um running um in Philly. We ran on Broadway Street. Right, it was Broadway Street, broad Street.

Tara Williams: 14:24

It was just one road, it was a 10 mile run and we had a blast.

Lisa Tarkington: 14:32

I would say there was a lot of hills, but I remember like we definitely partied hard a couple of nights before. But like when you guys look at this photo, like what makes you resonate with it the most?

Tara Williams: 14:46

I think about just that morning. That morning so we had. When we booked our hotel we thought, oh, let's get a hotel close to the finish line because that's a long run and we're just gonna wanna crawl back to the hotel.

Tara Williams: 15:02

We're gonna be tired Not knowing that the race was like a one way down a road, so we had to take do you recall we had to take the subway or a train and it was just awful it was cold and it was packed and we're just like, what are we doing? And there was, I think, a McDonald's we had to maneuver through. I can't remember, but I just think about just getting to that race. That morning kind of represented just our race in life. I mean, you have challenges that you think you're prepared for and you're okay.

Tara Williams: 15:36

I know the end, where I wanna be but, I can't expect or I can't anticipate how it's gonna be to get there. So that's what I think about. And then I just think about all the laughs and the fun and I don't know. This is a good picture. This was the first one.

Lisa Tarkington: 15:54

This was 2014,. Yeah, so I was 24 at this time, which is insane to think about.

Jessica Robinson: 16:00

I think it was our first travel race like a four-carat take-up race. Cause we've done a couple of different like. Flakes, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, since then, but I think it was our first time traveling for a run. I definitely think it was our longest distance to that point.

Jessica Robinson: 16:20

maybe we've done a half before but it was within that earlier time where we were really starting to go longer distances. I specifically remember it being chaotic at the start line. I remember seeing what looked like security snipers on buildings and airplanes, a lot of safety, security. That struck me for the first time. That was probably the town that at the first time doing such a big race, like a big town like that for me. But as I think about how we traveled and maybe that race or that trip set the stage, we ebb and flow through how, like it's everybody's race, it's everybody's trip and we go in with, like I think, great intentions and expectations, but going with the flow, with whatever needs to be done, and we had to do that. Yet like to be able to get through that race, get to the finish line, figure out how to get home, figure out how we're even getting there and the types of things that we did, you know, within that weekend for fun. I mean we traveled really well together and the crew and really did well with the race.

Jessica Robinson: 17:38

You know, as we had to kind of manage everybody's outcome, like what we didn't know to expect for and what we just life presented to us, and how we navigated through that.

Lisa Tarkington: 17:50

Yeah, and one of the things too is like we talked a lot about in the beginning. Like I said, like you guys are a no judgment free zone, I remember being like, oh my gosh, do we have to run to? Like I had goals right and so I didn't feel guilty for just running right, and that's I think. The cool thing too is we just knew like you're gonna do you right.

Jessica Robinson: 18:09

Yeah, you would always run ahead and go faster. Tara and I would always stick together, and then in our training runs it is always whoever's training for the thing, so sometimes we would be training for the same race. But no expectations, no judgment.

Lisa Tarkington: 18:22

You gotta do you, and we're here for that and whatever that looks like, it's always kind of been the spirit and we worked really well, which I appreciate, because I never had to like, none of us ever had to feel like, oh, I'm the one slowing us down or oh, if I wanna take a break, like you can go ahead, you can come back or you can walk too right, and I think too, in the seasons of life, like your little one has joined us, I know, like Taylor's no longer little but like you know back in the day, like we just like you up and flow, like I brought my dogs, like all of that kind of stuff.

Lisa Tarkington: 18:54

So I'm gonna show you guys. We have two more photos. The next one is my first marathon. This was two years later, which is crazy. It was 2016 and Tara actually ran one. I think it was the year prior or maybe Year F. You ran it first as I injured myself. This was 16.

Jessica Robinson: 19:15

Okay, I might have my dates on that one, and this is DC. You've done a couple of rock and roll halves, yes, but this is DC.

Lisa Tarkington: 19:20

Yeah, this is DC, this is my first marathon and I think, like what I think stands out the most for me is so the night before we were at I think it might have been like Whole Foods or something, and you guys snuck buying a bottle of champagne. I was oblivious.

Tara Williams: 19:38

I don't know if you guys remember this. No memory you guys bought. It's just so natural. You guys bought like me.

