EP 157 | How to Crack the Code of Confidence

Have you ever wondered how to truly crack the code of confidence? Confidence ebbs and flows but when you crack the code, your confidence journey has more ups than downs. Tune in to this week’s episode of The Confident Podcast to learn what you need to do to become more confident in the skills you bring to the table!

Chapters:

• 0:00 - Intro & Lisa's Updates
• 9:32 - Cracking the Code of Confidence
• 13:50 - Two Areas to Grow in Your Confidence Journey
• 23:41 - Key Takeaways & Outro

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•  Lead Within - use promo code podcast50 for 50% off your first month!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

So when you're thinking about cracking the code of confidence there is no simple way to do it, but it's about knowing that you have this gift to give to the world and when you start to feel like, oh my gosh, this is where I'm confident you get energized. You see your purpose, you kind of just like feel into it and life is pretty awesome. I won't even lie to you. Welcome to the Confident Podcast. I am Lisa Targinton, your host of this podcast. If you found yourself hitting play on this podcast, it means it was meant for you. My goal is to help empower and guide you to become a better version of yourself through conversation, advice and tips that are real, vulnerable and authentic. I'm excited to have you join this journey with me. So let's get started. Hi everybody, welcome back for another episode of the Confident Podcast. I'm your host, lisa Tarkington, and I think I say this every time, but it's so great to be in this seat chatting with you guys about all things confidence, bringing you so many tools and tricks, and also sharing more about my story. Right before I joined the podcast, I actually had a conversation with someone about everything that they've been learning from listening to the podcast, about how to overcome negative thoughts, how to gain more confidence in themselves, but also how to help those people around them. So if you ever have any stories of how the Confident Podcast has supported you, I would love to hear them and I just really appreciate you tuning in weekly to hear from the podcast. If you also haven't noticed, we have a blog on our website, so go to leadconfidentlyorg to check out the blog as well. So today's topic is going to be all around cracking the code of confidence. But before we dive into this conversation today, you guys know I love to give you guys some updates on life, and that's what we're going to start with today.

Speaker 1: 1:50

So, first and foremost, it has been birthday month of the year, I feel like for me, this is the month that my dad has a birthday, my nieces have birthdays, my dog, denver, has a birthday he just turned six, so I officially have a fur baby who is six years old and then I also have a birthday as well, and so it's a really great month of growth, of seeing people and what they're going to do in the next year of their life and a lot of celebrations. And so when I look at my own birthday, it's funny because I was thinking about this the other day. I'm like, oh, I'm going to turn another year, oh, I'm turning just 33 years old, and then it clicked in my head that I'm actually already 33 and I'm turning 34. And so if you're ever thinking in your head, wow, time flies by, I feel around my birthday nowadays that's when it really happens for me, and so, as I reflect on the past year, it's just so cool to see growth and changes and me evolving as a person. I think the other thing that I would continuously remind myself is I've really checked my ego at the door over this past year. I've really embraced all of my zones of genius. All of these are podcasts that I've really embraced all of my zones of genius. All of these are podcasts that I've talked about, and I'm finding more love for myself than ever before, and I think I say that almost every year because I think every year it's so true that as I continue on these tools that I teach, as I continue to find and focus on my support system, I'm growing as a person. And so it's so cool to see this last year of getting married, having a name change, having a company name change, seeing the podcast evolve into what it is today, and also just so many other great things.

Speaker 1: 3:36

So, speaking of great things, we launched Lead Within last week, which is our online membership platform to really teach and have tools and resources for individuals to have 24-7. And I really want to share with you the importance of this platform and the story behind it, because it really resonates with cracking the code for confidence and we'll dive more into some ways that you can do that yourself, but I'd love to share with you guys why and how it happened for me. So if you take me back to 2021, I'm not even exaggerating, so what, that was four years ago. So three years ago, and I was sitting in a coffee shop talking to someone and I'm like I really want to build this platform, I really want to make sure that people have tools at their fingertips, and I was just so gung-ho about it. I went home that weekend. I remember that coffee was like on a Thursday, Friday, saturday, sunday.

