The Confident Podcast

EP 166 | Achieve Your Dreams: The Do's and Don'ts of Goal Setting

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Talking about our dreams is easy, but taking action can be tough. This week on the podcast, we dive into the do’s and don’ts of goal setting, sharing essential tips and hacks for success. Tune in to learn how to set achievable goals and take steps to help you meet your dreams! 

Chapters:

  • 0:00 -Intro
  • 10:54 - How to Be Strategic to Overcome Challenges
  • 14:26 -The Do's & Don'ts
  • 20:57 - Creating Consistent Habits
  • 26:45 - Key Takeaways & Outro

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Lisa:

When you put the tools in place, when you really want something, when you have that purpose and that core values that align to it and you are consistent, you are going to achieve your goals way faster than if you don't have those things in a place. Welcome to the Confident Podcast. I am Lisa Tarkington, your host of this podcast. If you found yourself hitting play on this podcast, it means it was meant for you. My goal is to help, empower and guide you to become a better version of yourself through conversation, advice and tips that are real, vulnerable and authentic. I am excited to have you join this journey with me, so let's get started. Hey everybody, welcome back for another episode of the Confident Podcast. I am your host, Lisa Tarkington, and I am solo today, talking about some amazing things, such as goals. That is one of the things that we're going to be talking about the most today the do's and don'ts, some hacks to really help you be successful, and, basically, what I want to do today is to help you set goals that are achievable so that you can meet your wildest dreams. Yes, you heard that from me. I want to help you meet your wildest dreams, because I know how easy it is to talk about all the things that we want to do, but what we have to do is actually start to walk that, to actually start putting things into place, to be actionable with our goals, to really reach our dreams Because I know each of you tuning in today want that for yourself. You wouldn't have clicked on it if you weren't looking to think about how do I achieve these things, how do I reach these goals? Maybe you're burnt out, maybe you're exhausted, maybe you're feeling all the feels when it comes to goals. Maybe you're like me that for my whole career, for years, I had two pages of a Word document of goals that I had. For the year I had a goal, that I had sub-goals, and then I had all my tactics and I had an abundance of goals that I wanted to achieve, and when I would look at them, I actually wanted to shut the book because I realized that I wasn't meeting those goals because I had too many, I wasn't simplifying them, I wasn't setting goals that worked for me. I wasn't able to look at big picture and think about how all these steps can help me achieve maybe one to two big goals, versus trying to reach 10 big goals and achieving none of them, and what I've realized over the course of my career and just my growth overall is that I have that potential to reach the goals I want if I'm smart about it. And that's what I want for all of you. I want you to have goals that just don't seem so far-fetched, but they seem achievable. They're your wildest dreams, but they're also right in front of you, and goal setting can help you with that. And I say that because I am a person, like I said, that has set goals my entire life. But I have seen the effects of when I simplify them and I put things into place, that setting goals can make all of your dreams come true, and I'm sitting here being proof of that.

Lisa:

First and foremost, we need to define what a goal is. Proof of that. First and foremost, we need to define what a goal is. So a goal is an objective or desired outcome that a person or an organization has, that they're working towards to achieve, of a specific outcome or within a time frame. So what they're trying to do is set or have a desired outcome that they're wanting to achieve, and they're usually doing this in a time frame. They're measuring it, they're making it very specific, and that's what I want for all of you guys is to have all of these different pieces that come around a goal so that you can achieve them, and I know all of you guys have it in you.

Lisa:

I know for years for me like back to what I said about having those two documents of goals and things that I wanted to achieve Some of them seemed a little ambiguous. I also didn't always set the timeframe up correctly. Sometimes I had a goal that I wanted to achieve right now, but really it should have been a five-year plan or sometimes even a 10-year plan. And I just want you to think about this for a second also too. Like how many times have we created such goals? We've created all of them. Maybe even you've created your two pages, but you actually didn't stick with them. Maybe you were like me, where you just kind of closed that book a few times, or maybe you had these very, very ambiguous like I'm going to do all these hacks, I'm going to do all these things and time just kind of took over or maybe even got burnt out from it, and so there's many times in our lives where we are creating things that we aren't achieving, and sometimes that's because A maybe we didn't really want it, maybe we had too many things into place or maybe they just didn't get you excited.