Lisa Tarkington: 19:43

You bought me one.

Lisa Tarkington: 19:45

Oh yeah, afterwards we could celebrate and we put our initials on it and like that is so. On the cork yeah, on the cork. And I like remember this because I was thought it like so sweet, right, and I love champagne, but like it was one of those things where it had nothing to do with running, but like it was about an accomplishment, right, and we celebrated together. You guys trained with me. I remember like getting done and just like I remember getting over that hill after a marathon, just like being super emotional about it and like then I got to celebrate with you guys. Like I was sore the next whole next day. I remember walking sideways down like stairs and stuff, but at the same time it was fun to travel with you guys and do things like that.

Tara Williams: 20:24

So I mean did you walk down the stairs sideways from the race? We had a lot of fun.

Lisa Tarkington: 20:31

Great question.

Jessica Robinson: 20:32

I know that's a great question. That was a fun trip.

Lisa Tarkington: 20:36

That was great, and so I want to show one other photo, and this is the most recent photo. This was 2023, end of 2023. This is me getting married, and so the girls are up on the balcony and I'm walking down with my now husband and you guys were just cheering, and I remember this from the wedding, but getting the photo was just like so fun.

Jessica Robinson: 21:00

I'm proud we were like very high yeah.

Lisa Tarkington: 21:04

It was really great, and so I just wanted to share those three photos because I think that we have a lot of significant moments together. Your husbands have been a part of my life. I probably have gone to your husbands for advice. I'm thanks too. We've just all done all the things together, and so it's like when we think about the workplace that's important to support people, but how that's kind of folded into our personal lives. We don't all work together anymore. But I've also asked marketing questions to both of you guys. I've asked the questions to help me on. So it's like when I think about women supporting women and just people supporting each other in general, it's just helping each other in the moments of time when you need it the most.

Lisa Tarkington: 21:43

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Lisa Tarkington: 23:09

As a host of this podcast, I wear many other hats, including an ACC coach, which stands for Associate Certified Coach, through the International Coaching Federation. I have gone through extensive learning and have been coaching individuals for years. I have had a front row seat at watching people transform, grow in their careers, take control of their careers and become intentional, gain confidence and more. I believe in the transformative power of self-discovery and personal and professional growth. If you are ready to grow either in your personal or professional life, break through limiting beliefs and step into a life of confidence, I would love to support you.

Lisa Tarkington: 23:47

As a certified coach through ICF, I have the knowledge and expertise to coach you and help guide you on your journey. To work directly with me, visit leesatarkingtoncom slash coaching Again that is, lisatarkington. com slash coaching to sign up for your free consultation. I can not wait to help you become a better version of yourself. Okay, so we're going to dive into like the good, the bad, the ugly. So you know we talked a lot about the good with supporting women, but like we all had really crappy moments, right, and so have you ever had a crappy moment where it's kind of just sticks into your head that this is like I wasn't supported, how that made you feel and like what did you do to kind of get out of that space?

Jessica Robinson: 24:34

Specifically by a woman, or just any.

Lisa Tarkington: 24:37

Yeah, whatever.

Jessica Robinson: 24:37

Whatever comes to mind, I would say, I do think it stings more when it is when you feel that another woman is not acknowledging or is maybe is not like not supporting you but actually actively putting you down. Yes, and I have like a couple of like general moments. They were not truly impactful to outcomes in my life. I mean their comments, their feedback, what they said that made me feel that way had literally no, it didn't influence anything in whatever happened to me. But what I think is what they were doing was like trying to find their level up by stepping on, like what you do know, what you have done, what you don't know, and trying to put somebody down. That will give them a leg up and it's just not necessary. But I think that some people don't really know how to do it any other way.

Lisa Tarkington: 25:47

Yeah, yeah, valid, valid right. They had to go through the crap so they think everybody else seems to kind of do the same thing. Yeah, yeah.

Tara Williams: 25:54

Yeah, and that's that's interesting. When you're talking about that, in my head I'm thinking oh yeah, I had situations like this. Or or even when you take a step back and you look at someone who has maybe stepped on you to get a step ahead, and then you, naturally, because you're a strong woman, you're a strong woman. When you then get to where you are and you look back at the person that maybe did that to you in the end you almost think what? Maybe they don't have the strength to do that and they don't know any other way than to behave that way. And so then you could go two ways. Right, you could say, oh, I can put my hand back down and pull you up with me. That's what we do, right, but it when women specifically do that, it just I think it stings a little bit differently because you know, this is like a common saying, but you're not in competition with others, you're in competition with yourself.