Speaker 1: 4:37

I built the business plan out, I built how it's going to look, I built all of these things out and I was so excited for it and I went to a mentor and I was telling him all about it, showed him the business plan of how this would really help the nonprofit go grow, how it would make a really big impact on the world. And I mean, again, like I said, like I had excels all set up for him and he loved it. But I knew it was going to be an investment that I was going to have to make time and money wise, skill set, wise, all of these things. And I remember going back to work and being so excited to tell my staff about it, and their eyes were pretty big when I told them about it because they were like how are we going to do this, plus everything else that we have going on? And I didn't ever work that way. I always was like, well, we're going to figure it out, but how unfair was that to them to even say that? And so I remember having to sit back and be like, ok, this is something I want, but I need to vet it out a little bit more, I need to think about this a little bit more.

Speaker 1: 5:43

And so every year from 2021 on, it came to the forefront of me and I had to keep reminding myself something is just not there yet. I have to wait, I have to grow a little bit more. I needed to gain confidence in certain areas, I needed to understand what I don't know, and so these were all things that I had to do. And I had to refocus the nonprofit. I had to be a little bit more strategic, and I also knew that we were going to change our name. So lots, lots was happening, and so I had to be patient and having confidence and growth and confidence is really, really about being patient.

Speaker 1: 6:19

And I remember last year, in 2023, I told myself OK, 2024 is the year that I'm going to launch this platform. And I remember starting to build it back out, building everything that I wanted. My goal was, in 20 years, for it to impact 16 million people. I was dead set on that. That had been my plan since 2021. So that never changed.

Speaker 1: 6:40

And as we worked on it, as I built out the plan, I not only had grown in my skill set, I started to see the gaps that I had as a person in my skill set. I started to see the investment that we needed to make, and we hired someone on my team who was really good at a lot of different technical backgrounds, and I remember having a conversation with her about it and she really reframed my mindset of what this could look like, and it was probably one of the most beautiful moments. I remember it so well. I believe it was like November, december of 2023, where it finally hit me about oh my gosh, these are the missing puzzle pieces that I needed in order for us to make this happen. And as we were thinking about it and strategizing about it, all of the puzzle pieces started to form together and since that time, I feel like the puzzle pieces have continued to come together and we have officially launched this platform and I'm just so honored and so happy to see the impact that we're going to make on people.

Speaker 1: 7:51

My goal is is that we help millions of individuals through this platform, because I know how important it is for every individual to have tools and resources at their fingertips, and I share that story with you because there were moments in my life where I wanted, I had confidence in my abilities, but there were still things that I needed to learn and still grow in to get better at it. And I think back to had I done that in 2021 and kind of put my team through that, I wouldn't have been ready to really have it be something I was so proud of. I probably would have thrown something out there. It would have been okay, but I think I had to sit back and really learn. Now there are moments where people say, like, just get out there and just do it. You know, put spaghetti to the wall and see if it sticks right.

Speaker 1: 8:41

There are different moments that you might have to do that, but for me, for this specific moment, it was really good for me to consider stepping back, being patient with myself in my confidence journey, with this, and so if you are in the scheme of your confidence journey where maybe you need to sit back for a second, I want to give you permission to do that. Maybe what you need to do is grow more. Second, I want to give you permission to do that. Maybe what you need to do is grow more in the skills and abilities and things, and that's not give up right, like that's not giving up, but like I had to grow in certain areas. I needed to check my ego on certain things. I had to learn from a variety of different people still.

Speaker 1: 9:19

So I think that I've had both moments where I've just been like let's go forward and see what happens, but there were other moments where I was like, okay, we need to step back for a second, and so I share all of that, because today's conversation is all about cracking the code of confidence, and I thought there has been no better time than to talk about this because of the changes that I've been going through. So, first and foremost, confidence is a journey. It's going to up and flow, but I promise you that when you don't give up on yourself, it is so magical. And, as I shared in my story, I'm so glad that I didn't give up on something that I wanted to do and something that I knew that I'd be talented in and my team would be talented in. But I had to learn through the process. Even today, I feel like my confidence ups and flows, but it's so cool to see the growth when you put the tools in place and you don't give up on yourself. And I do have one disclaimer to share with everybody that you do not have to be confident in everything. So that is actually one of the steps when it comes to cracking the code of confidence is to understand that you do not have to be good at everything. You do not have to be confident in everything. I know there are areas of my life that I'm not always confident in, but it's about knowing that I'm surrounding myself with people that have those strengths so that I can mesh with them, collaborate with them and partner with them. So we're all utilizing our strengths and our confidence in those areas. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 11:09