Lisa:

I know for me, through the ups and downs of life, life evolves and I've changed as a person and sometimes that means that the goals kind of change too. For a long time I would look at a goal and be like, well, I didn't achieve that, I failed. But really what I wasn't doing was being flexible with those goals as well. The other thing that I've noticed is that I sometimes set goals because that's what I thought society wanted of me. They weren't actually goals. That I've noticed is that I sometimes set goals because that's what I thought society wanted of me. They weren't actually goals that I wanted, and I'll give you guys some examples because I bet many of you guys can relate to it.

Lisa:

So for me, I remember in my early 20s being very obsessed with hitting a certain number of weight. I remember setting goals that were very unachievable about. You know, you read, I read all those magazines that said like lose 20 pounds in the next two weeks. Well, my body wasn't made for that and said if I was going to do harm to myself, and those were goals that I started to set for myself, and I would get so frustrated when I wasn't meeting those goals. But I also wasn't setting myself up for success. I also would set goals of I'm going to get to this next level or when I hit this, I'm going to make this much money, and it was all about money and about how I define money with success. But what I didn't realize is I was setting that goal but I wasn't thinking about all the things in between. I wasn't thinking about the sacrifices that I would have to make with my time. Sometimes it was even sacrifices against my own core values that I would have had to make to reach those goals.

Lisa:

And what I realized through doing all of the things wrong is that there are many ways to do it right. And what I want for each of you to know and find is, through all of the shortcomings that I might have had with some of my goals, I've achieved a lot of them by doing them right. And as I reflect back on the years of setting goals and setting myself up for success, I've also set myself up for many failures, many burnout moments, many doing things all at one time versus going okay. This is step one. Once I achieve this goal, then I can go into phase two of this or phase three, and so that's really what I want for you guys all to have. I want you to have a goal that provides you direction, gets you motivated, gives you a sense of purpose We've talked about purpose on here and it helps you guide with actions and decisions towards a desired result, and that's what I want for all of you. So, when we look at goals, I want you to think about them as a roadmap. They're a roadmap to success. They're guiding your journey to desired outcomes, which we've talked about, and really empowering you to reach your full potential, which you guys know I love.

Lisa:

I love helping people reach their full potential, and even when I'm working with my coaching clients or in my workshops, with students at LEAD or with professionals, we always have goals. We start out. Anything that I do with people is setting that intention. Well, what is our intention? What are the outcomes that we want to achieve? How are we going to hold ourselves accountable? And this all has to do with having clarity when it comes to our goals. So you need clarity, you need motivation. Motivation is key. You need to have the opportunity to measure your progress. You need to have accountability, you need to understand your time management and really think through all of these different aspects of it, and the reason why all of those things are important is because every aspect of it helps you reach that full goal. So studies show a lot of times that when people actually write down their goals, they share them with other people and maintain accountability, they have a significant higher chance of achieving them compared to those who do not. So I'm going to give you guys an example.

Lisa:

So for a long, long time, while I wrote them down and I had all these things in place, I think they were a little too many. To be honest with you, I think I overdid it when it came to the amount of them. The other thing, too, that I think was a continuous thing that I've I had is I had some goals that seemed so not achievable that I would just think about it in my brain, or even with my husband. I would talk to him a lot about, like, this is what I want to do, this is what I want to do, all of these things, but I never actually wrote them down. I never actually wrote them down, and sometimes it's because I was scared to fail. I was scared that if I even talked about it and I wasn't successful, what would that mean for me? And so maybe I didn't write those things down, because if I wrote them down, I actually had to go after them. And I think that that was just a moment for me to realize that this study is correct.