Tara Williams: 26:55

I mean look, even when you look in the mirror, and so I just would hope that others adopt that a little more, and just if you can just lead by example there. But you know, then I think of situations specifically, if I think about when a male has done that, it it feels different, but it's also like I worked so hard to do that and you just easily took it from me. So I think it just either way it's not fun, but the way it makes you feel is is awful. But then I think that when you come through it on the other side is when you look back and you're like, okay, it's because I had the expertise or I had that skill and you know I can move forward from this.

Jessica Robinson: 27:40

Yeah, it almost, almost makes me fight harder. Yeah, like I don't want to have to go through those things.

Lisa Tarkington: 27:46

So it'd be great.

Jessica Robinson: 27:47

But I'm sort of I know we can't swear, but like F you can I get that close.

Tara Williams: 27:54

Yeah, you can say that Okay.

Jessica Robinson: 27:56

Because, because it sort of makes me want to say, oh, you think that you're, like, you're going to try to put me down or, like, make it kind of chop me at the knees, whatever, like, whatever, that is yeah, but I'm better than that and I'll show you. Yeah, yeah Is what it ends up. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Tara Williams: 28:18

And then you open up our Snapchat and you're like oh my gosh, that's what happened. And then we rally yes, yes, yeah, because that is true, that's how now it.

Jessica Robinson: 28:27

How it starts is this is this crazy thing. I'm navigating this and how do we get? How do we get through that? Yes, yeah, exactly, Exactly.

Lisa Tarkington: 28:37

Well, and it's been fun. Like I think one thing that like I've learned a lot from our like chats and stuff is, like you guys will come like we'll talk about things and I'm a leader of people, and so when, when you guys are talking about like situations with different leaders, it's actually helpful to be like, oh, do I come off that way, like, oh, maybe I should, and you don't realize it until you hear other stories and you're like, wow, I need to. I want people to feel safe with me. I need to create that environment. I thought I was, but maybe I wasn't. And I and I say this a lot to a lot of people Like I was not always supportive of people. I thought I was, but I don't. I think I had my own insecurities, right, and it's like I didn't ever mean to make people feel a certain way, but I probably did right. I feel that same way.

Jessica Robinson: 29:21

You know, and I.

Lisa Tarkington: 29:22

I have to be honest with myself about that a lot, cause it's like now I know what I need, now I know where I messed up, but I was not in a I wasn't always confident. Right, I'm still. There are certain areas where I'm not confident or I don't know how to handle situations. But it's about, like that, growth and asking, having women like to support and things like that. I'll share one of the things that really fueled me in your way, kind of Jessica. What you said is I remember sitting in a room with a woman leader who I admired beyond belief, loved her work, ethic, loved everything about her.

Lisa Tarkington: 29:56

Still love her to this day. But one of the things that I know I know she didn't mean it this way, but she said my nonprofit was a blog years ago and she said do you ever think that that's actually going to do anything good? And my face was like, well, yeah, it already has. And so it's been really cool to showcase what self love, beauty, has been able to do for other people. But I think back to that moment, a lot of I kind of had that. I'll show you, but now I think I'm in the mood of it. Your opinion is one of a million, the people that support me. I care about theirs more, which is really hard, right, guys? Like it's hard. That's easy to think that those five people that are always negative, like they matter more sometimes in our brains.

Jessica Robinson: 30:40

Used a word safety and that was something I had been thinking about, because what we've created is a safe space.

Jessica Robinson: 30:46

I think what is important when you are supporting someone or if you are going to a place where you need support, it is creating environment safety. So even that feedback maybe was not delivered in a way that it feels supportive, it was still safe enough to be able to provide that and that allowed you to grow or that gave you some fuel. I think that the as far as the good, the bad, the ugly, the ugly stuff is when it is not a safe place and I think that's the environment where support is like really needs to thrive is creating an environment of safety.