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Speaker 1: 12:20

One of the things I am most proud of is how I continue to put personal development at the forefront of my growth. I know this is something many people struggle with, because we don't always know where to start. There's almost too much information out there. It can become overwhelming and requires research to ensure credibility. I also want something that's accessible anytime and that I can pick back up where I left off. Not only has this been my personal experience, but I've had countless individuals reach out to me for resources. This is why I'm so excited to share with you Lead Within, an online membership platform created for adults, parents and teenagers.

Speaker 1: 12:54

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Speaker 1: 13:37

Together, let's thrive, grow and lead with confidence. And so some areas that really are going to help you crack the code of confidence is there's two different ones, and so the first one is A never giving up on yourself. And B confidence is built by skills and talent, so growing in your skills and talents, and so, if you look at it that way, that's all you guys need. That's all you need Now. You don't have to learn anything more today, just kidding, just kidding. So, like I said, never giving up is one of those things, and confidence is built on your skills and your abilities, which both of those things that you need to have when you're trying to grow in your confidence, because confidence self-confidence is really the measure of faith in one's abilities, skills and talents. It's all about knowing that your self-confidence is kind of like your superhero right, like your belief in your abilities, like what do you bring to the world. It means trusting yourself, knowing your strengths and your weaknesses, and feeling in control of your life when you're really falling into and understanding your skills, your abilities and your strengths. You trust yourself more. You trust yourself on your decisions more.

Speaker 1: 14:53

I had a coaching client the other day. We were talking about when we're trying to make decisions and how does that look, and I said to her do you make really great decisions when you're very confident in that area than when you have a lot of skills there and she goes absolutely, I can make decisions really quickly. It's the areas that she was lacking in confidence where she really struggled with, and that's totally normal, right, there are many moments where, when you aren't confident in a certain area, it just takes a longer process and that's okay, because you have to start to understand your strengths and your weaknesses and also like really having that positive view on yourself of, okay, I might not be really good here, but what are my resources? Or I might not be really good here, but I do want to grow in that area, so it might take some time. So I'm going to use the example that I use all the time and I just used this the other day when I was working in a workshop, but it's about riding a bike and I've probably shared that a few times on this podcast, but it's a good analogy and it's a good reminder for all of us.

Speaker 1: 15:48

So, when you think about growing in confidence, many of us learned to ride a bike when we were younger. We started with training wheels on our bikes, helmet on. Our parents were probably by our side as we were learning, but we had those two wheels on the sides to really get us moving and to kind of give us that balance. But once we became confident that we could do that on our own, normally what happens then is the parents are like OK, let's take those training wheels off and let's take you to the next level. And during that time you might be a little nervous, right? You're like, oh man, I was really good at that, but now I want to ride a bike without those training wheels. So the training wheels come off and you're now kind of getting pushed into a new realm of confidence. And then, as you grow up, you're probably going to get taller and you're going to need a new bike, and so what you're learning then is how to ride a bigger bike, and then maybe a bigger bike, and then maybe one day you want to try a mountain bike or a different type of bike, and the process of that is over time.

Speaker 1: 16:57

You are growing in your confidence and your skills and your abilities there. And it started out small. No one ever just woke up at the age of three or four and said I'm going to go and never start anywhere, right, like everybody starts somewhere. And so that's your reminder that wherever you are in your confidence journey and trying to think about like well, how do I crack the code of confidence, how do I be the most confident person I can be, it's reminding yourself that okay, if I wanna be confident in a certain area, I have to start somewhere. And that's your reminder that if you wanna be confident in a certain area, you have to start somewhere. You have to start to build those skills, those talents and those abilities. Many times the areas that we're most confident in are things that come most natural to us. But I will share as well. There were areas of my life where I wasn't always confident and I had to grow in those areas and I'll get into that here in a little bit. But kind of back to the point of being like what you're good at and what comes easy to you. So, for example, everybody's a little bit different.