Lisa:

The goals that I've written down, that I've put the right processes in place, I've put the right tactics, the right tools, the right accountability in place. I've achieved those goals Many times better than I ever could have imagined, even when there was a lot of ups and downs and the flip side. I also had many times where I did write down goals but because I didn't have the right things into place, I didn't achieve them. But overall, regardless, it's step one of even thinking about well, what do I want, what are my wildest dreams and this is the fun part, guys. This is the fun part because I truly believe visualization is like the most beautiful thing that you can do is visualize what it's going to look like for you.

Lisa:

Maybe you are trying to get your dream job, so I want you to, if you can. If you're not driving, listening, or maybe you're multitasking. I just want you to close your eyes and I want you to visualize you achieving that goal, that goal, the desired goal. What is that outcome? Who are you with? What are you doing? What are you wearing? What is your personality like? And I want you to start to also think but what is holding me back, what has been holding me back from these things? Because you also have to visualize what are all of those negative things that are holding you back from that positive viewpoint. And then, if you did close your eyes, I want you to open them and I want you to think about, well, what are those things? And then take a moment to do exactly what that study says.

Lisa:

So I want you to write down those dreams, I want you to write down those goals and maybe you have 10 of them, right, we're going to go back to that two-page thing really quick. So I think what I had to do sometimes was write them all down, but I wish I would have at least circled just the two, my top two, of what I was going to do, because we have to really think about, like, what are the ones that I'm really just going to focus on, and I bet my whole team would love to hear this, because I was the person that I'm pretty sure the first couple of years of business. I had 30 goals for my team, which I would never recommend to anybody, but I had a lot of small goals to meet the big goal, a lot of tactics, a lot of objectives all very important, all very important for strategy, but it's also about simplifying things, and so, as you visualize it, I want you to also make it simple for yourself, because what I think sometimes we do is we have all of these ambiguous things, we have all these things that we want to do, but we want them all right now, and I also know that that's not setting you up for success. And so, when you visualize these things, when you talk about these things, when you think about these things, I also want you to visualize what are the ones that are the most important to me.

Lisa:

When I had that visualization, you didn't have 10 different visualizations. You probably had one or two, and those are the ones that I want you to focus on, because those are the dreams that you are aspiring to meet and the things that were in your negative mindset. I want you to also think about those, because there are going to be road bumps in the way, but you can overachieve them, especially when you grow in your confidence, your overall well-being, your leadership and just overall growth as a person. You know I know how easy it is to get into that negative mindset. I know how easy it is when you just want it instantly, but there's a lot of roadblocks that come into play, and I'm going to read a quote from Michelle Obama that I really love the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work for them. So, again, I'm going to read this quote from Michelle Obama for you guys the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work in them, and this is what I want you guys to think about.

Lisa:

So I want you to think about how are you going to get out of your comfort zone to achieve your goals. So maybe your comfort zone right now is your couch. Maybe your comfort zone is scrolling through TikTok or Instagram every night versus being the one creating the content. Maybe it's getting comfortable that you're always sitting in your chair, but you know that to reach your goals, you have to get out into the community or go to a different community and make connections. Maybe you're also sitting on your couch or your chair wondering if you can go back to school for XYZ or go after that dream job. I want you to leap out of your couch or chair and tell yourself that you can do it, because you can.

Lisa:

But there's a lot of do's and don'ts when it comes to setting your goals and I want to really really dive into these things because these are hacks for you. So, again, I'm all about making sure people know that goals are not instant gratification. They take a lot of time, but if I can give you quick do's and don'ts to really help you on your path, I'm going to help you set yourself up for success. So we're going to go through a variety of different do's and don'ts that are going to help you when you need to achieve your goals. So we're going to start with kind of the negatives, the don'ts, the things that I want you to stay away from when it comes to goal setting.