Lisa Tarkington: 31:29

I love that You're right. I love that you're able to be able to say what you need to say and challenge each other. And, jessica, you made me think of something along, another leader who I still admire to this day, still stay in contact with. I remember a project I worked months on. I will never forget this. I worked so hard on this and she never gave feedback on, like what needed to change. And a week before the event she wanted it all changed and I remember banging my head on the table. I'll never forget this. I was at home, working from home, just being like come on, lady, I had to unmute all the things and I remember her showing up to the event and she looked at me we had never met in person and she goes you don't like me that much, do you?

Lisa Tarkington: 32:08

And I was like I don't appreciate how that was handled and we got to have like a very ballsy of her to do but at the same time, like we had a candid conversation and what she said to me, which I think a lot about, is it could have been handled differently. But she said I knew you could have done better than what you gave me. And I guess what? In a week I gave my best than what I had done in the last two months and I will. I remember that so much because she did it, because she saw that I could do more. And so when I challenged my team now I now tell them why I'm challenged Because I wish she would have said, like Lisa, you, I know there's more in you, right, I would like, obviously, that the handling, the situation would be different.

Lisa Tarkington: 32:54

But now I handle the situations differently. Now we don't always have that experience, right. We have some people that give us that feedback a week before and you're like there was no reason for that, right, and how that makes us feel. And so when you guys think about being in the workplace and like you've evolved right, like we've kind of said that in the beginning of, like what you needed in your 20s is different than what you need now. And so take us back to your 20s maybe your early 20s, late 20s and we're all in our 30s now, like what do you need? What did you need over the years that could help someone listening today, to really help them Ask the questions that they need to, or show up as a leader, pick however you want to answer that question.

Jessica Robinson: 33:34

I think what I need is different from different relationships. I think that's something we acknowledge. But since we are here today, I think about hours the most, and I think what is really important, what I find to be most valuable now, is the safe space to be vulnerable I don't get this. Why is this thing happening, or whatever. Be vulnerable and then the permission I guess, sort of to be.

Jessica Robinson: 34:08

I think what I value a lot from both of you is OK, go be sad, but give yourself one day and then you're going to have to figure it out and that kind of like get over the hump. Feedback, however that transpires, is different all the time depending on the situation, but it always happens and most of the most valuable support systems that I have have some way of doing that in some way, shape or form. Like that honest sort of I get you and have that space, but here's how you're going to get through it, and some sort of like valuable, relatable, intelligent advice that gets you there. I think is what I need now that I truly just don't know what I needed in my 20s. I just haven't fun, I don't know.

Lisa Tarkington: 34:57

I knew I wanted to be an adult one day, right, but I'll get there, yeah, yeah.

Jessica Robinson: 35:01

I just can't reflect on what that really was, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about what it is now that I need, and that's really it. That's awesome.

Tara Williams: 35:12

And I think it depends on professional, personal, I think back in my 20s, so I had kids young. So it was different Graduated young, had kids young, and now they're grown and now I feel like I'm alone all the time.

Tara Williams: 35:30

I was like oh, it's time to do everything. But what I think is where I'm at. So I didn't allow myself to be comfortable, maybe when I was younger. And what keeps replaying in my mind is just the other day we had this snowstorm in Michigan and I had on the new style wide leg pants and I put on my husband's big old snow boots too big for me and I mean I look good, right. My daughter says you aren't going out there like that. And I look back at her and I said who do I have to impress? I'm warm, I'm comfortable and I'm going to go shovel the snow.

Tara Williams: 36:16

And that just keeps replaying in my mind because maybe 15 years ago which makes me feel really old I probably would have put on the cute snow boots and the cute boots, and I would have just because of where I'm at with myself. And so I think about what I needed then versus what I needed now, and I think now it's I need people who meet me where I'm at, so exactly what you were saying. So I recall there was a recent message where I was like I'm not having a good day, or I feeling like I'm not doing well, and you're like OK, have that grace and here's, and then what are we going to do to move on? So I think for me it's like I need people to meet me. Where I'm at now and before it was, I was always striving to be something or someone that I thought others wanted me to be, so you're still building into who you are going to be.

Tara Williams: 37:14

It's totally.

Jessica Robinson: 37:15

That's kind of what we are in our toys is trying on these different things to figure out who we are, yep. So yeah, that was part of it. Now we know who we are, sort of.