Speaker 1: 17:59

So my husband is really confident when it's things that are hands on and he can problem solve. He loves to use his hands, loves to build things or fix things, and that is not my forte when it comes to confidence. The other day he literally had to FaceTime me to teach me how to change our drain because something wasn't working, and I was so frustrated. He was so patient, he was so calm because he was confident in it and he was like I can teach you to do this. And I'm over here being like I don't know how to do this, I'm not confident in this skill, but I had to do it. I learned how to do it. Am I so confident that I could do it on my own? Probably not. I would still need some help. But watching him embrace that confidence in him was pretty awesome. And he does that already for his career. For me it's speaking and coaching. I am so confident in those skills. But if you were to ask my husband to do those same things, that's just not where he's very confident in. And then another example is my best friend. She's a doctor. She's amazing at what she does. She's went to school, med school. She's very, very smart in that realm of things.

Speaker 1: 19:05

Now, if we ever switched careers probably wouldn't be the smartest move for either of us. We're very not confident in those other areas, but cracking the code of confidence is really embracing. Well, this is what I'm really good at and I want to embrace that. You know I've done an episode before where I talked about the zones of genius, and so it's not only understanding like I'm confident in this, but like this is where I really want to spend my time, which is really cool to think about. And so when I was talking about earlier about the two things about cracking the code, one was never giving up and one was really Building your skills and talents. So we just talked a little bit about building those skills and talents. So that is something that I do not want you guys to forget. That is part of cracking the code to confidence Is growing in your skills, your abilities and your talents, but also having faith in them. You can build them all day, but you have to believe that you are good at those things and really embracing that about you. Sometimes it helps when we hear from other people of saying like wow, you're really good at this and you're like I know I am and kind of embracing that a little bit, but I'll also share.

Speaker 1: 20:06

There are moments where it's okay that you might be really confident in an area, but you're going to have a setback. Recently I had one where life was just really stressful. I was having a bad day and I went to do some speaking stuff and I left feeling like was that my best? And my confidence was kind of a little bit lower. After that. Now was it great, absolutely, but I still had a negative thought process that went through my mind for a second. But I had to bounce back pretty quickly because I know that all these years that I spent growing in these skills and talents is for a reason, and so that's what I want you to remind yourself when you go through those moments, because the really the other piece of cracking this code, like I said before, is that never giving up on yourself, and confidence is really about that, guys. You cannot give up on yourself, and there are many times where, like I said, my confidence has been shot and I wanted to give up. There's many times where I've talked about that on the podcast that I've wanted to give up on those things. Maybe I've missed out on opportunities because I was scared, but at the same time, I had to remind myself to never stop growing, and I want to give an example of something that really has resonated with me recently.

Speaker 1: 21:21

So whenever I would talk in any of my workshops probably for the last four years I'd always tell people that I'm not confident in accounting. I would tell anybody that ever wanted to hear that that was always my weakness, and last year I was challenged by someone of like Lisa you keep saying that, but like that's part of your job. So you know I really want you to grow in that area, because that will only help you in certain with your business. And I agreed, and so what I started to do was really start to read financials better and start to understand these. I got a coach in it. I got a coach in it. I got a mentor in it, and I remember someone asked me a question a couple months ago and they were like Lisa, it is so awesome to see your confidence in how you speak about these things, and what resonated with me there was.

Speaker 1: 22:08

I didn't give up on myself on that. Now am I an expert in it? No, but I'm a lot more confident in it than I was in the past, but that's because I learned the skills, I didn't give up on myself. I wanted to grow in these areas Again wanted to, even though it was recommended to me I knew that this was something that would really help me. And so when you're thinking about cracking the code ofidence there is no simple way to do it, but it's about knowing that you have this gift to give to the world and when you start to feel like, oh my gosh, this is where I'm confident you get energized. You see your purpose, you kind of just like feel into it and life is pretty awesome. I won't even lie to you when I feel like my confidence is kind of like a little bit lower, things are a little bit rougher for me.