Lisa:

So the first and foremost one is don't choose goals that you don't want to achieve. That's the biggest one. Do not choose goals that you don't want to achieve, because if you're going to choose a goal with no intention or no passion or no purpose behind reaching it, you're going to continue to fall short on it, and that's not what you want. You do not want to start out by writing something down that's going to set you up for failure, like that's not setting yourself up for success. That's literally self-sabotaging something that you're working towards.

Lisa:

Another one is don't set unachievable goals, and I share this because I know you all can reach your goals, but this is my caveat off of it. So I'm going to give you an example. So if I was never a runner and my goal was to run a marathon in two weeks mind you, I've never run before I'm setting myself up for an unachievable goal. Sure, maybe I'll walk, run it. Maybe you could probably argue with me a little bit on this, but what I want you to think about is is that really achievable? Not really, you haven't. Actually, it's not because you have not ran the paces or set yourself up for success. And so this is an example of many times people are like well, in a month I want to hit a million followers, or in a month I'm going to get that job and I'm going to get a 10% raise. Well, there's a lot of little things that needed to also be put in place, so I want you to set goals that are achievable.

Lisa:

The next one is do not be vague with your goals. A lot of people make vague goals when they're scared, but when you can articulate specifically what that goal is, what that time frame is, how you're going to measure it very much SMART goals you are going to achieve that goal way faster than being vague, because vague allows you a lot more room. It also allows you to not have really good steps into place, and that means then, if it's ambiguous, if it's VEG, then you have all the time in the world to meet that goal, and what I've heard from a lot of people is that when they do that, they just continue to push off that dream, and that's not what I want for any of you guys. Another one is I'm going to take my own advice on this one, and I have over the years is do not overwhelm yourself with too many goals. This is one that I did years ago.

Lisa:

I remember doing this. I was in Grand Rapids, michigan. I was sitting in a coffee shop and I had my two-page Word document out. I had goals for financials. I had professional goals. I had personal goals. I had my two page Word document out. I had goals for financials. I had professional goals. I had personal goals. I had vacation goals. I had relationship goals. I had communication goals. I literally remember this perfectly. And then I had all these little goals under it and while it was amazing that I got it all out on paper, but when I looked at it, I was like how am I going to achieve all of these things in the next six months? I looked at it. I was like how am I going to achieve all of these things in the next six months? And what I did was I overwhelmed myself so much that I barely achieved any of those goals. I remember pulling that out six months later and a year later being like okay, I didn't meet any of those goals, and that's not what I want for you. So I want you to very much simplify the goals for yourself.

Lisa:

Another one, which is not everybody's favorite topic to talk about, is don't ignore the obstacles and the conflicts and the challenges that are going to come your way. So when you're setting your goals, I also want you to think about what are the hindering factors that might come into place, what are some limiting beliefs that you might have in front of you, and also understanding what are the obstacles I'm going to have to overcome to achieve those things. Maybe it's time, maybe it's money, maybe it's your own personal growth, maybe it's a skill that you need to grow in. What I hear a lot from people and what I see a lot with what I do, is that we want to achieve all of these amazing things, but we're so scared to talk about all those things that are going to be obstacles because we're trying to be so optimistic about it, which I want you to always be optimistic, but I also want you to be very realistic as well of what are the things that might stop me from it. But I'm going to overcome them, but I have to know about them so that I can put steps into place to overcome it.

Lisa:

Another one is don't think that you can't adjust your goals. Life is all about adjusting. You pivot, you move, you change things, you change scenery. Life happens, and so it is okay to know that you can adjust them, because you, as a person, are going to continue to evolve and change, and I want you to continue to evolve and change. And I want you to continue to evolve and change, and so if you don't always adjust to meet the needs of your growth, you're never going to be able to achieve some of your wildest dreams.