Lisa Tarkington: 37:24

And the whole time you guys were talking. I literally have to share this. Yesterday, Literally, I've never laughed so hard at a snap from Jessica. So, Jessica had like kind of like her crap together, right, she's like I got this like prior dancing throughout the day and then something went wrong. Right, Like you didn't plan for something, but you made me laugh so hard when you're like, and my story of today is don't be ambitious.

Lisa Tarkington: 37:47

Like just don't be ambitious and I like started laughing because I knew that that wasn't true. It was just one of those things where you were just like kidding. But, like you know, things will go wrong even when you're ambitious, even when you're growing, even when you're supporting. So I had to throw that in there, cause, as you're talking, I just I laugh about that because we knew that, like in that moment, you had worked all day to like be ambitious and like something just kind of went wrong for a moment. So, and that's life right.

Lisa Tarkington: 38:11

And so I think one of the couple of key takeaways that I'm taking away from today is really like asking yourself the question of like well, what do I need in this moment from support from other women or other leaders to help myself, either workplace or personally? Do I have that support that I need? What does that look like for yourself? And then understanding, like right now, what I need. It's okay if it evolves, it is okay if it changes, because while we've stayed true to like our friendship, it is okay if some don't continue on, if it's not the support that you need.

Lisa Tarkington: 38:47

Same thing with professional right and I think that that's one of the things too is like you just have to be okay with how it evolves. If you're going to evolve as a person, right, you have to let go to grow as a person. And then the other thing that I would say is kind of that self-respect, finding that confidence, finding yourself, is another key thing to even understand what you would need. So, kind of like ending with those things, is there anything else that you'd want the audience to know to help them or to help other girls and women in their life?

Tara Williams: 39:21

I think give yourself grace, Allow yourself to have a moment, but then pick yourself up and move forward. I think one thing for me is to be open to feedback and ask for feedback. Not you're doing great, keep doing what you're doing. There has to be something and make that person comfortable with giving you that feedback. And then my last would to be find people who support you where you are, and whether it's like go do your workout or I have this interview. I need help in that. So just find a good core group of people that lift you up wherever you are. Love that.

Jessica Robinson: 40:05

Yeah, I want to do a plus one to feedback. So I have been kind of obsessed with like transparency feedback and not taking it to like it's important but not holding it to your core. You can pick and choose what feedback matters to you, what resonates, what is your values. So I, for the last couple of years, have been pretty obsessed with that. That also creates an environment of safety with your friends and those that you work with. So I think those go hand in hand and I think those are really important things. And you said one other thing that got me excited. I can't remember what it is, but those are the two things that stuck out to me.

Lisa Tarkington: 40:41

I love that. And before you I came here, jess, tara and I were talking about a lot about the feedback pieces and what we even needed in our twenties, like we didn't want to hear some of that feedback, right, we weren't ready for what that looked like. But now it's like thank you to the woman who gave us that feedback. And then Tara said something even before we started to have like that acknowledgement afterwards. Right, like, okay, you saw me grow, acknowledge that I grew, yeah, right. And it's like oh, yeah, cause then that keeps you going, right.

Lisa Tarkington: 41:10

And so, like when we like, I always say like when you're thinking about cheerleading for someone, cheerleading can look like rah rah sometimes, but it can also mean challenging them and challenging them to be better, and I think that's what you guys have done for me Like, okay, one more mile when, like I don't want to do it for the marathon, right, if we're going back to the racing analogies, or it's like just push through this or give yourself grace today, start back tomorrow and always like not sulking for a long time, right, I think it's like challenging yourself to do that. So, to everybody tuning in very amazing key things. So thank you guys so much for being on the podcast today.

Lisa Tarkington: 41:44

It's so fun we could chat like all day long about all the things and save the world at the same time. But I will say I think that you know it's starting back with what do you need? Cheering her on is like one of the key things to think about is like, how do you want to be cheered on, how do you need support? But then how do you do that for other people too? And asking those questions and setting those expectations, cause how I need cheered on sometimes is going to be different than Jess and Tara and all of you listening and tuning in as well.

Lisa Tarkington: 42:13

So, like I always say at the end of every podcast, continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet and thanks for tuning in. Thank you for tuning into the Confident Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, follow the Confident Podcast on Instagram and TikTok and share it with those who might benefit. Also, if you're looking to work one-on-one with me, message and follow me on Instagram at Lisa Tarkington official. Stay confident, stay inspired and until next time, keep striving to be the best version of yourself. Take care.