Speaker 1: 22:59

But the other thing to remind yourself is is like back to never giving up. You are the one that you have to deal with on a daily basis. We wake up, we see ourselves, we hang out with ourselves all day, and so never giving up on yourself is so important because, at the end of the day, you're the one that's going to continue to help you grow. Sure, I have coaches, I have mentors, I have the tools and resources, but I have to show up for myself. I have to do those things, and so when you're thinking about cracking the code, I want to remind yourself like putting these things in place are important, but the number one thing is never giving up on yourself. Number two thing is always building in those skills and those talents.

Speaker 1: 23:40

So as we are cracking the code of confidence, we also have to acknowledge something about other people and other people's confidence. You know, recently someone asked me I'm I'm always envious of my friends' successes, and that happens, and I'll do a whole episode on that one day for all of you guys. But instead of just being envious of it, notice what you're envious about. That's what I love to tell people is are you envious of them because they're doing something in their zone of genius, or what they're confident in Because you want to be doing that too? And if that's the case, right, there is a self-reflection of I should be doing more about what I'm confident in. The other thing is is it's really really amazing when we point out other people's areas of confidence, the things that they're really good at, and acknowledging other people for their skills lights them up. I think one of the best compliments I get from people is Lisa, you are really good at this, you're really good at X or Y or Z, and I'm just like thank you, I've been working on that, thank you for acknowledging that, and I'm really big on lifting people up.

Speaker 1: 24:51

Now. There are many coaches and speakers in this world. There's many nonprofit leaders in this world, but you can't look at them as competition. You have to look at them as how do we all come together to support each other? How do I acknowledge that they're really good at this and how do I learn from them here? How do I look at the area that I'm really confident in and grow in here? But we need to help other people shine. We need to point out and acknowledge when they're confident in a certain area and we need to lift people up.

Speaker 1: 25:20

Right now more than ever, that is what I want people to do is I want us all to come together and as we're focusing on ourself and our confidence and abilities, it's also important to notice those things about each other. You know, I recently just taught a workshop on teamwork and one of the things that continued to come up is how do I support one another? And so one of the things I tell people is you know, when you notice someone that's struggling with confidence or they're not cracking their own code of confidence is probably because they're going through some ups and flows. So maybe sitting with them, maybe helping them grow in that, maybe they need help with dribbling the ball or with a certain skill set or batting practice, joining them, helping them grow, because I've noticed when I help someone grow in their confidence, I'm also getting that that as well for myself, and so it is so amazing when we don't give up on ourselves, when we grow in our skills and our abilities and our talents, but we're also doing that for other people. It's pretty powerful when we all show up to support one another, and so this is your reminder that I want you to show up for yourself and I want you to show up for other people as well, because together, when we all are utilizing our strengths, when we're all growing in our confidence, I promise you, the world is going to be a better place.

Speaker 1: 26:38

So sometimes I give homework after a podcast, sometimes I don't, and I recently haven't done much of it. So what I want from you today is to really think about what is something that you're really proud of, that you haven't given up on yourself, for what skills and talents and abilities do you want to grow in, and how are you going to put things in place so that you can continue to crack the code of confidence in those areas? And lastly, I want you to think about what areas are you willing to just kind of let go right now, because maybe you can rely on someone else to have confidence there, or maybe you don't need to learn that skill right now because of X reasons. But if you do have a lot that you want to grow on, I encourage you to grow in those areas Every day. I'm still trying to grow in the skill sets that I have and also grow in other skill sets as well, because the more that I can be well-rounded, the better it is for me as a person, because I always have personal and professional growth discoveries that I want to have.

Speaker 1: 27:34

And so thank you for tuning in today. I hope that you took away some key ways that you can crack the code of confidence and also I hope that some of those stories resonated with you. So, as I always say, continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet and have a great day. Thank you for tuning into the Confident Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, follow the Confident Podcast on Instagram and TikTok and share it with those who might benefit. Also, if you are looking to work one-on-one with me, message and follow me on Instagram at LisaTarkingtonOfficial. Stay confident, stay inspired and until next time, keep striving to be the best version of yourself. Take care.