Lisa:

Another one is don't compare. You hear all the time, comparison is the thief of joy, and I think that that was one of the best quotes that are out there, because as you're trying to achieve your goals, you're probably going to see some people maybe achieving them faster than you, or maybe they've done it, they started earlier than you and all these feelings. So what I want you to do is really not compare yourself, because the minute that you do that, you are taking your eyes off of your goal and putting your eyes on their goal, and that's following their goal is not going to help you achieve yours any faster. And the last don't is don't forget to ask for help, support and finding that community that might help you meet those goals. For me, those are really important things that I have had to really learn over time is it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to find people that are in their own zone of genius to help me reach my goals as well.

Lisa:

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Lisa:

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Lisa:

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Lisa:

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Lisa:

So those are your don'ts. So let's dive into the more of the positives about what are the do's. What are the do's to really help you be successful in reaching your full potential and your wildest dreams through goal setting. So, kind of playing off the don'ts a little bit. The do's are set one to two goals that you can do. Maybe set it for a year, maybe have a goal that you want to achieve in the next five years, but set one to two that you want to very much focus on. Another one is be specific. Again, do not be vague. The more that you can be specific Again, do not be vague the more that you can be specific, especially if you have a big dream. If you set small goals under that big one, you're going to achieve those phases a lot faster to reach that big one. Make them measurable and make them achievable. When you can measure your success, you are going to see a lot more progress.

Lisa:

And I hear a lot of people, like when you see a progress bar and you see your growth over time, you continue to want to go towards that, and that's what I want for you guys is to have goals where you can hit that 100% mark on that progress bar. This next one is a must you must align your goals to your values, and we've done a podcast on this before, about your core values and why they're important. It's also a whole activity that we have in our membership platform, but when you understand your values, it helps you set goals that really align to who you are. So for me, one of my biggest values is freedom. So when I'm setting my goals, I have to align to that goal or to that value in order for me to achieve it, because if they aren't aligned, more than likely I'm not going to be successful with that goal.

Lisa:

Another one is back to the basics. I want you guys to create a plan, have that goal, create how you're going to achieve it and set small, simple habits and weekly steps that you can do to achieve that goal, so you might have a goal that you want to achieve in 10 years. So work backwards, okay. And again, you don't need 20 different goals, you just need a plan. A lot of people don't have a plan. They don't think about the outline of how to achieve that. We just think, like, okay, I want this and we're just hoping that it all comes together because we set it. But having a plan is very powerful and, as someone who might be among other fellow type A people, having a plan is very helpful, even when you have to adjust it. Adjusting is okay, but it's a good starting plan to have the outline and to set, like okay, this is what I'm going to do, at least monthly, so that you become habitual with what you're doing. So when you can add habits into your life to really help you meet that goal, you're setting yourself up for a lot of success.

Lisa:

Another one is celebrate. Our brains love to celebrate. Who doesn't love a good birthday celebration, a holiday, 4th of July, all of these great things? We love to celebrate things. So celebrating the small wins is going to help you throughout reaching those big goals. And last but not least, this is your last do is I need you to be consistent. Your last do is I need you to be consistent.

Lisa:

When we are not consistent, that is when we kind of fall off meeting our goals, and it also gets a little bit tougher when we aren't being consistent. You know, and like I said earlier, life's going to throw some ups and downs. We have to understand conflict, we have to understand our challenges, all the things that might be in our way. But when you're consistent of, okay, I went forward a few steps, I went back a few steps, that's okay, as long as I'm going to keep moving forward, I'm being consistent, I'm setting those habits into my life to reach those goals.

Lisa:

You can follow Mel Robbins, you can follow anybody that's big out there who talks about these types of things, and that's the consistent thing they say is that you have to be consistent. So everybody's saying it, but they're doing it, and the people that I follow, the people that I achieve to be like, are constantly showing up for themselves, constantly moving towards those goals, even when they have obstacles in their way. And so what I want you to do right now is I want you to take that deep breath in and then take it out, and I just want you to know that when you put the tools in place, when you really want something, when you have that purpose and that core values that align to it and you are consistent, you are going to achieve your goals way faster than if you don't have those things in a place, and I know that you're tuning into this podcast because you want these things as well. And lastly, I want to talk about one more thing to end us today, because sometimes I have people that listen are like Lisa, I'm just starting out from the basics, I don't even know where to start, and so there's this really cool self-assessment tool out there called the Wheel of Life, and you can check a lot of things out on it.

Lisa:

We also have that on our membership platform as well, but it's a really cool self-assessment to look at your life in a circle. So the pie chart is really about career and occupation, your finances, relationships, friends and family, physical and mental well-being, fun and activities and faith and spiritual. So it kind of like think about it as a pie chart and each one is a piece of that pie, and it's a great thing to do is to look at those different aspects of our lives and be like well, where do I want to focus my time and my attention? And so an activity for you to do is create that pie chart on a sheet of paper, put those words into place and then assign them a number and I want you to rate them. So zero is representing low satisfaction in that area of your life and 10 is representing high satisfaction in that area of your life.

Lisa:

So you might rate your faith as a 10. You might rate your career and occupation as a five. You might have finances as a four, your career and occupation as a five, you might have finances as a four. And as you rate every one of those areas, what you can notice is well, what are the areas that I want to move the needle on? So maybe I have satisfaction of my finances at a four and I'm okay with that, but my family and friends area that I want to grow in is at a five and I'm like, ah, I really want that to be an eight. So if my goal is to go from a five to an eight, that's where I would put my goal. I'd create a goal about that piece of my life Because, as I was explaining a lot of the things around goals, I was talking a lot about workplace, but a lot of people also have goals when it comes to family, their friends, their activities, finding their purpose, all of these different areas, and so the Wheel of Life is an amazing activity to help you just look at your life in a pie chart and focus on the areas of like oh, wow, I'm really happy in these areas.

Lisa:

Okay, so I'm going to focus my attention on my goals for the next year around the areas that I'm not happy in. Or maybe, wow, I'm really happy in this area. I want that rating to stay at an eight or a nine or a 10. And so what are the goals that I need to put in place to keep it there? And this is an amazing practice, because what you can do then is notice the two just two pieces out of the pie chart of the ones that you want to grow in. You can pull them down, pull them onto another sheet of paper and put goals around those two areas, and it helps you have a lot of clarity on where you want to focus your attention and where you want to achieve goals.

Lisa:

And there's maybe some of you guys thinking but Lisa, I want to grow in all those areas.

Lisa:

Well, good for you. I think that's going to be amazing for you. I know for me, I probably want to grow in all those areas too, but I can't put all of my time and attention into every aspect without giving every piece just a little bit of me. But if I really want to grow in a certain area, I need to give much more of myself to that area, and so this is the one thing that I want you to take away from today is there's do's and don'ts when it comes to achieving your goals and reaching your wildest dreams, but it's also about simplifying them and not overthinking it, and really putting the right things into place, because when we were doing that visualization, I wanted to tell you that I was even visualizing what I want next for myself, and we're in this together, and so we can achieve our goals and our wildest dreams if we put the right things into place.

Lisa:

Listeners, I know you have the full potential. I know that, if you just believe in yourself, like I believe in you, that you'll be able to reach all of your goals, and so let's do this together of achieving our goals. So, whether that means that you already have your goals in place or you're going to do the wheel of life activity, I want you to walk away from today knowing that with the right tools, being consistent and believing in yourself, with a little bit more confidence and lots more leadership and wellbeing, you can do those things. So thanks for tuning into today's podcast and continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet, thank you. Thank you for tuning into the Confident Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, follow the Confident Podcast on Instagram and TikTok and share it with those who might benefit. Also, if you are looking to work one-on-one with me, message and follow me on Instagram at LisaTarkingtonOfficial. Stay confident, stay inspired and until next time, keep striving to be the best version of yourself. Take care.

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